Keep It in the Family
by Bensler
Summary: Elliot is back with Kathy; Olivia is moving on; despite ups and down, fights and arguments, they manage to keep the bond between them, tighter than most families. EO at some point, but it will take some time, and unusual and tragic circumstances.
1. Attention

**Keep It in the Family**

**by Bensler**

**If my name was Dick and I owned them, I'd make them do what I want them to do! Get together NOW. Unfortunately, they aren't mine and I can't make them do anything...except here...in my own fictional fiction!**

**Chapter 1 - Attention**

Even from the doorway where she leaned, quietly watching, she could see his blue eyes sparkle and twinkle with a love so deep, she felt a twinge of pain stab her heart. It was unlikely she would ever know how that kind of love felt. His grin, stretching across his face, was as big and bright as she had ever seen it in the nearly nine years they had been partners. He picked up the young boy he held in his lap and threw him up in the air. The baby's squeals of delight could not help but elicit a big smile and chuckle from Olivia. Eli was now nearly six months old and Elliot seemed so happy whenever Kathy brought him by the precinct. Actually, it was one of the only times he seemed happy.

Standing up, he gave Eli to Kathy. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Olivia had noticed that he always kissed her cheek, or forehead or the top of her head. Never Kathy's lips. She wondered about that every time she saw him kiss her, because in the years past he had always kissed her fully on the lips. And most often a real kiss. They talked quietly a minute and then Kathy turned to leave. It was safe now. She would not be expected to carry on a lengthy coherent conversation with her partner's wife as she was trying to leave, so Olivia headed toward her desk, encountering them on her way.

"Hey, Olivia." Kathy smiled at her.

"Hey, Kathy. Hey, Eli." She grinned, holding her finger out to the baby and he wrapped his chubby fingers around hers. His eyes were the same bright blue as Elliot's.

He smiled and cooed at her, then reached out with both hands for her to take him. Kathy let him go to Olivia. She held him close, Elliot's son, and breathed in his sweet fragrance, a mixture of him and baby powder and lotion and a very faint scent of his father's cologne. She remembered the day of the accident when he had been born. She had seen him before Kathy or Elliot. Touched him before they did. She watched as he reluctantly came into this world, before he was quite ready. She held him close as his mother nearly died. She felt a strange connection to him that she thought would probably always be there. Unbreakable. Just like the one she had with his father.

"Hey, big guy. Aren't you something?" She whispered to him. His skin was so soft on her lips as she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. She closed her eyes for just a second, taking in everything about him.He squirmed and reached for her necklaces. "Eli, no, no." Kathy lightly popped his hand and went to take him back

"Wow...Eli's really getting big...and heavy." She ran her fingers down a strand of his silken, blonde hair, as Kathy took him into her arms.

Kathy laughed. "Yes, he is. You should come by someday and spend a little time with him. After all, he's here because of you." Kathy searched Olivia's face for some kind of reaction.

"Yea...maybe one day...soon." Olivia replied. They both knew she would never come.

There was no way Olivia could go to the Stabler home and spend time with Eli at the house where Elliot lived. With Kathy. His wife. Where he slept and ate and showered, where his life was lived. His other life. The one where she, Olivia Benson, his partner and best friend, did not have a place. His other world where she did not belong.

"Soon." Kathy repeated.

"Well, I better get to work." Olivia nodded toward her desk.

"And I need to get home. Bye." Kathy continued out of the squad room, Eli looking over her shoulder at Liv.

She glanced at Elliot as she approached her desk. He had watched the whole scene between Liv and Kathy, watched her as she held Eli. His heart bursting at two of the most important people in his life interacting. His partner and his child. She did not know he had taken it all in because now he seemed so engrossed in his work that he did not even look up as she went to sit down. In years past, that would have been unusual because they always knew what the other was doing. They were in one accord, and always, always had to look at one another, talk to one another, cut up, argue, joke, flirt, banter back and forth. Now, most of the time, silence lay heavy between them.

Now, most of the time he barely acknowledged that she was there. Some days she thought he went out of his way to ignore her. Things had gotten a little better since the accident, when she had been largely responsible for saving his wife and newborn son. But, still things were not as easy going between them as they had been two years ago. Two years ago, he had been separated and the forbidden feelings that had been between them for years...the feelings that they had worked so hard to deny, to push away, to ignore...feelings that had always been just below the surface had exploded in fury during the Gitano case. Feelings neither of them had any idea how to handle.

"Did you see Eli and Kathy?" He asked, knowing she had, still not looking up.

"Yes, I did. He's so big and so cute." She smiled and picked up a file.

"Takes after his old man." Elliot joked. He looked at her now, grinning that beautiful full toothed smile of his. She called it the Stabler smile.

"Somehow, I don't think Eli is the least bit conceited." She laughed.

"It's confidence, Benson, not conceit." A smirk now replaced the grin on his face.

She threw a pencil at him and he successfully dodged it.

Elliot paid much more attention to Olivia than she thought. It was just that he had become adept at watching her when she was unaware. He could tell you every outfit she had worn for the last two weeks, describing each in extensive detail. When she had come back from her three month suspension, she had changed everything about herself. Totally.

The long, wavy locks of streaked hair that she pulled into a messy ponytail for work, gave way to a much shorter cut, more her natural hair color with slight streaks of a lighter color woven throughout. The bangs swept to one side and were given to falling over the side of her face hiding her right eye. When ever that happened, which was fairly often, it made Elliot think of the first time he met her. Her hair had been shoulder length and the bangs would fall across her face hiding the same eye, she poking the strands behind her ear each time they fell.

She was gorgeous then and she was even more so now, if that were possible. The overall haircut reminded him of the early years when she cut it so short, it looked like a man's haircut. She never said, but he always thought she had done that in an effort to not look so feminine, to fit better into the man's world she worked in and maybe to seem more imposing to perps. Who knows? Short, long, in between...it made no difference to him because no matter what her hair looked like or what clothes she wore, he found her absolutely, incredibly attractive and sexy.

Her clothing choice had changed, too. Not dramatically, because it was essentially still the same style...she liked the layered look. Her clothing choices were a bit more girly-girl...much more frill and lace. Now instead of layers that covered her up, the layers had become more provocative, more suggestive. Not that they were totally immodest, flaunting in nature or even blatantly revealing, but they did give a rather good hint at what was beneath all those layers. Not that he minded. Except, that is, when he saw other men looking at her, which was quite often. Like nearly every day. Like nearly every man. On occasion, he had even had to stop himself from making a scene when someone got a bit out of hand with a comment and even, once in a while, a touch or an attempt to touch her. Liv, however, could take care of herself and did so without the violence that Elliot leaned toward. She took care of them with biting, slicing words rolling from her sharp tongue, laced with her dry humor and wit.

Another change, since she had been back was one he could not quite put his finger on. She had changed within herself. Her psyche. She was no longer the hysterically funny, sarcastically witty Olivia. She rarely smiled and her uproarious all out laughter he loved to hear, was even more rarely heard. Perhaps, cynical was the word he was looking for to describe her now. Or jaded maybe. She seemed to lack the enthusiasm that colored her personality years ago. As though on some level, she had given up on life. Of course, this job had a way of doing that to people. It seemed that she began to change around the time of Darius Parker's trial.

Or perhaps it was her suspension. She had plenty of time to think about her actions and reasons for doing the job. Or could he have had something to do with these changes? In truth, he knew he did but he did not want to think about it. He knew the changes began when he told her Kathy was pregnant. If he thought about it, he would be forced to face the truth and in turn, have to assume at least some of the blame, the responsibility for these changes in her. Right now, he had almost more blame and responsibility than he could bear. At times, he was very nearly overwhelmed with it. Suffocated by it. So, he simply chose not to think about it, to ignore it instead. He simply chose to watch her and dream from a distance.

Olivia knew that her feelings for Elliot were not healthy. His mere presence demanded her attention and she willingly gave it. There was no way around it. She loved the man. Yes, she loved him as her partner. She loved him as her very best friend. But, the bad thing was, she loved him as a man. She was in love with him in every sense of the word. She wished she could remember when she fell for him, but she could not even remember what her life was before she loved him. Sometimes she thought it was the very first day, the moment they shook hands and she looked into those gorgeous baby blues she felt the oddest sensation...as though she had know him all her life.

That connection had done nothing but become stronger, deeper, more undeniable over the last nearly nine years. It had enmeshed and entangled their hearts, souls and minds, until they were no longer two, but one entity. They finished the other's sentence, a look could ask a question, another look answer it. They had no need for words. Their eyes spoke for them. Entire conversations could exist within the sounds of their silence. They sensed the other's presence even when they had no reason to believe they were near. They knew without asking if something were wrong. At times, it was as though they read the other's mind. It was strange and sometimes eerie, to them as well as outsiders, but it was their hiding place, their solace, their strength.

So, what was wrong with loving someone so completely, so intensely? He was married. He had been separated for two years and the feelings he and Olivia had for one another had nearly destroyed their partnership and friendship. She still was not sure why. It was as though they were both terrified that if they took their relationship to the next level and it did not work out, that they would lose each other completely. Well, they nearly lost each other anyway. He shut her out and she ran. She ran and he shut her out. It was a vicious circle. The divorce papers were signed, but one night after a bad case, he found comfort in his soon to be ex-wife's arms and that one night changed the course of his life...of Olivia's life forever. Kathy became pregnant with their fifth child and Elliot being the honorable man that he is, went back to her when she asked him to come home. Things had been stilted between he and Liv ever since.

She knew that someway she had to let him go. This whatever it was between the two of them...for her own sanity...it had to be over. Soon. Olivia was an extraordinarily beautiful woman. Made even more beautiful by the fact that she seemed truly unaware of the beauty she possessed. She had dated a lot of men in the past and could just about have her pick of men now. Except the only one she wanted. Elliot. In the last few years, she had begun to compare everyone to Elliot and since no one was Elliot, she found something about them she did not like and sent them on their way. On the rare occasions that she dated a man for a lengthy time or seemed too enamored of a particular one, Elliot always seemed to managed to find a way to jam her up in the relationship. Either with jealous outbursts or intimidation or outright sabotage, as in the night he got drunk at a bar where Liv was on a date. He began telling her date that Liv told him she could not wait to get married so she could quit work. It was the last date she had with that guy. It took her nearly a month to speak to Elliot again.

Recently, she had gone out with FBI agent, Dean Porter. He had been her case handler when she pulled an undercover stint in Oregon for the FBI. Dean was a great guy, very handsome with head full of thick, dark brown hair, beautiful brown eyes. Italian. He was a true gentleman, fun to be with, they talked easily, he understood her job and hours because his job entailed the same. Elliot hated him and never missed a chance to make a snide remark about him. They had gone out for several months, but when he started pressuring her for a more serious relationship, she did what she did best. She bolted.

Now, almost three months since Dean, she was beginning to think she needed to get back into the dating scene, even though the thought of doing so did not appeal to her in the least. The only way she would have a chance at the things she wanted would be to meet someone with whom she could have a relationship. When he was separated, she thought Elliot would be the man in her life, but now he was back with Kathy and she had to move on. She still wanted all the things most people did. Someone to love her unconditionally, marriage, children...a real family. A family like she had never known. The unit was the closet thing to a family she had ever had. They took up for each other, encouraged each other and if there were problems, they worked hard on keeping it in the family as they found solutions. They took care of their own. She determined this weekend would be her new starting point for the future. Casey had asked her to go to a friend's wedding with her this weekend and she had agreed. Maybe she would see if there were any potential suitors there.

Olivia was nearly finished getting ready. She had on an elegantly styled halter dress that had a deep V front & diamond heart clip. It was a medium blue with a delicate garden print. The color contrasted wonderfully with her olive complected skin which was deeply tanned from her day at the beach last weekend. It was pleated and full-skirted, falling just above her knees, showing off her trim, well-toned legs. Who would have guessed that all that working out to stay in shape for the department had side perks as well. She was surprised to find that she had some strappy 3-inch heeled sandals that were almost the exact same color as the dress. They finished off her outfit perfectly.

She was supposed to meet Casey at 1:00 in front of the courthouse. Casey had a couple of things that came up and had to take care of them before she left. Checking her makeup and hair one last time, she noticed she had forgotten earrings. Because of the diamond clip she opted for no necklace, but she put on the only real jewelry she had...two tiered diamond studs. A gift from her mother the Christmas before she died. She nodded at her reflection and headed out the door.

Casey read over the medical examiner's report again and asked Elliot if he understood the ramifications of the DNA from both their suspect and the victim's husband being found on the gun at the crime scene. He said he did, but she wanted to go over the questions she would ask him Monday in court one more time.

"Okay. I think you'll be fine. Just remember...answer the questions, mine as well as the defending attorney's, in as few words as possible and do not..." She coached him.

"Do not give them anything extra to work with...I know, I know, Casey. I've been doing this for nearly twenty years." Elliot rolled his eyes at her.

"You're right...sorry...just want everything to go well." She looked at her watch. "Oh, my goodness. I have got to go or we will be late for the wedding!" She threw the files in her drawer, locked her desk, grabbed her pocketbook and stepped out of her office.

Elliot locked and closed the door behind them. "Who's wedding...I know you told me..."

"A friend of mine from law school, Anise Shiver. She and I clerked at the same firm our second year." She hit 'L' for Lobby and the elevator closed.

"By the way...you look really great, Case." He smiled at her

"Thank you, Elliot." She smiled back. She had on a simple, but elegant, sleeveless dress of yellow silk and a shear lace that covered it along with a matching jacket.

"So...who's the 'we'? Some hot date?" He winked at her as the doors opened and they stepped into the lobby.

Casey laughed. "I'll let you decide if my date's 'hot' or not..."

"Hey...this door does not swing both ways..." He warned her, shaking his head.

"Well, take a look and let me know anyway...there's my date now." She nodded at the person sitting on the bench just inside the courthouse doors.

Elliot felt the breath leave his body as his heart ceased beating. Olivia. She looked like she had just stepped out of a fashion magazine. She was sitting up very straight with her long, legs crossed, her hands folded in her lap. He had seen her dressed up before and should not have been so taken aback by this vision that appeared before him now, but he was nearly speechless.

This must be a new a dress or at least one she had never worn around him. She favored blacks and reds and occasionally dark greens. This was a medium blue with some kind of flowers on it and the color was enhanced by her golden tan. He knew she had been to the beach last weekend and could tell she had gotten a good bit of sun when he had seen her this week at work. But seeing her now, her arms, shoulders, back and legs bare, he was stunned. She was absolutely gorgeous from her short chestnut hair, purposefully tousled, to the sexy sandals with straps wrapping around her ankles that matched her dress.

Casey could feel Elliot tense and she knew he liked what he saw. She watched him from the corner of her eye as he started sucking air like he could not breathe. Then she watch him quickly attempt to cover his reaction and act smooth and unfazed by the woman in front of him. He and Liv had been partners and best friends for nearly nine years. Their relationship was not without problems and from time to time they hit rough patches and right now they were in, probably the roughest patch yet. But, somehow, they always managed to maintain that uncanny bond, an almost supernatural connection that people picked up on almost as soon as you met the two of them. It was the best kept secret of the NYPD that Olivia and Elliot had some kind of thing between them that mere words could not define. Right now Casey was doing her own assessment and she was eager to see just how Elliot would respond in this situation.

Liv heard them talking and looked up to face them. When she saw it was Casey and Elliot, she stood up and smoothed down her dress. She was beautiful.

"Hey, Casey. Was about to call your office..." She told her.

"I wanted to go over the questions just one more time..." She explained. "Olivia...that dress is amazing. You look incredible!"

"Oh...thanks...someone with great fashion taste helped me pick it out..." She smiled at Casey, who had insisted on Liv buying this dress the week before last on their trip to the mall.

Liv then glanced at Elliot and smiled, almost shy about seeing him. Well, seeing him when she was dressed so...so...unprofessionally. "Hey, Elliot. Didn't know you were Casey's last minute thing..."

"Yea...well, we got it done and now you two can be off to your wedding and I can go watch the Yankees on TV." He smiled at both of them and started toward the door. "By the way, nice dress, Liv."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Oh...yea...thanks." She wondered why he had to be so short and curt when he talked to her. She missed the easy banter between them of the years past.

He held the door for them to leave. Liv went out first and as Casey passed Elliot, she leaned close to him and whispered in his ear. "Nice dress?" She snorted. Running up the steps of the courthouse was Trevor Langan, one of the defense attorneys that SVU worked with, dressed in shorts and a tank top. He was a very handsome man, medium brown hair with just a bit of lighter steaks in it, beautiful green eyes. Well built and very tall, he towered over everyone at 6'5", maybe even 6'6". Olivia used to hate him, but seven months ago when she was forced to work closely with him on a case, she had actually gotten to know him as a person rather than an attorney who defended the scum they arrested. She found that as a person he was really a great guy. She had even gone out with him a few times, but they just didn't click. Not that way. He was not Elliot. They still caught lunch or dinner together every now and then.

"Well, well, well. I must say I feel slightly underdressed. Although, I fit right in at the park for my run. Must be something special going on for you ladies to be dressed up like this on a Saturday morning." He grinned at both of them and then looked over at Elliot and nodded. "Stabler."

"Friend's wedding." Casey told him.

"Well, I hope the bride is a good sport because she is going to have some tough competition. That yellow dress just compliments your golden hair and beautiful blues eyes perfectly. You look gorgeous, Casey." He reached out and fingered a strand of her hair.

"Well, thank you, Trevor. I'd return the compliment but..." Casey said with her usual dry humor, as she pulled her hair from his hand. He wanted to date Casey, but she was not interested.

He laughed and turned to Liv. He ran his hand down her right arm to pick up her hand and turn her around. "And you, my lady...that blue is amazing against your tanned complexion. The whole outfit...wow, Liv...you are absolutely stunning." His smile was sincere.

Elliot nearly choked when Trevor touched Liv and took her hand. That she did not seem to have a problem with it, bothered him even more. Elliot hated that, because he and Liv had this unspoken rule between them. They did not touch. He wondered about that sometimes...how it ever fell into place. It happened early on and he knew it was mutual. Maybe one day he would get up the nerve to ask Liv about it. Yea, right. Not in this lifetime.

Olivia felt the heat rushing to her face and knew she was blushing. "Oh, Trevor, those are such sweet things to say. Thank you." She flashed her trademark smile of straight white teeth. She did not normally blush like this and she was sure it was because Elliot was there and had, in effect, brushed off her new dress and how she looked. She glanced at over at him. To the average spectator, he seemed perfectly normal. But Olivia, saw his slightly narrowed eyes and the subtle twitching of his jaw. He was barely holding back the anger she felt coming from him and she was pretty sure it was prompted by Trevor's compliments and touches. Well, he needed to get over it. He went back to Kathy and she was on her way to moving on.

Elliot could not remember the last time she had smiled like that for him. He loved that smile and suddenly he realized how much he missed it. He also could not believe Olivia blushed! Olivia Benson does not blush!"If you ladies need an escort, I have a suit in my office...give me ten minutes to shower..." He wiggled his eyebrows at them suggestively.

They laughed and so did he. Elliot tried to laugh, but never really succeeded. He could not believe how Trevor laid it on so thick with the compliments. Even harder to believe was how they both seemed to love it. They were not acting like the women he worked with and knew.

Casey and Liv left for the wedding. Trevor and Elliot stood there on the steps watching as they drove off. Elliot was not real fond of Trevor for the same reason Liv had not liked him. He defended the perps they worked so hard to get off the streets. He also had a personal reason for disliking Trevor. He could not stand anyone who dated Olivia. The thought of Trevor touching her, kissing her, being with her, turned his stomach and made him want to land a well placed punched in his gut or to the middle of his face. Or both. As they stood there now, his fists were involuntarily clenching and unclenching.

"Stabler, you are one lucky man." Trevor shook his head as he looked at Elliot.

"What makes you say that, Langan?" Elliot asked.

"You get to spend eight plus hours a day, day in and day out, with a knock-out bombshell for a partner. Olivia Benson is easily the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. And one of the nicest. And Casey...she's beautiful! How do you stand it?" He slapped Elliot on the back and ran into the courthouse.

'Yea...well, I'm married and...well...I'm married.' Elliot thought to himself, as he dragged his hands over his face and headed for his car. Thoughts of Olivia began to fill his mind and he knew he might spend the afternoon in front of the television with the Yankees game blaring, but he knew his mind would be somewhere other than the ball game. His attention would be held captive by one absolutely stunning, deeply tanned, brown haired, brown eyed detective, in an amazing blue dress, with a tantalizing smile. And in his thoughts, she would be smiling for him. Only him.

**A/N:** _Okay, gang! Here's a new story with a new twist...I promise! You know the drill! If you read my story, I love ya! If you read and review, I know ya love me! And then I will be forced to write more...and sooner to maintain that love! Seriously, I appreciate all the time and effort it takes to review and I am open to suggestions for making the story better or improving the style or whatever. I have so many ideas tumbling in my head! Thanking you ahead of time for your faithfulness! " ) Bensler_


	2. Attraction

**Chapter 2 - Attraction**

**Saturday, May 3**

The wedding was at a beautiful turn of the century church way out in the country. It was nestled among the woods next to a beautiful lake. The reception was actually set up next to the lake and there were paddle boats and canoes for the guests to enjoy. Children fed the many ducks that gathered looking for handouts.

Before the ceremony, several men showed an interest in both Casey and Olivia. Casey actually met up with an old law school classmate, Sam Joiner, and he ended up sitting with them for the wedding. Though Liv flirted with quite a few, only two men really caught her eye.

One had dark hair, dark eyes, a dark complexion and was so handsome. He has to be Italian, Liv thought while returning his flashing smile with one of her own. Just then a woman came up and took him by the arm and she noticed his wedding band when he put his arm around her waist. Oh, well. She already had one married man in her life and that was one too many.

The other had blonde hair a couple of inches long, brushed slightly back and parted just off center. He had the bluest eyes which reminded Liv of someone else's baby blues. Elliot. Rarely had she seen that same color blue on someone else. This man was very trim, muscular though not nearly as ripped as Elliot and was at least an inch or two taller than Elliot. She figured he had to be 6'2" or 6'3".

He was very good looking in a more rugged way than the Italian she had been checking out. He appeared to be in his early to mid forties. He stood very straight, his stature exuding confidence. He was more fair skinned though he did have a slight tan and if he worked at it, could probably tan a little more. He seemed very comfortable with the crowd of people, so Liv figured he must be family. In actuality, he had come with a friend, too.

She found herself staring at him and he turned and caught her eye. When he did, he quickly smiled at her, revealing a row of straight, white teeth, as his blue eyes crinkled. He nodded slightly and she felt herself blushing as she smiled and then turned away. What was wrong with her today? She had blushed at Trevor's compliments and here she was blushing from a stranger's smile. Looking at him again, she thought he would make a good James Bond. She laughed to herself as she dubbed him James Blond.

During the wedding, she had the feeling someone was staring at her and when she tilted her head to her left, she saw James Blond with his eyes locked upon her. He did not even pretend to be watching the wedding. He smiled again...well, most people might consider it a smirk. She smiled slightly and looked back to the wedding. From the corner of her eye, she could tell that he continued to look at her.

She felt herself blushing again. This is so odd, she thought. Rarely was she bothered by male attention. After all, she was surrounded by males. Her job was a male dominated field, most of the perps they collared were male. Her best friend was a guy. She had dated a lot of men and she simply was not intimidated by men in the least. She was comfortable with men. So, this threw her off balance, this blushing because of the stares and smiles of a stranger.

Before she knew it, the wedding was over and she and Casey were standing by a table of food under a tent near the lake. Sam had gone to give his regards to the bride and groom and to find his friend that had come with him.

"It was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it?" Casey lifted her cup of punch to sip it.

"I suppose...I never was one for fancy weddings..." Liv stated.

"That's just because you haven't found the right guy, yet." Casey elbowed her.

"Maybe..." Liv conceded. I've found the right guy, he just happens to already be married, she thought to herself.

"Oh...here comes Sam..." Casey nodded to her right.

Olivia turned to look and when she did, her stomach flip-flopped. Walking right beside Sam, was Mr. Blond and he was looking straight at her and smiling that dazzling smile. Now that he was closer, she noticed his blue eyes were the same blue as his shirt and her dress. What was it about people with blue eyes wearing blue? It just made their eyes so much more intense, more attractive.

Sam walked up, took Casey by the arm and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Olivia raised her eyebrow and Casey winked at her.

"I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine..." He turned to his friend. "Rhett Chapman, this is my dear friend, Casey Novak..."

Rhett took Casey's hand in both of his. "The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Novak." He smiled.

"Oh, please, call me Casey. I get enough of 'Ms. Novak' at work." She grinned at him.

"And this is Casey's friend, Olivia Benson." Sam nodded toward Liv.

"I am so very pleased to meet you, Ms. Benson." He smiled as he took her hand, brought it smoothly to his lips and placed a gentle kiss upon it as he looked up at her.

Olivia nearly swooned. She was absolutely amazed by her reaction to this man. He was gorgeous. She had to force herself to speak. "Uh...pleased to meet you, too...Mr. Chapman." She knew she was blushing again and quickly turned from his unwavering gaze.

"Listen, do you mind if we all sit together...Case and I have some catching up to do and I'd love to get to know you better, Olivia. Rhett's kind of new and he came to the wedding with me in the hope of meeting some new people...so...what do you say?" Sam asked.

Casey glanced at Liv long enough to see Liv's nod. "Great...let's find a table."

They found an empty table and the men held the chairs for the ladies until they were seated. Then they went and got punch for everyone. Olivia had to make herself look at Sam and Casey when they spoke. She could barely drag her eyes away from Rhett Chapman. She should be embarrassed about it, she thought. But he seemed to be having the same problem, because every time she looked at him, he was looking at her. She felt like she was in high school and had a crush on the cutest boy in school. And she couldn't quit smiling at him.

"Casey, Sam told me the two of you met in law school. Where do you practice?" Rhett asked, looking at Casey as he set his punch down.

"I'm an Assistant District Attorney for New York County." Casey explained.

"You're a prosecutor, then..." He nodded his head in understanding.

"Mostly...unless there is a case to defend one of my detectives or the NYPD." She told him.

"You work mainly with the NYPD, then?" He asked.

"Yes...are you an attorney, too?" Casey asked him.

Rhett laughed. "No. I'm a journalist. Work for CNN. "

Liv's smile disappeared. "Journalist?" She said out loud not even realizing she spoke. She was thinking of Nick Ganzer, the reporter who stole information from a case file that had been sitting out in her apartment when they came back to her place after a night out. She did not like reporters and figured a journalist wasn't much better. She should have known he was too good to be true.

"You say that like you have something against journalists..." Rhett tilted his head toward her, that smirk of his, in place.

"Oh...uh...no...no...well...maybe...bad experience one time..." She shrugged.

"Well, Rhett's job's a little different that your average New York City reporter. Tell them about it, Rhett..." He looked at his friend.

"Well...my main passion is making documentaries, especially about war. I retired three years ago after twenty years in the Marines. Got my journalism degree while I was in and actually did some journalism work for the Corps my last couple of years. When I got out, the CNN job just kind of fell into my lap."

He glanced around the table. "Between my military career and CNN, I've been to nearly every country in the world. The atrocities of war...you never get used to them...I'd like to think that by making documentaries, perhaps future generations will understand war is not worth it...find the key to world peace."

Olivia was surprised at the passion in his voice, his words. He did not sound anything like Nick Ganzer. She could give him a chance, she thought.

"You sound like a Miss America contestant...you know... all I want is 'world peace'." Sam joked.

Rhett laughed and looked at Casey and then Olivia. "Well, if I didn't know better, I'd think we were sitting the middle of the Miss America contestants!" He winked at Liv, locking his gaze with hers.

They all laughed, as she felt the heat rise to her face and knew she was blushing again. What is with that, she thought? This was so unlike her.

"Hey, Olivia...Casey tells me she works closely with you. You're a cop, right?" Sam asked.

"Cop?" The surprise on Rhett's face and in his voice was quite evident, as his head snapped toward her.

Liv chuckled, raising her left eyebrows. "You say that like you have something against cops..."

He laughed, realizing she was using his own line on him. "Nothing against cops...it's just that I have never known a lady cop as gorgeous as you." His smile melted her.

"And how many lady cops do you know?" She was trying to make light of his compliment.

"Well, just one. You. NYPD, I assume? What do you do? Write parking tickets to all the poor, huddled masses just trying to find their way through the crowded streets of New York City?" He seemed amused that she was a cop.

She snorted. "I'm a Detective. Sixteenth precinct in Manhattan." She answered, dreading his next question, knowing what it would be.

"Detective? Interesting. What kind of crimes do you investigate?" He seemed truly interested in the conversation.

Here it comes. The part where his face will blanch and she will see his eyes cloud over as the thoughts start running around in his mind. He will think one of two things...either she has to be totally whacked to do a job like this and he will have no further interest, or he will be perversely intrigued and his interest in her will be piqued tenfold, thinking she must be into the kinky side herself to have a job like this. Either way, it would mean the end of any possible relationship.

"I work for the SVU...Special Victims Unit." She met his eyes straight on as she answered.

"Special victims...that's...uh...rapes, child abuse..." His voice was serious and matched the look on his face.

"Yes...anything to do with sexually based crimes or any kind of crimes against children or the elderly. Those are our special vics." She watched his face for any sign of disgust or perverse interest. There was none.

"Hmmm...sounds a lot like the war crimes I document." He looked away from her, seeming to be deep in thought. His eyes captured hers once again. "Society's weakest victims. Military or civilian. Either way, it's a tough job."

She nodded, their eyes speaking an understanding of the other. She rarely felt such a connection with anyone, especially a man. The last time she felt like this, was when Cragen introduced her to her partner. Elliot. Their bond was immediate. And now, she felt an odd attraction to Rhett and not just because he was so good looking. There was more to this guy than met the eye and she found herself hoping she had an opportunity to learn more about him.

Sam, sensing things were getting a little too serious, found the perfect out. "Looks like everyone needs a refill...come on, Rhett. Excuse us...we'll be right back." Sam stood.

When they were out of earshot, Casey leaned over the table toward Liv. "Girlfriend, he is so into you! What do you think? He's a hunk! Great job! You go, girl!"

"Casey...we just met like..." She turned her watch over. "Forty-five minutes ago." She paused. "He is gorgeous, though!" They both broke into a fit of laughter.

"Well...I am putting money on it! He will ask for your number before we leave. Mark my words!" Casey told her.

"Looks like Sam is pretty interested in you...gonna give him your number?" Liv smirked.

"Oh, honey...he's already got my number. We traded business cards when we first saw each other again. We used to hang together a lot our last year of law school...but you know how it is...lost touch after we got jobs in different cities." Casey was looking in Sam's direction. "I had forgotten how much fun we had together..."

The guys returned with the drinks. After they sat around talking a bit more, Rhett leaned over to Olivia. "Would you like to dance? I love the big band music they are playing." His eyes shone with merriment.

"Yes. I'd love to dance." Liv answered, smiling.

He stood and pulled her chair out as she stood. "If you will excuse us, this beautiful lady has agreed to dance with me." He grinned at Casey and Sam.

Taking Olivia's right hand, he led her to the dance floor. He put his right hand around her waist and she slipped her left around his shoulder. He held her right hand clasped in his left, against his chest, close to his heart. He was careful to leave a couple of inches between them.

"Olivia...that's a very pretty name...for a very pretty woman. Not a one you hear often. Family name?" Those blue eyes gazed into hers and once again she thought of Elliot and how the blues were so much alike.

"No...not a family name. Tell you the truth, I'm not sure where my mother came up with it." She shrugged. "Never really even thought about it. So, was your mom a 'Gone with the Wind' fan...you named after Rhett Butler?" She teased him.

Laughing, he pulled her away, twirled her and then brought her back to him. "Frankly, my dear...I don't have the slightest clue if she was a 'Gone with the Wind' fan or not." He did a pretty good Clark Gable imitation.

Liv laughed at it. "That was really good."

"My given name is Everett. Got shortened to 'Rhett' over the years. Everett doesn't have an 'h' in it but since everyone always spelled 'Rhett' with an 'h', I finally decided to go with the flow and spell it 'R-h-e-t-t', too."

"Everett isn't a very common name either." She noted, as she got another whiff of the heavenly cologne he was wearing.

"No, I guess not. So...you has a nickname or do you always go by Olivia?" He smiled at her.

"Olivia is what I go by and what I use when stating my name...but my close friends call me 'Liv'. She told him.

"How close do your friends have to be to call you 'Liv', Olivia?" He teased her.

"Mmmm...you'll just have to stick around and find out." As soon as she said the words, she wished she could take them back. That was about as forward as she thought she had ever been with a man. At least, one she had just met! She supposed she should have been embarrassed. But strangely enough, she was not.

He laughed and pulled her closer. They finished the dance in silence and returned to their table.

Casey and Sam returned from dancing right after Liv and Rhett had sat back down. They talked for a bit longer and then it was time for the bride and groom to leave for their honeymoon.

Gathering with the other guests as Anise threw the bouquet, Olivia was turned talking to Casey. She really did not like weddings and she never understood some of the traditions that went with them. Throwing the bouquet was one she found silly. She suddenly heard a chorus of 'look out' and 'turn around' and just as she turned the bouquet hit her in the chest. She was surprised to find herself holding an armful of beautiful flowers. Casey went wild, jumping up and down. Liv just stood there in shock as a smile crept over her face.

Rhett watched as Olivia stood in the crowd of single women hoping to catch the bouquet. He found it quite amusing was that she did not seem the least bit interested in what was going on. She was busy talking a mile a minute to Casey. He saw the bouquet sailing over the squealing, screaming women and then saw Olivia turn just in time to catch the bouquet against her breast. She was totally shocked. Casey was jumping and pulling on her and she just stood there with a slight smile and looked around as though she were embarrassed by all the attention.

He wondered how on earth such a beautiful woman was single. What little he had learned of her this afternoon, he liked. He had dated many women and rarely had he felt such an immediate attraction as the one he felt toward Olivia. Not in a physical way, either. Well, yes, in that way, too, but more so in that he wanted to get to know her. Find out what made her tick. Find out just who is Olivia Benson, the woman, the detective. He was going to find a way to stick around long enough to become her friend. Long enough to have the privilege to call her 'Liv'.

Then the groom, David Perruli, took the garter and flicked it from his outstretched finger and thumb. It flew end over end into the crowd of bachelors and was grabbed out of the air by none other than Sam Joiner. All the other guys slapped him on the back and made smart aleck comments to him. He grinned at Casey over the crowd, as he waved the garter in the air.

She waved back, smiling broadly as she elbowed Liv. "Maybe we can have a double wedding!"

Liv just rolled her eyes. As she looked around, she saw Rhett staring at her. When their eyes locked, he nodded, smiling and started toward her.

"Wonder if it's true what they say about the woman who catches the wedding bouquet?" He asked her as he fingered one of the roses.

"I can tell you the answer is 'no'! I probably hold the World Book record for the number of bouquets caught at weddings. And I have managed to remain single!" She laughed.

"You say that like you have had to work at it...bet you've had lots of boyfriends..." He smiled.

"Had my share, I suppose..." She smiled back, suddenly very nervous for some reason.

"Any boyfriends hanging around now? Anyone special in your life?" His smile was gone now and he looked deep into her eyes.

She took a moment to look at him and think. Boyfriends? No. Anyone special? Yes. He would always be special, would always have a hold on her heart. She would always love him, but it was time. Time to let go of broken paper dreams and shattered hopes. She liked this man. Rhett Chapman. It was time to quit looking at the past and focus on the future. Elliot was the past. Rhett could very well be the future.

She slowly shook her head, as a smile spread over her face. She looked him in the eyes, brown on blue. "No...there is no one." No one, she thought to herself as she mentally pushed Elliot's face aside and replaced it with Rhett.

"I've enjoyed talking with you, Olivia. Would you mind if I call you sometime?" He smiled.

"I'd love to hear from you." Digging in her purse, she pulled out one of her cards. She turned it over and wrote her cell phone and home phone numbers on it. As he took her card, he covered her hand with his and looked deep into her eyes. He bowed, ever so slightly, never breaking their gaze, backed away from her and left.

- - - - -

**A/N: **_Thanks for the reviews. Some of you said the chapters were too long...?? I shortened this one a bit...so what is the general consensus? Appreciate you guys! " ) Bensler_

**P.S.**_ I am doing something with my stories...each story will have the title of each of my previous stories somewhere within the new story...see if you can find them? You know...'it had to be over' and 'just below the surface' will be somewhere in this story. Oh, and no 'find' function allowed! LOL!_


	3. Anticipation

**Chapter 3 - Anticipation**

**Stabler Residence**

**Saturday, May 3**

The excited roar of the crowd as the ball was pummeled into the stands in right field, did nothing to pull Elliot out of his daydream. Kathy was walking through with a load of laundry and noticed that he did not seem to paying any attention to the game. All he had talked about this week was the game. How glad he was he was that he had the day off, even though he and Liv were on call. He couldn't wait to get all his favorite junk food, sit in his recliner and watch the game.

She looked at him for a minute. He had on a white muscle shirt, navy blue shorts and white socks. He had not shaved that morning and the shadow of his beard gave him a rough, hard look. She liked him better clean shaven. But even so, he was a good looking man.

She wished she knew what to do to make things good between them again. She had just about come to the conclusion, that they would never be good again and she was not sure how much more she could take of this sullen, withdrawn man who was her husband. A soda was in his hand and a bowl of chips and a sandwich with one bite taken from it sat on the table next to him. She put the basket down on the couch and sat on the arm of the recliner. He still did not move.

"Elliot?" She said softly.

"Elliot? Hello?" She patted his cheek.

His eyes squinted and he turned his head toward her, just a little. "Yea...what is it?"

"I should be asking you that? You talked about this game all week and now you aren't even paying any attention...are you okay?" She watched his face for clues.

"I'm fine...just a lot on my mind...I'm fine." He pulled her hand from his face and got up to go into the kitchen for another soda.

Following him, she leaned against the counter near the sink. "Elliot...you're not fine. You have been like this off and on for months. What is going on?"

"Been like what? And nothing is going on!" He was irritated at her questions.

"Sometimes everything seems okay between us...you seem okay. And then you'll go days or weeks, barely talking to me or the kids...wrapped up in your own world...like just now...it's like you are somewhere else...like you'd rather be anywhere but here." She knew he knew what she was talking about.

"Look, Kathy...I'm here...back at home...just like you asked...I don't know what you want from me...what else I can give you..." He took a big gulp of soda and looked at her.

"I'd like to know that my husband wants to be here...with me...with our children." Her voice held a tone he wasn't sure he had heard before. Defeat?

"Like I said...I'm here...and it's still not enough for you, is it?" He was angry.

Angry that he had gotten himself sucked right back in to the same situation that he almost gotten out of just over a year ago. It wasn't all Kathy's fault. He was just as much to blame. Maybe more so because he had finally admitted to himself he was in love with someone else and had no business turning to Kathy.

He had worked up his nerve and planned to tell Liv that weekend. He was going to lay it all out. He was tired of living a lie. The anticipation of finally admitting his feelings did not choke him like he thought it would. Rather, he had felt a sense of freedom. If she didn't feel the same way, but he was sure she did, then at least she would know about his feelings for her.

But then Kathy had showed up at the precinct and blown his plans out of the water. He would never want to live without Eli now, but he would forever wish he had found another way to find the help and comfort he needed the night they found that Malcom Royce had shot his family to death. Another way, another place, another person other than his soon to be ex-wife. He should have turned to his partner. His best friend. He should have turned to Olivia.

"Elliot, it's just that I am so tired of being shut out of your life...I just want us to share things." She tried to talk calmly, but it was not easy, especially when he did not seem to be paying attention.

He ran his hand over his head and face. "Kathy...I just...don't want to have this discussion right now, okay?"

"No. It's not okay. You never want to discuss this...or anything! You never want to talk about us!" Her voice was now raised.

"Kathy...I told you...I don't feel like talking right now..." He just wanted her to shut up.

"You know, El, no one is holding a gun to your head to keep you here..." She was starting to get upset now.

He started out of the kitchen. "Yea...well, it sure as feels like it..." He mumbled under his breath.

She grabbed his arm, causing the can of soda to fly out of his hand, fall to the floor, spraying on the cabinets and refrigerator, spewing the beverage as it rolled across the tile. "What did you say?" She angrily demanded.

She heard exactly what he said and he knew it. His eyes were narrow slits, as he looked down at her hand on his arm. "Nothing...nothing." He pulled away and went back to the recliner leaving Kathy to clean up the kitchen.

- - - - - -

**Benson Residence**

**Sunday, May 4**

Early Sunday afternoon Liv was just coming in from picking up a few groceries at the corner market, when she heard someone leaving a message on her home phone. Trying to get her key out of her back jean pocket, she dropped a bag which broke open when it hit the floor, cans rolling everywhere.

She got the key in and opened the door. Trying to get inside quickly, another bag got caught on the doorknob and jerked her back causing her to drop the third bag in her hands. By the time she untangled herself and got to the phone, the message had been left and the caller had hung up. It was Rhett. Sighing, she hit 'play'.

'Olivia...hi, this is Rhett. Rhett Chapman. From the wedding. I told you I would call...guess I missed you. Was going to see if you wanted to hang out at the park, get a hotdog or something, this afternoon. It's a beautiful day. Well, if you get this, say within an hour, give me a call and we'll work something out...uh...that is if you want to do that...okay. Well, see you.'

She was so disappointed that she missed his call. Well, she would just call him back like he said. It was then she realized she did not have his number. He had taken her card to call her. He did not offer his number and she did not ask for it. Checking the caller I.D. it said 'private number'.

Sighing again, she started picking up the cans and taking everything to the kitchen. She was putting dishwasher detergent under the kitchen sink when the shrill ring of the phone caused her to snap her head up and bang it on the cabinet.

"Ow!" Grabbing her head, she ran for the phone. "Hello." She said breathlessly.

"Olivia?" Rhett asked.

"Yes...this is she..." She was still trying to catch her breath and not sound like she just couldn't wait to get his call.

"Bad time? You sound out of breath." He asked.

"Oh...no...was in the kitchen...ran to get the phone...I...uh...got your message...and was going to call you back, but I didn't have your number and..." She began, still rubbing her head where a bump had formed.

"It came up 'private number', right? That's why I called back. I realized I did not leave my number for you. I have a private number because of work...you'd be surprised how many whackos want to talk about my documentaries and how many don't like what I expose...anyway, what do you think about the park?" He asked her.

"I'd love it. Give me a few minutes to finish putting up my groceries and change into some shorts and I'll meet you...say thirty minutes?" She was already deciding what shorts to wear.

"Oh, I'll come by and pick you up..." He suggested.

"No...I'll just meet you, okay. At the beginning of the bike trail closest to the river." She was wary about letting guys know where she lived until she got to know them better.

"Okay. Thirty minutes." He said.

Wow. She could not believe he called. She had thought about him a little this morning and figured he would call some time this week. But she never imagined he would call this soon. She was glad he did. She put everything away and headed to the bedroom to change. She could not wait to get to the park.

- - - - -

**Riverside Park**

**Sunday, May 4**

Rhett scanned the sidewalk and bike trail for Olivia. She told him she would meet him at the beginning of the bike trail. He had arrived early and sat on a bench overlooking the river for awhile, but he needed to work off some of the nervousness his anticipation of seeing Olivia had produced, so now he paced. He could not believe how he felt. He laughed at himself, thinking he was not this nervous the first time he asked a girl out when he was in high school.

There was something about Olivia. From the moment he laid eyes on her, he was aware of something different, something pulling him toward her. He just had a feeling things were going to be good with her.

He had never married. Came close a couple of times, but he just never seemed to find the one woman who was _the_ one. The one who would make him want to put his ring on her finger and his name at the end of hers. It might be too soon to be thinking that way, but he found himself imagining Olivia as the bride in that wedding yesterday. She would be an extraordinarily beautiful bride.

"Been stood up by your date, buddy?" A familiar voice pulled him from his daydreams.

Turning, he looked right into the liquid brown eyes of the woman in his daydream. "Hope not. She's this really awesome lady...if you get a chance to meet her, you'd know just what I mean." They laughed.

"Hi, Olivia. I'm glad you came." He smiled, looking her over while trying not to look her over.

In running shoes, she seemed much shorter today than yesterday. She was still fairly tall, 5'8" or 5'9" he figured, but she must have had three or four inch heels on yesterday. She was only a couple of inches shorter at the wedding but today he had to look down at her a good six inches. She had on sunglasses, cut-off blue jean shorts, just above mid-thigh and a blue Columbia University t-shirt. He was dressed in khaki shorts, a solid red t-shirt with the sleeves ripped out and running shoes, as well. An Atlanta Braves baseball cap covered his head.

"Hi, Rhett." She smiled, glancing down at his shoes. "Do you run?"

"Actually, I do...but I haven't quite gotten back into the routine since moving back." He told her, looking down at their shoes. "Do you?"

"Yea...usually manage to get at least two days a week in...sometimes three...just depends on the case load at work." She ran her hands through her hair. "So...what's on the agenda?"

"Agenda? Uh...I really don't have any plans...just thought we'd hang out and get to know each other a little. How about we start off walking and just talk a bit?" He smiled. Reaching behind him, he pulled out a frisbee and waved it at her. "Oh...and later, I'll show off some of my skills. I got a double major in college...journalism and frisbee."

She laughed. "Actually, I majored in frisbee myself."

They started walking slowly, talking. Olivia could not believe how nervous she had been to see him again. But now, she was surprised at how comfortable she was with him. They walked for about fifteen minutes, before ending up at the edge of the river. Collecting a bunch of flat rocks, Rhett gave Liv a handful and engaged her in a stone skipping contest. She was pretty good at it, but he beat her.

He told her that on one of the details he was on in Iraq, they camped in a bombed out palace and the huge swimming pool still had water. To pass the time, they skipped coins across the pool. Someone would dive in and collect the coins and they would do it all over, sometimes for hours on end. She was intrigued by his stories of the war.

"Did I hear Sam tell Casey you are actually from here?" She threw another rock and watched it skipped seven or eight times.

"Yea...raised in the Bronx. Joined the Marines when I was twenty. Been out three years. Spent the last couple of years in Atlanta...you know the job with CNN. Had the opportunity to transfer back home...so here I am." He smiled, but it was sad. She did not want to pry but she wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything about him, but she also knew if she kept asking questions he would feel justified in asking her about her life. She was not sure she was ready for that, no matter how comfortable she felt with him. She would try to stay on safe subjects.

"Do you miss the service?" She had throw all her rocks and now watched him throw his last few.

"Not like I thought I would...maybe because I was able to slip right into a job that I really love doing...I don't know. I do miss the comradery. You know...it was my family for twenty years. But now that I'm back home, I have my real family again. Though that hasn't been as easy as I thought...coming home." He sat by the edge of the river, wrapped his arms around his knees and stared out at the water.

She could not help herself. Her curiosity took control of her mind and mouth. "What do you mean that you have your real family back again?

"Long story...I'll tell you...if you really want to know..." He looked up at her.

She looked down at him and pushed her sunglasses back on the top of her head. "Only if you want to tell me."

He patted the ground next to him and she sat. "My dad was a hard man...the kind that thought if he brought a paycheck home, his job was done. He was never really abusive to me and my brothers and sisters, but he was not exactly the doting father. I guess I always knew he loved me, but he never showed it and sure as heck never said it. Emotionally distant, I guess is what they would say nowadays." He sighed.

"Anyway, something happened at work that wasn't his fault...he kind of got caught in the middle...and well, after that he started drinking...really drinking. I was a high school senior. Things were really bad for a couple of years...then one day he shoved Mom and I got between them and shoved him back." Olivia tried not to look at him too much. He was very upset telling this.

"He swung at me, hit me and I hit him back. We got into a scuffle and one of my brothers had to pull me off to break it up. My dad told me to pack my things, that as far as he was concerned I was no longer his son..." He paused, blinking rapidly and Olivia knew he was trying to hold back tears.

He sighed and began again. "I left. A buddy's parents let me stay with them til I finished up my sophomore year at a junior college. Joined the Marines and never looked back." He was looking out over the water.

"What about your Mom? Your brothers and sisters?" The thought of willingly leaving a family behind was foreign to her.

"Mom would come visit me a couple of times a year...one or both of my sisters would usually come with her...and sometimes my youngest brother...my other brother that's a couple of years behind me...he was already married when I left and never had the money or time to come visit. I've only seen him a few times in all these years. And he is still pretty mad at me for cutting out on the family...especially Mom."

"Wasn't that hard...to not see your family?" She could not imagine doing this.

"At first, but then I just got caught up in my own life...I came back for Christmas eleven or twelve years ago...Dad and I sort of made up...but I knew it would never be great between us. Came home a few more times after that but it was easier to stay away. He died about ten years ago. Mom is getting older and I wanted to be closer...try to make it up to her a little...she lives about thirty miles north of the city now. She moved to the lake house my grandparents left her. One of my sisters lives nearby." He leaned toward Liv and nudged her shoulder with his.

Olivia was thinking about his family and the fact that she had never really had a family. It was just she and her mom. She could not help but wonder if it was worse to have a family and things be bad or never have one. At least he has brothers and sisters and probably nieces and nephews. She was glad she had found Simon, but he was only a half brother and his father, their father, was her mother's rapist. Life could be so totally messed up, she thought. She desperately hoped he did not ask about her family. She was not ready to tell him.

"I bet she's so glad you're home..." She smiled at him.

"Yea...she is. Wish I could say the same for the whole family." He had a faraway look in his eye.

"What do you mean?" She asked quietly.

"Ah...I'don't know...one of my brothers, Sonny...he just can't seem to forgive me for leaving like I did. He says he understood why I left, but not how I could stay gone so long and not have much contact with the family." He let out a breath of air through puckered lips.

"Why is he still upset when your other siblings seem to have forgiven you? Were you close?" She was curious about the one brother.

"He's a real family man...been married since right out of high school...got a bunch of kids...his family is the most important thing to him...I've only seen him once in the two months I've been home. Always finds an excuse not to see me. And yes...we were real tight growing up." He looked at her now.

She nodded her head. She could understand why Sonny felt that way. If she had family, she would not want to ever leave them. "He probably just missed you...still misses you. I'm sure he will come around eventually."

"Yea. Hey, come on and let's throw the frisbee!" He jumped up and pulled her up, keeping her hand in his as he took off running toward a wide open area of grass.

- - - - -

**Benson Residence**

**Sunday, May 4**

Olivia was still smiling and it had been hours since she left Rhett at the park and headed home. She could not quit thinking about him and the afternoon they had just spent together. She could not remember the last time she had so much fun with a guy. Or anybody, for that matter. They walked, talked, threw the frisbee, sat by the pond and skipped stones.

They listened to a pop singer with a guitar and sang along with the songs they knew. Another band played mostly country music and Rhett taught her enough steps to line dance a little bit. He bought her a chocolate ice cream cone while he got strawberry and they laughed as the ice cream dripped down their hands and fingers, melting from the hot sun. They rinsed them in the pond and ended up splashing each other in a water fight, ending up nearly soaked. They ate hot dogs as they watched two little boys playing with motorized boats in the water fountain pool.

She felt she did not have a care in the world. Like she was a kid again. Well, like a kid should feel...like she was not sure she ever felt growing up with an alcoholic mother.

He convinced her to go down the big slide and to try the monkey bar. They see-sawed and even rode the animal rockers on the giant springs. They had a contest to see who could swing the highest...she won. Then he pushed her and twirled the chains on her swing and made her go round and round in a circle as she screamed in mock protest.

He pushed the merry go round and hopped on, riding until when they got off, neither could walk straight. He caught her before she fell to the ground, breaking her fall as he pulled her down with him. He had brushed her bangs from her face and kissed her on the nose and then started rolling them over and over down a slope, his arms holding her close to him. When they finally stopped and he helped her up, she was hot and sweaty and dirty and could not remember the last time she had gotten that way from playing and having a good time.

She had a wonderful time and when he asked her if he could call again she could not keep the big grin from breaking across her face. Yes. Definitely yes. She almost asked him to come back to her place for dinner, but decided that might be a little too much after spending nearly five hours with him today. She would save that for down the road a bit...maybe later in the week.

She was surprised, and if she were honest, a bit disappointed, when he did not even try to kiss her goodbye. He had held both her hands in his, pulled them out to the side and then back in between them. He kissed each hand and told her had a wonderful day and would call her soon. She found herself wondering what it would be like to kiss him, but then decided she was jumping ahead of the game.

She had taken a long, cool shower when she got home and was dressed in short cotton pajamas, her feet bare. Relaxing on her couch listening to some old records of her mom's, she chuckled to herself upon realizing Carly Simon's sultry voice was singing about 'Anticipation'. How appropriate. She was definitely anticipating every aspect of getting to know Rhett Chapman better. Deeply entranced in her daydreams, the vibrating of her cell phone rudely interrupted, pulling her back to the here and now.

"Benson." She spoke softly, like she was not really paying attention.

"Liv...hey. We got a call. Washington Square park...possible gang rape. I'll swing by to get you...my ETA is about ten minutes." Elliot was all business. Nothing odd about that, these days.

"All right." She sighed and flipped the phone closed.

So, much for a quiet evening replaying her wonderful afternoon. Grabbing a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and her tennis shoes, she hurried to get dressed to meet Elliot. Anticipation of another kind began to fill her now. The anticipation of dread in wondering what kind of mood he would be in and how he would treat her tonight.

- - - - - -

**A/N: **_Okay guys...it's starting to get going...and 'rhett' assured...there is more Rhett to come! I sure do appreciate all the reviews! " ) Bensler_


	4. Aware

**Chapter 4 - Aware**

**SVU Police Cruiser **

**Sunday Evening, May 4**

Liv was waiting at the door of her building when the brown cruiser pulled up to the curb. As she bounded down the steps, Elliot pushed the door open. She jumped in, grabbing the seatbelt and snapping it in place.

"Hey...sorry to interrupt your evening..." He smiled a small smile.

"Not your fault we are on call..." She smiled back at him.

He handed her a steaming cup of tea. She looked at him, puzzlement on her face as she took the insulated cup from him. It had been a long time since he brought her tea like this...so long she could not even remember the last time.

"Thanks." She turned away, raising her eyebrow, as she took a cautious sip.

"What?" He asked, tilting his head and frowning at her, questioning her behavior.

"What what?" She was teasing him and he wasn't sure what to make of it.

"What's with the funny look?" He looked over his shoulder and pulled out into the street.

"Funny? I didn't hear anyone laughing. What's funny?" She was trying not to smile.

"Very funny. You know what I mean...that look you gave me when I handed you the tea." He explained

"Oh...so, I _look_ funny? Is that what you are trying to tell me? Gee, thanks, El." She turned and looked out her window, like she was hurt.

"Come on, Olivia...you know what I mean...you looked at me like I had four eyes or something when I gave you the tea." He rolled his eyes at her. She called him 'El'...that was a good thing. She had not called him that in a while.

"Well...it's just that...I can't remember the last time you brought me tea...and I guess it seemed a little strange...you know...just wondering was there an ulterior motive..." She shook the cup lightly in a circle to stir it a bit.

"Ulterior motive? For bringing you tea?" He snorted, looking into the review mirror as he changed lanes.

"Yea...did you spike it or something to get me in trouble...you know...when I show up drunk?" She pretended to slur the last few words. "Or poison it to get me out of your way?" She fell over in her seat as though she had died.

Now he laughed, finally realizing she was just messing with him. She was just kidding, wasn't she? "Okay...what's with you tonight, huh?"

"Nothing...just had a really good day, that's all." She grinned, not at him, but to herself, he noticed.

"Gonna tell me about it?" He prodded. She seemed different tonight, but he could not put his finger on why.

"Nope." She turned to look back out the window, still smiling.

They rode the rest of the way lost in their own individual thoughts. Elliot's curiosity about her day was going to drive him crazy. He wondered what she did, where she went and mostly with who did she spend the day. Intuitively, he knew she had to have been with someone...as in a guy. A date. Someone new? Porter again? He'd take care of him with a well placed punch. Langan? He was still apparently interested in her.

Maybe she's been seeing someone that he did not know about? No. He would know if she was dating someone. Wouldn't he? Of course, he would. She would tell him. Wouldn't she? No. Why would she tell him about her love life when he barely acknowledged her anymore, let alone talked to her about anything of significance? He hadn't seen her smile this much at one time in...well...in years.

Imagining her with someone else, made him feel like a sailor was in his stomach tying it into every kind of knot known to man. Someone else? Like he had a right to be upset that she would be with another man. Another man? What is he thinking? She does not belong to him. She is not his. He would have to be involved with her for her to be with _another man _or _someone else_. They are not involved. He is married. How is that for involved?

He and Liv are only partners. Only friends. Best friends. At least he hoped they were still best friends. Not involved? Who is he kidding? Not physically involved, but in every way that mattered, he was deeply involved with Olivia Benson. Whether or not she was even aware of his involvement. He cast a sideways glance at her, the street lamps casting strips of light across her face. She was beautiful. He felt his heart skip a beat and he mentally forced himself to think of anything but his partner sitting two feet away from him.

Olivia realized that for the first time after not seeing Elliot for a couple of days, she was not as excited to see him as she would have been even several days ago. She had not missed him like she usually did. Perhaps the combination of meeting Rhett and Elliot's attitude toward her, would give her the extra push she needed to really get over him. She was still thinking of Rhett and how much fun they had together. She could not wait to hear from him again.

He brought out a side to her she had not even been aware existed. A totally fun side, silly, happy go lucky, the little girl, the child in her. The child that had never been allowed to be a child. She was surprised to find that child still existed.

Maybe she was always there just waiting for the right person to come along and give her permission to live. To be set free. She smiled to herself thinking about 'the right person'. Was Rhett the right person? That she would even be thinking like this so early in their relationship, amazed her. Relationship? Did they have a relationship yet? Yet. She smiled, again.

She had been so sure for so long that Elliot was the only man for her. She had just known he would make a move after she came back from computer crimes. When he did not, her heart was broken, but she thought he wasn't quite ready. She still wished things could be different between them. Wished he had never gone to Kathy that night. But he had. And by doing so, he had sealed not only his future, but hers as well.

She had to move on if she were ever to have chance at real happiness in this life. Elliot had shown her that by his increasing moodiness and at times, what seemed almost like contempt for her. He had ignored and pushed her away one time too many and she finally got the message. One thing she was certain of, she would always love Elliot Stabler, but she had realized, at long last, she neither could nor would ever have a life with him.

He was bound by his family, his marriage, his God. Looking at him from the corner of her eye, she felt her breath hitch at the sight of his strong, handsome profile. If she could turn back the clock and be the one to comfort him after the Royce killings, she would. She still loved him. She would always love him. She was just determined to find a way to love someone else in spite of her feelings for him.

- - - - -

**Washington Square Park **

**Sunday Evening, May 4**

Pulling up to the flashing lights of several patrol cars, a fire engine and an ambulance, Elliot parked the car and he and Olivia got out and walked toward the crowd.

Flashing his badge, he spoke. "Detective Stabler, SVU...my partner, Detective Benson. What we got?"

Olivia stood beside him, looking around, as one of the officers filled Elliot in on what they knew. She spotted a blond, long haired, young woman, who looked to be in her early twenties. She was crying as an EMT talked with her. Liv made her way through the crowd, flashing her own badge. One of the uniformed cops told her what she already assumed. The young woman was the victim.

"Hi, I'm Olivia and I'm a police officer. What's your name, sweetie?" She knelt down in front of the young woman so she could look right into her eyes on the same level. That was less intimidating than for the victim to have to look up at an officer.

"Zhanna." Speaking with a slight accent, she wiped tears from her bright blue eyes. "Zhanna Tarasov."

"That is a pretty name. Would you mind spelling that for me?" Olivia smiled as she pulled a notepad and pen from her pocket.

"Z-h-a-n-n-a. It is pronounced with a long 'a'. My surname is spelled T-a-r-a-s-o-v." It was then that Olivia realized her words were somewhat slurred.

"Okay...Zhanna...can you tell me what happened?" Olivia's eyes narrowed slightly as she searched the young woman's face.

"I was walking in the park...I hear voices...men...I became frightened and walked faster. One jumped out in front of me and I try to go around him. Another jumped out and I turn around to go back and a third one, he runs in front of me. I start to plead for them to please take my money and let me go. They do not listen...one of them says to the others 'take her' and they pull me to the bushes and they...they..." She began to cry so hard, Olivia could not understand her.

"Can you describe the men, Zhanna?" She was writing quickly in her notepad. She glanced up as Elliot came and stood about five feet from them.

He loved seeing Olivia in action. Listening to her soothing words as she attempted to comfort victims filled him with pride. Her voice was soft as she called them sweetie, sweetheart or honey. She spoke their names like a mother would...gentle, caring. Her eyes filled with compassion and concern.

When she placed a hand on a shoulder or arm, or held a child close or brushed the hair from a victim's face, he would remember how warm and soft her hands were. He knew this from when she had used them to comfort him or to squelch his anger before it became a full blown rage, to calm him as only she could.

He was impressed by her thoughtfulness of seemingly little things such as always being either eye level with them or situated below them in an attempt to give them the feeling of power and control over the interview. Control had been taken during the progress of a crime against them and it was important that they have some semblance of regaining that control. Olivia sensed this and was always considerate of the victim's feelings, emotional well being as well as their physical care and comfort.

He was amazed at her questioning skills, how she could get even the most hesitant victim to talk, to divulge much more than they thought they could remember, to agree to a rape kit or other medical tests. He loved her a little bit more each time he watched her climb into the back of an ambulance, insistent that the victim not be alone. She, who had been alone all her life, would not let their special victims be alone at such a traumatic time.

"It was too dark...they had on dark clothes, but I remember one had a silver tooth in front...like right here..." She pointed to her top left front tooth. "And one had a tattoo of the sun...it had a face in it. The third man...his cologne...it was...Eternity. Calvin Klein's Eternity. One of the others called him Anatoly."

Olivia nodded and looked over at Elliot. He did not seem to get what she was trying to convey to him. She missed being in sync with him like they used to be. It made the job harder and she just missed being that in tune with him and he with her.

"Zhanna...why were you out in the park alone so late at night?" Olivia quit writing and looked into Zhanna's eyes.

She could not hold Olivia's gaze and looked down and fidgeted with the hem of her tank top. "I...I had come for a drink..."

"Alone? New York City is no place for a young woman to be out alone in at night. How long have you lived here?" She leaned a bit closer to the young woman

The cadence of Live's voice had changed, so subtly that most people would never even have noticed it. But Elliot noticed. It was then he realized that Liv was not buying the story being fed to her. Why she felt that way, he could not imagine. It sounded pretty good to him.

"Yes...alone. I have been here three years. I come from the Ukraine." She still would not look at Olivia.

Liv nodded at her and started writing in the notepad again. "So...how many...drinks did you have and over what period of time?"

"Uh...period of time?" She looked confused.

"How long did it take you to drink the drinks?" Olivia explained

"I...I maybe two...maybe three...I do not know how long of a time...a couple of hours." She looked at Liv with glazed, red rimmed blue eyes.

Liv knew with the way her words were slurred, she had more than three drinks. "Okay...we're going to get you to a hospital...I'll ride with you, okay?" She smiled at Zhanna and turned to Elliot, pulling him away while the EMTs settled their victim on the gurney.

"You don't buy her story, do you?" Elliot whispered to her.

"Not at all...something else is going on here." She looked back over her shoulder watching as Zhanna was lifted into the ambulance.

He shook his head. "She reminds me so much of my girls...so young...so naive. What's not to buy, Liv? She's pretty traumatized, beat up. Sure looks like she was raped." He tilted his head back a bit so that he was looking down his nose at her through squinted eyes.

She did not like his attitude which to her said it's 'clear cut, plain and simple, let's wrap it up and go home'. And she certainly did not like him looking down his nose at her, whether it was intentional or not. She suddenly felt like smacking him. A feeling that was coming more and more often when Elliot was involved.

"Elliot...it's the middle of the night...there are no lights around here... she even said it was too dark to see them but then proceeds to describe a capped tooth, a tattoo in detail and tells us the brand and name of cologne the third one was wearing along with his name. She has something on all three of them. There is more to this that just rape, if there even was a rape." She shook her head, turned and climbed into the ambulance.

"Okay...okay. See you at the hospital." He watched as an EMT closed the doors and went to the front of the ambulance. The shrill of the siren split the night air as he headed for the cruiser.

- - - - - -

**Chapman Residence **

**Sunday Evening, May 4**

Rhett had gone home late that afternoon with a spring in his step and a lightness in his heart he could not remember ever experiencing. He had such a great time today with Olivia. They spent the day at the park doing nothing and everything. All the things a kid would do on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in late spring.

The weather was as perfect as the day. High seventies, a gentle breeze in the air, bright blue skies with just enough puffy white clouds to lay on the grass and see what shapes your imagination could conjure up in them. They had done just that for a good while and played on every piece of playground equipment they found, listened to music by different musicians. He showed her how to do a simple line a dance. She had whined at first but caught on quickly and decided she might even want to learn more later.

They talked and talked and talked. About important things like friends and family and hopes and dreams. About everyday things such as their jobs and coworkers and politics and traffic. About crazy things like have you ever walked in the rain...on purpose or made a wish on a falling star and later have it come true. He found he could talk to her so easily and that was new for him. Especially, talking about his family and his estrangement from his father. That was hard.

He wished he had not spent so many years so far away, missing so much of the lives of his parents, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. He loved his father and wished things had been different with them. That was the only thing she had not talked about, that he sensed she was not ready to tell him...about her father. It was okay. He would not pressure her because he knew, he knew Olivia would share it when she was comfortable enough with him and felt like it was time. Until then, he would just get to know the parts about her she _was _willing to reveal to him.

Not only had they talked with ease, they had sat quietly side by side at the pond watching the ducks and again on a bench watching kites rise higher and higher into the sky. Each lost in their own thoughts and yet so comfortable with the silence between them, that neither were compelled to talk for the sake of talking. That was rare. Very rare to find someone you could say nothing with, yet in that silence, say everything.

He almost called her that night, to thank her again for coming to the park and making it such a wonderful day. He wanted to hear her voice one more time before he closed his eyes in sleep. But he did not call. He realized she had been alone most of her life. She was used to her space and time and he did not want to suffocate her and ruin the very first time they were together. He could wait until tomorrow to call her. To talk to her. To secure another date. Yes, he could wait until tomorrow...morning.

- - - - -

**Benson Residence **

**Monday Morning, May 5**

She had stayed with Zhanna throughout all the testing, from the rape kits and blood work to the MRI and CAT scan because of the beating she had sustained. She did have a mild concussion and the kit was positive for the fluids of three men. Liv convinced her to eat a half sandwich and drink some juice before she finally fell asleep from the pain meads that were pumped into her by IV. Liv promised her she would be back the next day to talk more.

She and Elliot left but not before they had a couple of arguments about what they thought had happened to Zhanna Tarasov. She was so ready to get home and fall into her own bed even if it was only for a few hours. She was really ready to get away from Elliot and their bickering. For some reason it was wearing on her nerves more than usual tonight.

Whereas, once upon a time she had enjoyed their back and forth banter, enjoyed the difference of opinion about a case, tonight, the arguing just made her weary. Made her acutely aware of the deepening chasm between them.

It used to make her think, stretch her mind to know why she believed what she did or it served to change her mind when she saw that Elliot's ideas were more plausible and hers would not quite fit. Right now, she wanted to be anywhere but standing next to Elliot Stabler.

By the time Elliot dropped Liv back at her apartment, it was nearly three in the morning. They had to be at the station by eight to brief the Captain and write up their reports on the night's events. She was so exhausted from her romp in the park and then the late night, that she fell across her bed, not even bothering to undress or get under the covers. She was asleep seconds after her head hit the pillow.

- - - - -

**Stabler Residence **

**Monday Morning, May 5**

Careful to be quiet as he could, Elliot unlocked the door and stepped into the house. It was almost 3:30 in the morning. He would only get a couple of hours of sleep before he had to be at the precinct. He took off his gun and badge and locked them away. He went to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and pulled the jug of milk out. He put it to his mouth and chugged big gulps.

"Elliot! How many times have I asked you not to drink from the jug! It's unsanitary and now you have Dickie doing it as well." Kathy's sharp voice startled him.

"Sorry...too tired to get a glass...besides, it's almost gone." He held up the jug.

"There's still a little left." She pointed out angrily. She really was not that angry about him drinking out of the jug. She was angry that he had been gone five hours. In the middle of the night. She was tired of it.

He nodded, tilted the jug to his mouth and finished it off in several loud gulps. "There. All taken care of...no unsanitary milk."

He crushed the jug between his hands and threw it across the kitchen to the recycle bin. It bounced out, making a loud, clattering noise as it skittered across the hard tile.

"If Eli wakes up..." She threatened.

"If Eli wakes up, I'll take care of him." He snapped back as he closed the refrigerator with his foot, picked up the jug and put it in the bin and headed out of the kitchen.

"Elliot...I can't do this anymore...when I was younger, I managed. But I can't raise another child with you working the hours you do."

"So...what do you want? I'm not changing jobs, Kathy." The anger immediately rose within him.

She ignored what he said. "I want you to see about getting on in Queens...its closer. And...I want you out of SVU. I am sick of the late nights and long hours." And Olivia, she thought. She leaned against the frame of the opening to the kitchen.

He laughed, humorlessly. "You want this...you want that...what about what I want, huh?"

"What _do_ you want, Elliot?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"I want to take a hot shower and go to bed, but that's not going to happen anytime soon, is it?" He growled at her.

"Why won't you transfer to Queens? To anything but SVU? Why?" She asked again for the thousandth time in their marriage.

That she had to ask even the first time, angered him. If she loved him like she kept saying she did, she would know him. Know that he lived, ate, slept and breathed SVU. That it is was in his blood. That without it, he would cease to be. There would be no Elliot Stabler. Why couldn't she this?

But, she didn't and she kept asking, begging, pleading for him to get out, to leave the cases, the victims, the perps behind. To leave Olivia. Behind. That's what this was really about. She was still jealous of Olivia. Even though he had come home, come back to her and the life he thought he had finally left behind. She was still jealous.

He laughed out loud. If she knew him, she would know that he and Olivia rarely talked anymore. Never shared anything personal. She would know Olivia was finally leaving him behind. He would not even have to tell her, she would sense it. Like Olivia sensed everything about him. If she knew him, she would be aware of what was going on with him.

"Why are you laughing? You find something about this amusing? There is nothing funny about any of this, Elliot." She snapped, her eyes like sheets of cold, dangerous ice.

He shook his head. "Kathy, how many times are we going to have this fight? I am not leaving SVU. Period. End of discussion."

It was her turn to laugh. "So, that's it? We just keep going along like we have for years? You working all the time, me raising the kids...alone? I thought when you came back, things would be different..." She trailed off, not even sure what else to say.

He snorted, the look on his face incredulous at what she just said. "Different? Why would you think things were going to be different, Kathy? We were on the verge of divorce, papers signed, living separately...we never discussed any changes...on my part or yours. You just blind sided me with being pregnant and assumed I would come home!" He bellowed.

"No one made you come home, Elliot? I thought you _wanted _to come home! You had asked to!" She was hollering now, too.

"Yea, I asked to...but then it was like I couldn't. Things were not right with us anymore...I didn't know how I felt about anything. I was confused and I was going to tell you I needed more time and then...then..." He was breathing hard, trying to regain control of himself.

"And then what? Olivia started dating Porter or somebody and made your decision easy?" She taunted, her blue eyes dancing with mockery.

Before he knew it, his hand had curled into a fist and he had put it through the wall beside Kathy. She stood with a horrified look on her face, aware that he was losing his grip on his emotions. He could not speak. His breathing was so ragged, he could barely get enough air to remain conscious much less say anything. He shook his bleeding hand, trying to ease the pain that shot through it.

He finally got enough air to form words. "This is not about Olivia..." At least not all of it, he thought.

Kathy took a deep breath. "Then what, Elliot. Tell me."

"Then before I could tell you I needed more time, you came to the precinct and told me your were pregnant and asked me to come home." He rolled his head from one side to the other, attempting to release some of the stress and tension that had built up.

"You didn't have to..." She spoke quietly.

"Didn't I? I took responsibility the first time. Did you think I would do any less this time?" He looked at her, his eyes full of question.

"You think I planned this pregnancy...don't you? You think I trapped you, just like you felt trapped the first time. How could I have not seen that?" She whispered.

He did not argue the point because it was exactly how he felt. He did think she planned this pregnancy, hoping he would come back and the baby would make everything would be okay. He just stood there looking at her.

"Answer me, Elliot. Do you really think I got pregnant the first time to get you to marry me? We were kids!" Her voice was loud again and tears were forming in her eyes. She rapidly blinked to hold them back.

He dragged his hands over his head, rubbed his neck and then pulled his hands over his head and down his face. "No...Kathy...you're right...we were kids. But we weren't kids this time. And I know I bear responsibility, too. I didn't have to sleep with you."

She slowly nodded her head. "But you think I used the first pregnancy to make you marry me instead of leaving me for college. And you think I planned this pregnancy to keep you from leaving me again, don't you?"

He could not look at her now. She would see in his eyes the truth. Yea, the first pregnancy to get him, the last one to keep him. Instead he looked at the floor. But she was aware of the truth without seeing it in his eyes.

"Then these twenty something years we've been together were nothing but lies...our whole marriage was nothing but a lie!" She stared at him so long, he began to fidget.

Finally, shook her head and went upstairs. He heard their bedroom door close and though he was not sure if he was relieved or upset at what had just happened, he _was_ aware that the dynamics of this marriage had just shifted.

- - - - -

**A/N:** _Keep those reviews coming! To coin Elliot's thoughts about SVU...I live, eat, sleep and breathe for reviews! LOL!! Thanks to all who take time to do so! " ) Bensler _


	5. Aghast

**Chapter 5 - Aghast**

**Benson Residence**

**Monday, May 5**

The alarm sounded much too early. Olivia groaned, turning to slap it into silence. Six forty-five a.m. Not even four hours of sleep. She had functioned on less, but she was stiff and sore this morning. She was getting old. Playing on a playground was for children, not forty year old women. But she would do it again in a heartbeat. With Rhett. The hot shower helped loosen her aching muscles and wake her up a bit.

As she stepped out, she smelled her brewing tea and the thought of caffeine provided the extra push to hurry and dress. She put on her make up, tousled and spiked her short hair a bit with some mousse...she had worn it like that for the wedding and gotten several compliments. She pulled on a short sleeved red low cut t-shirt type shirt that showed off the white lace trim of her white tank beneath, black slacks and boots. She finished it off with a thin, black, summer blazer.

She went to the kitchen to make her cup of tea and put a brown sugar cinnamon pop tart in the toaster oven. Leaning against the counter, as she did nearly every morning, her eyes were closed as she carefully wrapped her slender fingers around her mug and sipped the scalding tea. The vibrating of the cell phone at her waist interrupted her morning ritual.

Not bothering to look at the called I.D. she answered. "Benson."

"Benson? Olivia Benson? Just who I was hoping to speak with..." His deep voice, caused her heart to jump and her stomach to clench. The stomach thing was probably because she was hungry. Right? Uh-huh...right.

"Rhett, hey. Good morning." She tried not to sound so pleased to hear from him, but was sure she failed.

"Didn't wake you up, did I? Wanted to catch you before you got to work..." Rhett asked.

"No, I've been up...in fact, five more minutes and I would have been part of Midtown's morning traffic. I didn't know journalists got up so early..." She teased.

"Only when they have to catch a certain gorgeous lady cop in the hope of securing a lunch date...how about it...or do you have other plans?" He asked, surprisingly hesitant.

"No real plans, but we caught a case last night...got home around three a.m. and we will be in briefings, writing reports and then be back on the streets trying to find the perps. Days like this, we rarely get a lunch break per se...usually just grab something along the way...but I would love to have a rain check..." She was very disappointed that she would not be able to go to lunch with Rhett.

She was also a bit aggravated because her job had already gotten in the way of progress and it was only to have been their second 'date'. Well, that was the nature of her job and if he could not handle it, then it was best to find out early on before either of them had too much invested. Before? Was she kidding herself? One afternoon in the park and she was already totally flipped out over this guy. This had never happened to her before. Not this quick.

She was very aware of the strong feelings she already felt for him. It was probably in her best interest that she would be tied up most of the day and probably well into the evening. Something needed to slow her down and she was certain she was not going to find that control within herself to do so on her own.

"Three a.m.? That happen very often...being called out like that? Wasn't it your day off?" He sounded surprised.

"More often than I would like. It was my day off, but my partner and I were on call so that's why we had to catch the case last night."

"Do you get extra time off later...you know...once the case has been solved to make up for going out in the middle of the night?" He wanted to know.

She laughed lightly. "Not really...every now and then on a particularly tough case, Cragen, that's our Captain, will tell us to go home for a day or two, but that does not happen very often. That's police work...twenty-four/seven...and then some." She explained.

"Okay...well, what about dinner? Or is that kind of iffy, too?" He really wanted to see her.

"Sorry...I'd hate to make plans and then have to bail on you..." She wished she could say yes.

"Well...how about this...you have my number now...will you call me later...even late tonight and we can grab coffee somewhere? That is, if you want." He sounded unsure of himself, not at all like the confident former military man that she knew him to be.

"Well...how late is too late?" She would meet him anytime, anywhere. All he had to do was name the time and place.

He laughed and so did she. "Just call me when you get off and we'll make plans then...have a wonderful day, Olivia Benson."

"Have a wonderful day yourself, Rhett Chapman." She smiled and closed the phone.

- - - - -

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday, May 5**

Liv made it in to work before Elliot, barely. As the smell of Munch's thick sludge that attempted to impersonate real coffee invaded her space, she was so glad she only drank tea now and had made her own at home.

"Hey, Liv...how was the wedding?" Munch looked up as she entered the squad room. "You know they say women over forty only have a five percent chance of every marrying. But chances are greatly increased when one catches the bridal bouquet." He teased.

"John...shut up." She slapped his shoulder playfully as she passed by him to her desk. Casey must have talked to him.

Elliot came in and hearing the last of the comments, had to ask. "Who caught the bouquet?" He glanced at Liv. She had her hair fixed like she did on Saturday. Tousled, moussed, sexy. He didn't wait for an answer before heading for his desk to settle in for the morning.

"Liv caught it and she wasn't even paying attention!" Munch laughed.

"Come on, girlfriend...spill it! We heard some hot guy was checking you out, hanging all over you at the wedding...tell us about him." Fin teased her.

She rolled her eyes at them.

"Hey, Fin...maybe if we take her to the park for ice cream, she'll show us some of those line dance moves." Munch tilted back in his chair to look at Fin.

She whirled around, her mouth open, her eyes wide with shock. Good grief! How did they already know about her and Rhett. She hadn't even told Casey, so that couldn't be it. Someone must have seen them. Well, it was not like she was trying to hide it or anything. After all, they were at Central Park on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon. And these guys_ were_ detectives. Glancing over at Elliot, he had his head already in a file, but she knew he was completely aware of the teasing and bantering going on. The muscle in his jaw was jumping.

"What? You guys got a detail on me or something?" She tried to sound mad, but she really loved the teasing. Besides, she was in such a good mood, nothing could ruin it. Not even Elliot's jaw.

"Hey, just looking out for our girl." Munch winked at her.

"Yea...that boy mess with you, we'll take care of him...make sure he knows that!" Fin added.

"Stabler, Fin. Need you in here for a minute." Cragen called out.

Shaking her head, she took off her jacket and hung it on the coat rack near the lockers beside her desk. Opening her locker she, she checked her hair and lip gloss and deemed them both passable. She shut the locker and clicked the combination lock closed. Lake came up beside her to get in his locker.

"Wow...Liv...I like the hair style...really sexy." He nodded at her, his dark eyes crinkling with a smile.

"Thanks, Ches...so you don't think it is too wild?" She grinned, thinking how she was glad they had worked through their earlier issues and were now friends.

"Too wild? For a hot detective like you? No way!" He laughed, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

It was no secret that he had a bit of crush on her, he had as much as told her, and part of his initial nervousness around her was that he found her intimidating. She had been so surprised to find that she came across that way to him that she re-evaluated her demeanor.

He was the newest member of the SVU and it took Olivia a bit to warm to him. She did not really care to be partnered with him at first because he slowed progress down because of his relative inexperience. The other thing that she did not like was he kept saying 'this is the way we did it in Brooklyn', like Brooklyn SVU had some sort of magic powers. She finally had enough one day and got right in his face about it. She recalled the scene now.

"_When we have a lead like this in Brooklyn, we tell the alleged vic that..." Lake had started to suggest they go about interviewing a certain way._

_Olivia whirled around, right there in the hall of the building they were in, stepping up so that she was face to face with him. She was as tall as he with her boots and she did not hold back her tongue lashing in the least. _

"_The last time I checked, Lake, this was Manhattan, not Brooklyn! Your 'we' is now the Manhattan 1-6 SVU! We do things like the Manhattan SVU not Brooklyn! So can it! Or better still, if you have a problem with us or the way we do things, then go back to Brooklyn!" She had stormed off to go interview the victim again, leaving him behind._

_When he caught up with her, he stood quietly writing in his notepad, careful to maintain his distance and he did not dare say anything. He was even afraid breath too loud. Later when they were heading back to the precinct, trapped in the car together as Olivia drove, her mouth set in a straight line and her brows furrowed in a frown, he apologized._

"_Listen...about earlier...I'm really sorry. I...uh...I know I come across as a know it all...and well, I really don't...it's just that, well, I was trying to make a good impression on you and well...I...uh...pretty much screwed that up, didn't I?" He was almost pleading with her._

"_I know." She told him._

"_You know what?" He looked at her funny._

"_I know you don't know it all." She finally turned to him, a grin spreading across her face._

_He laughed and the tension vanished from the car as she joined him in the laughter. "Not even close." He said._

"_So...why would you try to impress me?" She looked at him. He was a good seven or eight years younger and kind of cute with his jet black hair and eyes and smile made whiter by his smooth, dark skin. He was full blooded Native American and looked the part. If she were younger, she might be interested._

"_Are you serious? Liv...I mean, Detective Benson...you are one beautiful lady! Every guy in the NYPD...uh...they...uh...never mind. You're kind of a legend, you know. I..I...just...just wanted you to think well of me...and uh...well...guess there's no...no chance of that now." He was stumbling over his words._

_She smiled to herself as he mentioned 'every guy in the NYPD'. She knew she was referred to as the calendar girl for the NYPD. She did not particularly like that. She found Lake's stuttering endearing, especially when she noticed the red flush creeping up his neck from under the collar of his white shirt._

"_A legend? Get out of here!" She laughed and waved him off._

"_Yea...Benson and Stabler...the golden haired children of the NYPD...best solve rate, how many years in a row? Best conviction rate...don't tell me you don't know about all that?" He prodded._

"_Sure, I know our record...I just never thought about it intimidating anyone...and besides, we have so many write ups in our jackets, we're better known as the red-headed step-children! At least to the brass!" She replied, her eyes steady on the road._

"_Well...your record is intimidating...not to mention the fact that I've wanted to ask you out..." The blush covered his face now._

"_Oh...uh..." She was totally caught off guard at this admission. "I'm flattered, really, I am, Lake...but..." She put her right hand on his left arm for just a second. "...well, early on I mixed dating with work...and well...it made for some uncomfortable times when it didn't work out...so...I have this rule...personal rule... I don't date colleagues. And besides, you know I'm a good bit older than you..." She smiled at him._

"_Age doesn't bother me...and you sure don't look older than me!" He grinned and winked at her._

"_Sorry, but flattery, though usually it will get you everywhere, won't work in this case." She was laughing again._

"_Got it...so, let's skip over the romantic relationship and jump right to the 'let's be friends' stage...what do you say?" He leaned in the corner of the seat as he waited for her answer._

"_Friends, it is." She smiled as she took his extended his hand._

"_Shake on it. Friends." He grinned as they shook hands._

"_By the way...will you call me 'Ches'. I hate 'Chester' and 'Lake'...well...just call me 'Ches'." He grinned._

_She nodded. "By the way, Ches...it's not Detective Benson. It's 'Liv'." She was still smiling as she pulled her hand from his._

- - - - - -

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday, May 5**

The squeak of his door alerted everyone that the Captain was coming out of his office. Following him were Elliot and Fin. "Okay...listen up...now that everyone is here, let's get this show on the road." Cragen nodded toward the a couple of desks nearby.

Elliot glanced at Olivia and raised his eyebrows in a semi-greeting. She did the same and quickly looked away, but not before looking him over. He had on all black today. She thought he looked absolutely at his best in all black. She had mentioned to him how good it looked on him one day a few years ago and after that he seemed to wear all black much more often. She noticed a bandage around his right hand and a couple of spots where blood had seeped through at the knuckles. She had seen this before and wondered what or who he had beat up.

As good as he looked, she could tell he probably got less sleep than she did. He looked tired. Haggard. Eli probably kept him up. What she did not know, was that he and Kathy had a huge fight about his job. Again. She was upset about the long, late it hours it required of him. Again. She had finally gone upstairs and he caught a couple of hours of sleep on the couch. He was not in a good mood. And he hadn't shaved. Olivia liked that rough look but Cragen would not be happy about it.

The whole squad moved to sit in front of the presentation board which was littered with pictures of Zhanna Tarasov in various poses showing her injuries from the night before. To one side of the pictures, known facts of the alleged crime were written in a neat list.

"All right, people. We know that Ms.Tarasov was intoxicated, alone and allegedly raped by three men in Washington Square Park. What else do we know?" Captain Don Cragen looked around at his detectives.

"We dumped the LUDs on her cell...she did not call 911...but she did make a call to a pre-paid cell on the island. TARU is trying to see if they can at least narrow down the tower the call connected through...from there they can narrow down the provider and hopefully find the owner of the number." John Munch leaned back in his chair, peering over his glasses at the group.

"CSU found several cigarette butts in the proximity of the crime...said they if there any good ones, they should have prints by lunchtime." Fin Tutuola was standing, with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet.

"Alleged crime..." Olivia said, shooting a look at Fin.

"_Alleged_ crime." He repeated, giving her his own look.

"And after they are through, Warner is going to get any DNA from the cigs and we'll run it and the prints through the system." Chester Lake added.

"Olivia...am I correct in my assumption you are not on board with the general consensus that a rape occurred?" Cragen asked, looking over at Olivia who was sitting on the corner of a desk, clicking an ink pen open and closed.

"Captain, there are just too many things that don't add up...for instance.." Olivia started to explain why she doubted Zhanna's story.

Elliot interrupted, offering his opinion. "Look...the rape kit had the fluids of three men...just like she said...she's got the injuries, concussion, bruises, cuts and scrapes, the fear, she's traumatized over what happened last night, I don't think the rapes are alleged...I think they are real."

"The fluids still don't mean she was raped! It just means she had sex with three men. Elliot, you were right there when she told us how dark it was...you saw how dark it was...you heard her say she couldn't really describe them and yet she suddenly remembers a capped tooth, the tattoo of a sun with a face and she named the cologne one of them was wearing...and even remembered his name?" Her voice was raised and she felt the anger rising within her.

They had argued last night at the hospital, but it seemed like he was beginning to see and even agree with her logic then. Now, however, it was almost as though he were taking the other side just to try to belittle her, to pick an argument, make her look bad in front of their colleagues.

"So...we've had other victims that remembered strange things..." Elliot leaned back in his chair, rocking. "And what about the injuries?"

"It could have been rough sex...you _know_ that Elliot." She was exasperated with him and it showed.

"I remember that case where the woman counted the number of acne scars on her rapist's face...how weird is that?" Lake offered. Everyone turned and just looked at him. He shrugged and kept his mouth shut after that.

"Think about it...she was out alone, late at night...and young women should know better than that. She's twenty-three years old and she should have more sense than to be out that late alone!" Olivia looked around at everyone and then settled her burning gaze on Elliot.

"Sounds like you are saying she was asking for it...are you blaming the victim?" Elliot scrunched his face and raised his eyebrows at her.

"Of course not...I just think she should have taken some precautions..." She tried to explain.

"Liv, she's young, she's careless...don't you remember what that was like? Oh...of course you don't...St. Olivia would never have done something foolish..." He knew he was being a smart aleck but he was aggravated with her holier than thou attitude.

Olivia was seething now. "My youthful indiscretions or lack, thereof, have nothing to do with this case, Stabler..."

Uh-oh...she is mad now, Cragen thought. Using his last name is never a good thing. Never. He needed to say or do something to regain order of this heated discussion, argument or whatever you would call it, before his detectives spiraled completely out of control and something really bad happened. Unfortunately, he was like the rest of the crew...drawn in by the fire and fury of their vicious verbal warfare.

Unable to say or do anything to switch gears and redirect the train barreling down the broken, twisted track to sheer and utter destruction, he simply watched. Intrigued. He stood by just as helpless as the others as Elliot and Olivia dragged them all into their chaotic personal hell. Yes, personal. This case ceased to be objective from the moment Olivia reiterated that the rapes were _alleged_ and for some reason that had gotten under Elliot's skin.

"I think she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, Benson." Elliot stood and walked around to where Olivia sat. "An innocent, beautiful young woman...alone."

Cragen's ears burned as he heard Elliot calling Olivia by her last name. That means he is taking his cues from her...he has ceased to think for himself. It means that all rational thought processes have closed or are closing down. It means that Elliot is on the verge of saying something he and everyone around him will live to regret. It means that any boundary, be it personal, social, moral, religious or ethical had ceased to exist in his mind and Elliot Stabler was about to commit a serious faux pas. Perhaps, a deadly serious faux pas.

"Yea, exactly...an innocent, beautiful young woman...alone...the perfect target." She reminded him, her eyes glittering with fury.

"Come on, Liv...you can't make this her fault..." He glared back, on the edge just like her.

"You're just taking up for her and are so quick to believe her story, because she reminds you of Maureen and Kathleen...doing something stupid and careless." She repeated what he had told her last night.

"My daughters are not stupid...and that's not why..." Elliot barely got a word out before she butted in on him.

"I didn't say they were...but, let's not forget she was way past legally drunk when this alleged rape, slash rapes occurred." Olivia, her voice loud, now stood so that she was toe to toe with Elliot.

Fin, Munch and Lake looked back and forth between them as the proverbial line in the sand was drawn. This was far better than any movie or television show. They could not pull their eyes away from the scene before them. Even from across the way, Cragen could see her brown eyes smoldering with the anger that was ready to burst into a full fledged fire. He knew she was breathing heavily from the rapid rise and fall of her chest and the increasingly fast clicks of the opening and closing of the ink pen in her hand was but another sign of her anger.

Elliot's anger was even more visible. The fists he was so quick to use on perps and lockers, were clenching and unclenching . His eyes were narrow slits and his face was beginning to flush red, becoming brighter with each passing minute. The tension that filled the squad room could have been sliced with a sword, it was so thick, so palpable.

"So, you _are_ blaming the victim..." He stepped closer to her, his eyes blazing with fury.

"No! I am not blaming..." She did not back down from him. With her boots, she was almost eye to eye with him and she did not blink. She was not intimidated by his strength, his power, his rage.

"Sure you are...she was drunk. She was drunk and she deserved what happened to her...she was asking for it by being drunk. You blame her for being drunk!" He yelled, his face red.

"No! I don't blame her, Elliot! I never said that!" She defended herself.

"Sure you do! You blame her for being drunk...she was asking for it! Just like your mother, when she was drunk, was asking to fall down those stairs and..." Elliot stopped mid-sentence.

The absolute horror that filled Olivia's face, was enough to make Elliot's blood run cold. That horror was followed by total confusion, raw, ragged pain, sheer agony, utter betrayal, and finally unmitigated devastation that broke across Olivia's features rolling and crashing like waves against a rocky shore.

The silence that befell the others in the SVU squad room was unrivaled by the inhabitants of any cemetery. No one dared moved. No one even thought to breathe. They were all aghast at the words that had just been unleashed. Cragen mentally kicked himself for not doing something to avert this disaster. It was, indeed, a disaster.

He had seen it coming as though he were a prophet given the gift of knowing future events. And yet, he failed to use that gift, to heed the warnings. Instead, he did nothing. He watched Elliot's face pale as the blood drained from it, literally before his eyes.

Cragen knew Elliot's mind had realized far too late that the words spewing from his mouth held destruction and annihilation. And not just of some arbitrary case theory. Elliot had just, with a few careless, or were they well thought out, words, exacted that destruction and annihilation upon his partner, his best friend, the woman he loved.

Olivia Benson had just been betrayed, in every sense of the word, by her partner of nearly nine years. The man she called her best friend and had bestowed the trust of being her next of kin for she who had no family, the man she was undeniably in love with had just, quite possibly, done what Kathy, Gitano, the computer crimes stint, Oregon, Dani Beck, a baby, the car accident and years of running away, shutting out, ignoring, pushing away and pretending, had not been able to do. Elliot Stabler and his mouth had just quite possibly destroyed the entity known in the NYPD SVU as Benson and Stabler.

- - - - -

**A/N:** _The reviews are great...and I appreciate the ones that point out problems as well. Thanks for keeping me straight! " ) Bensler_


	6. Agony

**A/N:** **SUSTENANCE_ - That which provides nourishment; something that gives support, endurance, or strength; being supplied with the necessities of life. Reviews are the sustenance of the author within me, my writer's life. Please take time to review and give me some food and drink for my weary imagination. Appreciate you guys! " ) Bensler_**

**Chapter 6 - Agony**

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday, May 5**

Olivia's eyes pooled with tears that threatened at any minute to spill over and careen down her face. She blinked rapidly, for now, successful in holding them at bay. Her mouth was opened, first in horror and then shock and then because she was trying to speak but no words came forth. At last, taking a shaky breath, she was finally able to string coherent words together and force them past her throat.

"Maybe if some beat cop had seen my mother and ticketed her, she would still be alive...she would have been held accountable for her actions..." She spat the words as he interrupted her.

"Liv...please...I never meant..." He tried so hard to get her to listen.

"I wouldn't have gotten her out of jail and off arrest like you did with Kathleen when she was caught DUI! At least, she is still alive! At least you got another chance!" Olivia's voice was shaky and her body was beginning to tremble.

Elliot just looked at her, not knowing what to do, so she continued with his dressing down.

"But I never said my mother or anyone else deserved to be a victim just because they were drunk. And I certainly never thought my mother deserved to die because of her drinking! How dare you accuse me of saying that!" She whirled and grabbed her keys from her desk and her jacket from the coat rack.

"Liv...Liv...I'm sorry...I..." He tried to explain, to apologize, but he knew the words were hollow.

"Don't! Don't you call me 'Liv'. Only my friends call me 'Liv.'" She snapped, as she walked past him.

"Olivia...please...wait...please..." He knew it was useless. He had just made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He reached out and grabbed her arm, trying to stop her. He realized everyone was looking at them, at him. But he was past caring. He had to make this up to her.

She stopped and stared at his hand on her arm and then leveled her gaze which was filled with rage and hurt, to his eyes. "Get your hand off of me. We don't touch, remember." Her voice was a low hiss, full of venom, and he hoped no one else could hear what she said to him.

Her eyes were narrowed and unflinching. For the first time ever, her heart was hardened against Elliot. He had crossed the boundary of her trust. Not even the agony reaching from the depths of his soul and reflecting in his pained blue eyes pleading with her, could begin to crack this new exterior of stone that had enshrouded her heart. Her eyes were fire and there was nothing there but the anger, betrayal and agony. Slowly, he removed his hand. Their eyes locked for just a second before she turned and walked out of the precinct.

Left in her wake, were five speechless men. They all turned to look at Elliot. The pain etched on his face was unmistakable. They knew he cared deeply for Olivia. They knew he loved her...was in love with her, though none of them had the courage to call him on it. At least not up to this point. They had no words of comfort for him. They had no idea what to say or how to go about fixing this. They did not even know if this could be fixed. Not this time.

One by one, their gaze fell away from him and they turned to their work. Cragen felt more than partially responsible for what had just taken place but he had no words of wisdom either. He went back to his office and closed his door, wondering how long it would be before Olivia knocked on his door asking for a new partner. This time, he thought, it would be permanent.

- - - - -

**Unknown City Park**

**Monday, May 5**

Olivia didn't know where she was going. She just had to get away from Elliot. If she went home, it would be a matter of time before he came looking for her. She knew he would. She had only been gone from the station fifteen minutes and he had called her cell six times. She turned it off and kept walking. She ended up sitting on a bench in the park watching some children play while their mothers chatted from a close distance.

How had they come to this? This unrelenting need to hurt the other. Nearly every time they spoke, it was with thinly veiled anger, contemptuous sarcasm or outright vicious barbs designed to dig, to wound, to hurt. She knew she held anger and resentment toward Elliot for getting Kathy pregnant, for going back to her, for turning to her just when it seemed the two of them were starting to get back on track. Just when the two of them had a chance to be together. She had been so sure he was going to ask her out or talk to her about 'them' but before he had, her world was turned upside down with two words.

Standing in the hall of the courthouse, he said 'Kathy's pregnant'. He just blurted it out, like he needed to get it off his chest. Blurted it out with no thought as to what it would do to Olivia. She felt the solid ground disappear from beneath her. He had been her solid ground. She heard her heart as it cracked and shattered like a pane of glass hit by a rock. Her rock was Elliot and he shattered her heart with his words. Suddenly, the air had been ripped from her lungs and they ached for that air. Elliot was the air she breathed. Two words, that's all it took, two words to cause her world to disintegrate.

She thought she had experienced pain before, but this pain that clawed at her innermost being at that moment, was nearly unbearable. It was a pain she knew she would carry for the rest of her life. There would be no cure for it because the only cure was now forever out of reach. She knew there would never be a chance for her and Elliot now. Without asking, she knew what he would do. But she had asked anyway.

She wondered if maybe he was angry, too? Perhaps, he had been ready to make a move on her and then was broadsided with Kathy's announcement. Maybe he was angry that he was trapped once again and in some strange way blamed her because she did not give him clear signals about her feelings before he got caught up with Kathy. She had never really thought about it from that angle. Could it be they both were mad at the other that this thing between them would never have a chance?

Well, whatever was going on or had gone on or the reasons for it, she was tired of the emotional roller coaster that had been her life for nearly three years now. She was tired of the pain, the uncertainty, of walking on eggshells. It was time to change things. But how? Where should she start to change something she had known, something that had been her life for nearly nine years?

All she knew was she could not continue to endure the hurt and pain he constantly inflicted upon her. Their relationship was but a shell of what it had once been, barely recognizable, merely a pile of ashes left behind by the fire of careless words, hurtful actions and unspoken feelings. It was time to put the remains of their partnership, their friendship to rest. Sighing, she turned her phone on and dialed a number.

"Cragen." Her captain's voice sounded weary.

"Cap'n...I've got some ideas about the case and wondered if you would get Lake to meet me." Her voice was steady which surprised her.

"Lake? That fair to Elliot?" He asked, knowing her answer without hearing it.

"Fair? That is not even a blip on my radar screen, right now. I ...I just...just can't work with him right, now...if you would rather pull me off and let him..." She sounded like she was on the verge of losing it.

"No. He brought this on himself and besides, he seems pretty sure this case is cut and dry. I'll pull him." He told her.

"Okay...thanks." She sounded a bit better now.

"I would like to know what you are going to be doing." He told her.

"For now, canvass her apartment building, talk to neighbors and friends...see if anyone at the bar remembers her or anyone with her..." She explained.

"All right...but I just sent Lake to pick up the DNA reports and to check out who made the 911 call, so I'll be sending Fin to meet you." He wondered where Elliot went. He thought she might ask about him, but wasn't surprised when she did not.

"Okay. Thanks, Captain." She was fine with Fin.

"Uh...Liv...are you okay?" His voice was gentle, full of concern.

She hesitated before answering. "No...and I don't want to talk about it."

"You know he says things before he..." He was trying to excuse Elliot's actions.

"Don't try to defend him! He knows exactly what he is doing and saying!" The anger flared in her voice as she snapped at Cragen.

"Liv...I wasn't trying to excuse what he said...it's just that...well, I know he cares about you, Olivia. That much is clear whether or not anything he says or does makes any sense right now. And I hate to see you hurt. That's all." His voice was soft and she knew he had her best interest at heart.

"I know...thanks, Don. Tell Fin to meet me at Zhanna's apartment building in twenty minutes." She closed the phone and clipped it back on her belt.

- - - - -

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday Afternoon, May 5**

Elliot had gone up to the roof. He had to think. He had to get away from everyone's stares, the looks of contempt for upsetting Olivia as well as the looks of pity for the damage he had done to their friendship. Or whatever was left between them. He had no idea what to do to make things right, only that he would do whatever he had to...beg, plead, grovel, crawl across broken glass barefooted, anything, all of it.

He came down just in time to hear Cragen telling Fin to meet Olivia at Zhanna's apartment building. Cragen glanced over him, knowing he heard the assignment. Knowing that Elliot would try to hone it on it with or without permission. Cragen turned to him.

"Stabler, I want those DD5s from last night on my desk before you go anywhere. That clear?" That would keep him busy for a couple of hours.

"Yes, Sir. But, Captain, the Tarasov case is mine and Liv's...I should be the one to..." He desperately wanted to work this case because at least then he could force her to listen to him.

"You're off the case...I've reassigned it to Fin, Olivia will be the lead." He spoke firmly, watching as Elliot processed this information.

"Captain, you can't do that! I caught the case and I should be the one to work it with Liv!" He was upset, as Cragen knew he would be.

"I can and I did. You've got this case figured out, solved and wrapped up in your mind. I need someone who is thinking out of the box about the possibilities here. Now, I want those DD5s on my desk ASAP." He started back to his office, but stopped and turned toward Elliot. "Oh, and you need to shave before you go anywhere. That's an order!" He looked him over, noting how rough and dejected he looked, knowing the shadow of his beard had nothing to do with it.

"So...you are going to let Olivia tell you what to do? I get it." His voice held angry sarcasm, as he nodded his head.

Cragen turned and came back to stand in front of Elliot. "Making Olivia the lead and putting Fin on the case, was my idea and my decision. It was made in the best interest of the case. Now, if you are questioning my command, perhaps a few days off will help you clarify your position in this unit." He stared Elliot square in the eye, daring him to challenge his authority.

Elliot stood glaring back for a long minute. At last he broke the stare, looked over at Fin and then back to Cragen. "That won't be necessary, Sir." He mumbled as he sat down at his desk and picked up a pen.

- - - - - -

**Outside the Tarasov Apartment**

**Monday, May 5**

Fin saw Olivia standing at street vendor's cart just down from Zhanna's apartment building. She was eating a hot dog with mustard, ketchup and onions, and asking the vendor what he knew about Zhanna. Fin walked up to them.

"Girl, you coulda held the onions." He waved his hand in front of his nose and smirked at her.

"Not a hot dog without onions..." She took one more bite and threw nearly half the hot dog away. "Not really hungry anyway...thought if I bought something, it might help him remember, you know."

"So...Cragen put you the case officially?" She opened a wintergreen mint and popped it into her mouth. She wanted to ask about Elliot and if he knew he had been pulled. But that would be obvious.

No matter. Fin knew the information she was fishing for and readily supplied it. "Yea...Elliot ain't happy about it either."

"Oh?" She stuck her hands in her front pockets and started walking toward the apartment building.

"He heard Cragen telling me to meet you and went off on him...telling him it his and your case and he should be the one to work it and that Cragen couldn't pull him." He repeated what Elliot said.

"What did Cragen say?" She asked, even though she could imagine.

"Told him, he could and he did and was he challenging his command. Cause if he was, he could have a few days off to think about it. And he needed to have those DD5s done ASAP." He took a mint that Olivia offered him.

She stopped walking and looked at Fin with a raised eyebrow, as if she could not believe Cragen told him all of that.

"He shut up and sat down and started working on the DD5s." He told her.

She nodded and they started walking again.

"Oh, yea...he told him to shave, too." Fin smiled at her.

She smiled and thought again of how rugged and handsome he had looked this morning. She liked it when he did not shave. Then she remembered why Fin was beside her instead of Elliot and the smile disappeared.

- - - - -

**Sasha's Bar**

**Monday Afternoon, May 5**

Olivia and Fin had spent a couple of hours talking to neighbors, friends and teachers of Zhanna Tarasov with little to no information gathered that could be construed as leads in this case. She was quiet, kept to herself. Shy, even. No job that anyone knew about. Went to school during the day and at night usually was dressed up like she had a date, but no one had ever seen a boyfriend.

Presently, they were in Sasha's, the bar where Zhanna had claimed to have drinks the night she was allegedly raped. Olivia was questioning a young woman behind the bar. Her name was Mona Petrovsky.

"So, are you telling me that Zhanna is a prostitute?" Olivia asked the heavily made up young woman who would have been beautiful without any makeup.

"No. I tell you she make money to pay for college by meeting the men." Her accent was more pronounced than Zhanna's. "Some nights, we tend bar. Some nights we meet men."

Olivia and Fin traded looks. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Okay...let me get this straight. Zhanna works here at the bar...some nights she bartends...other nights she 'meets' men." Olivia did quotation marks in the air with her fingers. "On those nights, she sits at the bar and then some slime ball hits on her, offering her a drink. She decides if she wants to be with him and if she does, tells him her prices for various sexual acts." Olivia looked at Mona for affirmation.

"Ya." Nodding her head, Mona wiped at the counter with a dirty rag.

"Sweetheart, that sounds like prostitution to me..." She leaned across the bar and gave Mona a knowing look.

Fin standing just behind her, frowned as a question crossed his mind. "How do the guys know she's putting out? She got a pimp?"

"Pimp? No...we are not prostitutes...we just..." She began but was cut off.

"We? We? You do this, too?" Liv was incredulous.

Too late, Mona realized her slipup. "The money...it is good. Better than bartending. And it will be only until we have educations. Most of us, we have no family here...we have to have enough money to live and go to school and pay our fare. It very expensive."

"Most of you? How many are there?" Fin asked, a frown deeply creasing his brow.

"Fare? What does that mean?" Liv asked, as she made notes in her notepad.

Mona was getting upset now. She looked at Fin answering him first.

"I do not know how many...Anatoly, he own other bars, too...three more, I think. Oh, please do not tell him I tell you all of this? He will...he will...be...please do not tell him." Fear suddenly filled her face.

"Anatoly?" Liv remembered that was the name that Zhanna called one of her attackers.

"It's okay...we just want to find out what happened to Zhanna. And catch the men who raped her." Fin reached out and patted her on the arm. "So, is this Anatoly dude the pimp?"

"I tell you there is no pimp!" She insisted.

"Then how do the men know about the girls that meet men?" Fin was getting aggravated now.

"Luka and Boris, they tell which girls." She told him.

"Luka and Boris? These creeps got last names?" Fin asked her.

"I know only Luka and Boris." She looked around the nearly empty bar, afraid once again.

"What did you mean to pay your 'fare'?" Liv asked her softly.

"We come from the Ukraine...for $5000 American dollars, they promise citizenship and help for a place to live and education. Some families have it to pay, but most girls, they must work it off. That is what we are doing."

"Who collects this fare?" Liv asked, totally shocked, though she knew she should not be. She had seen it all in this job.

"Anatoly, of course." Mona told them.

"Where can we find Anatoly?" Olivia drummed her fingers on the bar.

"I do not know where he lives. He come to work around five every afternoon." She whispered.

Olivia nodded at Mona and looked at Fin. He nodded at her and headed for the door.

Liv reached into her jacket and pulled out one of her cards. "If you think of anything else that will help us...give me a call." Mona took the card and Liv started to leave, but turned back. "Mona, if you just need someone to talk to...call me...anytime." She smiled and they left.

Outside the bar, the day was still bright, the sun hot. "Whatever happened to part-time jobs and taking a year or two extra to work your way through school?" Liv squinted, shaking her head.

"Yea...and it sounds like we got a prostitution for education ring going down. I get the feeling this is gonna be big, girlfriend. Big." Fin nodded, looking back at the bar.

"Me, too." She agreed.

Fin grunted. "I'd like to get my hands on that 'Toly' guy."

"Anatoly...that was the name Zhanna gave for one of the men that she claimed attacked her. Either there is another Anatoly, or she fingered her boss." Liv cocked her left eyebrow at him.

- - - - -

**Police Cruiser**

**Monday Evening, May 5**

Cragen had called them and told them to head back, give him a report on their afternoon's findings and they would be free to go for the evening. Heading back to the precinct, Fin was driving. Olivia did not want to go back to the precinct today. She simply was not up to facing Elliot right now. She preferred to pretend he did not exist. Pretend that he never said what he had. Pretend that his words did not hurt her. Pretend that he no longer had the power to hurt her.

He and Cragen were the only ones who knew how her mother died, that she was drunk, an alcoholic and Elliot blurting it out like that in front of everyone hurt terribly. More than she thought possible. She felt betrayed and wanted nothing to do with him right now. It was just after 6:00. He rarely stayed past six since the baby was born, at least trying to be home a little more. Olivia was not sure if he left early now to spend more time with Eli or in an attempt to appease Kathy about the long hours his job required. Still she did not want to take the chance of running into him.

"Fin? When we get there, can you do me a favor?" Olivia turned slightly toward him. It was awkward asking him, because she rarely talked about personal issues to anyone. Especially when it concerned Elliot.

"Anything, girl." Fin glanced over at her and then back to the road.

"Uh...I don't...uh...I can't...uh...can you make sure...Elliot's not there? I...just don't want to deal with him right now..." She was wringing her hands as she looked at him briefly, but then turned to look out the window.

Fin looked at her again and nodded. "You got it." He could not remember her ever avoiding Elliot. He paused and took a deep breath. "Elliot says things before he really thinks...and well...I know what he said hurt you."

She continued looking out the window, but nodded her head in agreement. Irritated at the huge lump that had quickly made itself at home in her throat.

"I know he didn't mean to hurt you...he would never intentionally do that to..." Fin tried to tell her.

Laughing sarcastically, she interrupted. "That's where you're wrong, Fin. These last couple of years nearly everything we have said to each other has been designed to hurt, to damage, to inflict the most pain and anguish possible. I don't know why or how it came to this, but I can not take it anymore."

She was more irritated now that tears sprung to her eyes. Managing to blink most of them back, she angrily wiped at the couple that escaped, as she continued to look out the window. She was not going to cry in front of Fin or anyone else about Elliot Stabler. She was moving on, she reminded herself. She was looking to the future. To Rhett.

"Yea...love can be a real pain in the butt, sometimes." Fin sighed, keeping his eyes on the road. He knew she was trying not to cry and would not appreciate him noticing her tears.

"What the heck does love have to with this?" She snapped, her eyes narrowed, her voice angry.

He gave her a long sideways look. "Everything, baby girl. Everything." He whispered.

- - - - -

**Steps of 16****th**** Precinct**

**Monday Evening, May 5**

Olivia stood outside the precinct and waited for Fin to call to let her know if Elliot had left. It was an unusually muggy evening for May and she felt her clothes beginning to stick to her. She could not wait to get home and shower. She called Rhett to let him know she would have the evening free. They were going to meet at Moretti's for pizza around eight. Her cell vibrated and she saw that it was Fin.

"Hey." Olivia looked around as she spoke.

"His desk is locked up, computer's off, they's no sign of him. Come on up." Fin told her.

"On my way." She flipped the phone shut and turned to head inside.

Out of the door came Elliot. She stopped halfway up the steps. Fin must have missed him in the elevators or something. There was no way to get out of this. Their eyes locked briefly before she looked away and continued up the steps past him.

"Liv..." He reached out for her and she knocked his hand away. "Please let me explain..."

"I told you...only my friends call me 'Liv'." She glared at him, opened the door and went into the building.

He threw his head back, looked up and wiped his hand across his mouth. "Olivia! Please listen to me..." He followed her inside. What could he do to get her to listen, he wondered?

"You betrayed me, Elliot. There is _nothing_ left to be said between us!" She growled at him.

He was right behind her, running to catch up to her. "Betrayed? Olivia...just give me a minute...I swear, if you don't..."

"You swear? Is that a threat of some sort? Let me make one thing clear! You are in no position to make threats, Stabler! You leave me alone!" Her voice was low and menacing.

He did not think he had heard her voice that low, that menacing since the Plummer case when he put that protective detail on her without telling her. She had told him to 'leave her alone' then, too. She was walking very quickly toward the elevator bay. As he followed closely behind, someone called out to him.

"Elliot? Elliot Stabler? Hey, man! How are you!" A man in a brown suit called out and grabbed Elliot by the arm, pumping his hand.

Elliot shook his hand, all the while trying to keep Olivia in his sight. "Good to see you, too. Look...uh...now's a bad time...I'll catch you later." He said, leaving the man just standing there.

It gave Olivia the extra minute she needed to get on the elevator. He rounded the corner and ran to the elevator just in time to watch the doors close as Olivia's icy glare shot out at him, daring him to come after her.

Pounding the closed elevator doors with his fists, he sighed, running his hands through his hair. He pinched the bridge of his nose, mentally commanding the pounding in his head, that suddenly developed, to leave. Or at least not get any worse. Briefly, he debated on following her.

But knew if he did, there would be a scene and Cragen was still there. That would not go over well at all. Cragen would take her side, if it came to that and chances were, it would. They could not fight quietly and dignified. No. Their fights were all out war, sucking everyone and everything around them into the middle of it. This time she was more than justified at any ill feelings she harbored toward him. He decided to let it go for now. If she was still this upset with him, he knew she'd had a bad day. He wouldn't make it any worse. He had done more than enough damage to their relationship for one day. He headed back out.

- - - - - -

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday Evening, May 5**

Fin was in Cragen's office when Olivia came in. Breathing unevenly, she ran her hands through her hair and kept looking behind her as she walked across the squad room. One look at her, told Fin something was wrong.

"Girl, what is it? You don't look so hot." Fin, meeting her at the door of the office, took her left arm with his right hand and whispered in her ear.

Taking a deep, shaky breath she shook her head. "Elliot. I ran into him. He was leaving as I was coming in."

"You kiddin' me? Man! I musta passed him in the elevators or he was in the restroom or something! I am so sorry, Liv. You okay? What did he do?" Fin was clearly upset about all of this.

Shaking her head, she stepped into Cragen's office. "No...I'm really not okay. He just kept trying to talk to me."

Cragen was just sitting there, twirling a pencil. He could not help but overhear the conversation. "Olivia...the two of you have to work this out...you know that..."

"Yes, Sir. I know...I just don't know if we _can_ work it out this time..." The words were quietly whispered, her eyes filled with the agony of realizing the loss of something precious.

She closed her eyes and rolled her head side to side, trying to release some of the tension. She flopped into the nearest chair and sighed. Fin took the seat next to her.

"Well...you keep me posted...you know I'll do whatever has to be done." He watched her as she looked down and played with the hem of her shirt that had come untucked. "All right, tell me about this afternoon." He leaned back, his pencil and pad ready.

When they finished informing him of what they had learned, Captain Cragen sat there tapping the end of his pencil on the pad of paper before him. Lost in thought, his brow was knit together in a deep frown.

Finally, he nodded his head and looked back and forth Olivia and Fin. "Sounds like this could be a major prostitution setup. Could get pretty rough before it's over. I want to know exactly where you are and what you are doing every step of the way. _Beforehand_. We clear on that?" He emphasized.

"We clear." Fin nodded.

"Yes, Sir. Clear." Olivia twisted her watch over and over on her wrist.

"Get out of here. Get some rest. See you in the morning." He waved them toward the door.

- - - - -


	7. Acceptance

**Chapter 7 - Acceptance**

**16****th**** Precinct Building**

**Tuesday Morning, May 6**

Olivia was thinking about last night as she bounded up the steps of the precinct building. She and Rhett had met at Moretti's for pizza. Almost immediately, he had sensed that something was off with her. He gently asked about it, but did not push her.

"Are you feeling alright?" He leaned close and whispered in her ear while they were waiting to be seated.

"Huh? Oh, I'm...I'm fine." She told him, smiling.

"Okay...you seem different tonight...quiet...something happen to upset you?" He searched her eyes and she looked away.

The hostess took them to a table in the far corner. His hand on her back, guiding her, she leaned back as she answered him.

"No...no. Everything is fine." Looking at him again, she was struck again by how comfortable she felt with him, how familiar he seemed after such a short time.

"Okay..." He held her chair and pushed it up to the table as she sat down.

He seated himself and picked up a menu. "So...what kind of pizza do you like? I think you are the veggie type...am I right?" He winked at her.

"Two days and you know my deepest, darkest secrets." She laughed, but thought how he would not want to be with her if he really knew them.

"It's been three days." He joined her laughter. "Well, would you like to get one big pizza, half and half, like we want or do you prefer to get personal pizzas? Whatever you want is fine with me." He folded the menu and laid it down.

"Half and half is fine...would you eat veggie, too? I really am not very hungry..." She told him.

"I'll eat any kind of pizza...no such thing as bad pizza!" He grinned.

They placed their order and the waiter brought their drinks. Olivia had a glass of wine, Rhett a soda. She had noticed that he never ordered an alcoholic drink and wondered about it but never asked.

Rhett watched her slip back into the fog she had been in when they met up a little while ago. He knew enough to sense something was wrong, but not enough to have any idea what. She could be tired or ill or anything.

"Olivia? Olivia?" He realized she did not ever hear him calling her.

He reached up and waved his hands in front of her. "Olivia."

"Oh...I'm sorry..." She felt herself blushing.

"Listen...if you're tired or don't feel well or something...we can get it to go and do this another time..." He was a bit worried about her.

She knew she was much too quiet this evening, analyzing what was going on between her and Elliot. She couldn't help it . She kept thinking about what had happened earlier. She knew she would ruin the evening for both of them, if she did not clear the air. For some reason she found herself wanting to tell Rhett, wanting to share her innermost thoughts and feelings. She had always been so private, protective of letting anyone know too much, get too close. She took a deep a breath and started talking.

"I...uh...I wasn't honest when I said everything was fine." She looked into his beautiful blue eyes and then down at the table, picking up a napkin.

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here for you, Olivia...but please, don't feel obligated to tell me something you would rather not share, just because I asked." He smiled slightly, letting her know he meant what he said.

"I don't...I want to tell you...I want you to understand..." She paused, looking around the restaurant and then back at him. "I've had a really rough day...my partner...Elliot...I told you we've been partners nearly nine years...and well, he's my best friend...or he was...things have been kind of...well...not like they used to be. Anyway, he knows things about me that I've never shared with anyone...things from my childhood that I don't like to talk about..." She took a shaky breath and looked at him.

Rhett was watching her with such concern, she nearly started crying. He reached over and put his hand on hers, stilling them from their chore of shredding the napkin. He gave her a small smile.

"We got into an argument over the case we caught Sunday night...he thinks the girl was raped...I'm not so sure...things just don't add up...and she was also drunk. He said I blame her for what happened because she was drunk...I don't...but during our argument he insisted I was blaming her just like I blame my mother for being drunk and...and falling down the stairs to the...the subway...and...and..." She had to stop because the lump in her throat held her words prisoner.

The pain in Rhett's eyes were all she needed to see for the tears in her eyes to slide down her face. He handed her a napkin and laid his hand on her left forearm as she wiped the tears away.

"What happened to your mother?" He asked so softly she barely heard him.

"She...she...d-d-died from the fall...she was an...alco...alcoholic, a drunk. Her life was drinking and in the end it was her death, too." She sniffled and wiped at her nose. "But I don't blame her for what happened...I blame myself...I'm the reason she drank..." She trailed off.

"Olivia...how can you think that?" He could not believe she would think that was true.

"Because...because...I'm the result of her being...being...ra...ra...raped..." She started crying again.

Rhett paused for a long moment, processing what she had just told him and deciding on how to respond. "Olivia, I didn't know your mother...but I know you were not the reason she drank. She drank to numb herself from the pain of the rape, the terror...not you, not her child. She loved you or she would not have had you...don't blame yourself, you hear me?" He spoke softly, yet firmly.

He hoped what he said made sense. He hated seeing her hurting like this. She nodded her head, but said nothing.

"And I am so sorry...about your mom. He had no right to say that to you, Olivia. Didn't he know that would hurt you? I'd like to a round or two with your partner...would that make you feel better? " He could not believe a best friend could do that to her.

She laughed through her tears. "I just might have you do that. I'll keep it in mind."

"You know, my father, when he started drinking...he became someone different...it changed our family forever...I swore I would never touch alcohol. He's why I don't drink." He held his glass of soda up to her.

So that was it. They both carried scars from their childhoods, teen years. Telling him what had happened with Elliot made her feel like a load had lifted from her shoulders. It cleared the air and gave them the freedom to talk. Really talk. They shared more about their past lives and Olivia even managed to tell him more about her mother's rape and finding Simon. Along the way, she even let him know some of the things between her and Elliot. Not everything, but enough that he got the general idea that there had once been the possibility of something more.

"As long as this partner's not any kind of competition, I'm okay with him being your best friend." He told her, half joking. "When do I get to meet him?"

"He's married and got a bunch of kids, including a six month old. I promise you, he is _no_ competition. And for now, I just want to keep you to myself." She explained. If there were a chance for her and Elliot, she would not be sitting here eating pizza with Rhett.

She was surprised that telling him about the rape and Simon was not nearly as hard as she thought it would be. There was just something about him. They talked for hours. A lot was serious, but not all. It was so easy to talk to him. She felt like she had known him forever. Now, he did know some of her deepest, darkest secrets and yet, she still felt a sense of acceptance and trust with him that lacked in all her other relationships. All except one other, that is. They laughed. She loved that he could make her laugh so much. It had been so long since she had, she nearly forgot how therapeutic laughter could be.

It made her think of the early days when she and Elliot were first partnered. They laughed a lot back then. He would tell corny jokes that he learned from his kids and sometimes they would laugh until tears were running down their faces. They would make up knock-knock jokes while on stake out. Some of them hilarious, others not making any sense, especially as the hours went by and fatigue set in, yet they still laughed at them. She missed that. She missed the people they were then. When did it change? Why?

That was the past. She found that she constantly had to remind herself that she was not going to dwell on what was or what could have been. Or should have been. She was looking to the future. As long as Rhett was in her future, she would not have much trouble at all putting the past behind. She was falling for him. Hard. Fast. Completely. Totally unlike her.

- - - - -

**Elevator, 16****th**** Precinct Building**

**Tuesday Morning, May 6**

The elevator opened, bringing her thoughts back to the present and she stepped in, smiling to herself. Leaning over she hit the 3rd floor button and the doors began to close. Just inches from sealing shut, she watched as strong fingers, very familiar fingers reached between the closing doors and pulled at them. The doors opened and in stepped a grinning Elliot. He punched the 'close door' button and stepped back to stand beside her. She took a step to the side to put more distance between them, but there was only so far to go in an elevator.

She tried not to look at him, though she could see him clearly from the corner of her eye. Why did he have to wear that blue shirt? It was one she had given him for his birthday two years ago. The blue perfectly matched his blue eyes and she loved him in it. And that cologne. He smelled so good. She fought to keep her mind anywhere but on the handsome man that she had loved for nearly nine years and was still desperately attracted to but so angry with right now that she would take immense pleasure in smacking. Anyway, he was off-limits.

"Good morning, Olivia." He turned to her and smiled, careful to use her whole name.

"Elliot..." His name, from her lips, was not a greeting, but rather a not so subtle warning.

"What? I can't even say 'good morning' to my partner?" He was acting like nothing had happened.

She rolled her eyes and said nothing.

"Come on...Olivia. We have to talk about yesterday...I didn't mean..." He started.

"NO! We don't! What part of 'I don't want to talk to you', do you not understand?" She was nearly hollering as her glared pierced him.

"Li...I mean, Olivia...please...just give me a minute..." He was trying to be careful not to call her 'Liv' but it was difficult.

"If you don't shut up right now, I am going to hit the 'emergency' call button." She threatened, still glaring angrily at him, her finger over the red button.

He breathed in sharply through his nose, staring into her big brown eyes. He knew it was not as idle threat. He knew she would do just what she said. He threw his hands up, palms facing toward her, in a gesture of surrender.

"All right...okay...fine. Have it your way." His smile was replaced with a deep frown, narrowed eyes and tight lips.

He faced forward and when the elevator opened, he walked out ahead of her, not even pretending to extend the gentlemanly courtesies that was his normal practice. Elliot Stabler was nothing, if not a gentleman.

- - - - -

**SVU Squad Room**

**Tuesday Morning, May 6**

She followed him through the squad room to their desks, amid the curious looks of their colleagues. Munch raised his eyebrows at her as she approached. She just shook her head. Pulling her chair out, she took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. Elliot was already sitting and had his computer up and was logging in. He did not look at her. In fact, he spent the next two hours making sure she knew he was doing just what she told him. He did not talk to her. At all. He did not even look her way.

Around 9:30, Cragen called her and Fin to his office. "DNA from the cigarettes matches DNA from one of the specimens of the alleged rape. We've also got two sets of prints from the cigarette butts. Run them and see if we get any hits." He handed them a folder with reports and fingerprint scans.

Fin took the DNA reports to read over. Olivia scanned the fingerprints and ran them on AFIS. While waiting, she impatiently clicked her pen open and closed. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Elliot glance her way a couple of times but paid no attention. After several minutes, he looked over again, this time with a hard glare.

"Think you can find a quieter way to do nothing?" Sarcasm dripped from his voice.

"What?" Clicking the pen was such a habit, she was not even aware she was doing it.

"The pen. Can you cut it out? It's irritating." He nodded toward the pen in her hand that she was still clicking.

She looked at the pen in her hand. "Oh...it's never bothered you before..." She told him, throwing it down on her desk. It flew across the littered surface, landing in the crevice between their adjoining desks.

"Yea...well...you know...things change." He shot back with a pointed look.

She held his eyes with her own stone cold stare, even as the irony of the words he chose in answer sent a stabbing pain through her heart. It was a line he spoke to her in what seemed another lifetime, yet had been barely a year ago. She thought back to that case that had them at each others' throat. While arguing over whether or not Miles Sennet had raped his estranged wife, Valerie, Elliot, who was separated from his wife, Kathy, had belittled Olivia's ideas about what happened in front of Casey and Cragen.

"_I'm the longest relationship you've ever had with a man. You've no idea how bad things can get when a couple goes south." Elliot barked at her._

"_And eight years in this unit tells me that I don't need to be married to know when an abusive man is escalating." She glared at him._

_Later they are at it once again._

_Olivia glared at Elliot. "So now we're putting victims on trial, good to know."_

"_Well a statement with this many red flags, no good cop would have wanted." He snapped at her._

"_Especially not one with a dying marriage and a history of violence." Olivia and Elliot are face to face at this point and then Elliot walks away._

She couldn't sleep so she went to his apartment building and texted him to meet her downstairs. She knew he wouldn't be sleeping, either. She just knew. She had brought him coffee...a peace offering of sorts. This case had them at each other in an especially vicious, cutting manner and she hated it.

Early in the morning hours, sitting on his stoop, close enough that their knees bumped, the awkwardness of their relationship hung heavy between them. Elliot told her he had signed his divorce papers that day because he did not want Kathy to ever regret him. Olivia told him it was step in the right direction.

"_So, are we okay?" She asked, unable to look at him._

"_I...just...need space...to disagree with you...so that I don't feel like...it's going to cost me our partnership." He explained, haltingly._

"_You've never been gun-shy before." She looked at him, puzzled._

"_Yeah, well, you know, things change." He cast her a sideways glance._

"_Well, like you said, you're the longest relationship that I've ever had with a man. Who else would put up with me?" She smirked and bumped his shoulder with hers._

That night, sitting on the stoop of his apartment building, in the wee hours of the morning, they had made up. But, in place of the anger was Elliot's barely concealed admission that their relationship had changed, had become more than partnership or friendship...that he cared deeply about her...and the awkwardness remained.

Yea, things change, she thought.He broke their showdown by turning back to his computer. Sighing, she propped her chin on her hand as she leaned her elbow on the desk. The flashing screen of AFIS indicating a match, brought her back to the task before her.

"Fin! Got a hit!" She called out.

Against his will, Elliot looked up and tried to see what had come up on Olivia's computer. She noticed and turned her screen away as if she were turning it for Fin to be able to see better. Elliot knew exactly what she was doing and he felt the anger begin to boil within him. This should have been his case. Cragen should not have taken him off just because he and Olivia had a disagreement.

Fin came running to her desk and stood looking over her shoulder at the computer screen.

"There's our 'Toly' creep." Fin read out loud. "Anatoly Gavlik. Where do they come up with names like that?"

Olivia laughed out loud. "You're kidding, right? Odafin Tutuola? Where the heck did that come from?"

Fin rolled his eyes. "You made your point, girl...you can quit laughing, anytime."

"Let me print this out...we need to get with Cragen." Olivia said as she moved the mouse and clicked a few times.

The printer to the right of her desk loudly came to life as it pulled paper inside and began to noisily print page after page. She got up to get the print job and as she bumped the pages together on top of the table to line them up to run them through the copier, Fin hollered.

"Another hit, Liv!" He moved the mouse, clicking it twice. "Luka Grigor Sorokin. Luka of Luka and Boris! This is great!"

"Print that out, too." She told him as she stapled the first batch of papers.

When the second job was finished printing, she made copies and stapled them together. She and Fin went into Cragen's office and shut the door.

**Captain Cragen's Office**

**Tuesday Morning, May 6**

"What do you have?" Cragen leaned back in his chair, taking the copies Olivia handed him.

"Anatoly Gavlik" Liv started to read.

"Anatoly...that's the name Zhanna said she remembered being called out, isn't it?" Cragen asked

"Yes, Sir. He owns Sasha's Bar...where she said she was drinking...born September 14, 1972 in Rivne, Ukraine. Came here in July 1990 on a student visa to Penn State. Became a citizen in September 1995. Two priors..." Olivia read, then nodded at Fin.

Fin picked up where she left off. "Newark, New Jersey December 1995, charged with facilitating prostitution and benefitting from its proceeds. Fined, two years probation. Arrested again, October 19, 2000, in Philadelphia, charged with aiding and abetting prostitution and profiting from it."

"Looks like he waited just long enough to get his five years in to become a citizen before starting his own business..." She pointed out.

"Or at least he was lucky enough not to be caught before then..." Cragen added.

"Luka Grigor Sorokin is the next suspect. He was born May 8, 1974 also in Rivne, Ukraine. Came here in October 1992 to visit his uncle in Jersey City. Applied for a student visa and started school at St. Peter's College. No arrests. Only reason he was on AFIS is when he was fingerprinted to become a citizen in April 1998."

"Think they knew each other before coming the U.S.?" Olivia asked.

"Very possible...they're close to the same age...could have gone to school together...check that out...if the town is small, then they probably did." Cragen nodded.

"Oh, yea...Sorokin's DNA proves he was one of Zhanna's rapists." Fin told him.

Olivia's head snapped toward Fin and she gave him a hard look. "No...it proves he was one of the men who had sex with Zhanna." Olivia corrected him.

"Yea...yea...forgot this is looking more like a prostitution rap. Sorry." Fin rolled up the reports in his hand and playfully hit Olivia on the arm. She smiled.

"But no DNA match for Anatoly..." Cragen looked down at the report again. "...Gavlik..."

"Nothing. And we still don't know who 'Boris' is..." Olivia told him.

Cragen rubbed his chin, deep in thought for a moment. "All right...looks like we've got some pretty good leads...what are you thoughts?"

"We need to question the people around Anatoly and Luka...that will take a good bit of time. We need to find out who Luka's uncle was he came to live with..." Olivia told the captain.

"And now that we have some last names, we need to check financial and property records to see how many more bars 'Toly' owns..." Fin added.

"You have your work cut out for you...Munch is teaching in that academy seminar through next week and Lake is on a case down at PS104. I'm going to put Elliot on the financial and property search. He can do most of that online from his desk. The two of you need to hit the streets. I want to meet with you for a full verbal report of your findings no later than nine tomorrow morning. And remember, if this case is heading where we think it is, it could get dangerous. Be careful." He cautioned them.

Cragen saw Olivia flinch when he mentioned putting Elliot on the research aspect of the case. As she and Fin left the office, he stood up and came from behind his desk as he spoke to her.

"Olivia..." He motioned for her to come back.

Fin looked at Olivia, then at the captain. "We'll just be a minute, Fin."

Fin nodded and headed back to his desk as Cragen closed the office door once again and turned to her. The Captain stared at Olivia but she avoided his eyes. Her bangs fell over her right eye and she seemed to be trying to hide from him. She was a beautiful lady and she was very special to him. He loved her like a daughter and he hated to see her upset or hurt.

"You got a problem with me getting Elliot to do the research." He asked softly while still staring at her.

She was biting her lower lip and twisting her watch over and over on her wrist, the AFIS report papers stuffed under her left arm. She finally looked up at him. "It's your call." The words were clipped and he knew she had a problem.

"I'd feel better knowing I had your acceptance of this decision. Olivia, we're short-handed with Munch out and someone has to be around to catch other calls. There is not much choice. It will take too long for you and Fin to investigate every aspect in a timely manner." He waited to see if she would respond.

She just stood there looking at the floor, twisting her watch. "He's not going to be in the field with you and you can get Fin to relayinformation from him."

"That will be fine. Can I go now?" She asked looking at him and nodding at the door.

He sighed deeply. "Go." Just as she opened the door, he spoke again. "You two have to work this out soon or I'm going to be forced to make a more permanent decision."

Without turning around, she stopped with her hand still on the doorknob, her back to him. She nodded and left his office.

- - - - -

**SVU Squad Room**

**Tuesday, May 13**

A week later, the Tarasov investigation had come to a near standstill due to an outbreak of a stomach virus the day after they got the hits on Anatoly and Luka. Fin had called in Wednesday through Friday last week, as did Elliot. Elliot was still out because the virus was making a run through his family, so he was off to take care of Kathy, Eli and the twins. Fin had actually ended up spending a day in the hospital, dehydrated. They would not give him a medical release for work until Wednesday. Lake was out Thursday and Friday, but was back Monday. Cragen had gone home sick late Friday and he was not back yet, either.

Olivia was the only one of the crew, besides Munch who was still at the seminar, that had not come down with it and she was trying to stay as far away from everyone as she could. She had even moved her computer and files into one of the interrogation rooms in self-quarantine _from_ the virus instead of because she _had_ it. Daring anyone that had been sick or around anyone sick to open the door, she made them talk to her through the intercom. She could not remember the last she had been sick or had to call in to work sick. When you're sick, you're helpless, weak, not in control. And those were three things she never wanted to be. Three things Olivia Benson was not. She hated being sick.

Cragen made it clear he did not want Olivia out in the field by herself on this case. Lake had gone with her yesterday to talk to a few neighbors of Luka Sorokin, but he was on a call now. So she ended up on the internet doing a lot of the property and financial research that Elliot was suppose to do. The morning Cragen assigned him to work on it, he did find out that Anatoly owned three more bars in New York City. Two in the Bronx and one in Brooklyn in addition to the one in Manhattan. Olivia's search found that he owned one in Jersey City and two more that he was co-owner with the Giordani Group which held the controlling interest.

The seriousness of this finding hit Olivia like a Mack truck had just run over her. The Giordani Group was a corporation owned by none other than the Solicito mob family. Long a thorn in the side of the NYPD as well as the Feds, they seemed untouchable. She sat there shaking her head. Why it never crossed her mind that the mob would be involved, she did not know. The mob, in general, not just the Solicito family, ran or at least had a hand in nearly every prostitution ring that had ever been investigated and busted by law enforcement. She wondered how Anatoly got entangled in business with them, since the Solicito family usually went to great lengths to keep it in the family.

Once they found out Anatoly owned a bar in Jersey City and was probably doing the same thing with young women there, she figured it would be a matter of time before they would have to involve the Feds. When an investigation crosses state lines, it becomes Federal. Cragen needed to be informed as soon as possible. He was suppose to be back at work tomorrow, but she decided to call him and fill him in on what she had found.

- - - - -

**A/N: **_Encouragement:_ _The act of giving support, confidence or hope; to help or stimulate the development of; approval. Hey, that sounds like just what I need! Thanks for providing it! ") Bensler_


	8. Absorbed

**Chapter 8 - Absorbed**

**SVU Squad Room**

**Friday, May 16**

Olivia was sitting at her desk, staring off into space, thinking about this past week. The rest of the week had gone slow because even though everyone was back at work by Thursday, they still were not up to par physically. Cragen told them to continue working the case from the financial and property angle and they would get back in the field on Monday. They managed to find some good leads and lay the ground work for the rest of the investigation. She was thankful for what they did find. She was also thankful that so far, knock on wood, she had not gotten sick.

This last week with Rhett had been amazing. Tomorrow would be two weeks since they met and she simply could not get over how quickly she got used to being with him. How quickly she had depended on him being there with her. How much they had been together. They had settled into alternating going to her place one night and his the next. Except for the three nights she was called out on a case. Sometimes they would eat out and then watch a movie or some television. Other times they called for take out and some nights they actually cooked. Well, Rhett cooked. Olivia did not really like cooking and was not all that good at it. There were a few dishes she had been able to master over the years...spaghetti, chili and a wonderful broccoli and chicken casserole, but it was simply something she would rather not have to do.

On the other hand, Rhett was a wonderful cook. And he loved it, so she let him have total control of her kitchen. The first night he was going to throw a meal together, he was shocked to find that the only 'spices' she had were salt and pepper. He dragged her to the corner grocer in search of every spice known to man. Thanks to him, she now had her own personal, well-stocked, alphabetized, stainless steel, spice rack that sat on the kitchen counter right beside her stove. Later in the week, she had seen an apron that she just had to buy for him. It was black and had big red lips on it with the words 'the Cook' below the lips. And she did. Kiss the cook, that is, and not just when he cooked.

She loved just being held in his arms, just sitting next to him, being with him. She loved kissing him, too. And he seemed to enjoy kissing her as well. But every time things started getting a little heated, he would back off and find some way to break the moment. Sometimes even saying it was late and he needed to get home. Just like last night.

The movie had ended and they were sitting on her couch, wrapped in each other's arms, when the fingers of his right hand began to caress her left cheek. Rhett's thumb ran lightly across her lips and Olivia leaned into him, tightening her right arm around his back as her left hand began to caress his chest, not wanting him to stop. After several minutes, he cupped her face and tilted her up toward him, as he lowered his head to hers. His soft lips met hers in a gentle kiss. As her lips yielded to his, she wrapped her left arm around his neck to pull him closer.

The kiss remained slow and tender as they held one another. His left hand running up and down her back, sent electricity shooting up her spine. She felt his hand travel up, stopping briefly as his strong fingers massaged her shoulders, and then moved on to tangle in her hair. She could not help it. She deepened the kiss. Feeling him pull back just a little she put her right hand behind his head to keep him in place. As she took control, the kisses then became more insistent, demanding. Suddenly, both of his hands were holding her face and he broke the kiss, pulling her back just enough to look deep into her eyes.

His breathing was uneven, his blue eyes searching her face, for what, she did not know. Then just as suddenly, he demanded control and she readily relinquished it, and his lips crashed into hers, nipping and biting, the tenderness and gentleness gone. His lips left hers and traveled her jaw, to her ear and then down her neck. She never knew it was possible to die of pleasure, but she thought she just might be on the way. Then he pulled back, kissed her quickly on the lips and pulled her arms from around him.

He hugged her, whispering into her ear. "Olivia...I...I...need to go. It's late...we both have early mornings..."

She was puzzled and a little hurt, but she put on a good act. "Uh...yea...it is getting late..."

He stood, pulling her up to him. He put his arm around her as he walked to the door. He hugged her tightly, holding her for a long while, kissing the top of her head. Then he was gone.

She kept telling herself they had only been together two weeks and she should be glad he was not pressuring her into a physical relationship. In truth, she was glad. It was just that she had never been with a guy that did not expect to end up in bed, sometimes even after a first date. Not that she did. She was not quite sure what to do about Rhett Chapman and his reluctance in this area. Finally, she decided to enjoy the kissing and being held and let him call the shots about anything else that happened. She was just happy to be with him. She smiled to herself.

Since she was absorbed in her own world, totally oblivious to anything or anyone around her, Elliot was watching her intently. He saw each emotion as it ran across her face. He noticed the twinkle in her eyes and how her face lit up and a little smile...really more of a smirk, would appear at the corner of her lips. A couple of times she even sighed. What he would not give to be a piece of her gray brain matter and be privy to what she was thinking about. She was still not speaking to him and he had given up trying to make amends. For now. He planned to give her several more days, maybe another week, to cool off and then he would start his begging and pleading and groveling once again. She couldn't stay mad forever. He hoped.

It was almost time to go home, when Olivia's desk phone rang. Brought back to the present by the shrill sound, Elliot was still looking at her. She glanced his way and shot him an 'eat dirt and die' look as she answered.

"Special Victims Unit, Detective Benson." She spoke clearly, with authority. Her countenance was now void of the emotions that just seconds ago graced her beautiful face.

Still tired from taking care of his family all week, Elliot hoped this was not a case. And here it is Friday afternoon. The weekend. Elliot watched as her face transformed, once again, right before his eyes. She smiled and a softness filled her eyes. He was beyond curious now.

"Oh, hey...yea...(pause)...mmmm, me too." Her head fell back and her laugh was deep and throaty.

Seductive, he thought, as he felt the flush of anger creeping up his neck and into his face. This was definitely not a case. Who the heck had called? He bet it was that Rhett jerk she met at the wedding. He didn't even know his last name and he was not about to ask. For all he knew, it could be someone else. The only thing he knew for sure was it was a man. Feeling his eyes on her, Olivia looked up and frowned at him as she stretched the cord to its limit. She rolled her chair as far from her desk as she could while tethered by the phone and turned her back to Elliot. He could barely make out a few words, but her demeanor said all he needed to hear.

"Jeans? Yea. Uh, I don't think I even own anything that looks western..." She laughed again. "Where are we going?"

"Why not? Okay, okay...seven's fine. G'bye." She said softly.

She was grinning when she pushed off of the floor and rolled back to her desk. She placed the receiver back in the cradle and ignored Elliot, even though she knew he was staring at her. He could not stand it any longer. He had to say something. Anything.

"So...you got a date or something?" He asked as nonchalantly, as he could. Which was not very.

Looking at him, she never quit smiling, but the smile did morph into somewhat of an evil smirk. "I don't think that is any of your business." She said quietly as she raised her left eyebrow at him and turned away.

- - - - -

**Stabler Residence**

**Friday, May 16**

The whole family was free for the evening and Kathy asked Elliot if they could go out to eat. Everyone except Kathleen and Maureen who lived at school, had been sick all week, and had been cooped up in the house. She thought the meal out would be good for them, not to mention, she was not up to cooking. He agreed, and they piled in the van, deciding on pizza. The kids wanted Moretti's because it was their favorite...but it would be nearly a thirty minute drive in Friday night traffic back to Manhattan.

And there was a bigger reason Elliot was not thrilled about going there. Moretti's was Liv's favorite pizza place and the two of them used to eat there a time or two every week. Now, it would just bring back memories of better times, fun times between them. After hearing her conversation at work, he knew he was already going to have trouble not thinking about her and where she was, what she was doing, where that jerk took her, what he was doing to her...okay, Stabler. Do not go there, he told himself. Do not think those thoughts. Do it and you will end up absorbed in thoughts of Olivia, Kathy will know something is off, get mad, the kids will be upset and the whole evening will be shot.

"Hey, guys...Moretti's will be at least a thirty minute drive...how about Mama Mia's?" He suggested and was quickly outvoted.

"Moretti's, it is." He sighed, turning on the bypass. Just his family and him and the ghost of Olivia and visions of a life long ago. Before everything became complicated between them, as Olivia liked to say.

- - - - -

**Benson Residence**

**Friday, May 16**

Rhett had done this to Olivia twice before. She loved it even though she put on a good act of not liking that he refused to tell her where they were going or what they would be doing. She whined and kept asking where they were going, but he refused to budge from his silence on the matter.

The first time he did this, he told her to wear her bathing suit under her clothing and to bring a light jacket. He took her out on a friend's sailboat on the Hudson River. They stopped at a seafood restaurant down the river and ate lunch. He took her to a small, sandy cove where they swam for a while and relaxed in the sun. It was a wonderful day. And she learned enough about sailing to know she would love to do it again.

The second time, just this past Tuesday, he told her dress up really fancy and formal. When he picked her up, he was decked out in a black tuxedo and she thought she had never had such as sophisticated looking man for a date. He was so very handsome. They ended up at an awards dinner that Columbia University was giving to top television and radio journalists and reporters. Rhett received the DuPont-Columbia University Silver Baton Award for one of the documentaries he worked on...'Children of War'. Olivia thought it was great, but he shrugged it off. She held the silver baton, engraved with his name, the date and the name of the documentary, thinking she was so proud of him and his passion for his work.

Tonight, it was jeans and western wear. She had no idea where he could possibly be taking her. A John Wayne movie marathon, she wondered? She ended up borrowing a tan leather vest with long beaded fringe from Casey. She figured a plain, white, button down blouse would be okay with it. She did not have cowboy boots, so pulled aside a pair of black boots that had pointed toes. She looked in the mirror and laughed. She was not sure she could pass for a cowgirl. A knock let her know Rhett was there.

She opened the door and saw Rhett with a black cowboy hat, blue plaid shirt, black leather vest, blue jeans and black cowboy boots, grinning and holding a big bag behind his back.

Still grinning, he tipped his hat at her, bowing slightly. "Howdy, Ma'am. My, but, you sure are lookin' purty, tonight." He put on his best western accent

Laughing, she grabbed him by the arm and hugged him. "Hey, Partner. Just to warn you...this cowgirl loves the cowboys!" She winked.

He grabbed her to him with one arm and kissed her. "Correction... 'cow_boy_'...singular...this cowboy don't share his cowgirl."

She pulled away, smiling. "What ya hidin' behind your back, Cowboy?" She teased.

He brought the bag around front and stepped inside her apartment. "Got you a little something for tonight." He opened the tallest box and pulled out a beautiful cowgirl hat. It was tan leather with a broad band of black lace around it and it matched the tan of her vest.

She laughed as he placed it on her head. "I love it. Wonder if Cragen would let me wear it out in the field...you know, keep the hot sun off my head."

"Sure he would...maybe we can find you a sheriff's deputy badge, too." He straightened the hat a bit. "Got one more thing...sit down." He motioned at the couch.

Opening the second box, he pulled out a gorgeous pair of stylish cowgirl boots in a soft black calfskin leather. They had a removable braided fringed harness with a silver concho and fancy stitched shafts.

"Rhett, they are gorgeous! You know, I love boots! But I've never owned a pair of cowgirl boots." She slipped them on and was surprised at how comfortable they were and how well they fit. "How did you know what size?"

"Uh...I took the liberty to check one night when you went to the bathroom and left your shoes lying by the couch...do they fit well?" He asked.

"Perfect. So, where on earth is the shindig you are taking me?" She was looking down admiring her new boots.

"You'll see." He told her.

- - - - - -

**Moretti's Italian Ristorante **

**Friday, May 16**

The pizza was just as good as Elliot remembered and was glad that the kids insisted on it because they went on and on about how much they loved the food. They were talkative, telling jokes, picking on each other. He looked around at his five children and felt his heart swell with pride. Even Eli was good, giggling and smashing the tiny pieces of pizza Kathy cut for him. He would have loved even more kids, if finances had not always been so tight. Kathy was a stay at home Mom until about six years ago when she finally got her nursing degree. She worked three days a week and that really helped out financially especially now that the two oldest were in college.

Since having Eli, she had not worked and they argued about it. Her mother had offered to keep him so Kathy could go back to work. Even though the money would be nice, Elliot wanted her home with Eli just like she had been with the other kids. Kathy had gotten used to having her own money and bit of independence. She enjoyed the social aspect of her job as well as the job itself and she wanted to go back to work. He offered to compromise, asking her stay home with Eli for the first two years and then she could go back to work. She wanted to go back sooner and unknown to Elliot, had already filled out paperwork to go back the first of August when the twins went back to school.

A lot of the time, he wondered could they even stay together until Eli was two. Things were so bad between them, he found himself withdrawing more than he ever had before the separation and that was one the main reasons Kathy left him. Because he would not talk to her. Back then he told himself he was just trying to protect her from the harsh, sickening, evil of his daily world.

Now, he realized he was really distancing himself from her even then. Just like he was doing now. Because they really had nothing in common except the kids. They had nothing to say to one another. They were just kids when they got married. They had changed, grown up and unfortunately, had grown apart instead of closer. He had realized within a month of coming home, that he should never have agreed to come back. They argued all the time about everything. It was not working. It was not going to work. He did not even want it work anymore. He was almost certain Kathy felt the same way. And besides, his feelings for Olivia threw a really big wrench into the mix.

"El? Are you there?" Kathy waved her hands in front of his face.

"Uh...yea...yea...what did you say?" He snapped back to Moretti's.

"Nothing...Kathleen has been trying to get your attention..." She told him.

Looking over at Kathleen, he smiled for his oldest child. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, what did you say?"

"I'm planning on bringing Justin to the cookout. Do you think you could manage not to interrogate him?" She gave him a pleading look.

He laughed and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Kathleen, the 4th of July is six weeks away. You won't even be with Justin by then!" The cookout was going to be at Elliot's grandparents home.

"Yes, I will! We've been together for two weeks!" She huffed, indignant at her father's response.

Two weeks...that's how long Olivia has been seeing that Rhett jerk. He wondered again where they were and what they were doing.

"Dad...will Uncle Manny be there?" Maureen asked, as she wiped the pizza sauce from Eli's hands and mouth, while Kathy cleaned off the high chair.

Elliot froze but tried to remain calm. "As far as I know, yea, he'll be there."

"How come you don't like him, Dad? He's really cool!" Dickie shoved half a piece of pizza in his mouth.

"It's not that I don't like him...we just had a disagreement about something...and it's going to take some time to work it out. That's all." He explained, glancing at Kathy.

"Hey, El...could we take the kids and park down by the river and watch the boats like we did we they were little?" Kathy's smile was hopeful.

"Sure. Why not? Come on, gang. Let's get this show on the road!" He picked up Eli and headed out of Moretti's.

- - - - -

**Duke's Saloon**

**Friday, May 16 **

'Duke's Saloon', the neon sign outside the clapboard building flashed. Olivia could not stop laughing when she realized where Rhett had brought her.

"A saloon? How fitting!" She roared with laughter.

"Hey, just wait...it will all make sense. You'll love it!" He promised.

Just as they were getting out his car, someone called out to Olivia. "Liv, hey! Wait up!"

It was Casey and at her side was Sam Joiner. They were both dressed much like Liv and Rhett. This night was going to be a trip, Olivia thought to herself.

"Hey, Casey, Sam...How come you didn't tell me you were coming with us when I borrowed this vest?" She asked.

"Cause Rhett told me he wanted to surprise you. This is going to be so much fun! I love your hat and boots!" Casey grinned.

Taking her by the hand and leading her up the steps and across a big wrap around porch and into the saloon, they could hear Tanya Tucker singing 'It's a Little Too Late' and the first thing they saw was a large dance floor filled with people line dancing. Olivia looked at Rhett, Casey and Sam and started laughing. "I think you are right, Case. This is going to be fun!"

Rhett hugged her to him. "Let's get a table and order some food first, Twinkle Toes. I heard they have great hot and spicy buffalo wings and fried chicken fingers."

Hours and several platters of wings and fingers later, Olivia's feet were sore and tired. They had danced nearly the whole time. She learned the basic steps and now knew how to chasse, grapevine, triple step, lock step, and shuffle. They danced single line dances as well as couple line dances and they had a blast.

Casey, coming from Texas, already knew all about line dancing and Sam had done it a couple of times and was pretty good, but Rhett was probably the best of all of them. He and Casey, cutting up at first, did several couple dances together and were so good, the other dancers cleared the floor and gathered around watching and clapping to their movements and asking for more. Olivia could not quit smiling...she was so proud of them. She could not take her eyes off of Rhett. She had become absorbed in everything about him. The way he danced and moved. They way he laughed and smiled. The way he talked and looked into her eyes as though he could see straight into her soul. He was very handsome in his cowboy gear. Any gear.

Handsome was great, but who he was, how he made her feel, how she trusted him, how they could talk, those were the most important things. These past two weeks with him had been simply awesome. Like nothing she had ever experienced. She could tell Casey and Sam were really getting along, too and that made her happy. It was past time for her and Casey to find someone they could share their lives with, someone special.

- - - - -

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday, May 19**

Captain Cragen looked around at his detectives. All of them. Even Munch. "Good to see everyone back...it's good to be back. That was a nasty little bug."

"Yea...I'd like to know why certain people didn't get it..." Fin remarked, looking back and forth at Olivia and Munch.

"There is a well-circulated theory that those who live right, rarely have ill fortune or ill health befall them." Munch, peered over his tinted glasses at Fin.

"Uh-huh. I guess that's why you've been divorced four times." Fin smirked.

"Exactly. If I were like the rest of you, I would still be stuck with wife number one!" Munch retorted, laughing.

"Guess Elliot ain't living right, huh? He's _still_ got wife number one!" Lake threw in and the room became silent.

Lake, still being relatively new, just did not understand the history of Elliot's marriage, the two year separation and the fact that he only went back because he got his almost ex-wife pregnant again. Elliot's face was red, his fists clenching as he stood spread eagle in that stance he took right before he knocked the crap out of someone. He glared at Lake.

Olivia was not sure it would work...it used to...long ago when she and Elliot were in total sync...when they weren't at odds, but she decided it was worth a shot to maintain peace in the squad room.

She stood, took a couple of steps toward him, put her hand on his arm, leaned close and whispered, low enough that the others could not hear. "El...he didn't mean anything by it...just let it go...please..."

He stood there as though ignoring her and she kept her hand on his arm. Finally, he took a deep breath through his nose, stretched his neck while still glaring at Lake, then barely nodded his acquiescence before he went to sit at his desk. Olivia breathed a silent breath of relief, as did the others.

"Okay, that's enough. Time to get the Tarasov investigation back on track. Been nearly two weeks. Olivia has copies of all the reports so far...that should bring everyone up to par. Elliot, I want you back on the property and financial search. I don't think much has been done on the financial side..." He turned to Olivia. "Is that right?"

"Right...I think I pretty much exhausted the property search...but it would be worth it for someone else to check it out, too." She answered, careful to avoid Elliot's eyes.

"Yes...good idea. So, Elliot go back over the property search as well." Cragen told him. "Munch, Lake...I want the two of you to go to the properties we know of and question anyone you can about what goes on at these bars."

"How many are there?" Lake asked, folding his arms across his desk and leaning forward.

"Seven, that we know of for sure." Olivia, was sitting on the edge of Lake's desk, swinging her left foot.

"Seven?" Munch, whistled low and shook his head.

Flipping pages on the report that Olivia had passed out, Fin pointed to the list of bars. "You gonna be all over place, man."

"The Bronx, Brooklyn, Manhattan and Jersey City..." Munch read out loud. "Hey! What is this?" Sitting up straight, he took the report from Fin. "Giordani Group? Wow...this could get rough."

Elliot had been staring at the floor, ticked off that he was, once again, relegated to desk duty researching via internet. At the mention of 'Giordani Group', his head snapped up, looking at Munch and then turning to Olivia. He knew she saw him look her way, but she looked down at the pencil she was turning end over end in her hand. The mob? The mob? She was going to be investigating a case that appeared to involve the mob and he would not be there to watch her back. Dread washed over him and a sickness filled his being. He thought he might toss his cookies right there in front of everyone. He could not let her do this alone.

"I know. That is precisely why no one will do anything alone on this case. If your partner can't be there, then you take care of it another time. That clear?" Captain Cragen looked questioningly at his detectives.

Once they all nodded or agreed, he spoke again. "Olivia and Fin will be talking to neighbors, friends, family and any one else our suspects, Anatoly Gavlik and Luka Sorokin, may have contact with...also, they are looking for the third suspect, Boris. Keep each other informed. We will meet again in the morning, 9:00 a.m...that will give you enough time to get with Olivia so she can present your findings. If you find something you think cannot wait, call me. You're dismissed." Cragen stuck his hands in his pockets, and as the crew dispersed, headed for the coffee table.

Once everyone had cleared the squad room, Elliot made his way to the coffee table. Cragen had just poured a cup and was adding sugar and cream.

"Captain...you gotta put me back on the case...in the field...Liv can't be out there like this dealing with the mob...I got to watch out for her. She's _my_ partner." His voice was pleading, his eyes begging.

Cragen stared at him as he continued to stir his coffee. He took a sip and held it in both hands. "Fin can watch her back just fine, Elliot."

"No...no...Captain, you don't understand. I have to be there for her...if anything were to happen to her..." Elliot swallowed hard, looking away and then back at Cragen. "I'd never be able to live with myself."

Cragen gave him a long look. "Fin's a good cop. She'll be fine. Even if she's not...it wouldn't be your fault."

"Yea...yea, it would...cause I got pulled off the case for arguing with her!" He was getting upset now.

Cragen put a hand on his shoulder. "Elliot...you were pulled because you had the case figured out, tried and closed before the investigation had really begun. I need open minds on this. Your work on the property and finances is just as important as being in the field."

"But, Captain...I need to be there for Liv..." He trailed off.

"She'll be fine with Fin. You get started on the research." Cragen turned around and walked off.

Elliot sighed, knowing the conversation was over and Cragen was not changing his mind. His stomach churned like a ship in a storm. Absorbed with thoughts of Liv being in the field without him...against the mob, he could not shake the sense of impending doom that enveloped him. Closing his tear filled eyes, he offered a silent prayer...God, please don't let anything happen to her. Please.

- - - - -

**A/N: **_Hey, everybody. Been out of town. In Atlanta with the tornadoes!! Home safe and sound and here's the next chapter. Thanks for all the encouragement. Keep it coming! " ) Bensler_


	9. Air

**Chapter 9 - Air **

**Sorokin Apartment Building**

**Wednesday, May 21**

By Wednesday, Fin and Olivia had talked to everyone they could find that knew Anatoly Gavlik and Luka Sorokin. It was becoming clear that the two were very good friends and both detectives had a feeling that they did, indeed, know each other before coming to the United States. Several people knew Boris, too, but had no last name for him, only that he was always with Luka and Anatoly. Luka's superintendent told them that Boris and Luka were roommates.

"How come no one knows that dude's last name? That might be the lead we need, you know?" Fin tore the wrapper from a Snickers' bar, offering Liv some of it, she declined. He ate it in two bites.

"What we need, is to be able to talk to St. Peter's College about Luka...maybe someone there would remember something that would help us find Boris...but it's in Jersey City." Olivia told Fin, as they stood outside the apartment building where Luka lived.

"Excuse me, detectives?" A woman's voice interrupted their discussion.

"Yes...may we help you?" Olivia turned to the gray-haired woman calling to them.

"I just got home and my husband told me the police were here talking to him..." She said, running her fingers along the crease of a folded paper she held in her hand.

"Who are you and who's your husband?" Fin asked, squinting his eyes, suspicious of her.

"Oh...I'm sorry. I'm Gladys Bachman...my husband is Carl...Carl Bachman. He's the superintendent." She smiled at Fin and then Olivia.

"Yes, Ma'am...what can we do for you?" Olivia smiled back.

"He told me you were asking about Boris and that he told you he did not know anything about him other than that he was Luka's roommate. Well, I got to thinking about it and remembered that we made him fill out a lease, too. Here it is." She held the folded paper toward them.

Olivia looked at Fin and raised her left eyebrow at him. She took the paper and opened it. Quickly scanning it, she pointed to a line about a third of the way down. 

"Fin...look. Viacheslav Borisenko. No wonder he goes by 'Boris'. What a name." She held the paper out to him.

"Yea...guess we need to get back to the house and run him through the system." Fin nodded.

- - - - -

**16th Precinct**

**Wednesday, May 21**

Elliot was coming up the hall when Fin and Olivia stepped off the elevator. He had wanted to talk to her privately ever since he found out the mob could be involved with this case, but she and Fin were either in the field or there was always someone else around. He thought this might be his opportunity.

"Hey, Liv...uh, Olivia...can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked, glancing at Fin and raising his eyebrows slightly hoping he got the hint. He was really tired of trying not to call her 'Liv'.

Fin nodded. "I'll go run Boris through the system...see what your partner wants." Fin told her and went through the double doors to the squad room. 

Before she had time to protest to either man, Fin was gone and Elliot had her by the arm pulling her into a file room. He pulled her close enough to him that he could talk quietly and no one passing by would be able to hear.

"Listen...this deal with the mob has me worried. Tell Cragen you want me back on the case and in the field...I'm your partner...I should be the one to watch your back, Olivia." He had propped his elbow on a file cabinet and leaned toward her as he talked.

"What? I didn't get you pulled...what makes you think I could get you put back on...even if I wanted to..." She told him, becoming indignant at his arrogance.

"What do you mean 'if you wanted to'?" His eyes narrowed as he tilted his head back a bit and looked down his nose at her. She absolutely hated when he did that.

"Elliot, I'm fine with Fin. He can look after me just as well as you. And we don't argue about everything, plus he has an open mind about what could be going on with this case." She cocked her left eyebrow.

"Okay...okay...you were right and I was wrong. That what you wanted to hear? Just, please, get Cragen to put me back on as your partner!" He was getting loud and she looked toward the hallway.

"That's up to the Captain." She was done. Walking past him to leave, he grabbed her arm again, stopping her.

"Olivia, please...if anything were to happen to you..." His voice was quiet again, pleading.

"You would barely even notice..." She hissed the words, her anger rapidly rising. She tried to pull away from him, but he held her tight.

The words sucked the air out of his lungs as he pulled her against him, getting right in her face. "That statement proves you don't know me like you think you do, Olivia."

"You're right. But what I do know is that for nearly a year, you have ignored me, pretended I did not exist, belittled my case theories, purposefully hurt me by your intentional insults and careless words and actions. So, please tell me why I would think it could possibly matter to you if something were to happen to me." She jerked loose from his hold and brushed past him.

Sighing, he watched her storm off. He knew he was fighting a losing battle. He just prayed Olivia was not part of the loss.

- - - - -

**SVU Squad Room**

**Wednesday, May 21**

Fin was still waiting on Viacheslav Borisenko's name to finish running through the NCIC system. NCIC is the acronym for the National Crime Information Center which is a computerized index of criminal justice information such as criminal record history information, fugitives, stolen properties, missing persons. Federal, state, local law enforcement and other criminal justice agencies can access it 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 

He was simultaneously searching Borisenko's name in New York State's AFIS since he did not have a print to run. If nothing came up, he would search the IAFIS which was the Integrated Automated Fingerprint Identification System (IAFIS), which holds all fingerprint sets collected in the US, and is managed by the FBI.

Elliot sat across the way, trying to act like he was working. He was so worried about Olivia working this case without him, he simply could not concentrate. He kept looking up at Fin and then over at Olivia who was typing, presumably, her reports of their day so far. 

"Olivia, Fin. Munch and Lake think they have found something interesting...Gavlik's father. Meet them at 'Ivan's'...it's a bar...in West Bronx..." Cragen looked at the scrap of paper in his hand. "4407 Grand Concourse."

Olivia looked at her Captain and then at Fin who was leaning back in his chair, watching the computer screen run numbers and names, changing colors as the information changed with each nano second. 

"Can we wait a few more minutes to see if there are any hits." She asked as she nodded toward Fin.

"This is urgent. Elliot can keep a check and contact you if anything comes up." He looked at Olivia and then over at Elliot. "Elliot...you hear that?"

An open folder in his hand, Elliot looked up with a disgusted look on his face. "Got it." His gaze locked with Olivia's until she picked up her cell and keys and turned away.

- - - - -

**Ivan's Bar**

**Late Wednesday Afternoon, May 21**

Fin held the door as Olivia stepped into Ivan's. Even with plenty of bright sunlight in the late afternoon, the bar was quite dark. Waiting a moment for her eyes to adjust, she looked around and could tell the room had only about eight customers, including Lake and Munch. They were leaning over steaming plates full of hot wings.

"So what you guys got, that couldn't wait?" Fin picked up a hot wing and slid into the booth next to Munch.

"These any good?" Olivia picked up a wing and held it up. "I'm starving...we didn't eat lunch, did we, Fin?" 

"I had a Snickers bar..." He teased.

Munch leaned over and whispered. "The girl at the bar, cleaning the glasses...name's Daniela Kushnir."

Olivia slowly looked that way and saw a very pretty young woman, with long dark hair. She looked to be in her mid-twenties. She had on a tight, low cut white blouse and a red vest that was left unbuttoned and a black skirt or pants. Olivia could not tell which because she was behind the bar. Fin could not see her without being obvious, so he just listened.

"Was very talkative...to Lake. I think she likes him." He waggled his eyebrows.

Olivia, picked up another wing, and she and Fin laughed when Lake began to blush. "You're just jealous cause she ignored your questions!" He said, trying to whisper but still make his point.

"How about you take the story from here, Ches." Munch nodded at Lake and leaned back.

"Anyway, when we asked if she knew Anatoly, Luka or Boris, she said she knew them all. Said Anatoly's father managed this bar...his name is Vic Gavlik and he's over at the end unloading bottles of booze." Lake tilted his head toward the end of the bar.

A white-haired man, tall and slender, reached up to put a bottle of vodka on one of the glass shelves lining the mirrored wall.

"We haven't talked to him yet...thought the two of you might want that pleasure." Munch told them. "We're going to head back the house. Good luck."

Fin looked at Olivia and shrugged. She did the same and they both got up and went over to him.

"Excuse me, sir. NYPD. I'm Detective Benson...this is my partner Detective Tutuola. We are investigating the possible rape of Zhanna Tarasov, an employee of Sasha's. Mind if we ask you a few questions?" Holding her badge out toward him. 

He turned to them, glanced at the badge and looked them up and down. "Ya...I mind. I do nothing to have police to come to my business. You leave." He turned back to the bottles, pulling another one from the box. When he stood up again, Fin was there.

"Listen, man...we can do this here or we can haul your butt to the precinct. Your choice." Fin got right up on him, staring him in the eyes.

He squinted his eyes at Fin, put the bottle on the shelf and wiped his hands on his pants. "What do you want?"

"First of all, your full name, please." Olivia asked him, as she pulled her notepad and pen from her back pocket.

"Viacheslav Gavlik. I am called 'Vic' by most people." He spelled it out, as Olivia wrote in the pad.

One glance at Fin and she knew he had the same question. "Viacheslav? That a real common name where you come from or something?" Fin asked him.

"Not very common, why?" Gavlik asked, looking at Fin with a frown.

"Know a dude that goes by Boris? His name is Viacheslav Borisenko." Fin looked at him, daring him to lie.

"Ya...he is my sister's son...Irina named him after me. Why do you know Boris?" He asked.

"So, your Boris's uncle?" Olivia was trying to put all this together.

"Ya..." He stood there looking at them looking at each other.

Olivia cocked her left eyebrow and rubbed her right eye with her right hand. "And Anatoly is your son?"

"Ya..." He started coughing and took out a handkerchief and covered his mouth.

"So, you must also know Luka Sorokin...he's friends with Anatoly and Boris." Olivia told him.

"No...he too is my sister's son...my youngest sister, Nadia." 

"These dudes are all cousins..." Fin trailed off, looking at Olivia.

"Hmmm...guess they like to keep it in the family, too." Olivia looked down at the floor, deep in thought.

Twenty-f ive minutes later, the bar was starting to get crowded and they had gotten quite a bit of information from Vic Gavlik. He had come to the U.S. in 1985 with his older brother, Vitaliy, who died in 1996. Together they worked the loading docks, construction, as garbage collectors, anything to make a dollar and finally scraped up enough money to open a bar, Ivan's. Five years later, his son, Anatoly, was able to get a student visa and because his father was already a citizen, he was allowed to stay. The Gavlik's had done well and opened two more bars. Anatoly helped manage a couple of them when he finished college. After his uncle died and his father began having health issues he began to oversee the management of all seven bars.

Olivia knew they were going to have to leave...but she had one more question. "During our investigation, property searches revealed there are seven bars in the Bronx, Brooklyn, Manhattan and Jersey City...owned by your son." She waited to see his response.

"Ya...that is correct." He seemed hesitant now. His eyes shifted around the bar and he began to fidget, running his hands through his hair. She noticed beads of sweat appear on his forehead and upper lip.

"We found that Anatoly's name is listed as the _single_ owner of five of the bars and co-owner of two more...but you are not listed as an owner at all. Why is that?"

"We had some bad things...bad times...and afer my brother died, I almost lost the business...I am not good with the money. Anatoly, he had degree of business from the college...he took over...I signed the ownership to him...he paid me much money...I do not have to work. But I die with boredom, if I do not work." He explained nervously.

"I see...so, tell me...how did the Giordani Group end up owning the controlling interest in two of your bars?"

"Giordani? I do not know this name." He insisted, but his nervous actions spoke to the contrary.

Fin was standing back a bit, just watching Gavlik. Olivia decided they had enough information for now. "Well, Mr. Gavlik...thank you for your time. Please know that we may need to speak with you again. Have a good evening." She smiled at him, noticing that he kept looking around as though searching for something. Or someone.

As they left, Fin leaned toward Olivia. "He's nervous as a cat in a room full of dogs."

"Yea...he's definitely scared of something. Or somebody." She looked around at the people, mostly men, in the bar, as they left.

- - - - - -

**Benson Residence**

**Early Friday Morning, May 23**

Thursday the investigation was basically put on hold while the entire precinct went through the annual required 'Sensitivity in the Workplace' and 'Recognizing Sexual Harassment' training sessions and the corresponding presentations and speeches by the brass. In the SVU's minds, it was simply a waste of a perfectly good day they could have been used for the Tarasov investigation.

Rhett had to work late helping with the editing process of a documentary that was using a some of the footage gathered on his last assignment, Olivia was really tired and beginning to be stressed over the case, so they agreed to take a night off from seeing each other and get some extra rest. 

The irritating sound was relentless. Heart pounding, after being rudely awakened, she slapped repeatedly at the alarm clock, pushing every button on it. It continued blaring the occurrence of an undesirable event...the end of her sleep. Seeing the time, 2:46 a.m., she realized it was not her alarm sounding, but her cell phone. By the time she reached for it, the chirping stopped and the tone sounded letting her know she had a missed call. As she flipped it open, to see who called so she could return the call, her home phone began ringing. Jumping out of the bed, she ran to the living room.

"Benson." She answered breathlessly. 

"Olivia...we've got a problem...call Fin and get down to Ivan's bar." Captain Cragen told her.

- - - - -

**Ivan's Bar**

**Early Friday Morning, May 23**

Pulling up as close to Ivan's as possible, which was half a block away, she counted four police cars, two unmarked cars and an ambulance. There was a group of people standing just outside the bar. Stepping over the yellow police tape, she flashed her badge. "Manhattan, SVU...Detective Benson." She said, scanning the scene for the problem Cragen mentioned.

Cragen, Fin and Munch were standing to one side, talking quietly. Olivia looked over at them, but headed for the EMTs who were loading a body on the gurney. As she got closer, she saw that it was a young woman. It did not happen very often on a case, but when she recognized Daniela Kushnir, her white blouse now red with blood, her throat slashed, she felt very faint and sick to her stomach. 

For some reason, the face of Lauren Cooper flashed before her eyes. The FBI agent had shot herself barely an arm's length from Olivia. Stumbling back slightly, she was both surprised and relieved when a strong hand gripped her arm, pulling her slightly to him, helping her to remain standing. Looking up, she saw Chester Lake. He had been there, too, with Cooper. With Olivia when she totally lost it. This was their first violent case since Lauren Cooper and Olivia was not as prepared as she thought she was for it.

"Liv? You okay?" Concern filled his jet black eyes.

She shook her head, quickly back and forth. "I...I...th-think...I...uh...I need s-ome air." She stuttered, each word protesting their formation.

He held her left arm, put his right arm around her back and helped her outside. Cragen saw them as they went out and he followed, motioning to Fin and Munch to stay put. There was nowhere to sit, but she knew if she continued to stand, she was most likely going to pass out. So, she leaned over and put her hands on her knees and brought her head as far down between them as she could without falling over. Chester kept a hand on her shoulder, to help steady her as well as to provide some gesture of comfort.

Dr. Melinda Warner came out of the bar and looked over at Olivia. Lake caught her eye and shook his head. She nodded back and continued on. He knew Melinda, the medical examiner, was about to come talk to Olivia. They were good friends, and usually Olivia wanted to know everything Melinda had to say. But he realized, that right now, she was not mentally up to talking about the cause of death for Daniela Kushnir and he intended to protect Olivia for as long as he could, as best he could. He had failed at that after Lauren Cooper.

Olivia's mind was swirling with an onslaught of questions and scenarios as to what had happened to this beautiful young woman. Why didn't they see this coming? If the mob is involved, then they should have known something like this was just a matter of time. Why hadn't they warned her? A young, vibrant woman had lost her life and most likely it was because she had so freely given information about Ivan's, the Gavliks and the others. 

A fresh wave of nausea washed over her. Taking several steps away from Lake, then running, she managed to hold back until she found a trash can just on the edge of the alley. As she gripped the sides of the can, hunched over, retching, she once again felt a strong hand. This time the hand was familiar because she knew it. She knew the pressure of the touch, the width of the hand, the length of the fingers, the way they massaged her shoulder and neck.

Elliot stood close to Olivia, willing his strength to become hers via his hand. She looked so small, so helpless, hanging over that trash can, emptying the contents of her stomach. And if he knew Olivia, she probably had not eaten much because when she got caught up in a case, she sometimes forgot to eat or drink unless he made her. Unless her partner noticed she skipped meals. Somehow, he doubted Fin would notice.

At that moment, she did not care that he had ignored her for nearly a year, pushed her away, said bad things about her mother in front of the whole squad. She did not care that he got Kathy pregnant and went home and has a baby son. She did not care that she was still angry at him. She did not care that she had boyfriend or that Elliot had a wife. She felt nothing but relief that he was there. Beside her. Where he should have been when Cooper killed herself. She knew he was there, now. For her. He knew she needed him. She knew she did, too. "I'm here, babe...I'm right here. You're going to be okay." He spoke softly, the low rumble of his voice and his words soothing.

When she finished, she still held over the can. She did not want Elliot to quit touching her. He was rubbing her back with one hand and with the other he had slowly massaged her arm, working his way down to her hand until he gently intertwined his fingers with hers. It was dark and she doubted anyone could really see what was going on, but she was surprised to find, that at that very moment, she did not care if anyone saw or not. She needed this. Like she needed food and water and air. She needed this to make her be okay again. She needed him to make her okay. She needed Elliot. Desperately.

Several minutes passed. She stood straighter, but still gripped the side of the trash can. The fragrance of his cologne invaded every breath she took, a welcome change. He stood close enough that she felt the heat radiating from his body, his fingers began to caress hers and she felt the electricity from his touch shoot up her arm and through her whole body. She moved her fingers against his, rubbing, squeezing, gripping. She felt faint again, this time for another reason. She seemed to loose her balance and he pulled her to him, her back against his solid chest, his strong arm around her waist, his hand splayed across her stomach, the heat from it searing her, branding her. He was only comforting her, that's all it was...at least that's what she told herself. 

"You ready to go back?" He whispered into her left ear, his breath hot.

She wasn't. But not because she was still upset. She wasn't ready to go back, because she wanted to stay here, like this with Elliot. She could stay her forever with him holding her against him. But she knew she couldn't. She shouldn't.

Nodding her head, she looked at him and tried to smile. "Yea...I'm...I'm ready."

Cragen had been about to go check on Olivia, but just as he spotted her and Lake in the crowd, she had run into the alley. Walking toward Lake, he saw someone else follow Olivia. Her partner. From the short distance, even in the dark, he thought he saw Elliot's hand reach for hers...in comfort, he told himself. Yet, he knew there had to be more to it...he knew because he knew his detectives. There had always been an undercurrent, a bond that linked Olivia and Elliot. A connection that nothing and no one would ever be able to completely sever. If he were honest, he was relieved to see them together. Olivia needed him right now. And Elliot...he had always needed her. Captain Cragen, slightly nodding his head, smiled to himself.

- - - - - 

**SVU Squad Room**

**Friday Morning, May 23**

It had been a long, tough night. Cragen walked into the squad room holding an large yellowish brown envelope. Olivia was standing by Fin's desk, both held cups of coffee in their hands. Well, Olivia's was probably tea, he reminded himself. Munch was leaning back, his elbows resting on the arms of his chair, his hands steepled, peering over the top of his glasses at Fin, as he spoke. Elliot sat on the edge of Lake's desk, bending a paper clip, as Lake rested his head on his arms folded across the surface of the desktop. His crew looked exhausted, upset and he was about to show them something that would really bother them, put fear into them. There was not an easy way to put it out there. He opened the envelope. Every one glanced up as he came closer. 

"What I am about to show you, CSU found at the crime scene. It was hanging over the side of the bar, just above Ms. Kushnir's body. A liquor bottle on top held it in place. It's a threat. A valid one, we believe. One that should be taken very seriously." The tone of his voice garnered everyone's undivided attention.

He looked from face to face. Watching as Munch sat up straight and Elliot chewed the inside of his lip, frowning. Lake lifted his head, stretched and sat at attention. Fin and Olivia exchanged glances, then Fin's eyes narrowed and Olivia cocked her left eyebrow as she sat on the corner of Fin's desk, a reflection of Elliot sitting on Lake's. All eyes were on their Captain. Slowly, he pulled out a nine by twelve inch plastic evidence bag. Within the bag was a sheet of paper, with creases showing it had once been folded into fourths. There was writing on it, but it was unreadable to the detectives from where Cragen held it up.

"It's hand-written on plain white paper...'Stop the investigation into the whore's rape or your lovely female detective Benson will be your next case. She looks like she would be a lot of fun. If you continue, she and anyone close to her, and anyone aiding in the investigation will be considered fair game.'" He read it quietly, taking a minute before he looked up at his squad.

Olivia tried not to, but when all eyes turned to her, she felt the heat crawling up her neck and face and she began to blush. Elliot took a deep breath through his nose and wiped his hand along his mouth and jaw, willing himself not to turn around and hit something, anything.

"What I would like to do, is take you off the case, Olivia..." Cragen knew he had phrased that wrong and would be interrupted.

"Captain...you are not taking me off this case! That's what these idiots want!" Olivia's blush was now the heat of anger.

"You did not let me finish, detective. I was going to say...but to be fair, I would need to take the whole squad off because, in essence, everyone has been threatened. Of course, we will proceed with the investigation and do so with the utmost caution. Again, let me stress, no one...no one, for any reason will do any work on this case alone. Violation of this order will result in a formal reprimand as well as a lengthy suspension. Is that clear?"

Once everyone said they understood, Lake asked the question that they all wanted to asked, but knowing the answer already, did not. "Captain, you said 'we' think it's a valid threat...who's the 'we'?

Cragen cleared his throat. "The brass has been informed of this investigation and we have begun preliminary discussions with the FBI...they will, most likely, be brought in before this is all said and done."

There was some murmuring, but they all knew it was unavoidable because part of the investigation needed to take place New Jersey. Elliot decided to have his say. "Captain, you're gonna need every available hand. Will you put me back in the field?"

Cragen looked at him for a long minute. He glanced at Olivia, she was looking down at the floor and would not look up. Elliot was right, he would need him back in the field.

"I've already considered doing that, but right now, there are other things to take care of...Olivia and Fin, find the girl's family to inform them. Munch, get with CSU. See if they have any prints, any evidence. Lake, Elliot. Go see Warner and get reports on DNA, autopsy, theory as to what took place before the murder. I've got some phone calls to make. Let's go, people." He watched Olivia as she spoke to Fin. 

He had a bad feeling about this case. "Olivia..." He nodded and she knew it meant he wanted to talk to her. 

She walked over to him, her thumbs hooked in the front belt loops of her pants. "Yes, Sir?" 

"This note bothers me...I don't think we are dealing with hollow threats...I think we've caught the attention of the mob...so does the FBI..." He looked at her with his big eyes full of concern.

"Captain...just let me do my job..." She started.

"And I wouldn't be doing mine, if I didn't tell you I'm extremely worried about your safety, Olivia..." He wanted to make her understand.

"Why? Because I'm a female?" She was not sure where the anger came from so suddenly. She knew Cragen was just concerned.

"No. Because you're my detective and because you're like the daughter I never had...and I care about what happens to you." He was a little miffed that she brought up gender and did not seem to realize his concern was because he cared about her.

"Don...I'm...I'm sorry. I'll be careful..." Her voice softened and she smiled a half smile.

"It's okay...I know you're cautious, Olivia...but just try to stay in cop mode, be extra aware of your surroundings, people...don't go anywhere alone if you can help it. I want you back safely every evening." He smiled and patted her shoulder.

"I will be." She turned to go with Fin, but stopped and looked back at Captain Cragen. "Don...thank you." She smiled and headed toward Fin.

Elliot had watched the whole interaction between her and the captain. He called out to her now. "Olivia, can we talk a minute?" 

She looked at Fin and he shrugged. She handed him the keys. "I'll be down in a little bit."

"Uh...could we go somewhere more private?" He asked her, motioning to one of the interrogation rooms.

She went in and he followed, closing the door behind him. He stood for just a moment, with one hand on the doorknob and the other flat on the surface a couple of feet above the knob. Taking a deep breath, he turned to face her.

She was sitting on the edge of the table, her right foot swinging like she did not have a care in the world. Her eyes followed him as he paced the room before coming to stand a few feet from her.

"I want to be your partner again. I want back in the field with you. I want to be the one to watch your back, Olivia!" The words tumbled out before he could really think of what he wanted to say.

"I told you before...that is up to Cragen." She glanced at him but then back at her swinging foot.

"So...does that mean you would not be opposed to me partnering with you again?" He asked hesitantly, eyes narrowed and suspicious.

"Maybe...maybe not..." She stopped her foot, sighed and stood up. "I don't know, Elliot. We...we fight so much...and I...I just...I'm tired of it...I can't do it anymore. If that's the only relationship we have...well...I don't want it. It's been a whole lot easier, lot less stressful working with Fin..." She wasn't sure how to finish the sentence, so she stopped and looked at him.

He winced from the words she spoke. "You mean...you don't want to be around me anymore...that it?" The hurt was plain in his eyes.

"I'm just saying it's easier, calmer with Fin...that's all." She raised her eyebrows at him.

"That's just because with him it's not complicated...Fin doesn't...doesn't...he...uh...doesn't..." He opened his mouth but nothing else would come out. He shook his head and looked away.

"Doesn't what?" Olivia asked, trying to search his face, but he would not look at her.

He walked over to her and put his right hand around her left arm almost at her shoulder. "Just be careful...please."

He went to the door and opened it, holding it for her. Passing him, she stopped in the doorway and turned to him. "Fin doesn't what, Elliot?"

He bit at his lower lip, sucking it in with his teeth. His blue eyes, dark and stormy with concern, drilled into her brown ones. As his lip slipped from the hold he had on them, he leaned closer to her and whispered. "Fin doesn't care about you, like I do."

She noticed his jaw jumped at the same time she realized she was having a difficult time taking in air as her stomach fluttered and her heart constricted with emotion. She was frozen in her place. Elliot looked at her a minute and when she did not move, he walked out leaving her standing there, thinking about what he had just said. Just standing there. Alone.

- - - - -

**A/N: **_Been a busy three or four days. Finally, got this chapter worked out. Hope you like it! Keep me posted on how I am doing! You guys are the AIR I breathe! LOL. Thanks for all the reviews! " ) Bensler_


	10. Absolve

**Chapter 10 - Absolve**

**Benson Residence**

**Friday Evening, May 23**

Calling Rhett, they agreed to meet for a late dinner at 8:00. That would give her time to get home, shower, change and meet him at the restaurant. She was still tired from the little sleep she had gotten last night and the day had been long and hard, but the shower invigorated her somewhat. 

Olivia and Fin had found Daniela Kushnir's mother, sister and brother. They were heartbroken at the news. Olivia thought that after nearly nine years of telling families the worst news anyone could ever hear, that this was among the worst things she had to do in her job. The wail of sorrow from a mother's soul had to be the saddest, most heart wrenching sound upon the face of the earth.

Munch and Elliot had put together a flowchart of some of the financial records, showing how they think the money was laundered, seeming to come from a much more respectable source. They would begin working that angle intensively Monday when the banks opened. Olivia and Fin were to question Zhanna Tarasov and Mona Petrovsky again. Lake would be tying up some loose ends on a case that came up late in this afternoon. But Cragen had insisted every one take off Saturday and get some rest.

Even after the events of last night, Elliot being there for her and what he told her this morning, she was still giving him the cold shoulder. Yes, she was glad he had been there for her, but that did not wipe away the pain of his betrayal over what he said about her mother. She still was not sure how she was going to deal with him about that and for now not speaking to him seemed to work fine. She did not have to deal with it. And it _was_ much easier to work with Fin.

She was meeting Rhett at a diner that he remembered liking as a kid, so the dress was very casual. She chose some dark jeans and a cream colored long sleeved cotton blouse that had sheer sleeves. It would be cool enough for the warm evening. She pulled out a pair of light tan sandals to go with her outfit. She brushed her teeth, put on her lip gloss, sprayed a bit of perfume, did her hair again and headed for the door. Opening it, she was astonished to see Elliot standing there, his hand in mid-air about to knock.

"You got a minute." He asked, looking her over, realizing she was about to leave. She was so pretty. He did not remember having seen that blouse before. He was mildly irritated that she apparently had a date.

"Actually, no. I have plans." Her words were short. She did not move from the doorway.

"Going out alone? You shouldn't be out alone!" He warned, upset.

"I'm catching a cab and meeting someone, Elliot. I won't be alone. I promise." She told him.

"Okay...okay...I won't take long...look, it's been nearly three weeks...we can't..._I_ can't keep going on with this hanging over my head...especially not now...not with this threat against you...the squad...I'm sorry about what I said about your mother, Liv...uh...Olivia. I never meant for it to come out like that...I know you don't blame her for what happened...I never meant for it to sound like I did and I never meant to hurt you...you gotta believe that. Please, Li...Olivia. Please. Tell me what to do to make this right...I can't...I can't just leave things like this between us." His voice was quiet, pleading.

He was begging her and his eyes clearly showed he was in agony, just like she had been. Was. Before all was said and done, he would drive her insane . This man. "I don't know what to say, Elliot. You really hurt me. I feel like you betrayed my trust...you and Cragen were the only ones that knew she was drunk...I just don't know how I feel about this...about you right now." Unable to hold his gaze, she played with her keys.

"Please, Olivia...there has to be something I can do so that you will absolve of my sin! Please!" He held his hands out in front of him, palms up, as though begging. He was. He would do anything to get her forgiveness. At this point, he did not care how pathetic he might look or sound, either.

"Absolve?" She snorted. "I'm not a priest, Elliot...I'm not even Catholic!" She smirked, trying to lighten things. It did not work. He was clearly upset by her continued holding of this grudge.

He sighed deeply, running his hands over his face. She took a quick glance at him. He was so handsome. So...so Elliot. He was biting the inside of his cheek like he always did when he was upset or hurt or nervous. She knew he was definitely upset and hurt and very likely nervous, too.

"You _know_ I can be a real jerk sometimes...you know that better than anyone. Please...just, please, let us be okay." His voice had become soft and quiet. He looked so sad, so dejected. She wanted to hug him and tell him it _would _be okay. _They _would be okay.

"That's the first thing you've said in months that we can agree on." She could not help herself, she felt a tiny smile tugging at her lips.

"Well, that's a start...so are we gonna be okay?" He asked cautiously, hoping she would say yes, grinning just slightly to match her smile.

"I don't know...we'll have to see." She looked at him and then her watch.

"Oh, yea...you gotta be somewhere...can I walk you out?" He jammed his hands in his back jean pockets and looked at the floor.

"We have to go out the same way..." She shrugged and shifted her purse on her shoulder.

When they reached the front of the building, she hailed a cab. "I can drop you off..I'm parked just down the block..." He told her.

Her head snapped toward him and she rolled her eyes. "Yea...not a good idea, huh? Listen...even if you can't forgive me...please know that I _am_ sorry." He sighed. "Well, I'll see you later, Olivia." 

Her cab pulled up to the curb, he opened the door and held it for her. As she started to get in, he turned and began walking down the street. "Yea...see you later." She said to him.

Standing by the cab holding the back door open, she watched him. His shoulders drooped and his walk lacked its normal confidence and bounce, his normal swagger. The sight tugged at her heartstrings. He tugged at her heartstrings. What was she going to do with him?

"Hey, El!" She called out. He stopped and turned. "We'll be okay...okay?" 

Grinning, he gave her the thumbs up sign. "Thank you for that, Olivia!" He stood there looking at her for a long minute before he turned back and started walking again.

"Hey, El!" She called out again and he stopped and turned again. "My friends call me 'Liv'!" 

He grinned the Stabler smile and she felt her heart melt. "Goodnight, Liv!"

"Goodnight, El." Smiling, she whispered into the night.

- - - - -

**Stabler Residence**

**Friday Night, May 23**

Kathy waited until Elliot arrived home to eat dinner with him. She could not help but notice that he seemed to be in his own world. Of course, there was really nothing unusual about that, especially not lately. Months after he came home, it seemed as though he had given up even pretending to try to have a normal relationship with her. And in the last several weeks, he seemed even more withdrawn. She knew better than to question him and certainly not to press him, but at times she did just that.

"Honey...are you okay? You were awfully quiet during dinner." She cut two pieces from the red velvet cake she and Lizzie had made earlier in the afternoon.Putting them on small dessert plates, she set them on the kitchen table. Going back to the counter, she took down two mugs and poured coffee into them.

He was watching her, but her actions did not really register in his mind. He heard her talking, but he didn't process the words. The only thing he could think of was that Olivia had called him 'El' and said they _would_ be okay and had given him permission to call her 'Liv' again. A smile teased at the corner of his mouth, growing into a full-fledged Stabler grin as he let out a short breath of air through his nose.

Kathy smiled slightly. "Elliot? What's so funny? Elliot...?"

The smile became a frown as his eyes focused on his wife's. He knew she must have spoken to him but he was sure he had no idea what she said. Holding two forks in her hand, she was looking at him like he was crazy. 

"What?" He asked, realizing she expected him to say something.

"Why would you say that?" She stared at him, her eyes full of confusion.

Now, his eyes mirrored the confusion in hers. Say what, he wondered? He did not remember saying anything to Kathy. He couldn't have, because he was no idea what she had said to him. Not even a clue. 

"What did I say?" His blue eyes caught hers.

Kathy tilted her head to the right, her eyes squinting, as she searched his face, trying to see if he was serious. Did he really not know what he said, she thought to herself? Slowly, she repeated what he just said moments ago.

"You said, 'goodnight, Liv'. Why? Why would you say that, Elliot?" Though her voice sounded calm, she was anything but.

What? He said that out loud? He tried to remember saying it. He couldn't. This was bad. On many levels. Bad that he could not remember saying it. Bad that he would say it at all. Bad that Kathy had heard it. Very bad. He knew she was fighting for control of her emotions. He knew the anger was there, just below the surface. Building. Waiting. For release. Upon him. Aware that whatever he said next would be the wrong thing, he tried to think of how to stall for time. Maybe, with enough time, something profound would form in his mind. Then he would share it with Kathy, she would understand and they could avoid what he was sure was going to be one heck of a fight.

"Elliot...answer me." Kathy laid the forks on the table by the plates of cake.

He sat there wishing she would just sit down so they could eat their cake, drink their coffee and just talk. Did they ever used to talk? He honestly could not remember. They had been so young when they got married and Maureen came along barely seven months later. It seemed the only conversations he could remember with her revolved around babies, kids, doctor bills, car repairs, house payments, school scuffles, discipline of one of the kids, etc. 

Had they ever talked about anything other than these things? He had no memory of it if they had. He and Liv talked. Or they used to. About everything. Anything, nothing. In the nine years they had been partners, he knew about more about her than he did about Kathy in nearly twenty five years. How sad was that, he thought. He considered Olivia his best friend, shouldn't his wife be his best friend? Kathy thought so. But how do you force something that just is not there? How?

"I...I...don't know what to say, Kath." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Are you sleeping with her?" She asked quietly, her eyes burning a hole through him.

"No! How many times do I have to tell you, there is nothing going on like that with me and Olivia! Nothing!" He slammed his fist down on the table and bellowed, his face red, the vein in his neck bulging.

"Well...why else would you say something like that right here in the middle of our kitchen unless you were seeing her?" She snapped back angrily. She had a legitimate question, he knew. 

"I don't know!" He hollered back because he really did not know.

"You were obviously thinking about her, because you sure weren't paying any attention to me or what I said." She could holler, too, and she did.

He did not know what to say, how to explain what he said. He figured he might as well be truthful. It certainly was not going to make things any worse. He stood up from the table, ran his hands over his head and let out a deep breath.

"Liv and I...we haven't been getting along very well the last couple of months...actually close to a year...I don't know..." Years, actually, he thought to himself. "I disagreed with her theory on the case we're on now...and she got really mad at me..."

"It's not the first time you disagreed with her. So why would that cause trouble between the two of you?" Kathy was perplexed.

The trouble is I'm in love with my partner. It started years ago, Kath. Exactly when, I'm not sure. In some ways it seemed sudden...in others it seems like it was always there, from the first day. I was terrified she would be hurt or worse when Eric Plummer and then Richard White stalked her. I realized how much she meant to me; I chose her safety over the life of a little boy during the Gitano case.

I was only a little jealous when she slept with Brian Cassidy but then I started getting upset when she had an occasional date and then insanely jealous over Dean Porter. I thought I would die when she asked for another partner and went to computer crimes. And when she went undercover and I could not see or talk to her or know if she was okay, I nearly lost it. I just don't know, Kathy. I don't know when my feelings for her changed from partner and friend to head over heels in love. I'm sorry. I tried not to but I did anyway. If he had the guts, this is what he should tell his wife. But he was a coward, so he didn't.

"Because...I...uh...I said things about her mother...in front of the squad...things that were private. She wouldn't speak to me for weeks and then last night...last night...we got it straightened out. I was thinking about that...the last thing I said to her was 'goodnight, Liv'." 

He looked down at Kathy. She was poking the piece of cake with a fork, not eating it. She did not look up at him. "So, it bothered you so bad that she wouldn't speak to you that when she finally did you can't quit thinking about it?"

"Look, Kathy...I don't know how to explain it...she's my partner, my best friend, we've been at odds for a long time now...heck, she even told me not to call her 'Liv' anymore because only her friends called her that...then last night when I told her goodbye and called her 'Olivia' she told me her friends call her 'Liv'. That's how I knew things were okay between us...I guess...no, I _am_ relieved that we're okay again. That's all it was, Kathy." He told his wife, knowing deep in his heart, that was not all it was. 

"Where were you?" Kathy took a sip of her coffee.

"What?" He knew what she wanted to know.

"It's not a hard question, Elliot. Where were you? At work, out in the field...at her place? Where?" She demanded 

He hesitated before answering. "At her place...I...I went by after work to try to patch things up." 

Kathy was smashing the cake with her fork, mixing the icing and cake together. She continued this for a long minute. She put the fork down on the plate, stood up and put her right hand to her neck, rubbing it. Finally, she looked at Elliot and nodded.

"We're at odds, too, Elliot. If you put half as much effort into our marriage, or finding out how I feel as you do into worrying about Olivia being upset with you and not speaking to you, just maybe things would be okay between us, too." Her eyes held his and he saw the hurt as well as the resignation that filled them.

She picked up her plate and mug and took them to the sink. Putting the uneaten cake down the disposal, she rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher. Walking back past Elliot to leave the kitchen, she stopped and looked at him. He stared back at her. Her smile was weak as she shook her head slightly and brushed past him. 

Reaching out, he took her arm. "Kathy..."

"Elliot..." She sighed heavily. "Don't." Pulling away from him, she headed up the stairs.

- - - - -

**Jolene's Diner**

**Friday, May 23**

Putting the menus back in place, Rhett looked at Olivia. He could look at her all night. Just sit and look. "What?" She asked, becoming a little uncomfortable with his gaze. 

Not realizing what he was doing, her question caught him off guard. "Oh...sorry...it's just that you absolutely capture me with your breathtaking beauty. I could stare at you all night!" 

Reaching across the table, she popped his arm, as she rolled her eyes at him. "Get out of here! You're crazy!" He could see the blush sliding up her neck to her face.

That was one of the most attractive things about Olivia Benson. She did not realized that her beauty was such that it caught nearly everyone's eye. She was, by anyone's standards, a natural beauty, with or without makeup, evening gown or jeans and t-shirt. Exotic, from her flawless olive skin, her big, expressive brown eyes, her wide, white smile, thick chestnut colored hair to her shapely body, she was gorgeous.

"Crazy about you!" He laughed and winked at the waitress who had just come to the table.

"Hi, I'm Amy. Are you ready to order or do you need a couple of minutes?" Amy was young, thin, blond, chewing gum and she kept looking at Rhett and smiling. Olivia found it amusing.

"Two cheeseburgers, two orders of chili cheese fries and two shakes, one chocolate and one strawberry." Rhett smiled at Amy and winked again. She blushed, smiled , winked and pulled their order from the pad.

As soon as she was gone, Olivia, grinning, leaned across the table. "Flirting right here in front of me?" She teased him.

"What can I say? I just bring out the animal in women!" He laughed.

"I was talking about _you_ flirting, not _Amy_!" She corrected him, winking several times in a row. 

"I was just being friendly so we'll get good service." He smiled, defending himself.

"Oh...I can just imagine the service she would like to give you." She wiggled her eyebrows up and down at him. 

"You think?" He asked innocently, looking around for Amy like he was interested. 

"I don't think...I know. But she has to get past me first...and I have badge!" She pointed her index finger at herself and nodded at him.

"And a gun." Rhett reminded her.

"When I get finished with her, a gun won't be necessary." She smiled sweetly. They both laughed.

"Did you make much progress on the film last night?" Olivia wiped at some left over crumbs with a napkin.

"Actually, we now have about three-fourths of the it put together. It went a lot smoother than these things normally do. We should have it completed within the next couple of weeks." He leaned back and stretched his arms over the back of the seat. "How about your new case? Or can you talk about it?" He asked.

"I can talk about it...just not the details. Technically, it's part of the Tarasov case. We know it's connected, we just have to find out how and why. It was a long, rough night and today has been pretty much the same." Bringing her hand up, she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

"I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you." His voice was soft.

She smiled and looked up. "You already have...just by being with me."

Their meal came. Amy continued to flirt with Rhett. As they were leaving, she came over to them and told them to come back soon, but she kept her eyes on Rhett. He leaned over and motioned for her to come closer. 

"You are a very pretty young lady, but...my mother..." He glanced sideways at Olivia and watched as Amy looked over at her, too. "...she thinks you are too young for me. And you should always listen to your mom!" He winked again, took Olivia by the arm and they left. 

Outside the diner, Olivia howled with laughter at what he had done! "Mother? Mother? You tried to pass me off as your mother! I can't believe you did that to me! To her! Poor thing! She'll probably cry herself to sleep!"

"Hey, I left her a big enough tip she won't care what I said to her. But I bet she'll think twice about flirting in front of anyone's date again!" He laughed.

"Okay...I guess you absolved yourself with the tip." She agreed, taking his hand. "There's a cab." She pointed to their right.

"It's not that far to your place. How about we walk back? It's a nice night and we can talk." He suggested, as he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

She was thinking about Elliot and Cragen and the mob and that she said she would be extra cautious during this investigation. "Ummm...you know, I am really tired...I'd rather take a cab, if you don't mind..."

Rhett thought he sensed something about the way she responded that was not quite truthful. Looking deep into her eyes, he let it slide. "I don't mind at all." He raised his hand up and motioned for the cab.

- - - - -

On the way up to her apartment, a couple of young boys ran out of an apartment, slamming the door. The sound startled Olivia and it was clear she was shaken by it. Rhett put his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her, puzzled by her reaction as well as concerned. Something was not right. It was unlike Olivia to be skittish, jumpy over anything, especially something as everyday as a couple of kids and a slamming door. She was definitely on edge, the question was why.

Once inside, she turned to him. "Want some coffee?"

"I can always go for a cup of joe." He grinned. 

They went into the kitchen and Rhett took the pot, filled it with water and poured it into the reservoir of the machine. He then put water in the tea kettle and set it on the stove to brew. Olivia pulled two mugs from the cabinet and set them on the counter near the pot. She put a filter in place and opened the coffee canister. As she started to scoop the coffee into the filter, Rhett noticed her hand was shaking. As she dumped the second scoop, he put his hand over hers, took the scoop from her and brought her hand up between them, closing his around hers. He closed the compartment and turned the pot on.

His eyes were filled with concern as he looked into hers. "You're shaking...what's going on, Olivia?" 

Breaking the gaze, she tried to pull away. "Nothing." He held her tight.

"Olivia...we've been together nearly every day for the past three weeks. I know you well enough to know something's not right. I knew it when you insisted on getting a cab. I know I'm right, so, let's hear it." The look he gave her was tender, not angry or demanding.

"Okay...okay. You're right." He loosened his grip and she pulled away, turning from him. Running her hands through her hair, she whirled to face him again.

He leaned against the counter, near the stove, waiting for her explanation. Wringing her hands, she opened her mouth but nothing came out. She put her hand to her mouth and shook her head.

"Olivia...whatever it is, I'm here...and I'm not going anywhere. We'll face it together." He hoped he was conveying how strongly he felt.

"You can't say that...you don't...you don't understand..." She hated what she had to tell him because it affected him and how he lived his life. And she was afraid he would want nothing more to do with her. This would be the part where her job ruined their relationship.

"I _can _say that. Tell me." He said quietly.

"The case I'm working...you know, I'm the lead detective...we have evidence that the owner of the bar where the victim works has connections to the mob and the situation appears to have crossed state lines...meaning the Feds will be brought in and possibly take over the investigation." She explained.

"The mob? Feds? Sounds serious...but that's not what has you upset, is it?" He did know her well, she thought, looking into his intense blue eyes.

Shaking her head, shifted her weight to the other leg. "We received a threat...Cragen's out of sorts about it...and to tell you the truth, so am I. But only because it didn't just threaten those working the case...it threatened anyone close to us, as well." She felt sick just telling him about it.

He stepped closer, he pulled her into a hug. "We'll be okay. And not even the mob can't make me quit being with you. They'd have to break every bone in my body, tie concrete blocks to me and throw me in the Hudson, to keep me away from you." He teased.

"Rhett! Don't say things like that! This is serious! And I have seen just that happen!" She was upset at how lightly he seemed to take the threat.

"Sorry...I know it's serious...I just hate seeing you so upset." He kissed the top of her head.

"I've been threatened before, even stalked a couple of times...but it's different this time. This time it involves someone who could be hurt because of my relationship with them. Someone I care about." Tears were welling in her eyes and she blinked to keep them from falling.

"You care about me? How much do you care about me, Olivia?" He smiled lazily at her.

Pulling back from him, her gaze traveled his face. "Enough that I think it's time for you to call me 'Liv'!" She kissed him quickly on the lips and turned away.

"Anything you say, Liv!" His eyes were bright with happiness.

He grabbed her and pulled her back, capturing her lips with his, kissing her slowly and tenderly. She melted at his touch and wrapped her arms around his back, erasing any space between them. Just as the kiss was becoming heated, the whistling of the kettle startled them, causing them to break away.

Olivia turned the stove off and took the kettle from the eye. Pouring a cup of the steaming water into a cup, she opened a tea bag and dropped it in. Rhett made his coffee and they took their drinks to the living room.

Sitting side by side on the couch, Rhett put his arm around her. "How was the threat made? Can you tell me?"

"A note left at the crime scene." She sipped her tea, holding it with both hands.

"What did it say?" He was staring off into the room.

"I told you...it was a threat." That she was evading the question, did not escape his notice.

"Did it say what they would do or name anyone specifically?" He wanted to know what she was keeping from him.

Standing up, she put her tea on the lamp table, and faced him. "Look, Rhett. If you're worried about something happening to you because of me...and you don't...want...don't want to see me right now...or anymore...I...I...uh...totally understand...there will be no hard feelings." She brushed her bangs behind her right ear with one hand and wiped tear away with the other.

Jumping up from his seat, he grabbed her arm, but she pulled away and turned her back to him. "No! No! I'm not going anywhere, Liv! I already told you that. That was not even a thought...I...I..just want to know if anyone...okay...if _you_ were specifically mentioned in the threat. Not because I want to run, but because I care about you, Liv. A lot." 

Turning to face him, she took a deep breath. "I was mentioned by name." She whispered. "And anyone close to me and then any one else investigating."

"You the only one mentioned by name?" He felt a wave a fear sweep through him

Silently, she nodded and looked down. Someone was threatening Olivia and he did not like it one bit. The threat was serious, in and of itself, but that she was named, concerned him. Someone had seen her and taken the time to find out her name. That bothered him greatly. He tried not to let on to her how disconcerting this was to him. He would die to protect her. That's how much he cared.

He put his arms around her and this time she threw her arms around his neck and held him tight. "We will be fine, Liv. We'll be careful and it will all work out." 

Across the street, in a darkened apartment, a repetitive sound filled the air. Click. Click-click. Click. Click-click-click. Click. Click. Click-click. After several minutes, a different sound took it's place. The digital sound, signaling the camera had been turned off.

- - - - - -

A/N: Your reviews keep me pumped! Keep me writing! I want to be the next new best-seller author! LOL! I will give each of you a share of my fortune...no matter how minuscule! How are you liking the story? " ) Bensler


	11. Arrogance

**Chapter 11 - Arrogance**

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday, May 26**

Monday morning came around before Olivia knew it. The weekend had been relatively quiet as far as work. Lake and Munch were catching and they only had one call. It had been cleared before Sunday afternoon. Casey and Sam had invited her and Rhett to a music festival in Jersey on Saturday and they had a wonderful time. Then she and Rhett spent most of Sunday at the park, lying on a blanket under a massive oak tree, reading. They both had novels that they never seemed to find time to finish.

When he came in, it was apparent that Elliot was angry or upset about something. "Good morning, El." Olivia smiled at him, glad that they had talked Friday and that they were okay again. He had on navy slacks, a lavender shirt with a lavender and navy tie with geometric designs and he looked fine, she thought. Except that he was not in a good mood.

"Morning, Liv." He smiled back, but she knew he was not okay. She sensed something was off. No one else would have noticed from his tone, but she did. He put his cell phone on the desk and sat down, adjusting the computer screen.

"What is it?" Leaning across her desk, she spoke quietly.

"What is what?" He kept fidgeting with his computer and only glanced at her.

"Elliot...something's wrong...if you don't want to talk about it, just say so...but don't start this crap again when we just made up!" She spoke in a harsh whisper, her eyes expressing the anger that was beginning to take over.

He held her gaze for a short minute. "Okay...I don't want to talk about it. That all right with you?"

Sometimes his arrogance was more than she could deal with and this was one of those times. "Okay." She nodded and leaned back, turning to her computer screen. "That's fine. I'm here for you if and when you do."

He sat there, not moving, still looking at her. He threw down the pencil he was holding, looked around to see if anyone was near and leaned toward her. "Kathy and I had a fight Friday night...a big one...lasted all weekend. In fact, we're still fighting."

"Oh...well...I'm sorry, El...maybe you should take her to lunch or dinner or something...talk" She suggested. A small part of her was glad they were not getting along, but then she remembered the baby. And Rhett.

He snorted and leaned back in his chair. "You're kidding, right? Lunch, dinner? We can barely be in the same room together and you want me to take her to lunch or dinner? And talk? In public? Someone would end up calling 911!" He just shook his head.

"Look...all I'm saying is...you have to put some effort into the relationship, if you want it to work." Her eyes were steady on him.

"Yea...well...maybe I don't want it to work." He whispered angrily, glaring at her.

"Olivia, Fin. Elliot, Munch. You, too, Lake. My office." Cragen called out, as he stood by the open door of his office.

Olivia looked away from Elliot and at the Captain. He did not seem like he was in a good mood either. She had the distinct feeling this was not going to be a good day.

Looking back at Elliot, she raised her eyebrows and gave a small smile. "Just try to do something nice for Kathy, okay?"

Since when did she want him to do something nice for Kathy, he wondered. It had been years since she tried to make him see Kathy was the best thing that had happened to him, tried to make him see her side of an argument and encouraged him to do whatever was necessary to get back in her good graces. She had stopped taking Kathy's side when she left him and filed for separation. She had stopped when there was a possibility of more from him. Now, he was back with his almost ex-wife and she had a new boyfriend. There was no possibility now. That was why she was on Kathy's side again.

Captain Cragen was standing by his desk when his detectives entered. "Close the door, please." Lake pushed it to and stopped the swinging of the blind with his hand. Cragen looked around at the five of them. "I have unofficial word that the Feds are coming in on this soon. If not today, certainly by tomorrow or Wednesday. I want to find out as much as possible before they get their hands on our investigation."

Turning to Olivia and Fin, he glanced over at Elliot. No. It would be unwise to put him back with Olivia just yet. "I want you two in the field finding out everything you can about Anatoly, Luka and Boris and anything else you can find."

Looking at Elliot and Munch, he gave them their orders. "I want you at the banks, figuring out the financing of this setup and I want something in writing by the end of the day. That clear?"

"Very clear, Captain." Munch, peered over his glasses at Cragen before turning to Elliot.

"Lake, you and I are going to hit the bars. Maybe some of these young women will open up to you...like I heard happened last week." He told a blushing Chester Lake.

"Sir?" Lake knew that the red was showing, even with his naturally dark complexion.

"Way to go, Ches!" Munch teased. Everyone laughed and kidded him.

"All right. Fun's over. Let's go." Cragen opened the door and they all filed out.

**Sorokin Apartment Building**

**Monday, May 26**

Opening the door to Sorokin's apartment building, Mrs. Bachman was just coming out. "Oh, good morning, Detectives...uh...I'm sorry, tell me your names again." She was embarrassed that she could not remember.

"Tutuola and this is Detective Benson." Fin extended his hand and she shook it. Then she turned and shook hands with Olivia, too.

"Luka just came and paid the rent and he and Boris are still here. 2F." She was nodding her head and looking up at the ceiling.

"Thank you, Mrs. Bachman. If you'll excuse us..." Olivia smiled and nodded at Fin as she led the way to the stairs.

Luka Sorokin was around six feet tall and probably two hundred pounds, fair skinned, gray eyes, light brown hair with a capped left front tooth. His accent was the same as the others involved in this case. He was not happy about having to talk to the police, but Fin convinced him it was better here than at the precinct. Boris was there, but taking a shower. The detectives preferred to question them alone, anyway.

"Mr. Sorokin, the DNA clearly shows that you had sexual intercourse with Zhanna Tarasov. She claims she was raped and the evidence seems to support her story. She also described you, including the cap on your front tooth, as one of her rapists." Olivia was irritated by his arrogance cocky attitude.

"I did not rape that woman. And I did not give samples of my DNA to police. So, you have nothing!" He protested, leering as he looked Olivia up and down. "But, I would very much like to give you some samples." He reached out his hand to touch her cheek, but she knocked it away. She had to hold Fin back, as he instantly bowed up and raised his fist.

"Since you left it at an alleged crime scene, it was obtained legally and is permissible in a court of law. Your DNA was processed from the oils left on a cigarette found at the crime scene after your fingerprints were lifted from it and run through the system. Remember being fingerprinted when you came to the U.S.? It told us exactly who held that cigarette. The DNA from the cigarette and from the fluids found in Ms. Tarasov were a match, meaning we know you had sex with Ms. Tarasov." She smirked at Sorokin as his smug smile disappeared.

"I did not rape her!" He insisted, shouting angrily.

"Then how 'bout you tell us how things went down, man?" Fin's hard stare caused Sorokin to calm down a bit.

"Ya, ya. I tell you what happened. I work for my cousin, Anatoly Gavlik. We were having drinks at the bar. Zhanna is one of the girls. She came to me and Boris." He started explaining.

Fin looked at Olivia and she nodded. They were both thinking that Boris had to be one of the others that had sex with her, now they were sure. They needed a warrant to get DNA from Boris.

"Okay...what kind of work do you do?" Olivia watched his actions closely as he spoke.

"Whatever Anatoly needs. Pick up the liquors and beers and stock the bars. Clean. Keep order at the bars...what you call it...we are bouncers. We send the men to the girls." He told her.

Olivia just stared at him, not believing what he just admitted to doing. "Continue."

"We had some drinks. Lot of drinks. Zhanna she come on to me and Boris. Ask if we want to have fun. Sure, we say. She take us to a room. We take turns. When we go to leave, a man dressed in a suit, he looks rich, he stop her as we come out and whisper to her. She laugh and they go into the room."

"Do you know who he was?" Fin asked, glancing at Olivia.

"I do not know his name. But, I see him with Anatoly a lot. He does business with my cousin." Luka explained.

"What kind of business?" Olivia was writing the information down as he spoke.

"I do not know. Anatoly does not discuss his business." He answered.

"Describe the man in the suit." Fin told him.

"About my size, dark, hair and eyes, skin the color of yours..." He looked at Olivia.

"You mean he had an 'olive complexion'?" She paused in her writing.

"Ya...maybe he is Greek or Italian...I don't know." He told them.

"Back to Zhanna...you pay her to have sex?" Fin asked, giving him a hard look.

"Uh...I...we..." He was a loss for words.

Fin took a step toward him. "Don't lie to me, man...I'll drag your butt to the station!"

"Boris and I...working for Anatoly...part of the pay is we can have a woman whenever we want...we do not have to pay like the others." He explained, clearly becoming upset.

"So, Zhanna and the other girls _are_ prostitutes?" Olivia questioned, frowning at him.

"No. They want to do this..." He seemed incredulous that she mentioned prostitution.

"Do what? Give their bodies to men? Come on, Luka. Do you see 'stupid' stamped across my forehead?" Olivia's sarcasm was quite evident.

"Anatoly, he take care of them. Give them education, place to live, food to eat, clothes. He is good to them when they are nice to the men." His explanation was beginning to make a little more sense to Olivia now.

"Where these girls come from?" Fin tilted his head to the side, his eyes narrowed in anger.

"From our country. The Ukraine." He looked like he was scared.

"How they get here?" Fin looked disgusted, just thinking about what Luka told them so far.

"Anatoly has friends in our country who tell him about the girls who want to come to United States. They set up everything in Ukraine. He sets it all up here." He explained.

The opening of a door, told them Boris was finished with his shower. He stepped out, shirtless, barefoot and wearing jeans. A tattoo of a sun with a face was clearly visible on his left wrist. His hair was dark, his eyes brown, but he had the same pale complexion as Luka. He was a little shorter and thinner, but well built. The look on his face was a mixture of confusion and fear. "Luka?"

Stepping closer to him, Olivia showed him her badge. "Mr. Borisenko, I'm Detective Benson, this is my partner, Detective Tutuola. We're investigating the possible rape of Zhanna Tarasov and we would like to talk to you for a minute."

"Rape? I know nothing of a rape..." He spoke quietly.

"What do you know about Zhanna Tarasov and the night of Sunday, May 4 at Washington Square Park?"

Though it seemed impossible, his face became even more pale. "I did not want to hurt Zhanna! She would not agree! She would not be quiet!"

"Boris!" Luke called out and started speaking angrily in Russian as he walked quickly toward Boris.

"English only! Speak English only! We'll arrest you and haul you to the station! English only!" Olivia hollered as Fin pulled Luka out of the apartment and she stepped in front of Boris to keep him in place.

They continued to speak Russian, hollering to be heard, so they were arrested and charged with hindering an investigation. Fin called for backup and as soon as the unis had Luka and Boris in the car, Olivia and Fin took off to find Anatoly.

"Can you believe all the information Luka gave?" Fin asked as he pulled his seatbelt around him.

"No. Either they are 'dumb and dumber' or they really have no concept of the seriousness of what they are helping to perpetuate"

"Think the rich man is linked to the Giordani Group?" Fin looked out the window, thinking.

"Yea. Yea, I do." Olivia looked over her left shoulder and pulled out into the road.

"And this is looking like a lot more than prostitution." Fin offered, looking over at her.

Nodding her head, she sighed as she met his eyes. "Yea...it's starting to look like human trafficking."

**Hutchinson Field, The Bronx**

**Monday Evening, May 26**

Olivia was glad Rhett had brought the stadium seats for the bleacher. Her butt was getting numb even sitting on its cushioned surface. She could only imagine how bad it would be if she were sitting on the hard wood. Rhett was playing third base for the Bronx Dirt Dawgs. Watching him play, she remembered how she loved softball when she was younger. She even played on her high school team, playing second base or shortstop. She could not remember the last time she played or even attended a game.

Then thinking about it, she remembered...about four years ago, Maureen had asked her to come see her pitch in a championship game. She loved Elliot's kids like they were her own and that night, she had felt like she belonged to the family, that all the fun, the joking and kidding were something they wanted to share with her instead of trying to keep it in the family. That's all she had ever wanted in her life. To belong. Somewhere. To someone.

"Penny for your thoughts." Casey asked, returning with an armload of hotdogs, chili cheese fries, snicker bars and bottles of water.

"Just thinking about how good it feels to belong." She took half of the food from Casey and set in on the bleacher between them, as Casey climbed up and sat beside her.

"So...how does it feel?" Casey took a big bite of her hot dog.

"Great! Casey, I am so glad I met Rhett. He loves life and has made me experience it again. I had forgotten what is was to laugh, to watch silly movies, I Love Lucy reruns, fly a kite, walk in the rain, lay in the shade of a big tree and read. Dance. He just knows how to take pleasure in the little things of life...things that had slipped away from me when victims, perps and...other things took their place in my life."

"Hmmm...sounds serious, Liv?" Casey observed quietly, nodding her head as she wiped mustard from her lips.

"What do you mean?" Olivia's head snapped toward her friend.

"Sounds like someone's in love." Casey smirked and took another bite of the hotdog.

Instead of the usual protest Casey expected, Olivia smiled softly. "Is that how being in love sounds?"

The loud crack as his bat met the ball caught their attention. They looked up to see the ball as it sailed into the air, nearly to the fence of rightfield. The hit had the crowd roaring and people all around them standing up, cheering as Rhett took off running. He tagged first base, then second, rounded third and finally slid safely into home plate, bringing two other runs in with his home run, tying the game, 7-7, in the bottom of sixth with one out.

Olivia and Casey high fived. She noticed Olivia was beaming and could not take her eyes off of Rhett as she climbed down the bleachers and ran to the fence to congratulate him. "Looks like Rhett has made more than one home run." Casey grinned, as the sound of her words were lost amidst the cheering.

**SVU Squad Room**

**Tuesday Morning, May 27**

Cragen had called a meeting to exchange all the information that each pair had found out during the previous day. He and Lake were moderately successful, finding two girls willing to talk to Lake. One of them told him that once a girl had been there for awhile and proved herself loyal to Gavlik, she would become the mentor of a couple of new girls. If they did well, a cut of the night's profits would be given to the mentor. Zhanna, they were told was a mentor.

Another girl told them that she had heard that Zhanna was mad because Gavlik did not give her the full amount of her share last month because one of her girls refused to do what a man had asked her. She heard Zhanna went ballistic on Gavlik and he had someone teach her a lesson. This lead them to wonder if that was why Zhanna had been beat up. She needed to be questioned again.

Elliot and Munch had discovered a pattern to the deposits made to Anatoly Gavlik's business accounts for his seven bars that corresponded to the hiring of new employees. They already knew from Zhanna Tarasov that for 5000 a young woman could be brought to the United States from the Ukraine, set up with a place to live, registered for school and given a job. The job was being to be nice to the men at Anatoly's bars. The two detectives filled in the rest of the squad on what they had found and what their theory was on the financial process.

"Gavlik has set up a business called International Educational Services (IES). It provides young women in the Ukraine a way to come to the United States and get an education." Munch pointed to the flow chart he had drawn on the board.

Elliot picked up the explanation. "For 5000, which includes, airfare, a place to live, clothing, food, education and a job, the parents think it is a great price. However, even for the women whose families can afford to pay the entire amount up front, they are still caught up in Gavlik's scheme of being 'nice to the men'." He made quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

"We went to the EIS office in Manhattan...it gives the appearance of being very legitimate, by the way... and the young woman running the place could not show us one transaction that had been paid in full up front. She told us no one in the Ukraine can come up with that kind of money." Munch looked around at everyone.

"But you said some of the families do pay up front...how do you know that?" Olivia asked, not quite seeing how this all fit together.

"Cross referencing the deposit dates to the dates that a new girl was processed through IES, we found that every time a new employee started work, either a 5000 loan for educational services was processed through IES, which, in essence, is perfectly legal..." Munch turned and nodded toward Elliot.

"Or deposits totaling 5000 were disbursed between the seven bars making it look like the money was earned from the bar." Elliot used a red laser pointer to show that fact on the flowchart.

"He laundering the cash through the bars..." Fin stood with his arms across his chest, nodding.

"Yes. The money run through the bars was cash that families would pay up front in the hope of providing their daughters a better life in America. Once the girls are in the U.S., they are at Gavlik's mercy." Elliot stood with his sleeves rolled up, hands on his hips and his feet set wide apart.

"So, do any of these girls ever get free from Gavlik?" Lake asked, looking at the flowchart, processing what had been said.

"Surprisingly, yes. Once a girl actually graduates from college, Gavlik sets her free." Munch told them.

"Our theory is that his clientele prefers the younger girls. On average, it takes his girls nearly six years to complete college. By then they are getting older and not as desirable." Elliot looked at Captain Cragen and each detective before his gaze landed Olivia.

For some reason, she felt herself blushing. "Hey, you trying to tell Liv something, Stabler?" Lake hollered out and the whole crew laughed.

Olivia knew she was blood red, now but there was no way that comment was going without a comeback. "Some things just get better with age." She said in a husky voice, raised her left eyebrow and gave her best seductive look, her eyes never leaving Elliot's face.

The room filled with the sounds of wolf whistles, chortles, oooohs and comments of 'she told you, man!'...'watch out, Stabler!'. Now, it was his turn to blush.

"Olivia, Fin...what do you have?" Cragen asked, in an attempt to get them back on track with the discussion.

Olivia stood, went to Elliot and took the laser pointer from him, glaring icily at him, as Fin flipped the board. "You are not old and you are definitely desirable." He whispered as she leaned over him.

"You couldn't handle me, Stabler..." She hissed quietly in his ear. "Even if _you_ were younger." She added, as her lips curled in a smirk.

They told them about their encounter with Luka and Boris. It seemed that Anatoly may be out of the country, because no one had seen him in almost a week. One of his neighbors told them he goes to Europe two or three times a year. They planned to ask his father about it. They ended with telling them about Zhanna being with the suited man who, according to Luka, could be Greek or Italian.

"We think this dude, is from the Gior..uh...Gior..." His mind drawing a blank on the name, he looked to Olivia for help, raising his hands in despair.

"Giordani Group." She added for him.

"Yea...Giordani Group and if he is, then we know without a doubt the mob is active in this mess." He told them.

"This group, the Gior-danny Group, that's not the name of the family that owns it, is it?" Elliot pointed toward the name on the board, purposely pronouncing it with the ending of 'danny'.

Olivia knew exactly what he was doing. He was making it a play on the name of his former partner and short-lived romantic interest, Dani Beck. He was trying to push her buttons. No. He _was_ pushing her buttons. She was mad as a stirred up hornet.

"The proper pronunciation is Giordani... as in 'donny'" Olivia corrected him.

He narrowed his eyes at her and ignored what she said. "So, what is the name of the family that owns the Giordanny Group?"

Everyone looked at Elliot and then at Olivia, quite aware of what he was doing. She wanted to slap the smirk off his face, but somehow she maintained her cool.

"Sollecito." She even managed to smile, instead of glare at him.

"Liv and I have recognized something else about this case...it ain't just prostitution, is it, Liv?" Looking over at her was his way of telling her to explain it.

"From everything we have been told and now, especially after seeing what Munch and Elliot have come up with on the financial side, we are looking at basically powerless, young women who are being subjected to force, fraud, or coercion, for the purpose of sexual exploitation and forced labor. We believe we are looking at human trafficking." Olivia looked around the room at the reactions of her colleagues.

"I thought human trafficking was when the victim is enslaved, stripped of their basic rights. These girls are getting an education and they work and seem to be free to do what they want." Elliot could not understand how they came to that conclusion.

"When these young wo..." Olivia found herself interrupted by a very familiar, deep voice.

"You're right, Detective Stabler." All eyes, turned toward the voice and it's owner.

Dean Porter, Special Agent in Charge, FBI, strode into the squad room, followed by two other men, dressed almost exactly as he, dark suits and dark ties. Serious and unsmiling. Elliot crossed his arms and glared at him. Porter's arrogance and condescending attitude was not an endearing quality. Of course, Elliot was the only one that thought he acted that way.

"Usually, these victims are held against their will and enslaved. But Gavlik's young victims are taken from their homes under the false assumption that they are coming here for a better life. From what we can tell, Gavlik's victims _are_ routinely raped, tortured and brutalized. They are stripped of their visas, birth certificates, any form of identification that could be used to escape from Gavlik if they could find the courage. Though not technically enslaved, they are, in a very real sense, held against their will." Porter continued with his explanation, looking around at the crew.

"Why don't they come to the police and report what's going on?" Lake wondered.

"In the home countries of most of these victims, the police are seen as the enemy. More times than not, they are part of the criminal activity and are to be feared. They have the same perception of our police and will not, in most cases, seek help from us."

Elliot was ticked off. Why in the heck did they have to send Dean Porter to be the FBI counterpart of this investigation? He still hated Dean even though he and Olivia were no longer together. Elliot hated everyone she dated. The mere thought of her with someone else, made him physically ill. And now, all he could think of as he watched Dean talk, was that he had held her in his arms, kissed her, been with her. He felt the anger rising in him and he took several deep breaths hoping it would help calm him. Glancing over at Olivia, he noticed she seemed captured by Dean's explanation. Or was it by Dean? Watch out, Rhett, he thought. He hated him, too.

"Okay...good job people. Things are beginning to make a lot more sense." Captain Cragen looked at his detectives and nodded. Turning to Dean, he extended his hand. "Good to see you, Dean. You want to introduce everyone?"

"This is Agent Dave Smythe, Agent Matt Cerek." He pointed to each agent as he introduced them. Then turning to the SVU detectives, he nodded at each one as he called out their names. "Detectives John Munch, Elliot Stabler...uh...you are?" He did not know Lake.

"Chester Lake." He shook Dean's hand and then the agents' hands.

"Good to meet you, Detective Lake. I'm Dean Porter, Special Agent in Charge, FBI." He continued talking to his agents. "This is Captain Don Cragen, Fin Tutuola and Olivia Benson. She's the lead on this for SVU. She and I will be working closely together to provide leadership for this combined agency investigation." He told his agents as they quietly looked on.

Elliot could not help it. The thought of Porter working 'closely' with Liv infuriated him and a disgusted snort escaped without his permission. Every one heard it and everyone turned to look at him, including the Captain.

"Elliot? Is there a problem?" Cragen asked, the fury clear in his eyes though his voice conveyed a calm he was not feeling.

"Uh...no. No, Sir. No problem." Elliot answered, looking the Captain in the eyes.

As Cragen turned around, Elliot shifted his gaze, first to Olivia, who glared at him before she looked away, and then to Porter where it became a hard glare. Porter smiled smugly and turned to talk to Olivia.

He touched her arm as he spoke. "Listen...there was an article awhile back that I think may have some information that would help our investigation. How about we go by the newspaper office and then get some lunch? We can catch up a bit and discuss the case." Porter asked loud enough that Elliot would hear him.

"Oh...well, I really am not that hungry and there are some..." She had forgotten how good looking he was and how charming he could be.

"You have to eat to keep your mind sharp, Liv...and if I know you, you probably are so keyed up with this case, you haven't eaten anything today. Am I right?" He grinned.

"Okay, okay. I'll go to lunch with you." She laughed, her brown eyes twinkling, as picked up a couple of files and handed them to Dean. He slid them into his shoulder bag.

Catch up? Porter wanted to catch up. Well, Elliot want to catch his head between his fists and pummel him. This made two days in a row that Elliot was not in a good mood. His stomach roiled as he watched Dean Porter put his arm around Olivia's shoulder and pull her close to him in a side hug. And she did not even try to pull away.

**A/N:** _Writing is going a little slower than I wanted...however, I do already have two and half more chapters done...just have to figure out how to tie them into the story chronologically. I hope you are still with me and liking the story. Let me know! He is Risen! Happy Easter! " ) Bensler_


	12. Anguish

**Chapter 12 - Anguish**

**Lunchtime, NYC**

**Tuesday, May 27**

Rhett came out of the CNN building, heading for lunch with several co-workers. There was friendly talk and banter going on among the group. Standing at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change, he looked around at the beautiful blue sky dotted with the big puffy clouds like that first day in the park with Olivia. It seemed she filled his every waking thought, as well as his dreams. He could not believe he had met someone like her. She was everything he had ever hoped for in a woman. Bringing his eyes back to the streets, something, caught his attention. Laughter. He would know that laughter anywhere. Looking around he found its source and at almost the same time, it seemed the steady ground fell from beneath him.

There she was, standing not thirty feet away, her head thrown back in laughter, her long neck beautiful and vulnerable. Beside her was a tall man, 6'2" or 6'3", slender but with a nice build, an olive complexion like hers, dark hair, about her age, smiling and laughing with her. He wore a dark suit and a red tie. He looked like an attorney or a businessman. She kept reaching out and touching his arm, as she spoke to him, smiling, laughing. He grabbed her hand and held it for a moment, before she pulled away. Rhett felt a tightness in his chest.

The light changed and the man turned to cross the road and as he did, he put his arm around her shoulder. Rhett had to remind himself to breathe. She easily slipped her arm around the man's waist and hugged him, then let her arm fall away, but his remained around her. The man leaned over as though to kiss her, but she quickly turned and the kiss landed on the side of her head. He had to will his heart to beat again. He was jealous. He thought he had been jealous before. But it had never felt like this. Like an oppressive heaviness within his spirit, a burning rage upon his heart and an uncontrollable urge, a desperate need to beat the crap out of someone. He had never felt this...not until just a few seconds ago, anyway.

They were heading the same direction as he and his co-workers. Should he ignore that he had seen her with this man and ask her about it later? Or wait and see if she mentions it? Or should he just confront it head on...Olivia...what are you doing here? Who is your friend? Was he jumping to conclusions? Could it be her brother? No. She had mentioned she and Simon were opposites. She was dark, he was fair skinned. Was it her partner? If so, someone needed to remind him he had a wife. He could not believe they had dated for this long and he still had never met two of the most important men in her life. He didn't even know her partner's last name.

In the span of thirty seconds, he was going crazy with questions and scenarios as to whom this man was and what he was to her. Then he checked himself. Though they had been seeing each other for more than three weeks, they had never verbally agreed to be exclusive. He thought it was obvious, if not implied, by their spending nearly every spare minute together. Perhaps she did not feel the same way. Had he mistakenly assumed their relationship was more than it was? He did not think so, but he could be wrong.

As fate would have it, his co-workers chose the same deli for lunch as Olivia and the man. The tables were round and the man had pulled his chair around to be closer to her. Rhett's seat put him facing the suited man. It took no time at all to conjure up hate for this man. The way he leaned over Olivia, pointing to papers on the table before them. His suit, his thick, dark hair, his big white smile, his hands, especially his hands, constantly reaching out to touch her, on the arm, the hand, the shoulder, brushing her bangs from her face, rubbing her neck. This was not a friend or a colleague. This man was too familiar with her and she was too comfortable with his familiarity. This was a former lover. At least, he hoped former. Anguish was not foreign to him, but it certainly was not something he had experienced much. However, right now, he thought he might be able to write an entire book about it and the distress it was causing him.

He barely took two bites of his sandwich and only a swallow or two of his drink. He talked just enough to not seem antisocial, but his concentration was six tables away. One of his co-workers noticed what was going on.

"Rhett . . . are you okay?" Jen asked, looking from him to the table with Olivia.

"What? Oh...yea...just fine." He said sarcastically.

She leaned closer to him so the others would not hear. "Is that Olivia...the woman you can't quit talking about?"

"Yea...that's her." He stared at the man leaning close to whisper in her ear.

"Gosh, Rhett...she really is as beautiful as you keep saying. Who's that with her? They look kind of...kind of...chummy." She pointed out, frowning.

"Thanks for letting me know, Jen. I never would have figured that one out." He glared at her, then felt bad. "I'm sorry...I...don't know who that jerk is and I can't decide if I should go talk to her or just wait and see if she says anything."

"That's tough...now, if it were Rob...I'd just go punch him out." Jen was watching them. Rob was her fiancé.

The man stood and pulled Olivia's chair out for her, then they walked toward the counter and he put his hand on the small of her back. Rhett felt his head begin to pound as he unconsciously clenched and unclenched his jaw, his fists doing the same. Suddenly, his group was standing and heading to the counter to pay, right behind Olivia and the man.

He leaned over to Jen. "Listen, just play along, huh?"

Jen shrugged. "Okay."

There was no way, Olivia and Rhett could avoid each other now. As soon as their lunch was paid for and they turned around, Olivia saw Rhett staring straight at her. Dean turned back to get a pack of mints.

"Rhett, hey!" She was blushing and she knew she was but there was nothing she could do. If Rhett had seen them at lunch, she was fully aware of how it probably looked. She started to go to him and hug him, but he seemed different, reserved. So, she stayed put.

"Olivia, what brings you to this part of town?" He smiled, but made no move toward her, trying hard not to look at the man. He handed the pretty blond next to him several bills. "Do you mind, Jen?" He smiled and touched her shoulder.

"Not at all, big guy." She reached for the money, putting both her hands around his and went to pay.

Big guy? Who the heck was this dizzy blond, Olivia thought? She needed to keep her hands off Rhett. Olivia wanted to ask her to please step outside for just a minute. That's all it would take, just a minute. What was going on?

"Oh...my...uh...my colleague and I had some things to check out on the case we're working..." She was more than puzzled by his demeanor.

Olivia's colleague walked up to her at almost the same time Jen came back from paying. Jen gave Rhett his change and hooked both of her arms around his left arm and smiled at them.

Leaning forward, the suited man extended his hand. "Dean Porter. Going to be working with Liv on a case."

"Rhett Chapman. Good to meet you." Now, he sized him up as he shook hands with him.

He was right. Former lover. Better be former, anyway. How convenient. Olivia had told him just last night that the FBI was coming in on the case sometime this week. She did not tell him it was going to be her ex-boyfriend. But, here he was, Mr. FBI, himself.

"This is my friend and co-worker, Jen Richardson. Jen, this is Olivia Benson and Dean Porter." Rhett introduced them.

He never took his eyes from Liv's as they all said their polite hellos and nice to meet yous and then it was time to leave. He saw a strange mixture of emotion in her brown eyes. Anger...or was it jealousy...or bewilderment...and hurt. As they were walking out, Olivia caught Rhett's arm and pulled him to the side.

"Rhett...can we talk?" Worry filled her eyes as she silently pleaded with him to agree.

She was surprised...or was it shocked, to see the coldness in his gaze. His icy blue eyes were reminiscent of another set of stormy, angry blue eyes that she had looked into countless times over the years.

"We'll talk later, Olivia. Right now I need to get back to work." He pulled away and caught up with his group, leaving her standing there with her mouth open and her eyes wide with astonishment that he had just brushed her aside and walked off as if he could care less.

"Didn't seem much like a boyfriend." Porter stated his observation.

"That's because you were all over me and he's upset." She snapped. She was sick to her stomach and was pretty sure her lunch was going to make a comeback appearance any minute.

"I was _not _all over you!" He argued, around the smirk on his face. "And besides, he had a friend of his own...Jen, was it? And a very pretty one, at that."

"Yes, you were and they were just trying to make it look that way...I fell for it at first, but then I noticed the engagement ring on her hand." She was very upset that Rhett would not talk with her.

"Guess all that detective work can pay off in your love life, too. Well, things will work out, I'm sure. And if they don't..." He raised his eyebrows at her. "I'm still available."

She elbowed him and looked for a cab. "We need to get back to the precinct."

**Benson Residence**

**Tuesday Night, May 27**

The rest of the day was a blur to Olivia. She and Porter went over all the information that had been gathered so far on the Tarasov rape/Kushnir murder. The murder had taken a bit of backseat to the rape investigation, because they were positive if they could solve the rape, the details of the murder would fall into place. Dean agreed that the two were inextricably tied. His Agents Smythe and Cerek had already begun investigating the threat SVU received. Tomorrow, she and Porter were going to start concentrating on Anatoly.

Though she managed not to think of Rhett most of the time she and Porter were wading through the files and reports, she did think about him...a lot. She was very upset over the whole situation and still could not believe he would not talk to her. Nor had he called her today. He always called her around 3:00 just to say hello and see how her day was going. They had been together for over three weeks and there had not been even a hint of an argument and now this. All because she had agreed to have lunch with Dean Porter.

When she wasn't thinking of Rhett, she was thinking about Elliot. He was ticked off at her, too. Though exactly why, she could not say. It could be just about anything with him. He might still be mad that she suggested he make up with Kathy. He could be upset that she was the lead on the case and he still was not back in the field with her. He disagreed with her and Fin's assessment that this case could be about human trafficking instead of just prostitution and was probably mad that Porter agreed with her. And, of course, there was Porter. Elliot hated him and she was sure he was furious about him working with her again. That was obvious by his reaction to Dean announcing that he would be working closely with her.

That left Porter as another significant male in her life. He was the common denominator in the other two being mad her. So, this was his fault, she decided. Why did he have to be the one to take this case? She knew why. He was the director of the FBI unit that corresponded with the SVU. As director, he could assign anyone he wanted to the case. He took it himself, because he wanted to see her. Spend time with her. She knew that was why. They had ended their relationship amiably, but she also knew he would be more than willing to pick up where they left off. He had made that clear months ago and again today. Well, if he had not shown up, Elliot might not, the operative word being 'might', be angry with her and Rhett definitely would not be angry with her. So, she now found herself building up anger at Dean Porter for just being there.

It was nearly 7:00 and she still had not heard from Rhett. She debated on calling him again. She had called twice, leaving messages both times on his cell phone. She knew he got them. She was not sure what he expected her to do. If anything. He had told her they would talk later, she called him and he had not returned the calls. Should she go by his place or just wait it out?

An hour later she had put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed her running shoes and hailed a cab. She paid the cabbie and just as he drove off, she looked up and saw Rhett hugging a blond woman. Not the same one from lunch. This one was taller and thinner. He kissed her quickly on the lips, hugged her again, then opened the door of the car they stood beside, holding it while she slid into the driver's side. There was a child in the passenger side. Olivia felt a pain in her heart as though a knife had pierced it. Changing her mind about talking to him, she turned quickly and began to run down the sidewalk across the street from him. He looked her way and realizing it was her, he hollered.

"Olivia? Olivia, wait!" He looked both ways and ran across the street toward her. "Olivia!"

Not only did she not stop, she ran away as fast as she could. Away from him. Away from facing the fact that he did not want her anymore. That he did not even care enough to talk to her and discuss today. That he cared so little, he was already kissing someone else. She was such a fool to believe someone like him could really want to be with someone like her. Love had no place in her life. She was destined to be alone. The hot tears that found their way down her face made her more angry and upset and she ran even faster.

She was in shape and she was a fast runner. Running track in high school, gave her an edge but as fast as she was, especially for a woman, she was no match for Rhett. His military training combined with his alternating work-out and running regimen, meant he was just as in shape. And he was bigger and faster. He quickly gained on her, grabbed her arm, stopped her and whirled her around to face him.

"Olivia, stop!" He gripped her wrists and pulled her to him and she fought like a scared cat, pulling away, trying to jerk loose. She grunted her irritation at being held against her will.

"Stop! Why'd you come all the way over here if you're just going to run away?" Rhett demanded.

"Let go of me!" She grunted again and kept jerking, hoping to break the iron hold he had on her wrists.

"I'll let go, but you have to promise not to run away..." He offered, trying to see into her eyes, but she refused to look at him. He saw the trail her tears had made down her cheek. His heart melted.

Why did she have to promise that, she wondered? Running was what she did best when confronted with emotions she did not know how to handle. Did not _want_ to handle. When Elliot basically told her how much she meant to him, she had run away to computer crimes. When feelings became harder to ignore after she came back, she ran again. Farther away...to Oregon. She had been happy with Dean Porter until he started pushing for more. She ran then, too. Just like she wanted to run now instead of wading through the muck of jealousy, hurt feelings, broken hearts and relationships that were over.

Slowly, he released her from his grip. She rubbed her wrists and glared at him, but she did not run. He raked his hair back and then stood with his feet wide apart and his hands on his hips. She wanted to slug him because he was standing like Elliot and right now she was almost as upset with Elliot as she was with Rhett. She had never seen Rhett angry and his blue eyes, stormy and intense, mesmerized her. The anger in them new to her, yet in some unexplained way, their fury familiar as they turned from their normal bright blue to a thunderous gray. His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed.

"You didn't answer my question." His words were clipped and angry, as he stood there, looking down his nose at her. How she hated that!

"I don't remember a question." She hurled back, pushing the bangs from her face with one hand.

"Why did you come all the way over here, just to run away?" His voice sounded calmer than he was and she sensed that the anger simmering was just below the surface.

She exhaled a long breath and it was as though her anger seeped out of her along with it. She looked every where but at Rhett. Finally, her eyes, bright with unshed tears, met his.

"I saw you...I saw you kiss her." She said so quietly, he had to lean toward her to hear what she said.

"So?" She saw something flash across his eyes for just a second, but his face remained tight and angry.

So? _So_? Her head began to pound, synchronized with each beat of her heart. So? Like it was no big deal that she _saw_ him kiss another woman, no big deal that he _kissed _another woman. Okay...okay. She tried to think what to say, what to do. The anguish she felt was extreme and unexpected. They had been together nearly every day for over three weeks. She was not seeing anyone else...did not want to see anyone else. She had thought the feeling was mutual. Apparently, she was mistaken. They had never talked about seeing only each other. There was no commitment between them. At least not a spoken one, but she had assumed there was one. She was a cop! She knew better than to make assumptions!

Looking past Rhett, she saw a cab coming down the street. "You know what, Rhett. You are right. Absolutely right. _So_, what." She snapped back tersely and before it completely registered what she was doing, before he could stop her, she had run into the middle of the road, flagged it down and jumped in.

As he ran toward the cab, she refused to looked back, but she could hear his shouts. "Olivia! Don't do this! Please! Don't run away!"

**Taxi Cab, Manhattan**

**Tuesday Night, May 27**

Breathing hard, she let her head fall to the back of the cab seat, as she closed her eyes, trying to dispel the image of Rhett kissing the tall, blonde woman. On the lips. She shook her head back and forth in an attempt to dislodge the memory. She felt tears welling up and was determined not to cry. She would not cry over someone who did not want her. Those days were over. She was a new woman.

The vibration at her waist signaled an incoming call on her cell phone. Without bothering to look at the caller I.D., she pressed the 'ignore' button and then turned the phone off. Nearing her apartment, she had the cab driver drop her off at bar two blocks from her place. She decided a couple of beers was just what she needed to take the edge off of the anguish that had taken up residence in her heart.

**LoJo's Bar and Grill**

**Tuesday Night, May 27**

Walking in, she took a quick look around. Good. Only a handful of customers. A couple of guys at one end of the bar, watching a baseball game. A young couple, sitting on the same side of the booth, talking quietly. Three men at a table, laughing. No one except Mike, the bartender, paid any attention to her.

"Haven't seen you in while, Liv. Where ya been?" Mike smiled as he wiped the counter.

"Hey, Mike. Been around. Been busy." She sighed heavily as she took a seat on one of the bar stools at the counter.

"The usual?" Mike asked. He was younger, average looking, very nice and one look told you he was dedicated to working out. He always flirted with Liv. Early on he asked her out, but she made it clear she thought he was too young. Looking at him now, she wondered what was wrong with her.

Usually, when she came in here she was looking for a little something to take the edge off, just like tonight and she would drink a beer or two. Rarely would she drink more than that because she did not want to end up like her mother.

"Yea...the usual." She smiled and laid some money on the counter.

He brought her a bottle, loosening the cap for her. "There you go, Liv." He slid the bill back her way. "This one's on the house...sort of a 'welcome home', okay?" He grinned.

"Thanks." She held the cold bottle up to her cheek for a couple of seconds and then downed half of it before setting it on the counter in front of her.

Running a finger over a large scratch in the counter top, she could not stop thinking about Rhett. How could things go from being so good, so right to falling completely apart all in a matter of several hours? Who was the blond and who was the kid? She needed more than a couple of beers. Picking up the bottle she finished it off and motioned to Mike for another. She had not eaten since lunch and it did not take long for lightheadedness to set in.

"Oh...forgot to tell you...your partner was in earlier...said he'd been by your place and thought you might be here." Mike told her.

"What?" She frowned, wondering what Elliot had been doing here. "Say what he wanted?" Mike knew Elliot because they used to come here together a lot after a bad case and then when he and Kathy separated.

"Just that he was looking for you...drank a beer and left." He shrugged and went back to washing glasses.

Almost four more beers and an hour and twenty minutes later, she was more than buzzed. She closed her eyes and leaned her head over the counter, rubbing her neck with her right hand.

She sensed someone sliding onto the stool next to her, but her head felt so heavy, she could barely look that way. "Olivia...what are you doing out alone?" The tone in Dean's voice told her he was more than aggravated with her.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Who...who made you m-my keeper, Porter? I'm a b-big girl." Her words slurred just a little as she stammered her response.

He leaned in and whispered harshly. "Remember the threat to you and the squad. You should not be out alone...especially at night and in a place like this!"

"A pl-place like this? I'm two blocks from my...my apartment and I'm not alone...Mike's here...he's my friend..." She trailed off as she looked over at Mike, who did a little salute.

Porter looked at him and then back at Olivia. "Come on...let's get you home." He stood and threw some money on the counter.

As he pulled her up, she threw her arms around him. "What if I don't want to...to go...home, yet?" Gosh, he smelled so good. What was that cologne? He didn't used to wear it.

"Liv...come on." He tried to pull her arms from around his neck, but she held on tightly. He could not believe she was doing this. He never forgot what it was like to hold her in his arms.

"No...you come on...dance with me." She pulled him out on the floor.

"Liv...let me take you home." He pleaded.

"Deeeaaannn...please...just one dance. One dance." She begged and he could not resist.

A country music song was playing. He did not know what it was and he did not care. He knew she was going to hate him in the morning, if he did not take her home, get her settled and leave. But the second she pulled him up to her and he felt the heat from her body against his, every good intention he had, ceased to exist. One dance. What would one dance hurt, he asked? He put his left arm around her waist and pulled her even closer. His right hand went to her back, gently trailing up and down. He slowly inched higher until he was massaging her neck. She was running her hands all over his back and then around to his chest.

His heart pounded. He had missed her so much. He wanted her so much. But she was seeing someone, someone she seemed to care about deeply. So, why was she dancing with him in the middle of a bar, coming on to him? She was drunk, that's why, Porter. Get a grip, he told himself. It's not you she wants. He knows her. Something bad had happened. She just wants to forget. He knew she was not given to drinking like this...something made her drink tonight. He wondered if it had to do with lunch. Who was he kidding? He knew it had to with lunch and Rhett and him. But, as her hands caressed him and her head leaned on him, her warm breath on his chest, he did not care _why_ she was in his arms, only that she was.

He hands traveled further up and his fingers found her hair and ran through it, grabbing a handful and slightly pulling her head back and away from his chest. He looked into her eyes, her half-open gorgeous brown eyes. If he did not know she was three sheets to the wind, he could have convinced himself they were heavy lidded with desire. He almost convinced himself anyway. She stared back, either emboldened or rendered helpless by the alcohol...he was not sure which. But she kept looking at him, as though she was waiting for him to make the next move. Was she waiting? He was not sure. And then, slowly she bit her lower lip, sucking it in and as she released it, her tongue ran across it and that was it. She could slap him if she wanted, but he could not help it. He leaned down and was surprised when she met him half way as their lips crashed together.

Being in his arms felt so good. So, good to be held by someone, anyone who _wanted_ to be with her. Elliot hadn't wanted her. He went back to Kathy. She thought Rhett wanted her, but he pushed her away, too, and then tonight she saw him kissing another woman. And he said 'so'. So. So, two could play this game. So, she was kissing another man. Not just any man. A man she once cared about. A man she once thought held a future for her. She had forgotten what a great kisser he was...the kiss was just what she wanted, needed right now. A low, soft moan sounded in the back of her throat as he kissed her deeply, bruising her lips. The kiss was not soft, not tender, not gentle. It was anything but and she wanted more. She wanted to forget. Forget about Rhett and the blond woman. Forget about Elliot and Kathy and Eli. Forget about Zhanna Tarasov and Daniela Kushnir. Forget about the threats. Forget that she would never have what she wanted all her life. Somewhere, someone to belong to.

Breaking the kiss, Dean's lips traveled down her jaw and neck to nuzzle her shoulder, his breath hot through the material of her t-shirt. "Liv, Liv...we need to go...let me take you home..."

"Mmmm...yea...yea..." She could not get words to form together enough to make a sentence.

**Hallway Outside of Benson Apartment**

**Tuesday, May 27**

He pulled away and led her out of the bar. She clung to him, unsteady on her feet. Fifteen minutes later they had made it to her building and up the stairs. The elevator was not working. Again. By now, everything was funny to her and she was giggling and she kept stopping him to kiss him. Just as they got to the landing of her floor, a couple of doors from hers, Dean pushed her up against the wall, kissing her roughly and running his hands all over her. That she seemed to melt into him as her hands roamed his body, did not matter to the man who had been sitting beside her door waiting for her to come home. Waiting. For hours. It did not matter at all. As he jumped up and went for Dean Porter, Special Agent-in-Charge, it did not matter. At all.

**A/N: **_Okay...what's going on with Liv? For me to know and you to find out...by continuing to read...and review...Thanks for all you have done! Does anyone know why dollar signs will not stay in the text once it is submitted to the site? I went back and tried to add them again, but they disappear...?? Thanks. " ) Bensler_


	13. Advantage

**Chapter 13 - Advantage**

**Hallway Outside of Benson Apartment**

**Tuesday Night, May 27**

If reason was a still small voice, Dean's guilt was a booming, thundering one that he tried hard not to hear. It was an exercise in futility because his conscience would not let him ignore it. Dean heard it shouting that he could not continue this. He knew Olivia was looking for comfort and he should not be so ready to oblige. Not like this, anyway. He knew she was too drunk to be making a rational decision about doing what they were doing. And yet, he kept telling himself, just one more kiss, one more minute and he would pull away, stop. He would see to it that she was settled and okay to leave alone and then he would go home.

From the moment they entered the building, he heard them...their voices, talking, laughing, whispering had filled the empty air long before they could be seen. Her giggling had been like a punch to his stomach, because Olivia Benson did not giggle. He did not have to see her to know she had been drinking. Too much. Way too much. He had been sitting there for hours, dozing, wondering where the heck she was and why she had turned off her cell phone. She never turned it off, because it was her tie to work and, he liked to think, her tie to him. Not to mention they were in the middle of a very big case and she needed to be accessible.

As they stepped onto the landing, he tensed, intuition telling him this was not going to be a good scene. The hallway had only one dim light so he was pretty much hidden in the shadows. They were in what little light that was available and little though it was, it was enough to see more than he wanted. When Dean pushed Olivia up against the wall, he was on his feet in seconds. He was rough with her but she seemed to give as good as she got. Pausing briefly, he watched her respond to Dean, pulling him closer, kissing him back, he found himself wondering if maybe he should _not _interrupt. She was a grown woman, after all, and had right to do whatever she wished.

Another side of him burned with jealousy and fury at this man kissing her, touching her and she apparently, not only enjoying it but encouraging it. He felt as though the breath had been knocked out of him and his heart had stopped beating. The thought of her with anyone was enough to drive him insane, but _seeing_ it, seeing it pushed him to the edge and he knew that with very little effort he could beat Dean Porter within an inch of his life.

Then logic prevailed and he knew he would intervene. She did have the right to do whatever she wanted, but not when her reasoning and thought process was compromised by alcohol. He could count on one hand the number of times he had seen her drunk in the nine years they had been together. He knew tomorrow morning she would regret what it looked like she was about to do tonight. Especially with Dean. Especially when she was seeing Rhett and cared about him like she did. Something bad happened for her to be acting like this. He knew it as surely as he stood here. Her actions were in response to being hurt. Deeply. He was her partner, her best friend. He could not let her do this. He would _not _let her do this.

Seconds before Dean had decided he would pull away and grasp at the last bit of decency he could find within himself, he was snatched away from Olivia, by strong, rough hands. One of those hands curled into a fist as hard as a brick, then connected solidly with his jaw and as one hand maintained a hold on him, the fist connected once again, this time with his eye. He whirled around, just barely catching himself, as he fell into the wall. Olivia pressed herself as tightly against the wall as she could. Even in her inebriated state, she realized the danger of Elliot's fury. What's more, she recognized that a good portion of that fury was directed at her. Nothing like full fledged Stabler rage to sober you up. If she had wanted to help Dean, she could not have, because the hallway was spinning before her eyes and she was becoming quite nauseated.

"Get off her, you slimeball!" His voice was a low growl.

His eyes were nearly bulging out of his head, the veins in his neck throbbing under the intensity of the fury flowing through him. His fist landed squarely on Dean's left jaw, knocking him into the wall. Never losing his grip on him, Elliot slammed his fist into him again. He'd have a black eye for sure. Before Dean could completely stand up again, Elliot had grabbed him up by his white, polo shirt and had his fist poised to crash into his face for the third time.

"Elliot...don't...please...don't hit him again..." Olivia managed to plead in a small voice.

Jerking Porter within inches of his face, Elliot glared at the man. "What kind of a man takes advantage of a woman that's had too much to drink? What's the matter, Porter? That the only way you can get a woman? You're no better than the pervs we put away! You make me sick!"

He let go of him so suddenly, Porter fell backward into Olivia. When he did, Elliot grabbed him up again, pulling him away from her. "I thought I told you to get off of her!"

"Elliot...Elliot...just...please...don't...okay? Please?" Olivia begged him as she remained plastered to the wall. She was going to throw up any minute.

Dean was breathing hard as he rubbed his jaw. Finally, getting his footing and a little of his confidence back, he took a step toward Elliot. "You had no right to do this, Stabler. Olivia and I are both adults. Consenting adults. We were doing nothing wrong. Nothing."

Elliot closed what little space was still between them. "You think she would give you the time of day if she were sober?" His laugh was mirthless. "Someone needs to remind you how a gentleman treats a lady."

"And someone needs to remind you that you have wife and her name is not Olivia!" Dean snapped, please that he got him back.

Elliot looked like a raging bull ready to charge. "Dean!! Just ignore him...Elliot...please...ignore him." Olivia could not believe Dean said that. She saw Elliot slightly flinch and she wondered did he still care like she thought he had at one time. The look in his eyes told her 'yes'.

Elliot's jaw jumped and he leaned into Porter's face. "If I see you even breathing the same air as Olivia, I am going to take you apart, piece by piece. You got that?"

Unflinching, Dean played what he thought was his trump card. "I've a good mind to charge you with assaulting a Federal officer."

"Dean...no...no...you are not going to..." She looked at Dean, but his glare was on Elliot.

Elliot snorted. "It's only a Federal offense if I assaulted you while you were engaged in the performance of your official duties, Porter."

"Elliot...let it go..." She was going to toss her cookies right here in the hallway.

Elliot glanced at her and realized she was sick, but he was not letting Porter get away with this threat. He knew it was hollow and he wanted to make sure Dean knew he knew it.

"Somehow, I don't think the brass, ours or yours, would see kissing and feeling up a drunk woman who happens to be your subordinate, as 'performance of your official duties'." He did quotation marks in the air.

Dean just stared at him. He knew Elliot was right. "So, be my guest...arrest me for assaulting you." He stepped back and held out his hands for Porter to handcuff.

Dean looked away and backed off. He turned toward Olivia. "Come on, let's get you settled." He took her arm and put his other arm around her waist.

Elliot nearly came unglued. Who did this jerk think he was!? "Get your hands off of her. The only one helping her tonight is me. Get out of here!" He stormed, pulling Olivia from Porter and pushing Porter away.

Olivia could not believe this was happening. All she needed right now to make the evening complete was for Rhett to show up. Wouldn't that be nice? He and Elliot could finally meet and they could all three discuss Olivia and analyze her and decide what is best for her.

"I think that is for Liv to say..." Porter pointed out.

No. No. Please, she could not make this decision right now. Not as drunk and sick and confused as she felt. Her stomach clenched and she felt the beer coming up her throat. She swallowed thickly, managing to hold it back. She looked from one man to the other

Porter with his beautiful brown eyes, waiting for her answer. She cared about him and she knew he cared about her, but he _had_ seemed on track to take advantage of her even though she was partially to blame. She was not sure whether or not he would have and the fact that she did not know was enough that she did not want him to help her right now. She did know that she would have regretted it in the morning.

Slowly, she turned her pounding head toward Elliot. His normally gorgeous blue eyes that could melt her heart, were dark, midnight blue like the ocean before a storm. His eyes had a color and shade for every emotion known to man. And she knew each and every color and shade as well as what it signified. Right now the stormy, thundering blue was barely contained fury. But even in his fury, or in her weakness, she knew he would _never_ take advantage of her. Looking between them once again, she made her decision.

Turning to Dean, she placed a hand on his arm and looked him in the eye. "Dean..." Shaking her head, she paused. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Olivia..." Dean looked at her questioningly, the disbelief in his voice.

Elliot smirked. He could not help it.

"I'm...I'm sorry..." She pulled away as Elliot stepped closer.

On his key ring, he found the spare key to her apartment that she had given him the first year they were partnered. For emergencies. He unlocked the door, glared at Porter and took Olivia by the arm, helping her inside and closing the door in Porter's astonished face.

**Benson Residence**

**Tuesday Night, May 27**

Once inside, Olivia felt the full force of Elliot's fury turn on her. She knew it was coming. But first she had to throw up. She ran to the bathroom, falling to the floor to kneel in front of the toilet, not even taking the time to close the door behind her. Barely making it before the contents of her stomach made their way up and out, she heaved until there was nothing left. Through it all, Elliot was there. Just as he had always been. There. Beside her, with her, for her. He rubbed her back as she threw up, handed her a cup of water to rinse the bitterness from her mouth, wiped her face with a cool cloth and gently pushed her bangs behind her ear.

"Elliot...I...don't...know...uh...thank you." She tried to look him in the eyes, but she couldn't. She saw the disbelief, the anger, the hurt.

He _was _angry with her, at her. But mostly he wanted to know what she thought she was doing? What had happened to make her drink so much? But right now was not the right time. He could tell the effects of the alcohol were about to pull her under and he just wanted to take care of her.

"It's okay...you'd do the same for me." He helped her up and tried to smile, but he was so upset he doubted it looked anything like a smile.

"I don't know...why...I just...I...I'm sorry..." He was still holding her hands and she let him. She looked at him, but when his eyes caught hers, she looked down.

"We'll talk tomorrow...you need to get some rest. Think you can change for bed?" He asked, hoping she could, as he guided her from the bathroom to her bed.

Instead of answering, she reached behind and under her t-shirt and unhooked her bra folding it as she pulled it through one arm of the shirt without showing anything improper. Then she unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans and slid them down her legs, leaning over to balance herself by holding onto Elliot's arm. His breath caught and he tried to make himself look away. He didn't. Her t-shirt was long enough that it fell hiding her underwear. Elliot took a deep breath and stretched his head from one side to the other...an attempt to release some tension, that had no affect whatsoever. Olivia thought nothing of it. Certainly not it's affect on Elliot.

"My head is pounding...killing me...and I th-think I'm...going to be sick again..." She leaned into him and he caught her, but quickly moved to pull her covers back for her to get into bed.

"Lay down...I'll be right back." He told her, throwing the cover over her as she climbed into bed.

She could hear him rummaging in the kitchen. He was back in just a few minutes with Tylenol, a big glass of water and a small trash can for her to throw up in without having to get out of the bed. Silently, he held out the pills and water. She took them as he set the trash can beside the bed. He was being so nice to her, she thought, when she knew that what he really wanted was to holler at her.

Sitting on the side of the bed, he leaned over her. When she finished, he set the glass on the night stand and smoothed her hair from her eyes. "Get some sleep, Liv."

He stood and turned to leave but when he got to the door, she spoke. "El?" Her voice, shaky and quiet.

"Yea..." He stopped but did not turn around.

"Don't leave me." The whisper a plea, a question.

"I'm not going anywhere...I'll be on the couch, if you need me." He never turned back to her before pulling the door nearly shut.

Before her head hit the pillow good, she was sound asleep. Peaceful, content knowing she was safe with Elliot watching over her.

000000000000

Rhett could not sleep. Why did he say that to her? 'So.' He was such an idiot. He wanted her to hurt like he did, feel like he did when he saw her with Dean. The opportunity to hurt her was there and he played on it. They both were in their forties and had never been married. Yes, they had been with other people but he had never really thought that much about it before. Never thought about running into someone she had been with before. Now, after meeting her old boyfriend, seeing her with him and knowing they had been together, he could not handle it. The thought of her working closely with him knowing he knew what it was like to kiss her, hold her...he truly could not stand it.

The look on Olivia's face when she told him she had seen him kissing Emily, told him everything he wanted to know, needed to know. She was jealous. But she could not know that there was no reason for her to be jealous. She could not know that, because he made her believe otherwise. He wanted her to believe she had a reason to be jealous. He wanted to know she wanted him. There was no one else in Rhett's life. No one could hold a candle to her. She was all he wanted. All he thought about, dreamed about. She consumed him. Sometimes it scared him how quickly she had become part of him almost as though she flowed through his veins instead of blood.

He wanted to talk to her but she would not answer her phone and he must have called a dozen times. He finally realized she had turned it off. He knew her well enough to know she would not have gone straight home. He would have to wait until tomorrow. Why did he have to say that to her? He really did not blame her for running away and ignoring him. He had basically made it sound she should not have a problem with him kissing someone even though just seeing her with an old boyfriend was enough to make him crazy. And she had not even kissed him.

**Benson Residence**

**Wednesday Morning, May 28**

Wednesday morning Olivia woke to a pounding headache and the smell of bacon. For just a moment, she was puzzled but then she remembered last night. Dean...she was drunk...she let him kiss her...among other things...oh, no...how would she face him today. Had he stayed over? Had they...? No...because, then she remembered the scene in her hallway and Elliot beating up Dean and she was more embarrassed thinking about how she was going to face Elliot...who was apparently in her kitchen cooking her breakfast.

She was still a little queasy, but the worst thing was the headache. A major hangover. This was yet another reason she did not drink much. She picked up her cell phone and turned it on. There were seventeen missed calls, ten from Rhett, four from Elliot, two from Dean and one from Simon. All the men in her life. It dawned on her that she had some kind of issue with every one of them.

Moving slowly so her brain did not move too much in her head, she made her way to the shower. Less than fifteen minutes later, she emerged ready for work. She wore a pale blue tank beneath a brighter blue short sleeve top, brown slacks and a brown blazer. Walking into the kitchen, she was surprised that Elliot was nowhere to be found. A pillow and blanket, neatly folded, lay on the couch.

A plate of eggs, bacon and pancakes covered with saran wrap sat on the warmer eye of her stove. The tea kettle was steaming beside it and a mug and her box of flavored tea sat nearby on the counter. As she got closer, she realized there was a piece of paper folded in half on top of the plate. Her name on the outside, she opened it. 'Liv - Went home to shower and change. Enjoy breakfast. See you at work. - El'. She did not want to admit it, but she was disappointed that he was not there. And relieved that she did not have to face him...yet. She pulled the wrap from the plate and sat down to eat at least a little of the breakfast Elliot had gone to the trouble to make.

**SVU Squad Room**

**Wednesday Morning, May 28**

Olivia was reminded of the saying 'forgone conclusion' as she walked into the precinct that morning. She was never late, but everyone was gathered for a meeting that was already in progress. Looking at her watch, she verified that she was not late, but apparently an earlier meeting had been called. One that, somehow, she did not know about.

Everyone looked her way as she came in and laid her things on her desk, then came to stand near Fin who was sitting at his desk. She tried to focus on Cragen and not all the questioning eyes upon her. Cragen, perturbed that she was late, did not help her out with trying to keep a low profile.

The look he gave her said he would have a word with her later. "Nice of you to join us, Benson."

Nodding once, she felt the heat spreading up her neck and over her face as she blushed. Cragen went back to explaining what they would be doing. Olivia glanced at Elliot, he looked up and smiled very slightly. She tried to smile back. Turning away, she looked straight into Dean Porter's eyes. The bruise on his jaw and his discolored eye were unmistakable. He looked ashamed, upset and he could not hold her stare, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, as he stood at the front of the group, just off of Cragen's left side.

Elliot watched as she and Porter exchanged glances. He smiled to himself as he checked out the damage he had inflicted on Porter's face. He would have done a lot more if Liv had not asked him to stop. But, he was satisfied with what he saw.

Taking a seat on the edge of Fin's desk, she heard Cragen talking, but the events of last night were swirling around in her head and she did not comprehend a thing he said. Several minutes later, Fin poked her and she realized Captain Cragen was addressing her.

"Sir?" There was no way to pull off acting like she had any inkling what he said.

"I asked if you agreed with Dean, that starting an investigation into Vinny Sollecito was warranted at this point." Cragen's eyes bored into her.

"I...uh...I..." It was obvious she was missing a key piece of information. Who was Vinny Sollecito? She felt the heat of a blush filling her face again for the second time in less than ten minutes.

"I'm assuming Elliot filled you in on the call from Mona Petrovsky..." Cragen shifted his eyes from Olivia to Elliot, questioning what the heck was going on with two of his best detectives. It was clear she had no idea what he was referring to and he had no idea why her partner had not informed her of a major break in the case.

"He...uh...I..." Olivia started, raising her eyebrows at the captain. She turned her eyes, meeting Elliot's, bewilderment plain upon her face.

Elliot, dressed much the same as Olivia, in a light blue shirt with his brown slacks and tie, was leaning against a file cabinet with his arms folded across his chest. He now stood up straight. "No, Sir. Something came up...with the kids...I was unable to tell Olivia about Petrovsky calling with information about Sollecito. I'm sorry, Sir. And it's my fault she was late...I never told her about the early meeting either."

Cragen looked between the two of them, sensing Elliot was not being completely truthful. He knew all of his detectives thought they could pull the wool over his eyes at times, but in reality, very little escaped his attention.

"See to that you fill her in as soon as this meeting is over." Cragen's tone was serious as he looked from Elliot to Olivia and then back to Elliot.

"Okay...I'm turning the meeting over to Agent Porter. He has some things to tell you." Cragen stepped to the side as Dean stepped up.

Looking around at everyone, he began laying out the plans for the next phase of the investigation. After several minutes of explanation, he came to the crux of the plan. "So, we feel the best way to find the evidence we need to link the Tarasov rape, Kushnir murder, EIS, Gavlik and the mob is through an undercover operation."

"Undercover? Who? Can't be any of us...we all been in the field on this and got that threat and it sound like they know us all..." Fin frowned as he sat up, folded his arms and leaned across his desk.

"Everyone hasn't been in the field, Fin. That's why Elliot will be going under as a Chicago businessman, the owner of several bars interested in setting up a business like Gavlik's." Cragen interjected as everyone turned toward Elliot.

Olivia nearly fell off the desk. Elliot undercover? Without her? Against the mob? They had done undercover stints without each other but not like this. Not against the mafia. Her stomach, still not quite recovered from last night, fought the nausea that threatened to overcome her.

"Agent Cerek will be his Ukranian associate. We're fortunate that he actually has Ukranian ties and speaks fluent Russian." Dean held his hand out toward Matt Cerek, as Matt nodded.

"All right, people. Any questions?" Cragen looked around, eager to end this meeting.

Munch being Munch raised his hand. "Yea...I've got a question for Agent Porter."

"Yes, Detective Munch." Porter turned toward him, ready to answer.

"What's the other guy...or is it gal...look like?" Smirking, he looked over the rim of his dark glasses, at the stunned Dean Porter.

Cragen's disapproving glare at Munch caused the group to stifle the laughter, snickers and whispers that spread among them as Porter tried to down play his irritation and embarrassment.

"Hard to reason with people who like to solve things with their fists." Porter said sarcastically, as he looked at Munch, then picked up some files and followed Cragen into his office.

Elliot's smirk, Olivia's fidgeting discomfort and their furtive glances did not escape Munch's attention. He smiled to himself, realizing he had some undercover work of his own to do on the side.

Olivia went to her locker and Elliot followed her on the pretense of getting something out of his.

"How you feeling?" He opened the door of the locker.

"Aside from a splitting headache...fine." She stole a quick look at him. He had on brown and blue, too.

"Hmmm..." He nodded, playing with something inside the locker.

"Listen...El...thanks for...being there and..." She looked at Dean sitting in Cragen's office, then back at Elliot. "...and saving me from myself."

"No problem." He grinned. "Wanna talk about why and how you got into that situation? Not like you, Olivia." Now, the look on his face was that of last night. Disbelief, anger, hurt.

She opened her mouth but the words did not cooperate. She sighed and looked away. Finally, she spoke. "Rhett and I had a fight...I think...I think we broke up..."

"You think? Didn't you talk to him? What happened? That is, if you want to tell me." He closed his locker and leaned his right shoulder into it.

Another loud sigh escaped from her. "He saw me at lunch with Dean...and...well, you know how touchy-feely Dean can be..." As soon as she that, she felt Elliot tense and saw the anger in his eyes. "Sorry...I guess I need to get to work..." She turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm, holding her in place.

"Not yet...finish telling me." His jaw clenched and she was not sure she wanted to continue this conversation with him here or anywhere.

"Can we go somewhere more private?" She asked, looking around.

He looked around, too. "Yea...go up to the roof. I'll meet you there in five." He went to his desk and sat down.

**16****th**** Precinct Rooftop**

**Wednesday Morning, May 28**

Five minutes later they were on the rooftop looking out over the city. The day was overcast, the threat of rain in the humid air.

"Okay...you were telling me about Rhett seeing you with Dean...what was Dean doing?" Elliot reminded her.

"You know how he is...he was all over me." She seemed embarrassed telling him.

He understood exactly why Rhett would have been upset. He was still seething over the images that were seared in his mind from last night. Olivia was right. Dean _was _all over her. Of course, last night, she was all over Dean, too.

"And you? You were..." He didn't know how to ask, but she understood the question.

"I was innocent! Unlike...last night..." She sighed and ran her hands through her hair.

"Okay...okay." He stood with his hands on his hips.

"When we were leaving, we ran into Rhett and his co-workers...I was going to hug him, but he seemed different...like he didn't want me to...so I hung back. There was a woman with him, Jen he told us, and they were trying to make it look like they had something going on. At first, I thought there was, but then I saw her engagement ring." She explained.

"He saw you with Dean and tried to make you jealous with this...Jen woman?" Elliot could see doing the same thing. They all acted like a bunch of seventh graders when it came to the affairs of the heart.

"Yea...I tried to talk to him, but he said we'd talk later. He never called me so I called him and left messages twice. He still didn't call. So, I went over there...I saw him kiss another woman..." Tears welled in her eyes.

"Jen?" Elliot was losing the story line now.

"No...a different woman. This one was blonde, too, but taller and thinner. When I told him I saw him kiss her...he said... 'so'...I haven't talked to him since. He called me four times, but now that I did what I did with Dean last night...I...I just can't talk to him right now."

"How'd you end up with Dean last night?" He had wondered about that all night and all morning.

"Went to LoJo's for a couple of beers...Dean found me, one thing led to another and we were going to my place when you intervened." She raised her eyebrows at him, in an apologetic way.

"So...you were upset with Rhett for kissing someone else, you are not even sure about all the details, and you were going to pay him back by _sleeping_ with Dean?" Elliot sounded incredulous that she could do that.

"No! No! I...I don't know. I was so screwed up last night, Elliot! I mean...every time I care about someone they...they end up pushing me away...or I push them away...and I really...really want things to work out with Rhett. And I didn't want to be with Dean...he was...he was just there and I needed someone. I needed comfort." She was on the verge of tears, thinking about how pathetic that sounded. How pathetic she sounded.

"So...you'd sleep with anybody that paid a little attention? I thought you cared about Rhett?" He could not wrap his mind around that concept. He had been with one woman his entire life. This made him angry.

"Like you have never done it, Mr. Holier-Than-Thou!? Never had sex with someone when you cared about someone else?" She did not miss the implication of his last question and her anger was on the rise.

"You know Kathy's the _only_ woman I have ever been with!" He was getting angry, too. Not so much that she was accusing him of doing the same thing, but that it seemed she had no scruples about jumping into bed with anyone for any reason. But, if he were honest, yes, he had sex with someone when he loved someone else. The last couple of years, _every_ time he had sex with Kathy, his wife, he felt like he was cheating on Olivia.

"Are you saying that I'm some kind of whore because I've been with more than one man?" She was nearly hollering now. Her eyes were narrowed and black with anger, like coal.

"No! I'm just saying I wouldn't lower myself to have sex just because I needed comfort!" Elliot's eyes were like pits of blue fire, his jaw clenching as he leaned over her, nearly in her face.

Throwing her head back, sarcasm dripped from her laughter. "Oh, you wouldn't, huh?"

Even as he glared at her, he had the fleeting thought of what it would feel like to lean down and take advantage of her exposed neck, kissing it. "No, I wouldn't."

"Why is Eli here? If you're so much better than me, why did you have sex with Kathy after Royce killed his family? After you had signed the divorce papers?" After you had told me how much I meant to you, that you couldn't take it if something wrecked our relationship, she wanted to ask. She glared at him, almost able to see the wheels turning in his mind.

"At least, I had an emotional investment with her and she wasn't some piece of trash I picked up at a bar!" He retorted.

She cringed at his words, slowly nodding. "So...am I the trash, Elliot, or the guy I bring home?" She was still mad, but now hurt weighed into her response. Immeasurable hurt that he would think of her like that.

"If the shoe fits..." Sarcasm filled his voice, as a smirk played at the edge of his lips.

The deafening crack as her hand met his left cheek, was the first indication she had that she even thought about slapping him. And she slapped him hard. Elliot stood like a statue, unmoving, unflinching. She watched as the red imprint of her fingers appeared on his face. Tears welled in her eyes and spilled over before she turned and ran.

The sound of her running footsteps across the shingled roof, the squeaking as the door opened and the slamming that followed, told Elliot she was gone. How could he have insinuated that he thought the woman he loved more than anything, was a slut, trash? Yes, she was gone. And he feared she was not just gone from this roof, from his presence, but from his life.

**A/N: **_Thanks for your encouraging words. The reviews are great...even when they are telling me something I can do to improve the story or my writing. I DO appreciate everyone who reads and remember...when I get rich and famous, if you reviewed my stories, I will give you a cut of my riches! LOL!! " ) Bensler_


	14. Assumptions

**Chapter 14 - Assumptions**

**SVU Squad Room**

**Wednesday Morning, May 28**

Olivia stopped by the ladies room to wipe her face and try to fix her makeup. She could not believe how things went with Elliot. She thought she had finally gotten off that roller coaster ride. One minute they are made up, getting along fairly well, well enough for her confide in him about Rhett and Dean and then the next minute they are hollering and hurling insults at each other. He had told her she was a whore, trash. Well, he hadn't said it exactly, but it sure as heck was implied. She was absolutely sick and tired of how their relationship was one step forward and two back. She was better off ignoring him like she did when he said those things about her mother.

Coming out of the restroom, she saw the back of Elliot's head...he was at his desk, meaning she had to walk to her desk with him able to watch her. She had hoped to be sitting down when he came back. Taking a deep breath, she headed over that way. Just before she got to where he would be able to see her, Cragen's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Benson, Stabler!" Cragen barked, his face a study in exasperation, sternness and fury as he motioned for them to come to his office.

She raised her head high as she walked past Elliot, keeping her eyes on Cragen. "Yes, Sir."

**Captain Cragen's Office**

**Wednesday Morning, May 28**

Olivia sat down in one of the chairs to the side of Captain Cragen's desk. By the frown on his face, she knew this was not going to be friendly little meeting. Elliot came in and shut the door. He took a seat in one of the chairs to the front of Cragen's desk away from Olivia. This in itself spoke volumes to the captain. They always, _always_ sat or stood next to each other when they were summoned to his office. Or most of the time, for that matter. It was as if they had this innate need to be near each other. Even when they were fighting, they maintained an outer facade of being united. The blue wall, thin though it may be, was always in place. The facade appeared to be crumbling this time.

Cragen's hard stare was long enough to make both of them uncomfortable, evidenced by Elliot's shifting in his seat and Olivia twisting her watch around and around her wrist. "In the almost nine years since I partnered you two, I cannot recall a single time when information about a break in a case was not relayed to your partner in a timely manner."

"Sir, I told you..." Elliot spoke up.

"I don't recall giving you permission to speak, Detective Stabler." Cragen snapped, glaring at Elliot.

Olivia knew he was upset beforehand, but when he called them as 'Detectives Stabler and Benson', she knew he was livid. Glancing at Elliot she saw he was turning red, whether from the embarrassment of being reprimanded or the anger from it or both, she was not sure.

"Now, what happened out there, made the two of you look bad. What's more is it made _me_ look like I don't have control of my unit. I'd be angry even had it been just the SVU crew, but the fact that the FBI was in that meeting, infuriates me to no end." His voice was borderline shouting. He looked at his detectives, but neither would look at him.

"I want an explanation as to why you did not relay the information to Detective Benson." His demanding voice caused Elliot to shift in his chair and sit straighter. "And, I want the truth."

"Sir, I was going to tell her and something came up and ...I'm sorry...it...it just slipped my mind." Sticking to the story he had told earlier, he locked eyes with Cragen.

"That the truth?" Cragen was positive it was not.

"Yes, Sir." His gaze never left the Captain's.

"Detective Benson...you got anything to say?" He turned toward Olivia.

She glanced at Elliot, but he never took his eyes off of the Captain. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head. "No, Sir."

"All right, then. Detective Stabler, when this investigation is over, you will serve a two-day suspension for dereliction of duties. A report will be placed in your jacket for permanent record." He stood up and threw the pen in his hand on the desk.

Olivia's mouth fell open and her eyes went wide as saucers. "Sir, you can't do that..." Standing to her feet, she protested.

"Olivia..." Elliot tried to get her to shut up.

"I can and I just did. If you've got something to say, Detective Benson, I suggest you do so now." He warned, his voice stern.

"Let it go, Olivia." Elliot ground out through clenched teeth, clearly agitated that she was doing this.

"No, Elliot!" Their eyes locked for just a few seconds. She turned back to face Cragen. "Sir, I can't let him be punished for something that was my fault." Running her hands through her hair, she bit her lower lip.

Cragen stood there, silently staring at her, waiting for her to continue. So, the blue wall was still in place after all, he thought to himself.

"He called me...several times. My phone was off. He came to my apartment looking for me. I wasn't home." She explained.

"Olivia...don't do this." Elliot pleaded as Cragen shot him a look that told him he better can it.

She looked at Elliot and then back at the Captain. "He waited on me, but when I came home I was..." Closing her eyes, she paused. "I was drunk...and...I...I wasn't alone...so, he couldn't tell me. And then there wasn't time this morning...and...I'm...I'm sorry, Sir." She felt the heat rush to her face at this confession.

Olivia was drunk? That was not like her. Captain Cragen was a recovering alcoholic and Olivia had talked to him about her mother's alcoholism and he knew she drank only moderately and not very often, so this surprised, as well as concerned him. She said she was not alone. Didn't take much to figure out who was most likely with her. He saw how Dean could not quit looking at her and touching her. And...they used to date. And Elliot could not stand him.

Cragen let the words hang in the air for several minutes before speaking again. "This have anything to do with Agent Porter's black eye and bruised jaw?"

The way Olivia quickly looked away from him and down at the floor and the muscles in Elliot's jaw began jumping was the only answer he needed. "Never mind. I don't want to know." He sighed heavily. "You will both receive a written reprimand for conduct unbecoming of a police officer. Detective Stabler, for lying to me in the first place...Detective Benson, for allowing your partner to lie for you to cover your irresponsibility. Detective Stabler, you're dismissed."

Olivia looked up at the Captain and then Elliot as he headed for the door. "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir." He nodded to the Captain and then glanced at Olivia as he opened the door and left.

Cragen cleared his throat and looked at Olivia. She was still looking at the floor. "Drunk? I'm concerned about you, Olivia. What's going on?"

Surprised by the sudden softness in his voice, she looked up only to find that he was looking at her with the same softness in his eyes. She felt the tears well up and she blinked to hold them back.

"Just some personal matters, Sir." She sniffled and wiped at a runaway tear.

Nodding his head, he reached over and put his hand on her arm. "Well, you know I care about you, Olivia, and I'm here if you need someone to talk to...anytime."

"I know..." She turned to leave, but stopped at the door, her hand on the knob. "Don...thank you."

He smiled as she left. Watching her as she went to her desk and Elliot ignored her, Captain Cragen just shook his head. If he had hair, these two would be the cause of him pulling it out.

**SVU Squad Room**

**Wednesday, Late Morning, May 28**

The morning went by slowly. She reread the Tarasov/Kushnir files two times, making notes of things that they would need to do and follow up on as well as listing things that she thought might link the two cases. Dean and his agents had gone back to the FBI office to work on setting up the undercover assignment. So, at least she did not have to deal with him this morning. Elliot was enough. If he sighed dramatically one more time she was going to throw something at him. And if he asked Fin one more question that she could have answered about their end of the investigation she just might go ask Cragen to make Fin his partner and take her off the case.

She noticed her cell phone showed a missed call and she realized she had turned it off for the meeting this morning. Flipping it open, she saw that she had three more calls from Rhett. He had called her four times before she left for work and twice on the way. She was not ready to talk to him. Moving the mouse around on its pad, she logged back onto her computer and heard the tone signaling she had a new email. Opening Outlook she saw it was from Casey. She clicked on the top email and watched it open.

'_Okay...we need to do lunch or you need to call me! What is going on? Sam just calledand said he talked to Rhett earlier and Rhett told him he thought you two broke up, but he wouldn't give Sam details. Sam said he is really upset and sounded so down. Call me! " ) Case_

Before she could hit the 'reply' button, someone called her name. "Delivery for Ms. Olivia Benson." She looked up but all she could see was a huge arrangement of flowers moving toward her. It was by far the biggest, most beautiful bouquet she had ever seen.

"That's Benson over there." Lake motioned her way.

The teenage boy sat the flowers on her desk, while she stood there stunned and speechless. Munch finally stepped over to the delivery boy and handed him ten bucks. "You owe me, Olivia."

Elliot tried hard to ignore the flowers but it was quite impossible because they were so huge and everyone, especially all the women, had to come see and smell them and make some disgusting comment. 'Oh...they are so beautiful.' The secretary said. 'Way to go, Benson! He's a keeper!' An attorney passing through told her. 'What did he do that he had to send these?' One of the male unis asked. 'How do you know it wasn't because of what _she_ did?' A female uni answered and every one laughed as Olivia turned red and Elliot silently fumed.

Finally, the novelty wore off and every one went back to work. It was then that Olivia pulled out the card and read it. Elliot pretended to be working, but he was watching her out of the corner of his eye. As she read it, he saw that her eyes were shining with unshed tears and he noticed as a smile started at the corner of her lips, until it lit up her face. He wanted to know what in the heck that card said. Olivia saw if was handwritten in Rhett's big, fancy scrawl. She read to herself:

_Foolish - lacking good sense or judgement, as in 'Rhett can be a very foolish man at times.'_

_Stupid - not very bright, as in 'Rhett was stupid to let Olivia think he did not care.'_

_Jerk - a stupid person, as in 'Rhett was a jerk to treat Olivia like he did.'_

_Beg- ask earnestly or humbly for something, as in "Rhett is begging Olivia to please talk to him, just talk_.

_Please, Olivia - Rhett_

Elliot saw her put the card back in its envelope and slide it under her desk mat. Just as she sat down and glanced at him, his cell phone rang. He checked the I.D. and saw it was Kathleen.

"Hey, honey. What's up?" He asked, turning away from Olivia.

"Okay...second road on the right...okay, babe...give me fifteen minutes. Yea. Love you, too."

Oh, please, Olivia, thought to herself. With his 'honey and babe and love you too' she knew he was trying to push her buttons again as if he had not had met his daily quota earlier.

He logged off and stood up, pushing his chair under his desk. "Kathleen's car is broke down...she's suppose to be at work at 11:30. Tell Cragen for me."

"Yea...sure." She replied without looking up. Okay, so maybe he wasn't trying to push her buttons. Yes, he was and then make her feel bad for making the assumption he was talking to Kathy. That was button pushing at it's best. A double dose.

His keys in his hand, he stood there a moment longer. "Listen, Liv...I...uh...I..."

"What?" She looked at him now, curious.

He ran his hands over his head and sighed. "Nothing...just...nothing." He left

She opened another report on the Tarasov rape and began reading. A few minutes later, Fin rolled up to her desk in his chair. "You got a visitor, girlfriend." He nodded at the doorway and whispered.

Her head snapped up in the direction of the double doors and there stood Rhett. She thought her stomach hit the floor about the same time her heart jumped in her throat and her lungs constricted making the air around her seem too thin, too little. She stood as he walked over to her.

"I see you got the flowers." He motioned toward the bouquet.

"Oh, yea...I got them..." She smiled.

"Rather obscene bouquet, huh? I didn't realize it would be so large." He ran his finger over one of the flowers

"They are beautiful...and they were a big hit when they arrived...everyone had to come see them, even people from the other floors." She touched a flower, too, and his hand reached out to cover hers.

"Olivia, will you let me take you to lunch so we can talk...please?" His eyes were so blue, so sad, so irresistible. It didn't help that he had on a royal blue polo shirt with his khaki shorts that really made his eyes more gorgeous than ever. Just as gorgeous as Elliot's. At least when Elliot's weren't full of anger...which was rare these days.

It felt so good to have his hand on hers. "You know I can't refuse you after these flowers..." She teased him.

He laughed and kissed her hand. "They promised they would work or my money back."

**Benson Residence**

**Wednesday Lunchtime, May 28**

Olivia suggested they get something and take it to her place so they could talk in private. They decided on deli sandwiches. She got plates down while Rhett opened the bottles of water and laid out napkins and chips. They sat across from each other at her small dining table and made small talk about the weather, the traffic and politics. When they finished, Rhett cleared the table and Olivia wiped it down. As she squeezed out the cloth at the sink, Rhett came and leaned against the counter beside the sink and looked at her.

"I don't really know where to begin..." He watched her squeeze the cloth again and drape it over the divider between the two sinks.

She dried her hands on the dish towel and turned toward him leaning her right hip against the counter. "How about the beginning...when did you first see me and Dean?"

"When we were at the crosswalk, waiting on the light to change. I heard you laugh and he had his arm around you and you put yours around him...and I felt like someone had punched me in the gut." He was looking at the floor, remembering how it felt.

She vaguely remembered that and knew if the situation were reversed she would have been upset, too. "Rhett, I'm sorry. I can imagine how it looked. You know Dean and I used to date, but I am not interested in him that way. We were able to remain friends and I had not seen him in a several months and I am not going to lie to you...it was good to see him again."

"Okay, I can accept that the two of you are friends. But, the guy was all over you...and...and you didn't seem to mind at all..." He needed her to understand how it made him feel.

"Yea...Dean is a touch-feely kind of guy." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, I didn't know how to deal with it other than to try and make you jealous, too." He told her.

"With Jen. That's a really nice engagement ring she has, by the way." She looked up at him knowingly and grinned.

"So...you knew what we were doing? Man, I really feel like an idiot, now!" He could not help but laugh and she joined in.

"Not at first...I took the bait. I was going to hug you and introduce you to Dean, but then you acted weird, like you did not want me to and that really confused me and hurt me..." She tried hard not to let the tears burning her eyelids make their presence known.

"Olivia, I am so sorry..." He _was _sorry. He would take it all back and do the day over completely different, if he could.

"Dean even said later that you sure didn't act like my boyfriend...I wanted to smack him for saying that..." She held up her fist and shook it.

Rhett grabbed her fist and kissed the outside of it and then opened it and placed several kisses in her open palm and gently closed it back. "For later, when you need a little something to remind you I _am_ your boyfriend."

"Rhett..." She was touched by his thoughtfulness, his unusual way of showing he cared for her.

"I promise I'll act like the best boyfriend ever from now on, if you will just give me another chance!" He pulled her to him and hugged her.

"You said we'd talk later...but you never called and never returned my calls...and then when I came to your place... and I...I saw you kissing that woman, I _was_ jealous. And so hurt, Rhett. Who is she? Do you care for her?" She shook her head. "You don't have to answer that, Rhett. I'm sorry. We never agreed to be exclusive...and you...you have the right to kiss or date anyone you want..." She was getting upset now and having a hard time breathing.

"Olivia, you are the only one I want to kiss...the only one I want to date." His voice was tender and she heard and felt his sincerity.

"Then why...why...did you kiss her? She must mean _something_ to you." Now, there were so many tears were pooling in her eyes and she could do nothing to hide them.

"She does mean a lot to me...she's my sister, Emily." He told her, waiting for the anger he was sure would come. "I kept her son, my nephew, Joey, while she took an art class at the museum. Her husband is out of town."

So that was the kid in the car. "Your...sister? Your sister? You kissed your sister and let me think it was another woman! How could you do that?" She was angry now, but then Dean's face flashed before her and dancing in the bar and the scene in the hallway. She could not be angry with him given what she had done.

"I don't know...it just happened. When I saw how upset, jealous you were...I couldn't help but remember how Porter was all over you and I wanted you to think I had someone else, too. I am so sorry, Olivia. It was juvenile." He sounded like he was upset, too.

"Oh, Rhett." She sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Since we are clearing the air, I have some things to tell you...and please just promise me that you will try and understand how I felt last night and the state I was in...please?" She begged.

Dread washed over him, filling his stomach with a sourness and his heart with fear. What could she have done? He had to be calm, had to try to put himself in her position. "Olivia...just tell me."

"After I saw you kiss...your...sister...and you told me 'so'...I was devastated. I mean, I kept telling myself that I had no claim on you and you certainly had none on me if you were kissing someone else...so..." She let out a hard breath of air through puckered lips and rubbed her neck.

"You didn't go home, did you?" He asked, knowing that she did not.

Shaking her head, she answered. "Stopped off at a bar just down the street...LoJo's...had four or five beers...was pretty wasted when Dean found me. He wanted to take me home and..." She tried to explain.

Rhett immediately made assumptions. "You slept with him?" His eyes wide and full of disbelief and pain.

"No! No! He wanted to take me home, make sure I was safe and leave me. I...I wanted to dance and he finally did...and...and, well...we started kissing and...and you know...uh...touching...and he said we needed to go to my place...and we did...but..." She felt so ashamed having to tell Rhett these things.

His stomach was tightening and he thought his lunch was going to reappear at any minute. He stepped closer to the trash can, unable to look into her eyes anymore. "You...you let him take you home? You _were_ going to sleep with him, weren't you?"

"Rhett...I was so drunk...so...out of it...so hurt...I..uh...I honestly...I don't know what would have happened if Elliot had not been there." She continued.

"Elliot? Elliot was there?" He was confused now.

"Sitting outside my apartment...there was a break in the case...my phone was off and he came looking for me and waited. He beat Dean up for trying to take advantage of me...being drunk and all...and helped me get settled and he stayed the night to watch out for me." She finished her story, knowing it created a whole lot of questions, but at least she had told Rhett everything. Nothing could come back later to trip her up again.

He was quiet. Very quiet. His mind was running in a thousand directions. All he could see in his mind was that Olivia had run straight into the arms of a former lover. He wondered if this was something she would do every time that they had a fight. Then he checked himself, knowing he was unfair to think she would do that. This was his fault because he was the one who started the game playing. He tried to make her jealous, first with Jen and then his sister. And it worked. She was jealous and hurt. He hurt her. He told her it didn't matter that he kissed another woman and that hurt her deeply. She felt like he had pushed her away and did not want her. She was just reacting to that hurt by falling into the arms of an old boyfriend. An old lover. And her partner spent the night? Did he have two men to do battle with over Olivia, he wondered? He wasn't sure how he felt right now. Part of him was furious at her for so easily turning to Dean. And part of him wanted to scoop her into his arms and tell her he understood and forgave her and would she forgive him for pushing her into those things.

"Rhett...please tell me you understand..." Her voice held the beginning of fear.

"Why, Olivia? Why did you run back to him?" The whisper of his voice was low and quiet.

"I didn't run to anyone, Rhett. _He_ found _me_...he was there...I needed someone to want me and he was there. That's all." She had the distinct feeling this was not going to turn out in her favor.

"Needed someone to want you? I want you, Olivia...I'm not enough?" He asked, tears in his eyes now.

"You pushed me away, Rhett...all my life people have pushed me away. My mother pushed me away because I reminded her of the rape...my first boyfriend, fiancé pushed me away because my mother threatened to keep him from graduating college. Over the years I built up walls...it was easier to never get close to anyone than to be hurt when they left me. And they always, always leave me..." She whispered, a faraway look on her face.

Rhett watched her, silently, aching for her, almost feeling the pain of rejection she had suffered all her life. The pain of rejection he, too, had inflicted upon her.

"For years I never got close to anyone or let them get close to me...but then, he did it. Somehow, he got next to me, under my skin...and I didn't even know what he was doing. Little by little he tore down my barriers, wall by wall...until one day I realized I was standing in the rubble of what used to be my life and he had become so much a part of me, that I could not figure out where he ended and I began...we were that entangled...and when his wife left she took all the boundaries we had set up...and he told me he cared...but then he pushed me away and went back to her...and I never want to feel that kind of hurt again...never..." She spoke softly, almost reverently.

The look in her eyes was almost as though she were in a trance, in another world oblivious to Rhett. He was not even sure she knew she was speaking out loud or that she realized he was there.

"Who? Olivia, who?" He thought she was talking about Dean but was not certain.

"Elliot..." She whispered and the sound of his name broke her trance and she looked at Rhett.

"And then with Dean...I thought I was ready to take a chance again...I was so tired of being alone...so tired of not mattering to anyone...but when he wanted more...all I could think of was how bad it would hurt when he left me...when he was gone...I knew I couldn't go through that again...I pushed him away...and then I met you..." She looked at him and the tears she had been valiantly holding back, fell down her cheeks. "Oh, Rhett, I don't want to push you away...please say you understand, please forgive me, please don't push me away, don't leave me!" She fell sobbing, into his arms, clutching wildly at him and he held her to him.

Rhett truly felt her pain...he understood much more about this woman Olivia Benson from her confessions. He understood and he forgave her. He wanted nothing more than to be with her, love her, share his life with her. Whether or not she knew it yet, he was as entangled with her as she had felt she was at one time with her partner.

"It's okay, baby. I'm not going anywhere. I understand and I forgive you and I am not pushing you away, Olivia. I'll never push you away. Never. I want you right here with me. By me." He wrapped his arms around and held her until sobs finally stopped and her body quit shaking.

**SVU Squad Room**

**Thursday Morning, May 29**

Elliot still could not believe he was gone when Rhett came by the precinct yesterday. He had conjured up all sorts of images in his mind and really wanted to see what his competition...uh...Olivia's boyfriend looked like. It didn't help that everyone that had met him said good things about him. While Olivia was gone to lunch...with Rhett...he had gone and sat down at her desk pretending to be going through a file on her desk, but really looking for the card from the flowers. He found it. And read it. And nearly gagged. The guy knew how to get to a woman and Elliot now knew why Liv went to lunch with him. Some things are better left unknown. Now, sitting at the back of the group, he watched her every movement, the expressions on her face, the way she kept brushing her bangs from her face, even the way she clicked the ink pen. She was beautiful.

Olivia and Fin had begun their investigation into the life of Vincent 'Vinny' Sollectio, the third man that had been with Zhanna Tarasov the night of her alleged rape. They relayed what they had learned to the SVU crew who were gathered for the usual morning briefing. Mona Petrovsky had overheard Luka and Boris talking and realized the man they had no name for was Sollecito. She had called the precinct and talked to Fin. Vinny was the youngest son of Giuseppe Sollecito, and by most accounts, his father's favorite son. Vinny and his wife owned and ran several print and copy shops. His 'official' title for the Sollecito family business was the Director of Budget for the Giordani Group, meaning he oversaw all of the finances of the group. Other than the fact that two of the bars were co-owned with Gavlik, Olivia and Fin had a hard time figuring out just what the relationship was between the two men. Fin leaned toward the idea that Sollecito had something on Gavlik, Olivia was not so sure.

The clicking from the pen in her hand as she opened and closed it provided background noise for her presentation.

"Our plan today, is to talk with Zhanna Tarasov again to see what she might tell us about our friend Vinny. And, Munch, if you and Lake will visit Vic Gavlik again, ask him about Anatoly's traveling habits. We need to find him soon. That's all I have. Fin, got anything to add?" Olivia now rolled the pen in between both of her hands as she looked at him.

"Nah...I ain't got nothing...you covered it all, girl." Fin saluted and grinned at her. She popped him on the shoulder.

"Captain..." She nodded toward Cragen.

"Dean is going to explain the status of the preparation for the undercover operation." Cragen motioned toward Dean.

As Olivia went to sit down and Dean moved to the front of the group, they passed each other and their eyes locked for a brief second. They still had not talked since Tuesday night and things were pretty awkward between them. She knew they would have to have a reckoning soon, because they were both leads on this case and could not avoid talking and working together for ever.

Dean began telling the SVU crew what was going on. Though his superiors liked the idea of Elliot being undercover as a bar owner and Agent Cerek being his associate, they wanted to hold off on it. They had an idea of working the undercover from a different angle in the hopes of getting more information from the bottom up. Sending in undercover agents from the FBI as Ukranian women that already lived in the U.S. and wanted an education but were having a rough time securing jobs and places to live, they would create easy prey for Gavlik.

They weren't sure if Gavlik would go for it but they felt if they could get their agents in place and see, first hand, the process whereby these young woman get sucked into Gavlik's scheme, it would answer a lot of questions and help with the set up of the main undercover operation with Elliot and Cerek. The bad thing about it, Dean said, is it would postpone Elliot and Cerek's operation from two to four weeks.

Olivia, glancing over at Elliot, did not think that was a bad thing at all. Her stomach tied its self in knots at the thought of him doing this alone. Alone meaning without her there to watch his back. It was not even nine in the morning and he already had his sleeves rolled up and his tie loosed. He was so handsome, she thought. Not even aware that she was staring, she blushed when she realized he had turned and was now staring at her as a slow, knowing smirk played at the edge of his lips. She knew by the look on his face, he had taken the liberty of making assumptions as to what she was thinking. Assumptions that she was sure would cause her to blush even more.

xxxxxxx

**A/N: **_Getting there, slowly but surely...thank you for the reviews! You guys are awesome! For those wanting the EO _**now**_...sorry...you should know by now that I enjoy emotional torture, extreme mental distress and great anxiety. Yours, that is! LOL! " ) Bensler_


	15. Always

**Chapter 15 - Always **

**Stabler Residence**

**Friday Evening, May 30**

"Any breaks on the case?" Kathy asked, out of the blue.

They were watching 'Monk'. Well, Kathy was watching 'Monk'. Elliot was sitting beside her thinking about his favorite subject. Olivia. She was meeting Rhett at a play tonight to celebrate their one month anniversary. Gag. He had overheard her telling Lake about it. To save time she had brought her clothes to change into after work. He had seen her dressed up before, but tonight, tonight she was absolutely stunning.

The dress was a red silky material, with a hint of sleeves coming off the shoulder leaving her neck and most of her shoulders bare. The neck line plunged, showing more cleavage that he would have wanted his girls to show and he wasn't very happy about Olivia doing it either. The hem was just above her knees, and she had done that wild, sexy, tousled thing with her hair again. He had seen her in this dress a couple of times before and he was not sure what was different tonight, but she looked like a model. She was beautiful.

Maybe it was the deep tan she had developed over the last few weeks. He heard snippets of her and Rhett's sailing adventures. Or could it be the glow that seemed to radiate from her since she and Rhett had made up earlier this week? He hated to admit it, but that was probably the reason for it. In fact, she was happier than he could ever remember seeing her. Part of him was glad for her, but a bigger part of him, was tormented by the fact that she had moved on. Without him. Anguish filled his heart when he dared to think that the glow about her was love. She was in love with Rhett. At that thought, he literally felt the nausea wash over him and put his left hand to his stomach and his right hand to his mouth. He closed his eyes tightly.

"El? Are you okay?" Kathy sounded concerned.

His eyes flew open, his hand falling from his mouth, he looked over and down at her. "Sorry...what?"

"I asked were there any breaks on the case and you didn't answer...you look sick...are you okay?" She turned to place a hand on his forehead. "You don't seem to be feverish..."

"I...I'm fine...probably something I ate didn't settle well." He took her hand from his head, squeezed it lightly and put it in her lap.

She winced at the action, but said nothing. She had something to ask him, but had not been able to get up the nerve. They sat there a few more minutes, silent. She looked at him and he did seem fine. The color was back and he wasn't holding his stomach. Taking a deep breath, she spoke to him, while keeping her eyes on the television.

"When you left here Tuesday evening, you said there was a break in the case..." She stated quietly.

"Yea...there was...got the name of a suspect." He answered, his eyes glued to the television, too.

"Where did you go?" She was being careful to keep her voice calm.

"I...uh...I went to the precinct. Why?" His voice was steady, though his heart rate kicked up a notch.

He wasn't lying. He _had_ gone by the precinct, just to be sure Liv wasn't there catching up on reports or something or had forgotten her cell. But he also realized Kathy was fishing for something. Trying to tangle him in his own web of deceit.

"Was Olivia there?" She was still managing to talk quietly, though inside she was screaming.

"Uh...no...she wasn't. What's this about, Kath?" As the anger started seeping in, his voice became gruff.

"You didn't come home that night...at all." She turned to him now, her clear blue eyes piercing him.

He just sat there, not looking at her, silent, because there really was nothing to say without lying and he did not lie. Lying was a sin and that was drilled into him by the Sisters at Saint Peter Academy from the first day of Kindergarten.

"Where else did you go?" She was merciless in her gaze, which was beginning to show traces of anger.

"Kathy...why are you doing this? You wanna start a fight about my job again? That it? I've already told you...I'm _not_ transferring to Queens or another unit. I am not leaving SVU! The hours stink! I know that! You know that! Get over it!"

"Did you stay at Olivia's?" She asked quietly, still staring at him, her chin quivering just slightly.

There it was. The real question. He had to answer and she was not going to be happy with that answer. At all. Things were bad between him and Kathy but he just did not seem to be able to make a move to do anything about it. Not with Eli to think about. But he was sick and tired of playing games.

"What do you want me to say, Kathy?" He sighed heavily, looking straight ahead at the television, unseeing.

"I already know the truth...a friend saw you coming out of her building at 5:45 that morning. But I want to hear it from you. Tell me Elliot, did you stay at Olivia's?" Her eyes were squinted but he could see the icy blue coldness in them.

He ran his sweaty hands up and down his jean clad thighs in an effort to dry them. Standing up, he ran his hands through his hair and scratched the back of his head. Turning to look Kathy in the eyes, he answered her. "Yes. But not like you think."

She laughed, but it held only pain, no humor. "Does it even matter what I think, Elliot? Does it?"

"Kathy..." He wanted to explain, but how do you explain to your wife that you love another woman and stayed at her place, but no, it was not like she and everyone else thinks, even though you would not mind it being that way at all.

"Elliot, there's always been this thing with the two you...give it up and admit. So...was she as good as you have dreamed she'd be?" Her words were a vicious snarl, now.

He reached for her and pulled her up by her shoulders, shaking her. "It was not like that, Kathy! I swear to you I have never touched Olivia like that! Never! I have been faithful to you and our marriage vows! Even through two years of separation!"

Kathy just stared at him. "You may have been physically faithful, Elliot, but emotionally, mentally you have belonged to Olivia for years."

She was right. He could not believe she summed up his relationship with Olivia in one short sentence. He did belong to Olivia. In every way that mattered, he belonged to her. But he still had to make Kathy understand there was nothing going on that night.

"Kathy, Liv's phone was turned off...she never does that. I was worried. This has been a tough case. She wasn't at the precinct so I went by her place. She wasn't home. I tried the bar she likes down the street...she wasn't there either. I sat outside her door for over two hours to tell her. When she showed up, she was drunk and had someone with her who was trying to take advantage of her...I...I ran him off. She was throwing up and really drunk and I just couldn't leave her...she never drinks like that...never...she and Rhett had a fight...I slept on the couch and then left that morning when I heard her in the shower. I swear, Kathy, that's all that happened." He hated telling Kathy about Liv being drunk, but saw no way around it.

"Maybe that's what happened, Elliot, but it still doesn't change how you feel about each other..." She sighed, twirling a long strand of her blond hair.

"Kathy, she has a boyfriend...she seems really serious about him...she's happy..." He trailed off, making himself sick thinking about her and Rhett again.

"And you have a wife and five kids...and like I said before, it still doesn't change how you feel about each other." She turned to leave the living room. "Good night, Elliot."

xxxxxxx

**Two Weeks Later**

**SVU Squad Room**

**Friday Night, June 13**

Olivia sat, tapping a pencil on the desk, letting her fingers slide down the pencil, flipping it and sliding her fingers down it again, over and over as she analyzed the last couple of weeks of the investigation. It had been two weeks since the FBI laid out their initial undercover plan. Just over a week ago they had finally gotten their two female agents infiltrated into Gavlik's bar scene. They befriended one of Gavlik's girls and shared their story with her. In a matter of hours, Gavlik had offered them jobs and place to stay.

Dean expected that within a week Elliot and Matt would be ready to start the final undercover operation. She still was not happy about this and had asked Dean if there were any way they could find enough evidence from the female agents and scrap the second undercover stint. He was perceptive enough to know that she was actually worried about Elliot. He knew they had a unique relationship as partners and best friends, but like everyone else that knew them, he could sense there was more there than perhaps even they were willing to admit.

Dean had apologized to Olivia three days after the fiasco in her hallway. He assured her he was about to back off when Elliot made the move for him. Since that night, he had been nothing less than a gentleman around her and she respected him immensely for it. They were slowly getting their friendship back on track and she was glad. She hated being at odds with anyone and she did value Dean's friendship.

She and Elliot were another story. Since that day on the rooftop, she really had tried to just stay out of his way. She spoke when she had to, but idle chitchat was not something she desired with him anymore. It seemed he had this barely controlled anger that was just looking for an excuse to explode and she did not want to be the cause nor the recipient of the fallout of that explosion. She heard rumors that things between him and Kathy were worse than ever, but, well, that was not her problem. Not anymore. Especially, when he no longer confided in her about that or anything else.

Though she had not spoken to Cragen about the on-going tension between her and Elliot, he sensed that things were really off between them and he had switched them up on partners more and more even though Elliot kept asking why he wasn't put with Olivia. She was glad. She was getting too old to play the games she and Elliot played. Besides, nine years was long enough for any game. And she had Rhett and most of the time thoughts of Elliot faded to the background. Most of the time. She still cared about him. Who was she trying to kid? She still loved him. She knew she always would. But she had finally found a way to love someone else, too.

During the last two weeks, Olivia and Fin had talked with Zhanna again and she finally admitted that she was not raped, but that Gavlik had not paid her all he promised and she was angry. She had hollered at him, calling him names and threatened to quit working for him, going against his authority and in front of a bar full of people. He was furious with her and to maintain his authority he ordered Luka and Boris to beat her up, making an example of her.

In exchange for dropping the charge of filing a false report, prostitution, and promoting prostituion, she had agreed to tell the police everything she knew about his elaborate set up and to testify against him when ever the case made it to trial. She was being held in protective custody until then. Olivia wanted to help her get out of that lifestyle she was trapped in and Zhanna claimed she want out of it.

Munch and Lake had finally tracked down Anatoly Gavlik and found out that he _had_ been in Europe. He also had no problem explaining to them how his company, the IES, worked to give young woman a job, living quarters and an education. He denied knowing anything about Zhanna being beat up. They also learned some things about Vinny Sollecito, too. He was a great businessman but a lousy husband. Seems he had a taste for the women and he was not particular about their age as long as they were beautiful and physically striking. Gavlik's girls just made an easy mark when he didn't have time to find someone on his own. Though he was quite charming, he had a mean streak and could be very intimidating. There was a connection between the Gavlik's and the Sollecitos that started years ago, but either no one was willing to say or no one really knew the details.

Olivia sighed heavily and looked up at the clock on the wall over the file cabinets. Nine-twenty three. She was the last one there except for the handful of night shift employees. She should go home, but she didn't want to be alone. It still amazed her that after only six weeks of being with Rhett, it seemed like he had always been a part of her life and now she hated the times they could not be together. She had to go two and half days without seeing him and she hated it.

CNN in Los Angeles had received video yesterday of the war in Afghanistan that needed to be reviewed and edited for use in the current documentary Rhett was working on. But, the man who owned the video refused to release it until he actually met the crew that would edit it. So, Rhett and several of the others working on this project flew out to California this morning. He told Olivia he doubted he would be back before Sunday afternoon.

Sighing again, she logged off the computer, straightened the stacks of files on her desk, picked up a number of pens and pencils scattered across the desktop and took her tea mug to the sink, washed, dried it and hung it over the coffee table with the other mugs. She went to her locker for her pocketbook, locked it back, picked up her cell phone and keys and headed out. Alone.

She vaguely thought about the threat they had received three weeks ago and knew that all the men in her life would be upset that she was alone, at night. She thought that she should get one of the unis to walk her to her car, but then shrugged it off. It _had_ been three weeks and nothing had happened and there had not been another threat. Besides, if a cop isn't safe in their precinct parking garage, then what chance does the general public have, she wondered?

It _was _a little eerie in the garage this late at night, but she made it to her car with no problem and the drive home was uneventful. However, before she made it home, she decided to stop at LoJo's. This case really had her stressed and since she was not going to see Rhett tonight, she'd go to bed early and she thought a beer or two would help her sleep.

**LoJo's Bar and Grill**

**Friday Night, June 13**

Sliding onto a stool at the bar, she waved back at Mike who waved at her from the other end of the bar where he was mixing a drink. She looked around briefly, seeing no one she recognized.

"Hey, Liv...gonna get wild and try something different or you want your ususal?" Mike grinned walking toward her drying his hands on a towel.

"Just the same old boring beer...just need to take the edge off..." She smiled back at him.

He handed her the bottle, twisting the cap to loosen it. "There you go, one beer for one beautiful woman."

"Thanks, Mike." She took the cap off and took a long swig.

Twenty minutes later, she had finished the beer and was trying to get Mike's attention to get another, when without warning another bottle of beer, her brand, with the cap loosened, appeared in front of her.

"This one is on me, sweetheart." A deep, rumbling, yet soothing voice whispered, not in her ear, but close.

A dark complexioned man, with dark hair and eyes, dressed in a very expensive suit, had taken the liberty of buying her another beer and sitting beside her. She sized him up and decided he was quite nice looking, probably Italian, well built, and she loved his cologne, but there was something about him that raised red flags. A bunch of red flags.

Her smile was as sarcastic as her voice. "First of all, I'm not your sweetheart and second of all, if I want another beer, I'll buy it myself." Her eyes caught his and she saw the amusement in them.

"Independent and feisty, are we? Just how I like my woman." His tone and smile were both quite suggestive.

"And I'm not your woman, either." Olivia did not crack a smile.

"I beg your forgiveness, Miss...uh...Miss...I'm sorry...I do not know your name." He smiled and a row of perfect white teeth appeared. He had a beautiful smile.

"Detective." The smirk on her face amused him even more.

"Your mother must have a strange sense of humor to have named you 'detective'." His eyes slowly roamed her body, apparently liking what he saw.

"You shouldn't make fun of the dead." Against her better judgement, she picked up the bottle, twisted the cap off and took a couple of long swallows.

"Oh, I am so sorry...I meant no ill will." For the first time, his smile faded.

"I'm sure you didn't." She told him as she lifted the bottle to her mouth again.

"Your mother...how long has it been?" His concern seemed genuine, though she was sure it was not.

Sighing, she wiped her mouth with her fingers. "Seven years."

"And your father?" He sure had no problem getting personal.

"Never knew him." She replied, shaking her head as a fog began to set in. She had not had that much to drink, she thought. What is going on?

"I am fortunate to still have my parents. I am sorry you are alone." He told her, placing his hand on her arm.

She took his hand and placed it on the bar. "Yea, right." Blinking rapidly, she tried to focus on his face which had suddenly blurred.

"But not sorry that such a beautiful woman is alone in a place like this on a Friday evening." Leaning close to her, he put his arm around the back of her bar stool, barely skimming her shoulders as he did.

She tried to pull away so he would not be so close, but her eyes would not focus and her balance was precarious. She ended up falling into him and the arm behind her gripped her shoulders, the other snaked around her waist. She hated his touch but could do nothing, say nothing. She was paralyzed. The rows of bottles on the shelves in front of her seemed to be multiplying and she suddenly felt very flush and nauseated. She tried to tell the man that she needed to go to the ladies room to throw up and then she tried to get Mike's attention, but her mind could not link words together to form sentences and even if it could, her mouth could not remember how to allow any sound to come forth.

"Your boyfriend...Rhett, isn't it? He is not a very wise man to leave his woman unattended, especially when she is as gorgeous as you are, Detective Benson." He murmured in her ear as he released her to get money from his wallet. He laid down a twenty dollar bill and pulled her up and against him again.

Though her mind roared in protest at the feel of his hands upon, her voice and her body were traitors as they silently, without out resistance, went with him. As he led her out of the bar, she was barely able to stand, much less walk on her own accord. She looked Mike's way again, trying to speak, but the words that she was able to form in her mind, became stuck in her throat as though her mouth was no longer the passage for her thoughts to be verbalized. She sent silent messages with her eyes to Mike, praying, though she was not a praying woman, that he would understand. If Elliot was here, he would read her eyes, he would know and he would help her. Just before the man pulled her into the thick night air, she thought she saw Mike glance at her with a puzzled, worried look.

Somewhere in the dark recesses of her clouded mind, she processed the realization that the man had called her by name and title. He said Detective _Benson_ and she was certain she had never told him her name. And how did he know she had a boyfriend? And he knew Rhett's name. She realized now, too late, that her wariness of the man was because he was fraught with danger. She should never have drank that second beer. She was in trouble and there was not a thing she could do about it. Elliot? Elliot, I need you. Where are you? El? Help me. El? Her mind screamed its silent words.

**Stabler Residence**

**Friday Night, June 13**

"Stabler." Seeing it was the precinct's main number, Elliot figured they just caught a new case. Glancing at the clock on the DVD player he saw it was 10:30. From the comfort of his recliner, he had been watching the last couple of innings of a Yankees game with Dickie.

"Detective Stabler, this is Sgt. Mark Ruiz. "Think there may be a problem. One of the officers got a call from a..." There was a pause as paper rustled. "Mike Overton...he thinks he saw some guy take a woman out of a bar against her will and said we should call you."

Ruiz was new, having transferred from Staten Island less than a week ago and he did not yet know everyone and their respective partners.

Elliot racked his brain for a Mike Overton. "Call _me_? Should I know this Overton guy?"

"He said you'd know him...he's a barkeep at LoJo's Bar and Grill and he said the woman was your partner." Sgt. Ruiz explained.

That Mike! "What?! What time did he call?" He shouted, the adrenaline coursing through his body.

"Called the uni five minutes ago. Relayed the message to you as soon as I received it, Detective." Sgt. Ruiz assured him.

"Yea..yea...okay. I'm on it. Thanks." He ended the call

The fear that washed over him brought with it immediate nausea and caused his heart to beat so fast it made him lightheaded and his head to pound so hard he thought it would split in half. He told himself to calm down. First he needed to call Olivia and be sure this was what it seemed. Shaking, he was surprised he was able to hit one and send the first time. It rang once. Twice, three times. "Come on, Liv. Answer the phone!" Maybe she had turned it off like a couple of weeks ago. Just before going to voice mail it quit ringing and a brief spurt of relief hit him at almost the same time a male voice answered. No. She had not turned it off.

"You are too late, Detective Stabler. She is _so_ gorgeous." His soft laugh was nothing if not evil.

"I swear to you, if you touch her, I will kill you!" Elliot could barely breathe.

"You are in no position to make idle threats, Detective Stabler." The evil laughter filled his ears for only seconds before the call ended.

Few times in his life had Elliot felt true terror, but this was one. Sheer, raw terror flooded his soul, rushing through every inch of his body as though it had become attached to his blood. He nearly passed out with the force and heaviness of this knowledge that Olivia had become a victim. And, dare he think it? Most likely, a special victim. His hands were shaking so bad now, it took several attempts before he finally was able to hit the number two and send. Cragen's number.

xxxxxxxx

**LoJo's Bar and Grill**

**Friday Night, June 13**

"And you've never seen him before?" Cragen asked a visibly shaken Mike.

"No, sir...and I know people. I would have remembered him if he had been in before." Mike looked at Elliot who was pale and looked like he could throw up at any minute.

"He bought a beer...the brand Liv always wants...I didn't think anything of it until later when I saw him sitting beside her and she was drinking the beer." He told them. "I'm really sorry."

"Not your fault, son." Cragen tried to smile at him, but he was as sick with worry as Elliot.

Elliot paced and rubbed his hands over his face. "You trash the beer bottle?" Elliot was surprised he could still think logically.

"Uh...yea...it's in the can at the end...where they were sitting." He pointed toward the end of the bar.

Elliot went behind the bar and went to the far end and picked up the plastic can. "This the one?" There were several dozens of bottles, not all beer nor Olivia's brand and not near as many as there could have been.

"Yea...they were sitting right there behind you." Mike pointed again.

"All right...Mr. Overton, please keep everyone away from that area. I'll have a squad car here in just a few minutes to tape it off. Our Crime Scene Unit will be close behind...they'll dust for finger prints on the bar and bottles and gather any other evidence that might be here." He turned toward his detective. "Elliot? I think we've done all we can here." Cragen motioned for him to come with him.

Outside the bar, the two men stood, both caught up in their own thoughts of what could have happened and how Olivia was taken in by this man. Sirens could be heard in the distance. Elliot's breathing was so deep and hard, Cragen was afraid he would hyperventilate.

He placed a hand on Elliot's shoulder, squeezing it. "Son, you have got to calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down?" He snorted, shaking his head. "How am I suppose to calm down when Liv is God knows where with some slimeball pervert doing God knows what? You tell me how to calm down, Captain. Please!"

"We'll find her, Elliot." Cragen assured him although the last thing he felt was assurance.

"You don't know that...how can you know that..." He trailed off, hoping that Cragen was right.

A squad car pulled up and behind them an unmarked car. Fin, Munch and Lake got out and came up to them.

"Cap'n..what's going on?" Fin asked, the concern written all over his face, glancing at Elliot and knowing from him that whatever it was, it was bad.

Cragen had only told them to come to the bar and that there was the possibility of a kidnaping. He did not tell them Olivia was the victim. He started explaining the situation. There was enough shock to go around and the questions started before he had even finished telling them everything. All of them cautiously glanced at Elliot to judge his mental and emotional status. They all knew it was not good.

"How do we know for sure she didn't go willingly leave with this man?" Munch asked quietly, hoping this was not at all what Cragen and Elliot thought it to be. Olivia was like a little sister to him.

"What's that suppose mean?" Elliot's hissed as his head snapped in Munch's direction.

"She's single, in a bar. Women meet men in a bar...they go home with them...that's all..." Munch knew Elliot did not want to entertain the idea that Liv dated, much less picked up someone in a bar.

Cragen stepped in quickly, hoping to derail what could become a fight. "The bartender was adamant that she appeared to be extremely drunk, but that she had less than two full bottles of beer. It takes four or five for her to be noticeably impaired."

"Must have slipped her a roofie..." Lake commented, understanding where this was going and now deeply worried himself. Liv was his friend.

"Think this is related to that threat we got?" Fin frowned, feeling sick to his stomach.

"It's possible, but with what the man said to Elliot...it could be any of the perps that have something against Olivia and be totally unrelated.

"Elliot talked to the man? How? What'd he say?" Lake asked, not sure he wanted to know.

When Cragen told them about the man answering Liv's phone and repeated his words, Elliot let out a sound that was something between a grunt and a scream of pain, a primal roar of sorts, and doubled over, his hands on his knees, head down, his breathing erratic.

The other four men looked at each other, all thinking the same thing. Elliot was on the edge. If anything happened to Liv...it would send him over quickly, completely and quite possibly, permanently.

Munch was standing closest to him and he took a step to his side to put his hand on Elliot's shoulder. "We're gonna tear this city apart to find her. She'll be okay. Olivia's strong, but you gotta be strong for her now. She needs you, man."

After a minute or two, Elliot stood up, nodding his head and wiping tears away, a haunted look in his eyes. The other men tried not to look at him. CSU arrived at that moment and Cragen took them into the bar to explain what he needed from them. The detectives followed them. When Cragen was finished with CSU, the detectives were all standing around watching the technicians. Lake the newest detective in the SVU was thinking about what their next move would be, when something came to his mind.

"Uh...hey, Captain? Has anyone been to Olivia's apartment? You know, just to check out if anything is out of place there?" Lake asked, looking at Cragen.

They all looked at each other like they could not believe they had not thought about this, being the seasoned detectives that they are...especially Elliot and Cragen.

"Why haven't we thought of that?" Elliot exclaimed. "I've got a key to her place."

They jumped into the police cruiser, Munch driving, Elliot in the passenger seat and the others in the back and sped toward her building two blocks away. Before the car came to a complete stop, Elliot was out of the car leaving the door open and taking the steps two at a time. Hands shaking, he used the emergency key Olivia had given him years ago, to gain entrance to the building.

Not willing to waste time waiting for the elevator, that may or may not work, Elliot tore off up the stairway to the third floor, the others close behind. Taking the key to her apartment, he slid it into the lock. Pausing, he looked over his shoulder at the Captain and the others, their eyes, filled with worry, fear and dread, silently telling him they were all thinking the same thing. Please don't let anything have happened to Olivia. Their Liv. Opening the door slowly, they all had guns drawn, ready to defend, protect, capture or...heaven forbid, avenge.

"Liv? It's me..." Elliot called out quietly, to the empty silence. No reply.

The apartment was in order, nothing seemed out of place. Nothing until Elliot noticed Olivia's gun and badge laying on the bar counter that separated the kitchen and living room. She never left her gun lying about...she always, always put it on the night stand by her bed, the badge next to it. Something _was_ off. It was just as this thought came to mind that he realized the gun and badge were lying on top of a neatly folded stack of clothing. The clothing she had worn that day.

xxxxxxxxx

A/N: Oh, man! This is getting good! LOL! All right...I don't want to have to pat myself on the back..I actually enjoy your pats much better! Let me know what you think! " ) Bensler


	16. Anymore

**Chapter 16 - Anymore **

**Benson Residence**

**Friday Night, June 13**

Elliot, lowering his hand with the gun, walked over to the counter and started to touch Olivia's badge with his left hand. "Elliot! Don't! It needs to be dusted for prints." Munch hollered and stepped toward him.

His hand, inches from the badge, froze in midair and slowly fell back to his side. "Yea...yea...I know. I know."

What was wrong with him? He _did_ know that. But, somehow in his mind, touching the badge that was always clipped to Olivia would be touching her. And he needed to touch her right now. Desperately. To feel the warmth of her skin, her body, to know that she was okay.

Fin and Lake were turning back from the living room, Cragen was staring at the bedroom door, which was pulled to, but not closed all the way. "Elliot?" He nodded once toward the door.

Elliot, still staring at the pile of Olivia's things on the counter, turned to face Captain Cragen. He saw the door that had the captain's attention and walked over to it. The other four men once again raised their guns, ready for whatever may lie behind that door. Elliot, his hand on the knob, took a deep breath and slowly pushed it open.

At the sight before him, his knees buckled and had it not been that he still had hold of the door knob and door, and for Fin right behind him who helped hold him up, he would have collapsed on the floor. His heart forgot to beat, his lungs did not remember how to draw air and the blood rushing to his head with a mighty roar made him dizzy. From the low light of the bedside lamp, he could see her. There on her perfectly made up bed, lay Olivia, stripped of all clothing but a black lace camisole and matching panties. Lying on her back, her legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle, her painted red toenails were a mockery of what, in any other circumstance, would have been a peaceful scene. Her left arm lay straight at her side and her right, bent at the elbow and draped across her stomach. Placed in her hand, was a single, long, stemmed, red rose. Beautiful. She was absolutely beautiful, he thought and she looked so peaceful, but was it in sleep...or was it in...death? He could not tell and Elliot did not think he could survive the answer.

Captain Cragen, glanced at Elliot and then back to Olivia. He felt the cold fingers of fear gripping his heart and he had to swallow several times to hold back the vomit that sought escape from his churning stomach. Munch and Lake were behind him at the doorway. Fin was still holding on to Elliot. Even as close as the captain was, only ten or so feet away, she did not appear to be breathing. Elliot obviously would not or could not make himself go to her. It was apparent that even minimal functioning was not an option for him anymore. Not at this moment. Cragen took over.

"Call a bus!" He shouted.

"Already got one on the way, Captain. And CSU." Lake told him.

In a couple of long strides, Cragen was at Olivia's side, his hand on her neck, feeling for a pulse. Looking over his shoulder, he called out. "Got a pulse. It's weak and erratic." Leaning down he listened to her heart. "Heartbeat's the same. Olivia? Can you hear me? Olivia?" No response.

He could not think of what to do for her, because he was not positive what had happened. She did not appear to have any external physical injuries and they assumed she had been drugged, but with what they did not know. Rohypnol, GHB or some other form of a date rape drug, was their guess, and if so, there was really nothing they could do for her at the scene and depending on the drug, not much that could be done medically other than monitor her heart and breathing. Cragen was pretty sure she would be none the worse for leaving her just like she was for CSU, and the pictures of the scene may prove helpful later.

In the shock of seeing her lying there, Cragen did not notice that laying all around her were 8 x 10 photos of her and a man taken in her apartment, apparently from the building across the street. There were dozens of pictures, taken on at least three different occasions, judging from the clothing they were wearing. Pictures of them standing in her living room hugging, sitting on the couch with their arms around each other, kissing, one of Olivia lying with her head in his lap, one of them playing cards sitting on the floor, another of them sitting on the floor at her coffee table with chopsticks eating Chinese food. Surprisingly, there were two pictures of them in her kitchen...the man was making coffee and Olivia turned to him laughing. Someone had a very powerful camera. Cragen was sure the man was Rhett from his build, but in every picture his face had been blotted out with a black permanent marker.

Elliot, finding renewed strength in the fact that the captain had found a pulse and heartbeat, slowly came to her side. He reached down and tenderly touched her left cheek with his right hand, softly caressing it. It was warm and soft and he was so thankful she was alive, he did not bother wiping away the tears that began streaming down his face. He watched as one fell onto her cheek and trailed down the side of her face and disappeared into her hair. Then he realized her state of undress and was immediately thrown into protective mode. He saw a black silk robe lying on a stool by her bed. He picked it up and went to drape it over her.

"Elliot. CSU has to take pictures...they'll be here any minute." Cragen said quietly, understanding Elliot's need to cover her up.

"But...she...she shouldn't be like this...I can't leave her...for...not for everyone to see...she'll beat my...I need to cover her up..." He sounded so lost, so unlike Elliot, the strong, confident detective.

"It will just be a few more minutes and then you can cover her...okay?" Cragen pulled him away from the bed.

As though he conjured them up with his words, an unfamiliar voice called out. "NYPD CSU...Captain Cragen, are you here?" It didn't take them long to get there, since they were just down the street at LoJo's.

"In here." Cragen responded. As they filed in, Cragen spoke again. "Do what you have to do but hurry. Detective Benson needs medical attention and a bus should be here any minute. So, take pictures as quickly as possible, bag the evidence and clear the room." Sirens could be heard in the distance, becoming louder and louder.

It took only a few minutes for the techs to do their job. Once the pictures of the crime scene were taken and the photos of Olivia and Rhett, and the rose were bagged, they left the room to concentrate on the rest of the apartment. Elliot covered her with the robe and sat on the edge of the bed beside her, his right hand took her left and held it as he leaned down, taking in her still form and peaceful face. Though it seemed like hours had passed, in reality it had been roughly ten minutes since they had stepped into Olivia Benson's apartment, found her and CSU had arrived. Now, the sounds of more people arriving could be heard.

"FDNY Emergency Services. Got a call of an officer down..." A deep voice stated.

"This way." Lake, standing at the bedroom door, motioned them toward him.

Elliot was in a trance. He did not hear the EMS technician asked him to move, even though he repeated it several times. He could not take his eyes off of Olivia and he did not want to let go of her. As long as he felt the warmth of her hand, he knew she was alive. She was okay.

Finally, Munch stepped over to Elliot and put his hands on his shoulders and whispered to him. "Elliot...EMS is here. They need to get to Olivia so they can help her. You got to let her go. Come on."

Elliot slowly let go of Olivia's hand and leaned over and kissed her forehead. "You're gonna be okay, babe. You're gonna be okay. I'll be right here." He whispered, breathing in the scent of her shampoo.

Cragen explained that they were pretty sure she had been drugged. The techs immediately went to work on Olivia, assessing her, checking her heart rate and blood pressure, putting her on oxygen and inserting an IV to get some fluids in her.

"If it's a date rape drug other than Rohypnol, there is no antidote. Just gotta watch her closely for the next twelve to fourteen hours. Depending on the amount and kind, she won't remember a thing." One of the techs told Cragen as Elliot and Munch stood nearby listening.

"And if _it were_ roofies..." Lake asked from the doorway.

"Then they got somethin' called flumazenil that will help." Fin told him. Fin being a former narc agent knew all about drugs.

"Yes, it will help lessen the effects of it, especially on her heart and blood pressure as well as bring her out of unconsciousness sooner, in about seven hours instead of ten to twelve." The EMS tech explained.

One of the CSU techs stepped back into the bedroom. "Captain Cragen...did one of our techs process and document the bathroom?"

"Uh...I'm not sure, but I don't think so." Cragen answered, looking at Munch, who shook his head. "No, it wasn't."

"Danny? You want to get the bathroom." The tech turned to talk to someone in the living room as he left the bedroom.

Danny came in with a camera around his neck and headed to the bathroom. As soon as he turned on the light, he hollered. "Captain Cragen...Sir, you're going to want to see this."

Cragen, Elliot and Munch went to the bathroom doorway. Taped to the mirror was a note. 'Consider this a warning. Cease the investigation or there is more to come.'

"Well, that answers one question." Munch said, peering over his glasses at the note, as the other two looked at him.

"On the count of three...one, two, three." One of the techs called to the other two who were moving Olivia from the bed to the gurney.

The detectives watched as one of their own was taken care of by Emergency Medical Services. Elliot, sidestepping Munch and Cragen, went to Olivia's side and picked up her right hand. "I'm riding with her." He said to no one in particular.

Of course, you are, Cragen thought. Was there any question that you would ride with her? Stay with her? That you will be there when she wakes up? "We'll meet you at the hospital."

"We're going to Bellvue." One of the EMS techs told them.

xxxxxxx

**Bellvue Hospital**

**Friday Night, June 13**

Being a Friday night, the emergency room was crowded and loud. Ten minutes was about all Cragen could take with his already jangled nerves and nearly maxed out stress level. He asked was there somewhere else they could wait and after he flashed his badge, someone came and showed them to a smaller room down a hallway to the right of the ER. There were a worn couch, several chairs, and a small dining table with a television taking up most of the room on it. Probably an employees' break room of sorts.

Munch and Fin sat down on opposite sides of the couch. Lake sat at the table and fiddled with the television. Cragen stood, looking out the window that showed part of the ER bay but mostly the bricks of another wall. There had been no sign of Elliot, and Cragen was positive he was refusing to leave his partner's side. Twenty more minutes passed and just as he looked at his watch for what seemed like the hundredth time, the door opened and a woman stepped in, looking around.

"Are you here for Detective Benson?" She was young, probably an intern, Cragen thought.

"Yes. I'm her...Captain...Don Cragen. These are her colleagues. How is she doing?" He asked, instantly attuned to her.

"I'm Dr. Wynn. She is still unconscious. We expect that to last another seven to eight hours, possibly longer. Her vital signs are as stable as we would expect given the combination of the drug and the alcohol. And even though she had less than two beers, there is really no way to know how much of the drug she ingested. We have given her a dose flumazenil which will help to stabilize her blood pressure and heart rate." At this point she was interrupted by Fin.

"Flumazenil? Then it was Rohypnol..." He stated, a frown creasing his forehead.

"I'm sorry...yes...a urine analysis confirms that Detective Benson was given Rohypnol...best known as the date rape drug. Which brings us to a slight problem..."

"Problem?" Cragen asked, lifting his head slightly.

"Yes. Detective Stabler is refusing to give permission for us to do a rape kit. He is her next of kin and we have to have permission." She looked questioningly at the Captain. Munch, Fin and Lake all traded looks.

"Take me to him." Cragen opened the door and held it for her.

She looked at the men who were already lining up to follow their captain. "I'm afraid there is not room for all of you..."

"Oh...okay...as long as we know Liv is all right...just let us know as soon as you know something...we need to get that kit to our M.E. for DNA analysis and get started on the investigation, anyway." Munch straightened his tie and smiled at the doctor.

Cragen followed Dr. Wynn out and down the hall. He saw Elliot standing by Olivia's bed, holding her left hand in both of his, his eyes narrowed as he watched the medical personnel around her, checking her pulse, listening to her heart, readjusting the IV.

"Elliot..." Cragen waited, hoping he would look at him. He did not. "Dr. Wynn tells me you are refusing permission for a rape kit. Want to tell me why?" Cragen asked quietly as he came to stand beside him.

"No need. Look at her, Cap'n. Not a scratch on her. She wasn't raped. She'd have fought like hell and would have all kind of bruises and cuts and all. She's beautiful. She was not raped." Elliot was adamant about this.

Cragen frowned, not quite sure what was going on. He nodded and stepped to the side, motioning for the doctor to come away from the bed. "Detectives Benson and Stabler have been partners for the better part of a decade. They are very close and to be honest, I am not quite sure what to think of his statement. We work in the Special Victims Unit, so it's not like he does not understand what could possibly have happened to Olivia tonight."

"Captain, it is not at all unusual for people to go into shock when someone they love has been the victim of a crime. That is what we are seeing here. He loves her and is in denial that this horrible thing could happen. He may even feel guilty for some reason. But we need to do that rape kit...the sooner the better." She told him.

All Cragen heard was the doctor telling him that Elliot loved Olivia. Of course, he did. He knew that. He had known it for years. He just never put it that way. Never came right and said it out loud. But there is was. A blaring truth that was always hidden in the silence of denial.

"Captain, do you think he would accept something to take the edge off and help him relax? I do believe he is in shock." She looked over at Elliot, who was simply staring at Olivia, still holding her hand.

"Let me talk to him again." He walked back over to him.

"Elliot...we know from the drug testing that Olivia was given Rohypnol...the date rape drug...just to be sure, a rape kit _has_ to be done..." He spoke calmly, yet firmly.

"No...no...look at her...she wasn't...she..." Elliot was getting agitated, his breathing faster and harder. The thought that she had been violated was something he simply could not process.

"Son, what would Olivia want you to do? Huh? She'd want you to do whatever you can to find out who did this to her. The rape kit may help you be able to that, you understand? And it may show that she was _not_ raped. But, we have to know." He squeezed Elliot's shoulder lightly.

"Okay...yea...you're right. I'll sign." He whispered, and finally, looked away from Olivia to his captain. His eyes were red rimmed and Cragen was not sure if it was from crying or exhaustion or both. But he did know that Elliot needed some rest

He signed the paper and when the doctor made them leave so they could do the kit, she offered him something to help him relax, and surprisingly he agreed, took the small yellow pill and within minutes was dozing in a chair just outside Olivia's room. Captain Cragen pulled up a chair and sat beside his detective.

xxxxxxx

Three hours later, Elliot stirred, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He seemed confused at first when he saw Captain Cragen. Suddenly, it all flooded back and he jumped up from the chair.

"Liv? How is she?" He could see her from the hall through the open door. She looked as she had when they found her. Peaceful.

"The same. Still out of it." Cragen stood up and stretched.

"How much longer before she wakes up?" Elliot asked, looking at his watch. "After three a.m. We've been here four hours."

"The doctor said she could be out seven to eight hours, maybe longer. When she starts coming out of it, the doctor said she would be restless, combative even and they might have given her something to make her rest." Cragen followed him to Olivia's bedside.

Elliot brushed the hair back from her forehead and trailed his fingers down her cheek. Then, as though he realized what he was doing in front of the captain, he jammed his hands in his front pockets of his jeans.

"Why don't you go on home, shower, get something to eat, see your family..." Cragen didn't know why he was even wasting his breath saying this and Elliot proved him right.

Elliot's head snapped toward Cragen. "I'm not leaving Liv." Then he had another thought. Rhett. "I guess we should...we should let that guy she's been seeing know...about..."

"He's in L.A. on business. There's nothing he could do. By the time he caught a flight and got here she'll be out of the hospital. He'll be home Sunday afternoon, anyway." Cragen now brushed her hair back. It seemed he had a need to touch her, too, just to feel the warmth of life in her.

"How'd you know that?" Confusion, filled Elliot's eyes.

"She told me." Cragen looked at her lying there and hoped that she could sense how much they all cared about her.

Elliot stared at the Captain and then turned his eyes back to Olivia. It seemed that everyone knew more about her and her private life than he, her partner, did anymore. He did not like it, either. Not one bit.

xxxxxxx

**Bellvue Hospital**

**Saturday Morning, June 14**

By eight thirty in the morning, Olivia was completely awake. She had started coming round about two hours previous and was restless but not really combative, so the doctor opted to let her come out of it without additional medication. She had even had a piece of toast and some juice. Elliot had tried to get her to eat more, but she said was not all that hungry. He knew he had to push her to get her to eat but if he pushed too hard, She would not eat anything. So, he was satisfied with the toast and juice.

"Why am I in the hospital?" Olivia looked at Elliot, her big brown eyes wide, as she asked again for the third time in twenty minutes.

"You were given Rohypnol in your beer last night, Liv. At LoJo's...you remember being there?" Elliot told her again for the third time as she shook her head. She looked so innocent, so childlike.

He looked over at Dr. Wynn, who writing in Olivia's chart. The doctor sensed he wanted to ask her something and she was pretty sure what it was. She hung the chart on the foot of the bed and walked over to him as he stepped away from the bed.

"How come she can't remember what I've told her minutes ago? I can see her not remembering last night, right off..." His face held worry, his voice concern.

"Short-term memory loss is common, but it should clear up...in a few hours or a day or so...and she should start remembering what happened last night before she was given the drug long before that...I'd like to keep her until late afternoon, early evening." The doctor told him.

xxxxxxx

Late in the morning, Cragen and Munch came to visit. In the course of their conversation with her, they threw in questions, trying to find out what she remembered of last night. She was not much help. She remembered the man and described him, but he could be any one of the thousands of Italian men in the city. She remembered him talking with her and giving her that beer and she remembered drinking it and trying to tell Mike, the bartender something. But, after that she did not remember a thing.

Elliot stood to the side, watching, listening and becoming angrier with every passing minute. What was she thinking? She should never have been out alone. Didn't she learn her lesson from that night with Dean? And accepting a drink from a stranger? She was a cop, for Pete's sake! A Special Victims Unit detective! She absolutely knew better! How could she have been so careless? Yes, he was angry. Angry at her for being so foolish. Angry at the man that drugged her. Angry at himself that he was not there to protect her, to have her back. The fury was building and he knew he had to calm down.

"I...uh...need some air...going for a walk..." He said to anyone who was listening.

He walked a couple of blocks from the hospital and stopped to sit on a bench in front of a small playground. He could not get out of his mind the image of some man drugging Olivia and taking her against her will, touching her, breathing on her, removing her clothing. He thought he would go insane just thinking about these things. Thank God she had not been raped. He honestly did not know how he would have handled that news. As it was, when they found this man, when not if, he thought he would be able to kill him with his bare hands and never lose a second of sleep.

He wanted to be the one to take her home when they released her today, and he wanted to stay with her, if she would let him. He did not want her to be alone. If he was going to do this, then he really needed to go home to see his family a bit, shower, eat and rest a little. He hated leaving her for even a short while, but he knew he had to, if for no other reason than to placate Kathy, though he was pretty sure it was way too late for that.

Coming back into her room, he saw that Fin was there now. "Listen, I need to go home for a bit...but I don't want to leave Olivia by herself..."

"No problem, man. I just got here...I'll stay with her...Lake said he was coming later...someone will be here." Fin slugged him playfully in the arm.

"Elliot..." Liv looked at him, with what he thought was fear, in her eyes.

"Yea..." He took a step closer to her bed.

She didn't want him to go, but she looked around and saw that everyone was looking at her. "Never mind..." She swiped her bangs back with her right hand and leaned farther into the pillow.

Elliot nodded and left the room, the fact that she did not protest having someone stay with her told him a lot. It told him she was afraid. He did not think he had ever known her to truly be afraid. For the sake of appearances, he would have to spend a little time with Kathy and then he would get back to the hospital as quickly as possible.

xxxxxxx

**Los Angeles, California**

**Saturday Morning, June 14**

Rhett had tried to call Olivia several times last night and then again this morning. But with all the meetings he did not have time to dwell on the fact that he had not been able to get through to her. He did leave several messages. Probably on a case or something. Maybe he would call Casey the next time he got a break and just see if she had heard from her or could get in touch with her and have her call him. He could not wait to get back home and see her again.

xxxxxxx

**Stabler Residence**

**Saturday Morning, June 14**

"So, you couldn't find two free minutes to call and just let me know you were still alive?" Kathy asked the minute he walked into the kitchen.

She did not waste any time getting the fight started, he thought. "Well, if I was alive, my fellow brothers in arms would have been at the door to give you that good news, so since they didn't, you could be sure I was still kicking." He was being downright mean and he knew it. He simply did not have the time, the strength nor the inclination to fight with Kathy right now.

"Elliot! How can you say something like that?" She was startled at his flippant remark and turned from her task of making sandwiches to look at him.

"Look, Kathy. I came home to see everybody for a little bit, get a hot shower, change, eat and head back to the hospital..." He explained as he unclipped his badge and put his gun in the lock box.

"Hospital?" She looked at him, wondering what part of the conversation she missed.

"Uh...yea...uh...I didn't tell you, did I?" He realized then that he had not talked to her since he left the house last night. Well, that might be part of why she was so mad.

She shook her head. "No...is someone hurt?"

"Liv...she was given a date rape drug and she..." He started to tell her.

"She was raped? Oh, my..." Kathy's had flew to her mouth and she put her arm around her waist.

"No! No...she wasn't...it was a threat...we think it was from the same person or persons that made that threat against the whole SVU a few of weeks ago and..." He was interrupted again.

"Threat against the whole unit? Why didn't you tell me?" She was incredulous that he had withheld this from her.

"I...uh...I thought I did..." He shrugged.

"Well, you didn't." The anger was flashing in her eyes now.

"Sorry...anyway, Liv can't be left alone. Fin's with her now, Lake's got her covered after that, and then I'm going to get her settled at her apartment when they release her later today." He saw Kathy tense at the words and braced himself for her wrath.

"Why can't someone else take her home?" She cut the sandwiches in half so that they made two triangles.

"I'm her partner." He leaned against the counter and watched her, the mother of his children, his wife. He did not want to be there. He wanted to be with Liv, taking care of her.

She was silent for a long minute. "Are you going to stay with her?"

"I told you she can't be alone right now." He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed.

"I thought she had a boyfriend...why can't he stay?" She put the knife in the sink and stretched her arms away from her body as she gripped the side of the counter with her hands.

"He's in L.A. on business...be home tomorrow...then he can stay with her." He told her, shaking his head to rid his mind of the image of another man being in Olivia's apartment, taking care of her, touching her, kissing her. Don't go there, Stabler. Just do not go there, he repeated over and over to himself.

"How convenient for you." Kathy's voice was sarcastic as well as angry.

He didn't care anymore. He was sick of everything between them. "Yea...isn't it." She whirled around to looked at him, her eyes wide and her mouth agape. A smirk spread across his face as he turned and went upstairs.

xxxxxx

**Benson Residence**

**Saturday Evening, June 14**

The click of the lock as he turned the key, echoed loudly in the hallway. He opened the door and stood to the side, a silent invitation for her to enter first. She stepped into her apartment and went to turn on the lamp on the living room table. Turning slowly, she faced Elliot.

"Thank you for staying with me last night and today and bringing me home..." She could barely look him in the eye. She knew he was angry at her, she was angry at herself, and sooner or later he was going to unleash his anger upon her.

Elliot looked her over. She wore the black track pants and a red T-shirt Cragen had grabbed last night from a pile of laundry on top of her dresser, yet to be put away. Even with her face clean from any makeup, she was an extraordinarily beautiful woman. He had trouble taking his eyes off of her.

"No problem." He snapped. His eyes narrow bits of steel, boring into her.

"Elliot...just go ahead and get it over with." She crossed her arms, an unconscious attempt at protecting herself from the onslaught she knew was coming.

He did not even bother with pretending he had no idea what she was talking about. Instead, he took several long strides stopping less than a foot from her. For just a minute his eyes, midnight blue, seething with anger, glared into her soft, liquid brown eyes that were filled with apprehension of the verbal lashing she knew she was about to receive.

Even with his first words, his voice was loud. "So, you accept a drink from a complete stranger? That was downright stupid, Olivia! You _know_ better!"

"Elliot...the beer had the top on it...it was loosened like Mike always does, but not all the way off..." She wanted to make him understand.

"You're losing your edge, Benson! Maybe you can't have a relationship _and_ do your job! Maybe you need to dump Rhett! Or maybe you need to find another job! You go out alone after being told not to..." He bellowed, the rage raw, untamed, uncaring of the damage it inflicted upon her.

She was so shocked at his words, his utter rage, she could say nothing to defend herself. She had seen him angry, raging like a bull, but this was different. This was unlike anything she had ever seen from him and she was intimidated by him...just a little. She had never been intimidated by Elliot Stabler, not for one second. It made her realize his nickname around the department, the UnStabler, was more than appropriate.

The veins in his neck are pulsating with the rage that is ripping through him. Without her boots on, she seemed much shorter, smaller and he is towering, leaning over her, emboldened by her seeming weakness and his exaggerated strength.

He continues with his tongue lashing. "What _were_ you thinking, Olivia? Oh, excuse me! _If_ you were thinking, you would _not_ have been out _alone _in a bar knowing the threat that was against our unit! You were told not to go anywhere alone! But, oh, no...St. Olivia, Super Woman of the NYPD, she knows better than everyone else. Not only does she go out to a bar on a Friday night alone..._alone_...she flirts with a complete stranger..."

She had been looking down at the floor, trying desperately not to cry. But at these words, her head snapped up and she was instantly ready for battle. Her eyes suddenly deadly black with her own fury. Her arms dropped to her side and she balled her hands into tight fists.

"I was _not_ flirting with him! I was minding my own business, having a beer! He...he came to me!" She hollered, matching the tone and loudness of his voice, as she glared at him.

He threw his head back and snorted. "Uh-huh...so he came to you and then _you_ came _on_ to him, right? That how it happened? You tease him a little, Olivia? Huh?" Elliot gritted his teeth as he spat the words at her. He knew he was losing control, but he could not stop. He kept seeing this man, all over Olivia, and her laughing, egging him on.

She raised her right hand, intending to slap him, but he was quicker and grabbed her by the wrist, jerking her up until her face was inches from his. Up came her left hand trying to push him away. But he was solid, immoveable and he grabbed that hand as well, trapping them both between their bodies. Their faces were so close, she felt the heat of his breath as he hurled the next words at her.

"Tell me, Olivia. Tell me how you came on to him, how you let him touch you, how you touched him, how you kissed him. Tell me how you liked it! How you wanted more! How you didn't want him to stop!" His breathing was rapid and shallow as the fury within him obliterated any sense of common decency, any rational thought process.

Elliot was vaguely aware that he was mixing up how he imagined the scene from the bar last night and the night in the hallway when Olivia and Dean had been all over each other. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He knew he was blaming Olivia for what happened to her last night. And he should not. But he did.

"Elliot, no! No! It...it...wasn't...I didn't want him to...to...I didn't k-kiss him...I didn't...it wasn't like that...it wasn't..." She began to cry, her shoulders shaking beneath his hands, her body trembling.

Tears stung his eyes, too, but the anger was still there. Though she was now shaking uncontrollably, he shook her harder, screaming at her. "Don't you realize what he could have done to you! He could have raped you or worse!! He could have...he could have...killed you? Don't you realize that, Olivia? You could have died...and I...I...don't...I would never forgive myself...I could never...live...without you...Olivia, without you...I would never get over...losing you...I...I wouldn't make it." His voice cracked with emotion and trailed off, his tears falling from his eyes. As his mind absorbed that the heartbreaking sound assaulting his ears, was her crying, all the anger suddenly drained from his body. He suddenly wanted, no...needed to protect her. From everything. From strangers. From the world. From him.

She was crying so hard, she was beginning to sob. She was nearly limp beneath his hands. If he let go, she would crumple to the floor. He pulled her to him and held her head to his chest with his left hand, his right on her back. "I'm sorry, Liv...oh, Liv...I am so, so sorry, baby. Shhh...shhh..." He whispered, his voice now soft, soothing.

He held her until her body calmed down, until the shaking stopped. He held her until he felt her arms slowly lift and go around his waist and her hands lay flat against his back. They felt like hands of fire, burning through his shirt and searing their imprint, her mark, into his body. He moved his right hand up and down her back, finally traveling up and tangling his fingers in her hair. Instead of pulling away or knocking the crap out of him like he fully expected. She fell into him, molding herself to his body, trembling again, this time softly and for a totally different reason.

She had imagined, dreamed and fantasized about this, being in Elliot's arms, for most of the time they had been partners. And now here she was. In his arms. She wasn't dreaming...not anymore. This was real. The feel of his muscular body against hers, the warmth radiating from it, the smell of his cologne, the feel of the stubble of his beard against her forehead, his hands in her hair and caressing her back, though foreign to her, yet so familar, so comfortable. She felt like this was where she had belonged. She could stay like this forever. She began to caress his back, a trail of fire following her hands. Slowly, he pulled her away, brushed the bangs from her face, then cupped her face with his hands. Gently, he ran his thumbs over her face, wiping her tears away. For each one that he wiped away, he replaced it with a soft kiss, on her eyelids, her cheeks, her jaw, her chin.

He pulled back from her again, just far enough that he could see into her eyes. They told him everything he had ever wanted to hear her say. Words had always been unnecessary for them, for there were no words to describe what was between them, what they were to each other. Olivia was Elliot and Elliot was Olivia. They were one. They had been for a very long time. He gazed into her eyes, she into his, and slowly, ever so slowly, he leaned down, pulling her closer, his hands around her face, as she put her right hand behind his head and guided him as their lips met in a tender kiss of sweet surrender.

**A/N: **_And everyone said... "Awww..." Sigh, sigh! Makes me want to date him!! Not that I didn't want to already! LOL!! Whatcha think? Whatcha want? I want reviews, please. " ) Bensler _


	17. Ability

**Chapter 17 - Ability**

At any minute, the alarm would sound and he would wake up. At any minute he would learn this was just another of his many dreams. But, the warmth of her body against him, the sweetness of her lips, the scent of her shampoo, told him it was not a dream. He really was standing here in Olivia Benson's apartment, holding her in his arms, kissing her. And, what's more, she was kissing him back. Not just letting him kiss her, she was responsive to him. The first few kisses were gentle, soft, tentative in their unsureness, their newness. However, it did not take long for those kisses to give way to deeper, more confident and demanding ones fraught with almost nine years of repressed feelings. He had never been kissed like this. Of course, his experience kissing was limited, since he had been married for over half his life. He just knew that kissing Kathy, or Dani, was nothing like kissing Olivia.

Even the shrill ringing of her home phone, did not distract them from each other. She could not get over how right it felt to be in Elliot's arms, even though she knew it was morally wrong. He was married. She had a steady boyfriend. But nine years of loving him from a distance had taken its toll on her ability to resist him. And they had never really touched before, let alone kiss. And his touch instantly shattered all the barriers she had constructed to protect her from emotional annihilation. She realized now why they did not touch. Perhaps he had known this would happen, too. But, after the events of last night and how close they had come to never having the chance for this, it was too much. Too much to ignore. Yet, she knew they had to continue to do just that, just what they had for the last eight or nine years.

Ignoring the phone, it went to voice mail, the beep resonating through the apartment, as the answering machine came on and a deep voice filled the air. "Hey, Babe. Called several times...getting a bit worried...you must be working on the case or something...just wanted to let you know, I'm catching an earlier flight, so I'll be back in New York around lunch time. I've missed you so much, Liv. Can't wait to see you. Call me." Rhett's voice was full of excitement and enthusiasm.

Olivia immediately stiffened at Rhett's voice and pulled away from Elliot, although he still had his arms around her. What was she doing? Standing here kissing her partner, a married man, when she had a boyfriend she was becoming quite serious about and cared about very much. She pictured Rhett's face if he were to walk in and see them and she suddenly knew that no matter how right it felt to be in Elliot's arms, it was wrong. She could not hurt Rhett like that and she did not want to lose him. She could not cheat on him and she definitely could not let Elliot cheat on Kathy. She, wiped her lips with her hands and broke his hold on her as she took a couple of steps back from him.

Rhett's voice had a familiar quality to it, but Elliot had never met him or talked to him. Without her saying a word, he sensed what was happening. The sound of Rhett's voice brought her back to the reality of her life. His life. She was seriously involved with Rhett. Elliot was married to Kathy. Neither of them had any right to be with each other in this way. He knew that, but he did not want to face that reality. Not right now. He just wanted to hold her close and feel his arms around her and hers around him. They did not even have to kiss. He just wanted to be near her. Even as these thoughts filled his mind, he felt her slipping away from him. Literally and figuratively.

Olivia let out a deep sigh full of agony and regret. "El..." She looked at him, her big brown eyes sorrowful.

"Liv..." His eyes searched hers for answers he already knew.

Biting her lower lip, she could still taste him, still feel his mouth on hers. She raked her hands swiftly through her hair. "What are we doing, El?" The words were a mere whisper.

"What do you mean? You don't know what we were doing?" He was trying to lighten the situation because he really did not want to hear what he knew she was going to say.

"Elliot..." The tone was her warning to him.

"What do you want me to say, Liv?" He reached out and tucked her bangs behind her ear. "We held each other and kissed and I'm not sorry we did."

"Well, I _am_ sorry we did!" She stepped further away to get away from his touch.

"Olivia? Why?" The look on his face showed he was hurt by her statement.

"Because, Elliot. When I had only dreamed of you holding me, kissing me, it was bad enough knowing it would never happen...but now...now..." She trailed off, crossing her arms over her chest as she turned to look out the window.

"But now...?" He walked over to her and put his arms around her, his chest to her back. She's dreamed of this, of them being together? Dare he hope it could ever work out?

He was surprised and relieved when she did not pull away. He inhaled deeply, taking in the mixture of her shampoo and what was just Olivia. He would be fully satisfied to hold this woman forever and day. He knew she felt the same, by the way she pressed into him.

When his arms slipped around her again, she simply could not resist. She sighed heavily and leaned back into him. She knew she had to put a stop to this, that they could not do this. But she was weakened by the things he said, the concern he had over nearly losing her last night and her own desire to finally let him know how she felt. Somehow, she needed to reach within and find that strength, the ability to do the right thing once again. Push him away. Distance herself from him.

"Now...now that I know what it feels like to have you against me, your arms around me, what you taste like, the smells of your cologne and soap and you and what your heart sounds like with my head on your chest...oh, El...now that I know these things, it makes it so much more painful and more difficult to live without you..." She tried to pull away from him again, but this time he held her tight.

"Who says you have to live without me?" He whispered softly in her right ear.

She closed her eyes tightly, opened them and pull away quickly. "You're married, you have a seven month old son. I have Rhett whom I care about deeply. We can't do this, Elliot. We can't. You need to leave. Now." Tears were already running down her cheeks.

"Liv...please...don't do this?" Panic began setting in as he realized she was distancing herself from him.

"Don't do what, Elliot? Keep you from honoring your marriage and Kathy? Keep me from jamming up the first real relationship I have ever had...from hurting Rhett?" Her eyes held his and the sadness in them ripped at his heart.

He tried to come close to her again...he wanted to hold her one more time. She stepped away, never breaking their gaze. "Please, El...just go...please."

He stared at her for a long time, not at all sure he had the ability to walk away and leave her. Finally, he nodded. "Will you be okay alone?" He knew Cragen put a detail on her apartment although she was clueless about it for the moment.

"I'll be fine." She told him as she watched his eyes fill with unshed tears.

He went to the door, unlocked it and stood with his right hand on the door knob and his left palm flat on the wood above the knob. For a short moment, he stared at the floor and then turned, looking over his shoulder at her, standing there looking as lost as he felt. He thought his heart was breaking.

When her eyes met his once again, he spoke. "I'm not sorry, Liv."

He opened the door, stepped out, closing it softly behind him. She waited just a minute before she went to the door and locked it. The tears poured from her eyes and the sobs racked her body as she leaned against the door and cried out his name over and over. "Elliot...Elliot...El...El..."

He leaned on the other side of the door, not wanting to leave, wanting to at least stay near even if she wanted him gone. Shortly after she thought he had left, he heard the clicks of the locks sliding into place and he knew she was there. Three things between them, two and half inches of wood, a wife and a boyfriend. Then he heard her sobs and the ragged sound of her voice as she called his name was again and again. Now, he _knew_ his heart was breaking, because he heard as it shattered and the pieces fell to the floor of his soul.

xxxxxxx

**SVU Squad Room**

**Sunday, Late Morning, June 15**

Lake had just come back with the reports from CSU, handing copies to Munch and Elliot. His black T-shirt and jeans made him look like a studio grip. He laid one on Fin's desk who was gone to get sandwiches for them. He took off his shoulder holster and laid it on his desk as he sat on the corner, looking toward Elliot. His black hair matched the black eyes that narrowed as he leaned over his desk.

"How's Liv doing?" Lake asked, certain Elliot would have talked to her this morning.

"Uh...she was fine last night around 7:30 when I left her place..." Elliot answered without looking up.

Last night, Lake thought? He hasn't talked to her since last night. He looked at his watch confirming it was almost noon. And Elliot had not checked on Olivia this morning. Hmmm. Wonder what happened? Something had to have happened. At this rate, he was going to have to change the date he gave for the office pool or he was going to lose some change. Someone had started a new pool last night based on all the rumors going around about Elliot's reaction to Olivia being abducted and then finding her. There were plenty of officers, EMS and CSU techs that something was bound to get out.

Munch glanced up at Elliot's comment, also surprised that he had not talked to Olivia since last night. He had been stuck to her like glue at her apartment and the hospital. Then was adamant that he would take her home and get her settled. He would be the one to take care of her.

"You haven't talked to her today? I half expected her to _be_ here today." Munch interjected.

"No...haven't talked to her today...and Cragen's making her take off today." Elliot looked at Munch for just a second and then back at the report.

Elliot, technically off today, dressed in worn, light blue jeans and a white T-shirt, leaned back with his tennis-shoe clad feet propped on his desk, and continued reading the fingerprint report. He ignored the questioning looks that Lake and Munch gave him and then traded with each other. He silently wished he did know how she was doing this morning. After what happened last night he simply was not sure what to do, what she expected or wanted, so he thought he would let her make the next move.

He set his attention, once again, on the report before him. Three sets of prints found in Olivia's apartment were unknown. The other prints were people that had been in Olivia's apartment at some time, invited, and had matched databases available: Himself, of course, Rhett Chapman...so he did have a last name, Elliot thought. Why does that seem familiar? Oh, well...Casey, Fin, and Trevor Langan. Langan? Why would he have been at Liv's, Elliot wondered? Then he remembered that she had gone out with him. She invited him up? Elliot found himself getting annoyed that Langan had any reason to have been in her apartment. He hated the defense attorney. Actually, he hated anyone that went out with Olivia.

Munch, who was catching along with Fin, was dressed for the job wearing a black suit, pale green shirt and a mostly black tie with some kind of geometric design, was scouring another report. "Hey, look at this. They found a receipt at the bar."

"So, what? Everyone uses debit and credit cards, now." Lake looked up from the report in his hand at Munch and then Elliot.

"But this receipt is for scotch tape, a spiral notebook, a permanent marker and a 10 pack bag of Juicy Fruit chewing gum." Munch told him, holding up a copy of the receipt.

The three men looked at each other as the information registered with them. The note taped on Liv's bathroom mirror was on a page torn from a spiral notebook, written with what looked like a blue sharpie permanent marker pen. If this receipt was for those items, it could a hold a treasure trove of clues about the suspect.

Elliot stood and went to Munch's desk and took the paper from him. "Mail Boxes, Etc." He paused, brows knitted. "That's in Tribeca."

"Yea...just the kind of neighborhood where you might expect a rich Italian that wears expensive suits to live." Lake put his reports down and came to look at the receipt, too.

"Guess what we're going to be watching this afternoon?" Munch waggled his eyebrows and peered out over the glasses that sat on the end of his nose.

"What are we gonna be watchin'?" Fin asked, stepping into the room, sunglasses atop his head, arms full of bags from the deli on the next block.

xxxxxxxx

**Benson Residence**

**Sunday Afternoon, June 15**

Opening the door, she found Rhett leaning against the door frame with a pair of chopsticks clenched horizontally in his teeth. The wonderful aroma of Chinese food drifted from the cartons he held in his hands. He looked extra handsome today in a yellow polo that just accented his blond hair and deep tan. His jean shorts were extra dark blue and he wore flip-flops.

"Hey, Babe. Hope you're hungry...got enough to feed a whole platoon." He grinned, leaning in to kiss her softly. She wore a pink T-shirt and gray sweat shorts with a pink stripe down the sides.

"Hungry or not...I can always eat Chinese." Olivia put her hand along side his cheek as he leaned in and this time she kissed him.

Taking some of the cartons from him, she led the way to the kitchen. Once the cartons were placed on the counter and their hands were free, Rhett turned to her and pulled her into his arms.

"You have no idea how much I missed you, Liv." He held her face with both of his hands, kissing her slowly and tenderly. His hands slowly inching up to run through her hair, massaging her head, as his lips trailed down her cheek to her neck.

"Mmmm...and you have no idea how much I missed this..." She pulled his face back to her for another longer, deeper kiss.

How could she have let Elliot kiss her, kiss him back, and risk losing Rhett. She did not want to lose him and decided he did not need to know about her and Elliot. She rationalized that she was not lying because he had not asked her anything, so she was just not saying anything. If he actually ever asked, she would tell him the truth. And, besides, it wasn't like she was ever going to do that again.

He pulled away, looking into her eyes. "You are absolutely beautiful, Olivia. I could stare at you all day and never tire of watching you."

She felt the blush creeping up her neck, into her face and she slapped playfully at him. "I do declare, Rhett Chapman, but my, my, you do know how to make a girl blush." She said in the most southern accented voice she could imitate.

Laughing as he hugged her and kissed the top of her head, he let her go and turned to get some plates from the cabinet. As he went to open it, he noticed some black dust clinging to the cabinet near the bottom corner.

"What's this black stuff all over the cabinet?" He brushed at it and then noticed a partial fingerprint. It been dusted for prints?

"Oh...uh...its...uh...nothing. Let's eat." Olivia glanced at the cabinet, her sudden nervousness giving her away as she reached for a plate. She thought she and Elliot had cleaned all of that off.

He took the plate from her and put it on the counter. "Not until you tell me what this is? I mean, I know what it is...someone dusted for fingerprints...what I don't know is why?" His voice was firm, his arms crossed over his chest and she knew she had to tell him.

She wanted to wait until later to tell him. She wanted a little time to just be with him...she had missed him so much...and she knew he was going to be upset that no one called to let him know. Taking a deep breath, she started telling him the events of the weekend.

"Why didn't you call me?" His voice was raised, but he was trying hard to control his anger.

"I couldn't call you...I was completely out of it for ten or eleven hours..." She looked into his blue eyes, narrowed and flashing with hurt and anger.

"Well...someone could have! Why didn't Captain Cragen call me...or...or your best friend partner? I should have known, Olivia! I should have known!" He was pacing the kitchen now, like a cage lion, the fury increasing with each step.

"Rhett...maybe someone should have called...but..." She stepped toward him to touch his arm.

He whirled around, her hand falling away. "Maybe?! You're darned right they should have! I had a right to know you were in danger!"

"The Captain knew you were in L.A. and he figured by the time you got a flight out, I would have been home and he knew you were coming back today...he just decided not to worry you." She thought it made sense when Cragen told her his reason for not calling, but now as she told Rhett, she knew she would be just as upset had the situation been reversed.

"That should have been my choice!" He let out a long breath through pursed lips. "Okay...okay...but why didn't you call me when you got home?" He demanded, his eyes now stormy midnight blue, his jaw clenching. His eyes reminded her so much of someone else's.

"I..I..guess I didn't want to worry you either...I mean, Rhett, I'm fine...nothing bad happened." She spoke quietly hoping to calm him down. She was standing with her arms crossed, leaning one hip into the counter.

"Olivia...I...I don't even know what to respond to that." He ran his hands through his hair "Nothing bad happened? Someone drugged you, brought you to your apartment, undressed you, laid you out, left a warning, you spent hours in the hospital and you tell me 'nothing _bad _happened'?" He was even more angry at her representation of the events, minimizing the seriousness of them, than not being told.

"Rhett...please...I..I know it was serious. I do. I just...please, I don't want to fight. I should have called you...I'm sorry, okay? There is nothing I can do to change that now...just please, don't be angry with me...I missed you...so much..." Tears welled in her eyes as she pleaded with him.

The anger began to dissolve because he did not have the ability to remain mad at her through her tears. He held his arms open and motioned with his right hand for her to come to him. Wiping tears from her face, she very nearly ran to him, and he wrapped her in his arms, holding her close.

"Olivia...Olivia..." He whispered gruffly. "When I think of what could have happened..." He choked on his words and held her tighter.

"But it didn't." She whispered back, fresh tears falling. "It didn't."

xxxxxxx

**Stabler Residence**

**Sunday, Evening, June 15**

"Dinner was great, Mom." Dickie said as he took his plate to the sink.

"Yea, Kath...it was good." Elliot agreed. "Whose turn for KP?"

"Mine." Dickie said as he came back to the table and picked up the butter, steak sauce and other items to put in the refrigerator.

"Wow! You must finally be growing up, little bro! Actually owning up your turn to clean up after dinner!" Maureen laughed. She had spent the afternoon at the house.

"Yea? Now, if he would only grow up enough to pick up his dirty boxers when he gets out of the shower!" Lizzie held her nose in mock disgust.

Elliot loved the banter between his children. If he left again, this would be one of the biggest things he would miss. Truth is, with his job, he had missed most of it anyway. He wondered about Olivia. What she was doing, was she okay, was Rhett there? What was he thinking? Sure he was there, taking care of her, holding her, kissing her...

"Dad? Dad?" Maureen was looking at him funny.

"Yea, baby." He snapped back to the present, rubbing his face.

"I have a game Tuesday evening...I'm pitching...it's our last one of the season. Think you can come?" She asked, not really expecting him to say yes.

"Softball season is over?" Elliot thought it seemed like it just started. He had only made it to three of her games

"Daaaad! We've been playing since mid April." She took her plate to the sink. "Oh, by the way it's at Hutchinson Field instead of the school...the mens' team has all the fields tied up with the tri-state college tournament this week."

. "You know I want to see you pitch...I will try my best to make it, sweetheart." He pulled her to him and kissed her cheek as she came back to the table.

"El...what about the...you know...?" Kathy was referring to his undercover assignment and trying to discreet.

"Not sure, yet. Porter is suppose to get with us tomorrow." He told her.

Maureen headed back to campus, Lizzie went to her room and Dickie went to a friend's house after he cleaned up the kitchen. Elliot bathed Eli and then played with him for about an hour, building blocks and rolling a ball back and forth. The baby's squeals of laughter caused Kathy to smile as she sat at the kitchen table paying bills. He brought Eli to her and she fed him a snack.

Kathy had just come downstairs from putting him to bed and went to the living room. Elliot had gone to the couch and was sitting with his legs spread out and his arms across the back. Kathy watched him for minute. He looked tired...exhausted, actually...and older. Of course, she was sure she did, too. Being a new mother at 42 was not easy. But, there was something else there, in Elliot, that she was unable to figure out. Something she was not sure she had seen before. He seemed sad.

Why did things have to change, she wondered? There was a time when she and Elliot had been so in love, so happy and now...now they rarely smiled at each other, never talked unless it was absolutely necessary. The only thing they had in common was the kids. Maybe that was all they had ever had in common. Maybe early on they were so caught up in buying a house, managing bills and children and school and games and music lessons, that they didn't realize they had nothing else in common.

She wondered if this was the reason for this sadness she felt in him. It may be part of it, but she intuitively knew that a bigger reason was his partner. She knew there was something more between them no matter what Elliot said. She doubted they had crossed the line physically, but she knew he cared about Olivia far more than as a partner or even as a best friend. And one look at Olivia's eyes as she watched Elliot and there was no doubt how she felt about him.

But, Kathy knew Olivia had always honored the fact that Elliot was married. Then again, maybe she was wrong about them. She and Elliot were separated for two years and he never made a move on Olivia. Kathy was sure he would. But, it did not happen. She did not want to fight right now, but she really wanted to know what happened when he took Olivia home last night. It was nearly 1:00 a.m. when he came home this morning and he had not mentioned any of the events of yesterday or Olivia at all today.

She went to sit beside her husband. He opened his eyes and sat up straighter before closing them again. "Eli asleep?"

"Went down without a fuss. I think you wore him out." She smiled thinking of them playing together.

"Uh-huh...wore me out, too." He chuckled softly.

They sat quietly for a few minutes. Kathy looked at Elliot, every line of his profile seared into her memory. In some ways, he was so familiar to her. She knew how his lips thinned in anger, how he chewed them when he was nervous or upset, how his eyes crinkled when he laughed or smiled and how his blue eyes would sparkle when he was happy.

She missed that. The only time his eyes seemed to hold that sparkle now was when he was with one of the kids or...when Olivia came around. She had seen it last week at the precinct when she dropped off his forgotten cell phone. Olivia had come been at lunch, but returned before Kathy left. His eyes instantly had a that sparkle to them, even though he did not even really speak to her. She knew things like this, but she did not really know Elliot, the person. But Olivia did. She knew him in a way that Kathy never would. No, Kathy did not know Elliot, anymore. Perhaps, she never did.

"You haven't mentioned how things went yesterday...is Olivia all right?" She asked quietly, slipping her hand behind her head to find his on the back of the couch, bringing it to hang over her shoulder still entwined with hers.

"Hmmm...yea...she's fine." He did not open his eyes as he grunted his reply.

"You took her home?" He told her was going to and she knew it would have taken an act of Congress or a direct order from Cragen to keep him from doing so and even those might not have stopped him.

"Yea...they let her go around 5:30." He sighed, stretching his arms above his head, replacing them as they had been, effectively removing Kathy's hand from his. She did not reach for it again.

"Five-thirty? What did you do until one in the morning?" Kathy was still trying to be quiet.

"Nothing...I mean...I left her place around 7:30...went back to the precinct and brain stormed some ideas with Munch and Fin.

"You and Olivia didn't do anything?" She asked, this time no doubt as to what she was asking.

What a loaded question. Let's see, we had this really big fight about her being so stupid she accepted an open drink from a complete stranger and flirted with him...well, she says she didn't flirt. Then we hollered and screamed and said things we shouldn't have. Then I kissed her. And you know what, Kath? She didn't even rare back and bust me one. In fact, she kissed me back. And I held her and she held me and now she says we can't do that anymore. That what you wanted to hear, huh, Kath?

"I tried to get her to watch a DVD, but she was still pretty wiped out from the drug and so I made sure she was settled and I left. Besides, Cragen put a detail on her so I knew she was safe." He yawned and stood up.

"That's good. I'm glad nothing happened to her." Kathy was glad. She held no ill will for her and if anything ever happened to Olivia, she dreaded to think what would happen to Elliot.

"Yea, me too. I'm gonna get a shower and head to bed." He yawned again, hoping she'd get the message that he was really tired.

"Okay. I'm going to watch TV for a little bit. Goodnight, El." She picked up the remote and pushed the power button wishing there were a remote control for life.

What power that would be. Control buttons at her fingertips to make children do well in school, make right choices, put the sparkle in husbands eyes and give wives the love for their husband they had when they first got married. Instead of a button to delete channels, there would be a button to delete and add people to lives. She would used it to delete Olivia from Elliot's life so Elliot would never get another call from her or have to respond to her voice or her presence ever again. If she had the ability to do all this, she might have the ability to save her marriage. The marriage even she was not certain she still wanted. The marriage she knew was slowly, this time permanently, slipping away. Again.

xxxxxxx

**A/N: **_Sorry it took a little longer to write this chapter. Kathy is mad that I let Elliot stay with Liv at the hospital. Elliot has been arguing with me about going undercover...he's ready...I think we need to wait a bit. After he kissed Liv, she was really confused, but after several heart to heart talks, I think I convinced her that Rhett is the best thing that has ever happened to her! And, after all, Elliot IS married and has FIVE kids! Oh! I almost forgot...this IS EO...well, I _do_ have the ability to take care of that little detail...eventually. Promise._

_Thanks for all the reviews. You guys keep me going ! Appreciate you ALL!! " ) Bensler_


	18. Alone

**Chapter 18 - Alone**

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday Morning, June 16**

Mail Boxes, Etc. was closed on Sundays and the emergency contact number was disconnected so they had to wait until today to secure the video, if there was any, from the store. It opened at nine, an hour and half.

Fin and Munch were arguing over some theory that Munch had about why the government wanted to put the nation into a recession. Fin told him he needed to find another wife so it would take his mind off of all these weird theories he had about everything and everyone. A wife would put him into such depression he would not have time to think about the recession. Lake sat between them, watching in amusement, alternately laughing and shaking his head.

Elliot was already at work, which was unusual because since the birth of Eli, he had been coming in later. Usually, he was there a half hour of so after Olivia who was normally at work by 7:30 at the latest. He beat her in today and had brought her one of her favorite teas...Moroccan Mint...and sat it in the middle of her desk. He was really nervous about seeing her after them kissing Saturday night. He had no idea what to expect. He heard people laughing and then he picked out her laughter and his head snapped toward the sound.

She was walking into the squad room with Dean Porter at her side and apparently they had found something to be extremely funny. He whispered something to her, his arm around her shoulder, as they laughed. She slapped at his arm and leaned in to whisper something to him and she laughed out again and then covered her mouth when she realized how loud she had been. Her gaze caught Elliot's glare and the laughter was gone from her face in a snap. Dean headed to Cragen's office and Olivia went to her locker, putting her purse and lunch in it before turning to her desk.

Elliot watched her the whole time. She laid her cell down on her desk and saw the coffee. She smiled and looked at Elliot. "Thanks...I didn't have time to get any this morning." Realizing what she said, and noticing Elliot's mouth was already open to make a snide remark, she added the last couple of words. "Tea...no time to get tea."

"You're welcome." He told her, though he really wanted to make a snide remark...either about not having time to get any or about what she and Dean found so hysterically funny at 7:30 in the morning, but he bit his tongue instead.

She sat down and began logging into her computer. Elliot folded his arms across his desk and leaned as far forward as he could toward hers. He decided he should be nice instead of so grumpy. "You look really nice this morning, Liv. Blue is one of my favorite colors on you." Any and every color is my favorite on you, he thought.

She knew she was blushing and there was nothing she could do about it. Elliot was complimenting her. He was not free with compliments, especially about her appearance. Not on an everyday level, anyway. Sure, on special occasions, he would compliment her outfit or appearance, but not normal workday attire.

"Thanks." She raised an eyebrow at him, questioning him on his odd behavior and turned back to the computer.

"So...Rhett make it back?" He tried not to act too interested, so he pretended to be reading a file in front of him.

Olivia snickered, reached over and turned the file right side up. "Yes...he did."

Elliot closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He felt the rush of heat washing over his neck and face. How on earth did he do something so stupid? He opened his eyes to see Olivia still looking at him and grinning. He tried to smile back.

"All right, people. Need everyone in my office for a quick briefing." Cragen stood at his open office door and motioned his crew.

**Captain Cragen's Office**

**Monday Morning, June 16**

When everyone was settled, Dean began laying out plans for the undercover operation. "Our female agents were pulled over the weekend...things were starting to get too dangerous."

"How'd you get 'em out with raisin' suspicion?" Fin wanted to know.

"We staged an arrest for solicitation and an extradition saying they were wanted in Connecticut on other charges. Gavlik's none the wiser and since we made it Federal charges, no way will he pursue getting them out of jail." Dean explained.

He turned toward Elliot and Matt. "Elliot, Matt we will get together after this for the details, but basically, we are going to put this thing into action Wednesday. It will be phone calls for a couple of days and then we will bring you in the middle of next week to actually meet with Gavlik and or someone from the Giordani Group. We have been putting out feelers to Gavlik and associates for the last week and half to see if he would bite and he has. He wants to meet Samuel T. Elliot...and Mikhail Brilev." Dean nodded toward the two men. "...owner of Cross Point Properties, who wants in on the action."

"Elliot's going to be busy learning about his new identity, so Lake you're to take his place and help Munch make sure all the financial and property information we have is in order and cross referenced before this sting goes down. Fin, you do the same for all the reports gathered so far, DD5s, DNA, fingerprints, autopsy, etc. Olivia will help you as much as she can, but since she is our lead on this case, she is going to be at Agent Porter's beck and call, so just be aware of that." Cragen surveyed his crew, thinking about what a potentially big case they had stumbled upon.

"Okay...there is a potential lead in Detective Benson's abduction and that is our priority today. Obviously, it appears this is connected to the bigger Tarasov/Kushnir case. We need to prove or disprove that for sure and we need to find this perp." He looked at each one of his detectives. "Questions?"

"Captain...are you sure it's safe for Elliot to be the undercover man since this new threat? I mean, whoever left it, took pictures of Olivia and Rhett and they could have taken pictures of her at anytime with anyone...including here at work or on the job...I guess what I am saying is...is it possible the one doing the threatening knows who Elliot is and wouldn't that endanger him?" Munch cleaned his glasses as he posed his question.

Olivia was so relieved that Munch asked the question that had been on her mind, she audibly let loose a deep sigh. Everyone turned to look at her and she did not care. She did not feel like she could ask the question without there being a lot of speculation as to their relationship. She was afraid it would seem more than concern for her partner. And it was. She was going to talk to Cragen later if no one voiced it now.

"We've discussed this at length and we feel that since Elliot has been kept out of the active street investigation, he will be fine. Of course, as in any line of police work, undercover or not, there is a certain amount of risk involved. Every thing in our power to ensure Elliot's and Matt's safety will be done." Dean assured the group as his eyes locked with Olivia's for a second longer than necessary.

Elliot noticed and thought to himself, 'she's at Porter's beck and call'.

"Okay, that's all. Get to work." Cragen dismissed the group.

As they filed out, he put a hand on Olivia's arm. "Need to see you a minute." Elliot was watching him. Cragen turned to him. "You, too."

When everyone was gone, he had them sit down again, noticing that Elliot sat in a chair to the side of his desk and Olivia in one to the front. Not side by side. Flags popped up, but he dismissed them in favor of other things to worry about at the moment. He sat on the corner of his desk and look at Olivia.

"Olivia, how are you feeling?" He smiled at her and spoke softly.

"Good...like normal." She smiled back, but was apprehensive about where he was headed.

He nodded and smiled again. "I know you told us some things in the hospital, but now that you've had sometime for the drug to clear your system, I'd like you to tell me everything you can remember about Friday night." He looked at Elliot. "I thought your partner needed to hear it all, too."

Shifting in her chair, she glanced at Elliot.. "Okay...I...uh...stayed late at the house catching up on paperwork...and..."

"Why? You were told not to be alone and the paperwork could have waited until today." Cragen interrupted, apparently quite upset with her.

She shrugged her shoulders and looked at Elliot again. He looked straight ahead. "Rhett was out of town and I...I...didn't..." She sighed heavily. "I didn't want to go home alone, so I stayed and did paperwork. Gotta be done sometime."

"Okay...but still, you were told not be alone. You disregarded my direct order. You should have gone home at a reasonable hour." Cragen's admonition was stern. "Go on."

"Yes, Sir...I should have. I was really keyed up over the case, and on the way home I decided to stop and have a beer or two, thinking that would take the edge off and help me sleep better." She told him.

Cragen noticed Elliot's jaw was jumping and he kept running his finger between his shirt and neck. He was clearly agitated about something. Cragen turned back to Olivia.

"I sat at the bar and had finished one beer and was trying to get Mike's attention to..." She was cut off again.

"Mike? The bartender? What's his last name?" Cragen asked, looking between them.

"Overton." Olivia told him, feeling the glare that Elliot gave her before she looked up and saw it.

So, she knew his last name, Elliot thought. Maybe she was good 'friends' with him, too. Maybe she was good 'friends' with every guy she met. Elliot knew he was thinking like a jealous boyfriend, but he could not stop.

"I couldn't get his attention to get another beer. All of sudden, someone sets one in front of me. My brand. There's this really nice looking man...dark, Italian maybe, dressed in a very expensive suit, sitting next to me. He told me this one was on him." She ran her hands up and down her thighs.

"Tell me everything you can remember he said, word for word." Cragen folded his arms across his chest.

She didn't know why but she was becoming extremely uncomfortable telling this. "He said 'This one is on me, sweetheart.' and I told him I wasn't his sweetheart and if I wanted another beer, I'd buy it myself." From her peripheral vision, she saw Elliot's fists clenching and unclenching.

"Then he said, 'Independent and feisty? Just how I like my women.' and I told him I wasn't his woman either." This time she could see Elliot's smirk as he snorted at the comment.

"He asked me to forgive him and said he didn't know my name. I said it was..." Elliot cut her off this time. He still had not heard her complete account of that night either, so as was usual for him, he jumped to conclusions.

He stood up quickly and took a step closer to her. "You told him your name? You told this stranger who was coming on to you, your name! What? Were you_ looking_ to pick him up? You didn't want to be alone, so anyone would do? That it?"

"No...I...I..." She was so shocked at his outburst, she could not even think.

Cragen, though caught off guard, was not totally surprised by Elliot's reaction, but this was no place for jealous outbursts. "Elliot! Back off!" He had plenty of admonition to go around.

Olivia felt like she had been punched in the stomach. She would probably feel a lot better if she threw up. "No...I told him it was Detective. That's all."

Elliot dragged his hands over his face, through his hair and locked his hands around the back of his neck, before sitting down again. Cragen watched him until he was seated and then turned back to Olivia.

"How did he react to that?" Cragen asked quietly hoping to exude some semblance of calm.

"He seemed amused. Told me my mother had a great sense of humor naming me detective. I told him he should not make fun of the dead. He apologized, asked about my father, told him I never knew him, he said he was lucky to still have both his parents. He said he was sorry I was alone, but not sorry that I was alone in a place like this on a Friday night."

"Did he get physical with you in any way or give any indication that he knew who you were?" Cragen was frowning now.

"Not until it was too late...I know I should not have drank the beer he gave me...I know that...I knew that then...it was just that the lid was on it, but loosened just like Mike always does on bottled beers, and I thought Mike had loosened and it would be okay..." She lost count of how many times she had been interrupted. Apparently, it was Elliot's turn again.

"Mike _never_ loosens the top of _my_ beer. He only does it for you, Olivia, cause he likes you. It's his way of flirting with you." Elliot snapped at her. "How could you be so stupid, Olivia!?"

She just looked at him in confusion. Was he saying she was stupid for drinking the beer or not knowing that Mike only loosens lids for her. She thought he did that for everybody. "I didn't know that..." And she did not like being called 'stupid'.

Elliot shook his head in what to her seemed like disgust and she felt tears stinging her eyes. Blinking rapidly, she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"You should not have consumed that beer, Olivia. You know it and we know it. You know better, but there's nothing that can be changed about it. What else happened?" Cragen wanted to get this over with before Elliot had a complete meltdown and took Olivia with him on the way.

She took a deep breath and sniffled. "He touched my arm and I pushed his hand away, he had his arm around the back of my stool and brushed my shoulders a time or two, but once the drug started taking effect, he put his arm around my shoulders and his other around my waist, he pulled me close to him. I tried to pull away, but was really dizzy...I tried to get Mike's attention because I knew I was in trouble...I couldn't even speak...I needed to throw up." She paused, remembering that horrible night.

"Then he said, 'Your boyfriend...Rhett, isn't it? He's not very wise to leave his woman unattended, especially when she is as gorgeous as you are, Detective Benson.' and that was when I realized I had not given him my name and he knew Rhett's too." She looked down at her hands playing with her watch. "That's all I remember."

"Okay...that's good. Would you recognize this man were you to see him again?" Cragen leaned toward her, trying to get her to look at him again.

Her head kept low, she answered. "Yes. I'd know him anywhere."

He nodded and looked at Elliot who had a look on his face...agitation, anger...he wasn't sure about it other than it did not bode well for Olivia. "Okay, we know he knew your name and Rhett's and took pictures of the two of you. Fin and Lake should be back soon with the video from the store. Hopefully, that will have the picture of our friend. Get with Munch and make sure your story today and the one you gave at the hospital concur." Cragen told her. He stood, their clue that the meeting was over.

Elliot headed out, leaving Olivia behind. So, unlike the gentleman Elliot who always held doors open for her and any woman, waiting until they had exited before doing the same. She was rooted to her spot, watching him as he walked away. She looked over at Cragen, somewhat embarrassed at being treated so shabbily by her partner, raised her eyebrows in question and started to leave.

"Guess I still need to mix you guys up on partners?" Cragen stood with his hand on the door knob. The loud clang of metal could be heard and they both looked toward Elliot as he slammed his locker closed again after the door bounced back open.

She only nodded, looked down and started past him. He stopped her once again with his hand on her arm. "Olivia...are you all right? Really?"

She looked at her captain, his eyes full of concern. "From the drug...yes. From him..." She looked out at Elliot. "No." Probably never, she thought.

It was Cragen's turn to nod. "I'll keep mixing it up."

xxxxxxx

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday Morning, June 16**

Fin and Munch came strolling in around ten. "Hey, who's got the popcorn? It's movie time! We got a copy of the video!" Fin held up a VHS tape in his hand.

"We're going to have to watch the whole day cause the time stamp on the receipt is torn off. " Munch said to whoever was listening.

"Liv...you wanna watch it and I'll work on them reports or you want do the reports and be called when we think we got him?" Fin asked, shaking the tape in the air.

Glancing at Elliot, who did not even bother to look over at them, her decision was easy. She didn't want to get into another fight and she was tired of the silent treatment. "I guess since I'm the one who knows what he looks like, I should watch it."

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday Afternoon, June 16**

Six and a half hours later, they had been through the whole tape and not seen anyone who looked remotely like the man who abducted Olivia. She was tired, her eyes burned, her neck was cramping and she was getting a headache. Probably from not eating anything but a pack of crackers. Munch was tired, too.

"Let's call it a day and we'll go back over it tomorrow." Munch stood and stretched his lanky frame and patted Olivia on the shoulder as he walked back to his desk.

"Sure." Olivia stayed in the room, the television hissing at her. With the video over, there was only the fuzzy screen of gray. How could she have missed him? She would know him anywhere, even on a grainy security video tape.

Dean had come back late in the afternoon to drop of the undercover I.D.s and papers to Captain Cragen. Leaving his office, he saw Olivia sitting in the room by herself, staring at the television.

"I hate summer reruns, don't you?" Dean's hands were on either side of the doorway as he leaned in and grinned at her.

Brought out of her deep thought, she turned to Dean and smiled. "Yea...but guess I get to watch it again tomorrow."

"No luck?" He asked as he came a sat beside her on the small couch.

"The time stamp part of the receipt is gone. We spent hours going through the tape. I can't believe I missed him." She sighed and leaned her head back on the couch.

"You know, with everything computerized now, some companies have software that can look up certain items and pull the information on each receipt...did you guys ask about that?" Dean wondered. Taking a seat, he leaned back too, one arm draped across the back behind Olivia and the other on the arm of the couch.

"I don't know..." She frowned, leaning forward again.

"And maybe you're not looking for the guy that hit on you..." Dean suggested, cocking his head sideways at her.

Her eyes widened with revelation. "Maybe he got someone else to buy it for him...that's it!" She sat straight up and turned her watch. "It's just after five and I think they stay open til six." She jumped up and started out of the room.

"Hey, wait! I'll go with you!" Dean scrambled to catch up with her.

From his desk, Elliot watched the scene in the room and then as Olivia ran to her desk, grabbed her cell phone, and took off out of the squad room with Dean right behind her. She never looked his way or acknowledged him in any way. Turnabout was fair play he supposed. His curiosity was about to kill him, but he reckoned he had set himself up for this. He had ignored her all day because he got mad again about her drinking that drug laced beer. She should have known better. Well, his pouting earned him the right to suffer in silence and ignorance while Dean Porter, Special Agent in Charge, FBI, got to go with her to follow up whatever lead they stumbled upon.

xxxxxx

**Mail Boxes, Etc.**

**Monday Evening, June 16**

An hour later, Olivia and Dean watched as the manager of the store pulled the store's copy of the receipt from the computer. 5:27 p.m.

"Here you go." The short stocky man gave them the copy of the receipt. "You want I should run my video to that time? Save you the trouble?"

"Yes, please." Olivia told him as she gave him a big smile.

He ran the video. It took no time at all to get to the correct time frame. "There...I can't believe this! It's Mona Petrovsky! She bought the stuff! I thought she was on _our_ side!" Olivia was incredulous at the picture before her.

"Olivia...look at the top right corner...can you wind it back a bit, please?" Dean pointed to the corner.

The manager ran it back a bit and put on slow. "Right there, see that man...looks like he's waiting for her...see how she glances at him and he nods...is that him?"

"Yes! Yes, that's him! I don't believe this! We need to talk to Mona!" Olivia just could not believe this. "We have to find out who this jerk is and soon!"

"You want I should cross reference the card number on the receipt and pull up the info from the debit card?" The manager asked them.

"You can do that?" Olivia asked with a dumbfounded look on her face. She looked at Dean and he shrugged.

"Yea...give me a sec." He punched some numbers, did a few clicks on the mouse and printed off a page and handed it to her.

Dean looked over her shoulder, read the paper, then they looked at each other, not believing their luck. "Let's get back to the house!" Olivia told him, half way out the door.

She stopped and turned back to the manager and smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Olivetti. You don't know how much this has helped our investigation. Thank you!"

xxxxxxx

**SVU Squad Room**

**Tuesday Morning, June 17**

"So, Mona Petrovsky bought all the stuff, but she used a debit card in the company name of Giordani Group." Fin was as incredulous as Olivia had been.

"She's the one who gave us Vincent Sollecito's name and it's Vinny's brother, Paul, who was issued this card. How easy was that?" Olivia held her hand up and she and Fin did a high five.

"Did you run his name through the system?" Lake asked.

"Oh, yeah." She passed out copies of several pages stapled together. "This is his rap sheet, mug and other information about him. I can't wait to arrest this jerk."

"We're going to need to wait on that, Olivia. If we arrest him before Elliot and Matt are able to complete the operation, we may scare them off and never be able to tie it all together for a conviction." Dean appeared from nowhere, but had apparently been listening to their morning briefing.

"He's right, Olivia." Cragen agreed.

She sighed. It looked like their part of the investigation was once again put on hold for the greater and grander ideals of the FBI.

**Hutchinson Field**

**Tuesday Night, June 17**

Rhett had just hit a double, sliding free to second in the bottom of sixth. He jumped up and brushed the dirt from his pants, straightened his cap and grinned at Olivia, Casey and Sam, whom he could hear screaming and hollering his name. Next batter up and a hit to centerfield brought Rhett tearing into home amidst more cheers. When he went back to the dugout, Olivia decided it was time to get a bottle of water.

"Case, Sam...you guys want anything? I'm going for some water and maybe some nachos." Olivia jumped off the third bleacher onto the hard packed dirt.

Casey looked at Sam and then back at Liv. "Yea...get a couple of Sprites." Sam went to get his wallet, but Olivia shook her head.

"I got you covered." She grinned at them.

The nearest concession stand was between two other fields. As she came closer to it, she realized two girls college softball teams were playing on the closest field. The uniforms she could see, said NYU and she knew the other one by heart even from a distance. The blue and white uniforms of Columbia University where her mother had taught. While standing in line, she was able to see it pretty good so she watched the game. Just as she got to the counter and placed her order, her attention was caught by the announcement over the loud speaker. 'Tonight the pitcher for the Columbia University Lady Lions is Junior Maureen Stabler, number 21.' Olivia felt like she had been hit with one of those baseball bats.

She would love to go watch Maureen pitch for awhile and see the other kids, if they were there. But, she did not want to run into Elliot and certainly not Kathy. Not now, when she was sure Kathy would see straight through her to her guilt and know she had kissed her husband. Or, actually he kissed her. Well, they kissed each other, but he started it. She debated on whether or not to just get up her nerve and go over there. Then decided that she would just watch from a distance and then go back to Rhett's game. But she wanted to be able to tell Maureen she saw her, so she just didn't know what to do. She paid for her order and as she turned around, her choice was taken from her.

"Olivia! Liv! Hey, Liv!" Lizzie's squeals of delight at seeing Olivia, caused the rest of the Stabler clan to turn around and look.

Lizzie hugged Olivia and took her by the hand. "Hey, sweetie. You are getting so grown up, Lizzie!" Olivia hugged her back tightly and wondered how she did not see them earlier when she was looking that way at the game.

Dickie jumped off the top bleacher and came to her, taking the cardboard tray with the bottled drinks and nachos from her and hugging her, too.

"Hey, Liv. If you came to watch Maureen, then you gotta come to my game Saturday!" Dickie told her as they walked over to the bleachers.

"I'd love to, Dickie!" She could not believe how tall he was. "You're taller than your Dad!" She grinned at him.

Eli was in his stroller next to Kathy sitting on the end of the bottom bleacher. Elliot was sitting behind them, leaning back into the bleacher behind him. He had on tan cargo shorts and a mostly red Hawaiin style shirt and flipflops. Olivia liked Elliot dressed casual. He looked good. The Stabler smirk was in place as he looked her over, making her uncomfortable. Kathleen was sitting next to him with a young man next to her.

Kathy was smiling. At least it looked like a smile. "Olivia, hi. You come to see Maureen pitch?"

"Hi, Kathy. I ...well, actually I was here to see a friend play..." She trailed off and looked toward Rhett's game.

Lizzie rolled her eyes and sighed. "Why do adults always refer to their boyfriend or girlfriend as their 'friend'?" She made quotation marks in the air.

"Cause that way they think us teenagers won't figure out they have a boyfriend or girlfriend!" Dickie explained to her. He set the food and beverages on the bleacher beside him.

Olivia was sure she was blushing, but hoped it would be passed off as the heat of the day. She saw Kathy smile, and Elliot shoot her a look. Not a full glare. But a full glare was not necessary for her to know he was not happy about the talk of her boyfriend. Her gaze shifted to Kathleen next to Elliot. She was looking at Elliot looking at Olivia and that was not good. Kathleen had the hardest time with her parents splitting up and she somewhat blamed Olivia though she had seemed to work through that this past year. Still, she was not as friendly to her as the other Stabler kids.

"Hi, Kathleen. It's good to see you." Liv smiled and reached in to hug her. "Who's your _friend_?" She asked and everyone laughed at the way she 'friend'. Even Kathleen.

"This is my _boy_friend Justin Klein. Justin, this is Olivia Benson...we call her Liv, she's Dad's partner." Kathleen glanced at Elliot who had yet to take his eyes off of Olivia.

Justin jumped down from the bleacher. He stuck his hand out and Olivia shook it. "Pleased to meet you, Detective Benson." He grinned big and blushed, obviously taken with Olivia. He was a very handsome young man with beautiful green eyes and dark brown hair and he towered over her and she was fairly tall for a woman.

"Call me Liv, please." She smiled and then looked down at their hands. He was still shaking hers.

"Oh...I'm so sorry." He let go, still smiling and Olivia heard Dickie and Lizzie chuckle and saw the daggers that Kathleen sent her way. Oh, my goodness. She thinks I am flirting with her boyfriend.

Needing safe territory, she turned to Eli. "Hey, big guy. Mind if I pick him up?" She asked Kathy.

"Not at all...go ahead." Kathy smiled, pulling her long blond hair back from her neck.

Olivia held out her hands and Eli stretched his arms out for her, smiling and giggling. "Oh, you really are getting to be such a big guy."

She held him close and kissed the side of his head. She thought her heart was going to burst with the love she felt for him. She had known the day of the accident that she would always have a special bond with this youngest Stabler. She had been the first to see him, to touch him as his slippery body was held in her hands and she tried to warm him with her body. She had saved his life and there would always be a bond. Not to mention that he belonged to Elliot.

Elliot was still leaning back, just taking in the scene before him. She was beautiful. Her bright yellow lace trimmed tank top, khaki shorts that came just above mid thigh and white tennis shoes all accented her deep tan. He loved watching her with children. Especially his. Olivia was a natural with kids. That's all there was to it. He had never seen her with a child of any age with whom she could not foster an almost immediate rapport. She needed to be a mother. She need babies of her own. He wanted to be the one to give her those babies. Stop it Stabler. It seemed that more and more these days, his mind had a will of its own.

Holding Eli, she sat down beside Kathy and watched Maureen pitch two innings. The first time there were three up and three down. The second time she gave up two singles, a double and a triple but the next three were up and down. In all, she struck out one batter, threw one out at first, and caught a pop fly. Putting Eli back in his stroller, Olivia looked at her watch. She had been gone nearly twenty five minutes. She needed to go. "I need to head back. Casey and Sam will be wondering if I ate their food and drinks."

Elliot perked up. She saw him sit up and wondered if anyone else had noticed that he had not said a word to her. "Casey's with you? I need to ask her something. I'll walk you over."

He jumped down and brushed the seat of his shorts. "Kath, you need anything? I'll pick it up on the way back..."

"No. Thanks. We're good...got drinks and snacks in the cooler." She smiled at him.

Olivia got her drinks and nachos from Dickie then she and Elliot walked back toward Rhett's game. Olivia was on the edge of panic. She knew his real reason for coming over was to meet Rhett. This was not the way she wanted them to meet. She wanted to have more control, more notice and she definitely did not want it to be in a public setting.

"What inning are they in? Maybe I can finally meet this jerk that has stolen my partner's heart away." He tried to make it seem like he was teasing.

But, she knew he was not. Not really. And, banging hard against her chest, her heart began to beat wildly.

**A/N: **_Things have been a little slow, but next chapter...hang on! Thanks to all who take time to review. Those really mean a lot and provide the kick in the pants to keep me going. Especially, on beautiful Sunday afternoons when I would like to be outside! " ) Bensler_


	19. Amazed

**A/N: **_Hope no one has a problem with a long chapter...could not figure out where to cut it off and I really wanted to go ahead and let happen what happened in this chapter instead of stretching it to another one. Anyway, hope you guys like it. Please review. I need the pumping up! " ) Bensler_

**Chapter 19 - Amazed**

**Hutchinson Field**

**Tuesday Night, June 17**

"Uh...they were in the bottom of the sixth when I left twenty five minutes ago." Olivia told Elliot, trying to keep her breathing calm.

"Then the game should be about over...good. Can't wait to meet your _friend_." Elliot nudged her with his shoulder, his smirk widening.

Olivia's stomach churned at the thought of Elliot meeting Rhett right now. She wanted time to prepare herself for the confrontation of testosterone that she knew would ensue. Rhett had never really come out and said it but she knew he was a little put off by her relationship with Elliot, even though he had told her on more than one occasion he was glad she had a friend like Elliot.

Elliot really couldn't wait. Olivia had been dating this creep...okay, maybe he wasn't a creep...but Elliot didn't like him...so, this jerk... for nearly two months and he had yet to see him much less meet him. Unless you count the blacked out pictures of him and Olivia left at her apartment by the abductor. The only thing Elliot could tell from the pictures was that the guy wasn't as cut as he was and had blond hair. Every shot of his face had been blacked out. Elliot wouldn't mind blackening his face a little, he thought.

"El...you're not going to say or do anything stupid when I introduce you, are you?" She couldn't help it. She had to ask.

"Stupid? Me?" He looked down at her and grinned. His blue eyes were bright with mischief.

"That's what I thought." She prepared herself for the worst case scenario, just in case.

Sirens could be heard in the background along with the various announcements over the speakers and the buzz of the crowds. Children laughing and yelling. The crack of the bat against a ball.

"Olivia! Where have you been?" Casey sounded upset and Sam looked a little worried.

"Sorry...ran into someone along with his whole family." She jerked her thumb at Elliot and handed Casey their Sprites.

"Hey, Case. How's it going, Sam?" Elliot greeted them, shaking Sam's hand.

"Hi, Elliot." Casey smiled and then turned back to Olivia. "We're not worried about the drinks, Liv. Davy Lester got hit in the face with a bouncing grounder, knocked him out, he's on his way to the ER. His wife wanted to ride with him, but she was hysterical and the EMTs wouldn't let her...anyway Rhett drove her to the hospital and is going to stay with her and the three kids until her sister can get here. Rhett was wanting to talk to you before he left."

"Is he hurt bad?" She glanced out on the field and noticed two news teams.

"Looked pretty bad...blood was everywhere from what we could tell from here." Sam told her

"But the Dawgs won...15 to 11!" Casey pumped her fist in the air and Olivia laughed.

"That's good news." She looked at Elliot and he smiled and raised his eyebrows.

"Rhett said you have the keys to his SUV and asked that you swing by the hospital and get him." Casey looked at Sam. "Not sure which hospital...but I'd guess Mercy."

"I'll call him." She took a long swallow of water from her bottle and replaced the lid.

They gathered their things and started coming down from the bleachers. "Well, we're going to head on. See you guys tomorrow." Casey held Sam's hand to steady her as she jumped from the bleacher.

Casey and Sam were gone, leaving Olivia alone with Elliot. Suddenly, she just wanted to go, get away from him. She pulled Rhett's keys out of her pocket and turned to Elliot.

"Well, guess you have to wait to meet Rhett, after all. I'm going to go on to the hospital. Tell everyone I said it was great seeing them. I'll see you in the morning." She turned toward the parking lot.

She had taken just a couple of steps before Elliot reached out and stopped her, his hand on her arm and pulled her to him. Unnecessarily. As in...there was no reason for him to pull her to him like that, so close.

"Hold up. I'll walk you out. It's almost dark and you don't need to be alone...haven't you learned that lesson yet?" He spoke close to her ear and his breath sent chills through her even though it had to be at least eighty-five degrees outside.

He took her by the arm and led her toward the parking lot. "Where are you parked?"

"Uh...I think it was over that way..." She pointed to their left.

In minutes they were away from the crowd of the ballpark. It was dark and they were alone. His hand on the small of her back was burning, as though fire was coming from her body even through her tank top. It was all he could do to keep walking and not stop to pull her to him and kiss her.

Her arm still tingled were his hand had been and now heat radiated from each of his fingers that lightly touched her back. She felt her breath catch and she knew she needed to get away from him. They could not risk a repeat of Saturday night. She almost wished he had met Rhett. At least she would not be here with him now. Alone. Together. In the dark.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you staged that injury just so I couldn't meet this guy." He spoke quietly, guiding her around someone's melting ice cream cone smashed on the ground.

"Elliot..." She sighed and rolled her eyes though he couldn't see her do it.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, Benson." He pinched her lightly, teasingly at the side of her waist. "You gonna ever let me meet him?

"Elliot!" She swatted his hand away. "Why are you so eager to meet him, anyway?"

"Guy's got a right to see his competition." He dropped his hand and just walked beside her.

"There's no competition." She did not like the turn of this conversation. "There's the car."

She pointed to a black 2007 Lexus LX470 SUV and brought the key out as they neared it. Pressing the 'unlock' button the headlights flashed a couple of times and the interior lights came on and stayed on.

"You're right. There is no competition, cause when I get finished with him, he'll hightail out of your life." His arm was now around her, his hand gripping her waist pulling to closer to his side.

"Elliot, don't say things like that! I really care about Rhett." She was getting a little anxious now as his words unsettled her.

He grabbed her arm, turning her around so that she leaned against the vehicle. "I know you care about him, Liv...but do you _love_ him?" His blue eyes drilled into her brown ones, searching her face for answers he was not sure he really wanted to hear.

"I...I...that's...not really any of your business, is it, Elliot?" She really wanted to leave. Now. Right now.

"Oh...I think it is...especially after the other night." He was leaning into her now, his lips dangerously close to hers.

She brought her hands up between them and pushed him far enough away that she was able to open the door and jump into the driver's seat. "The other night should never have happened and the quicker we both forget about it, the better off we will both be, Elliot."

Her hand shaking, she was barely able to put the key in the ignition, and when she tried to close the door, he held it tight in both hands.

He leaned into the vehicle. "You don't mean that, Olivia. I can't forget about it..." He whispered into her ear and then kissed her on the head. "And neither can you."

He shut the door and watched as she cranked up and drove away. She was shaking like a leaf, her stomach was sick, she gasped for each breath and she was sure her heart had quit beating. She had to calm down and get a grip before she found Rhett at the hospital. How could Elliot make her feel like this with just a few words? He was right. She could not forget about Friday night. How it felt to be in his arms, the beat of his heart against her, his kisses. She would never forget but she _was_ going to put it aside and not let it ruin what she had with Rhett. She was not sure what that was, but she wanted it. Maybe she did love Rhett.

xxxxxxx

**Mercy General Hospital**

**Tuesday, June 17**

She had called Rhett and he was sitting on a bench in front of the hospital waiting. He opened the door and slid into the passenger side, leaning over to kiss her. "Hey, Babe."

Her hand cupped his jaw for the kiss. "Mmmmm...hey. Want to drive?"

"Naw...that's okay. I can take your maniacal driving once in a while." He gave her a sideways look and laughed at her shocked expression.

"Hey, if the NYPD trusts me...what else is there to say?" She laughed, too. She was known for her heavy foot and on a regular basis was pulled over by one of her brothers or sisters in blue. Of course, they always let her go.

"How's Dave?" She pulled out into the street, leaving the lights of the hospital behind.

"Pretty bad. The ball hit him just to the left side of his nose, it's broken. They did an MRI because they think the eye socket above the eyebrow is cracked or worse. He was out cold for nearly an hour meaning he has some head trauma." Rhett shook his head and reached out to put his hand on Olivia's knee, squeezing it.

"Sounds bad. How's his wife doing? Heard she was pretty hysterical." Olivia turned on the blinker as she waited for the light to change so she could turn left.

"She's a lot better now that her sister is there. Dave's parents and brother got here about twenty minutes ago. His brother took the kids home with him." Rhett stared out the window and his stomach rumbled. "Hey, I need something to eat...want to get something to go?"

"I'm not really hungry..." The Elliot element destroyed what appetite I did have, she thought. "But I haven't eaten anything since lunch...so..." The nachos she bought had gotten soggy before she had a chance to eat them.

"What about some tacos?" Rhett pointed to Casa Maria's Mexican on the right.

"Okay." She turned the car into the parking lot and got in line at the drive through window.

"Say...where'd you disappear to for so long? Sam said you were gone twenty to twenty five minutes to get some drinks." Rhett was curious, not angry or anything else.

She didn't think about him wanting to know why she wasn't there watching the end of the game. Or that he would even have missed her. He wouldn't have if he hadn't gone to the hospital with Dave's wife. There was no reason to lie and besides, Casey and Sam both had seen Elliot. She took a deep, even breath and told him.

"Well..I went to the concession stand and Lizzie saw me...Elliot's youngest daughter...I had to go talk to the whole Stabler family. Maureen pitches for Columbia University, so I had to watch her in action...anyway...time just got away and when we got back, the game was over and you were gone." She told him, intertwining her hand with his hand that was still resting on her knee.

"Oh...okay. Who's 'we'?" Rhett turned his head toward her, a slight frown on his face. He rubbed the top of her hand with his thumb.

"'We'?" She glanced at him not knowing what he meant.

"You said 'when we got back'...remember?" He repeated her words to remind her.

"Oh...yea...I guess I did...uh...me and Elliot. When he heard Casey was with me, he walked me back because he had to ask her something."

"Elliot? What?" His jaw was jumping and his blue eyes narrowed as his gaze locked on her.

"What about Elliot?" She was becoming more confused each time he asked a question.

"What did he ask Casey?" Rhett was still watching her.

She frowned and raised an eyebrow, shrugged her shoulders and looked at Rhett. "I don't know. He never asked her anything. I guess because they were telling us about Dave."

He just nodded his head in response. Right. That would be because he never had anything to ask Casey. It was an excuse to be with Olivia. The last several days Rhett had noticed Olivia seemed different when it came to Elliot. She was less willing to talk about him and almost defensive if he asked about him and she was either really quiet or really nervous after he called. Come on, Rhett, you know you have an overactive imagination. After all, you are a journalist.

xxxxxxx

**SVU Squad Room**

**Friday Afternoon, June 27**

Elliot and Matt have been undercover for nearly a week now. Gavlik insisted they meet with him for dinner Sunday afternoon at a very upscale restaurant in Soho. They spent the first hour with the normal talk of families, places they have lived, sports, politics but then conversation turned to business. Wednesday evening, he had invited them to one of the bars and catered dinner to them in a lavishly decorated back room. Matt was certain that Gavlik liked what Samuel T. Elliot, 'Sam', had to say about how he would be able to increase his income by doing the same thing as Gavlik with the girls working for him in Chicago. He told him he knew Gavlik would want a cut and that was more than fine. He just needed someone to supply girls for him. He told him his bars were a little classier than what Gavlik ran in New York and therefore, would be more profitable.

Anatoly and Matt 'Mikhail' clicked right off because Matt was Ukranian. His parents were first generation naturalized American citizens and Matt grew up speaking both English and Russian. Ukranian and Russian are used roughly equally across Ukraine. While the official state language of Ukraine is Ukrainian, the preferred spoken language in most cities of southern, eastern, and northern Ukraine is Russian. He had visited his native country many times and was familiar with Kiev and some of the other larger cities as well as the smaller villages and towns. He understood the culture and he and Anatoly were able to talk very easily. Matt felt he had fully gained Anatoly Gavlik's confidence.

Anatoly was going to be in the Caribbean the next week for the July 4th holiday but he wanted to set up an appointment for Monday, July 7th, with his business partner, if Sam could see his way free to return to New York. Sam told him he was pretty sure that would not be a problem, but he would have to get back with him on it. They were certain Gavlik was going to introduce him to the Sollecito family.

"Okay, people. Looks like we get a little reprieve from the case. Gavlik is going on vacation and we have a lot of folks on leave next week as well. Benson and Stabler are on call this weekend... next week Elliot's off Wednesday through Saturday, Olivia Thursday through Sunday, Munch is on leave all week but back for the weekend, Fin and Lake both working all week and on call for next weekend plus Homicide is sending in two guys to help us cover. Of course, we will return the favor on Labor Day. That's all I have." Cragen shooed them away with his hand and returned to his office.

xxxxxxx

**Out on the Town**

**Saturday Evening, June 28**

Olivia and Rhett had been seeing each other for eight weeks. They had been together nearly every day. The only time they missed seeing each other were during cases that had required Liv to work around the clock. The ongoing Tarasov case nearly killed both of them because with Elliot and Matt undercover, the others had much more work to do and they had to go three days last week without seeing each other and only managed to talk a few times. She had missed him so much it actually hurt.

Their relationship had progressed rather quickly and Liv was amazed at how comfortable she was with it. She figured they had spent three or four times as much time together in the last eight weeks than she had with Dean the four months they had been together. She was still trying to sort out her feelings for sure, but she was almost ready to admit that she had fallen in love with Rhett Chapman.

She was pretty sure the feelings were mutual. He had asked her to come with him to a reunion over the July 4th weekend. He wanted her to meet his family. She knew that was a serious step. She had agreed to go. Looking at her watch, she realized he would be there at any moment. He had told her to dress up really nice for their evening out. She checked herself in the mirror one more time just as she heard the knock at her door.

"Whoa! Liv you look sensational!" Rhett leaned to kiss her softly.

She had on a simple, straight cut, navy blue dress and silver sandals laced with small, colored beads. The dress was more casual than dressy, but it was elegant. She had on silver hoop earrings and a plain silver herring bone necklace.

"Thank you...you don't look so bad yourself, handsome!" She smoothed the lapel of his navy blue suit. He had on a white shirt and a red tie. He was so good looking, she thought. And he's mine! She could help the huge grin that graced her features.

"What you grinning about, Benson?" He grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

Her laugher was throaty and teasing. "Wouldn't you like to know, Chapman?"

"I'll torture you later for your secrets, but we need to head out...reservations are at 6:00 and it's 5:30 now." He took her arm and led her out.

xxxxxxxx

**Babbo's **

**Saturday, June 28**

One of the things about Rhett that she absolutely loved was how he surprised her sometimes on their dates. He wouldn't call and ask if she wanted to go to a movie or out to eat. Instead, once she agreed to a date, he would tell her how to dress but not why.

He had done it just last Sunday. He told her to wear jeans, t-shirt and boots that she wouldn't mind getting dirty. He took her out to a friends place in the country and they rode four wheelers all day over dirt roads and muddy bogs. He had packed them a picnic lunch and they sat on a hill overlooking the beautiful grassy fields and woods below. She loved it.

He told her that while he enjoyed the usual dates of movies and plays, he wanted to do things that gave them an opportunity to spend time together talking and really getting to know one another.

Tonight he told her to dress up a bit and to be hungry. She was surprised when the cab pulled up at her favorite restaurant. Babbo Ristorante e Enoteca. She loved Babbo's! The food was awesome! The atmosphere was casual but not too much and she loved to sit upstairs. It was quieter and much more romantic.

The waiter led them to their table. Upstairs. Rhett remembered what she had said the first time they came here about preferring to be upstairs. When they approached the table, Liv noticed there was a long white box lying there with a red ribbon and bow around it. She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

"What's this?" She looked up at Rhett. He was beaming.

"Just something special for a very special lady." He kissed her lightly on top of her head.

She started to open the box, but he reached out and put his hand over hers. "I want you to wait until after dinner, okay?"

"After dinner?" She whined. "You show a woman a beautifully wrapped gift and tell her she cannot open it yet? Is this one of your forms of torture you were talking about earlier?"

He laughed, put the box aside, and waited as the waiter held her chair for her to be seated.

xxxxxxx

Dinner was wonderful. She ordered one of her favorite pastas, the homemade orecchiette with sweet sausage and rapini while Rhett had their black spaghetti with rock shrimp. Together they shared the grilled ribeye with roasted potatoes, garlic, rosemary and aceto manodori. Though she was stuffed, Rhett insisted that they split a dessert. He loved their chocolate hazelnut cake with orange sauce and hazelnut gelato.

"Ooooh...I think I have gained fifteen pounds since we got here..." Olivia leaned back and groaned, rubbing her stomach.

"Well, actually, I don't mind fat women." He winked at her as he smiled.

She rolled her eyes at him. "So far tonight you have threatened to torture me, given me a gift and immediately took it away and now you're calling me fat? I think I need a new boyfriend!" She teased, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

He got up and went to her side of the booth, sliding in next to her. "No, Olivia. I am the last boyfriend you're ever going to have!"

"Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you, Chapman?" She poked him with her elbow.

He held the box in his right hand and put his left arm around her shoulder. "Extremely. Before you open it, I just want you to know...these past eight weeks have been the happiest in my life. You have become the most special person I know, Olivia." He kissed her softly on the lips and handed her the box.

Opening it, she kept looking at him. Inside was a hand-written note...a poem. She picked it up and began to read it out loud.

_She likes to swing, she likes to slide, Gonna keep this lady by my side._

_Flipping frisbees, skipping stones, Love to watch her with ice cream cones. _

_I was free as the kite, flying high in the park, Until Liv came along and stole my heart._

_With love, Rhett _

"Rhett...that is so sweet. I just love your poems!" He had written several short ones to her, usually about a date. She turned her attention back to the long-stemmed red rose with the red ribbon. Attached to the ribbon on it was a key ring with tiny silver charms. Picking it up for a closer look she began to laugh.

"Oh, Rhett! It's perfect!" She hugged and kissed him. They both laughed and the smiles seem plastered to their faces.

The charms hanging from the key ring were an ice cream cone, a kite, a frisbee, a miniature coin and a heart. Mementos of their first date at the park.

"I looked all over for a hot dog charm...guess there's no market for those. And the coin took the place of the stones." He smiled.

"Rhett...this is so unusual and so thoughtful. I love it!" She fingered each charm.

"I want you to always remember our first date." He reached for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers, brought her hand up and kissed her palm. "Look on the heart."

She held the tiny heart and turned it over. Liv & Rhett - May 4, 2008

"It is so sweet." She rubbed the heart between her fingers.

"I couldn't decide whether to put the date we met or the date of our first date...I went with the first date since all the charms are from the day in the park." He explained to her.

"Rhett...thank you. It's the most special, most thoughtful gift I have ever received." She leaned over to kiss him properly. Pulling away from him, she noticed something else.

Attached on the ring itself was a single key. As she touched it, she looked up at him with a puzzled look. "It's to my condo." He stated, the smile fading away into a serious look.

She continued to just look at him. Though they had been together eight weeks, and their relationship was very intense they had not been physical. It took a lot of will power on both their parts. He told her he wanted their relationship to be different from those he had with other women where sex was just a given.

He felt a connection to her much deeper than just physically. He felt tied to her by mind, heart and soul. It was different, stronger than anything he had ever felt for anyone and he wanted to wait, if it was okay with her. This relationship was very special to him. Well, what do you do with this, she wondered? A guy who did not want to jump in the sack? That had never happened to her before.

Not that he didn't want to, she knew he was just as red-blooded as any other guy she had dated, but he held that aspect of his relationship with her in higher regards. She could wait. After all she had waited for Elliot for nearly nine years, even though nothing ever came of it. So, what was with the key? Was he saying he thought they were ready? She had gotten the impression that when he said wait, he meant until marriage. He was Catholic, after all.

She held the key. "Your condo?" Her voice the barest whisper.

"Yea...I don't...I don't know how to tell you this, Liv..." He looked away and took a deep breath. She heard the dread in his voice. "I've got an...an assignment...over seas..."

She stared at him, unsure of the words she had just heard. "Assignment? Over...seas..." She trailed off, and her heart stopped. "Where?"

"Afghanistan." He looked at her now, watching as tears welled in her eyes. Pulling her to him, he took her hand holding the key, and squeezed it tightly. "Liv...I'm...I'm...sorry."

"Afghanistan...when?" She wanted to cover her ears. If she didn't hear the answer, she could pretend it was not true.

"I leave July 7th ...be gone three weeks." He whispered, as she leaned into him.

"July 7th...that's a week and a half away...three weeks? Three weeks? I can't...I can't be without you that long..." At that moment, her heart forgot how to beat and her lungs forgot how to breathe. "Rhett, I can't!"

She dropped the key ring and turned, grasping wildly for him, the tears pouring down her face. She began kissing him, his lips, his jaw, his nose, his cheek.. She pulled him closely to her as wave after wave of pain washed over her. She had never felt like this. Never.

He held her tightly with his left arm, pulling her to him. His right hand tried to erase the tears on her cheeks, only to have them instantly replaced by new ones. Her sobs, muffled in his chest, tore at his heart. He was a former Marine. A man. He was not one to cry very easily. He had seen too much. But now, he felt his own hot tears cascading down his cheeks, down his neck, even as he tried to comfort her. The only word he could think of that described how he felt about Olivia was 'amazed'. He was amazed at how deeply, how completely, how quickly she had worked her way under his skin, into his heart, becoming his life blood. Her joy was his and her pain as well.

"Shhh...shhh...Liv, Liv...baby...it will be all right, sweetheart...shhh..." His voice was low, soothing. She was trembling beside him and he thought he had never felt such pain...as though someone were literally stabbing him in the heart.

He held her as close as he could. He rubbed her back, tangled his hands in her hair and massaged her neck. He patted her shoulder and reached around to pull her hair from her face. He leaned in to kiss her, whispering words of comfort. After several minutes, she finally began to quiet down.

Finally, she pulled away a little. "I'm sorry...I...don't usually get this emotional..." She sniffled.

"Guess that means you think I'm pretty special, huh?" He tried to lighten the mood. It did not work.

Her tears spilled over again. "More special than anyone in my life, ever! What am I supposed to do without you?"

"I won't be gone forever...it will be hard...believe me, it will be hard. But before you know it, I'll be home again." He held her face with his hands and looked into her eyes.

"When did you find out?" She asked.

"Two days ago. I wanted to wait until I knew exactly when before I told you. The key is for a couple of reasons...I need someone to look after Tiger...and I thought if you wanted, you could just stay at my place..."

"Maybe I will...it would be like being close to you somehow...and you know I love cats even though I am allergic to them. I'll just take extra allergy medication and Tiger and I will miss you together." She finally smiled again.

"Come on. Let's get out of here...the evening is not over." He looked around for the waiter.

**Washington Square Park**

**Saturday, June 28**

Within minutes they were outside in the warm summer evening. It would still be daylight for another hour or so. He took her hand and tucked it under his arm, holding it with both of his. She leaned her head against his shoulder as they walked down the street. He hailed a cab and handed the driver a note.

"Where are we going?" Olivia asked, extremely curious.

"You'll see." He kissed the tip of her nose and grinned, please with himself.

Ten minutes later they were at Riverside Park, the same park of their first date. "There's a beautiful sunset...let's go sit by the river and watch it." Olivia suggested.

Surprisingly, they found an empty bench near the water. She took off her heels and wiggled her toes in the cool grass. They watched as the sun began to disappear behind the buildings of the skyline. When it was almost gone, but still light, Rhett stood and pulled Liv up with him. He led her to the swings.

"Sit down, I'll push." He held a swing for her.

"Not too high...I have on a dress." She warned, dropping her shoes by the leg of the swing frame.

He pushed her for a few minutes before a little boy and his father playing with a remote control boat in the water fountain pool caught his attention.

"I'll be right back." He told a puzzled Olivia.

She continued to swing, just barely. Thinking about Rhett being gone for three weeks made her feel sick to her stomach and weepy again. She wondered where he went and then suddenly there he was in front of her.

"You want to walk?" She put her shoes back on and he lead her up the path to the fountain.

They stood by the side of the pool watching the man and his son play with the boat. A family on the other side had given two young girls a handful of coins and they were throwing them in. Olivia watched as the ripples extended out from each spot where a coin had entered the water.

The puttering sound of a motor caught her attention. She glanced to see the motorized toy boat skimming the pool next to her. "Hey, lady...will you catch my boat? It's not working right." The young boy called to her, waving and smiling.

Looking down, she reached for the boat and saw a piece of paper with her name written across it. She looked at Rhett and saw he was acting like he had no clue as he shrugged at her. She picked up the boat and then realized that the paper was attached to a small black velvet covered box. A ring box.

Her mouth fell open as she took the box off of the boat. Her hands began to tremble. Rhett took the boat and put it back in the water, giving the boy and his dad the thumbs up sign. As she opened the box, Rhett cupped her left hand with his right hand and put his left over her right, helping her open it. Inside was a magnificent white gold diamond engagement ring. The main diamond was a brilliant round cut ½ carat, flanked by five princess cut accent stones on each side of the band. The first stone on each side were emeralds, the others diamonds. It was an unusual ring and quite stunning.

"It's so beautiful..." She gasped, barely able to speak.

"Liv...I love you. I am in love with you. I have never felt like this before in my life. Olivia Benson...will you make me the happiest man in the world? Will you marry me?" He gazed into her tear filled eyes as his sparkled with tears of his own.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Throwing her arms around his neck, he picked her up and swung her around. She was laughing and crying. "And I love you, too! Oh, Rhett, I do! I love you so much!"

He put her down and held her hand as he slipped the ring onto her finger. "I had the two diamonds on each side replaced with emeralds because that is the birth stone for May and we met in May."

"That is so romantic! How on earth are you still single?" She was overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness.

"I was waiting to find you, Liv. My Liv." Whispering to her, he thought surely, his heart would burst with happiness.

"Oh...I couldn't figure out where to put this..." He pulled a piece of paper from his jacket pocket and handed it to her.

Opening it, she found it was another hand-written poem.

_With her smile so bright and eyes of brown, I sensed a pull from way, way down_

_My heart, in its own way, trying to speak, To tell me of finding a love so deep_

_That never again would I have to wonder, For here before me stood my significant other_

_From the first day I met her, the connection, the bond, I knew with no doubt it was for life_

_Our hearts, our minds, our souls entwined, this was the woman who'd be my wife. _

_And all my love to her I would give, Forever, to this kind, beautiful woman, my Liv. _

_All my love forever, Rhett_

She started crying again and wiping the tears away, she turned to him. "Someone must have told you that poetry would get you major points with a woman! It's just...beautiful!"

"Just like you..." He told her, kissing her.

She wrapped he arms around his neck. "When do you want to get married?" She asked, moving her hand around to watch her ring as it caught the last of the sunlight and glittered.

"I don't want to rush you...but you tell me the day and I'll be there!" He grinned.

"Well...neither of us have been married before...do you want a big wedding? A lot of people there? Well...it's not like I would have a lot of people to invite...just the squad and few friends and Simon and Lucy. Oh...you're Catholic...you want a church wedding? Priest to marry us? Will they do that if I am not Catholic? You know what? Maybe this is why I never got married before...too many things to decide!" She rolled her eyes.

He laughed and hugged her to him. "Whatever you want is fine with me, Liv. Big church, small chapel, the living room of my condo, justice of peace, my Mom's backyard...I don't care. As long as the bottom line is you become my wife...Mrs. Olivia Benson Chapman."

The smile on her face was so wide, it hurt. "Mrs. Olivia Benson Chapman...Mrs. Everett Chapman...Mrs. Chapman...Mrs. Rhett Chapman...Olivia Chapman...Liv Chapman...Detective Chapman." Olivia tried out her new name to be. The one she did not say out loud was 'Chapman and Stabler'. Telling Elliot was not a scenario she wanted to envision just now. "I love it! And I love you!" She looked at him and wondered again how she would live without him for three weeks.

"We aren't getting married tomorrow so we will have a bit of time to decide exactly what we want, okay? How about we rent a movie and go back to your place to watch it?" He asked.

"Sure...right after we go by Casey's and show her the ring!" She laughed as they left the park.

xxxxxxx


	20. Anything

**A/N: **_WHOA! Emotions are running high and all over the board! From one end to the other! One minute I thought I was going to be lynched and the next I was patting myself on the back. You are such loyal readers, I feel I must be honest with you, therefore, I have a couple of confessions to make: 1) When I first thought of this story, I had a general idea of what was going to play out and happen to my characters...but now... 2) Even I, _a die hard, hard core EO shipper_, have found that I have made Rhett to be such a great guy and Olivia loves him _so_ much...that I don't know if I can break her heart. And mine!_ Help! _What do I need to do with Rhett? I may or may not take your idea into consideration...I _do _still have a plan...I just don't feel good about it like I did when I was running this story in my mind._

**Chapter 20 - Anything**

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday, June 30**

Walking into the precinct Monday morning, Olivia was still in the best mood and so happy she just could not keep the smile off her face. Even when she saw Elliot, the smile remained. He looked at her curiously, but did not ask about her good mood.

Though technically she had forgiven him for his comments about her mother and they had made up, things remained stilted between them. After the night of shared kisses things became even more awkward and uncomfortable, though it seemed at times they got along fine. She knew he was not happy at home, but not from him. She heard things here and there and Casey heard a good bit, too. Once, she would have done anything for things to work out between her and Elliot, but now she was so wrapped up in Rhett, that for the most part she did not give Elliot the time of day.

Though technically they continued to be partners, more often than not Cragen mixed them up, putting Munch with Elliot and Fin or Lake with Olivia. He knew things were still off between them and wanted to keep the friction in the unit to a minimum. That was fine by her. Though she did accept his apologies and she had been able to keep them from kissing again, she had decided that Elliot just caused too much stress in her life and the less she had to be around him the better off she would be. They would be. Now that she had Rhett, Elliot had almost become a nonissue in her life. Almost.

There were still times she would catch him looking at her and she saw in his eyes what she had known to be true for a couple of years now. He loved her. She knew he did. Seeing it in his eyes, made her heart clench with the realization that she still loved him as well. She had pretty much come to terms with the fact that she would always love him. But, now she loved Rhett, too. Maybe even more in some ways. She never used to think it was possible to love two men at the same time...romantically, that is. But, she did, so now she knew it was possible.

**Cragen's Office**

**Monday, June 30**

Knocking at Captain Cragen's door, she was suddenly nervous. "Come in." He called out.

"Hey, Cap'n. You got a minute?" She felt like her face was going to crack and fall off from smiling so much.

"Olivia...good morning. Have a seat. From the look on your face, it is definitely a good morning. What's going on?" He couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Uh...I have something to ask you...and...uh...I wanted you to know before everyone else..." She was twisting her hands and looking everywhere but at him.

"Just tell me you are not asking for a transfer again so I can calm down." His smile began to fade.

"No...no." She hesitated, then smiled really big. "Rhett asked me to marry him! I said yes!" The grin and sparkle in her eyes were unmistakable. Olivia Benson was in love.

"Liv, that is wonderful news." He got up to hug her. "I am so happy for the two of you." Cragen had met Rhett at a cookout at Casey's several weeks ago and really liked him.

Elliot had pretended to be working when Liv came in and put her things on her desk. He nodded at her but did not speak. Neither did she. She went to the restroom and from there went to Cragen's office and shut the door. His stomach was in immediate knots, fearing that she was going to ask for another partner...permanently...or she was telling him she was leaving...again.

He tried not to watch, but could not help it. He saw her still smiling, saw Cragen break out into a big smile and get up and hug her. Oh, no. She was leaving. That had to be it. Had to be. Elliot thought he was going to have to throw up. Glancing over at the trash can, he mentally gaged how long it would take him to make it there. He looked back to Cragen's office. Would he be smiling if Liv was leaving? No. What was going on?

"Thank you. We still haven't decided when or where, but I wanted to ask you something..." She hesitated because of the lump in her throat. Don Cragen had become like a father to her and she loved him dearly.

"Anything, Olivia. Anything." Seeing the tears in her eyes, he realized she was choking up and put his arm around her, patting her shoulder.

"You've been the father I never had, Don, and...well...I would be so...so...honored if you would give me away." She wiped away the tears falling from her eyes.

He hugged her again and then pulled her away to look her in the eyes. "Honey, I am the one who is honored that you think enough of me to ask and I would be deeply honored to give my girl to that fine young man." He smiled and this time she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

As she started to leave, he stopped her. "Have you told Elliot, yet?" His face was serious now.

She shook her head and bit her lower lip. "Uh...no...not yet. I doubt he will even care..." She trailed off.

"Liv...you _know_ better...it won't be good...he won't take it well...even I know that...why don't you take him aside, use one of the interrogation rooms and let him know before you tell the rest of the crew."

She bit at her lower lip again and nodded her head. "You're probably right."

She knew Cragen was right. She had wanted to tell Elliot over the weekend, but simply could not work up the courage to call him. She did know that he would not take it well and she was trying to fool herself, and not doing a very good job, by saying he would not even care.

Elliot was more than puzzled now. It was totally unlike Captain Cragen to show such obvious affection. It was equally unlike Liv to be smiling so much and apparently crying, too. He had to find out what that conversation was about or he would go nuts.

**SVU Squad Room**

**Monday, June 30**

Munch, Fin and Lake were not about to let her get by with all that smiling and being in such a good mood without some good natured kidding. She had just come out of Cragen's office and was walking back to her desk.

"Hey, Liv...what are you so happy about? Cragen decide to make me your permanent partner?" Lake grinned and waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Don't you wish!" She shot back, laughing.

"Nah, man. She found out he _ain't_ gonna put you with her no more...that's why she so happy!" Fin told Lake.

Munch, ever the observant detective, noticed the ring. He was just trying to figure out a way to let it be known without coming right out and pointing to it.

"Say, Olivia...I really like your outfit...and your choice of jewelry compliments it wonderfully." Munch told her.

She looked down at her outfit, one she had worn dozens of times. Looking at Munch strangely, she raised an eyebrow at him. "Thanks, Munch."

Turning to Elliot, she called to him. "Hey, Elliot...you got a minute?" She nodded toward the hallway.

"Uh...yea...just a sec." He started to log off his computer.

Lake was mulling over Munch's comment about jewelry and checking out Liv's necklaces...they were the same ones she wore nearly every day. Nothing special about the gold hoop earrings she was wearing, either. She still had the same men's Breitling watch and she rarely wore rings. But there on her left hand sat a ring. A new ring. On her ring finger. Lake jumped up and ran over to Liv.

"Oh, man! Liv! Let me see this!" He grabbed her left hand, catching her completely off guard. Holding it up, he shouted. "Hey, look everybody! Liv's got an engagement ring! Way to go, Liv! When did he ask you? Wow! Hey, everybody! Liv and Rhett are engaged!"

Liv's heart jumped into her throat as her stomach constricted with actual physical pain. Chancing a look at Elliot, she realized Cragen was right about how he would take the news. He had gone pale and looked quite sick to his stomach. She was so sorry it happened like this. She should have told him over the weekend or at least before she came to work. Well, at least now he couldn't go off on her like he probably would have in private. But knowing Elliot, she figured that was still to come.

Munch rolled his eyes. So much for subtleness. Leave it to Lake to blurt out the first thing that popped into his head. He would have to have a word with him later. Looking at Elliot, Munch found himself feeling sorry for him. He looked terrible. Should of made a move on her when you have the chance, Stabler, Munch thought to himself, shaking his head.

Fin got up and came over, as did a couple of unis, a clerk and a secretary in the room. "So, girl, when'd you plan on telling your brothers this good news?" Fin asked, as he turned her hand over checking out the ring. "Man, that is some kind of rock...or rocks! How many are there?"

"Unusual for an engagement ring...but very beautiful. Exquisite. Why the emeralds?" Munch asked, holding her hand as he scrutinized the ring.

"We met in May and emeralds are May's birth stone." Liv explained. She looked past Munch to try to see Elliot again.

She saw him drag his hands over his face and then lean over his desk, both hands on the edge. He stood, took a deep breath and looked right at her. Their eyes connected and in that instant she felt physically everything evident in his eyes...the deep hurt, the intense pain, unbearable anguish in his eyes. His gaze dropped away and he picked up his keys and cell phone, turned and left the squad room. She watched him until he was out of sight. She wanted nothing more than to run after him, but there were too many people milling around trying to see her ring and she knew it would be too obvious. So, she stayed there, not sure if her heart breaking was for her best friend, herself or both.

-- - - -

**Streets of NYC**

**Monday, June 30**

Elliot needed air. He could barely suck in enough to maintain consciousness. He felt lightheaded and dizzy. If only he could throw up, he would feel better. Who was he kidding? He could throw up every day for the rest of his life and he would never feel better. Liv was engaged. Liv was getting married. His Liv. She was moving on. She had moved on. But he did not want her to move on. He would give anything for things to be different. To be able to be with her.

He was so messed up in the head. How could he begrudge her finding someone to love, to be with, to spend her life with, to belong to? She belonged to him, that's why he could begrudge her this happiness. No. If he loved her, and, God help him, he did, he would want her to find the happiness, the love that he could not give her, no matter how desperately he wanted to do just that.

Almost as bad as hearing she was getting married, was the fact that he was not even aware of how serious she and Rhett had become. He knew they were dating, but he had no idea things had progressed to this point. They had only been seeing each other a couple of months. How serious can you get in such a short length of time? He had never seen this guy or even a picture of him, other than the blacked out ones. He heard she brought him to Casey's cookout, but Lizzie had a softball game that night and he could not go. But everyone else from the squad was there and they all liked the guy.

Liv rarely talked to him and certainly never offered any personal tidbits. She barely had time for him now. Especially after he had kissed her. She kissed him back, but she was adamant that it was not to happen again. He knew he had only himself to blame. He was the one who had started ignoring her. What he knew about her now came from overhearing conversations among his colleagues. He would never ask them about her. That was much too obvious. He was married and he should not care what she did with her private life. But he did. Care, that is. Too much.

Why? Why didn't he act on his feelings in those two years he and Kathy were separated? If he had, he wouldn't be in this position right now. In fact, he might be the one Liv was engaged to marry. The thought of her being married caused his breath to hitch again. What if he had never gone to Kathy that night? What if he had just been man enough to admit their marriage was a failure, he was a failure and baby or no baby, it just was not going to work? He would not be walking the crowded streets of New York City, watching helplessly as his world spins out of control before him and wondering how to stop the confusion that was permeating his mind.

He walked two blocks, five, then ten. He lost count and when he looked up, he realized he had walked nearly ten miles. He glanced at his watch. It was 11:45. He had been gone from the precinct more than three hours. He flipped his phone open to call Cragen and saw that Cragen had called him three times, Liv four. What did she think she possibly had to say to him now? He dialed the Captain's number.

"Elliot! Where are you?" Cragen asked, sounding worried rather than angry as Elliot had expected.

"I...I don't know...not exactly...listen...I'm not coming back in...not today...I just..." Words wouldn't come.

Cragen could hear Elliot's uneven breathing. "Elliot...you have to face it sooner or later...are you okay?" Cragen knew he was upset about Liv.

"Uh...no...no...I'm not okay...I...uh...I'll see you tomorrow...all right?" He sounded lost, hopeless.

"Elliot...you'll get past this..." He said it even though he did not, for one minute, believe Elliot would get past this. Not in this lifetime.

"No...no, Sir...I don't...don't think this is...uh...something I can get over...ever...not ever..." His voiced cracked as a gut wrenching sob escaped.

"Elliot...remember...I'm a call away...you hear me, son?" Cragen was really worried about him.

"Yea...thanks, Don...thanks." He sniffled and flipped the phone shut and right there in the middle of a crowded New York City street during lunchtime, he doubled over, put his hands on his knees and lost every ounce of emotional control he had left. The sobs wracked his body, the tears soaked his face and dripped onto the sidewalk beneath him. He was shaking uncontrollably. He had to get a grip, but he had no idea how.

Two men came up to him, asking if he needed help. He let them guide him to table at a sidewalk café. Eventually, he ordered a soda and a sandwich, thinking maybe he was shaking from not eating breakfast or lunch. He sat there staring at the sandwich, nauseated just by the sight of it. He sipped on the soda. He sat there for hours. Looking at his watch, he saw it was late afternoon. He should go home. Home. Where was home? He did not feel like he belonged in his home anymore. He knew he did not belong with Kathy. He truly thought he might be on the edge of insanity. He stood, hailed a cab and climbed in.

- - - - -

**Benson Residence**

**Monday Evening, June 30**

Olivia finished making her salad and took it, along with a glass of wine to the living room. She turned on the TV to a news channel and began to eat. The news was about the war in Iraq and that only made her think of Rhett leaving so she switched the channels, settling for an old 'I Love Lucy' episode. At least it made her laugh. She loved Lucille Ball.

Rhett had a dinner meeting with the rest of the news crew that would be traveling to Afghanistan and told her he had no idea how late they would be. She tried not to think of him leaving. She also tried not to think of Elliot.

Nearly a dozen times today, she had hit #1 and send. Nearly a dozen times she heard the message: 'This is Detective Elliot Stabler, NYPD. If you have a true emergency, please hang up and dial 911. Otherwise, leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks.' Beep. Nearly a dozen times she felt her heart break just a little more. She knew he would not answer and yet she kept ringing him. She did not know what she intended to say if he happened to answer. But she was worried about him and just wanted to know that he was all right...just needed to hear his voice...that he had not done something stupid. Cragen was worried, too...she could tell by the way his voice sounded when he kept asking her if she had heard from Elliot...tight, lower than normal. And knowing Cragen was worried about him, made her more worried than she already was.

She would do anything to roll back the clock and do today over. She wished she had found it in her yesterday to call or go see him to tell him her news. She should have told him even before she told Cragen. Once upon a time, he would have been the first to know because he would have known most of the details of her relationship. If she had not freely told him, he would have sensed it, would have known because he always knew her. Always. But since he had chosen to ignore her for so long, she had finally gotten used to not sharing things with him. He did not know her anymore. She did not know him either. And somehow along the way, she had grown used to it. No matter. At some point they were going to have to discuss her engagement and upcoming wedding.

- - - - - -

**Cragen Residence**

**Monday Night, June 30**

The house was dark and quiet. He had gone to bed early for a change. He did not think he would be able to sleep at all with his mind reeling from Liv's news and Elliot's reaction to it. He wished that boy had done something about Olivia years ago. It was clear to just about everyone that knew them that were soul mates. They belonged together. He had been so sure when Elliot separated from Kathy that it was just a matter of time before he had to split up his best team permanently because Stabler and Stabler wouldn't fly for 1PP or IAB. They did not want partners dating, let alone being married.

Sound asleep, his mind made the noises echoing throughout the house part of his dream. The banging became louder, more persistent. The ringing of the bell nonstop. He began to stir, groaning as he realized someone was at the door. Pushing the covers aside, he threw his legs over the edge of the bed and stretched. Slipping into his robe, he headed downstairs.

Looking through the side window, he could see two uniformed police officers. What the heck? Opening the door, he realized his heart was in his throat. It's never good when police show up at your door late at night, even if you _are_ a police captain. Maybe _especially_ if you are a police captain.

"Captain Cragen? Sorry to wake you, Sir. I'm Officer McWhorter. This is Officer Rodriquez from the 7th. Our captain told us to take this directly to you so you could make the decision as to how to proceed." He held out an NYPD badge in a clear evidence bag.

Cragen looked down at it as he took it from the officer. 6313. Elliot. He felt sick to his stomach.

"The badge was found on Avenue D about ten fifteen by one of our beat cops." He then handed Cragen a wallet, also encased in a clear evidence bag. "This was found down the street about half a block from the badge."

He opened the wallet and stared at Elliot's picture on his license. What was he doing in Alphabet City? "I thought he went home..." Cragen said out loud, but really to himself.

"Excuse me, Sir." The officer tilted his head toward him.

"Nothing. Was there anything else...sign of a struggle...witnesses?" Cragen looked back and forth between the two officers.

"No, Sir." Officer McWhorter shook his head.

"And...uh...no sign of Detective Stabler?" It was an unnecessary question.

"No, Sir. I'm sorry, Sir." Officer McWhorter looked closely at the Captain, who was quite pale and his face wrinkled with worry. "Sir, are you all right?"

Cragen looked at him blankly. "He's like a son to me..." His voice trailed off.

"I'm sure there's an explanation for this and Detective Stabler is fine, Sir." The officer's voice was considerably softer as he spoke.

"Yes...yes, I'm sure there is. All right. Thank you, Officers. Tell Captain Braun 'thank you' and that I will be in contact with him as soon as I know something." Cragen nodded at the two policemen and watched as they turned and left. He closed the door and sighed as he looked once again at Elliot's wallet and badge.

Something was seriously wrong for Elliot to have become parted from his badge. Holding back the rising wave of panic, Cragen tried to think of logical reasons why he held the badge of one of his detectives in his hand instead of the tragic ones that insisted on bombarding and filling his mind. There had been no call from Kathy like he would have thought had Elliot not gone home. Maybe he somehow lost the badge and wallet, but was safe and sound at home.

Let's start with the obvious, he thought. He called Elliot's cell phone. It went straight to voice mail. It could be turned off or the battery died. Or it may not be on his person. No. He always had it nearby and on in case they got called out on a case. Or he may not be able to answer it. Why? Sick or hurt? This was doing nothing to quell the fear threatening to overtake him. He called the precinct and had them check the crib. No Elliot. He took a deep breath and glanced at the clock on the microwave. Eleven twenty-seven p.m. Late enough that Kathy was probably asleep. Well, there was no way around it...he had to call her. One ring, two, three, four.

"Elliot?" Kathy's sleep laden voice sent chills down the Captain's back. He was not at home.

"No...Kathy...it's Don Cragen..." Before he could explain, she freaked out.

"Oh, no. NO! What's wrong? What happened? Is he all right?" She was wide awake and frantic.

"To be truthful, Kathy...I don't know. Two officers from another precinct just brought me his badge and wallet found by one of their beat cops." He began telling her what little he knew.

"Where did they find it?" The fear in her voice was palpable.

"Avenue D..." He started but was interrupted once again.

"Avenue D? What was he doing in Alphabet City? Was he on a case? Could something have gone wrong with that? Olivia would have been with him...she would know." She asked.

Kathy did not even know that Elliot and Olivia rarely partnered anymore, Cragen thought. Things must be bad between them if Elliot had not shared this kind of information with her.

"No...they weren't on a case. He's not answering his cell phone. I was hoping he was at home, since you haven't called looking for him." He was really worried now.

"Oh, my God...he never came home. We...we...fought all weekend...and I just thought he was staying at the precinct...that's why I didn't call...something's happened to him...I just know it..." She began to cry.

"Let's try not to jump to conclusions, Kathy...I have a couple of other calls to make...we'll find him." He tried to give her hope that he himself was not feeling, in the least.

He debated asking her this because he knew it would bring more questions, but he needed to know where to start looking, if Olivia did not know where he was. "Kathy, one more thing...can you think of anywhere he might have gone...to get away...to think?"

"No...why would you ask that?" She sniffled.

"When he...uh...left the precinct early this morning, he was extremely upset...he called me a couple of hours later and said he would not be back in today...I figured he just needed time to think..." He held his breath waiting for her answer, not telling her what he was upset about. He knew she would assume their fight.

"Don? What happened? Why was he upset?" She was clearly upset by this question.

"That really doesn't matter right now, does it?" He was hoping to steer her away from insisting to know.

"He's my husband! Yes, it matters! Tell me what he was upset about, Don!" She demanded.

"I'm sorry, Kathy, but I'm not at liberty to say." No way was he going to tell her why Elliot was upset. Not a chance.

There was a long silence and then a heavy sigh. "Olivia would know...he may even be there..." She trailed off.

She didn't even know that Olivia and Elliot rarely talked, knew very little about each other these days. Apparently, Elliot did not talk to Kathy either. Cragen shook his head.

"Yea...Olivia's one of the calls I need to make...I'll let you know what I find out...I'm sorry to upset you like this..." The knot in his stomach was getting tighter with each passing minute.

"Okay...okay. Just, please let me know."

He ended the call and quickly made the next one, hoping, praying that this was the only call he had to make tonight.

- - - - -


	21. Admit

**A/N:**_ WOW! The response to the last chapter was overwhelming! First, off let me say this - it _WILL_ be EO!! I just have to regroup and figure out what to do with Rhett...cause I really do like him. You guys have given me some great ideas...still can't promise what I will or won't do or what will happen other than it has to be EO. That's what I am all about! But, I do so love the angst! So, just hang with me. " ) Bensler_

**RH312** _- You hit the nail on the head with your comment... 'I think this story has gone beyond it's author's expectations and took on a life of its own.' That really sums up how I feel about this story. Now, if it will only go and get itself published or at the very least get Dick's attention and make me rich! LOL!_

**PollyRain**_ - I am deeply honored that my story was the reason for you registering to review. Your comments are appreciated very much. I look forward to hearing more from you._

**xoc**_ - You cracked me up with your 'I don't think I've ever read anything that quickly in my life!' How about writing quickly and please, please make a sequel to 'Slip'!? " )_

**spindle**_ - Chill out , girlfriend...no need to freak out...it will be all right. I promise._

**tamk3**_ - I laughed out loud with your statement 'I think it's time to get a prescription for blood pressure medication.' If you have calmed down enough , keep reading. _

_**xxxxxxxxxxx**_

**Chapter 21 - Admit**

**Streets of NYC**

**Monday Evening, June 30**

The hours spent in Charlie's Bar and Grill did nothing to ease the excruciating pain he felt. There wasn't enough whiskey or rum combined in the state of New York to numb the agony that washed over and through him every time he thought of Olivia marrying someone else. The anguish filled every crevice, every crack of his being. He should have gone home. Not some sleazy bar in a neighborhood he had never been in except to investigate a crime.

He had intended to tell the cabbie his home address, but then he just told him to drive. When he saw the bar, he had the driver stop and let him out. The realization that he had not called Kathy, fleetingly crossed his mind. He was sure she would be mad. He was even more sure that he did not care. Not one bit. He downed the rest of the whiskey in his glass, threw some bills on the counter and stumbled out the door.

Leaning against the rough brick of the building, he took a couple of deep shaky breaths and glanced first up and then down the street. Not seeing a cab, he started walking, or more appropriately...stumbling, in what he thought was the direction he needed to go. He was so drunk and so in another realm thinking about Liv, that he did not hear or process the sounds that would have warned his detective's ears that danger was imminent. Lurking just behind him.

If he had been sober, he would have sensed the danger, heard the quickly approaching footsteps and scuffling of the three men behind him. But he was aware of nothing until he felt a hand on his arm roughly turning him around. He stumbled, nearly falling, but was caught by one of the men accosting him.

"Hey, man...whatcha doin' out here alone?" One of the thugs asked, shoving him.

"Yea...this ain't yo' turf, man...you gonna hafta pay!" He held his hand out for Elliot to give him money.

Elliot, though drunk as could be, was still Elliot. The anger rose within him and pushed its way out in mere seconds. His fists clenched and he started swinging. "You aren't getting anything but this from me, punk!"

That he actually landed the blow was surprising. But, he was not quick enough to dodge the one that responded to it, connecting with his jaw. He fell backward to the ground, but rolled and managed to get up just in time for the second man to punch him in the eye. He fell once more and two of them began to kick him. The third reached into his pockets, finding his wallet and something he was not bargaining for that struck fear in his heart.

Jumping up, the man waved Elliot's badge in his hand, screaming at this buddies. "Yo, he's a cop! Let's get outta here, man!" He threw the badge at Elliot and they took off into the darkness.

Elliot moaned and groaned as he curled into a tight ball. For a few minutes the physical pain overshadowing the emotional and mental pain of the day. He lay there for a long while, the metallic taste of blood causing his already queasy stomach to finally relieve itself and expel the whiskey and rum. His head pounded, whether from the booze or the beating, he could not tell.

At last, the physical pain from the assault, subsided enough for him to try to stand. He made it to his knees, balancing himself with one hand on the ground while he checked his pockets. His wallet was gone and he couldn't find his badge. He felt for his gun. Thankfully, it was still there, clipped into its holster. Slowly, with much effort, he was able to stand. Judging from how difficult and painful it was to breathe, he was pretty sure he had a broken rib or two. He looked around for his badge but didn't see it. Someone was looking out for him, because minutes later a cab crawled down the dark, lonely street.

- - - - -

**Benson Residence**

**Monday Evening, June 30**

Olivia had dozed off and she thought the buzzing was on television, but then realized it was someone buzzing her apartment from the main door downstairs. Finishing the rest of the wine she was still holding in her hand, she set the glass on the lamp table as she passed it on the way to the door.

Pressing the button on the intercom, she answered. "Yes...who is it?"

"Uh...hey, lady...you Detective Benson?" An unfamiliar, gravelly voice with a pronounced Bronx accent wafted through the speaker.

"Yes...who are you?" She frowned, wondering who this rough sounding man could be.

"Cab driver...got some guy down here...drunk...gave him a ride here and now he tells me he ain't got no money." He told her, unmistakably aggravated.

"Well...I'm sorry but what does that have to do with me?" Now she was irritated that she had been disturbed. NYPD could not police every business transaction.

"Lady...somebody's gotta pay the fare! I don't give no free rides!" He was getting pretty loud and his aggravation was quickly deteriorating into anger.

"I understand that, but I still don't know what you expect me to do." She rolled her eyes.

"This drunk says you are good for the money..." He tried to explain.

"What? Why would he say that?" Now, she was starting to get mad.

She heard him talking to someone in the background. "Says he's your partner...whatever the heck that means."

The blood rushed to her head, roaring in her ears. Oh, no. No. It couldn't be. Oh, yes. Yes, it could. Her heart was racing. She leaned her head against the intercom and closed her eyes, shaking her head. "Give me a sec...I'll be right down." She grabbed her windbreaker by the door, her flip flops, some cash from the kitchen drawer and took off downstairs, nearly losing her balance as she flew down them as fast as possible in flip flops.

The driver, a short, fat, bald man with a several days worth of stubble and his arms crossed, leaned against the cab pulled right in front of her building. In the darkness, she could barely make out a body in the vehicle. She ran down the steps wondering what kind of mess she was getting into this time.

Elliot was lying on the back seat. When he heard her talking to the cab driver, he tried, unsuccessfully, to sit up. It was obvious he would not be moving on his own. She was steamed. Why did he come to her in this state? To her apartment. She knew why. He was upset, drunk and he could not go home. What the heck was she suppose to do with him? Offered an extra twenty, the driver helped her get Elliot up to her apartment.

Now that she had him on her couch, in the light of the lamp, she saw the bruises and scrapes on his face. His right eye was swollen half shut, a purplish stain spread across his left jaw and his lip was split and swollen on the left side as well. Blood streaked down his right cheek from a small but apparently deep cut that was still bleeding. Drops of blood left a trail down the lapel of his gray jacket and a few spots on the wife beater beneath his shirt. If there were any on his shirt she did not notice them because they blended in with the wine color. There were multiple abrasions on his face and hands. Great. Not only was he drunk, but he had apparently been beaten up.

Glad that Rhett had insisted on buying some coffee to keep on hand for him, she put some on to brew, making it extra strong. Then she went to the bathroom for the first aid kit and a wet a washcloth. She pulled the ottoman closer to the couch and sat on it. As she began cleaning his wounds, putting a butterfly strip across the cut and antiseptic on the other wounds, she found herself looking closely at him. He was so familiar, such a part of her life. Of her. She should have told him first. Running her hand over his hair, she leaned over and kissed his forehead. Her heart was ripping in two with the love she felt for him, yet knowing she loved Rhett, too. She only wished there had been a point that she could have felt free enough to admit it to Elliot. To let him know her real feelings about him.

"Oh, El...what a mess we've made...I'm sorry...so sorry it couldn't be different...between us. _With_ us." She whispered softly, unexpected tears springing to her eyes.

He groaned and reached out, his arm flailing in the air, nearly hitting her in the face. She took his hand and laid it on his chest. When she tried to withdraw her hand, he grabbed it and would not let go.

"Olivia? Liv? Don't..." His voice was a desperate, low, hoarse whisper.

"Don't what? Elliot?" She leaned close to hear him. Though he reeked of whiskey, she still caught a whiff of his familiar cologne.

"Don't...don't leave me..." He begged, the last bit of liquor he had swallowed, dragging him back into silence.

"I'm not going anywhere, El." She sighed, rubbing her thumb across his fingers as he held tightly to her hand. She looked at him, bruised and roughed up a good bit, but he was still handsome. Her heart constricted with her feelings for him.

The chiming of her cell phone broke her prolonged, intense examination of Elliot and she pulled her hand from his as he passed out again. She barely got to it in time. "Benson." She was out of breath.

"Hey, Liv. Listen, we just got through and I thought I'd run by for a bit, if that's okay?" Rhett told her.

Rhett. She had forgotten he said he would come by later if it was not too late when they finished the meeting. Whereas, before, she was hoping he would have time to come over, now she feared he would insist upon it. "Rhett, uh...hey...listen...uh...you know...something's come up with work...I'm going to have to pass on tonight, I'm sorry. But, I'll see you tomorrow evening, okay?" She hated lying to him, but somehow she just did not think he would understand Elliot being here, drunk on her couch.

There was a long silence before he answered. "Oh...okay...sure...no problem. I'm pretty tired, anyway. See you tomorrow, then." His voice was a little higher than usual and Olivia knew he was not buying the excuse she gave him.

"Rhett..." She said softly. "I love you."

"Mmmhmm. I love you, too, babe. Goodnight." He said quietly. She could hear the question in his voice and hated _herself _for lying.

- - - - -

Elliot was still passed out, though he was beginning to stir a little. She figured he would probably wake up in the next thirty minutes or so. The cell phone chimed again. She smiled to herself, thinking it was Rhett calling back. She did miss him and really had wanted to see him tonight. She didn't check the I.D.

"Hey, babe...miss me? I miss you." She said in a low, teasing voice.

"Expecting a call, Olivia?" The deep authoritative voice startled her.

"Captain." Unconsciously, she stood straighter, even though he could not see her.

"Do you know where your partner is?" He asked bluntly, getting right down to business.

"Uh...well...why, Captain? We got a case? Fin and Lake are catching tonight." Running her hands through her hair, she looked over at Elliot.

"No case, not unless I can't find Elliot." He snapped, knowing she was avoiding the question.

"What? What do you mean?" She was immediately on alert.

"About ten minutes ago some unis from the 7th came to my door. They gave me Elliot's badge and wallet. Elliot is no where to be found...so unless you know where he is...because his wife said he did not come home...then I have a missing detective on my hands. And foul play is to be suspected. Now, Detective Benson, you never answered my question...do you know where your partner is?" Emphasizing the last phrase, he was direct and snappy because he sensed she knew, but was holding out on him.

She paused, looking over at Elliot, again. "Yes, Sir. He's here." The sighed was heavy and deep as it escaped without her consent.

After she explained about the cab driver, Elliot being drunk and beat up and passed out on her couch, it was Cragen's turn to sigh heavily.

"What am I suppose to tell his wife?" He asked her, nearly despondent.

"The truth?" She suggested.

She was tired of playing games. She knew what Kathy would think but she did not care anymore. She had done nothing wrong. Elliot came to her. She had no control over his decisions. Tell her the truth and let Elliot deal with it and her later.

"The truth? You sure?" He wasn't sure he heard her right.

"Yea...I'm sure. Tell her I'll try to get him sobered up and have him call her. Might take a couple of hours. They can figure out what to do then."

- - - - -

**Chapman Residence**

**Tuesday Morning, July 1**

Rhett lay in bed, mesmerized by the shadows the street lamps and passing cars made on the ceiling. They moved like a curtain of varying shades of light and dark being blown in the wind. Mulling over the short conversation with Olivia for the hundredth time, he came to the same conclusion. Something was amiss. Olivia had lied to him. He knew it. Felt it. Heard it in her voice. Sensed it. About what he was not sure, but she had lied. It bothered him deeply on many levels. One, that she could or would ever lie to him about anything; two, that she would feel that for some reason she could not tell him the truth, no matter what it was; and mainly because lying, for any reason, put a chink in the trust between them. A chink in their relationship. And he had just asked her to marry him.

All he knew was that he loved her like he had never loved any woman in his life. There was only one other woman besides her that he had even thought he had loved. But, after falling in love with Olivia, he realized he had never truly been in love before. Never. There was this bond, this connection he felt with her. Like he had met his soul mate and he was heartsick that she had lied to him. Arguing with himself, he finally decided he would give her the benefit of the doubt. There had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for tonight. He tried to quit thinking about the possibilities of why she did not want him to come over. Yes, there was a good reason. He just had to wait until she was ready to give it to him. He tossed and turned, punching and readjusting his pillow countless times. The last time he looked at the clock before sleep finally claimed him, it was 1:12 a.m.

- - - - -

**Benson Residence**

**Tuesday Morning, July 1**

Olivia awoke to the sound of the toilet flushing in the guest bathroom. For just a few seconds, fear gripped her and she reached for her gun but then she remembered Elliot was there. She was wrong about him waking up earlier. He never did. He only tossed and turned restlessly for nearly an hour. Glancing at the clock on her bedside table, she saw it was 5:23 a.m. Taking her robe from the foot of her bed, she slipped it on and went into the living room. He was not on the couch. The soft closing of a cabinet door or drawer told her he was in the kitchen. Quietly, she came and leaned against the frame of the kitchen entrance and watched him. There was a glass three-fourths full of water sitting on the counter. He apparently had found what he was looking for and took the Tylenol from the cabinet, tapping four pills into his hand, then returning the bottle. Just as he picked up the glass of water and began to bring his hand with the pills to his mouth, she spoke.

"The normal adult dosage is two, not four." Her voice was quiet.

He visibly jumped and water sloshed from the glass, over his hand, down his shirt and onto the floor, as his head snapped in her direction. "Good grief, Liv! Scare the crap out of me, will you!"

"_Me _scare_ you_? I live here!" She was amused that she had frightened him.

Standing there, her face washed clean of all makeup, her hair sticking up and out in every direction, wearing a blue and green striped pajama short set, her white thigh-length robe and white cotton socks, Elliot thought she looked like a little girl. A beautiful little girl, with huge, brown, doe-like eyes. Then he remembered why he was there...and how he got there and was embarrassed.

"Uh...yea...uh...sorry 'bout that...and my head is pounding so bad, taking the whole bottle probably wouldn't help." He held up the hand with the pills, popped them in his mouth, looked away, and washed them down with what was left of the water.

Putting the glass in the dishwasher, he pulled some paper towels off and cleaned up the water on the floor. He threw them in the trash, then turned and leaned his back on the counter by the refrigerator. He looked at Olivia and then down at the floor. They had to talk. He had to talk about her engagement, but he didn't know what to say or how to start. He knew she probably thought he was pathetic, getting drunk, taking a cab and coming to her place...to her...in that state, all because he found out she was getting married. And he knew she knew why he got drunk. He wiped his face with his hands and then folded his arms across his chest.

"I told Cragen to tell Kathy I would have you call her when you sobered up." She looked him over and then looked up at him. He looked really rough. He needed a shower, some food and more rest.

He looked at her, puzzled, as if he was not sure what she had said. "You what? Cragen? Kathy? Why'd you call them?"

The anger and irritation in his voice, did not go unnoticed by Olivia. "Elliot..." She shot him a look that told him he should have known she did not call them. "Cragen called looking for you because officers from the 7th brought him your badge and wallet..."

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he searched his jacket for his badge and his pants for his wallet. They were gone. Vague memories were beginning to play across his mind. He remained there, thinking, silent, staring at the floor.

"He called home looking for you and Kathy got upset because you were not there. Of course, they thought the worst and then Cragen called me. I had to tell him you were here or he was going to put out an APB and launch a search for his 'missing' detective." She made quote signs in the air as she pushed herself from the door frame to stand straight. She mimicked his stance, folding her arms across her chest.

"I...I...think I remember...I got...robbed..." He trailed off.

Sighing, she took a good look at him this time. His gray suit was wrinkled, the maroon shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest, revealing his wife beater beneath. Half of the shirt was untucked in front and his untied patterned tie was pulled so far to the left it was almost not visible on the right side of his collar. His shoes were somewhere else, because he stood in dark gray socks. The lines in his face seemed deeper than ever before against his pale face and bloodshot eyes. They were also red-rimmed as if he may have been crying. To sum up his appearance, he looked terrible. Exhausted. Defeated. Hopeless.

"But, why tell Kathy?" He asked, not really looking at her.

"Uh...let's see..." Bringing her right hand up to her chin, her index finger extended, she pretended to think hard, as she frowned. "Oh, yea...she's your _wife_. Come on, Elliot! Once Cragen called and told her he had your wallet and badge, they both figured something really bad had happened and he had no choice but to tell her when I told him you were here." She watched him as he processed what she had said.

He nodded his head. "Something really bad happened alright..." He trailed off, putting his head in his hands.

Concerned, she moved quickly to him, placing her hand on his arm. "What, Elliot? What happened? Are you hurt anywhere? I mean, its pretty obvious you were in a fight or something. Are you okay?"

His arm was on fire where she touched him. Shrugging her hand off and stepping away from her, he threw his head back and laughed. Not a humorous laugh, but one dripping with sarcasm. Whirling around so he was facing her again, he shook his head.

"No, Liv...I am not okay...I don't think I will ever be okay. And I hurt worse than I ever thought possible..." Tears began to fill his eyes and at this moment, Olivia realized he was not talking about being hurt physically.

"Elliot..." She whispered, feeling a tightness grip her heart. Fear rose within her as she anticipated his next words.

The way she whispered his name...it caused fresh stabs of pain to slash across his heart. "Why? Why didn't you tell me?" His blue eyes were so pained as they locked onto hers.

They held such hurt, she wanted to pull him to her and make it go away. Kiss it away. The pain in his voice ripped at her and she had to swallow a lump in her throat. The look in his eyes and the question he asked reminded her of the first time she had left him and gone to computer crimes. He and his new partner had come to blows. She heard about it and came to talk to him, finding him changing his ripped shirt in the locker room.

_She leaned on the door frame, as she watched Elliot change his ripped shirt. "I liked that shirt."_

_Turning, he questioned her. "What are you doing here?"_

"_I heard what happened between you and Blaine." She could not hold his intense gaze._

"_What can I tell you? He's a prick." He paused for a moment. Then took four long steps to stand in front of her. "Why didn't you tell me?" He looked so hurt, so betrayed._

"_Elliot, we've been partners for seven years, longer than anybody else here. We needed a change. I'm sorry. I should have talked to you. It's just ... it's just too complicated." Unable to look into his questioning blue eyes for any length of time, she looked everywhere but at him._

_He stared at her for the longest time. The pain and hurt clearly filling his eyes as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. At last he speaks and it is with great effort to sound as though he does not care. "Thanks for stopping by." He brushes past her, leaving her in the locker room._

That was then, this was now. The same haunted, helpless look in those gorgeous blue eyes as the same question was asked. And it seemed nothing had changed. Nothing, yet everything had changed.

"I was about to...I asked if you had a minute...remember?" She reminded him.

"You should of told me...before...before...anyone else..." He looked away and then back.

"Elliot...things haven't been right between us in such a long time...I wanted to tell you first, I did...but I really didn't think you would even care..." She tried to explain.

"Wouldn't care! How could you think that, Olivia!" He exploded. His voice became loud and demanding. He threw his hands up in the air. Then leaned over, grabbing his left side. He definitely had a broken rib.

"Elliot...you're gonna wake the neighbors..." She looked toward the ceiling, scrunching her face. "Are you okay?" She saw how he grabbed at his side.

"So what! It's time for them to get up! How could you think I would not care? After all these years, Oliva, all that we have been through, how could you not know that I...that I..." He ran his hands over his head, rubbed his neck and looked at her again. He had nothing to lose now...the chance was gone. He would just come clean. Admit it. "How could you not know that...that...I love you, Liv...that I would be upset that...you...were...getting...m-married!" There he had said it. After nearly nine years, he had finally said it. He could not believe he told her.

Shock was the prevailing emotion as she stood there, for the longest time, staring at him. Blinking. Blinking. Then slowly, slowly, the laughter welled up and when it came forth, it was mirthless.

"How could I not know? You never _told_ me, that's how! And you sure haven't acted like it lately! And how dare you say that to me now, Elliot Stabler! After all the time, all chances you had to tell me when we could have done something about it...you tell me now? Now? When you are back with Kathy, when you have a new son, you tell me now? When I have found someone else, someone that loves me and makes me laugh, makes me happy, you tell me now? What? Are you telling me this to make me as miserable as you are? Well, I don't care how miserable you are or how miserable it makes me to know this! It's too late, Elliot...I am marrying Rhett!" She stormed, her eyes angry pools of black.

"It makes you miserable to know I love you?" He seemed to not understand this at all. His disbelief might have been comical in another situation.

She sighed, calming down a bit. "Elliot...it can't be a secret to you...that I love you, too...I've been in love with you for years...if you love me...how can you do this to me? Tell me these things when I have finally found someone that I could love in spite of what I feel for you, when there is nothing we can do about it, anyway. Nothing. Are you just trying to jam things up? To hurt me? To keep me from being happy? It seems like that's what you always do!" She searched his eyes and saw tears welling in them.

Shaking his head, he wiped at the hot tears that had begun to stream down his face. "No...no...Liv, I would never hurt you...not like that..." He paused. "I...I don't know why I n-never...told you before...I guess...I was...was scared of losing you as my partner...as my friend."

She nodded her head, but said nothing. He walked over to her and took her by the shoulders. When she would not look up, he gently hooked a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. Tears were now in her eyes, as well. She blinked rapidly to try to hold them back.

"El...you'll never lose me as your friend. Never." It took great effort to speak around the big lump in her throat.

"That's good to know..." He watched her for a minute. "So...you...you...love him?" Elliot asked gently, calmly.

Her tears spilled over and he wiped them away with his thumbs. She nodded her head and whispered. "Yes...I love him...very much."

Elliot thought he could hear his heart shattering as he pulled her to him She rested her head against his chest, closing her eyes to the sound of his heartbeat, the feel of his arms around her, the stubble of his chin as it scrapped her forehead, the slight smell of cologne mixed with whiskey, the warmth of his body. Memorizing it, this moment, him. Her heart was breaking and she was not sure why. Perhaps, it was because this time she knew this was really goodbye to Elliot. To them. To any future hope of them.

He kissed the top of her head. "Then...I...I hope the very ...b- best for the both of you, Liv. I mean that from the bottom of my heart."

Pulling back from him, she looked at him and saw in his eyes that he did mean it. As much as he could. "That means more to me than you'll every know, El. Thank you."

She had called him by his nickname and it made his heart flutter. "Yea...so when do I get to meet this jerk...I mean, the lucky fellow." He teased.

She pinched his back in retaliation. "Soon...I promise." She smiled.

He kissed her on the head again and pulled away, walking to the door. "I guess I should go home...gotta face the music sometime. Might as well get it over with."

"Maybe she won't be as upset as you think...I think she is finally beginning to understand our relationship...or at least accept it." Liv suggested.

He snorted. "Right. 'Good morning, honey...oh...I'm sorry I didn't make it home last night...or call to let you know...I had too much too drink...in fact, I was roaring drunk, but I kept safe and sound...I slept at Olivia's...and she took good care of me...and sent me home.' Right...she won't be upset at all."

"Yea...right. Oh...I made coffee last night...but you fell asleep before it was finished...want me to heat a cup in the microwave for you take with you?" She asked, picking up the pot of coffee.

"Uh...thanks, but no. It looks thicker than Munch's brew." He headed toward the door. "I'll see you in a couple of hours...although I might be a little late...depends on how bad the fight gets."

"Okay...see you." She watched as he opened the door, looked at her one more time, smiled slightly and closed the door.

She didn't know why she felt like crying but she did. And that is exactly what she did, she cried until there no more tears to mix with the water raining from the shower head.

- - - - -

**Outside of the Benson Residence**

**Tuesday Morning, July 1**

He just wanted to leave a little something to brighten her day. Especially, since she had a rough night with a case or something. He had to be at work at six, so he thought he would run by her apartment and leave the rose and note by her door.

Just a few feet away from her door, he froze. He heard a male voice. He could not quite make out every thing being said, but he heard enough. Enough to know that Olivia had another man in her apartment, he had been drinking, he spent the night, was not looking forward to going home to his wife and Olivia thought maybe she would not be so upset...thought she understood the relationship between Olivia and this man. There was not much more he needed to know. Or _wanted_ to know.

So, that was what she could not admit last night...another man. He felt like he had been punched in the stomach, the pain was that real, that intense. He turned, walking quickly away, nearly running. Throwing the rose and the note into a trash can by the elevator, he ran by the closed elevator doors, taking the steps down two at time. Rhett knew his mind would not be on anything to do with work today.

Had Rhett stayed just a minute or two longer, a lot of his questions could have been answered, but at least that many more would have been created.

- - - - -


	22. Ask

**Chapter 22 - Ask**

**SVU Squad Room**

**Tuesday Morning, July 1**

"Olivia...I need to see you, please." Cragen was on her the minute she set foot in the squad room.

"Yes, Sir." Raising her left eyebrow, she glanced over at Fin and Munch, sitting at their desks, as if to ask what was going on. They gave her their own questioning looks, Munch shrugging and Fin raising his hands.

"Ain't got no idea, girl." Fin told her as she brushed by to her desk.

She put her purse in her locker and cell phone on her desk. She noticed that Elliot's desk was untouched from yesterday, the NYPD shield screen saver on his computer floating around the screen.

**Cragen's Office**

**Tuesday Morning, July 1**

"Hey, Captain." Olivia closed the office door behind her and turned to her boss.

"Good morning, Olivia." He smiled slightly, then settle back into his chair. "So, what happened with Elliot? I assume he went home last night at some point?"

"Well, actually, it was around five thirty this morning. He never woke up last night." She explained, hoping he was not thinking the same thing everyone else always thought about her and Elliot.

"Hmmm...I see. Was he able to tell you what happened to him?" Cragen's demeanor had taken a more serious turn.

"Only that he was got robbed. He was beaten up pretty bad...probably should see a doctor, but he didn't want any questions asked or any formal reports written up anywhere." She had been standing but now took a seat to the side of his desk in the chair closest to him.

"And that is my reason for questioning you...I can't just let this go, Olivia. His badge was turned in by officers from another precinct and that captain expects me to follow up on the case and to be informed of the outcome." Cragen stared at her.

"It's not a crime to be drunk...he wasn't on duty..." Olivia protested.

"He had his badge taken from his person during the commission of a crime, which he failed to report." Cragen explained to her.

"What if he didn't remember?" She was becoming upset now.

"Olivia, you can't take up for him all the time. Unless, I can convince Hal Braun to agree to sweep this, Elliot is going to have to face some kind disciplinary action." He tapped his fingers on the edge of his desk.

"Like what? It can't be that serious...can it?" She was running her hands up and down her thighs, nervous energy beginning to overtake her.

"Couple days of suspension...for failure to report a crime, conduct unbecoming an officer, negligence with police property." He sighed and shook his head.

"This is my fault...I should have told him...I should have let him know on Sunday..." She stood and dragged her hands through her hair.

"You can't blame yourself for this, Olivia. He made a choice to react as he did." Cragen's voice softened with his response.

"But...he was... is...so upset..." She stared into space, not really seeing him.

"I know." Cragen agreed.

"I just can't believe he can get in trouble for being drunk and getting robbed and beat up." She shook her head.

"Well, after I talk with him, I'll see what I can do..." He stood and shoved his hands in his front trouser pockets and after nine years of working for him, she knew it was her cue that he was finished and she was free to go.

xxxxxxxx

**SVU Squad Room**

**Tuesday Morning, July 1**

Olivia went to her desk and began working. About thirty minutes later, Elliot came in looking freshly showered and shaved, but still exhausted and hung over. He had on his brown suit with blue shirt she gave him for his birthday a couple of years ago. The blue accentuated the blue of his eyes. She love that shirt on him. He gave her a small smile and started to settle in at his desk. Crossing her arms and leaning over the desk, she watched him a minute before she spoke.

"Cragen's going to want to talk to you." She motioned with her head toward the Captain's office.

"No joke." He said a bit sarcastically.

"Just thought I'd warn you." She snapped, quickly turning to her computer.

"Liv...I'm sorry...I just...I'm a bit on edge...I know after leaving the precinct yesterday and then with the mess with the 7th that Cragen's going to have my butt in a sling..." He paused, looking at her as she did her best to ignore him.

She finally looked at him and nodded, but said nothing.

"And Kathy and I...we had a huge fight... and we're leaving in the morning to go to my mothers for the holiday...and the thought of being with her for the next four days..." His elbows propped on the desk, he put his head in his hands.

"I thought you got along well with your mother." Olivia knew he was talking about Kathy. She was just trying to lighten things a bit.

"What?" He frowned at her and then realized what she was doing. "Oh, aren't you the smart aleck this morning?" He grinned and shook his head as Olivia laughed.

"Stabler! My office!" Cragen's loud voice split the air.

xxxxxxxx

**Cragen's Office **

**Tuesday Morning, July 1**

"Captain, I'm really sorry about leaving like I did yesterday and I..." Elliot wanted his Captain to understand.

Cragen handed him his badge and wallet.

"Thank you, Sir." Elliot flipped through the wallet, put it in his jacket and then clipped his badge to his belt.

"I'm not concerned about yesterday. I know how upset you were and I understand." Cragen looked at him with compassion.

This was not what Elliot had expected. He knew the captain had a pretty good idea about him and Liv but he thought the 7th precinct finding his badge would have overshadowed any sympathy about the other.

"You do?" Elliot asked

"Yes. Are you all right?" Cragen looked him straight in the eye and Elliot could not hold that gaze.

"No, Sir. I'm not. But there is nothing I can do about it so...why don't you tell me why I'm in here." Elliot shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

Cragen started at him for a minute and then explained what had happened and how the 7th Precinct's captain had turned the investigation over to him.

"So...what can you tell me about your attack? I really don't want to have to suspend you or write you up, Elliot. Help me out." Cragen picked up a pencil and tapped it on the tablet in front of him.

"Cap'n...I was drunk. I started walking and these three guys jumped me. I took a swing at one of them...hit him, too... and then they beat the crap out of me and stole my wallet. I remember one of them screaming that I was a cop and he threw something at me. I think it was my badge...but I couldn't find it." Elliot explained the best he could with what memory he had of the attack.

"Can you describe any of the men?" Cragen's scrawl quickly filled the tablet. He looked up.

"One had red bandana tied over his head...he was white...the other two were black and I remember one of them had dred locks...but that's all. Not much to go on." He sighed.

"Any chance this was related to the threat about the case?" Cragen asked, watching him closely.

He shook his head. "No...no. They didn't say anything about the case or investigation...told me I was on their turf and I had to pay...I hit one of them and then they beat the..." He started.

The desk phone rang. "Cragen." He looked at Elliot as he listened and then spoke.

"That will be fine. I'll let him know. He's right here. No problem." He replaced the receiver in the cradle and looked at Elliot.

"That was Porter. The meeting with Gavlik and Sollecito has been set for Wednesday. Since you are off the rest of the week, he wants you to get with him and Cerek after lunch to go over some details." Cragen's big eyes looked over the detective.

"Elliot...are you up to this?" He knew what Elliot's reaction would be, but he still had to ask.

"Why wouldn't I be?" It was clear he took offense at being asked.

"Son...a lot has happened and I know you are upset...you need to be at the top of your game. I can have Porter figure out how to..." Cragen began.

Elliot cut him off. "I don't need Porter to do anything, Sir. I am fine. Just let me do my job." He spoke angrily.

Cragen nodded. "Okay. Porter expects you at his office around one." Cragen stood and put his hands in his pockets. Elliot turned to leave.

"Elliot..." Cragen spoke quietly.

He stopped and turned back to face his captain.

"If you need to talk..." The Captain raised his eyebrows at him.

Elliot nodded and smiled. "Thanks, Don."

xxxxxx

**CNN Headquarters**

**Tuesday Morning, July 1**

It had been hours since Rhett went by Olivia's with the intention of leaving the rose and note. He could not quit thinking about what he heard going on inside of her apartment. What exactly _had_ he heard he asked himself? Olivia and a man talking about their relationship and his wife. No matter which way he spun it, the explanations he came up with were not good. He thought about calling her, but decided the ball was in her court since she was the one that turned him down last night. Just as he thought this for the hundredth time, he felt his cell phone vibrate at his waist. Checking the called I.D., his heart skipped a beat. It was Olivia.

"Rhett Chapman." He answered in a professional, yet curt, tone.

"Hey, honey. What happened to 'Good morning, Babe. I missed you?', huh?" Olivia laughed quietly.

"Oh, yea...good morning, Olivia." His voice was still stiff and unlike his normal one.

On the other end of the connection, she frowned, knowing something was off. "Good morning to you, too. Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to get together for lunch...since we didn't get to..." She was surprised when he cut her off.

"I don't see how I could possibly get away for lunch. Things are really busy." He quickly told her. Was she crazy? Could she really have some man spend the night and then turn around and go to lunch with him like nothing had ever happened?

"Oh...okay. I...I understand. We're still on for tonight though, right? Chinese, my place?" She was smiling to herself, thinking of being with him this evening.

"Yea, right." He was snapping at her and he knew it and she knew it.

"Rhett...is something wrong?" She was beginning to be concerned now. This was not like Rhett at all.

"What could possibly be wrong, Olivia? Look, I really need to go. I'll see you tonight." He was leaving no room for more conversation.

"Rhett...I love you." She spoke so softly, he almost did not hear her.

"Yea, me too." He disconnected and slammed the phone down.

**SVU Squad Room**

**Tuesday Morning, July 1**

Across town, Olivia stared at the open cell phone in her hand, watching as the call timer flashed 00:47. Forty-seven seconds. They were on the phone for exactly forty-seven seconds. That must be a new record for them, she thought. Such a short time and yet, an eternity when she thought of how much information it held. He did not say he loved her back. That was the first time since they had professed their love, that he did not return the words. Rhett was clearly upset or bothered or preoccupied about something. She had no idea what. Well, it would have to wait until tonight.

Elliot was watching her...and listening. "Everything okay, Liv?"

Unaware that he was even there, she jerked her head up and looked at him. "Huh? Oh...yea, everything is fine." She smiled as she closed the phone and laid it on the desk.

"Where did you tell me you guys were going?" Elliot was writing a report as he spoke. He wanted to know everything about Olivia and Rhett, even if it killed him.

"To Rhett's grandparents house...a family reunion, of sorts. Their house is on a lake.

"A lake? Which one? We'll be at Greenwood Lake." He told her.

"I don't know...I don't think he ever said." She told him.

"So...when are you guys leaving for your trip?"

"Uhmm...Rhett's only off Thursday and Friday...we're leaving some time Thursday. We'll be back sometime Saturday, because he leaves Monday morning for his assignment." Her right elbow was propped on the desk and her hand cupped her chin as she talked and she seemed sad.

"Assignment?" Elliot was puzzled and stopped writing for a minute to look at her again.

"I didn't tell you? He's going to Afghanistan for three weeks...three weeks..." She whispered.

He stopped writing and laid down his pen, leaning across the desk. "No. You didn't tell me. Are you okay?"

She looked at him, her eyes filling with tears. Shaking her head, she suddenly jumped up from her chair and ran to the ladies room. Elliot felt his heart break for her...just a little.

xxxxxxx

**Benson Residence**

**Tuesday Evening, July 1**

The apartment was clean, the candles had been lit and were giving off a wonderful aroma of cinnamon and apple while bathing the living room and dining area in a soft, romantic light. She had ordered the Chinese food on the way home and it should be here before much longer. She had taken a quick shower and changed into a pair of khaki shorts and a mint green scooped neck tee shirt trimmed in a khaki lace around the collar and sleeves. She tousled her hair like she had worn at the wedding the day she and Rhett met. He liked it like that. And she sprayed on just bit of his favorite cologne - Skin. He said he loved the simple, clean smell of it. He should be here any minute.

The downstairs buzzer rang. It was the food. She let them in and went to get some money from the kitchen drawer. When the knock came on her door, she threw it open to find Rhett standing there with his arms full of cartons of Chinese food. He had on a red polo and dark blue jeans.

"My, my...you delivery boys are getting older and better looking every week. When did you start working for My-Lings?" She smiled taking a couple of the cartons from him.

"This is my first delivery." He followed her in and put the carton on the kitchen counter.

She turned and grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him. "There. You do good work. That's your tip, by the way."

He tried to smile, but she felt him tense as he pulled away to open the cartons. "I'm starving. Had an early lunch."

"Oh...where did you eat?" She was a bit hurt because he had told her he would not have time for lunch.

"A bunch of us went to that little Greek place down the block." He took a couple of plates from the cabinet.

Olivia got the chopsticks, napkins and drinks and put them on the table. "Guess things slowed down a bit?"

"What?" Confusion clouded his face as he looked over at her.

"You told me you were too busy to go to lunch...or was it too busy to go with me?" She met his gaze and he turned away.

He was unable to look her in the eyes when he realized he had been caught in his lie. "Uh...listen, how about we eat first and then talk."

Staring at him, she shook her head. "I'm afraid I've lost my appetite...but...feel free...please." She waved her hands at the food. "Excuse me." She went into the bathroom.

"Olivia..." He called out, but she shut the door.

Pulling down the lid she sat on the toilet and tried not to cry. What had happened? Why were things so uneasy between them? Had he changed his mind? Oh, please, no. She did not know what she would do without him. Maybe he was upset about leaving. Had she said or done something to upset him? How? When? She had not seen him since lunch Monday and he was fine when they parted. Could he be angry about her not letting him come over last night? He was getting cold feet. He wished he had never asked her to marry him, that was it. She just knew it. Well, if that was it, she needed to know. Now. Just ask.

The opening of the bathroom door got Rhett's attention. He looked up from the food he was aimlessly pushing around on his plate. Olivia came and stood so that the table was between them.

"Rhett...I know something is wrong and I don't want to play games...the only thing I can think of is that you're having second thoughts...if you don't want to marry me..." She had to stop because the lump in her throat constricted her airway.

He jumped up from his place at the table and went to her. He put his hands on her shoulders and made her look at him. "No...no...that's not it. I love you more than life it self and I do want to marry you, Olivia. I just...I just want...need... to know that you trust me and that I can trust you. Completely."

She looked at him in total bewilderment. "I do you trust you, Rhett...and I hope you trust me. What is this about?"

He kissed her forehead and pulled her into a hug. Pulling back so he could see her eyes, he held her hands. He loved how she had tousled and gelled her hair tonight. Just like the day he first met her.

"If I ask you something, will you tell me the honest truth?" His eyes squinted slightly and he tilted his head to one side.

"Yes. Of course, I will. I promise. Ask me anything." She had no idea what he was going to ask, but she would be honest with her answer.

"Why wouldn't you let me come by last night?" His blue eyes were steady on hers.

She looked away. She had said she would be honest. Should she tell him about Elliot? He would not understand. She knew he would not understand. She looked into those incredible blue eyes and wished she could just dive into their depths and forget everything around her except him.

She smiled. "I told you...something came up with work."

He released her hands and stepped back from her. "You told me you would give me the honest truth." The brilliant blue was giving way to a darker hue, a clear indicator that he was becoming angry. "What came up about work? I'd like details, please."

It _was_ the honest truth. Elliot was her partner at work and what happened to him last night affected their partnership and work and therefore, it was about work. But, she knew that was not what he was asking. Did he know something? Something about Elliot? She really should tell him, anyway, even if he did not understand, because this would not be the last issue with Elliot and he needed to get used to it.

A deep sigh prefaced her explanation. "Okay. Okay...I'll tell you...but you have to promise to keep an open mind...and not get bent out of shape." She rubbed her forehead with her right hand and stared at him.

"Fair enough." He crossed his arms over his chest and shifted his weight.

"Elliot showed up over here...drunk. He took a cab from the bar...he was so out of it, I had to get the driver to help me get him up here. He had also been robbed and beat up pretty badly. I doctored him up and he slept it off on the couch. He left around 5:30 this morning." She raised her eyebrows slightly and bit her lower lip.

Rhett looked from her to the floor and nodded. "So...does he get drunk a lot and does he make it a habit to come to you when he's drunk?

"No...he really doesn't drink like this very often...not at all." She knew he had been drinking more the last year than he ever had before, but she still would not consider it a problem.

"So, why'd he come to you? I mean, he's married, right? Why didn't he go home to his wife? Why did he show up here?" He needed to know these things.

She opened her mouth, but then closed it. How to explain her and Elliot's relationship when she was not even sure what it was herself. She looked up at Rhett and knew she had to try. She did not want to ruin what she had with him.

"It's...it's complicated. Elliot and his wife almost divorced and I don't think they get along any better now...he was really upset yesterday and I guess, he just didn't feel like he could go home in the condition he was in...I don't know why he came here." She rubbed her neck and shoulders leaning her head back a bit.

"What was he upset about?" Rhett spoke quietly, but kept his eyes on her.

"I...I...uh..." She shook her head at him and ran her hands through her hair.

"Olivia...you promised...if it's something really personal, then I understand you can't tell me...but I really need to know what's going on." He was insistent though not demanding.

He thinks something is going on? Between her and Elliot? Did he see or hear something out of context? Or sense this thing that sits between them for anyone and everyone to see?

She swallowed hard. "He...he...uh...found out...that we're getting married." She watched Rhett's face as the words registered.

"Is there something I'm missing here? Why would he be upset about us...you getting married?" He asked quietly, truly not understanding this at all.

"He's my best friend...and I didn't tell him first...he found out in a round about way and he was extremely upset." She bit her lip again, very uncomfortable with this line of questioning.

"If he's your best friend, then why _didn't_ you tell him first?" Rhett did not like how this was beginning to sound.

"Because...we haven't been getting along for a good while...even before you and I...and I didn't think he would care...I was wrong." She whispered, closing her eyes and then opening them.

He was quiet for a long while, contemplating what had been said. "You told me that there was once a time when you thought there had been the possibility of more between you and Elliot...is there still something there?" He had to know. Had to, if he were going to marry this woman.

"He is my best friend. I love him, but no, Rhett, there is no possibility of anything between us. He's married and I am in love with you. I want to marry you." Her gaze was clear and steady as her brown eyes connected with his blue ones.

He began to smile, a small smile at first, but then it became much broader and he reached for her. "Come here, you." He enveloped her in his arms and kissed her properly.

"Thank you for being honest with me, Liv. I guess I need to do the same with you." He released his tight hold as she tried to pull back from him.

"Yea?" She watched his face closely.

"I came by yesterday morning before work...you said something was up with work and I thought I would give you a bit of encouragement...so I brought a rose and note and had intended to leave it at your door. When I got here, I could hear you and a man talking. It sounded like he was getting ready to go home and explain things to his wife after cheating on her." He figured she would be upset and he was right.

"You what? You didn't trust me? What I said about work?" She pulled away, breaking all contact.

"That's not why I came over...I..." He did not get to finish.

"Right...it was to leave a note and flower...okay...so why didn't I see them?" She asked, her arms folded.

"I threw them in the trash...by the elevator, as a matter of fact. Come on!" He grabbed her, pulling her with him to the elevator.

There was not much trash and the rose, though wilted, was still red and the note had bits of peanut butter on it from a half eaten Reeses cup, but they were still there. He pulled them out, wiping the note on his jeans and handing her the wilted flower, and then the note.

She held the note in her hand and lifted it toward the dim light in the hall. 'Liv - I hope everything at work is better today. Remember I am thinking of you and dreaming of tonight. All my love - Rhett'.

"I don't know what to say...this was a really sweet thought even though you trashed it." She paused, still looking at the note. "We need to stop jumping to conclusions with each other and learn to trust, you know."

"You're right...but you gotta admit...the things you guys were saying..." He gave her a raised eyebrow and a crooked smile.

"Thinking about what we said...yea...I can see how you might think something different." She agreed. "Are we okay? Please say we're okay." She put her arms around him.

He hugged her back, pulling her as close as he could. "Yes...we're okay." He kissed her.

They walked back to her apartment with their arms wrapped around each other, Olivia leaning her head on his shoulder, and finally ate their Chinese food.

xxxxxxx

**Stabler Residence**

**Wednesday Morning, July 2**

"That better be everything? I am _not_ re-packing this van again." Elliot mumbled to himself as he slammed the hatch down and started back toward the house. The sun was already hot on his arms and shoulders. The blue muscle shirt and track shorts were a good choice for the hot day to come.

"Dad, why can't I drive? I've had my learners for three months. Come on, Dad." Dickie pleaded from the back passenger seat.

"If he drives, I get a turn, too." His twin, Lizzie piped up from the very back seat behind her brother.

"No. I'm already stressed out enough just getting all this packed. And you don't need to be driving with so many people in the vehicle anyway. No way are either of you driving!" Elliot popped him on the head playfully.

"Elliot! Come help me with this..." She had Eli in one arm and was dragging a bag of trash with the other.

"Good thing you remembered this or the whole house would be ripe by the time we got back." He locked and closed the front the door as he took the bag from her. He placed it in the can by the road.

Elliot watched her walk to the van, Eli hanging over her shoulder. If they gave out Emmy's for best actress in a real life family situation, Kathy would win, hands down, he thought to himself. The fight they had yesterday morning after he came home from Olivia's was among the worst, if not _the_ worst one they had ever had. Even his cuts and bruises garnered no sympathy from her. If anything, he was sure she would rather enjoy adding a few to them. When all was said and done, for now anyway, they both agreed to try and put their differences aside, letting this vacation be a decent time for the kids.

Kathy settled Eli in his car seat in the middle beside Dickie, gave him a couple of animal crackers and climbed into the front passenger seat. Elliot climbed in and cranked the van.

"Don't forget...we're picking Maureen up at her friend Hannah's." Kathy told Elliot as he backed out of the driveway.

"Right...and you're sure Kathleen and Jared know the way?" Elliot asked.

"Justin!" Kathy, Dickie and Lizzie corrected him at the same time.

"Justin, Jared, Jimmy...whatever. Do they know the way?" Elliot repeated, aggravated that one of his daughters was bringing a boy on a family vacation of sorts.

"Elliot..." Kathy sound exasperated. "She's been going up there all her life. She's twenty years old. It's thirty or forty miles? They will find the way just fine." She rolled her eyes.

"Right." He nodded his head.

His mother's place on the lake was big and roomy and the whole family was spending three nights. Of course, his siblings and their families would be there, too, and his Aunt Lynn and Uncle James and two of their four kids and their families. His cousins were their best friends growing up. There would easily be thirty-five to forty people there. They always set the kids up in tents in the backyard. They had volleyball and horseshoes and board swings and a couple of tire swings hanging from the tall oaks overlooking the lake.

The white Cape Cod style house with green shutters had a been built in the early 1900's by Elliot's great grandfather. It had a huge Walton-style kitchen and dining area, five bedrooms, a den, living room, sun porch and a small library/office and there would be sleeping bags everywhere. There would be fishing from the deck or the rowboat. His younger brother had a ski boat and would pull everybody on skiis and tubes. One of his sisters and her husband were bringing the two new jet skiis they had bought this summer. That would be something different and lots of fun. Elliot hoped to try his hand on one of those. In spite of all that had happened this week, he was almost looking forward to this time with his extended family.

Forty-three miles, two restroom breaks and nearly an hour later, they pulled into the stone driveway of the lake house. Several vehicles were already there and people were milling about the yard and the edge of the lake. As everyone else jumped out of the van and ran toward the house hollering and calling out to others, Elliot stretched and looked out over the beautiful, calm lake, the noon sun causing its water to shimmer like a million diamonds floating upon it. Diamonds. Rings. Engagement rings. Shaking his head, he exorcised the thought, refusing to go there.

Maybe this was just what he needed. To unwind. Relax. To get away from everything, put it all out of his mind, if only, for a short while...the Tarasov case, going undercover...and everyone...well, almost everyone...Kathy was here and that could not be helped at the moment...Gavlik, Porter, Rhett. And the one he would never truly be able to get away from, never be able to truly put out of his mind. Olivia. Well, at least these things and people would not be right under him, in his face. At least he had a few days to relax and regroup before he had to face it all again.

xxxxxx

**A/N: **_Here is another chapter. I hope you like it. Things are going pretty smoothly again...for now...mwahhahahahaha...that was an evil laugh, by the way. Wonder what's going on in the next chapter? For me to write and you to continue to read and review. Hang on, is all I've got to say! And by the way, thank you seems so little to say for how much I appreciate your reviews, but thank you! You guys are so encouraging! " ) Bensler_


	23. Avalanche

**Chapter 23 - Avalanche**

**Chapman Vehicle**

**Thursday, July 3**

"How many people did you say will be here?" Olivia was becoming more nervous with each passing mile. She kept her gaze focused on the alternating expansive wheat fields and thick, green woods.

Rhett laughed. "I didn't say. Have no idea. Quite a few, I'm sure. And every single one of them will love you! So quit worrying!" He reached out and put his hand on her knee, squeezing it softly.

"I'm only worried about your mom. I want to make a good impression on her." She put her hand over his, letting her fingers fall between each of his.

"You've already made a good impression and she already loves you just because you agreed to marry me." He glanced her way and leaned in, puckering his lips. She leaned in until their lips met in a quick kiss while he kept one eye on the road.

"You already told her? I thought you wanted to wait to announce it this weekend." She looked at him now, surprised that he had not mentioned that he told his Mom.

"I had to let Mom know before everyone else. Of course, I have to tell you...there is no telling how many people she has told..." He grinned, looking at her and shook his head.

"You need to focus on driving...or do you want me to take the wheel?" She wiggled her eyebrows and he shook his head.

"No way! This is not NASCAR!" He turned to look straight ahead, still grinning. She reached over a poked him in the side.

"You seem so happy this morning..." She smiled at him as he glanced her way again.

"I am. The woman I love has agreed to marry me...I am about to spend three days with her with nothing to do except what we want to do...no distractions...no work, no cases, no stories to cover...just me and her and my very extended family!" He laughed and took her hand, pulling it to his lips and kissing each finger.

Smiling as she watched him, she was struck by how much she loved him. She enjoyed being with him, they talked easily, they had a wonderful time together and she missed him when they were apart. And it sure didn't hurt that he was so ruggedly handsome. She honestly did not think she would survive the three weeks he would be in Afghanistan. He intertwined his fingers with hers and she squeezed his hand and turned to watch the scenery once again.

They were nearing the lake. "It's beautiful up here. What's the name of the lake?"

"Greenwood Lake and it is beautiful. Hey...look in the glove compartment. Should be some spearmint gum in there on the right." He nodded toward the compartment.

Greenwood Lake, she thought. Elliot and his family were up here somewhere on this lake. Judging from what she could see of it from the road, the lake was huge. There would be no chance of running into any of the Stablers up here. That was the last thing she needed. She was really looking forward to this time with Rhett, especially now that he was leaving in a few days for his three week assignment.

As he turned into the road leading to the lake, Olivia's head was bent, focused on finding the gum. She did not see the teenage boy and girl standing in the parking lot of the convenience store near the sign at the park entrance that read 'Greenwood Lake'. Rhett simply did not notice them.

Pulling the paper from the package and then the piece of gum, she popped it in Rhett's mouth. "There you go."

"Hmmm...thanks." He smiled at her. "Just a few more minutes and we will be there." Dust trailed behind them, kicked up by the wheels of the SUV as it traveled the hard packed dirt.

xxxxxxx

"Hey, if you stand right here and don't move...you can get service." Lizzie told her brother.

Holding his cell phone first one way and then another, Dickie squinted at it. "I can't even see what I'm dialing, so I guess it doesn't matter if I can't get service."

"Well, I _have_ to talk to my friends! There's no way I am going four days without know what is going on!" Lizzie pushed a couple of buttons and waited.

"It's ringing!" She moved slightly, leaning against the sign and the call was lost. She groaned. "I lost the signal again!"

"Yea...come on, we better go back in the store to help Dad get all that stuff for Grandma." Dickie grabbed her arm and pulled her across the parking lot.

xxxxxxx

The driveway and yard were filled with vehicles. Ten to twelve vehicles. Olivia's heart raced at the sight. There were going to be a _lot_ of people here. Rhett found a place to park the SVU and turned to Olivia.

"Ready?" He patted her thigh.

"Yea...little nervous, but I'm ready. Okay..._very_ nervous." She leaned over, meeting him halfway for a kiss.

He jumped out and ran around to her door, opening it and helping her out. "Trust me. Everything will be fine. They are going to love you. I'll get our stuff a little later." He took her by the hand and led her up to the house. Two young girls were swinging on the porch swing on the other end from the door. An older boy, early twenties, stood behind, gently swinging them.

"Who are they?" Olivia asked, smiling at them and waving. They all smiled and waved back. The young man seemed vaguely familiar to her.

"I'm ashamed to say, I don't know. I haven't seen my family in so long...might be one of my cousins' kids or maybe my brother Sonny's...I told you I haven't seen him but twice since I've been home...met a couple of his kids but he has more." He held the door open for her.

Stepping into the foyer, the aroma of something cooking, something Italian, filled the air and Olivia's stomach instantly growled. She had not even realized she was hungry. She had not eaten since breakfast and it was nearly one.

"Mom! Hey, Mom! Manny's here! With his friend!" A tall woman with shoulder length blondish brown hair called out toward the kitchen. She had just placed some flowers into a vase on a square magazine table. She was smiling at Olivia as she made her way to them.

Olivia looked up at Rhett. "Why are they calling you Manny?"

"Nickname...Chapman...man...Manny. It sounds like a mafia name...my brothers and I were enthralled with the 'Godfather' when it came out. We pretended we were the 'family'." He told her, making quote signs in the air and grinning as his sister came up to him.

She hugged Manny and turned to Olivia waiting to be introduced. "Manny?"

"Olivia, this is my sister, Erin...Erin, this is my...uh..." He looked at Olivia, not sure what to call her because they wanted to wait to announce it to the whole family.

Olivia extended her hand toward Erin. "Friend...Olivia Benson. Pleased to meet you, Erin." She found herself looking into a set of startlingly brilliant blue eyes.

"Oh, the pleasure is all mine." Erin ignored her proffered hand and gave her a big friendly hug instead.

This caught Olivia off guard. She was not given to physical affection among strangers. Or even friends for that matter. She was much more guarded.

Rhett leaned in and whispered. "Get used to it, Benson. This whole family is touchy feely."

She laughed. "Thanks for the early warning."

"So, Manny, what kind of lies did you tell to get her to go out with you?" Erin elbowed Rhett.

"Believe it or not, you have a very charming brother." He answered, bowing slightly.

"And he's a great cook! I hate to cook! That's what sold me!" Olivia was enjoying being a part of the friendly banter between the siblings.

A man, just a little shorter than Rhett, not quite as handsome but definitely related to him, stepped up. Olivia was captured by his eyes. That bright blue, once again. So familiar.

"I'm Evan...most of the family calls me Joey...just so it won't add to the confusion you will encounter with there being so many of us. Manny has told me all about you. Glad to finally meet you, Olivia." He gave her a quick hug and turned to a petite brunette with short hair. "This is my wife, Dee."

Dee stepped up, hugging Olivia as well. "It's quite overwhelming when you first meet them all. But they really are good people and fun. Not a quiet one in the bunch."

"Yes...they seem to be very nice. Good to meet you both." She smiled, pulling away from Dee.

Rhett put his arm around her, pulled her close and kissed her on the head. "See. I told you they would love you."

"Haven't passed the test, yet. Where's your mom?" She hugged him back. She liked what she had seen so far of his family. Maybe she _could_ fit in and belong here.

An attractive, silver-haired woman came from the kitchen, smiling. She was dressed in a mint green capri set with tan leather sandals. Trailing behind her was Emily, whom Olivia recognized from the night at Rhett's though they had never met. She had on jean shorts and a Yankees t-shirt. The older woman was not as tall as her daughters, but had the same gorgeous blue eyes as her children. The smile she gave covered her entire face and lit up her eyes as she came to Olivia.

Rhett leaned down and kissed his mother on the cheek, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She looked up at him. "Oh, Manny...she is beautiful." She looked at Olivia again.

"Mom, this is Olivia...Olivia this is my Mom, Marie Stabler." He told her.

Marie pulled Olivia into a long hug, patting her on the back, whispering to her. "I am so glad to finally meet you, dear, and I look forward to getting to know you. Manny has been a different man since meeting you. I am just simply thrilled you are going to be my daughter, Olivia, and I can't wait for everyone to know."

As she was hugging her, Olivia was trying to process what Rhett had said his Mom's name was. Marie. Marie Stabler. Stabler? Surely, she misunderstood. His last name is Chapman. Her mind was playing tricks on her because she was so nervous. And though she had tried not to, she kept thinking about Elliot and his reaction to her engagement. Yes, that had to be it. Her mind was just playing tricks. Her heart was racing. She felt like she was caught up in an avalanche of events and emotions, knocking her down, running over her and crushing her under their weight. It seemed everything happened all at once, in slow motion, like they say it does when something horrific occurs. Time slowed down as though to make certain this moment would be forever etched in her memory. It would. You could be sure of that. And the moments and days following as well.

"Grandma? Isn't is about time to for the lasagna to be..." She stopped, totally shocked by the sight of the beautiful woman with dark hair, doe like brown eyes and brilliant smile standing before her.

Still embraced by Marie, Olivia heard the gasp as her name was uttered by the young woman who had just come into the living room from the kitchen to ask her grandmother about the lasagna.

"Olivia?" The young woman's voice could not belie her shock and bewilderment. Her eyes were wide, her mouth open with that same shock.

Olivia looked toward the familiar voice and saw Maureen. Her white shorts and lime green tank top showed off her deep tan. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail. Her hands were clad in green mitten pot holders. The look on her face reflected the emotions in her voice. Olivia was just as shocked, if not more so. She could not utter a word. She could not move. She was not at all sure she was even still breathing.

Maureen could think of nothing that would shock her more than seeing her father's partner in her grandmother's living room being hugged by her grandma, her uncle standing at her side, literally beaming with love. Olivia was obviously the woman her aunts and grandma had been talking about earlier in the kitchen. The woman that had swept her Uncle Manny off his feet. After Maureen's initial shock, her next thought was of her Dad.

As a young teen, she had recognized the extraordinary bond between her Dad and Liv that had been evident from the beginning of their partnership. And she had been fully aware of the change he had in his feelings for Olivia for a couple of years now. When her parents separated, she had even tried to make him see he needed to let Olivia know how he felt. That she wouldn't wait forever. That the bond they had was something most people never experienced.

She saw how miserable he was when Olivia was gone to computer crimes and when she was undercover for two months, he was completely lost without her. She dreaded the moment he knew about this situation. Knew that his partner, his best friend, the woman that Maureen was certain he loved and was in love with, was dating Manny...or Rhett, as Olivia called him. Her Dad's _brother_. This was going to be bad. Very bad. She did not have long to dread anything.

Before Olivia could even process that Maureen, Elliot's oldest child, was standing here in the same living room, in the same house, had called Rhett's mother 'grandma' meaning somehow Elliot and Rhett were related, a commotion from out front caught everyone's attention.

The sounds of talking and laughter, footsteps running up the front steps and across the porch prefaced the front door bursting open. Dickie and Lizzie, their hands full of grocery sacks, came noisily into the living room.

"Hey, Grandma! I think we have everything!" Lizzie called out, she was trailing Dickie by a few feet.

Dickie noticing Olivia, stopped. "Hey, Liv. What are you doing here?" He put all the bags on one arm and went and gave her a hug with his other arm, acting like it was the most natural thing in the world for her to be there. "Hey, Uncle Manny." He went on into the kitchen not waiting for her answer.

"Hey, Uncle Manny. Hey, Olivia." Lizzie hugged Rhett and leaned in to kiss Olivia on the cheek. Olivia was in mortal shock, barely able to respond to either Dickie or Lizzie.

"How do you know Sonny's kids?" Rhett was about as confused as Olivia, but for different reasons. What's that they say about 'ignorance is bliss'? Well, any semblance of blissfulness in his life was about to come to an abrupt end!

"Sonny?" Olivia whispered, not really understanding what all was happening. Who is Sonny, she thought?

Hearing Maureen call Olivia's name, Kathy, wiping her hands on a dish towel, followed her into the living room. She was so shocked her mouth fell open, but she could not say anything. The sight before her rendered her completely speechless. Her husband's gorgeous partner was at their family reunion, apparently with his brother, Manny. Did Elliot know that Manny was dating Olivia? He had not mentioned it. This was not going to be good. At all. She locked eyes with Olivia and they both just stared, open mouthed, dumbfounded.

At almost the same moment, Elliot dragged a cooler next to the front door. "Hey, Mom. How about we leave the watermelons out here for now?" As he stepped into the house, grinning, all eyes were on him.

"That's fine, Sonny. Come on in and meet our guest." Marie told her middle son, motioning for him to come to her where she stood by Olivia and Rhett.

Elliot a.k.a. Sonny, came toward his mother. When he saw Olivia standing next to his brother, Manny a.k.a. Rhett, the smile nearly disappeared from his lips. Somehow he managed to keep enough of one that others looking on would never realize anything was wrong. When in truth everything was wrong. His whole world was crashing in around him, sending him tumbling over the edge in an avalanche of emotions.

His partner was standing next to his brother who had his arm around her to holding her close to him. Olivia was dating his _brother_. This was her Rhett. His brother was her Rhett. How could he have never put two and two together? His brother was going to marry Olivia. She was going to marry his brother. She would become his sister-in-law. How did this happen? He thought he was going to have a heart attack. Not figuratively. Literally. He would do what he had to do for now but then he had to get out there.

Olivia doubted anyone else would have noticed how he paled upon seeing her. Seeing them together. No one else would have noticed the change in his breathing or the utter devastation in his eyes. And no one would have heard what his eyes asked her...'how could you do this me? To us?'.

"Manny...introduce your brother to Olivia." Marie had her arm hooked through Elliot's and was smiling at Manny and Olivia.

Elliot's eyes caught Olivia's. In hers he saw fear, sorrow, confusion, apology. In his was simply devastation, hurt, anguish and the same confusion. "No need for introductions, Mom. Olivia's my partner."

"What? Oh...this is _your_ Liv? My goodness! What a small world!" Marie Stabler laughed.

Yea, _my_ Liv. _My_ Liv with my brothers arm wrapped around her. Elliot wanted to tell her there was nothing, absolutely nothing, at all funny about this scenario. He was aware that Rhett was staring at him, but he could not break away from Olivia's gaze. She slightly shook her head, her mouth opening as to speak, but no words came forth. None could be formed by her overloaded mind.

"Well, give her a hug and welcome her." She let go of his arm and pushed him toward Olivia.

Elliot awkwardly took Olivia in his arms, she felt as stiff and awkward as he. She smelled so good. Felt so good in his arms. His heart was pounding out of his chest. He was sure she could feel it or at the very least, hear it. As he hugged her to him, her breath was hot in his ear.

"Elliot..." She whispered so soft, so low, no one else could possibly have heard it. Another time, another place and he would have kissed her if she said his name like that.

The sound of his name from her lips was at once an apology and a desperate plea for forgiveness. Things he could neither accept nor impart. Not right now. Perhaps, not ever. The sound of his name from her lips was usually something he loved to hear, but now it served only to magnify the pain in his heart. He could not respond to her. He pulled away, she clutched his hand tightly until he looked at her again, his eyes narrowed, the icy blue of his eyes sending a chill throughout her body, slamming into her heart.

"Partner? Rhett turned to her as he asked the unspoken question. "Olivia?"

Finally, she found her voice. "Yes...Elliot's my partner." She spoke barely above a whisper, breaking their gaze as she looked up at Rhett.

He looked at his brother. "Elliot?" He snorted. "Why didn't it cross my mind that it could be you?" He looked at Olivia now. "You never mentioned his last name...I never thought to ask."

Elliot looked away, unable to look his brother in the eye. He was extremely nauseated, his head was beginning to pound and he really, really needed to get out of the house before he completely lost it in front of everyone.

The back door at the kitchen opened and Aunt Lynn and Uncle James came in with their son and his wife and four or five kids in tow. They had been pulling them on the raft and tube behind the boat. They came over to see Manny and meet Olivia. Elliot used this distraction to slip off. He quietly went out the front door. Kathy saw him. She knew by his reaction that he had no idea Olivia and Rhett were dating. He had told Kathy she was dating a guy named Rhett but not that it was his brother. She might not know him like Olivia did, but she had been married to him for over twenty years and she knew he was upset. She thought about following him, but there was really nothing she could say that would not result in an argument and they had agreed to make this a pleasant time for the kids. So she stayed in the house.

Maureen saw him leave and she _was_ going to follow him. She was very concerned about her dad because she could tell he knew nothing about this and it had upset him greatly. She would give him a little time to himself but then she was going after him. As Elliot closed the door behind him, Maureen looked over at Olivia. She was smiling and nodding at Aunt Lynn, but her eyes kept glancing past her toward Elliot. Olivia watched him leave, too, then she looked up and her eyes locked with Maureen's. She smiled slightly and Maureen tried to smile back, the unspoken words that lay between them understood. She knew Olivia felt the same way about her dad as he felt about her.

Olivia wished there was some way she could extricate herself from all these people. She needed to go to Elliot. She needed to make sure he was okay. To assure him that...that...well, to assure him. Of what, exactly, she had no clue. She just knew he needed her to be with him and she most definitely needed to be with him, needed to know he was all right. But she could think of no credible reason to excuse herself for any length of time.

"Dad? Where are you going? It's about time to eat...Dad?" Kathleen called to Elliot as he barreled past her and Justin as they were entering the house. He ignored her.

She thought he looked sick to his stomach. He was really pale. She shrugged her shoulders and they went inside. It didn't take long to spot Olivia and as soon as she did, everything clicked. Now she had no doubt why her dad had left the house. He _was_ sick. Heartsick. There was no doubt that Olivia and her Uncle Manny, her dad's brother, were together. Just as they walked in the house, Manny leaned over and kissed Olivia right on the lips. Kathleen quickly searched the room catching Maureen's eyes. The look they exchanged said it all. They both knew their dad was in trouble and was going to need help.

Olivia watched as Kathleen came in with Justin right behind her. It was then she realized that he was the young man on the porch pushing the swing. She had not recognized him without Kathleen present. The look Kathleen gave her, was one of disdain. For what, she was not positive, though she ventured it was about Elliot and her being here at all much less with Rhett.

Elliot did not go all that far. He walked about a two hundred feet from the house taking a trail through the woods that had grown over but was still visible and then down the embankment to the lake. There was a huge old oak that had fallen partially over the lake. It was so massive the trunk came up to his chest. He crossed his arms over it and put his head down on his arms. The sound that emanated from him was primal, birthed by emotions for which he no longer had the power to control. Emotions he could no longer even name. Emotions that were overtaking and threatening to violently consume him. It was the mixture of a scream, a roar, a cry...the sound of a mortally wounded soul.

xxxxxx

**A/N:**_** Hey, everyone. Had a couple of rough days that have resulted in writer's block. A good friend has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer, two kinds and my Mom had a PET scan last week that showed tumors on her thyroid...how ironic...and I am really worried because she had melanoma seven years ago (the reason for the PET) and it came back in a lymph node two years ago..size of a softball when it was removed...and I am afraid it has come back again. On the up side, they say if you have to have cancer, thyroid is a 'good' one because the cure rate is high if it has not spread. Anyway, if you are a person of prayer, I would deeply appreciate those prayers for both my friend and my Mom. Thanks.**_

_**How about SVU Tuesday night!? OMGoodness! It was **_**so**_** intense! If Mariska doesn't get another Emmy (or at least a nomination) for her performance in this episode, then they just need to do away with that award! I think this was **_**one**_** of the best, if not**_** the **_**best SVU shows yet!!**_

_**Hope you like this chapter...things are going haywire for Elliot. Poor guy. Should of told Liv he loved her after Gitano and signed those stinking divorce papers right then!! If he had it to do over, I bet he would do just that!! " ) Bensler**_


	24. Atone

**Chapter 24 - Atone**

**Stabler Lake House**

**Thursday, July 3**

It had been about fifteen minutes since Olivia watched helplessly as Elliot quietly walked out the front door and about ten minutes since she saw Maureen do the same. There was no doubt in Olivia's mind that she was going in search of her father. Olivia wished she could figure out a way to do the same. It took every ounce of strength within her to focus enough on conversations at hand so that no one would realize she was on the verge of a total meltdown. She did not need to be weirding out or anything when she just met everyone.

Things had settled down a little since the initial introductions to Rhett's family. She almost laughed out loud at the irony. _Elliot's_ family. Brothers. If her life had depended upon it, she could not have picked a more complete, more devastating way to screw things up than what had just taken place. She could only hope it was not the end of a relationship. But when she considered everything, she honestly could see no way to atone for what she had done even though it was done innocently and without malice.

Rhett and Emily were talking about the old rowboat they used to fish from when they were kids. Olivia stood by, smiling and nodding, not really paying attention to the conversation at all. She wanted to ask Rhett why his last name was different. She wanted to know why the family had all these nicknames and why Elliot had never shared any of this. And more than anything, she wanted to go to Elliot, where ever he was because she just needed to know he was all right. Well, she knew he was not all right, but she needed to know he was not going to do something foolish. Something stupid.

"Emily...can you help us in here, Hon." Marie called out to her daughter.

"Sure, Mom." Emily looked from Olivia to Rhett. "Well, duty calls."

"Oh...uh...I'll help, too." Olivia smiled and waved toward the kitchen.

"No...no...not today. Today you are our guest...tomorrow...tomorrow you can help out." Emily grinned as she walked away and into the kitchen.

Olivia sighed a breath of relief. She would not mind helping at all, but she now she could talk with Rhett.

"Can we sit outside...maybe on the porch swing?" She hooked her arm through his and smiled up at him.

"Sure thing, Babe. Come on." He led her outside.

Rhett had sensed something...tension...going on between her and Elliot a little while ago. He tried to pass it off as them being partners for so long and the shock of finding that she was dating Elliot's brother. That's what his heart told him. His mind told him to be cautious. His mind had a thousand questions. Elliot wouldn't look at him but Rhett wanted to believe it was because he was still mad at him for being gone all these years, not because of Olivia. Snippets of past conversations, were running around the edges of his mind. Olivia had told him that once she thought there was a chance of something more between her and her partner. He just did not know then that her partner was his brother. He wished he could remember everything she had said about them.

The swing groaned and squeaked as they sat down on it. Rhett stretched his arm around the back of the swing, resting his hand on Olivia's right shoulder, lightly squeezing it. She looked around taking in her surroundings. The porch extended ten feet from the house. It was huge. It's planks were painted a medium tan and there was a welcome mat at the front door that was designed to look like stone. There were hanging baskets of flowers and pots that held green plants and more flowers scattered all around the porch and up the side of the steps. An oval white wicker table that had a huge bouquet of wild flowers as a center piece on its glass top sat near the house about six feet from the swing. An oversize checker game with a large mat for the board lay on the table. Six wicker chairs with a green floral print on their cushions surrounded it. Two dark green rocking chairs sat to one side, the color matching the shutters of the house.

An American flag, swaying in the slight breeze, hung proudly at the entrance to the porch. The lake was, perhaps two hundred to two hundred and fifty feet, from the house. The water was calm and glittered in the bright sunlight. James' boat was tied to the weathered wooden dock. A couple of sailboats could be seen in the distance. A power boat pulled a skier on a slalom ski. Olivia was mesmerized by the way the skier jumped the wake and leaned to one side nearly passing the boat that was pulling him. Rhett quietly watched her. She seemed a million miles away.

"Ever skied?" He asked, looking out at the lake.

"Hmmmm?" She turned to look at him, his blue eyes were squinting in the sunlight.

"Ever water skied?" He nodded toward the skier.

She smiled. "Long time ago...like when I was in college...did okay for never having done it before. What about you?"

"We grew up on the water. Grandpa would pull us around the lake all day long. Taught us to drive the boat when we got older...then we pulled each other. All of us are pretty good. But, me and Sonny...well, lets just say we actually won some money in amateur skiing contests the lake association holds every summer. " He bragged.

"Professionals, huh? Is there anything you can't do or haven't done?" She teased.

"There's plenty I haven't done...and when I do those things, I want you to be right beside me, doing them, too. We'll get you up on skiis before we leave here!" His hand went to caress her face as he leaned down to kiss her.

She kissed him back but she was the one who broke the kiss. She took his hand in hers. "Rhett, why is your last name different than your family's?"

"Remember I told you my dad and I came to blows and he told me I was no longer his son?" She nodded at him. "Well...I decided that if I was no longer his son, then I would no longer carry his name. No longer be a Stabler. My full given name is Everett Chapman Stabler, Chapman is Mom's maiden name. I dropped Stabler. Had it done legally. I've been a Chapman longer than I was a Stabler and to tell you the truth...I just don't even think about anymore."

Olivia supposed that made sense. She just wished he had thought to tell her his real surname when he told that story about him and his dad. Or that she had asked. She doubted she would have ever gotten involved with him had she known he was Elliot's brother. No, that was not true. There was _no_ doubt. No way would she have dated him if she knew he was Elliot's brother. All of that was of no essence now. It was too late. She did date him _and _she fell in love with him. She loved him. She did. And now she did not know what to do with it. She needed to see Elliot. Talk to him.

"I could see me doing something like that." She paused. "What about the nicknames? You said something about the 'Godfather'?"

"Oh, yea. We didn't get to see the movie when it came out...too gory Mom said. But a couple years later we snuck and saw it on TV late one night." He grinned.

"Rhett, I am surprised at you. Not at Elliot, though." She laughed because she could so easily see Elliot sneaking out of bed to watch a forbidden movie.

"We were a handful, I'm sure. I was around twelve or thirteen, there are two years between me and Sonny and Sonny and Joey. We were just enamored with the 'family' and decided that we would have our own family. We needed mafioso sounding names. Sonny...uh...Elliot came up with taking a nickname from our middle names. We all have family surnames as middle names. You know mine...Chapman...Manny..." He explained.

Olivia interrupted. "Elliot Jackson Stabler...Sonny. Okay...I get it now."

"Right. And Evan Josephson Stabler a.k.a. Joey. We called each other by those names for so long, almost everyone else started calling us by them and they stuck. So, its all the Godfather's fault that we don't know who we are and neither does anyone else." He laughed.

"I can't believe you didn't think to at least question the connection between Elliot my partner and Elliot your brother...I mean, that is not a very common name." Her gaze was upon the lake as they talked.

"Thing is, when I think about my brothers, I think Sonny and Joey. Elliot and Evan don't even register with me anymore. And I told you Sonny is still mad at me and I've only seen him twice since coming home. I knew he was a cop, but not a detective. And had no idea where he worked. Assumed Queens since that's where they live. It does sound kind of crazy that I never connected it all, now that I say it out loud. Well, what can I say? I'm a guy." He poked her in the ribs, tickling her.

"Rhett! Stop!" Swatting his hand away, she laughed, jumping up from the swing.

Marie Stabler had come to tell them lunch was ready, but instead stood at the screen door and watched them. She had the biggest smile on her face as she saw how they acted with one another. She had never seen Rhett in love before and it looked like his lady friend felt the same way.

"Lunch is ready. Are you hungry, Olivia?" Marie opened the screen door and motioned for them to come in.

Olivia smiled as she headed for the open door. "Call me, Liv. Please."

xxxxxx

While Kathy cut the pans of lasagna into single helping size squares, Emily was putting lemonade and soda into a cooler to take outside. Her husband, Mark, came in to get it and she followed him out carrying an armful of cups and one more bag of ice. The twins, Dickie and Lizzie,17, and Brant, Erin's oldest son, also 17, were setting the two huge picnic tables halfway between the house and the lake with plates, napkins, utensils, salt and pepper. Kathy finished her job and excused herself to step out on the back deck and catch her breath. Before doing, so she checked on Eli. Justin had him in the living room floor play wrestling while Kathleen watched from the sidelines. Surprisingly, no one was outside on the deck and Kathy had a few moments alone.

She had not stopped thinking about Elliot seeing Olivia with Rhett. She had only smiled at Olivia, but they had not yet spoken. It was a matter of time before there was no avoiding it. She truly did not know what to say. She had been extremely glad when Elliot told her she was dating someone. But the look on his face told her he was devastated that is was his brother. Kathy was not dumb. She knew there were feelings between her husband and his partner, feelings just below the surface, that were more than for a partner or a best friend, as they so often referred to one another. She had enough problem with her husband working with a beautiful woman with whom, by all accounts, he had a special bond. And now? Now, she was going to be part of their family? Way to go, Rhett. Keep it in the family, will you?

xxxxxxx

**Woods by the Lake**

**Thursday, July 3**

Elliot's head rested on his arms which were crossed over the rough bark of the dead tree. It scrapped and scratched his hands, arms and elbows. The haunting sounds that at first startled him, completely terrified him now that he realized they came from him. His heart, ripped into shreds, was the source of those unhuman sounds. Sobbing, now, his muscles rippled and flexed as his arms tried to hold onto the tree but slid down the unforgiving bark as his legs gave way and he fell to his knees, landing in the soft, damp ground below.

Grabbing the back of his neck with both hands, he granted freedom to the hot tears stinging his eyes, hoping their release would provide some semblance of healing. Healing? Leaning his head back, he laughed out loud through his sobs. What was he thinking? This was a wound so unbelievably deep, so traumatic, that he could see no healing for it in the near future. If ever. The woman he was so completely head over heels in love with was engaged to his brother. His brother! At this thought, another of the wailing groans, a sound that defied description, burst forth. Elliot thought this had to be his heart breaking completely in two. His chest ached, crushed by the unbearable weight of his sorrow, his regret. He sat back, his legs folded beneath him, put his head in his hands and let these cries of grief consume him. Several more minutes passed. The sobs subsided. Furiously, he wiped at the tears still flooding down his face. He sniffled and calmed himself. He took a deep breath and tried to stand up. Without warning, it all erupted once again. The horrible sounds tore from his throat, the sobs shook his body, tears rushed down his cheeks in a torrent of salty moisture and he fell face down on the ground as the pain pulsated through and over and around him, enveloping him once more in its merciless grip.

Behind a clump of trees surrounded by shrubbery, she stood frozen in place, transfixed by the scene before her. Unable to move or speak or breathe, she surveyed this very private moment. A moment she wished she had not witnessed. In the light of this total emotional devastation, the complete annihilation being exacted upon him, she had the realization that the comfort she had hoped to offer would do about as much good as giving aspirin to someone who had a headache because of a brain tumor. She could not bring herself to go to him. Her father. Enough had already been taken from him...she would not steal his dignity by going to him at this time. Quietly, slowly, Maureen backed away and made her way through the woods and to the house. Her fingers wiped at her own tears falling from her eyes.

xxxxxx

**Stabler Lake House**

**Thursday, July 3**

Somehow, Olivia managed to make it through lunch, Rhett on one side of her and Lizzie on the other. She and Kathy had even exchanged a few comments to one another. And kept them civil. She played with Eli for a little bit and then stood near the water's edge with Marie, Erin and Dee and watched as Lizzie and Dickie pulled him around in the water in a baby float. Rhett was under the shade of the big oaks, talking sports with the other men. He glanced up and caught Olivia's eye and winked, smiling.

Elliot was no where to be found. Maureen had come to lunch several minutes after everyone else had been seated. She looked extremely upset and was very quiet throughout the whole meal. She kept glancing at Olivia, but every time Olivia looked up at her, she would look away. Kathleen kept looking at Maureen and then Olivia. She did _not_ look away when Olivia looked up. She gave her the same icy glare that her father did. The glare that was so familiar to Olivia Kathleen definitely had Elliot's eyes and was most like him in temperament. As soon as the meal was over, Olivia saw Kathleen go to Maureen and whisper something in her ear. They headed back toward the house, but then turned and the last she saw them they were walking down the dirt road.

"Who wants to water ski or ride the tube?" A male voice called out.

Olivia froze. Elliot. A chorus of children, teenagers and young adults hollered and yelled and called out that they wanted to go. Slowly, she turned. Elliot was standing about twenty five feet up the hill from her. He had on the same clothes as earlier. Gray nylon track shorts and a blue muscle shirt and black Nike flip flops. He was grinning at the kids as they came running toward him. He caught her eye and the smile fell from his face. Then all the kids surrounded him, jumping up and down, pulling on him, he laughed and held his hands up to quiet them.

"Okay, okay. The boat seats ten. I need one more adult and then eight kids." Pulling teasingly at the pony tail of a tiny girl, Elliot had his arm was around a young boy who had both his arms wrapped around Elliot's waist. "Let's get a good mixture of older and younger kids so you older ones can help keep an eye on the little ones, okay?" He tousled the hair of one of his nieces.

Olivia thought her name was Maddie or Morgan. No, Morgan was the other little girl, her sister. Joey and Dee's little girls. She could not take her eyes off of Elliot. He was so good with children and they all seemed to adore him. She noticed his eyes were red rimmed and his face still had not regained its natural color. She could tell he had been crying. She knew this because she knew him like the back of her hand. She doubted anyone else in the group would ever suspect he had shed tears. Or why.

The passel of kids followed him as he began walking toward the dock and the boat which meant he was walking toward her. Their eyes locked, the silent conversation they normally could hold, was muted. Muted by pain, confusion. And then she heard it. The single question in his eyes. Why, Liv? Why my brother? When he was about ten feet from her, he reached down, crossed his arms, grabbed the hem and pulled off the muscle shirt. His bare chest, chiseled to near perfection from his pecs to his abs, was hard, firm evidence that he spent long hours working out. He was ripped. What she could not see beneath the fine physical specimen he presented, was that his insides were just as ripped. Ripped to shreds by the revelations of the day. His heart ripped in two.

"I'm gonna take the kids out. Need another adult to ride along. Joey?" Elliot called out to the group.

He was much too close for comfort now, so, Olivia avoided his eyes, choosing to watch Eli squealing in the float as Dickie splashed him.

"Dee and I were out all this morning. How about taking Olivia? She hasn't been out." Joey suggested.

Olivia's head snapped back to them, glancing at Elliot and then looking away. "Oh...no! It's so hot out and please...I'm sure someone else would like to ride." Olivia sharply protested.

"Oh, go on. It will be a blast." Dee pushed her. "It looks like you have your swimsuit on under your tank top. You can jump in if it gets too hot. Go!"

"I...uh...I..." She stammered looking between Dee and Joey, Elliot and then looking toward Rhett hoping that perhaps he would come to her rescue. But, he was engaged in an animated conversation and did not see her.

"Yea, come on, Liv. This heat's nothing compared to the way it's going to get before it's all over." Elliot's voice sounded light. But Olivia did not miss the double entendre of his words nor the rage in his eyes.

Joey was already on the boat handing out life jackets and making sure the kids were securely strapped with them. He handed one to Olivia. She reluctantly took it. "You don't have to put it on right now...but keep it near." She nodded and stepped into the boat.

There were the older teens Brant, Lizzie, Brooke, Russ and then Morgan, Maddie, Daniel, and Peter, who ranged in age from six to thirteen.

She tried to take a seat at the back of the boat, but Elliot told her to sit in the single seat across from the captain's seat. She just looked at him but then sat where he told her without so much as a word of protest.

"It swivels around...I'll need you to keep an eye on whoever is skiing or being pulled. If they fall, let me know immediately." His blue eyes were hidden behind the dark sunglasses.

**Greenwood Lake**

**Thursday, July 3**

He put the boat in reverse and slowly backed away from the dock. He idled about a hundred feet and then pushed the throttle forward and the boat roared off. The wind felt good in Olivia's short hair and the sun was not as hot as when they were sitting still. Elliot pulled off into a small cove and threw the tube overboard. It would seat four kids so the first group jumped out. The other four sat on the back seat to watch. Elliot eased off, slowly building up speed. The kids squealed and laughed with delight as he ran the boat in circles and figure eights. Olivia could not help but smile and laugh herself.

He pulled them for about fifteen minutes, then got the second group settled. Their time was almost up. Elliot kept stealing glances at Olivia. She was beautiful. Her white smile was more brilliant than ever against her olive skin. She already had a tan and her cheeks were pink now from the heat or the wind or maybe the sun. Her thick, chestnut hair with it's lighter streaks was blowing in the wind and he wanted to run his fingers through it, take fistfuls of it and pull her to him in a deep kiss. He nearly groaned out loud. It was bad enough that he thought these things about Olivia when he was a married man. It was much worse that he thought these things about the woman who was going to become his brother's wife. Wife. His brother and Olivia...together...he shook his head to expel the thoughts that were closing in on him. She noticed and looked at him questioningly. He pretended to not see her.

"Uncle Sonny? Can we go to that cove that has all those neat stones?" Peter asked.

"You mean Smooth Rock Cove? Sure. Why not? Give us time to swim and cool off a little." He told his cousin's ten year old son.

As he pulled the raft in, Olivia had a great view. She watched as the muscles in his arms and back and legs stretched and rippled and moved as he wrapped the rope around his shoulder and elbow and pulled first the kids and then the raft on board.

Heading for the cove, she was suddenly nervous. On the boat, he was occupied driving and she had the kids to watch. They had not talked at all unless it was for him to tell her how to get one of the kids up in the boat or for her to let him know someone had fallen off or they wanted to go faster or slower.

**Greenwood Lake, Smooth Rock Cove **

**Thursday, July 3**

He turned the boat off and it ran perfectly on the sand of the beach, coming to a smooth stop. The kids jumped off, talking and laughing loudly. "Keep your jackets on. All of you." Elliot told them.

Olivia felt the sun, hot again, burning her shoulders. She had ditched her tank top within the first ten minutes of getting on the boat. She picked up a bottle of sun screen and began rubbing it over her arms and shoulders. Just as she was thinking she would get Lizzie to put some on her back, Elliot took the bottle from her hand.

"Turn around." He was not asking her. He was telling her.

His blue eyes squinted at her now that his sunglasses rested on the top of his head. She swallowed hard and started to say something, but he put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around. Just that slight touch was enough to send electricity coursing through her. She nearly passed out at the thought of his hands on her for any amount of time.

He poured the lotion onto her back and she arched involuntarily, standing up straighter. It was hot.

"Sorry...didn't realize it would be so hot." He told her.

"That's okay." She whispered, her stomach clenching at the thoughts that were beginning to fill her head.

His hands began spreading the lotion across her shoulders, careful to get under the straps. He wrapped his hands over the top of her shoulders, rubbing some of the lotion on the top part of her chest, stretching his fingers lower. She felt herself responding to him in a way she did not want to respond. She reached up a grabbed his hands, stopping them from going any further. He squeezed her hands before pulling away and returning to her shoulders. His fingers spread the lotion on her neck, under her hair, stopping to slightly massage her neck. She unconsciously leaned back and into him as a low moan sounded in her throat. A smirk spread across his lips.

She could not believe she did that. She moaned. It was really low. Maybe he did not hear it. She needed to get away from his hands, from him. But it felt so good to have him near. Touching her. She had on a one piece suit and the back was deeply cut. To make sure he got the lotion over all the exposed skin, he slid his fingers underneath her suit all around the perimeter of her back. Each time he traveled up her back, he slid his hands a little further under her suit near her breasts. She knew what he was doing. Finally, she put her arms firmly down by her side to stop his fingers from straying too close to forbidden territory and though she was not a praying woman, she prayed he did not notice her heavy breathing.

He was playing with fire and he knew it. His hands, innocently spreading sun screen, were all over Olivia's back and shoulders slipping around to her sides dangerously close to her breasts. He was crazy. Crazy about her. Crazy to put himself...and her...in this situation. He had some decisions to make. And soon. He feared it may be too late for some of them. He kept smoothing the lotion on and around long after it was completely spread and soaked in. He simply did not want to stop touching her. He heard the soft moan and the change in her breathing and knew she was just as affected by this as he and that emboldened him. He stepped closer, eliminating the little space there had been between them.

Placing his hands on her waist, he leaned even closer and whispered in her ear. "Olivia, what am I suppose to do? Tell me, please. What am I suppose to do?"

She crossed her arms at her waist and placed her hands over his. The pain in his voice, very nearly sucked the air from around her. "Elliot...I...I..." Her voice did not sound like her. It was low and raspy.

"Uncle Sonny...Morgan's throwing up!" Maddie hollered.

He released her suddenly and they both jumped from the boat to check on Morgan. All the kids were gathered around her by this time. Brooke and Lizzie were patting her and pulling her hair that had escaped from the ponytail away from her face.

"What's the matter, honey?" He knelt down, looking into the little girl's eyes. The youngest of the group, she was only six.

"My stomach hurts and I want my mommy!" She wailed and flung herself into Elliot's arms.

Hugging her to him, he tried to console her. "You'll be all right. I've got you, sweetheart, okay?" He stood up and carried her to the boat. Olivia jumped in and helped Morgan as Elliot lifted her up and into the boat. Elliot helped the other kids into the boat and pushed it out into the deeper water, then climbed in and took his seat at the controls.

"Where does your tummy hurt, Morgan?" Olivia asked her, concern filling her big brown eyes.

"Right here." She pointed to her lower right side.

Olivia looked up at Elliot and he nodded slightly. Appendicitis? Olivia, Lizzie and Brant had cell phones but no one could get service to let anyone know there may be a problem. As soon as the others were safely on the boat, he turned the engine and raced toward the house.

xxxxxx

Ten minutes later Elliot brought the boat smoothly into the slip, Brant and Russ jumped off and pulled it in and tied it up. Olivia was taking Morgan's jacket off and as soon as she was free of it, Elliot picked up Morgan and carried her up the hill, hollering for Joey. She had thrown up twice on the way home. Olivia helped the other children out of their jackets and off of the boat and jumped off herself. She ran up the hill, following Elliot.

Most of the adults were sitting at the two picnic tables, shaded by the massive umbrellas standing in the middle of each one. Everyone stood up, alarmed at Elliot hollering for Joey, while carrying Morgan. Joey and Dee met him a few feet from the tables. Kathy came around to stand in front of him. Rhett went to Olivia who had followed right behind Elliot to check on Morgan. Elliot explained what had happened. Dee and Joey questioned Morgan and decided they needed to have her checked out by a doctor. They took off toward the house. Marie and Erin followed them.

Rhett came up behind Olivia and put his arms around her waist pulling her close as he whispered in her ear. "You left without telling me..." He kissed her on the top of her head. "I missed you."

She turned around, putting her arms around him and leaned up to meet his kiss. It was long and deep.

Elliot was watching them, the muscle in his jaw jumping, as his hands curled into fists. He took a deep breath and turned to go inside. When he did, he looked straight into the icy glare of Kathy's blue eyes. Their eyes locked, shock and guilt in his, anger and condemnation in hers. He had so much to atone for, he did not know where to begin. Or if he even wanted to atone for some things. Her arms folded, she shook her head in disgust and turned to go to the house.

xxxxx

**A/N:** _**I simply have no word to express my gratitude for the outpouring of support for my Mom and friend and me. To all of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. And for the super reviews, WOW! I really didn't think I did very well on the last chapter...because I had so much on my mind. But you guys lifted me up! Thanks! I hope I don't let you down. Here's the latest...and BTW...I am thinking this story is going to be longer than I intended. Hope that is okay. " ) Bensler**_


	25. Astonished

**Chapter 25 - Astonished**

**Stabler Lake House**

**Thursday, July 3**

The family volleyball tournament was a blast. Olivia absolutely loved it. The friendly competition, the good natured ribbing and joking. She thought the last time she had played volleyball was at an NYPD spring picnic the first or second year she was a detective. There were enough people for four teams and they had played several matches. She and Rhett were on a team with Emily, her husband, Mark, Aunt Lynn, Kathleen, Justin, Maddie and Peter. They came in second place. Uncle James and Elliot's team won.

Olivia had tried joking with Kathleen and even asking for some pointers about serving but she pretty much ignored Olivia during the whole game. Maureen on the other hand had sidled up to her during the changing of sides and asked her if she was okay. Olivia asked her what she meant but before she could answer, Uncle James came up behind her and started talking to them. Maureen excused herself and Olivia had not been close enough to talk to her since then.

Supper was a bit late that evening and consisted of sandwiches. A wide variety of meat and every kind of trimming were there for the picking, laid out on the huge butcher block in the center of the kitchen. Turkey, ham, roast beef, pastrami, salami, pepperoni, onions, pickles, tomatoes, peppers, olives, lettuce, Swiss, cheddar, provolone and pepper jack cheeses. Several kinds of chips and breads from which to choose and of course, all the condiments. The idea was for each person to build their own sandwich. Even the youngest children were allowed to make their own. The only requirement was that you had to eat whatever you made.

Joey, Dee and Morgan had returned late that evening, in the middle of the sandwich supper. Morgan's MRI showed nothing out of the ordinary and the ER doctor felt certain she just had a stomach virus. Since she was still throwing up some, she was lying on the love seat in the living room with an aluminum bucket at her side.

The sun had finally faded from the sky and the evening was pleasant. Several adults and kids sat on the front porch to eat and Rhett and Olivia were among them. After she finished her meal, she joined in the conversations for a bit, but she really needed some time alone. Having lived by herself for so long, she was not used to so many people and she needed some space. To breathe. To think. To just be. She still had not really had time to process that Rhett and Elliot were brothers.

She leaned over to Rhett and whispered in his ear. "I'm going to take a walk...probably down to the lake. I need some quiet."

"Hmmm...I'll go with you." He started to get up.

"Uh...no. Please...if you don't mind, I just need a little time alone, okay?" Kissing his cheek, she ran her hands over his broad shoulders.

Worry instantly filled his face. "Everything okay?" He took her hand in his. "You okay?"

"I'm fine...just not used to so many people and so much chatter. I just need a little quiet. That's all." She pulled her hand from his, cupped his chin with it and kissed him. "I won't be long."

"Be careful...don't get too close to the water..." He warned, taking her hand once again.

"Rhett, I'm a big girl and an excellent swimmer. Captain of the swim team, remember? I'll be fine." She grinned as she headed down the steps and into the darkness.

**On the Dock**

**Thursday, July 3**

She walked slowly down the grassy hill from the house to the lake. The night air was cooler than the day, but still comfortable even with her tank top and shorts. It was July after all. There was a single wooden swing hanging from a huge oak near the water's edge. She down on it, barely swinging and looked out over the lake. There were a few dots of light here and there, indicating homes across the way and a couple of moving points of lights from boats passing in the night.

The sky was lit up by the moon surrounded with millions of stars. She was mesmerized by their twinkling beauty and astonished at the sheer number of them. Rarely did she see any stars in the city, let alone such a magnificent display as she now enjoyed. What would it be like to live somewhere like this, she wondered? If she did, she knew she would find her way out here every night, to relax, to ponder, to think. Then her mind turned to the more serious issues at hand.

She could not believe Rhett was Elliot's brother. She should have known. Should have realized something. Sensed it. Shouldn't she? Maybe she did and just did not understand it at the time. Maybe that was why she fell for him so quickly. Why they seemed to have known each other forever. Why they clicked so well. Why she felt a bond with him that she had not felt since she met Elliot. Rhett's and Elliot's eyes were nearly identical...that blue was so unusual. And the whole family had them. She had kept thinking how his eyes were so familiar.

She remembered the night she saw him kiss Emily and thought it was another woman. He had stood with his feet wide apart and his hands on his hips and she wanted to hit him because that was how Elliot stood when he was angry and she was mad at him and Rhett both. She remembered how his eyes had narrowed and changed colors just like Elliot's. Yes, she should have recognized the similarities long ago. They were so blatant now. She and Elliot had confessed their feelings for one another only days ago. But, what did it matter? It was too late. It had been too late the minute he told her Kathy was pregnant. And now he was with Kathy again. They had Eli and she had Rhett. She had fallen in love with him. Deeply.

She was so confused about it all now. Not about her feelings. She would always love Elliot. But they could not be together. She wanted desperately to belong somewhere. To have a family. When they turned her down for adoption, she thought she would die. Maybe now, she could have her own. Rhett wanted children as much as she and she was sick of being alone. And she did love Rhett. Very much. And she still wanted to marry him. It was just that now that she knew she would be marrying into the Stabler family, it presented a myriad of problems. Or at the very least some extremely awkward situations. She was sure Kathy was simply ecstatic about the idea. Right. No doubt Elliot had told Kathy about her engagement. And Kathleen would be thrilled as well, if she didn't already know. Kathleen already blamed her for her parents' earlier separation.

She knew this was tearing Elliot up...he hated every guy she dated. He had been devastated to find out she was engaged..and now that it was his brother...she wished she knew what to do or say to him to make things better. She knew this was just another knife in his heart. She needed to talk to someone. She pushed the button on her watch, it lit up revealing the time. Nine forty. Casey would still be up...maybe she should give her a call.

She stood up from the swing and walked down to the dock. The moon reflected across the water in a shimmering path of light that looked as if you could step out onto it and walk to the moon. She went to the end of the dock and leaned against the wooden railing. The only sounds were the soft lapping of the water against the pilings, the creaking of the boat straining at its moorings, the steady chirp of crickets and the harsh, intermittent croak of a lone bull frog. The fragrance of honeysuckle filled the air. It was so peaceful here.

"When I was a kid...I'd sneak out in the middle of the night to come down here and lie on the dock and stare up at the sky. I still love it." He spoke softly and quietly.

Startling at the sudden sound of his voice, her heart constricted but she somehow managed to cover her fright. Now if only she could slow her heart down and convince her lungs to resume breathing, she might survive whatever was about to transpire. He was somewhere behind her...lying down...maybe ten feet to her right. Trying to remember if there were benches on the sides of the dock both behind as well as to her right, she mentally placed him _and _her escape route. She remained silent.

"It's beautiful out here, isn't it?" He spoke again, still quiet, still from the same place. So, she at least knew he had not moved. Had not come any closer. She did not want to be faced with what she went through earlier this afternoon with the sun screen. She could _not_ go through that again. Especially, not out here in the dark. Alone.

"It is." She answered, barely audible. It took great effort to force the words from her mouth.

He did not speak again right away and the silence stretched out before them, heavy and tense. Endless. Filling the night. Filling the space between them and around them. There was a time when their silences were comfortable. When, in the silence they could say everything they needed to say, could find companionship and acceptance and safety. Nothing felt safe about this silence. Nothing at all. Now, she wanted to turn and run back to the house. To true safety. She wished Rhett would come looking for her. Anything to avoid this confrontation, to avoid Elliot just a little longer. She dreaded this silence, yet when he spoke, she wished he had not.

"Why, Liv?" His voice was still quiet, but now laced with undeniable pain.

"Why? Why what?" She frowned in confusion, though he could not see her. Her voice was quiet.

"Why my brother? You could have any guy you want." He asked, his raspy voice, hollow.

Any guy she wants? What a joke? The guy she wanted for nearly nine years, still wanted, was behind her on the deck. He was married. He had a wife. He had five kids. He had a world to which she did not belong. Would never share. No. She could not have any guy she wanted.

"You're wrong, El. I can't have any guy I want." She whispered to the lake, her voice floating over the water.

"What do you mean?" He had moved but not closer. She thought he might have sat up.

"You _know_ what I mean. And there's no need to even go there, now, is there?" Sorrow and regret filled her voice.

He sighed heavily. "Why...why d-did it have to be my brother? You trying to hurt me as bad as you can, Liv? Huh? Is that it?" His voice was harder now, demanding, though he tried to maintain a low volume.

He had moved again. This time she was sure he was standing. And there was no mistaking the anger that had crept into his voice. Anger had crept up on her as well. She whirled around to respond to him. He was standing about six feet from her. He had changed clothes, now wearing a mustard yellow t-shirt, tight enough that even in the dark, she could see the outline of his muscles in the shadows cast from the moonlight. The jean shorts he wore were cutoffs and he was barefoot.

"I didn't _know_ he was your brother, Elliot!" She snapped at him, running her hand through her hair.

Even in the moonlight, she could see the glare he sent her way. "You know it, _now_." He growled. He was standing, feet wide apart, fists curled by his side. His classic angry stance.

Her hands flying everywhere, she growled back. "What? I'm supposed to give up the best thing that has ever happened to me because he turned out to be your brother? Are you kidding me?" She snorted and turned back to the lake. "This isn't all about you, Elliot."

"The best thing? What about _me_? What about what _we_ have, Olivia?" He had taken a couple of steps closer and was only a foot or so from her.

She turned to him once again, looking him over from head to toe and back to meet his eyes. "What _we_ have? What do _we_ have, Elliot?" Sarcasm coated each word. "Confessions of forbidden feelings that _we_ can't act on? A couple of stolen kisses? That's not much to live on. Trust me, I've been trying to do it for years."

She saw him wince at her words and hated herself that she hurt him again. "Not much...not much..." Dragging his hands over his face and head, he whispered as though to himself, not her.

When he looked up at her, the pain was etched in every line of his face. "How...how am I suppose to do this? See you at every family function...with him. With my brother. Spend my days with you knowing you belong, not just to someone else, but to my brother. How do I live knowing you'll never be mine, Olivia? Tell me how!"

Never dropping her gaze, she stepped within inches of his face. Even out here, in the dark, with only the light from the moon, his eyes were so blue. "The same way I have for the past eight or nine years, El."

She stepped around him to leave, but he caught her arm, roughly pulling her to him. Their lips were inches apart. So, close Olivia could feel the warmth of his breath and smell the gum...Spearmint...he must have been chewing recently. Her heart was pounding and the blood rushed to her head causing her to feel unbalanced. Or was that just because of Elliot's close proximity. She could not remember when he had begun to have that effect on her. Just as he leaned closer, bringing his lips within millimeters of hers, she jerked away from him.

"Get your hands off me, Elliot." She hissed, her eyes narrowed. He stared at her and then backed up a step, his hands held slightly up in surrender.

As she turned to go, Elliot spoke one last time, pleading. "Olivia, don't. Please don't do this."

Olivia walked off of the dock. Just as she got to where it connected with the ground, she paused, startled for the second time that evening. For just a few seconds, she met the blue eyes that were intently watching her and Elliot, then she lifted her head just a bit higher, looked away and continued back to the house.

Elliot felt hot tears that had welled in his eyes, spill over and run down his face. He sniffled and swiped at them with the back of his hand. He didn't hear her footsteps, rather he sensed a presence. Thankful that she had come back, he turned quickly, whispering her name almost as though it were a prayer.

"Olivia..." He turned and came face to face with Kathy.

She glared at him. "What's going on, Elliot?" Kathy voice was a mixture of frustration and resignation.

His mouth fell open in shock and he could not speak. He tried again, finally able to form words. "Nothing. Nothing's going on, Kathy." He pushed past her but she caught his arm.

"What I just saw was not 'nothing', Elliot. I have a right to know what is going on." She looked him straight in the eye.

"Kathy..." He warned between clenched teeth. "Drop it." He could not deal with her right now.

He pulled her hand from his arm and started walking down the dock. "You're jealous. Jealous of your own brother. How pathetic." She snorted.

He froze in his tracks. He wanted to hit something. Badly. He was breathing in through his nose with sharp, rapid bursts. He thought his chest would explode with anger. His hands fisted at his side and he felt the blood slamming into his head with such force it caused a tremendous pain with each beat of his heart.

Kathy now walked past him. "Olivia loves Rhett." She laughed, but there was no humor. "After all these years, she doesn't want you. Get over it." She had _some_ nerve.

He could not stop himself. He snatched Kathy by her arm, making her turn around. Then he grabbed her shoulders and began to shake her violently. "Shut up! You hear me, Kathy? You shut up!"

"Elliot! Let go of me! Elliot! You're hurting me!" She cried out.

"Sonny! Take it easy!" Rhett's booming voice thundered over Elliot and Kathy's.

He had come looking for Olivia. And when he saw two people on the dock, he thought they might have seen her. He knew the woman was not Olivia, because he could see the silhouette of her long hair. Elliot let go of Kathy so quickly, she lost her balance. Rhett reached to steady her, glaring at Elliot.

He looked down at Kathy. "You okay?" She nodded. He let go of her and turned his heated focus on Elliot. "What's the problem here?"

"Believe me..." Kathy's voice dripping with sarcasm. "You don't want to know." She looked at Rhett and then Elliot as she left the dock and headed back up the hill to the house.

Rhett turned back to Elliot, just as Elliot was about to pass him. He took a step sideways, blocking his exit. "You didn't answer me. What's going on, Sonny?"

Elliot glared at his brother, his eyes narrowed. "It's none of your business." His voice was a low, guttural sound. "Get out of my way."

He stood his ground. "Look, I don't mean to pry, but, if you need to talk about things between you and Kathy...or anything...I'm here for you. That's all." Rhett hated that things were so bad between he and Sonny.

Elliot tossed his head back in a mirthless laughter. "You've been gone for over twenty years and you expect to march back into our lives, into _my_ life, and say 'hey, I'm home...come on, now, let's pick up where we left off...let's be brothers again...I'm here for you...'? Ain't gonna happen, _Bro_!" Elliot pushed him aside and went up to the house, heading for the back door.

xxxxx

**Stabler Lake House**

**Thursday Night, July 3**

Olivia could not find Rhett when she returned to the house and she was ready to shower and settle down for the night. The day had been long and her encounter with Elliot had worn her down emotionally. Dickie brought her bag in for her and Marie insisted she have her own room, since she was a guest and showed her a small guest room on the lower floor. Though she wanted to be near Rhett, she was thankful that she was going to have her own private area. She had just come from the bathroom down the hall and was unpacking her suitcase, when she heard a soft knock at the door. She grabbed her blue cotton robe and tied it around her over her tank top and boy shorts. Opening the door slightly, she saw Rhett.

"Hey, baby. Mom said you came in about twenty minutes ago." He whispered.

She opened the door all the way, standing to the side to let him enter. "Yea...I'm really tired."

She kissed him on the cheek as she closed the door. He grabbed her to him. "Went looking for you." His hands traveled up and down her back and she melted into him.

"Mmmm...sat in the swing and then down at the dock for a while." She murmured against him, just a hint of his cologne still evident in each breath she took. "It's beautiful out there."

"At the dock? You must have seen Sonny and Kathy, then, huh?" His voice was low.

She tensed. She hoped Rhett did not notice. She couldn't lie...what if they told him they saw her? "Uh...yea...I saw them." She kissed his neck, hoping to distract him from this conversation.

He groaned at her touch. "They were having a knock-down, drag-out fight when I saw them." His hands were now tangling in her hair.

"Uh-huh...that's Elliot and Kathy." She really wished he would change the subject. Or just hush.

"I sort of butted in, because Sonny was getting kind of rough with her." He kissed her forehead and temple.

She pulled back from him. "What? What do you mean 'getting kind of rough'?"

"I don't know...he was yelling at her and had her by the shoulders, shaking her pretty hard." He leaned down to kiss her, but she turned away.

"Did he hurt her?" The frown on her face deepened. She could not believe what he was telling her.

She had heard that their fights could get pretty bad, but she never really thought about it getting physical. She was used to Elliot's yelling, very used to it, but she could not imagine him physically hurting her or Kathy or any woman. She was very concerned if that had happened because it would mean he was on the edge.

"No...she said she was fine." He smoothed her hair back and stared at her. "You seem upset. I'm sorry...maybe I shouldn't have shared that with you."

"Oh...no...no. It's just that...I...I...can't see Elliot ever getting physical like that with Kathy." She looked past him as she explained.

"But you don't seem surprised that they fight..." He observed.

"They fight all the time." Just like he and I fight all the time. They are miserable together. Just like he and I are miserable together. "What were they fighting about?" She was not sure she wanted to know.

"Don't know. Kathy said 'believe me you don't want to know.' Any idea what she meant by that?" He cocked his eyebrow at her.

She bit her lower lip and then released it. Okay. That was enough. She did not want to think of Elliot or Kathy or fighting anymore. She knew they were fighting about her. Her and Elliot.

"No. No idea. Enough about them..." She framed Rhett's face with her hands and pulled him to her in a long, passionate kiss. When he finally broke away, they were both gasping for air.

"I better head upstairs and get a shower before all the hot water is gone." He kissed her quickly on the lips and then the tip of her nose. "I love you, Liv."

She hugged him tightly, burrowing into his chest. "I love you, too."

**Stabler Lake House**

**Friday, July 4**

Olivia had slept late. Late for her. She awoke to the sun streaming in through the window's slatted blinds. It would be another beautiful day. Turning to the bedside table, she covered the clock, shielding it from the sunlight so she could read the time. Eight thirty-seven. She could smell the wonderful aroma of coffee and she wondered if Marie had some tea she could make. When nothing else could get her up and moving, the thought of that first jolt of caffeine did it. She took a quick shower and within ten minutes was in the kitchen with Erin, Marie, Maureen and Dee.

"Good morning." She smiled at the women sitting around the breakfast table.

"How did you sleep, dear?" Marie asked smiled.

"I must have slept wonderfully because I never sleep this late." She smiled and stretched a bit.

"Would you like some coffee?" Erin stood up and went for another mug.

"She only drinks tea." Maureen looked at her, expressionless.

"Oh...well...I'm sure Mom has tea around here..." She found a box and handed it to Olivia.

"Thanks...I'll just heat up the water in the microwave." She took the mug from Erin, too.

After about thirty minutes of conversation between them, thirty minutes in which Maureen was unusually quiet, Kathy appeared at the doorway with Eli. She and Olivia locked eyes, and Olivia smiled at her. Kathy tried to smile back, but it was in vain. Marie stood up and announced it was time to get to work on the lunch preparations. She already had the potatoes boiling for the potato salad. Emily and Aunt Lynn came in the back door, sweaty from an apparent run.

"Oh...if I had known you were running this morning, I might have joined you." Olivia told them.

"Didn't know you were a runner. Well, there's always tomorrow." Emily told her, wiping her face with a towel.

"Great. Count me in." Olivia stood up and took her mug to the sink. "What can I do to help you, Mrs. Stabler?"

"Marie. I told you to call me Marie. Unless you want to call me 'Mom'." She put both her hands over her face and laughed.

Everyone looked around at Olivia. The blush ran up her neck and face immediately, the heat of it almost unbearable. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again, because she did not know what to say. Rhett wanted to announce their engagement today, the 4th, because their first date had been on the 4th of May. They planned to do it when everyone was gathered for lunch.

"Grandma...Liv and I are going for a walk. We'll help when we get back. You don't mind, do you?" Maureen spoke up, surprising Olivia.

"Not all, sweetheart. Take your time." Marie smiled as she waved them off and moved a pot from the stove to the counter.

Maureen grabbed Olivia by the arm and pulled her outside and down the front porch steps. Olivia still had not said anything after Marie's remarks.

**The Woods**

**Friday, July 4**

"You don't mind walking with me, do you?" Maureen asked quietly, glancing sideways at Olivia.

She was taking Olivia on a path along the lake away from the house. It was quiet and still relatively cool outside. The sun was bright, but there were big, puffy, white clouds dotting the sky.

"Of course not. I guess I am a little surprised that you asked me." She looked over at Elliot's oldest child.

She looked straight ahead and had no response, so Olivia spoke again. "I mean, you've pretty much ignored me since I've been here..."

Of all of Elliot's children, she was closest to Maureen. She came to Olivia about things that she would never tell her parents...not in this lifetime, anyway. Olivia provided an objective, yet seasoned view point and advice on a wide range of subjects. Maureen saw her as her friend and Olivia enjoyed her company. Olivia could not remember the first time she realized Maureen sensed the bond between she and Elliot, but she knew she was quite young. Through the years, Maureen had hinted at things, but Olivia never gave her anything substantial to go on. When Kathy left Elliot, Maureen had tried to get her to make a move toward Elliot, to let him know how she felt. She suspected Maureen pushed Elliot to the same. The fact that he had not, said all she needed to hear. And broke her heart.

"Liv, I'm sorry...I just...don't...I...it's...it's..." Maureen was shaking her head as she stammered.

"Complicated." Liv used her old standby word. "It's okay. I understand."

"To say the least." Maureen agreed, she pulled her hair back behind her head with her right hand.

"I know it was a shock seeing me with your Uncle Rhett. Believe me, no one was more shocked when I found out he was your Dad's brother." Olivia had picked up some stones and threw them at the lake. She snorted, thinking about yesterday when she realized that Rhett and Elliot's family were the same.

"Uncle Rhett's totally awesome! But Dad's got a grudge against him...you know, about him leaving home and staying gone so long. Dad says he's mad that he left Grandma like that...but I really think he's mad that he left Dad like he did. Dad said they were best friends growing up." She had picked up some stones now and she and Olivia were having a silent contest to see who could throw the farthest.

Olivia pondered that information and could see that being the real reason. Elliot did know how to hold a grudge. Especially, if he felt wronged. She knew he still had not completely forgiven her for going to computer crimes. Or Oregon. Or Porter.

"How long have you been dating?" Maureen stopped and looked at Olivia.

"Only two months...two months today. But, it seems like I have known him forever. And you're right, Maur...he _is_ totally awesome!"

"You two seem really happy together." She told her.

"We are. Very happy." Olivia looked at her, smiling.

"You're gonna marry him?" She threw her last rock into the lake and watched as the rings rippled out from the entry point.

"Yes...I am." She held out her hand to show the engagement ring.

"Oh, my! Liv, it's gorgeous! I've never seen one with emeralds." She held Liv's hand, turning it one way and then another, watching the diamonds sparkle in the sunlight.

"We met in May so he had those two diamonds replaced with emeralds. May's birth stone." She explained.

"Oh, that is so romantic!" Maureen smiled from ear to ear.

Olivia laughed. A deep, joyful laugh. "Rhett is very romantic. He even writes me love poems."

"Poems? I am so jealous!" She started walking again.

A few minutes later they came to a massive oak, fallen in the woods, stretching out over the lake. Maureen stopped and ran her hand along the bark. Olivia picked a wildflower from underneath the tree and smelled it, taking in it's fresh fragrance.

"Liv...is it possible to be in love with two guys at the same time?" Maureen innocently questioned her.

Olivia's breath caught as a slight gasp escaped and she was sure Maureen heard both. Her head involuntarily snapped up to look at the young woman. Her brilliant blue eyes, so like her father's, pierced Olivia's brown ones, making it nearly impossible for her to maintain eye contact. She was astonished at the blatant question. Shaking her head ever so slightly, she opened her mouth several times before she was able to speak.

"Is it possible to be in love with two guys at the same time?" Her voice was but a pale whisper as she repeated Maureen's question. Was it possible to be in love with two brothers, she asked herself? Was it possible to be in love with her Dad and her uncle, was what Maureen was really asking? And they both knew the answer.

**A/N: **_Well, it looks like everyone wants Elliot to put their sun screen on them...think I'll take him to the beach this summer! And I surprised a lot of you...but quite a number of you figured it out...or thought you had it figured out...Rhett and Elliot being brothers, that is! Yea...let's keep it in the family! Wonder how it will all play out. Just throwing this out there...what do you guys think of a character...gulp...biting the dust...you know...dying? _

_Work has thrown a wrench into my writing time the last couple of day...and since I'm a Fed...I can _**not **_write at work, unlike some of my favorite authors on FanFiction! _

_My heart is bursting with the overflow of your prayers, concern and thoughts for my mom and friend. I will let you know when we know anything else. Waiting on appointments right now. Blessings to all of you! " ) Bensler_

**BiggestSVUFAN** - _Thanks for the title for this chapter and thanks for reading and taking time to review._

**Metal Chick CRISIS 2040** - _Please tell Dick about me! I hate to toot my own horn...most of the time!_

**MegMann** -_ I hope your husband continues to do well. I wanted to email you, but it was not listed. Thanks for the encouragement._

**davesgurl05** - _I am honored to be the first author you have reviewed. Thank you!_

**Marie2185 **- _You hit the nail on the head, girl! Elliot DOES act like Liv is his property! I have never realized that in quite this context._

**LivNel4ever** - _you are right! Rhett and Elliot are a lot alike and we do tend to fall for the same type of person each time...Liv just didn't realized that Rhett was like a surrogate Elliot. Maybe, dare I say it, even better_.

**MHFever **-_ since you also write, isn't it amazing how you can get caught up in these stories and 'three completely fictional characters'. And what's more, we can make them do anything we please!!_

**svuaddictonesix** - _Your detailed reviews are just what an author needs! Sometimes I tend to get caught up in details...I like them. But I need to work on balancing the details with conversations and such. Thanks!_

**Veiled Obsessions - **_Wow! I find myself scanning the reviews in the hope that you have graced me with one of yours! __Your insight into the story is amazing... 'Either way, she's going to shatter the family; by marrying the brother and adding herself into the Stabler clan, or by having an affair with Elliot.' Thanks for taking time to review, Veil!_


	26. Answer

**Chapter 26 - Answer**

**The Woods**

**Friday Morning, July 4**

Olivia stared at Maureen. She knew she was expected to give an answer. She rolled the blue wild flower between her thumb and index finger, then took it and placed it in Maureen's hair over her left ear. She took her by the shoulders, admiring her new accessory and smiled, pulling her to her in a hug. Maureen hugged her back. Releasing her, she picked up the conversation.

"Do you think you are in love with two guys?" Olivia turned it back on her. She was not going to make this easy for her.

Maureen's eyes narrowed slightly as frowned, knowing that Olivia was not going to just answer. "Uh...no...not me. A friend. A really good friend."

Nodding her head slightly, Olivia pushed her hair back behind her ears and realized she could use a haircut. "Ahh...the proverbial friend. Give me some details."

"It _really_ is not me, Liv. It's a friend...and...she has these two great guys that care about her a great deal...and I'm pretty sure she really cares about both of them." Maureen leaned into the tree, picking at its bark and flipping the pieces over her shoulder.

"This...uh...friend tell you she loves both of the guys?" Liv leaned into the tree, mirroring Maureen's position.

Maureen caught Olivia's eye, staring intently at her. "She doesn't have to...it's written all over her face whenever she is with either of them."

Olivia looked down, smiling, hoping to throw her off and praying she would not blush. "So, what's the problem? People play the field all the time..."

Interrupting her, Maureen stood straighter. "The problem is that she is going to marry one of the guys and it looks like she loves him, but I really think it's the other guy she loves the most."

Still looking down, Olivia sucked in her lower lip and took in a deep breath. "I see...so if she loves the other guy the more, why isn't she with _him _if he cares about her? Does he feel the same about her?"

Maureen contemplated this for a long minute. She sighed and turned away from Olivia. "The guy she really loves is sort of...uh...unavailable. And yea...I think he loves her, too."

"Unavailable?" She left the question hanging.

Maureen turned back to face her, her eyes drilling into Olivia's. "He's...uh..he's...sort of married."

"Sort of? What does that mean?" Olivia turned her watch around and around her wrist.

"He and his wife...they...uh...fight all the time...they act like they hate each other...and...it's just...things are not good between them at all. They are always bickering about something." Maureen explained.

"Well, even so...if he's married, then...she does not truly have a choice, does she?" Olivia pointed out the obvious.

"No, I guess she doesn't." She conceded, shaking her head. "But, how can she marry the one guy when she loves the other one more?

"Maybe she realizes she can never be with the one she loves most. Maybe she realizes that to be with him, too many other people would be hurt. Maybe she just wants someone to be with, someone to belong to, to love and be loved. Maybe she is tired of waiting. Maybe she is tired of being alone." Olivia whispered softly.

Looking up, she met Maureen's gaze, watching as the words sank in, as understanding registered in her eyes, followed by a deep sadness. They were both very aware of the thinly disguised real subjects in this question and answer exercise.

Nodding her head, she looked away. "Yea. Maybe you're right." Maureen agreed, sighing heavily. "I never saw it that way. Maybe you're right.

xxxxxxx

Four grills...two gas and two charcoal...sat in a row on the back deck of the Marie Stabler's house.

The smell of hamburgers, hot dogs and chicken grilling hung in the air, making stomachs growl and mouths water. Elliot was manning the charcoal grills, while his cousin, Shane, manned the gas grills. They argued back and forth about which tasted better...food grilled with charcoal or gas.

Everything else was ready and placed on a long table near the house. Potato salad, baked beans, pasta salad, regular salad, chips, pickles, buns, pies, cakes, cookies, lemonade, tea, soda and several platters of chicken, burgers and hot dogs took up nearly every inch of the table. Shane brought over the last of the hamburgers he was grilling and Elliot was close behind with another huge platter of chicken.

"Okay...everyone! Gather around!" Uncle James shouted. After everyone was gathered, he said the blessing and the food quickly disappeared from the table. Thirty minutes later, almost everyone was finished eating and some of the kids were wanting to get back out on the water. Rhett realized the group was getting ready to go their separate ways and glanced at Olivia and squeezing her hand that was on his thigh. She smiled as she nodded. Rhett stood.

"Hey! Can I have everyone's attention, please? Your attention, please." He hollered, waving his hands in the air.

As heads turned, the talking and laughing died away. He smiled broadly looking around at the group of people, his family. He was struck by how much he had missed them over the years and kicked himself again for staying away so long.

"I have a couple of things I'd like to say...first of all, I am thankful and blessed to be back home among my family. It is so good to see everyone again. When I left all those years ago, I felt justified and convinced myself that staying away was the only option. I was young and foolish." Rhett looked around the group, catching the eye of first one and then another. "As an older and hopefully, wiser man, I realize how much I missed by choosing to live my life as I did. How much I sacrificed with those choices."

At this point he looked directly at Elliot who was leaning on the wooden railing near the steps leading off of the deck into the huge backyard and down to the lake. "I hope you can forgive me for running out on you, for not being there like I should have all those years. But no matter how far or near, I never quit loving you all, my family. Never. I do regret all the lost years, but I am so thankful that the events in my life have allowed me to come full circle, to be able to share your lives again. To have you in share my life again."

He looked at his Mom and smiled. She was already wiping tears from her eyes as were both of his sisters and Maureen. "And that brings me to the other thing I wanted to share with you." He looked at Olivia and held out his hand. She took it as she stood and he pulled her close. "This wonderful, gorgeous woman, Olivia Benson, whom you all now know as Liv, has become the most important person in my life. We have been together two months today. And while I know that is not a long time, she and I have become so close, so enmeshed that it seems as though we have known each other forever. She's my everything and she has made me the happiest man in the world by agreeing, wholeheartedly, I might add, to become my wife!"

The group erupted with laughter and words of congratulations, joking and ribbing. Marie came to them first, hugging both of them together, crying her eyes out. Everyone followed, hugging and kissing them. Everyone but Elliot. He was glued to his spot on the deck, nauseous, head pounding, heart in his throat. Wholeheartedly? This was Friday. On Tuesday Olivia had told him 'it can't be a secret to you...that I love you, too...I've been in love with you for years.' How could she _wholeheartedly_ agree to marry his brother. She had also told him 'if you love me...how can you do this to me? Tell me these things when I have finally found someone that I could love in spite of what I feel for you'.

His life was so screwed up. This was the stuff of television and movies, even best selling books. Not everyday life. Certainly not his everyday life. All he knew was he did not think he could survive seeing Olivia marry his brother. But he didn't know what to do about it. He had nothing to offer her and Rhett could give her everything she needed and wanted. Love, a home, a family...children. At the thought of children, Elliot's heart constricted with such force, he grabbed at his chest. He looked around to see if anyone noticed and was met with a set of eyes that were so familiar to him.

Huge, brown eyes, locking with his, speaking silently the audible words from Tuesday morning. He was not imagining it. She loved him. She loved _him_! Why was she marrying someone else? Come on, Stabler! Why? You're unavailable. You had your chance and you blew it. Blew it. Someone else came along and picked up the pieces and it must be some kind of poetic justice that it was your brother. Your brother who used to be your best friend, marrying the woman who has been your best friend for nine years. No. This scenario could not be any more bizarre if someone had come up with it as an idea for book!

Olivia felt as though she were two different people. One person was thrilled to be by Rhett's side, as he announced their engagement. She was ecstatic to know that she was finally going to belong, to be a part of a real family. She was excited to be marrying him. She loved him very much. The problem was with the other person that she harbored within her being.

That person threw a glitch in the whole thing because she loved Elliot more. She was watching him as Rhett made their announcement. She swore she could almost see his heart being ripped to shreds again. His face, even though it was tanned by the last couple of days in the sun, paled. She could almost feel his heart racing, his head pounding, his chest aching with each breath he tried to take. She could almost feel his pain, because she knew it was the same as hers and these were all the things she felt. And when her eyes connected with his, she _saw_ that pain. She wished desperately that she had an answer for him, for her, to this gut wrenching situation. But she had no answer...because there was not one.

Elliot broke from their stare, whirling around and running down the steps. He jogged down to the lake, ripping his shirt off as he hit the dock. He ran the length of the dock and then dove off of it. Even from the distance, Olivia could tell he was a powerful swimmer. Did she expect anything less? Everything he did was done with confidence, boldness and power. Except when it came to her. He seemed unsure, timid, powerless. As she watched him, she became aware of someone watching her and when she looked around she saw Kathy glaring at her, the blue of her eyes cold, accusatory. Olivia refused to break eye contact, so Kathy finally did as she turned and followed the path that Elliot had taken.

The group slowly dispersed, some going to ride on the boat, some to play horseshoes, some of the kids were swimming. Maureen, Brant, Kathleen and Justin were on the jet skis. Erin and Emily covered the food with a big table cloth. They would eat this for supper later. Rhett pulled her to him, kissing her hair.

"What you say we go swim a bit? I brought my frisbee..." He laughed.

"Okay...give me a couple of minutes to change." She smiled up at him.

"Meet me on the front porch in ten." He kissed her again and held the back door open for her.

xxxxxx

**Front Porch of Lake House**

**Friday Afternoon, July 4**

In less than five minutes Olivia was stepping out to the front porch, the bottom of her red bathing suit covered by a pair of gray NYPD nylon shorts. This time she had on a two-piece. She could hear the laughter, shouts and squeals from the group of kids jumping off of the dock, splashing and playing on floats. She smiled to herself at the happy sounds of this July 4th holiday. The front door opened and she turned, smiling, expecting to see Rhett. Instead, she was face to face with Kathy. The smile fell from Olivia's face and Kathy frowned with displeasure at her. Kathy now had on her bathing suit...a light blue one-piece. She must have come in the front way to change. White shorts and blue crocs completed her attire.

Mustering up the remnant of a smile, Olivia was the first to speak. "Hey, Kathy. Going swimming?"

"Olivia." Kathy smiled and spoke softly. "Yes...Elliot has Eli in the baby float."

"Oh. Eli looked like he loves the water. I saw him with the twins yesterday." She smiled, running her hands through her hair.

Kathy looked her over. "You must be very proud of yourself." Her voice was tight and her eyes were icy.

Narrowing her eyes, Olivia leaned her head closer. "Proud? What are you talking about?"

"Don't play innocent. You've acted like you were a part of our family for years. My kids think you are their aunt you've been to so many family and holiday dinners, even Christmas morning one year. And now...now you've figured out a way to _legally_ become part of the family." Kathy's voice was growing louder.

As her eyes grew wide, Olivia's mouth fell open with shock. "Kathy, I was _invited_ to those family functions...by Elliot...or you. I never forced the issue." Olivia could not believe Kathy was saying these things.

"Of course, you were invited. Elliot feels sorry for you... 'she's alone, she has no one, poor Liv'...that's the _only_ reason you were ever invited!"

If Kathy's goal was to hurt Olivia, it was working. The pain was evident on her face. "Excuse me?"

"No. There is no excuse for what you have done." Kathy snapped at her.

"What _I've _done?" Olivia was genuinely puzzled at this remark as well as hurt by Kathy's attitude.

"You couldn't get Elliot so you trapped his brother instead." The venom in her voice caught Olivia off guard. Is this what Elliot dealt with all the time?

Okay...okay. She had been trying to remain polite and civil in spite of Kathy's diatribe. What was that question Dr. Phil always asked... 'how's that working for you'? Playing nice was _not_ working, so she figured she'd play the game Kathy's way. And it was apparent she wanted to play dirty. Fine! I can play dirty with the best of them. So...let's play dirty, Olivia thought.

"I didn't know Rhett was Elliot's brother. And you're the one with the corner on trapping men, Kathy. Not me!" Olivia retorted, her brown eyes now black with anger.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kathy demanded, her face now red with her own anger.

"It means I did _not_ know Rhett and Elliot were brothers! What else would it mean?" There must be some truth to all those dumb blond jokes, Olivia thought, as she glared at Kathy.

"No. What did you mean about me having a corner on trapping men? Elliot is the only man I've ever been with...unlike some people!" Kathy took a step closer, but Olivia stood her ground.

"And you managed to trap him twice, Kathy! Getting pregnant the first time got him to marry you and the second time it got him to come back after signing divorce papers even when he did not want to come back! So, yea...you're the one with all the trapping skills." Olivia was breathing hard and her heart was banging against her chest.

"How dare you!" Kathy was about to strike her.

Just then Olivia noticed Rhett standing at the screen door standing in the foyer. The look on his face was one of bewilderment and shock at what was going on before him. It seemed as though someone had punched her in the gut as she wondered just how long he had been standing there and how much he had heard. She knew he would question her about this. She just hoped she could find an appropriate answer.

At almost the exact moment she saw Rhett at the door, Kathy raised her hand to slap her, stopping midair as another voice sounded behind Olivia at the bottom of the steps. She watched Kathy's glare turn from her to the owner of the voice.

"Don't you touch her, Kathy!" Elliot's menacing voice was deeper than usual. His eyes narrow slits.

Kathy lowered her hand, looking back and forth between Olivia and Elliot. The screen door squeaked as Rhett stepped out onto the porch. His eyes on Kathy as he walked to Olivia and put and arm around her.

"You okay?" He asked her trying to get her to look at him.

Her eyes were still locked on Kathy, she glanced at Rhett finally. "Yea...just peachy."

Kathy took off down the steps, careful to avoid Elliot as she headed for the woods. Elliot was staring at Olivia and she looked his way. Their eyes met and she could feel the pain emanating from him. He turned and followed Kathy.

The look between them was not lost on Rhett. His mind was twirling with questions and thoughts and fear as he watched them. He needed to think and he knew this would not be a good time to discuss what he had heard and seen. So, he decided to put it aside and make the best of the day.

"Hey, come on. Let's go swim." He took her hand and she let him lead her to the water.

xxxxxx

**At the Lake**

**Friday Afternoon, July 4**

Hours later, Rhett and Olivia roared back to the dock on the jet skis. She could not remember when she had so much fun. When she was in the academy, she dated a guy that had a motorcycle and he had taught her how to ride. She remembered how free she had felt with the wind tearing through her hair and how powerful she felt knowing she controlled the machine beneath her.

The jet skis were even better because she could speed over the wake of boat and jump, flying into the air. She could rev up the engine racing across the water and then turn suddenly in circles or figure eights with no fear of wiping out and getting hurt. They had ridden with Emily and Marc for a long time, each couple on one jet ski but then they had gotten to ride single. They filled up the gas tank before heading back. Now, Rhett was on the dock and she threw him the line from her jet ski. He helped her off and up. He pulled her to him and kissed her deeply, running his hands along her bare back.

Elliot was sitting on a blanket about fifty feet from them. Kathleen was lying next to Justin soaking up sun and Eli was napping under an umbrella on his own towel. Elliot could not take his eyes off of her. He watched Rhett help her up to the dock. She had on a red bikini that showed off her physically fit body and left little to the imagination. She tanned easily and was much darker now than she had been this morning. Then he watched as his brother pulled her to him and kissed her. His hands were all over her bare back. Skin to skin She had her right hand on the back of Rhett's head and the left around him, caressing his back. Elliot felt the familiar stirring within him...the combination of the fury, the jealousy at someone else being with her, touching her. What was he going to do? What _could _he do?

xxxxxx

**Fireworks At the Lake**

**Friday Night, July 4**

The whole Stabler clan set up camp around the lake, ready for the fireworks that would be set off across the way from them as soon as it was dark. In addition to the two picnic tables, there were lawn and beach chairs, blankets and towels. People were everywhere. Several of the boys were tossing a football and Rhett, Olivia, Kathleen and Justin were throwing the frisbee as the last light of the day faded from the sky. Kathleen had finally talked to Olivia some, apparently putting aside whatever issue she had with her earlier. Olivia suspected Maureen had talked to her and that was the reason for her change of heart. Whatever the reason, they had a good time throwing the frisbee and Olivia was glad.

Marie was sitting with Olivia and Rhett on one side and Uncle James and Lynn on the other and Erin's family behind them. Marie was in a lawn chair while Olivia was sitting on a cooler next to her and Rhett was stretched out on the blanket a few feet from them. Marie took Olivia's hand in hers.

"Liv, I am just so thrilled that Rhett found you. I always worried about him not having someone. But, honey, I think he was wise to wait until you came along." She smiled, her blue eyes twinkling.

"Thank you. I'm glad he found me, too." She smiled back at the older woman.

"Any idea when you will marry?" She asked, taking a swallow of the lemonade she held in her hand.

"No...not really. We've only know each other a couple of months...though it does seem like I've known him for a lifetime...he'll be gone three weeks...I dread that...being without him. We really have not discussed when...so I can't tell you anything...he said we would know when the timing was right." She smiled again and wiped the perspiration from her brow and upper lip.

"How long have you and Sonny...I mean Elliot, been partners now? It's been awhile." Marie looked around at her family surrounding her.

"Nine years." She told her.

"That's a long time. You must know each other very well by now." Her voice was quiet.

Olivia smiled to herself. "Yea...he's my best friend." He was my best friend...not at all sure what he is now. All I know for sure is that I love the guy.

"Oh...can I asked you something...in confidence?" She leaned closer to Olivia.

Puzzled, Olivia nodded. "Sure."

"You know he and Kathy separated and nearly divorced, Kathleen was so upset. She talked to me and she was convinced that her father was in love with someone else, but she would never say who. Was there someone else?" She whispered.

Olivia was floored. She could not believe Marie had asked her this question and she had no idea how to answer. What was she supposed to say? Oh, yea. That would be me. The one he was...is... in love with. The same one who loves him back and is in love with him...and his brother. That answer question? She did not want to lie to the woman who was going to be her mother-in-law. She did not want to lie ever. So, instead, she smiled and shook her head.

"I think that is something you should ask Elliot...uh...Sonny." Olivia looked Marie straight in the eye as she spoke.

Marie just smiled and nodded her head. She settled back into her seat as Rhett reached up and pulled Olivia down beside him. She put her head on his chest and he ran his fingers through her hair. They snuggled under the night sky, watching as the stars began appearing in the clear sky.

When the fireworks got cranked up, Eli started to cry. Nothing would console him. He could be heard over everything and finally, Kathy got up and took him to the house. Elliot remained behind, lying on his back on the same blanket he had been on this afternoon. His crew was behind Erin and beside Emily's family.

The fireworks over, everyone stayed outside talking and laughing. Shane and his wife, Mona, and Emily and Mark stayed near the lake watching for any children that might wander that way. Uncle James, Elliot, Brant, Lizzie and Dickie brought churns of homemade ice cream down from the house and started dipping it out for everyone. Olivia got in line because she loved homemade vanilla ice cream. It was the only kind of vanilla she would eat. The rest of the time it had to be chocolate.

It just so happened that Elliot and Lizzie were dipping vanilla and Lizzie's had just run out. Elliot put three scoops into a bowl and handed it Liv. Their fingers touch slightly and he quickly moved so that his hand cupped hers beneath the bowl. The look in his eyes simmered with emotion. She did not want to look at him, yet she could not look away from his piercing gaze. The heat from his touch ran through her body over and over as if it were in a continuous loop, causing her heart to pick up speed, her breathing to become labored and her stomach churn. She wondered if she would even be able to enjoy this ice cream.

"Uncle Sonny...I want vanilla ice cream, please." Morgan's sweet voice piped up.

They broke their gaze and he pulled his hand from hers as they both looked down at a now well Morgan and smiled. Olivia got a bowl of strawberry for Rhett and then headed back to him.

"Let's go sit near the lake." Rhett was standing when she returned.

"Okay." She agreed and they walked slowly toward the lake, eating their ice cream.

Rhett laid the blanket out and they kicked off their shoes. Olivia sat Indian style as she ate her ice cream. Rhett stretched out on his side, propped on his left elbow. He lifted his spoon of strawberry to her mouth and she took it then returned the favor of sharing her vanilla.

"Mmmm. Good, but strawberry is still my favorite." He told her.

She just smiled at him. He was so handsome in his cutoffs and blue Atlanta Braves tee shirt. She kidded him all the time about his allegiance to the Braves.

"We are going to have to get you some new tee shirts." She kidded him.

"What's wrong with my tee shirt?" He asked with mock hurt in his voice.

"Nothing...you just need to support the local teams...Yankees...ever hear of them?" She laughed.

"Okay...I'll get a Yankees shirt soon. Promise." He leaned up for a kiss.

Rhett had been thinking all afternoon about the exchange between Kathy and Olivia. Kathy was definitely jealous of her. He just wanted to know why. He kept thinking back on the things Olivia had said about her partner being her best friend, that they weren't getting along too well lately, that at one time she thought there was the possibility of there being more between them. He remembered how upset she had been with him over what he said about her mother and Rhett had asked her was her partner competition and she told him no because he was married and had a bunch of kids including a baby. Yea, five kids. After hearing Kathy and seeing how Sonny looked at Olivia, he was more than a little confused. And worried.

Putting the last spoonful of ice cream in her mouth, she set the bowl to the side of the blanket. He was still eating the little bit left in his bowl. They were quiet, but for some reason it was not the peaceful quiet that Olivia was used to with Rhett. This quiet was different. It had turned tense, maybe, though she was not sure why.

"Liv...what was all that with you Kathy this afternoon?" He asked quietly, concentrating on the ice cream that was left.

Now she knew why it was tense. Not knowing what all he heard, she was not sure what to say. "How much did you hear?"

"From when she told you Eli was in the baby float..." He still did not look at her.

"What do you think it was about?" She would get him to talk and then decide how to counter it.

"Sounds like she's jealous of you." He looked up at her now, his eyes searching hers.

"Yea...she's been jealous since the beginning. She hates that El spends more time with me than her and the kids. She hates his job and the hours and that was way before I came along." She explained, not real sure about how much information to give him.

"Does she have reason to be jealous?" Rhett asked quietly, glancing away and then back at her.

What a loaded question. She looked away from him, afraid that he would see the truth in her eyes. That he would see that she loves him, but she loves his brother more.

"Why would she have reason? I love you and we are getting married, Elliot is back home with her. So, what possible valid reason could she have to be jealous?" She placed her left hand along the side of his face.

He put his hand on hers and pulled it to his chest, in turn making her move closer to him. "You told her Sonny went back even when he didn't want to...what did that mean?"

She inhaled and exhaled sharply and pulled away from him flopping onto her back. "Kathy left him...because he wouldn't change jobs...he never talked to her...was never home...you know the hours for this job are crap...she had enough. He was devastated. For two years he would not sign the papers. When he finally got to the point that he could and did, she ends up pregnant again and begged him to come home. He did."

"Hmmm...I knew they had some trouble, but I didn't realize it went on that long. They seem to barely tolerate each other even now." He laid on his back now, too.

"Yea..." She whispered, wishing the conversation would end.

"You told me early on that you had thought there was the possibility of more between you and your partner...do you still feel that way?" His voice was quiet, unsure.

She rolled over, nearly on top him. "Yes, there was the possibility. We knew we had feelings for each other. It didn't happen. It didn't work out...for whatever reason. That was then, this is now. I'm with you and I love you, Rhett Chapman. I want to marry you." She took his face in her hands and kissed him.

Softly at first, but then with more passion until it became a demanding kiss. Insistent on more. Rhett responded by pulling her close and meeting her passion with his, running his hands over her and up her back to her neck, tangling his fingers in her soft hair, the kiss becoming rough as their hands traveled each others body. Suddenly, he pulled her off of him, pushing her to his side as he sat up.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was a mere whisper. She was puzzled at this actions and hurt that he pushed her away like that.

The rapid rise and fall of his chest, evidence that he was breathing hard. Of course, she could hear his ragged breaths as well. He ran his hands over his head and through his hair and stood up, looking down at her. She then got up and came to stand about three feet from him. He would not look her in the eye. His hands were on his hips and he chewed his cheek. Just like Elliot, she thought.

"Rhett...please. Tell me what's wrong?" She pleaded, taking a step closer.

He took a step back and she felt the hot tears instantly well up in her eyes.

"Have you been with Sonny...with Elliot...with..." He swallowed hard. "...with my...my...my brother?"

For the blinding pain that pierced her being, he might as well have shot her point blank with a gun. Her heart clenched at the question. The tears cascaded down her cheeks and she did not even bother to wipe them away.

"Would it matter if I had?" She asked him, her eyes intent on his.

The tears salty in her mouth and tickling her neck as they trailed downward until they finally disappeared into the fabric of her tank top, she looked away and pushed past him. He grabbed her by the arm, turning her to him.

"Please, Olivia...I need an answer. Have you been with him." His eyes were filled with tears as well, his voice gruff with emotion.

She looked deep into his eyes. Shaking her head slightly, she gave him his answer. "No." She pulled her arm from his grasp and began walking away.

Before she had taken more than few steps, Dickie could be heard in the background running down the grassy hill and shouting to his dad. "Hey, Dad! Dad! You left your cell phone in the house. Mom says to call Captain Cragen. He needs to you and Liv to come to work."

xxxxxx

_**A/N: **__You guys are just awesome with your reviews! Sorry this has taken longer to get together. I'm playing softball...had three games this week and I am taking a Citizens Police Academy class that is totally awesome! Got to shoot an M16 and an MP5 Monday night! Can't wait to shoot the glock this Monday! I'm going to pretend I am Detective Bensler! LOL!! I'll make Liv and El proud of me! _

_Alright, was anyone else as disappointed as I was with 'Closet'. I was SO hoping for a little more EO than we got...which was not much. I did love the look on El's face when that reporter told him his partner was sleeping with the editor and Liv's face when she came in and saw El with Kurt. Priceless. I think there should have been a few more scenes with her and Kurt...you know, maybe even let Elliot have walk in on them in Kurt's office...guess that is the EO shipper and the writer in me. BTW if you missed 'Undercover' it comes on tonight on USA 11:00pm EST. Mariska has _**got**_ to have an Emmy for that performance!_

_My mom had an ultrasound Thursday...should know something by next week, hopefully. My friend has to wait two and half more weeks before she can have the PET scan to see if the cancer was contained or spread. Thanks for the prayers, thoughts and well wishes._

_**scotland958**__ - It is such an honor to me that my story pushed you into signing up to review. And that a former editor gave me a good review? WOW! I am doubly honored! Thank you so much! Keep on reading and reviewing! Please! " ) _

_**Ruli **__- Don't worry it will be EO...somehow. And I hope you like the 'rest of the story' conversation with Maureen and Liv._

**RomieG**___- You have some very interesting ideas for some possible twists and turns...hmmm._

**onetreefan **_- Yep...I'm in a dilemma with how to make EO happen...but it will. Rest assured, it will._

**Veil & Metal Chick: **I'm a volleyball player, too! I love it! Doing softball right now, but my volleyball league starts up the first week of August! Can't wait! Guess I could have made them play some of the actual game, huh? Maybe some other time. Thanks to both of you for your awesome reviews! " ) Bensler **P.S. Metal Chick -** Don't forget about passing that word along to Dick!

**faithsydney** - So, you have become OCD about SVU and EO on FF. I hope this longer than ususal delay in posting the next chapter did not upset you too much. Thanks for taking the time to review!

**xoc** - _Right back at ya! I had to go and read your next chapter of Climb that you posted like a minute after mine posted. I have got to schedule some time to sleep! I think it was 2:30 that morning and I get up at 6:30! LOL! How on earth can you write so many stories at one time? I have another one I started after 'Undercover' but I cannot seem to work on two at the same time. And I am behind enough on my reading and reviewing to write more than one! _

**LivNel4ever** _- Yea...that Kathy has a knack for showing up at all the wrong times and places. Might have to take care of that..._


	27. Acknowledgment

**Chapter 27 - Acknowledgment**

**Stabler Lake House**

**Friday Night, July 4****th**

Olivia zipped up her suitcase and set it on the floor. She pulled the handle up and began rolling it out of the bedroom and to the foyer. Elliot was there with his duffle bag at the door. Marie was saying something to him and all of the kids were with him except Eli. Maureen and Lizzie had their arms around him and his were around them. Kathleen and Dickie stood nearby, too. Kathy hung back from the group. He broke away from the girls to hug his Mom, then each of the girls and Dickie. He looked at Kathy for a second and picked up his bag and headed out the door. Kathy followed him onto the front porch.

Rhett came to her and took the suitcase as he handed her the keys to his SUV. They had decided that she and Elliot would take Rhett's vehicle since the van would be needed for all the kids. Rhett had wanted to go back with her, but she convinced him to stay and visit with his Mom since he was leaving Monday for three weeks and ride back with Kathy. They had no idea how long this latest development would keep them occupied either. She promised to see him Sunday since Kathy decided she and the kids would stay until then, now that they did not have to get Elliot back. Marie hugged her and told her she was so glad to finally meet her and looked forward to spending more time with her.

Stepping out onto the porch, Olivia and Rhett could not help but hear that Kathy and Elliot were arguing, though they were trying their best to keep it quiet. Olivia tried not to look at them but from the corner of her eye she could tell Elliot had glanced their way and she looked over but only for a second. She and Rhett walked to the SUV and he put her suitcase in the back, leaving the hatch up for Elliot's bag. He pulled her around to the front of the vehicle out of the light that shone from the front porch and into a modicum of privacy.

"Olivia..." He started, but she put her fingers over his lips.

She was still upset over his question earlier but she did not want to leave with them at odds, so she was willing to put her anger aside for now.

"Not now, Rhett. We'll talk later, okay? Let's just please not be angry right now, please?" Her eyes glistening, she hugged him tightly.

Rhett was not angry. He was not sure what he was other than relieved that she had not slept with his brother. But he knew she was angry that he asked her and he was pretty sure there was more going on that either she was willing to admit or maybe that she even realized. Talking would have to wait. He did not want her leaving without being assured of his love for her.

"I was just going to say that...I love you." He smiled and leaned down to kiss her.

Pulling away, she whispered to him. "Oh, Rhett...I love you, too...so much."

Elliot threw the duffle bag into the back of the vehicle and slammed the hatch shut. Olivia and Rhett turned, looking toward him as he stood a few feet from the back passenger side.

Then Olivia turned back to Rhett and she put her hand around the back of his head, pulling him down into another long kiss. Elliot leaned against the SUV and wished he were any where but here. Breaking the kiss, they held hands as they walked around to the driver's side. Elliot got in and slammed his door. Olivia slid in, putting the key in the ignition and Rhett leaned down to kiss her one more time.

"Love you, Babe." He whispered quietly, but not quiet enough that Elliot could not hear it.

"Love you, too." Olivia responded as she reached up and wiped some of her lip gloss from his lips.

Rhett looked over at Elliot and spoke. "Guess I don't have to tell you to hold on to your seat. You know how she drives. Be safe."

Elliot mustered up a smile and salute. "Sir, yes, sir!" They were both former Marines and Rhett smiled at his brother's attempt at humor.

xxxxx

**Ride Back to NYC**

**Friday Night, July 4****th**

Olivia backed up and pulled out slowly onto the stone driveway, leaving the Stabler clan behind. They waved back at the kids, Marie, Rhett and others standing on the porch and in the yard, waving. She dreaded this ride back to the city. They were alone. They would be alone for an hour depending on the traffic. She had no idea what to say, so she opted for silence. They were not even to the end of the driveway and the atmosphere was so thick with the strain of tension and awkwardness it made breathing nigh to impossible.

Ten minutes later, they had yet to break the silence. Elliot was as close to the door as he could sit, arms folded across his chest, staring out of his window. Olivia could see his jaw twitch and jump when she glanced that way checking for traffic before she turned. If he sighed one more time, she was going to smack him. Her hands were clutching the steering wheel so hard, they ached. She figured by the time they got to the precinct, someone would have to pry them off finger by finger. Unable to stand the silence any longer she reached for the stereo knob only to crash into Elliot's hand as he reached for it at the same time. The electricity that shot through her made her jerk the wheel just a bit and she withdrew her hand as though it were on fire. It was.

They both spoke at the same time. "Sorry." He said, looking at her.

She looked at him, but then quickly back at the road. "Excuse me."

Another long stretch of silence and he finally spoke again. "Uh...you mind if I turn on the radio?"

"Be my guest." She kept her eyes on the road.

He turned it on and hit scan. The first station it stopped on was playing an old Everly Brothers song.

_...and all your charms _

_Whenever I want you, all I have to do is, Dream, dream, dream, dream _

_When I feel blue in the night And I need you to hold me tight _

_Whenever I want you, all I have to do is Dream _

_I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine, Anytime night or day _

_Only trouble is, gee whiz, I'm dreamin' my life away _

_I need you so that I could die I love you so..._

Elliot sucked in his breath as he ran his hands up and down his thighs, wiping the perspiration from them on his jeans. He didn't want to appear too eager to change the station or she might realize the effect the words had on him. But, that song was just too much given everything that had been going on the last few days. Heck, the last few years. He finally reached over and hit scan again. The next song wasn't much better.

_Don't lead me on if there's nowhere for you to take me,_

_if loving you would have to be a sometime thing,_

_I can't put bars on my inside, my love is something I can't hide,_

_it still hurts when I recall the times I tried._

_But I'm easy, yeah I'm easy, take my hand and pull me down, _

_I won't put up any fight because I'm easy._

_Don't do me favors, let me watch you from the distance,_

'_cause when you're near I find it hard to keep my head,_

_when your eyes throw light at mine, it's enough to change my mind,_

_make me leave my cautious words and..._

This time it was Olivia reaching to push the scan button. The song was way too close to the truth and besides, she could not stand Keith Carradine. Elliot ran his hands over his head and breathed a deep sigh of relief as the song was silenced.

On the next station was the DJ was announcing the upcoming song. 'Here's a little Tanya Tucker oldie I think you will enjoy.' Elliot wasn't sure what to expect with this since he did not listen to country. The introduction was really slow and pretty. Maybe this will be okay. Then her gravelly voice began to croon.

_They say that life goes on, I'll find true love again. _

_It's not the end of the world, one day my heart will mend. _

_Someone will come along and a new love will grow _

_That's what they say but what do they know_

_How could they know the pain I feel inside my heart, _

_they never lost your love, so who do they think they are. _

_They never held you, or had to let you go. _

_Well They're not trying to live without you, so what do they know_

_They say all is fair in love but for me that's just not true. _

_I feel like someone took a knife and cut my life in two._

_It's better to have love and lost than to have never loved, I'm told. _

_At least that's..._

That was it. Elliot turned off the radio. What was with everyone doing oldies tonight? He never realized how many songs were about love, unrequited love, love gone bad, lost love. Apparently, love _was_ exactly what Liv had said it was after the Masoner case... 'a bitch'. Liv glanced at him and their eyes locked briefly. She was glad he turned it off. The uncomfortable silence was better than the heart wrenching songs. She turned her attention to driving. He bit the inside of his cheek and turned back to his window.

**SVU Squad Room**

**Friday Night, July 4****th**

"Captain, are you gonna show Liv these pics and the note?" Lake asked as he shuffled through them again.

"My question is...are you going to show Elliot? He'll go nuts. Ballistic." Munch countered, leaning back in his chair.

"Ain't no way they can't know 'bout this! 'Specially since the threat's against Liv again." Sitting on the corner of Lake's desk reading through one of the case files, Fin frowned.

"Olivia and Elliot are part of the investigation. As such, they will both be privy to all information and evidence pertaining to this case. Even this." Cragen's hands were stuffed deep in his pocket as he stood near his detectives. He pulled his right hand out and picked up one of the photograph's laying in front of Munch on his desk.

He felt the bile rise again, threatening to send him to the men's room to relieve himself of the contents of his stomach. He had lost count of how many times he thought he might toss his cookies as he forced himself to examine each of these photos and the demented, evil threat they captured.

Fast approaching footsteps caused the men to look toward the entrance. "Don? What do we have?" Dean Porter's voice echoed through the nearly empty squad room as he came through the double wooden doors of the 16th precinct.

"Dean...sorry to drag you out so late on a holiday evening. It's bad and I don't mind saying I am very concerned." The Captain's face was etched with that concern and worry.

Munch handed him the few photos left on his desk as Cragen put the one he held on top**. **Lake stood up and crossed over to Cragen handing him the pile of photos he had been looking at and then sat on the edge of Munch's desk.

All eyes were on Porter as he went through the pictures. He visibly paled and the other men looked away. He did not finish going through them. "They all like this?" His voice was quiet.

"Yes...it get's worse..." Cragen told him as he nodded at Fin.

Fin leaned over and handed Porter the file in his hand. Porter just looked at him and opened it. It didn't take long to read. He closed it and looking down at the floor, handed it back to Fin. He ran his hands through his hair, letting out a long breath of air through pursed lips before he turned to look at Captain Cragen.

"Olivia needs to stand down." Porter told him.

Nodding his head, the Captain spoke. "I'm inclined to agree...but she will never go along with it and I won't force her. Not with this case." Cragen told him, his voice firm.

Porter nodded. "I'll talk to her."

"Good luck, man..." Fin mumbled under his breath.

**Stabler Lake House**

**Friday Night, July 4****th**

Kathy saw Rhett walking toward the dock. She watched for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to go talk to him. She thought better of it and decided to sit on the porch. If he came back in the front way, maybe she could strike up a conversation then. From a distance, she had watched Olivia with Rhett all afternoon and evening. If Olivia did not love him, she certainly deserved an Emmy for her acting ability, because she seemed to be completely in love with him. She was always hugging, kissing or just touching him. And there was absolutely no doubt that Rhett loved her. The way he looked at her, it was just so sweet, so full of love. But then there was the thing with Elliot and Olivia. That bond they have had from the beginning of their partnership was still very much in place. Of that, Kathy had no doubt. If it were possible, she thought that Olivia loved both men, was in love with both men.

Rhett had stayed outside after Olivia and Elliot had left. He walked down to the lake and sat on one of the benches on the dock for a long time. The sky was beautiful. Fairly clear and full of twinkling stars, the moon partially hidden behind a cloud. He knew Olivia was upset by his question and she was right...it should not matter who she has or has not been with before him. Even if it were his brother. It was before she knew Rhett. He wished he had paid more attention to what she had said about the possibility of something more between her and her partner. If he had known it was his brother, he would have remembered every single thing she said. As it were, there was obviously still something going on or Kathy would not have been so upset with Olivia earlier. He thought briefly about talking to her, but decided it was not a good idea. Even though she was his sister-in-law and she had been around a lot during high school, he did not really know her anymore.

Rocking slightly in one of the wooden rockers, she must have dozed off because the squeaking of the springs as the screen door opened awakened her. She looked up to see Rhett just before he stepped into the house. She sat straight up, both feet flat on the floor.

"Rhett..." She called softly.

He jumped just a little, holding the screen door to lessen the sound of it closing and took a few steps toward her.

"Kathy?" He had been pretty sure it was her, but could now make out her face in the light from the inside lamp on the living room table.

"It's me." She told him.

He pulled out one of the white wicker chairs from under the table, turning it around and straddling it so he could rest his arms across the back of it. He sat about four feet away, facing her.

"What's going on?" Rhett asked.

Throwing her head back, she laughed sarcastically. "Now, that's a loaded question, if ever I heard one, Rhett."

Kathy had known Rhett in school and the teachers insisted they be called by their given names, not Sonny and Manny. She was one of the few family members that called him Rhett. Every now and then she would refer to him as Manny when around the family to try and help keep things clear. But, since he hadn't been around in twenty years, so she had not called him anything.

Puzzled, Rhett frowned. "What's that suppose to mean?"

A harsh breath of air escaped her lungs. "It's a question I have been trying to answer for almost nine years." She sighed, smiled at him sadly.

"I'm not following you..." He raised an eyebrow quizzically at her.

She gave him a hard look. "How much do you know about me and Elliot?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you know we were separated for two years?"

"Yes...Liv told me about it."

She nodded. "Did she tell you that she was part of the reason?"

"Uh...no...no, she didn't."

"How much do you know about Olivia and Elliot?"

"Um...I...uh...know they are best friends and..."

Laughing again, she leveled her gaze at him. "I sometimes think if I hear him say 'she's my best friend' one more time, I'll shoot him! Or at least throw up!"

"I...I don't have a problem with them being best friends." He told her.

"Maybe not right now...just wait. In all fairness, she's not the total reason for the separation. I mean, El and I had been fighting for years...over the hours his job kept him from home making me a single parent...way before she became his partner...but she did play a part. Olivia and Elliot have had this incredible bond since the beginning of their partnership...it's not anything I can really describe. I guess I have always been jealous of her. I mean, not only is she gorgeous...but Elliot talks to her...they share things I can never understand. And he quit talking to me. Maybe we never talked. I don't know. Olivia knows him...all of him...like I never will. He needs her to survive. And she needs him."

"She said she's never been with him..." Rhett was staring into space, thinking of what she had said.

"No...I don't think they have been together...not like that. Elliot would never violate our wedding vows that way...and I don't think Olivia would let him. But, in every way that truly matters, Rhett, they are intertwined, enmeshed...they are a part of each other in a way I don't think you or I or anyone else looking in can understand. Sometimes I don't think they understand. It's almost as though they are one being...you can not see where one ends and the other begins. I really thought he would make a move on her when we separated, but he didn't."

"She told me she thought there had been the possibility of more, but when he did not make a move during the separation, she said she thought maybe she misunderstood him...his words...his actions..."

"Hmmm...well, to say I was surprised they did not end up together, is an understatement because I really don't think I have them figured wrong."

"Why are you telling me all of this, Kathy? Do you think I shouldn't marry, Liv? I love her."

"And unless she is an Emmy winning actress, she loves you, too. It's evident in her eyes, on her face and in her actions. But what I see in her when she looks at you...well, it's the same thing I see when she looks at Elliot. I guess I just want you to be aware of what you are up against with this thing that is between them. It's not easy being second. That's all." Her smile was faint as she stood and stretched, then made her way inside, leaving Rhett to mull over all that was said.

**Ride Back to NYC**

**Friday Night, July 4****th**** - Part II**

The only sound was the hum of the air conditioner which did nothing at all to alleviate the stifling air of the silence in which Olivia and Elliot were essentially trapped. Another ten minutes passed before Olivia finally broke it. "So...what exactly did Cragen say?" Her voice was quiet, neutral.

Elliot cleared his throat, his voice was even, devoid of emotion. "Just what I told you earlier. There's some new evidence he thought we needed to go over and Gavlik contacted Matt to see if we would come to dinner at the club tomorrow afternoon.."

He did not want to tell her the details of the pictures that had been sent to the precinct along with another warning. This time a very specific warning. He looked over at her, her features visible in the glow of the red, yellow, green and blue lights of the dashboard. The bangs of her silky brown hair, falling over her right eye, hid most of her face from him, giving him the opportunity to stare just a bit. The smooth olive complexion, now deeply tanned, was accentuated by the white and royal blue striped shirt she wore. The scooped cut made her long neck seem even longer.

Her nose was nearly perfect, turning down just a bit at the end. Her full lips glistened in the low light of the vehicle with layers of gloss. He could not remember her ever not having gloss within reach. She carried them in her pockets, her purse, her jacket. They were found on her desk, in the desk drawers, on her kitchen counter and end tables. At one time, he counted six different tubes of varying shades and flavors, he had found in their cruiser. He noticed she had death grip on the steering wheel. What he wouldn't do to feel free enough to be able to reach over, take her hand in his and bring each finger to his lips in a kiss. If anyone ever hurt her...

Olivia could not see him, but she felt his eyes on her, examining her. Self-conscious, heart pounding, stomach queasy, she reached up with her right hand and pushed her bangs behind her right ear, thinking again that she really needed a haircut. As she did so, she turned and looked at Elliot. How did anyone have such blue eyes! When their eyes met, she sucked in her bottom lip and slowly released it. He slightly raised his eyebrows and quickly looked away.

"I'm...uh...sorry about what happened...earlier...with...uh...Kathy." Elliot kept his eyes on the road ahead.

"Why would you be sorry? It wasn't your fault." Olivia told him, her hands gripping the wheel even tighter, as if that were possible.

"I think I have to bear some of the blame...after all, she thinks I'm in love with you." Turning his head slowly, he captured her eyes.

Thinks? Olivia did not have to think or wonder anymore. They had shared their feeling for each other and she_ knew _he was in love with her. Just like she was in love with him. She looked at him just a moment before turning back to the road. "Do you..._did _you feel sorry for me? Is that the only reason you invited me to your home?" Her stomach churned.

"What? No! No, Liv. I mean, well...I mean...I did hate thinking of you being alone so much...but I _wanted_ you there, Liv. I wanted to be able to share with you, spend time with you and for you to be part of a family function! And you know how much the kids love you!" He had reached out and put his left hand on her right shoulder...just briefly.

Her shoulder was on fire where his hand had been. She could feel where each finger had touched her...even through the material of her shirt. She tried desperately to clear her mind.

"Hmmm." She paused before speaking again. "What would you have done if she had hit me?"

At this thought, Elliot laughed out loud. "If she had hit you, I don't think I would have had to do anything. You would have had her butt nailed to the wall before I could even figure out what had happened let alone had time to react!"

Olivia couldn't help but chuckle herself. He knew her well. He was right. Then they were quiet again.

"El?"

"Yea?"

"I...I didn't know he was your brother." She spoke so softly, he had to strain to hear.

Looking at her, he reached over and let the back of his right hand caress her face. "I know." His whispered voice, rumbled right through her heart turning it inside out, as his hand left it's burning sensation on her cheek.

"I'm tired of...of being alone. I want someone to go home to at night. I want someone I can love, El...someone who can love me..." The tone in her voice begged him to understand, as tears began to shimmer in her eyes.

Swallowing the lump in his throat that felt like a brick, he took a deep breath, his eyes locking with hers. "And Manny...uh...Rhett fits the bill?"

"Yea..." She smiled faintly, glancing at him. "He does."

He looked so down, so beaten. Nodding slowly, he looked away. Silence fell upon them once again. Minutes later she spoke again.

"El?" Her voice was gentle. "For what it's worth...I...I wish...wish..." She trailed off, her throat constricted with the sudden emotion that overwhelmed her.

He watched her struggling for words. "You wish what?"

She opened her mouth, but no words came forth. She bit her lower lip, releasing it and trying again to speak. Again words would not come from her open mouth. Shaking her head, slowly back and forth, she whispered. "Nothing."

"Olivia?"

"Don't, okay?"

"Liv..."

"El...please...just...don't."

He looked at her for a long moment, then nodded his head, turned away and settled back into his seat. He looked out the front windshield at the skyline of New York City lighting up the night sky. As the SUV brought them closer and closer to the city and the one-six, Olivia reached over and placed her right hand over Elliot's left, resting on his thigh. She heard his breath catch as she touched him, letting her fingers fall between his as she gripped his hand. Her brown eyes found his and she stared into the depths of that blue as if she were drowning in the ocean. Not a word was spoken. Yet, everything was said that needed to be...silently. Yes. A silent acknowledgment that the bond between them was in place. And always would be. Looking down at their intertwined hands, he tightened his fingers around hers, rubbing his thumb against her pinky finger, blinking back hot tears and holding on for dear life.

xxxxxx

**A/N:** You guys are just totally awesome! Thanks for the great reviews. I know I have slowed up on getting this chapter out. Work has been awful. And another busy week on top of that. Work really puts a crimp in my life! How about last night's episode? I just knew Elliot was going to tell Rook that he couldn't inflict pain on Liv because he loved her! Well, when I finish this story maybe my next one will have that as a basis! I thought the way he looked at her was totally love infused! JMHO! Thanks for taking time to read and mega thanks for taking time to review. You guys are what keep me going and writing! " ) Bensler


	28. Assignment

**Chapter 28 - Assignment **

**SVU Squad Room**

**Friday Night, July 4****th**

Walking in together, shoulder to shoulder, just like they used to do, the group turned to watch them. Olivia was deeply tanned and her blue and white striped shirt only made her seem darker. She wore jeans and tennis shoes. Elliot was dressed pretty much the same, except he had on an orange tee shirt.

"Olivia, Elliot. Sorry you had to cut your vacations short but I really think we need to discuss these new developments." The Captain turned to them, his hand stuffed in the front pockets of his trousers.

Munch, ever the observant detective, looked them over. "Amazing how you two managed to show up together when you were on different vacations."

Looking first at each other, Olivia and Elliot then turned to Munch. "Who said we were on different vacations?" Olivia raised her left eyebrow as her lips curled into a smirk. Elliot wiggled his eyebrows at Munch.

Munch's eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open. Everyone's heads looked over at the two detectives as they each found a seat on the edge of a desk.

"So...what's up, Cap'n?" Elliot asked, noticing that no one could hold his gaze.

"Well, you know that Gavlik wants you and Cerek at the club tomorrow for dinner...that's one reason for you coming back early." Cragen explained to him.

"And the other?" Olivia questioned. She did not miss the looks that shot between Cragen and Porter and she also had noticed the way the rest of the crew could not look her nor Elliot in the eyes.

Captain Cragen, glanced at Porter, who nodded slightly. "Olivia...Dean and I would like to talk to you privately."

She looked at Dean but he would not look at her. Cragen simply motioned toward his office, waiting for her to take the first step. Turning to Elliot, He simply shrugged and raised his eyebrows to give a look that said he had no idea what was going on.

**Cragen's Office**

**Friday Night, July 4****th**

Holding his office door open for her, Olivia brushed past him, Dean right behind her. She stood, nervously watching as Cragen came in, a folder in his hands.

"Have a seat, Olivia." He motioned toward the chairs in front of his desk.

Dean standing to the side, waited for her to be seated before seating himself. Cragen sat on the edge of his desk just a few feet from them, fingering the folder.

"What's going on?" She twisted her watch over and over on her wrist.

"A package arrived a few hours ago, special delivery by a messenger service - New York Courier - and it specified it was to be signed for by me." Cragen explained.

"Okay...what was in the package?" She asked looking Cragen, then Dean before settling her eyes on the folder. "That it?"

"Yes." Cragen answered.

"Liv, there are more pictures...and another warning..." Dean shifted in his seat so he was turned toward her as he leaned over and propped his hands on his knees.

"Let me see them." She demanded, pushing her bangs behind her ear.

"Olivia, they are explicit...horrendous..." Cragen tried to explain. "We know they are not you...but the message they send is unmistakable. These are copies...TARU has the originals trying to determine if they are authentic or computer generated."

She was confused by the explanation. Horrendous? What on earth? Explicit...meaning sexually? Did someone have pictures of her in a compromising situation? Could not have been recent because she and Rhett had never...well, just let her see the pictures!

"Captain...I've seen it all, don't you think? Just let me see them." Unblinking, she stared him down.

Handing her the folder, he crossed his arms and watched her as she opened it. Her eyes narrowed then widened as she looked at one picture after another. Her hand flew to her mouth as it opened and then closed, no words spoken, but the horror clearly registering on her face. Shaking her head, she looked at Cragen, then Dean. Her breathing became rapid, she closed the folder and stood up throwing it down on the chair.

"Son of ..." She ran her hands through her hair and whirled to face Cragen and Porter. "I want this perv! I'm gonna nail his..."

"The case is becoming too dangerous and with this latest threat...I don't want anything to happen to you..." Cragen told her.

"Oliva, what Don's trying to say is...we think it's best for you to stand down." Porter told her as gently as he could. He was extremely concerned for safety as well.

Her head snapped in Porter's direction. "No way! There's no way I'm standing down! No way!" She hissed the words at them, her anger instant, running through her threatening to overtake her good senses.

At this very moment, a commotion could be heard even through the closed door of Captain Cragen's office. The three of them turned toward the sound, just in time to see the contents of Elliot's desk top fly through the air and fall to the floor. Lake and Fin grabbed hold of the raging detective, barely containable in his fury. He was cursing and hollering and trying to hit anything and anybody in his way. Photographs flying everywhere. Apparently, they had shown Elliot the other copies.

"Get off me!" Elliot hollered, trying to jerk free, but they held him tightly.

"Chill out, man!" Fin yelled, holding on to his colleague.

"How am I suppose to chill out with pictures like that of my partner!?" He exclaimed, wrenching every which way to free himself.

Cragen sprinted out of the office. Olivia and Porter were right behind him. "Elliot! My office now!" Cragen ground out the words.

Lake and Fin cautiously let go of him. Fury emanated from him as he glared at Cragen, Porter and Olivia. He was breathing rapidly through his nose, his face was nearly purple with rage, and his hands were fisted ready to demolish something, anything, everything. Cragen's glare had him moving toward the office. Olivia's eyes silently willed him to calm down, and as he passed by her, she reached out, touching his arm. He stopped for just a second, but did not look at her, neither did he calm down. Normally, all it took was her touch to settle him. Not this time. This time he was way too upset. Too sick with worry, with fear to be calmed, to be placated with just a touch. Even her touch.

Cragen closed the door behind them. They all stood, Elliot still breathing hard. "Captain, you gotta take Liv off this case!" Ignoring Olivia, Elliot locked eyes with his captain, his voice loud and demanding.

Olivia's head leaned closer to him as her eyes widened and flashed with anger. "What! Who do you think you are to..." Liv yelled at him, infuriated that he would suggest this.

Turning to face her, he yelled. "I'm your partner, that's who! And I think that you are..."

"Both of you calm down!" Cragen barked, to no avail.

"I don't care what you think! I've worked my butt off on this case! It's _my_ case and I am _not_ giving it up!" She hollered back at Elliot.

"Benson! Stabler!" Even the captain's use of their last names which indicated he had it, did not phase them. Porter just stood there in shock. He had heard of their infamous vicious verbal exchanges and had even heard some milder ones, but nothing like this. This was more than partner on partner. Suddenly, he completely understood all the rumors that made their way through the NYPD grapevine.

"Elliot...we were discussing this when your little display interrupted us. Olivia does not want to stand down and I won't make her..." Cragen spoke calmly, hoping Elliot would settle down. Olivia, too.

"No...no! It's too dangerous! And since when have you let us have our way? Captain, the case will get solved without Olivia being the lead. She can work on it but she just doesn't need to be an active part of it when..." He was still hollering, fists clenching and unclenching by his side.

"You have no right to decide..." She did not get to finish, because he interrupted as he stepped toward her, his eyes narrow slits.

"No right? No right? After all we've been through, you're gonna stand there and tell me I have no right to be concerned about..." His eyes wide with shock, he tapped his chest with his hands indicating himself. Now she interrupted him.

"The only thing you're concerned about is taking over this case and I am _not_ giving it up!" She was so mad she was beginning to shake and that only served to increase her anger.

"It's not the case I care about..." He dragged his hands over his face and head as he tried to tell her.

"Oh, yea...right, Elliot! Spare me the safety lecture!" She spat the words.

"Olivia! You are not invincible and if you keep this up..." He came back at her, stepping so that he was right in her face.

Though perps would back down, become quieter and even plead for mercy, from his menacing physical presence, Elliot's actions did not intimidate Olivia. Not even a little. No not one little bit as evidenced by the fact that she took a step closer to him, leaving mere inches between them. Her eyes were dancing with the fire of her fury.

"What? What are you going to do, Elliot? Ignore me? Pretend I don't exist? Look through me, over me, around me? Sorry, I'm used to that...so it's not much of a threat!" Her sarcastic words cut him to the quick. Her nostrils flared and the vein in the middle of her forehead pulsated with the anger that fueled her biting words.

Elliot glared at her, his eyes steely blue, icy cold. Her brown eyes, black with rage, stared back. He rubbed his hand over his mouth and chin, nodded slightly, inhaling sharply through his nose, whirled and stormed out of Cragen's office, conceding defeat, slamming the door so hard the blinds came loose and bounced and jangled. Cragen and Porter slowly turned to look at her.

Olivia won. But, if she won, they why did she feel like she just lost something very important in her life?

xxxxxx

**SVU Squad Room**

**Friday Night, July 4****th**

Elliot dropped heavily into his chair. He was furious with Olivia. He jerked the mouse around to get the logon screen to come up. Why couldn't she see the danger in her staying on this case? Once he logged into the NYPD site, he accessed the Gmail account they had set up for him under the name of Samuel T. Elliot, his undercover alias. The images from those pictures were seared into his brain. She _needed_ to stand down. He had four unread emails.

One from the Gmail webmaster, one from Matt Cerek a.k.a. Mikhail Brilev and two from Anatoly Gavlik. Matt's told him he would meet him at O'Reilly's bar so they could ride together to the club tomorrow evening. The first one from Gavlik told him it was a pleasure to meet him and he looked forward to doing business with him. The second one was asking if he could possibly meet with him on Saturday for dinner at the club and he was sorry that he had to change the Monday afternoon meeting to Wednesday evening. He hoped it would not be too much of an inconvenience.

He could not quit thinking about Olivia. Every time he blinked his eyes those sickening pictures ran through his mind. He was disturbed by all of the images even though he knew they were not really her. The warning was clear that those things could be done to her. There were images of a woman and a man in intimate contact, the woman seemingly a willing party. Olivia and Rhett's faces had been digitally imposed on the faces in the pictures. The thought of them together was enough to drive him nuts. But, then the pictures became progressively violent, the woman no longer consenting but clearly being raped.

The next batch of pictures showed the woman brutally, savagely murdered. They were taken from every conceivable angle. Her throat slit, her breasts disfigured, multiple stab wounds covering her body. The last group of pictures, were wedding pictures with their faces once again digitally imposed. The first few were fine...a couple posing for the photographer. The next ones showed blood all over the brides white gown, her throat slit and the blood splattered on the taupe tux of the groom. The pictures were sickening enough without having Olivia's face plastered on them. That something like this could be done to anyone, let alone his Liv...he could not face it. He would not survive it. Why couldn't she see she needed to let someone else handle this case? Why couldn't she see what it would do to him if something happened to her?

When he managed to get the pictures out of his head, he kept hearing her say over and over that she was not giving up the case. He could not believe Cragen would not _make_ her stand down. And the words she spoke about them...did she really think he did that? Ignore her? Pretend she didn't exist? Of course, she thought that...because it was true. He had done just that for months. Actually, for over a year now.

Ever since he found out Kathy was pregnant, he knew he had to let Olivia go. Just when he had finally worked up the never to tell her how he felt. Tell her why he was not going to go home. _Could_ not go home. Kathy had to go and drop that bombshell on him. Yes, he had to quit giving Olivia mixed signals. Signals that there was the hint of anything more between them. And he had done just what she said. He had looked through her, over her and around her. In fact, he had done it so well, she had found someone, fallen in love and was getting married. Now, she was marrying his brother! His life was totally screwed up!

xxxxxx

The door to Cragen's office squeaked as it opened and Olivia stomped out followed by two grim faced men. Dean had tried to make her see the wisdom of stepping down, that she would not be able to maintain objectivity with this threat hanging over her and the danger was very real. Cragen had appealed to her from a more personal side telling her how she was like a daughter to him and he could not take it if something happened to her. But, still he refused to make her give it up and still, she refused to do so. Nothing surprising about that. Olivia Benson could be a stubborn woman. How well he knew that fact. Though she was adamant that she did not need it, she did agree to a protective detail. A small concession for Porter and Cragen not insisting she come off the case. And she agreed to not go anywhere alone.

Elliot glanced up, catching Olivia's eyes. The scowl on her face told him she was beyond angry. Cragen gathered them all together again and Dean went over the plans for the next evening when he and Cerek would meet with Gavlik. Munch and Olivia would be in the van monitoring the wires and Fin and Lake would be with Porter and several of his men closer to the meeting, ready to intervene in case anything were to go wrong. Cragen told them they could sleep in a little tomorrow but he wanted everyone back at the precinct by ten in the morning. They were dismissed.

"Fin, need to see you a minute." Cragen called out.

"Yes, Sir." Fin came to stand a couple of feet from the captain.

"See to it that Olivia gets home and settled...I don't think she wants to be around her partner right now...and she is not to go anywhere alone. Should have a detail in place by the time you get to her apartment." Cragen watched her as she gathered her things. He saw Elliot watching her, too.

"Got it." Fin turned and went to Olivia.

"You ready?" He asked her.

"Uh...yea..." She answered, looking at Elliot instead of Fin. "I'll give you a lift home. Come on." She told Elliot.

Not bothering to look at her, he logged off and stood up. "No need for you drive all the way out to Queens. I'll just get my stuff and catch a cab."

Rolling her eyes, she sighed. "Elliot...I'll take you..." She started.

"No. I'll get a cab." He replied tersely, heading out the door.

xxxxxx

**Ride to Benson Residence**

**Friday Night, July 4****th**

The ride to Olivia's was quiet. Fin was a man of few words as it was and tonight he knew she was upset and why and it was really none of his business. So, he let her be, figuring she would talk if and when she was ready. They had not always gotten along, but they always respected each other greatly. In the last several years they had begun to be form a friendship and the last couple of months working as partners on this case had made them closer.

"Rhett is Elliot's brother." She whispered out of the blue, her eyes steady on the road.

Not at all sure he heard her right, his head snapped her way, his eyes huge. "Excuse me?"

She explained why Rhett had a different last name, the nicknames they used, how they had lost track of each other and how shocked they all were to find out Rhett a.k.a. Manny, was Elliot's a.k.a. Sonny, brother Everett Chapman Stabler. When she was done, Fin just sat there staring at her, letting it all sink in.

"Whoa. Man, Elliot's brother..." Fin was incredulous, his mouth hanging open.

"Yea. Could I have managed to screw things up any worse if I tried?" She laughed, but there was no humor hidden within its sound.

"What did Elliot do when he found out?" Fin asked.

"He...he...it wasn't good...he's still upset..." She told him.

"Yea." Fin replied, realizing now how much they looked alike and how many mannerisms they had that were the same. And none of them, the so called detectives, realized this.

He and Olivia lapsed back into silence for the remaining ride. He had thought she was upset about them wanting her to stand down. And she was but this was way more upsetting than the case. Olivia was marrying Elliot's brother. Whoa.

xxxxxxx

**The Russian Tea Room**

**Saturday Evening, July 5****th**

The dinner was superb and the drinks flowed freely. Elliot and Matt were careful not to drink much. They needed to be sober if anything went down. Anatoly Gavlik had a young woman with him tonight. She had to be early twenties and she had a natural beauty that called for little, if any makeup. Yet, she was heavily made up and Elliot couldn't help but wonder if she was one of the 'girls that were nice to the men' like Liv had told him about. The young woman seemed to be at Gavlik's beck and call although she did have dinner with them and conversed with them.

Elliot noticed that she kept looking at him and he tried not to be unnerved by it. He did not want to risk getting on Gavlik's bad side if this was his woman. She finally asked him if he had ever been to Sasha's Bar and when he told her no, she asked if perhaps he had been to Ivan's Bar. Sorry. He had not been there either. He was from Chicago. She had nodded and smiled. Gavlik laid out a few more details of how they would do business together, gave them some paperwork to look over and told them that his partner looked forward to meeting them on Wednesday. Back at the precinct, they realized that the paperwork itself would prove to be a huge piece of evidence. The meeting had been a success. Now, all they had to do was meet Gavlik's partner and get a solid link to him through all this mess.

**Chapman Condo**

**Sunday, July 6****th**

Kathy dropped Rhett off around 10:30 that morning. Olivia met him for lunch at a small café down from his place. They had decided to make their last day together relaxed, quiet. After lunch they took a walk in the park along the river, talking and eating some Italian ice. Then they headed back to his place.

She had not talked to Elliot since Friday night. She saw him Saturday during their briefing for the undercover assignment, but they did not talk other than a few necessary comments about work. It was obvious he was back to ignoring her and like she had told him, she was used to it. Though it did bother her, it was not nearly as much as it would have in the past. Besides, she was sick of the games.

Wanting to spare him the worry while he was gone, she had not told Rhett about the new threats or the photos. There was nothing he could do about it, anyway. They had just finished watching a DVD and were cuddled on the couch. The question he had asked her before she was called into work still hung heavy between them. He had to bring it up or things just could not be right with them. He could not have that, not when he was going off for three weeks to a war torn country.

Leaning her head back on his chest, her hands held onto his arms that were wrapped around her. She tried not to think of him leaving in the morning. She tried to memorize the feel of arms around her, the scent of his cologne, the heat from his body, the warmth of his breath as he whispered in her ear. She wished she could just freeze time, keeping him here, beside her.

"Liv...I've been thinking about what I asked you...you know, about Son..I mean, Elliot." He paused and she froze, steeling herself for an argument that she did not want to have ever but especially not now.

"And I want you to know that it doesn't matter. Whoever you have been with before we knew each other, even if it's my brother, does not matter. It can't. Just like it should not matter who I've been with...because that was the past, our pasts and this is now. Can you forgive me for asking you that?" He spoke quietly, softly.

She smiled, pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. "I told you I have not been with him...he's married...and yes...I forgive you."

She leaned in, took his face between her hands and kissed him quickly on the lips. He loved this woman with everything in him. But his mind reeled with the things Kathy had told him. He debated telling her about all of that, but decided to just ask a few questions instead.

"You and uh...Elliot...can't get used to calling him by his real name...you guys seem to have some kind of connection going on...I think that's why I thought...you know..." This was not coming out like he intended.

"We've been partners for nine years and we're best friends...of course, there is a connection." Her voice was soft. She was determined not to get angry at his implications.

"It seems like more than that...are you sure there is nothing between you? I mean, not like that...but...well, you said that you once...you once thought there...there was the possibility of...of more and well, I just don't want you to you have doubts or...or whatever...about marrying...me." He was stammering.

She pulled away and stood up, facing him. "It sounds like you are the one with the doubts."

Shaking his head, he reached for her hand. "No. I have no doubts about what I want, Olivia. I love you and I want to marry you. I just want to know that you are as sure about this as I am.

Her eyes were narrowed. "Elliot is married. I love you. What else do you need to know?

Rhett's gaze fell from her, he dropped her hand and he stood, his back to her. He ran his hands through his hair and over his face and then turned to her once again. He looked her deep in her eyes, searching them for any hint of hesitancy, any unacknowledged doubt.

"I need to know...if...if Elliot _were _free...would you be here with me right now?" His voice was calm, but his heart was banging against his chest and his lungs were burning from their inability to suck in enough air to satisfy them, waiting in fear for her answer.

Olivia could not believe he was asking her this. Unable to lie because she knew the truth was engraved in her eyes and written upon her face, she hesitated just a moment too long and he spoke again.

He was nodding his head. "You love my brother more than me..." His whispered words were full of pain and agony.

She stepped closer to him, reached up and put her right hand to his cheek, her left on his chest over his heart. "No! No, Rhett! Not more...just different! I love _you_ with _all_ my heart, Rhett! I _want_ to marry you. I _want_ to have your babies. I _want_ to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, don't throw away what we have! Please..." Tears flowed freely down her cheeks. She was crying, begging. And Olivia Benson did not beg.

He could not do it. He could not push her away. In these short two months, she had become as much a part of him as his arm or leg. He knew she loved Elliot...it was in her eyes and on her face when he asked that question...but he could accept that she loved him as well, differently perhaps, but she loved him, too. He had never had any doubt about that...not until Kathy told her what she did. Maybe she wanted to mess things up for them. No. Why would she do that? If anything, she would push him and Olivia together to keep her away from Elliot.

His own tears were streaming down his face as he pulled her to him, pressing his body to hers as his heart calmed and his breathing resumed. "I'm not about to give up what we have, Liv." Not without a fight, he thought to himself. "I love you."

"Oh, Rhett, I love you, too. So much. So very much." She clung to him as if he were life itself, burying her face in his chest.

**SVU Squad Room**

**Wednesday Morning, July 9th**

The meeting was scheduled for 6:00. Matt and Elliot were dressed and ready to go. Matt had on a navy blue suit, light blue shirt and navy tie. Elliot had on his pin-striped black suit that he saved for special occasions. He wore a white shirt with a solid red tie. Olivia could not help but keep looking at him. He was so handsome and the glasses he wore lent themselves to the wealthy businessman persona he was playing. Both of them had mics and receivers hidden in their watches.

They had been briefed, everyone knew their responsibility and Cragen had sandwiches brought in for supper. Elliot and Matt were eating and talking with Dean about how they were going to work this assignment. Fin and Munch were talking, but she could not hear what they were saying. Lake was listening to his Ipod, bouncing his head around while eating. To the unobservant, Olivia seemed to be going over some files but she comprehended nothing that she read. She was too worried about this whole thing to concentrate and the way her stomach was churning, eating was out of the question.

A hand on her shoulder, startled her. "Going to be a long evening...you need to eat something." Captain Cragen laid a turkey on wheat sandwich on the desk.

She stared at it and then looked up at him. "Thanks, but I can't stomach it right now."

"Thinking about Rhett?" He looked at her sympathetically.

She had been very quiet the last couple of days and he knew she was preoccupied with Rhett's departure. Saying goodbye had been hard. There were plenty of tears. Hers as well as his. She walked with him as far as she could in the airport and considered flashing her badge to be able to walk with him to wait for the flight. She did not want to let him go and she stayed until she knew his plane was in the air.

She had heard from him when they arrived in London and then again when they got to Istanbul, Turkey. They left NYC at 7:45 a.m. Monday and arrived at 10:00 a.m. Tuesday with a layover and connecting flight in London. The actual flying time was just over 19 hours. From Istanbul they would fly into Kabul, Afghanistan, another 13 hour plus flight. He told her he would call again from there, so he should have already been able to call according to the itinerary he left her.

"Uh...no...I mean, yes...but that's not what's bothering me." She raised her eyebrows at him and look down at her desk and picked up an ink pen.

"Hmmm...Elliot." It was a statement not a question. "Liv, he's done this before...he'll be fine."

"I know...but I've been with him most of the time...and it's never been this serious..." She trailed off, the lump constricting her throat.

"The bad cop drug dealer was pretty dangerous...he came through that just fine. And he has an FBI agent with him." Cragen's attempt at comforting her was not working.

"Captain...I...I have a bad feeling about this...I just...I just don't feel good about it...if anything were to happen to him..." She was hesitant to tell him about her worries, because she didn't want him to read more into than what there was.

"All right! Time to get this show on the road!" Dean Porter called out and everyone started moving.

"He'll be fine, Olivia." Cragen squeezed her shoulder. I sure hope he'll be fine, he thought. There was no way he would let her know that he, too, had misgivings about this operation. It was nothing he could put his finger on, he simply did not have a good feeling about it.

Her group headed out and as she passed Dean, Matt and Elliot, her eyes caught his. Dean and Matt stepped around him, leaving them alone.

"El..." She spoke his name so softly he wasn't sure she really said it. And she called him by his nickname.

His heart jumped. She did not have to say anything, he heard it with his heart, silently spoken with her eyes. For the first time in days, his eyes softened and the look he gave her was tender.

"It's okay. I'll be careful, Liv. I'll be okay." He smiled.

She nodded and looked down. Slowly, she raised her eyes to his again. "El..." She opened her mouth but there were no words there.

He smiled bigger and nodded at her. "Yea...me, too." He stopped as he walked by her and brushed her bangs from her eyes. She put her hand over his and he pulled it out, squeezed her hand and he was gone.

xxxxxx

**The Russian Tea Room**

**Wednesday, July 9****th**

The meeting went very smooth. They met Vincent Sollecito and his wife, Natalia, they were an easy going couple. Paul Sollecito was chewing gum and when he spoke as they shook hands, Elliot knew it was Juicy Fruit chewing gum. It was all Elliot could do to keep from bashing his face in because of what he had done to Olivia. His date, Rosa, was quite attractive but much younger than Paul. Gavlik was there again with the same woman, Mona. Only this time he mentioned her last name...Petrovsky. Elliot was immediately on guard. She was the woman in the video tape buying the items used in Olivia's abduction. The woman with Paul Sollecito. The woman who had essentially fingered Vincent Sollecito as one of Zhanna Tarasov's alleged rapists. This woman was not to be trusted. He had to calm down.

Elliot kept his eye on her, watching for anything out of the ordinary between her and Paul. She was friendly to Elliot but still stared at him like she had Saturday. Toward the end of the evening, he saw her go over to Paul and pull him aside. She whispered something to him and Paul's head snapped up toward Elliot. Elliot held his drink up at him and Paul smiled. About fifteen minutes later he saw Paul talking with Gavlik and watched as a frown spread across Gavlik's face as he looked over at Elliot. Elliot managed to tell Cerek he thought something was up. He thought that for some reason Mona was suspicious of them.

Nothing else of concern happened and they worked out the terms of the agreement with little problem. The Giordani Group would accept an up front payment of twenty five thousand dollars and twenty percent commission from the profits the first year, dropping to fifteen percent the second and subsequent years. In turn, they would provide as many girls as Mr. Elliot and Mr. Cerek needed.

The wording of course, reflected that the group would provide tools, meaning the girls, to help Cross Point Properties increase their margin of profit i.e., sales from prostitution, by new and improved methods of attracting customers, the johns. All the papers were signed and Samuel T. Elliot was given copies and instructions on meeting with the Giordani Group sometime next week. And, the entire transaction had been recorded as Olivia and Munch listened in from the surveillance van three and half blocks away.

The Sollecito and Gavlik parties left the club. Elliot and Matt decided to have a drink. A real drink. Elliot sure needed one to take the edge off.

"Captain...we're gonna get a quick drink and give them time to get out of the area before we come out." Elliot told Cragen.

"You guys deserve a drink, but make it quick." Cragen told him.

He kicked back and as Matt stood up to go get the drinks, Elliot handed him his whole wallet.

"Here...drinks are on Samuel T. Elliot for a job well done." Elliot grinned and scratched his head.

"Great..." Matt had patted his jacket and pants down. "...cause I don't have my wallet...I laid it on the console when we got gas...must have forgotten to put it back in my pocket." Matt laughed, taking the wallet from him.

When he got the drinks, he stuck the wallet in his inside jacket pocket and returned to the booth. He slid Elliot his rum and coke and he picked up his beer.

"Seems like it went well." Matt told him. He guzzled nearly a third of the beer at once.

"Yea...think it's all in place to bust them." Elliot agreed, downing half his drink in one gulp, grimacing because it was so strong.

"Still think Mona suspected something?" Matt asked, leaning in and talking quietly.

"Sure thought so...but everything went along just like we hoped." Grinning, he patted his jacket pocket with the copies of the agreement. "Got the paperwork to prove it."

They downed the rest of their drinks and left the bar. Fin, Lake, Dean and his men, Agents Dave Smythe and Richard McDougall, were not far behind them. As they passed an alley a half block away, they were pulled into its darkness. Normally, their mics and receivers would have already been turned off, but Olivia insisted that they stay on until she knew they were safely back with the group. And she continued to monitor their conversations even though the TARU technicians felt their job was already finished.

She heard the scuffle and Elliot saying 'What the hell...' and Matt saying 'Get off me!' The last thing she heard was Elliot asking 'What do you want, Gavlik?' The sound went dead.

"Captain! Captain!" She hollered.

Cragen was standing with the group of people that had been in the van, the two TARU techs, Munch, and a couple of FBI agents. Six heads turned quickly to her attention.

"Captain, something's gone wrong!" She hollered, her eyes wide with the fear filling her face as the terror in her voice gripped them all.

Cragen and Munch started toward her as the sounds of multiple gunshots pierced the night air in the not too far distance.

In seconds they were all in the van, but the TARU tech who had been driving could not find the keys. As they all screamed and hollered at him to find them, the police scanner crackled in the van.

"This is FBI Agent Richard McDougall of the NYFO. I need a bus...make that several buses...just east of the Russian Tea Room on West 57th Street." He screamed the words that no law enforcement personnel ever wants to hear. "Multiple officers down! I repeat...multiple officers down!" xxxxxx

**A/N:** _Hey, everyone! First all, let me say thanks to all who have been asking about and praying for my Mom and friend. My friend is slowly recuperating and will have a PET scan in a couple of weeks to see if the cancer spread. Mom saw the doctor Thursday and is having surgery Wednesday to have the left lobe of her thyroid gland removed. Please pray for everything to go well and for it not to be cancer. The doctor is very upbeat about it...but I can't help but worry a little._

_Next, let me say thank you to all of you who are __**still**__ with me on this story. It's long...I like long stories. The billion dollar question is still 'what to do with Rhett'?? I almost think I need to make two endings so everyone can be happy! LOL! _

**JRCPaint2006:** _Thanks for your words of encouragement._

**Onetreefan:** _I must say I had never heard of wires or athlete...I did look up the lyrics...not sure I see what you do...maybe you can explain it to me...sometimes I don't get things unless it is spelled out... " ) _

**ariz33: **_I love angst and jealousy and then a great ending! I'm glad you took time to read and very glad you took time to review and let me know how you like the story._

**Svuaddictonesix:**_ I just realized the other night that your 'onesix' was for the precinct...duh! So, you like the songs I chose...they were devastating...and equally so for me when my first real love dumped me! Aaaggghh! It still brings back memories to this day when I hear those songs._

**Stabler 'n' Harm's Gurl**_: What an interesting point about Rook not being dead! That does leave it open for a 'part II', huh?_

**i-love-benson**_: Why do we hate Kathy so? She really is not a bad person...but, alas, I hate her, too! Don't you just feel like you are in the car with them? It was awkward!_

**BiggestSVUFAN**_: Thanks for the good review...but my story is 'second place'? What's first? I want to read it!! " ) _

**EandOalways:**_ This is a comment on your chapter 26 review...I just cracked up when I read your version of what should have gone down: ' "olivia have you slept with my brother?" "no rhett, i just think about it every time i see him."' LOL! I love it!_


	29. Attacked

**Chapter 29 - Attacked**

**West 57****th**** Street**

**Wednesday, July 9****th**

Forget the keys! There was no time! Olivia jumped out of the van and took off running, Cragen and Munch behind her. The FBI agents trailing them just a little. Tears blurred her vision, she wiped them away with the backs of her hands only to have them continuously replaced with new ones. Her heart already constricted from the sheer terror running through her body, beat furiously against her chest as she now pushed it physically. Her lungs ached as she tried to inhale enough of the hot, sticky air to keep her going. Her thighs were beginning to burn, but she pushed on. The wail of sirens becoming louder and louder and then she saw their red and white flashing lights.

She tried not to think of what lay ahead, of what she knew in her heart was awaiting them. It would be bad. Tragic, even. Oh, dear God, if Elliot...no, no, no, no! No! She would not let herself think of him injured...or worse. But, the scenarios kept playing in her mind...none of them good. She was a seasoned police officer, a detective. She heard the volley of gunshots...there must have been at least twenty-five shots fired. And it sounded like machine guns. With that many shots...someone was bound to have...to have...died. Oh, God, please, please not Elliot! Please! Then she remembered the others...please not Dean, not Fin, not Lake, not Matt...please, let them all be all right!

**Alley Just Past the Russian Tea Room**

**Wednesday, July 9****th**

When Elliot and Matt were pulled into the alley and attacked, at first Elliot thought it was a random mugging. But, then he saw Luka Sorokin and Boris Borishenko were the ones that had pulled them into the alley. He knew they were in trouble. A gun was jammed into his rib cage and he could see the strap on Luka's shoulder so he knew he had some kind of rifle. This was not good. He shifted and from the corner of his eye he could actually see the gun Boris held on Matt...an MP5...and he assumed Luka had the same. Definitely not good. Gavlik stepped out from behind a trash dumpster.

"What do you want, Gavlik?" Elliot demanded.

Gavlik nodded and Luka snatched Elliot's watch from him as Boris did the same to Matt. They threw them on the ground and crushed them. At that moment, Dean and the others, realizing what had happened, had gotten into place to surprise Gavlik and his crew.

"FBI! Freeze!" Dean shouted, his gun aimed at Gavlik.

Gavlik shouted something in Russian and when he did, pandemonium broke out. People were yelling and running, guns were being fired, women screaming. Elliot dove for cover behind a dumpster but it was too late. He felt a trail of fire flaming through the left side of his chest and then through his left thigh. Just before he hit the ground, he saw Matt fall backwards into a pile of cardboard boxes, blood quickly staining the middle of his shirt.

It was over as quickly as it had begun. Momentary silence. Then shouting. "Call 911!" "Multiple officers down. I repeat! Multiple officers down!" "I think he's dead!" "Someone help me out over here!" The last thing he remembered hearing was Fin hollering his name. "Elliot! Elliot! Can you hear me, man?" The last thing he remembered thinking was that at least he had sort of told Olivia he loved her before he died. In their own silent way, with their eyes, they had told each other. At least he had smiled at her one more time. At least he had touched her one last time. At least his anger would not be the last memory she would have of him. He tried to speak or open his eyes in response to Fin, but he could not remember how to make words become sounds and his eyelids were too heavy as the darkness closed in upon him and laid claim to his being.

--

Fin was sick to his stomach. He tried not to think of everything he had seen. Of everything he knew and the things that he would come to know by the time this was sorted out. Porter had been shot, but he couldn't tell how bad. McDougall was trying to help him. Lake had been right beside Porter when the shooting started. Lake was shot at least three times that Fin could tell. He was gone when Fin got to him. An off duty NYPD officer heard the commotion and came to help. He held Gavlik, Paul, Luka and two women at gunpoint while someone else cuffed them. Bystanders had come to help Agent Smythe who was alive but unresponsive and a woman who was moaning in pain. Others were helping another wounded man. Fin saw Matt and checked him. He was dead, too.

Two more people lay between Fin and Elliot. He wasn't sure who they were or if they were dead or alive and he didn't care because they weren't brothers in blue. He scrambled, over and around them to get to Elliot. He was alive, but his breathing was very shallow and his heart beat erratic. Fin knew from the growing puddle beside him, he had lost a lot of blood. He called his name but there was no response, nothing. He pulled Elliot's tie from his neck, tore open his shirt, the buttons flying into the air, and ripped the wife beater in two to access the wound just to the left of his breast bone. He used the tie to press into the wound...a feeble attempt to staunch the bleeding. Hearing the EMS techs, he hollered for them to hurry. Elliot was the first one put in an ambulance. As they were wheeling him out, Fin heard someone holler that Matt had a very weak pulse. They quickly whisked him into the same ambulance as Elliot. Fin wanted to ride with them but decided he needed to stay at the scene and do what he could to help the others. Elliot was in good hands, now.

--

Olivia was completely out of breath, her legs were weak, her whole body shaking, but she managed to keep going. She was operating on pure adrenaline, now. The flashing lights of several ambulances, a fire truck, three police cars and two or three unmarked cars were evidence of the horrific tragedy that had just occurred. She saw an EMT close the back doors on one of the ambulances and watched as it sped away from the scene, sirens wailing, lights flashing. A few minutes later, she stopped at an ambulance that was parked partially on the sidewalk just before the alley. Dean was on the stretcher they were about to lift into the vehicle. She flashed her badge and asked the EMT if he was going to okay. The EMT looked toward Dean, nodded and whispered 'probably' then looked toward the man in the ambulance and shrugged. It was Dave. She took Dean's right hand in both of hers and leaned over and kissed his forehead. "You're going to be okay, Dean. You'll be fine."

When she turned the corner into the alley, she was not prepared for the scene before her. Absolutely not prepared for the bloodbath that had taken place. Almost immediately, she spotted Fin. She ran to him, looking at victims being helped by the EMTs and even some civilians. She did not see the man she needed to see.

"Fin! Where's Elliot? Is he okay? Please, tell me he's okay?" The words rushed out of her like a torrent of wind in a storm, her tears still flowing down her face.

"He's been shot. He's already on the way to the hospital. Matt, too." Fin told her.

She hugged him close and he hugged her back. "You okay?" She looked him over, worry filling her eyes.

Shaking his head, he pulled away. "Nah...I ain't okay...but I ain't been shot, if that's what you mean." He told her, tears in his eyes.

"Good. Good. Elliot?" She was looking at the carnage left behind. "Was he...was...he bad?"

Fin could not lie to her. "It wasn't good, Liv. He didn't respond, but he was alive."

She nodded, her mind taking her places she did not want to go. Could not go. "I've got to go to him...see him." She whispered, more to herself than to Fin. "What about Matt?"

"Thought he was dead...but someone said he had a pulse..." Fin shrugged, shaking his head.

She was nodding. "I saw Dean and Dave...they were alive. Where's Ches?" Looking around, she did not see him. "He on the way to the hospital, too?"

Fin just stared at her. Cragen and Munch came up to them at that point. Both had grim looks on their faces. They had heard her ask about Chester Lake. The looks on their faces told her what she did not want to know.

Shaking her head, her eyes darted quickly among the three men. "No. No. He's not..." Her breathing became rapid again. She looked around, still not seeing Lake, she started for a body that was covered. She jerked the cover off. It was Vinny Sollecito. She ran to the next one. It was a woman she did not know. She went for the third one.

Cragen came up behind her and put his hand on her arm, stopping her from lifting the cover. "Olivia...honey...don't." His voice was thick with emotion, tears pooling in his huge, sad eyes.

She froze. "It's him? It's Ches?" She whispered. Cragen nodded and then she suddenly turned and fell into his arms sobbing.

Sirens split the air as two more ambulances took off in a race to rush their victims to the hospital.

Munch and Fin patted her and rubbed her back, wiping tears from their own eyes.

"El! I want to see Elliot! Please! Take me to see, El! I need him! I need to see him!" She managed to grind out between her sobs.

As Cragen held her, both the FBI and NYPD CSUs arrived and began their investigation of the scene. They would try to piece together the details of what happened without the eyewitness accounts of many of the victims who were either injured or dead. While Cragen talked with a firefighter, they saw the coroner's unit drive up. Olivia thought about Lake and Elliot and everything and ran from the group, emptying her stomach on the alley way. She had not eaten since breakfast so the only thing she had to throw up were some tea and two bottles of water.

Cragen asked a firefighter where the victims had been taken and was told they were at two different hospitals...Beth Israel, just down the street and New York Presbyterian over on East 68th Street. Fin said Elliot was in the first ambulance to leave and the firefighter told them he was quite sure the first two went to the closest hospital...Beth Israel. Cragen got one of the NYPD Officers to drive them. Within minutes they were running into the ER at Beth Israel.

**Beth Israel Hospital ER **

**Wednesday Evening, July 9****th**

Cragen showed his badge to the admissions clerk and asked about the gunshot victims that had been brought in approximately twenty minutes ago. She did not have anything on them as they were true emergencies and there was no time to log them in as other than GSWs. She pointed them to some chairs in the waiting room and excused herself to find her supervisor to see if she had any information for them.

Munch sat down in one of the dark blue cushioned chairs lining the wall in the waiting room. Fin sat in the row across from him and leaned over, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.

"Glad you're okay, man." Munch told his former partner.

"I ain't okay. Ain't ever gonna be okay." Fin spoke without looking up.

Munch leaned over and put a hand on Fin's shoulder. "I'm here for you...remember that, all right?"

"Yea...thanks, man. Thanks." Fin replied.

Olivia was pacing in front of the windows. Cragen went over to her. "Come on. Sit down for a little bit." He touched her arm.

"Don...what am I going to do if...if El...I can't..." She trailed off, tears in her eyes.

"Fin said he was alive...let's try to stay positive...he's strong...he'll pull through this..." He said these things to her hoping he could make himself believe what he was saying.

She resumed her pacing and Cragen went to sit with Munch and Fin, taking a seat next to Fin. The clerk told them her supervisor was trying to find out something to tell them. After fifteen minutes and no news, Olivia gave up her pacing vigil and took a seat next to Munch. As she sat down, Munch put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him in sideways hug. Tears welled in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. Another five minutes passed.

"How much longer before they let us know something?" She looked down the hall and then at Cragen and Fin.

About that time a woman in a business suit appeared at the doorway at the end of the hall. She stopped to talk to the clerk who pointed toward the small group from the SVU. She walked toward them and they all stood.

"How is Elliot? I mean, Detective Stabler?" Olivia quickly asked.

"I'm sorry but all I can confirm is that we have four gunshot victims from the same scene. A doctor will be out as soon as possible to let you know details and names." She smiled sadly, leaving them with no more information than they already had.

Olivia was breathing so hard, Cragen was beginning to worry about her. "Olivia...they can probably give you something to take the edge off..."

"What? Oh, no...no." She told him. If they will just let me see Elliot I'll be okay, she thought.

She sat back down and leaned her head against the wall behind her. Closing her eyes, she tried to regulate her breathing. It helped, but not much. When she closed her eyes, she kept seeing Elliot covered in blood, his eyes staring, unseeing. Her eyes popped open and she massaged her forehead between her thumb and first two fingers. The only thing that was going to help was to see Elliot.

Several men walked in and went to the information desk. The SVU immediately pegged them as suits. Absolutely no doubt they were FBI. The clerk pointed and they turned looking at the SVU group and made their way over. Cragen stood and introduced himself and his crew. It was Dean's supervisor and a couple of other Agents. The supervisor told one of the Agents to get contact information for family members of the victims.

Suddenly, something occurred to Cragen. "Has anyone thought to call Kathy?" He looked around at the other three. They all shook their heads. "I guess we are all just too caught up in this mess...I'll call her now."

He stepped away to make the call, returning a few short minutes later. "I sent a car to pick her up."

"How was she?" Olivia asked.

"Upset...but calm enough." He answered.

Another twenty minutes passed. Olivia felt herself losing the tenuous grip she had on what little bit of sanity she maintained. She feared that any moment she would crash over the edge with the stress and tension of not knowing what was going on. She desperately needed to see Elliot. To touch him. To know he was okay.

The door at the end of the hall opened again and this time it was a doctor coming through them. He greeted them without a hint of a smile. "I'm Doctor Tharpe, Chief of Surgery. You are here for the gun shot victims?"

Olivia felt her heart clench and her stomach drop to the floor. Cragen stepped forward, extending his hand.

"Captain Don Cragen, NYPD 16th. We believe the men are one my detectives and the others are FBI Agents. This is their supervisor, John Brigham. We are not sure who is here. What can you tell us?" Cragen asked, not at all sure he was ready to hear the answers.

"I have positive identifications for three of the men. One had no I.D. on him. I am sorry to say that two have succumbed to their injuries...one is in recovery and one is still in surgery. You want names?"

Olivia's knees nearly buckled when the doctor said two had succumbed and she fell into Munch. He and Fin both put an arm around her. That means there was a 50 percent chance that Elliot was dead and a 50 percent chance that he was alive.

Cragen looked around at his three detectives, then back to the doctor. "We're ready to hear the news." Cragen whispered gruffly.

Olivia's voice screamed inside her head. No. No, I am not ready. I am not ready. I am not. As long as I do not know for sure, Elliot can be alive. He has to be alive.

The doctor took a small note pad from his white coat and flipped it open. "The positive I.D.s are Dean Giancarlo Porter, Samuel T. Elliot and Stephen David Smythe."

Olivia held her breath. They all did. Two men were dead. Who? Doctor Tharpe looked up at the group, unsure of continuing. Cragen nodded. He looked back at the note pad.

"Mr. Smythe was DOA. and Mr. Elliot passed at approximately 9:01 p.m. I am sorry for your loss." He spoke quietly and softly.

Olivia heard a heart wrenching scream. A loud, shrill scream of utter despair, denial, heartbreak, disbelief. And then wailing...a pitiful, prolonged, mournful cry. The shattering of a soul. So, so sad. At the realization that it came from her, she collapsed and had it not been for the strong arms around her she would have been in the floor.

No one noticed the thin woman with long, blond hair that had stepped through the sliding doors into the ER. She watched as the scene unfolded before her. At first confused, then horrified as she realized what these hysterics signified.

"No! No! Noooo! He is not dead! He's not! Elliot is not dead! I would know it! I would have felt it! Elliot! Elliot!" Olivia screamed his name, breaking loose from Fin and Munch, she took off running down the hall toward the door at the end. Fin caught up with her just as she tried to go through it.

"Baby, no. Come on. Come on. Shhh...shhh...babe. I got you. Shh..." He pulled her to him, hugging her tightly as she struggled against him.

"Let me go! I have to see Elliot! He needs me! Let go of me, Fin! I swear, I will kick your butt if you don't let me go!" She was screaming and crying, pushing at him trying to break his hold. "Elliot! Elliot! I'm coming! I'll be there! Wait! I promise! Let me go! He needs me...he needs me...I need him!" She broke into sobs again, giving into his hug for just a minute before resuming her fight with him.

She tried to jerk away from him. "Get off me! Let me see Elliot! Now! Please, please! I have to see him. He needs me! Don't you understand? He needs me! We need each other! I have to tell him something! Please. El! Elliot! El!" Her voice was becoming hoarse from all the screaming and crying.

Cragen and Munch were talking to her, touching her, trying to soothe her, calm her even as Fin did the same and held on to her with an iron grip. Cragen knew in his heart that nothing, nothing was going to sooth Olivia Benson right now. Or ever. Cragen also knew, intuitively, that he had lost three detectives today...Lake, Stabler and Benson. Because if Elliot Stabler was dead, then for all practical intents and purposes, so was Olivia Benson.

Dr. Tharpe reappeared, a syringe in hand. Cragen nodded at him and moments later, Olivia collapsed into Fin's arms. The doctor led them to a small private waiting room and Fin picked her up carrying her to the room and gently laid her on the couch.

"She won't be out long...ten to fifteen minutes but when she wakes up, she'll be much calmer." Dr. Tharpe told the Captain.

Kathy appeared at the door to the small room, tears streaming down her face. "Elliot's gone." She spoke the words as a statement. She had witnessed the interaction between Olivia, the detectives and their captain. She knew.

Cragen left Olivia and was at Kathy's side in a heartbeat. He hugged her and she hugged him back. "Kathy, I am so, so sorry."

"When can I see him?" She asked, her voice flat, tears streaming down her face.

"Uh...they said it would be a little bit...they have to...uh...he had surgery...and...uh...well, they went ahead and did an autopsy...and...it...it will take awhile...to get him...ready..." He struggled to find the words to explain.

Munch went to her and hugged her. "He was a good friend, Kathy...and a good man." He wiped tears from his eyes.

"Thank you." She replied quietly.

Fin hugged her, too, but he had no words. She tried to smile at him and he hugged her to him again. "I'm gonna miss that s.o.b." He told her as he sniffled and wiped at the tears falling down his face. She laughed lightly. "Me, too."

"Do the kids know?" Cragen asked her.

"No...I wanted to see how he was first..." She looked away, her eyes glistening.

Kathy was lost in her thoughts. She replayed moments in her life with Elliot. She remembered the first time she had seen him. She was a sophomore and new to the school, he a junior. He was co-captain of their school's hockey team he had been banged up against the railing right where she and her girlfriends were sitting. Their eyes met as he nearly fell into them. It only took a second, but she looked into his eyes, the bluest, clearest eyes she had ever seen, then he smiled and she fell in love. Two days later he was waiting at her locker when school was over. She remembered the night she told him she was pregnant. He was upset because it meant losing his hockey scholarship to college. But he accepted it like a man and told her he would get a job, they would marry and raise their baby.

She saw him with each of their children...how proud he was at their births. How good he was with them. She knew they would be crushed at their father's death. She remembered all they had been through, how bad the last several years had been before the separation...the arguments, the fights, the accusations. And yet, when she once again had to tell him she was pregnant, he once again stepped up, returned home and accepted the responsibility like the man she knew him to be. She knew he did not want to come home. She had suspected he had someone else. She thought it was Olivia, but they never got together and she questioned her judgement, but only for a short while. She knew Elliot loved Olivia...was in love with her. He tried to hide his feelings, but it was in his eyes every time he saw her, every time she entered a room. Kathy knew she was not imagining these things. She knew Olivia felt the same. A woman just knows these things.

Oddly, she found herself feeling sorry for Elliot and Olivia. It was so apparent that they had a connection that most people would die for and yet, yet they could not act on it. He was bound by his commitment, not necessarily to Kathy, but to his marriage vows. And Olivia would never allow him to break those vows...not with her...because she respected that boundary and Kathy knew she respected her role as Elliot's wife and she would never do anything to hurt the kids. She felt a deep sorrow that Elliot was gone...she loved him...he had been a part of life for so many years...she would miss him, grieve for him. But, she was surprised that she did not feel the devastation that she always thought she would, when this moment came. She had lived in fear of this moment for fourteen years.

And maybe years ago, she would have been devastated. Years ago she would have reacted like Olivia. With total despair, her heart and soul completely annihilated. But she wasn't Olivia. She realized then that though she loved Elliot...would always love him...she was no longer in love with him. She should have let him go years ago...should have never asked him to come home. She should have let him start a new life without her so she could have done the same. And now, now it was too late for him. Too late for Olivia. Then she thought about Rhett. Olivia seemed to love him, but the more Kathy analyzed, she came to believe that even though Olivia had no idea he was Elliot's brother, that somehow her inner being recognized the similarities. Rhett was a surrogate Elliot. How else could she have fallen so quickly, so deeply for him. Yes, she loved Rhett, but he would always be second...just like Kathy told him. She sighed and closed her eyes. Life was so complicated.

Silence engulfed them as they waited to be able to see Elliot. Five minutes, ten, fifteen. Then a sound from across the room broke the quiet. Olivia was waking up. She was softly moaning. Cragen went over to her and sat beside her at her waist, his left hand leaning on the back of the couch, his right softly brushing her bangs from her eyes.

"El...El..." She whispered low, but still audible. Her brows knit together in a frown.

"Elliot...umm...El...please...need you...Elliot." She moaned his name, thrashing back and forth, her hands reaching out in an attempt to find him, touch him..

Kathy felt as though she were eavesdropping, hearing something so private, so intimate, she should not be in the room. This woman was moaning and calling Kathy's husband's name in her distress and Kathy felt nothing but sympathy for her. How ironic. How screwed up.

"Don't leave me, El...said you'd...you'd...always be there...don't you...leave me..." Slowly, her eyes fluttered several times. Finally, they opened and she looked around, confused as to where she was, what was going on and why Cragen was hanging over her.

"Olivia...the doctor gave you something to help you calm down...we are at the hospital." Cragen watched her closely.

She tried to sit up, but he had to help her. "The hospital..." She looked around and saw Kathy. She shook her head. "No...no...he's not dead. I would know it, feel it. Kathy, he's not gone." Her voice was hoarse and raspy and she was adamant, but this time quiet with her protestations.

Kathy looked at Olivia, taking in her appearance. Her hair was disheveled, her face pale. Eyes were rimmed in red and swollen and her face was splotchy from crying. She was a shell of the woman Kathy knew her to be...confident, collected, in charge and in control. She was none of those things right now. Kathy felt sick to her stomach. She stood and leaned over to Munch. "I need to use the restroom...I'll be right back."

While Kathy was gone, there was a knock at the door and a young man came in with a plastic bag that had 'Beth Israel Hospital' printed on it and 'Samuel T. Elliot' written in the white space that said 'name'. "These are Mr. Elliot's belongings...he should be ready in another ten minutes or so." The young man quickly and quietly slipped out.

Cragen held the bag in his hand and looked up at Olivia. She held out her hand and he gave her the bag. She set it on her lap, staring at it. She ran her fingers over the name. Elliot. He could not be gone. What would she do without him? He was her air...the very beat of her heart...he was in her blood...no...he _was_ her blood. How would she go on without him? She couldn't...she wouldn't. She knew that. Slowly, she opened it and slipped her hand inside. On top of the folded clothing, was his wallet. Pulling it out, she held it in her hands, running her fingers across the soft, grainy black leather.

Slowly, she opened it. Elliot's picture stared out at her. Piercing blues eyes drilling into hers. His ever present smirk in place. She couldn't help but smile...just a little. She rubbed her finger over his face and tears fell from her eyes and onto the picture. She wiped them off. She read the name on the fake license... 'Samuel T. Elliot'...her face crumpled and a sob tore from her throat. Fin stepped toward her but she held her hand up in a stop gesture. She quickly composed herself. Opening the wallet, she found twenty three dollars, a group picture of all five of his kids and several school pics and one of him holding Eli after his birth. She closed the wallet and placed it back in the bag. Kathy had returned from the restroom and was mesmerized by Olivia's actions.

She then pulled out his jacket. A darker patch of material was visible along the lapel and edge by the buttons. Blood. It had to be blood. Elliot's blood. She gathered it and held it to her face, closing her eyes as she inhaled the scent of his cologne that was left behind. She pulled the jacket away, a strange look spreading across her features. She brought the jacket back to her face, smelling it again. Something was not right. Pulling it away, she laid it in her lap, frowning down at it as she ran her hands over and over the material and the blood. Smelling it a third time, she pulled it away and her eyes narrowed as she bit her lower lip. She opened the bag and peered in it again. Suddenly, she looked up at the people surrounding her.

"This is not Elliot's..." She whispered. "This is not his jacket!" Her voice was louder. She stood up and took off out the door.

"Olivia! Wait!" Cragen called and ran after her, the others following them. She was nearly running, jacket in hand.

Nurses and other hospital personnel tried to stop her. She was unstoppable this time in her quest to see Elliot.

"Olivia! What are you doing? Where are you going?" Cragen was nearly to her now.

She held up the jacket. "This is not Elliot's! He had on his black pin-striped suit. This is plain navy! He's not dead! I _told_ you he is _not_ dead!"

Dr. Tharpe, hearing the commotion, came out of a room to their left. "What's going on here?" He demanded, sternly looking at Olivia.

"This is _not_ Elliot's jacket!" She held it up in the air. "I want to see him! Or whoever it is you say is dead! Now! Elliot is _not_ dead!" She was shaking like a leaf and hollering and every one was looking at her like she was crazy and she did not care.

Dr. Tharpe stared at her and then motioned toward the room he had just come from. Entering, they could see that beyond the main room was another one, a large window separating the two. Through the window was a body draped in a sheet and a nurse standing beside it. Dr. Tharpe looked at the people gathered in the small room and then nodded at the nurse through the window. She went to the head of the body and slowly pulled the sheet down.

There was a collective gasp as the body came into view. Kathy's hand flew to her mouth, she burst into tears and turned to Cragen burying her head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. His own eyes welled with tears and he felt them fall. Fin and Munch were in shock but ready to help Olivia if she needed them. Hot tears cascading down her cheeks again. She exhaled and inhaled in short, sharp breaths. Her heart constricted so hard, it was hurt. Dizziness swept over her with such force she was sure she was going to pass out. Instead she stepped back and whirled around, coming face to face with the doctor.

_**A/N: This chapter flowed a little easier, so it did not take as long as to crank it out. Hope that does not mean it is not good...?? I know you guys will let me know either way...right? I set a personal goal of 500 reviews before posting this...hope it make it tonight. This chapter will have to do until after Mom's surgery on Wednesday...may not get a chance to write again until Thursday or Friday. I'm thinking...hoping...two more chapters...maybe three? I already have another story started. Actually, two...but I want one of them to be a one-shot...think I can to that? Yea, right. Well, we shall see.**_

_**As always...thanks to all who read and an extra special thanks to all who take time to review. It really does mean a lot to me. And for your continued prayers for Mom and my friend. Bless you! **_

" _**) Bensler**_

**EOfan2007** - _Sorry, can't send him to Colorado...Rhett is going to the beach with me...Elliot taught him how to put sunscreen on a woman!_

**LivNel4ever** - _I am honored that I could keep your attention for so long. I like the longer stories, but it can be hard to stick with some of them..._

**Stabler 'n' Harm's Gurl** - _saw the TV guide article, too. I definitely think EO is not OVER! You said you felt like you were right there with Liv and Rhett...well, get this...I was sitting here balling my eyes out when I wrote some of this chapter! And I** knew** what was going to happen!_

**xoc** - _Glad you're back in the U.S. I want details about your 'perv'! Where is Elliot when you need him? LOL!_

**tiff-mariska-livfan** -_ You almost got your wish...it's a day late...I don't recall seeing your ID before, so let me thank you for reading and taking time to review. I really appreciate it._

**BiggestSVUFAN** - _I looked up 'The List'. I actually started reading it when it first came out. I could not finish it. I don't like to cry and it is so sad. I tried again...but I just don't know. Does Olivia die? I can't read it, if she does. I am going to print it off...maybe when I want to be sad...?...I will try it again._

**john903** - _I don't recall seeing your ID before. Thank you so much for taking time to read and for your kind review. And I especially thank you for your prayers for my Mom._

**Ruli** - _No need to die. Others must. Hope you enjoyed what you found at the end of the little purple arrow for 'Attacked'!_


	30. Appreciate

**A/N:**_ Mom does __**NOT**__ have cancer again!! Hallelujah!! The surgery went well and she should be coming home today. Thanks to all who extended their thoughts and prayers! I really appreciate you guys!!_

_And I wish I could tell you how much your reviews and comments and emails mean to me! They really have encouraged me! From the bottom of my heart...thank you! " ) Bensler_

**Chapter 30 - Appreciate**

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Trauma Center Recovery Room ∙ Wednesday Evening, July 9****th**

"Where is he? I want to see him, _now_! I've _got_ to see him! Please!" Olivia demanded, her lungs aching for more air, her heart pounding, her stomach churning.

Dr. Tharpe stared at her, still not sure what exactly was going on. "See who?"

"This is _not_ Elliot! I want to see who is in recovery!" Olivia was trying not to shout, but she was not having much success.

"Not Elliot? But the I.D...do you know _who _this is, then?" Dr. Tharpe asked, incredulous.

"Yes. FBI Agent Matt Cerek. He was undercover with Elliot." Captain Cragen told him, staring at Matt's body.

"Why was Mr. Elliot's I.D. on him?" The doctor nodded at Matt's body.

"We don't know...but we do know that is not Elliot." Cragen frowned, wondering to himself why Matt had Elliot's I.D.

The doctor's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. "Okay...okay...uh...right this way." Dr. Tharpe led them down the hall to the recovery room.

They all followed, half way running and half way walking to keep up with Olivia whose long strides were purposeful, her mission consuming not only her mind, but her body. One thing and one thing only on her mind. Elliot.

"Usually only one person at a time can see a patient in recovery, but this is an extremely unusual situation...so I think you can all go in." Dr. Tharpe held the door open for them.

There on the bed against stark, crisp, white sheets lay Elliot Stabler. Wounded. Critical. Alive. Olivia felt weak all over and she began to shake uncontrollably, violently. Her heart pounded furiously against her chest, simultaneously aching with relief and bursting with joy. Tears flowed in torrents down her face. Sobs tore from deep within her as she sank to her knees. It happened so quickly Munch and Fin had no time to react, no time to catch her. They helped her stand. Elliot was hooked up to a myriad of machines, his chest was swathed in gauze, his leg in a cast up to his hip was held in traction. He looked like hell, but he was alive! He was alive! Alive!

Kathy came through the door, past Olivia and ran to his bedside, calling his name, hugging and kissing him. There was no response. Dr. Tharpe immediately stepped in.

"I'm sorry...but Mr. Elliot..." He started.

"His _first_ name is Elliot. Elliot Stabler." Kathy told him. "I'm his wife."

The doctor was puzzled and glanced at Captain Cragen. "He was on an undercover assignment, remember? We used part of his real name. Fake I.D." Cragen explained.

Dr. Tharpe nodded slowly. "I see. Well, Mr. Stabler is a very sick man...please be careful. Do not jostle the bed, nor him." He spoke firmly as he took Kathy by the arm and pulled her off of the bed.

Cragen put his hand on Olivia's back, a gentle reminder that he was there for her. She leaned into him and when he felt her trembling, he put his arm around her and pulled her close.

"How...bad...is he?" Olivia found it in her to ask, her voice a mere whisper, her eyes never leaving Elliot.

"When he arrived, his heart rate was 56, respiratory rate 35, and blood pressure 75/48. He was not in good shape. He has sustained two GSWs...the most critical one on the left side of the chest. The EMTs performed pericardiocentesis...uh...a needle is inserted into the sac around the heart to draw fluid from it which impedes the function of the heart...this relieved the compression of the heart. Fluid present indicated there was trauma to the heart, or the arteries surrounding it. He was immediately taken to the OR where we found bleeding wounds on the anterior and posterior wall of the left pulmonary artery. The projectile—a 9 mm bullet—was found inside the wall of the bronchus. The bleeding wounds were surgically repaired." Dr. Tharpe paused, looking around at each person.

He continued his summary of Elliot's condition. "Most penetrating chest injury victims do _not_ fare this well. Mr. Stabler is in excellent physical condition and had the good fortune of being near a Level 1 trauma center staffed with highly skilled clinicians with experience in caring for gunshot victims. He is extraordinarily fortunate. A few millimeters to the left or a few minutes delay and this would have been fatal. He was also shot in the thigh...that bullet broke the femur...a steel rod was inserted and repair to muscle and ligament tissue was also necessary. He should not be bear weight on the leg for approximately eight weeks. Estimated hospital stay is two weeks...provided there are no complications. Are there any questions?"

The nausea settled in Olivia's stomach again and she took several slow, deep breaths to try to control it. He could have died. He would have died if it had been just minutes later. Of if he had been sent to another hospital. Or if the bullet was millimeters to the left. Dr. Tharpe looked around and then spoke again.

"I'm afraid I am going to have to ask you all to leave, now. He needs rest and even though he is not conscious, it is quite possible that he hears and is distressed by the events around him. So, if you will..." He nodded toward the door, Kathy kissed him one last time and they began to file out.

Everyone but Olivia. She stood there immobilized, staring at Elliot's still form. Munch and Fin tried to lead her out, but she shook her head. Fin squeezed her shoulder and Munch kissed her on the cheek and they followed the others out of the room.

"Detective...I really must insist that you..." Dr. Tharpe trailed off as he looked at Olivia.

"Please...not yet..." She spoke so softly, he barely heard her. She did not take her eyes off of Elliot.

There was something about her, in her pleading voice, in her eyes as she looked at Elliot, that he could not bear to make her leave. He watched her as she slowly made her way closer to the bed, to her fallen partner's side. Her long, slender fingers slowly reached out and traced his face. She started at his forehead, her fingers lightly trailing across it and then up through his hair and back down again. Then she moved to caress his cheeks, the backs of her fingers on the right cheek, the pad of them on the left, until she finally cupped his left cheek with her right hand. The roughness of his beard scratched against her palm and she closed her eyes, memorizing the feel of him.

His lips were next. Her fingers danced lightly over them, surprised that they were so soft, wondering if they would seem softer in a kiss, with her lips pressed to them. Olivia was lost in this moment. Nothing and no one existed, save the two of them...she and Elliot. Alone. He was alive and thus, she was granted an extension of her life as well. Her hand tenderly trailed down his neck to the gauze on his chest where she lightly touched it, stopping just a second over the thickest part of the bandage, where the bullet had entered. Then she took his big, strong hand in hers, rubbing her thumb back and forth over his fingers. She lifted it to her mouth, turning it over and placing several kisses in his palm before she brought it back down to the bed. Still holding his hand, tears fell from her face and landed on his cheek as she leaned over to kiss his temple.

"Elliot...I have to tell you something...something I should have told you a long time ago..." She took a deep breath. "I..love...you, El. With everything in me...I love you." She whispered into his right ear, kissed him again on the temple, stood and released his hand.

Dr. Tharpe watched entranced by what he saw, felt, heard. The love that this woman had for this man was so strong, so deep, so unbreakable, that it was tangible even to someone who did not know them. Drawn into it, he felt it surrounding and engulfing them. He sensed that it would be a source of comfort, of healing and he wished he was as lucky as this man lying here wounded. He wished he could experience a love like this. He knew it was a rarity. This was something to appreciate, to hold in high regard. He heard her whisper but could not make out the words, he only knew they were steeped in love. The heart monitor picked up pace, just a few beats and the patient's breathing became just a little harder. Dr. Tharpe could not be positive, but he was fairly sure that Elliot had heard, understood and responded to whatever it was that she said. It certainly seemed that way. And love transcends all barriers, even the unconscious.

When Olivia backed away from him, her eyes still glued to his face, Dr. Tharpe could see tears streaming down her face. She sniffled, wiped the tears and turned to him. Whereas, just moments ago, she was oblivious to his presence, she now seemed embarrassed by the knowledge that he had observed her private moment with Elliot.

"Thank you, Doctor." She whispered to him, smiling as he hand her a tissue. She then turned and left the room.

Watching her leave, he wondered had he clearly heard the blond woman earlier when she said she was his wife. Because this woman detective that just left Mr. Stabler's bedside, definitely cared more about this man than the other woman did. At least, that was his opinion.

Olivia never saw the blond woman watching through the blinds of the recovery room. She never saw her as she ducked into the ladies room to hide.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ ER Waiting Room ∙ Wednesday Evening, July 9****th**

She walked down the long hallway back to the waiting room. Fin and Munch were quietly talking and looked up at her as she entered. She noticed Cragen was not there and neither was John Brigham or the other FBI agents.

Fin stood up and came to her. "You okay?"

She nodded and smiled. "I'm fine. Where's Don?"

"He and the suits went to check on Dean." Munch told her, peering over his glasses. He stood and came over to her and pulled her into a quick hug.

"Oh...yea...I need to see him, too..." She trailed off as the door opened.

Cragen and the others came back in. "How's Dean?" Olivia asked.

"He's doing well. Took a shot in the right shoulder...went clean through. He'll be out of here tomorrow." Cragen told her.

"That's good news." Munch said.

"Don...we're going to head on...need to inform Matt and Dave's families formally...take care." John Brigham extended his hand.

"They were good men." The Captain shook hands with him and they said their goodbyes and left.

Kathy came in at that moment, talking on the cell phone to Maureen and took a seat on the couch farthest from the door. She kept eyeing Olivia, wishing she knew what she had said to Elliot that caused changes in the heart monitor and breathing rate.

Fin and Munch sat down again and Cragen took a seat by Kathy. Olivia sat in a an empty chair by Munch.

"Man, I never thought I'd be so glad to see Stabler!" Fin shook his head.

"It was good, wasn't it?" Munch agreed.

"Kathy, we are all glad Elliot will be all right. He's like family to us." Captain Cragen patted her arm that was lying on the arm rest.

"Thank you." She smiled and looked at Olivia.

Olivia smiled back but quickly looked away. "Are the kids coming up?"

"Yes...Maureen is on the way and Kathleen is going to pick up the twins. My mother has Eli." Kathy answered.

"Olivia, how did you know that wasn't Elliot's jacket?" Cragen turned toward her.

She looked up at him and then down at her lap, biting her lower lip. "I...I...remembered he had been wearing his black pin striped suit..."

"You kept smelling that jacket...what was with that?" Fin leaned around Munch to look her in the eye.

She glanced at Kathy, who seemed to be trying not to glare at her, and then looked at Fin. "I...uh...it didn't smell...uh...the cologne...it...uh...it wasn't right...it was not Elliot's cologne. And then I realized it was navy blue, not black pin-stripe...and I knew it wasn't Elliot's jacket and I knew...well, I hoped that meant it wasn't him that was dead..."

She wanted to say that she knew he wasn't dead because she did not feel it. She just knew she would be able to sense it if he were really gone. How do you explain that to someone?

Kathy looked down, upset that Olivia knew Elliot's cologne, remembered what he was wearing. Then she caught herself. She's a detective! Of course, she would notice these things. And after all they have worked together for nine years. It did not mean anything.

"I'd like to see Dean..." Olivia stood up and headed for the door.

"They just got him to a room...538...I'll go with you." Just as Cragen stood, his cell phone rang.

"Cragen." He frowned as he listened to the voice on the other end. He pulled a pen and note pad from his jacket and began writing.

Cragen's face was grim as he flipped the phone shut and returned it to his pocket. "That was 1PP. Brigham just filled them in on the everything. There's going to be a joint FBI/NYPD press release within the next hour. The final damage... two FBI Agents dead...Matt Cerek, Dave Smythe...one wounded, Dean. NYPD lost Detective Lake and has one wounded, Elliot. Vinny Sollecito, Boris, Rose Ferrina are also dead. Anatoly Gavlik has a flesh wound to the upper arm, Mona Petrovsky was shot in the arm also. Luka, Paul and Vinny's wife, Natalia Sollecito were not hurt. They are currently in jail at the one-six."

Silence filled the small room as they thought of their fallen brothers and friend. The door to the room slowly opened, Casey Novak standing there unsure of what to expect.

"Casey!" Munch called out. He went to her and hugged her. She made her rounds hugging everyone...even Kathy, whom she did not know well at all.

"How is Elliot? And Dean?" She asked.

They filled her in and she nodded. "Well, you'll be glad to know that from just the quick review I did of the recordings of Elliot and Matt with the Giordani Group...I'd say this is going to be a slam dunk...and..." She turned to Olivia. "I smell a Federal commendation coming down the pipe."

Olivia tried to smile, but is was unsuccessful. "Hard to be excited about that when so many people...when..." Tears welled in her eyes.

Casey leaned over and hugged her. "I know, I know. But if this operation is anything like it looked like it was...it's gonna be huge, Liv. And you will have had a part in getting a lot of perverts put away for a very long time."

She nodded and stood. "I'm going to see Dean. Be back in a bit."

Before she could turn to leave the door burst open and Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie and Lizzie came piling in. Kathleen ran to their mother, but the others stopped to hug Olivia since she was right there near the door. They were scared and full of questions.

"Is Daddy okay?" Lizzie asked, holding onto Olivia. "He's not going to die, is he?"

"No..no, honey. Your Daddy is going to be fine...it will take some time, but he'll be fine." Olivia assured her, as she kissed the top of Lizzie's head.

"Were you with him when it happened, Liv?" Dickie's blue eyes, wide with fear, searched her face.

"No...he was undercover...I was monitoring him from the surveillance van." She explain, ruffling Dickie's hair and pulling him into a hug.

"Liv, are you okay? Mom said Dad was going to fine." Maureen hugged her again.

"Yea...I'm good." Now that I know your Dad is okay...I'm more than fine, she almost said. "Go see your, Mom." Olivia whispered and Maureen nodded.

Dickie and Lizzie stopped to hug Cragen, Fin and Munch before getting to their Mom. Kathleen hugged them, too, and made her way to Olivia. Kathy could not help but be put off by the fact that three of the four children stopped to hug Olivia before coming to her. She knew her kids loved Olivia...that was just another thing she was jealous about, but still...you'd think after something like this happened that they would want their Mom first. She tried not to show her hurt. After all, their father was critically injured. She caught Olivia's eye and tried to smile. Olivia tried also, then looked away.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Hallway ∙ Wednesday Evening, July 9****th**

"Well...I'm going to see Dean." This time she turned and headed out of the room.

Casey followed her. "I'll go with you." She closed the door behind them.

"You could cut the tension in there with a knife. You know, Kathy's jealous of you already...I've never really realized how much the kids love you...that's gotta stick in her craw." Casey observed.

"Casey! She has nothing to be jealous of!" Olivia rolled her eyes and slapped Casey on the shoulder.

Casey snorted and grinned. "Right...whatever you say."

Olivia stopped in her tracks. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"Oh, come on, Liv. You and Elliot make goo-goo eyes at each other all the time! Every one knows the two of you have something going on!" Casey now rolled her eyes at Olivia.

"We do not make eyes at each other and we do _not_ have anything going on! We're partners, best friends. That's all!" She snapped.

"Newsflash, Olivia. That is _not_ all." Casey smirked and shook her head.

Olivia started walking again. "Rhett is Elliot's brother." She spoke quietly.

Casey stopped, grabbed Olivia's arm and turned her around. "What did you say?" She chuckled. "I thought you said Rhett was Elliot's brother."

She waited for a minute before answering, looking everywhere but at Casey. "I did." She looked at her friend, a pained expression on her face.

Casey just stared at her. "Oh, Liv. How? I mean, when did you...uh...did you know when you started dating...I...I...oh, Olivia...does Elliot know?" Casey was a beyond incredulous, she was dumbfounded. She could only imagine what happened when Elliot found out.

"He was very upset...still upset...and no...I did not know..." She went onto explain about his last name and the nicknames and the estrangement from the family and especially Elliot.

"What are you going to do?" Casey asked her, looking into her big brown eyes.

Olivia shook her head, slowly, her brows knit together. "Why would you ask that, Casey?"

"What about Elliot? I mean, doesn't it bother you to be marrying his brother? Especially, when you..." Casey was interrupted.

"When I what? Elliot's married. I love Rhett. I'm going to marry him." Olivia replied tersely, running her hands through her hair.

"But, Liv...you..." Casey trailed off, not sure what to say. She knew Olivia loved Elliot. Was in love with him. Olivia had never told her, but she did not have to because it was plain as the nose on her face. As plain as it was that Elliot was in love with Olivia.

"But, what Casey?" She dragged her hands through her hair and looked at Casey again. "I don't want to be alone anymore. These last two months with Rhett have been wonderful. We have a good time together, he makes me laugh. He's good to me. I...I...just don't want to be alone anymore, Casey. And I do love him...very much."

Her eyes locked with her friend's and Casey opened her mouth to speak, but there were no words. She simply stared at Olivia, speechless, which was not a term one would _ever_ use to describe Casey Novak, Assistant District Attorney.

"What?" Olivia snapped, her dark eyes flashing with annoyance.

Casey shook her head and whispered. "Nothing...nothing." She tucked a strand of her blond hair behind her ear.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Dean Porter's Room ∙ Wednesday Evening, July 9****th**

Olivia opened the door to Dean's room and they stepped in. He was sitting up, flipping through a magazine lying on the table pulled up across the bed. He looked up and grinned when they entered.

"So, what? A guy has to get shot to get beautiful women to come to him?" Dean joked.

"Shut up, Porter." Olivia grinned and came to his bedside. She felt tears of relief well up in her eyes as she leaned over and hugged him.

"Come on, Benson, don't go getting soft on me!" Dean blinked away tears that were rapidly pooling in his eyes as well and held her tightly.

She pulled away. "I'm so glad you are okay...it was pretty scary listening to what little we heard and then the scene in the alley...I...I.." She hugged him again and kissed him on the cheek. He grabbed her and kiss her on the lips. "I'm just glad you aren't hurt worse."

"Think is was scary in the van? Believe me, it was terrifying in that alley. Brigham told me about Matt and Dave...I saw Chester...and I already knew he was...he was...gone..." He paused, staring down at the magazine. "And Elliot...I'm...I'm so sorry, Liv."

"Not your fault, Dean. We know in our line of work these things happen. It will take some time, but El's going to be just fine." She took his hand and held it.

"Yea...but things like this...they make you appreciate what you have...what you could have...you know?" His smile was sad.

"We all need to appreciate people and things in our lives more than we do." Olivia smiled, agreeing with Dean. She knew that from now on she was going to appreciate that she had Elliot in her life no matter how much or how little.

Dean nodded and then looked at Casey. "Well, counselor, what do you think? We got the evidence we need to put these creeps away?"

"From the preliminary reports and the recordings from tonight that I skimmed through, I think they are all going down. Of course, it will be your prosecutors that get to handle this." She told him.

"Yea...but the U. S. Attorney wouldn't have had anything to prosecute if Liv hadn't pushed the envelope early on." Dean smiled at her and gave her the thumbs up signal.

"Well, listen, we better let you get some rest...you getting out tomorrow? That's what we heard." Olivia asked him.

"Far as I know...and I'm being made to take a couple of weeks off...so...give me a call...I know I'll be bored to tears." He grinned and they traded hugs one more time before leaving.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Hallway ∙ Wednesday Evening, July 9****th**

Casey and Olivia headed back toward the recovery room because Casey wanted to at least see Elliot, even if she couldn't talk to him.. "Dean's really nice. And good looking. What happened with you two?" Casey glanced sideways at Olivia.

Sighing, she looked at Casey, they away. "I don't know...he wanted more from our relationship...I wasn't ready..." Olivia remarked.

"And now several months later...you _are _ready with Rhett...sure that's all, Liv? I mean, did Rhett remind of Elliot...subconsciously, maybe...and that's why you fell for him so quickly?" Casey wondered aloud.

No. That's not all. Dean was not Elliot and I couldn't get past that fact. Elliot hated Dean and he always had smart aleck remarks to make about him. I just couldn't take Elliot's jealousy anymore and I felt guilty being with Dean. How ridiculous is that? So, I broke up with him. We were good together. Probably could have had a great life together, but Elliot jammed it up just like he always manages to do.

That's why I didn't tell want to tell him about Rhett. That's why I never shared much about him. I hoped he would not be able to jam up this relationship. And then, then I go and find out Rhett is his brother. He didn't even have to try to jam it up, it was jammed up from the beginning and I didn't even realized it! And now that you mention, maybe Rhett did remind of Elliot...I sure see the similarities now that I know they are brothers. How much more could my life get screwed up? Gosh, Casey...why did you have to be an attorney and question everything?

Olivia just looked at her. "What are you talking about Casey? I just finally got tired of being alone and when I met Rhett, I decided to give him a chance. A real chance."

They stopped outside of recovery and peered through the blinds. Casey could barely see Elliot, because his children were gathered around his bed. Dickie and Maureen each were holding a hand, Kathleen was running her hand over his head and Lizzie was taking inventory of all the machines and asking Kathy who was sitting in a chair by the wall about what all the numbers meant. Olivia had already told her that her Daddy was going to be okay, so she was content to figure out the machines and their functions.

"Okay, okay." Casey hugged her. "I'm going to head home. I'll drop by tomorrow to check on Elliot...maybe he will be awake by then. You heading out? I can give you a lift..."

"Uh...no...no...I'll catch a ride with one of the guys...later..." Olivia turned from staring at the Stablers and smiled at her friend.

"Okay, good night." Casey shook her head as she walked down the hall.

She turned back to look at the beautiful, dark haired, brown eyed detective standing vigil outside the room of her partner whom she had nothing going on with and was not in love with and knew that as long as Elliot Stabler was in the hospital, Olivia Benson was not going anywhere.

xxxxxx


	31. Appearances

**A/N: **_Guys...what a week! Extra time checking on/visiting with Mom, had to work more than I want...hired two new employees that started Monday...so hopefully that will help my work schedule...my vehicle broke down...fixed now...and if you guys watch the news...our area (Macon, GA) was hit by two TORNADOS on Mothers Day around 5:30A.M! We live about fifteen miles south of the worst damage...we got a LOT of wind, rain, thunder and lightening...bunch of branches and debris in the road and yards...lost a couple of smaller pine trees but they are up on the back part of our land...except for one that fell across the twenty foot slide from the boys fort...the slide is a regulation playground slide we got from an old playground the city tore down...it's sturdy and undamaged._

_Some of my friends and co-workers that live in north west Macon and Lizella (west of Macon) where one of the tornadoes touched down did not fare as well. No one lost their home though my coworkers' neighbor two doors down had their whole house shifted about ten feet off its foundation. Schools and business are closed...a huge area was pretty much demolished...big neighborhood...still about 30,000 without electricity and some without water. Thank God, no one was injured or died, but several have extensive damage to their homes, vehicles and property. And the stories they have to tell...OH MY GOODNESS! __Anyway, sorry it took so long to get this chapter out...hopefully, the last couple will come along quicker. Anyway, you know the drill...and I am NOT talking about TORNADO drill...so hit me up and leave a review! Thanks for your faithfulness! ") Bensler_

**Chapter 31 - Appearances**

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Thursday Morning, July 10****th**

Hearing voices and other sounds in the hallway, Olivia opened her eyes, sat up and checked her watch. Seven thirty-four a.m. She ran her hands through her hair several times and stopped to rub her neck. She had fallen asleep in the hard plastic chair, resting her head against the wall. Her neck was stiff, her back ached and her butt was numb. She stood and stretched, groaning as something popped. She must be getting old. Her eyes fell on Elliot, sweeping over him to see if there was any change. Except that his head was turned toward her instead of facing up, he lay in the same position as when she first saw him last night. Not that he could move much anyway with his leg in traction.

Elliot was moved to the ICU around 11:30 last night and it was close to midnight when Kathy and the kids left. Olivia was surprised that Kathy seem relieved when Olivia told her that she would stay with Elliot. Kathy told her she did not want him to be alone, but she really needed to be with Eli. Olivia found it extremely odd that Kathy would use Eli as an excuse not to be with her husband. Any of the other kids could watch after the baby. She knew Kathy and Elliot were not getting along, but she thought that, at least for appearances sake, Kathy would stay with her husband. Whatever. Truth be known, Olivia was relieved, too. No way would she leave Elliot, especially with his condition so precarious and she really did not want to have to deal with Kathy. So, it was fine with her no matter what excuse Kathy used. He could only have one person in the room at a time and for five minutes. But, Dr. Tharpe overrode that policy since they were NYPD detectives and partners.

Had it really been less than twenty four hours since they met yesterday morning to go over the last minute details of the undercover operation? Had it really been less than a full day that everything was okay, that everyone was alive and whole? Was it only yesterday that Lake had sat on the edge of her desk, kidding her that he bet she drove a jet ski even faster that she drove the sedan? She could see his boyish smile and the twinkle in his nearly black eyes as he laughed. Could it only have been fifteen hours since Dean had barked his orders to commence the operation and winked at her on the way out as he told her everything would be fine and not to worry? Had it really been just yesterday that she and Elliot had the silent exchange of words...of unspoken confessions and he told her he would be okay?

She shook her head and sighed as she went to Elliot's bedside. His lips were slightly parted and they looked parched. She would ask the nurse about that. His brows were knit together in a slight frown and she wondered was it a grimace of pain or was he replaying the horrifying events of last night over and over in his mind, his dreams. What if it really had been him that had died? Suddenly, she found it hard to breathe, just thinking about that scenario. She knew she would not be able to even pretend to function if something were to happen to him. And she knew he was still not completely out of danger.

She ran her right hand over his cheek and chin, the stubble of his beard much more pronounced than last night. Cragen always had something to say if his detectives showed up with stubble, but she always loved to see him scruffy. She thought it made a man look dangerous, intriguing, sexy. She laughed quietly to herself. Elliot was dangerous enough to her without the five o'clock shadow. With her left hand, she took his right and ran her thumb across his knuckles. She noticed his nails and cuticles were imbedded with dried blood. Strange. She had not seen it last night. A good detective would have seen that, she thought to herself. No, she could not blame herself for that...she was much too traumatized to be that observant. She lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed each finger.

"Excuse me...I need to check Mr. Stabler's vitals." A pretty brunette nurse poked her head around the doorway. Her badge said 'Cecelia Morris, R.N.'. What a sweet gesture, kissing his fingers, the nurse thought to herself.

"Oh...certainly...here...let me get out of your way." Olivia let go of Elliot's hand, smiled at her and moved away from the bed.

"I'm Cecelia and I'll be his nurse until 7:00 p.m. We work twelve hour shifts." She smiled at Olivia as she placed her stethoscope in her ears.

"I'm Olivia." She replied quietly, her eyes on Elliot, looking for any hint that he knew what was going on around him.

After listening to his heartbeat, she returned the stethoscope to its resting place around her neck. "Heartbeat is strong and steady."

Cecelia then opened each eye and flashed a penlight into them. Olivia was startled at how vacant they looked even though the brilliant blue was as clear and sharp as ever. It unnerved her to see his gorgeous eyes and know they were unseeing, they did not recognize that she was present, did not see her standing watch over him. As though he were dead.

"How long before he wakes up?" Olivia asked as the nurse added a new I.V. and adjusted the drip a bit faster.

"Well...everyone is different. Sometimes, being unconscious is the body's way of conserving energy. That way everything can be used to fight infection, to heal, to rest. But, there is really no telling for sure, though most of the time a patient will come out of something like this within ten to fourteen hours. So, it could be anytime now. But, don't hold me to it." She smiled again.

"His lips look really dry...is he getting enough fluids?" She stepped back to his side and put her hand over his.

"I replaced the I.V. and stepped it up a bit so he will get more faster. That should take care of his hydration. If you want, there are some wash cloths in that cabinet by the sink and you can wet one and moisten his lips. Also, there should be some vaseline in the personal kit...that would help, too." She was finished writing in the chart and hung it back on the end of his bed and now crossed to the computer to type something in it.

"Okay..." She stared at Elliot, wishing he would awaken. She really wanted to talk to him. Actually, she would settle for just hearing his voice.

"Have you eaten anything? Breakfast is served until ten thirty or if you'd like, I can have them bring you something if you don't want to leave your husband." She offered as she checked the bandages on Elliot's chest.

"He's not my husband." Olivia replied quickly, with a touch of annoyance.

"Oh...well...boyfriend, then?" Cecelia knew he meant something to her from the way she had been kissing his fingers and caressing his cheek and the way she looked at him.

"No. He's not my boyfriend either. He's my partner." She told the nurse, her eyes shifting quickly between her and Elliot.

"Partner? Are you lawyers?" Cecelia asked, somewhat confused, because by all appearances, this woman loved this man. Hands down, no doubt about it.

"No...we're NYPD detectives. Been partners for nine years." She explained, running her hand through her hair.

"Oh...that's right...the shooting near the Russian Tea Room...I saw that on the news...I am so sorry." Cecelia remembered that several law enforcement officers had died, but she was not going to question Olivia about this.

Although, Olivia never said she wanted it, Nurse Cecelia had a tray with orange juice, coffee, a bagel, cream cheese and hash browns brought to the room. It lay untouched. Olivia had no appetite, but she did pick up the bottled water that had been brought in by the night nurse and took a couple swallows.

**SVU Squad Room ∙ Thursday Morning, July 10****th**

"His last name is Sollecito? How many of them dudes are there?" Fin was frowning.

"Roberto Guiseppe Sollecito, 31, New York Institute of Photography, 1999. Worked for the NY Ledger, Washington Post, Boston Herald and get this...he also free lances taking pictures for legal cases as well as following and documenting cheating significant others." Munch read from the computer screen.

"Well, that's sleazy enough for the pics we got. You think he is good for our unknown photographer?" Cragen asked, frowning as well.

"That's my theory." Munch answered.

"Those photos were taken with a really good camera and he's a professional...I'm puttin' my money on 'im." Fin stood near Munch's desk, his arms folded.

"Print all that out, Munch. And you two interview anyone connected with this Roberto fellow." Cragen instructed.

"Any word on Elliot? We really need to get his statement. Until we do, there's just too many missing links." Munch asked as he clicked a few buttons. The printer to his left came to life and started spewing out pages.

Cragen shook his head. "I'm going to head over to the hospital in a bit to check on him...and Porter...and Olivia. I'm betting she didn't go home..." He trailed off.

"No need to bet, Captain. You_ know _she didn't go nowhere." Fin snorted.

Munch stapled the copies of the report together and gave one each to Fin and Cragen and put one on his desk. "What about Lake? And the others..."

"Lake's sister and her husband should be here from Oklahoma after lunch. I told her one of us would pick them up at the airport. Brigham said he would call as soon as he heard anything about memorial services for his agents." Cragen let out a long, heavy, sigh.

"I can't believe Lake is gone...I was just getting used to him...he really wasn't a bad guy...good detective..." Fin mumbled.

"Yea...and now you're stuck with me again. And my theory is that you've missed all my theories. So we will have to get caught up on them." Munch joked, trying to relieve some of the grief they all felt.

"By the way, don't forget...you both have appointments with Huang this afternoon." Cragen looked at each of them. "And it is _not _optional." He turned and headed back to his office. He stopped and turned back to them. "I'll see about getting Dean's statement when I see him."

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Dean Porter's Room ∙ Thursday Morning, July 10****th**

"Dean...how are you feeling?" Captain Cragen asked as he entered the open doorway of Dean Porter's hospital room.

"Pretty good except for the stabs of pain that keep shooting through my arm and shoulder." He grinned.

"You don't need me to tell you how lucky you are..." Cragen looked down, thinking again of the massacre that had happened.

"No...I don't. I still keep hoping this is a nightmare and I am going to wake up and Matt and Dave will be here and Lake will be sitting there with his Ipod going...twenty four years with the bureau and I never thought I would be involved in something like this, Don..." He trailed off.

"Yea...we know it could happed but it's always to someone else..." Cragen agreed.

"Liv came by for just a minute about an hour ago...she didn't want to leave Elliot for long. She told me all about his injuries and that at first you guys were told he had died...I can't even imagine what happened when she heard that..." Dean looked down at his hands on top of the sheet.

"It was rough...for all of us...but especially Liv...listen, Munch and Fin have got a few leads on who we think is the photographer of those pics of Olivia and Rhett...they are out interviewing his friends and neighbors...you won't believe this, but he is yet another Sollecito brother...Roberto." Cragen told him.

"Another one? You know, they are letting me out today...and Brigham told me I can't come into the office...but he never said I couldn't come into _your_ office...so, as soon as they let me out...I'll be there. If nothing else, I can do some research by computer or make phone calls. I can't just sit around for a week. You won't tell Brigham, right?" He looked at Cragen and grinned.

"Brigham? Never heard of him." Cragen grinned back.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Thursday Morning, July 10****th**

There was a soft knock at the door, she glanced at the clock on the wall...ten nineteen...and then at the door as Captain Cragen came in. "Good morning, Olivia."

"Hey, Cap." She stood and he came and hugged her, looking her over, noticing that his suspicions were true. She had on the same clothes from yesterday, her make up was nearly gone and what was left was smeared. She seemed exhausted.

"How's he doing?" He nodded toward Elliot.

"'Bout the same...the nurse said he should wake up soon." She spoke softly.

"You need to get out of here for a while...go home, shower, eat, get some sleep..." He told her but she interrupted before he finished.

"Don...I'm not going anywhere until he wakes up, until I hear his voice and I know he is going to be okay." The words were firmly spoken, determination burning in her eyes.

He stared at his detective and vaguely wondered where Kathy was and why she wasn't here keeping vigil over her husband. She should be the one refusing to leave his side and yet, she was not here. Instead, it was Olivia at Elliot's side. Where she had been for the last nine years. Always at his side, always there for him. Even when he pushed her away, she always there in the background just waiting for him to need her again, to ask for her help, to let her back into his world, if even only for a short time.

"Guess that means there's no chance of you swinging by the house to go over some things?" He asked.

"What things?" Her interest was piqued.

"Munch and Fin have been checking out a third Sollecito brother, Roberto, he was shot at the scene. Mona Petrovsky is in custody...she needs to be interviewed. They could use some help tying up loose ends..." The captain stood with his hands in his pants pockets.

"I'm sure they can handle it..." She offered.

"Olivia, there are lot of things going on and we need to wrap up this case. SVU is short two detectives, three, counting you. The FBI investigation is even worse off, with it's three main agents dead or injured. I could really use the help and in turn, you would be helping put away everyone involved that did this to Elliot and the others." He appealed to her sense of justice.

She stared at him as she ran her hands through her hair, stopping at her neck to massage the tense knots in it. "I'm sorry, Don...I can't...I just can't leave him...not yet. Please don't make me." She whispered to him, tears glistening.

Olivia did not cry easily and he had seen her cry more in the last twelve hours than he had in the last nine years. Her tears ripped at his heart. He was well aware of the situation between these two. He knew they cared about each other as much more than partners or the best friends they always claimed to be. Olivia was the daughter he never had and he felt her pain as though it were his own.

He patted her shoulder. "I'm not going to make you leave...just...come by when you can for a little bit."

"Can Fin or Munch bring me some of the reports? I can read them here as well as at the precinct." She suggested.

He nodded. "That would work. I'll have them brought over as soon as possible. I'll authorize a laptop for you as well. " Looking at the breakfast tray, he caught her eyes. "When's the last time you have eaten anything?" He knew she had not eaten last night.

She shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know...I'm not hungry."

When she was caught up in a case or upset about something, she did not eat. Elliot was the only one who could ever really get her to do so and right now...well...someone had to take up the slack and since he was not Elliot, he would use whatever means were necessary.

"Olivia...you have to take care of yourself or you'll be no good to Elliot. I want you to eat. That's an order." The look he gave her was sympathetic as well as pleading.

A smirk played at the corner of her mouth. An order? He was acting like a father. "Okay, Dad. I'll eat something..."

She picked up the bagel, opened the cream cheese, spread it on one half and took a bite. It was like cotton in her dry mouth and she took several swallows of water as she looked up at Don and raised her eyebrows.

The Captain was extremely pleased and it showed in his wide grin and twinkling eyes. At the sound of a light knock, they both turned toward the door and watched as Nurse Cecelia came into the room. As soon as Don's attention was elsewhere, Olivia threw the bagel in the trash.

Olivia introduced her to Cragen and they watched as she once again checked Elliot's vitals. "I see you are at least eating something." She smiled at Olivia. "Did you have to order her to eat?" She looked at Captain Cragen and they all laughed.

"Something like that." He grinned.

Olivia nodded as the nurse's cell phone chirped. "This is Cecelia." She paused and then looked up at Olivia. "Oh, yes. Of course, I will let her know." She flipped the phone shut.

Her eyes met Olivia's. "That was the central nurse's station. "It seems Mr. Stabler's mother and sister are here."

"Oh...which way is the station..." Olivia asked as she headed for the door, never taking her eyes from Elliot. "Will you stay here until I..." She looked at Cragen.

The nurse interrupted her. "You know Dr. Tharpe never rescinded his order that it was okay for more than one be one person to be in here at a time, so, why don't you stay here and I'll bring them back." She winked at Olivia. She wasn't exactly sure what being 'partners' entailed, but she knew enough to recognize someone in love when she saw it. And she knew Olivia really did not want to leave Mr. Stabler's bedside.

Olivia turned back and whispered. "Thank you."

A few minutes later, the door to Elliot's room opened and Marie Stabler and Elliot's youngest sister, Erin, appeared. Marie's red rimmed eyes gave away the fact that she had been crying and Erin, even with her tan, was pale and unusually quiet, her eyes also red. Olivia stood from the chair by the bed and came toward them. She introduced them and Cragen and then they each embraced Olivia.

When Marie hugged her, there was just something about her arms around her, the softness of her, the comfort she exuded, maybe it was just being held by a mother, anybody's mother, but especially Elliot's mother, that without warning Olivia found herself bursting into tears. It was as though she had been holding everything in check but then the touch of someone else whom she knew loved Elliot unconditionally, gave her permission to admit her fear, her worry, her guilt and to release the pent up emotions that had engulfed her last night.

"Olivia, dear. He is going to be fine." Marie patted Olivia's back with one hand and smoothed her hair with the other. Pulling her away from her, she took a tissue and wiped at Olivia's tears. "Are you okay, honey?" She looked deep into Olivia's eyes.

"Yes...no...I mean...I don't know...I just can't believe this happened...I...we...thought...they told us he...that he...was...that he had..." She started crying again.

"Kathy told us there was a mix up in the identities at first." Marie hugged her again.

"How is he doing? We came as soon as Kathy called this morning." Erin told her as she picked up Elliot's hand and held it to her face.

Marie released Olivia and went to her son's bedside. She kissed his forehead and cheek, talking to him and whispering 'I love you' several times before turning back to Olivia.

Olivia told them everything she knew about his injuries and that the nurse thought he could be waking up any time. They wanted to know what had happened, but she let Cragen fill them on those details. They were horrified when he told them about the doctor telling them that Elliot had died. They turned to look at Olivia and saw that her eyes were still on Elliot.

Marie was stunned. Olivia was marrying Rhett, her oldest son. She had seen them together and they seemed made for one another. Olivia seemed so in love with Rhett. And yet, there was no mistaking what she saw in Olivia's eyes as she gazed at Elliot. She loved him. Not just loved him as a partner or a friend. And these tears? No. Olivia Benson was in love with her son, Elliot.

She thought back over the holiday weekend and was surprised to find she could remember glances Elliot had given Olivia. She remembered how he watched her every move when he thought no one was looking. How he had disappeared after Rhett announced his and Olivia's engagement. How red his eyes were when she saw him later. He said it was allergies. It was of no significance then, but now it spoke volumes to the mother in her.

She also knew things were rocky between Elliot and Kathy. Had been for as long as she could remember. Speaking of Kathy, where was she? She should be at Elliot's side. Watching. Waiting. This was not a good situation. Instead of anger, she felt a profound sense of loss. Olivia was in love with two men. Her two sons. They were brothers. Brothers in love with the same woman. How devastating this could be for everyone involved.

She did not have long to muse over her newfound secrets. The door squeaked as it opened slowly and Kathy Stabler stood in the doorway, surveying the room. Marie and Erin hugged her as did Cragen. She exchanged guarded looks with Olivia and finally Olivia broke the tension that had filled the room the minute Kathy opened the door.

"Hey, Kathy." She smiled but she knew it was not much of one.

"Olivia." Kathy replied brusquely, not even attempting to be cordial.

"There hasn't been much change...he should be waking up soon. His vitals are excellent. I'll need to change the dressing on his wounds later this afternoon, but other than that he's doing well for the injuries he has sustained." Nurse Cecelia told her. "Call if you need anything."

She left the room quickly. So, this was the wife. Hmmm. Something definitely going on here. The tension between them all was palpable. Part of her wanted to stay for the fracas she was sure would ensue and part of her was glad to be getting out of there in one piece.

Shortly after Kathy arrived, Elliot started to move around a bit. He would groan and moan, try to move his leg that was held in traction and then groan in pain. He coughed and then his hand would go to his chest wound. Dr. Tharpe had come in on his rounds and seeing Elliot's growing restlessness, was about to tell everyone they had to leave and only one person could be with him at a time, when Elliot mumbled something.

Dr. Tharpe leaned closer to him. "Mr. Stabler? Elliot? Did you say something?"

"Aaaugh...Liv...Liv..." He mumbled as he moved his head from side to side. "Where's...Liv...is...is...she...okay?"

Olivia's head snapped up toward Elliot and then to the doctor, a very concerned look on her face. She took a step toward him but Dr. Tharpe held up his hand indicating for her to stay away.

Dr. Tharpe looked up at Kathy, on the opposite side of the bed from him, her eyes narrowed and her lips set in a thin line and then past her to Olivia standing several steps behind her with the Captain. The Captain has his hand around her bicep. The doctor could tell she wanted desperately to come to Elliot. The man was not calling for his wife. He had already seen Olivia's feelings in action and now by all appearances, Elliot felt the same. The unconscious mind did not lie. And coupled with the trauma and medication...this could get rough. Maybe he should go ahead and clear the room before things further deteriorated. He was too late.

"Olivia!" Elliot suddenly shouted, his eyes opened and he was thrashed around, kicked his good leg, the covers flying off of him,as he tried to get up. The leg in traction twisted in the air. Dr. Tharpe tried to hold him down and he realized that even though his eyes were open, he really was not seeing anything or anyone. Just as quickly as they opened, they closed again and Elliot fell back across his pillow, groaning in pain and holding his chest. Olivia was like a race horse chomping at the bits, Cragen holding her back with both arms around her now. She was wringing her hands, twisting her watch around her wrist.

"Mr. Stabler...please calm down, sir." Dr. Tharpe talked quietly but firmly.

Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep. The heart monitor was going absolutely wild. Dr. Tharpe snatched his stethoscope from around his neck and readied it, trying to listen to Elliot's heart. It was impossible with him hollering and thrashing.

"Liv! Liv! Olivia! Are you okay? Liv! Say something! Please!" Elliot was screaming for her, tears flowing down his face.

Her heart could stand it no longer, she could take it no more. She didn't care what the doctor told her. She didn't care that she had to tear herself out of Cragen's arms. She didn't care that Kathy was there. She didn't care that Elliot's mother and sister were watching. The door burst open and Nurse Cecelia, another nurse and a technician came running in. She did not care what any of them thought. All that registered in her brain was that Elliot was begging for her. Screaming for her. He needed her. Now.

"Mr. Stabler...please...sir, you need to calm down." He knew it was not good for him to become agitated.

Olivia jerked free from Cragen, ran to Elliot, barreling past Kathy, the nurse and the technician to get to him, pushing them all aside. "Elliot! El! I'm right here! I'm okay! I'm okay, El!" She hollered out.

"Liv? Liv?" Elliot was already calming down, just from hearing her voice call his name. Dr. Tharpe and the other medical personnel just stood there staring.

He opened his eyes again and reached for her. His eyes were so, so blue. They shone with the tears that freely fell. She cupped his left cheek with her right hand, wiping tears away with her thumb and took his right hand in her left and leaned down, her mouth against his right ear.

"I'm okay, El and I'm right here." She whispered, tears beginning to fall from her eyes.

His left arm went around her shoulder, holding her to him. "Olivia...were you hurt?" His heart was nearly at normal rhythm once again.

"No...no, I'm fine, El..." She tried to pull away a bit.

He held her tight. "No! Don't... don't...leave me, Liv!" Tears were pooling in his eyes again.

Just her trying to move away from him a little so she could look him in the eyes, caused him immediate distress and the heart monitor began to speed up again and go crazy.

"Elliot...I'm not going anywhere...I promise. I'll be right here." She whispered, as she pulled away, still holding his hand, now with both of hers.

At last their eyes met. Crystal, sky blue on chocolate brown. His left hand reached out for her face. It was shaking. He trailed his fingers over her cheek and lips. "Olivia...you can't marry him...please...you can't...I love you, Liv." Elliot begged her, new tears trailing down his face. "I...I love you." His voice was softer, his eyes closed, he sank back into the bed and was out once again.

Olivia could barely breathe. Surely any minute now, she would awaken and this would all be a bad dream. Okay. A nightmare. She could not believe what he had just said in front of everyone that was important in his life. She felt their eyes burning a hole in her. She felt the tension permeating the thick silence of the room. Elliot had just said some life changing things and then promptly left her. Just like he had been doing for over a year. Left her to deal with the fallout of his words and actions without a thought as to what it did to her emotionally. He left her deal with it all. Alone.

xxxxxx


	32. Affirmation

**Chapter 32 - Affirmation**

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Thursday Morning, July 10****th**

Dr. Tharpe was simply amazed that this woman could have such a calming affect on his patient. If there were a way to bottle this, he would be a billionaire. However, he knew that things could not remain calm. Not after these declarations, these admissions. He turned to look at the group. Each one of them were in varying degrees of shock.

"Uh...Mr. Stabler's outburst...uh...episodes such as this are not unusual in a trauma patient. They often say things that don't make sense or confuse facts of previous happenings. This is especially so with something as traumatic as this situation. He may or may not remember what has gone on when he awakens fully. I'm going to give him a mild sedative that should help him awaken slowly and be more cognizant when he does." He nodded toward the nurse. "If you have any questions, please call me." He left the room, followed shortly by the nurses and technician.

The doctor knew he was reaching, but he hoped for at least some damage control with his medical explanation. He liked this Olivia Benson and he knew that she would bear the brunt of any wrath that was spawned from this event. What he said was possible, though not likely. The most likely explanation was that Mr. Stabler did, indeed, love Ms. Benson. However, he was pretty sure that whenever Elliot Stabler became fully awake, he, too, was going to be dealing with some less than desirable consequences of the things he said today. One look at the blond haired woman who said she was his wife was all he needed to verify that assumption.

Olivia was afraid to move, to breathe, to blink an eye. What should she do? She had no clue as she stood there completely motionless, staring at Elliot. How could he say these things? In front of his wife, his mother, his sister...their Captain...how could he say that? How could he declare his love for her? How could he tell her she could not marry Rhett? What was she suppose to do now? What could she possibly say to the witnesses of this affirmation of his feelings? How could she ever face any of them again? Especially Kathy. She could only imagine how hurt Kathy was by this and she knew she had to be believe that this was proof of all the things she had suspected over the years. She almost wished now that Elliot had remained unconscious. She had to do something. Move. Breathe. Turn around. Say something. Yet, she was paralyzed.

Suddenly, she felt a strong arm go around her waist as another took her arm. Captain Cragen stepped up and spoke to her. "Olivia, I need to talk to you about some details of the case. Come with me, please."

Looking up at him, she blinked several times. Gently, he led her out of the room and she never said a word. Not daring to look, she felt the eyes of Kathy boring into her, daggers sharpened, ready for the kill. From the corner of her eye, she saw Marie and Erin staring after her, too. She wished a hole would appear and swallow her. She would be eternally indebted to her Captain, who was now her savior, for pulling her out of that awkward situation.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Cafeteria ∙ Thursday Morning, July 10****th**

He led her down the hall to the elevator. When they got on, he pushed the button for the first floor. She did not even remember the walk from Elliot's room to the cafeteria. When she finally snapped back to reality, she was sitting across from Cragen at a table in a quiet corner of the nearly deserted cafeteria. A mug of hot tea steamed in front of her, a cup of mixed fruit beside it.

Cragen did not say anything. He simply looked at her and when she at last looked into his eyes, he nodded toward the tea and fruit. "I saw the bagel in the trash. Olivia, you _need_ to eat. Please." He reached out and covered her left hand with his right.

For just a minute, she stared at him and he was not sure she even understood what he said. But, then she picked up her fork and stabbed a piece of pineapple and he breathed a sigh of relief. He remained silent as she ate. She ate it all. Grapes, pineapple, blueberries, cantaloupe and kiwi. She laid her fork down and picked up the spoon. Pouring a creamer and two sugars into the tea, she stirred it. Lifting the mug with both hands, she closed her eyes as she sipped from it. Setting it down, she looked up at Captain Cragen and sighed deeply.

Exhaustion etched her face. Her hair was mussed, clothes wrinkled and she had mascara smudged around her eyes and down her left cheek. She really should go home and rest. Shower, change and eat a full meal. He continued to look at her, sympathy evident in his facial features, from his kind eyes to the tender smile he gave her. He seemed content to let her call the shots on talking. She ran her index finger around the rim of the mug and chewed her bottom lip.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" She asked softly, afraid to look him in the eyes. Afraid of the disgust, the condemnation she might see.

"What is there to say, Olivia?" He asked just as softly. He leaned his head down trying to see her eyes.

She shook her head, shrugged and looked out into the cafeteria. "I...I don't know. Something...anything." She looked at him. "Are you going to split us up?"

"Why would I do that? You're my best team." His eyes searched hers.

"After...after what...he...you know...what he said...I just thought you would...split us..." She trailed off and looked away again.

"He didn't say anything I didn't already know, Olivia." He smiled slightly at the look of surprise on her face.

"What?" Her eyes narrowed as she frowned at him, her mouth open in shock. Cragen knew? He knew that Elliot loved her?

"Both of you are good cops, Olivia, but neither of you are any good at hiding your feelings for each other." He grinned at her.

"So...you won't...split us up?" She looked at him, surprised at what he had to say.

"That what you want?" He took a sip of his coffee and leaned over the table, his arms folded.

She ran her hands through her hair. "No...I...I don't know...I don't know what I want...this is so complicated, Don. Maybe we should be split...maybe I should transfer out..." She felt tears welling in her eyes and quickly blinked them back.

"Olivia...I think you need to get some rest, put this on the back burner. You don't need to make any decisions right now. It will be months before Elliot can come back to work and even longer before he will be able to do anything but ride a desk. That will buy you some time to work things out." Cragen patted her hand.

"Work things out? What's that supposed to mean?" She asked him, aggravated at his implication.

"The things he said are bound to result in some repercussion with Kathy...and then, of course, you have some decisions to make yourself concerning Rhett." His last word, a name, was not heard by Olivia because her cell phone rang.

She pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the caller I.D. Rhett! She had nearly forgotten about him. What was she going to say to him? What kind of a fiancé goes for hours, days and doesn't think of her significant other? She looked up at Cragen as she flipped open the phone.

"Rhett...hey." Her heart was pounding. She had no clue what to say to him.

As it were, she did not have to say much of anything. He was furious and he did the majority of the talking. If you could call it talking. It was actually more like a scathing, verbal dressing down as to why he could not get in touch with her the last two days.

"Olivia...why haven't you returned any of my calls?" He started off calm enough. Sort of.

"I...uh...I'm sorry...I have been out of pocket...and..." She did not want to be the one to tell him about Elliot and what all had happened.

"Out of pocket?" His voice lowered a notch as he struggled to maintain his anger. "Out of pocket? I have called your cell, your home, your office. No answer. No response to any of my messages..."

"Rhett...look, I haven't been home...or to the office...and I really am sorry and I..." She was struggling to say something that would placate him.

"Sorry? I had to hear it from Casey that my brother had been shot and was in critical condition! She was shocked that you had not called me...that someone had not called...you, my family, someone!" He was shouting and clearly upset. Well, she was, too.

"It's not like I'm the only who did not call you...what about your Mom, or Erin or Emily or Ethan? For that matter, what about Kathy? And I, at least, have the excuse of having been here at the hospital since it all happened!" She hollered back.

Cragen shot her a look and then turned to see if she had attracted the attention of others in the cafeteria which was beginning to fill up now that it was closer to lunch time. She looked around and noticed that a couple of people were looking her way. She turned toward the wall and tried to calm down.

His voice became softer, quieter. "How is Sonny? Is he going to be all right?"

"Yes...it's going to take some time, but the doctor says he will fully recover." She filled him in on the details.

"I'm so sorry about Chester, Matt and Dave...I wish you had called me..." He was upset and understandably so.

"I'm sorry...I just...you can't have cell phones turned on around all the medical equipment and to be honest...I just have not thought about anything other than Elliot and Dean and the others..." Her voice cracked. She was hoping he would understand.

"You've been there the whole time? How long?" He knew she was not taking care of herself.

"Since last night around 8:30 or 9:00...not sure." She told him.

"Kathy and Mom weren't there?" He was a little confused.

"Kathy was here last night for a couple of hours...she and the kids...they left about midnight. She did not tell your Mom until this morning. She and Erin have been here about an hour and a half, Kathy got here a little after they did." She explained.

"But you stayed? All night?" He was really confused now. Why would Olivia stay and not Kathy? If he were as critical as it sounded, then why did his wife leave his side? Why would his partner stay with him when his wife obviously did not feel the need to do so?

"Yea...I just...couldn't...leave him here alone..." She trailed off, knowing how that must have sounded to Rhett.

He sighed heavily and cleared his throat. "Should I come home? I mean...if he's going to be okay and everything...do you need me? Do you want me to come home? Should I be there for Mom?" He was very concerned about his brother, but more than anything, he wanted to be there for her, for his Mom and family.

"I think that is up to you, Rhett...there's really not much you could do...he's going to be in the hospital for a couple of weeks and after that is when others will really be needed...to help care for him. Your Mom seems fine...she has your sisters and Ethan...and Elliot's family." She sighed and rubbed her forehead with her free hand. She had the beginnings of a headache.

"Liv?" His voice was soft now.

"Yea..." She replied.

"Are you okay?" He wanted to know.

She was silent for a minute, then she sighed and whispered. "Yes...I am now."

Rhett smiled. He thought she meant now that she had talked with him she was okay. Olivia would never tell him it was that she was because Elliot had woke up, she heard his voice and now she was sure he was going to pull through and be just fine. Sooner or later, he would be just fine.

"I'm glad...look, I've got to go...they are packed up and ready to head out...I won't be near a cell tower for a couple of days, but if you need to get in touch, call my supervisor and he can relay a message, okay?" He told her.

"Okay."

"Olivia...I love you." He spoke quietly and she thought she heard a trace of doubt in his voice. Not doubt about his love for her, but doubt about hers for him.

Her hesitant response only served to reinforce that doubt. "Yea...I...love...you, too. Bye, Rhett." She flipped the phone closed and stared at it in her hand until the backlight on it faded away.

When she looked up, Cragen was just watching her. He looked away after her eyes met his. "What?" Her annoyance at his unspoken question quite apparent.

He only shook his head. He looked around the cafeteria and then back to her. "You ready?"

"I suppose so...what am I going to say to them? To Kathy?" She rubbed her temples for a minute then stood up and pushed her chair under the table.

"We'll figure something out." He took her by the elbow and led her out.

He said 'we'll'. He was going to help her out. She owed him big time. The pounding in her head was becoming more pronounced. It could be from lack of rest, not eating, stress...who knows. But, she had the distinct feeling it would get much worse before it went away.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Thursday Afternoon, July 10****th**

When they approached Elliot's room, they saw that Marie and Kathy were in a heated discussion. Erin was standing to the side looking like she wished she were anywhere but here. She looked up as she saw Olivia and Cragen coming down the hall. When they were nearly to the group, they overheard Marie's last comment to Kathy even though she was trying to say it quietly.

"Kathy, just be sure you consider this from every aspect before making any decisions." Marie spoke quietly to her daughter-in-law.

She turned and smiled at Olivia and Cragen. "Are you all right, dear?" Marie reached out and put a hand on Olivia's arm.

She was startled at this caring gesture because she was certain that Marie would be upset with her over the things that Elliot said and how Olivia had gone to his bedside.

"Uh...yes...yes, I am. Thank you." She gave her a wan smile and then looked at Kathy. At her glare, the smile fell from Olivia's face.

"The nurse ran us out...she's changing his bandages." Emily offered an explanation as to why they were in the hallway.

Olivia nodded and looked at Kathy again. She was still glaring at her. She felt Cragen step closer to her.

"You know, partners become very in tune with one another and more often than not their first thought when something goes wrong is the safety of their partner. They are trained to have their back. Olivia and Elliot have been partners for so long, it is simply amazing how in sync they are. With everything Elliot has been through...when he woke up...I was not surprised that his first thought was of Olivia. He probably forgot that he was undercover...just knew that he had been shot and was concerned for his partner thinking she was involved in the shooting, too. It's a horrible thing to lose a partner." Cragen's voice faded away as he seemed to be thinking of another time and place.

That sounded pretty good to Olivia even though she doubted that was Elliot's entire reason for asking about her. Marie and Erin seemed to be in agreement with what Cragen said. Kathy, however, was now looking out a window so there was no way to judge what she might think. Olivia didn't have to wonder very long. The nurse opened the door and told them they could come back in. Marie and Erin went in first. Cragen was asking the nurse something. Olivia was standing at the doorway and as Kathy walked past, she paused long enough to lean in and whisper.

"If you think I believe Cragen's load of crap, you're crazy!" Kathy hissed.

Olivia felt her hot breath against her ear. Her heart sped up and she held her breath as she clenched and unclenched her fists. She wanted so badly to put a well placed punch right in the middle of Kathy's face. Instead she stepped into the room right behind her.

An hour or so later, Marie and Erin decided to head home. They told Kathy that they would come back Saturday or Sunday and Emily or Ethan would be there tomorrow to sit with him for a while. Cragen needed to go to the airport to pick up Lake's sister and he convinced Olivia to go home for a couple of hours and then come to the precinct to go over a few things. Apparently, Kathy was going to sit by Elliot's side until Maureen got there at least. Olivia did not want to have to be in the same room with her alone so she had given into Cragen's pleads. Cragen left word with Dr. Tharpe and Nurse Cecelia that they were to call him when Elliot woke up and seemed coherent. They needed his statement.

**Benson Residence ∙ Thursday, Afternoon, July 10****th**

The hot water cascading through her hair and over her body was a wonderful sensation. She did not realize how tired she was until the heat of the water began easing some of the tension from the knots in her neck and shoulders. She squirted a generous amount of citrus shampoo in her hand and began lathering her hair. Rinsing it out, she put some conditioner in her hair and then rinsed that. The hot water felt so good, that after bathing and shaving her legs, she stood under the spray until the water turned tepid. Grabbing a thick, fluffy white towel she wrapped it around her body and grabbed another one for her hair.

She walked into the kitchen and put on the tea kettle. She returned to the bathroom and dried her hair. She slipped into some shorts and an oversized tee shirt. When it fell nearly to her knees, she realized it was one of Elliot's. She either stole from his locker or he left here when they went for a morning run. After making her cup of tea, she looked in the frig. There really was nothing to eat. Then she noticed the left over salad from Moretti's Saturday. It was a bit wilted, but she thought it was still edible. She took it with her tea to the living room and sat on the couch to eat. She turned on the television and flipped through the channels. Concentration escaped her and she turned it off. All she could think about was Elliot. And what he said. She still had to deal with the fallout of all that and she did not want to think about it.

She ate almost all of the salad and drank all of her tea. She was surprised that she actually felt a little hungry. She put the remains on the lamp table next to the couch and stretched out. She quickly succumbed to her weariness. Two hours and forty-five minutes later, she was awakened by the chirp of her cell phone. Reaching behind her to the lamp table, she found it and opened it.

"Benson." She mumbled, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Liv? Did I wake you?" Casey asked.

"Mmmm...yea..." She looked at the clock on the DVD player. 5:05. "...but I need to get up...need to go to the house for bit."

"Sorry...just wondered...how's Elliot doing? And Dean...I haven't been able to get away today." She told Olivia.

"Dean's fine...in fact, he was in the process of being let out when we left Elliot around one. Elliot actually woke up...sort of...for just a little bit...then passed out again." She explained to her friend.

"Sounds like he's getting better, then, huh?"

"Yea...so...you been busy today?"

She sighed. "This case is huge, Liv. I mean huge."

"So, everyone keeps telling me. Rhett called me today..." She was still lying on the couch and she stretched and yawned.

"That's the other thing I was calling you about...Liv...I'm sorry...I did not know what to say...I thought he knew...I hated to be the one to tell him...he was really upset." Casey apologized.

"Don't worry about it...we got it straightened out." Olivia assured her.

"You sure?"

"Positive. Look, I need to get dressed and head to the station. Talk with you later, okay?"

Olivia put on her dark blue pin stripped jeans and white tank with her white pheasant style shirt. She put on her holster and gun and clipped her badge to her belt. She stepped into some black boots, grabbed her keys and cell and headed for the precinct.

**SVU Squad Room ∙ Thursday, Late Afternoon, July 10****th**

Munch was sitting at Elliot's desk, Fin on the corner of Liv's desk as they filled her in on all the things they had learned that day. Cragen was in his office going over reports.

"Man, that Mona...she singing like a songbird. Begging for immunity..." Fin told her.

"Casey said that as long as she could not be directly implicated in any of the murders, she would see to it that she got a reduced sentenced." Munch added, as he leaned back and propped his hands behind his head.

"So, what about Zhanna? Is Casey still able to use her?" Olivia wondered. She really like Zhanna and had hoped she could help her in some way.

"Here's the deal...Zhanna, Mona and Daniela Kushnir were brought to the U.S. at the same time. Zhanna and Mona both got to be 'mentors' to the newer girls, but not Daniela. She was stuck in the bars being 'nice to the men'. They had all been good friends but then Gavlik started doing Mona and he moved her on up the line, trusted her with more information. She met Paul Sollecito and she fell for him but he had a thing for Zhanna. Daniela Kushnir was not happy that Gavlik promoted the other two but not her so when she found out about Mona and Paul, she told Mona she was going to tell Gavlik if Mona did not give her a percentage of her earnings each month." Fin told her.

"Mona told Paul and he orchestrated Daniela's murder to get her off of Mona's back and keep himself out of trouble with Zhanna and Gavlik. Zhanna was not raped...the sex with Luka and Boris was just what they said...part of their 'payment' from Gavlik. And Paul...well, turns out Zhanna was in love with Paul and found out he had been doing Mona so they had a big knock down drag out that night, but not before she had sex with him, too, and she had some bruises from him before Gavlik had Luka and Boris beat her up over their argument about money Gavlik supposedly owed her." Munch added to the explanation.

"So what is Zhanna going to offer in return for immunity?" Olivia could not believe how complicated all of this was.

"Between her and Mona...they are prepared to tell about every bar in three states that is owned either separately or jointly by Anatoly Gavlik and the Giordani Group. And name names of all the pervs running this operation, including the International Educational Services a.ka. IES." Fin continued, swinging his left leg back and forth as he sat on her desk.

"Oh...and Liv...you won't believe this...we gotta interview Viacheslav Gavlik again and get him to spill, but according to Vinny Sollecito, Vic Gavlik and Vinny's father, Guiseppe became involved because when Anatoly first came here to go to school at Penn State, he met Natalia Conti and she fell for him. Big problem. She was the fiancé of..." Munch leaned across Elliot's desk now.

"Vincent Sollectio...his wife is Natalia..." Olivia finished for him, beginning to put things together.

"Yea...Vinny was real upset, his dad was angry that his son was hurt and went to Vic Gavlik. Threatened to have Anatoly deported and to make sure he would never set foot in the U.S. again if he did not leave Natalia alone. Anatoly refused but Natalia broke it off with him because she didn't want him getting kicked out of the country. Not to mention that her father was also a mob figure and it would disgrace the family if she married out of the confines of the mafioso. Guiseppe was set to send Anatoly packing, but Vic begged, said he would do anything to keep his son here. The elder Sollecito came up with the idea of bringing Ukranian girls here and prostituting them. Vic would be the one to set it up in the Ukraine while Guiseppe would set up things here. If he agreed, then Anatoly would be safe. Gavlik and his brother owned three bars and Guiseppe figured they would be a great front for the operation." Munch finished cleaning his glasses and put them back on.

Fin jumped in with another tidbit. "The FBI said this thing covers bars in at least three states. They are in the process of rounding up folks involved and connecting all the rest of the dots."

"Later, when Anatoly took over the management of the bars, he came up with the idea of the international educational service...that way, they got the families or the girls to pay for the airfare and initial lodging." Munch continued with the explanation.

"Great profit margin booster." Fin shook his head.

"That accounts for why Vic seemed afraid when we talked to him. He's scared of the mob. Do we know who took the pictures of me and Rhett...and who sent the others...the digitally altered ones...and what about the threats?" Olivia asked looking back and forth between Fin and Munch.

"No...that's still a loose end...maybe when Elliot gives his statement..." Fin was interrupted by the opening of Cragen's door and his beckoning.

"Just got a call from the hospital...Elliot's awake. _And_ coherent. Go get his statement. All of you...I know you want to see how he is. I've got a phone call to make and I'll be right behind you." They all sat there staring at him. "You haven't waited long enough? Get going!"

All three jumped at the same time and took off out the double doors of the precinct.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Thursday, Early Evening, July 10****th**

Olivia was flanked by Fin on her left and Munch on her right as they came down the hall to Elliot's room. Room 417. Her hands were sweating and she was getting more nervous the closer they got. Partly, because she was going to see Elliot again and was afraid that he would remember what he said to her earlier and she had no idea how to react to him. And she was just as afraid that he would _not _remember what he had said earlier. Would she find affirmation in his words to her? Or rejection? Seeing Kathy was right up there on the list of top stressors in her life, too. Well, at least this time she had Munch and Fin for back-up.

Just as they got to Elliot's room a male nurse stopped them. "Excuse me, Mr. Stabler is only allowed one visitor at a time." He smiled at them.

"Well, we are his colleagues...NYPD..." John held his shield up for him to see. "Detective John Munch. And these are Detectives Tutuola and Benson." He turned slightly and nodded at Fin and Olivia. "Dr. Tharpe called to let us know he was awake. We are here to obtain his statement about the shooting."

"Oh...well...in that case I suppose you both can go in..." He looked between the three of them, settling his gaze on Olivia. "Did he say Benson?"

"Yes...Detective Olivia Benson." She was puzzled by his questioning her.

"I'm sorry, Detective...but I've been informed that you are not allowed to visit Mr. Stabler."

Her eyes narrowed and her brows pulled together in a deep frown. "What? Why? On whose orders?"

John and Fin's heads snapped up and they stared first at her and then the nurse and then her again.

"I don't know why...I was just told you were not allowed in his room." He shrugged.

"Detective Benson is Detective Stabler's partner and an integral part of this investigation. She needs to be present when he gives his statement." Munch stepped closer to the nurse and looked down on him.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am only following orders. I can try to find Dr. Tharpe, if you'd like." He told him.

"I think that is an excellent idea." Munch agreed.

"What is going on? I was just in here a few hours ago." Olivia was very puzzled. She was playing with her watch, twisting it over and over on her wrist. She always seemed to be doing something with her hands. And especially is she were nervous or upset.

"I'm sure it's just some kind of mistake or mix-up." Fin nodded his head. He was pretty ticked off about this himself.

"Well, we're about to get to the bottom of it. Here comes Dr. Tharpe." Munch pointed toward the hallway they had just come down.

Olivia felt sick to her stomach. Even from this distance, she could tell by the look on his face, there was no mistake, no mix-up. His face was like stone. He did not smile and earlier she had gotten the distinct feeling that he liked her. He had been very friendly and helpful. But something had happened because a drastic change had taken place and it was written all over his face.

"Good evening, Detectives." He shook hands with all three of them, his face grim.

"Dr. Tharpe, what is going on? That male nurse told me I was not allowed in Elliot's room..." Olivia began.

Fin interrupted her. "Yea...they's gotta be some kind of mistake...a big mix-up or something."

The doctor's eyes exuded sympathy as he looked at Olivia and released a deep sigh.

"It's not a mistake, is it?" She whispered, biting her lower lip.

Dr. Tharpe put his hand on her arm. "No...I'm sorry..it's not a mistake or a mix-up. It is at the request of his next of kin."

"Next of kin?" Munch repeated, looking at the doctor and then Olivia.

"You mean Kathy?" Fin exclaimed.

"Yes. His wife...Kathy Stabler." Dr. Tharpe nodded.

"Why the heck would she do that? He and Liv are partners!" Fin was boiling mad now.

"She felt that Mr. Stabler became too distressed earlier at Detective Benson's presence and has requested that she no longer be allowed visitation privileges." Dr. Tharpe explained.

He turned to Olivia, who was numb with shock. "I'm sorry...there is nothing I can do about this. Once he is more cognizant, if he asks for you, then I may be able to do something. But right now my hands are tied. Oh, by the way, she said that if you tell him she has restricted Ms. Benson from visiting, then you will be restricted as well. Again, I am truly sorry." He turned and left the trio standing in the hall by Elliot's door.

Munch and Fin were looking at her, waiting for some kind of reaction from her. She was in a daze.

"Liv?" Fin called her name softly.

Tears were brimming in her eyes. Suddenly, she seemed so small, so fragile, so sad. Fin and Munch both wanted to comfort her, but they knew she would kick their butts to the turnpike and back.

"I'm okay. You guys go ahead...get his statement. I'll...I'll wait...in the car." She turned to leave.

Munch grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. "Olivia...you sure you're okay?"

"Yea...I'm...I'm okay." She managed a smile even as the tears tumbled down her face. She pulled away from him and headed down the hallway.

"I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay." She repeated under her breath as she wiped the continuous stream of tears from her face.

Her body was shaking and she barely made it back to the cruiser before the first of many sobs tore at her throat, escaping her mouth as she lost her grip on her tightly held composure.

xxxxxxxx

**A/N:**_ That #(#!&! Kathy! The woman we love to hate! The story is winding down...do you feel it? I almost hate that it is drawing to a close. You guys are something else with all your reviews and well wishes! There simply are no words to express how much each of you mean to me and how good it makes me feel to see a new review. Keep pumping me up and I'll keep turning out the words, chapters and stories! I love you guys!! " ) Bensler_

**alaricnomad **_- Is this messy enough for you?_

**ariz33 **_- You read it three, tres, trois, drei, times? I am so thrilled!_

**Zuzu1614**_ - If I have succeeded in your eyes, then I am honored. Thank you._

**EandOalways **_- I rendered you speechless? That you are speechless, has rendered me the same...almost...it's a rarity for me, as well! Fort Valley? Perry?_

**PollyRain**_ - You write the screenplay for the movie and I'll sell your rights to the book! " ) _

**Emerald Imagination / i-love-benson / **_- Come on...you know you love the kick that a cliffhanger gives...the adrenaline pumping through your body, your heart pounding, hands sweating, that sick feeling in your stomach, head pounding from the rushing blood. It's all a rush! You love it!_

**Jean38 **_- Thanks for taking time to review. Don't overlook my 'D' chapters story...I am glad you like my story enough to read as I am writing it. I'm kind of the same way...I prefer completed stories...however, I am always finding ones that get my attention and so I find myself waiting...impatiently for the next chapter(s)...hey, xoc?? Hear me??_

**xoc **_- Read the above review please. LOL! You KNOW I appreciate you, girl! Keep cranking them out!_

**Ruli**_ - You know just what to say to build me up! Thanks!_

**onetreefan**_ - And you are an amazing fan, reader and reviewer!!_


	33. Appalling

**Chapter 33 - Appalling**

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Front Parking Lot ∙ Thursday, Early Evening, July 10****th**

The air was thick with an unusual humidity for New York City. It was hot, muggy and sitting inside a vehicle with no air running made it that much more miserable. Her clothes had begun to stick to her body, her hair was plastered to her head. The fact that she was sobbing and emotionally distraught only made things worse. She finally quit crying, but the ache in her heart and the queasiness in her stomach threatened to make her lose its contents. How could she have done this? How could she have banned her from seeing him?

Olivia wiped the sweat from her forehead and face with her hands, dipping her fingers along her chest to wipe away the drops of sweat tickling as they ran between her breasts. Now that her tears had ceased and she had calmed down, she dared to open the car door for a bit of fresh air, taking deep gulps of the slightly cooler air. She pulled at her shirt trying to get some air circulating between the damp material and her body. Looking in the front seat, she found the bottle of water she had earlier still in the cup holder on the door. She opened it and took a couple of swallows. She sat sideways in the backseat, her legs out the door, feet resting on the sidewalk.

She heard footsteps and should have been cautious enough to at least turn and see who they belonged to, but she was so out of it, the sound was just noise that did not register. She was not at all in cop mode.

The familiar voice caught her off guard. "Olivia? What are you doing out here?" Cragen leaned over her, one hand on the open car door the other on the roof of it.

When she looked up at him, it was more than obvious she had been crying, and his stomach immediately tightened as he squatted to be eye level with her. He placed a hand on her knee. "What is it? Elliot...is he okay?"

She sniffled and nodded her head. "He's fine...Munch and Fin...they're getting his...his statement."

He squinted at her, unsure what to ask. "Why aren't you with them? I thought for sure you would want to see Elliot..."

His mind was already beginning to come up with reasons she was out here and the main one he thought of was Elliot woke up and remembered what he had said earlier and told her he did not mean any of it and she was hurt. Or he did not remember anything and said or did something in keeping with the way he had been treating her for the last year and upset her. Again. Either way he was sure Elliot was the cause for her sitting out here in this stifling heat and humidity. Crying.

"They wouldn't let me see him..." She started to explain as tears filled her eyes once again.

"What? Who? Munch and Fin? They can't..." Cragen started to take up for her.

"No...not them...Dr. Tharpe...he said I could not see Elliot...Kathy told...told him I was not allowed to see him because I caused him too much distress..." She quickly wiped away the tears as they fell.

"What? Why would she do that?" Even as the question crossed his lips, he knew why.

It was pure and simple. Kathy was jealous. With apparent reason, but she was crazy if she thought this was going to help her case any. When Elliot found out what she had done...well, Cragen did not want to be around when that hit the fan. He had no idea what Elliot would do, but he knew without doubt he would be enraged and the resulting reaction would be rough. Of that, he was absolutely certain.

"Come on...I'll talk with Dr. Tharpe...heck, I'll even talk to Kathy...she can't do this..." Cragen stood.

"No...no...I don't want to cause any more stress for Elliot...and Kathy's not here anyway...and maybe she's right...maybe it's better that we don't see each other...there are so many things between us...everything is so...so complicated...and he needs his energy to get better not be stressed out by me... " Olivia told him, blowing out a sharp breath.

He shook his head at her. "Olivia...not seeing you will stress him out more...you know he will be wondering where you are and ask about you and why you haven't been to see him...and when he finds out what Kathy has done...that is going to be one huge stress factor. Trust me."

"Dr. Tharpe said if anyone tells him what she said, she'll keep them from seeing him, too." She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

He shook his head. "That doesn't even make any sense, Olivia. As soon as someone tells him, he will demand to see you and anyone else he wants. I'll tell him. I don't give a flip what Kathy thinks or says or does!" He was highly perturbed now and ready to go tell Elliot right this minute.

"No! Dr. Tharpe said if he gets too stressed right now, it would not be good for the repairs they made on the arteries...he said the best thing to do would be to give him at least another 3 or 4 days and preferably a week for the repairs to mend. Captain, I don't want to do anything that would cause a setback...or worse...for Elliot. If anything happened to him...I...I... Just, please don't say anything to Kathy...please." She begged, her brown eyes reflecting the pain in her heart.

Cragen nodded and patted her shoulder. "All right. But I don't like this. I don't like it all. I'm going to go up and see him now...you know he will ask about you..."

"Just tell him...I'm thinking about him and hope he is doing better..." She trailed off as a new trail of tears made their way down her cheeks.

He nodded again. "This is appalling...simply unacceptable." He spoke more to himself than to Olivia as he turned to go into the hospital. He could not believe Kathy had done this. He wanted to tell Elliot, but he would not. For Olivia's sake, he would not go against her wishes. Besides, it was only a matter of time before Elliot found out what his wife had done.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Thursday, Early Evening, July 10****th**

He was lying against the pillow, his eyes open staring up at the ceiling. He was paler than normal, the whiteness contrasting with the dark stubble of two days growth of beard. His upper body was bare, giving medical personnel easier access to his wounded chest. His head tilted down and toward the door as he heard it creak open to reveal two of his colleagues.

"So, Snow White finally awakens. You okay, man?" Fin asked as they walked into the room.

"Elliot. Hey, man. How are you feeling?" Munch asked as he came to stand by Elliot's bedside.

"Can I lie?" Elliot extended his right hand, but Munch leaned over and gave him a hug, careful not to bump anything.

When he stood, Fin was beside him, and he too, gave Elliot a hug. As awkward as it was, he was extremely relieved he was alive. Seeing him, made Fin relive the whole night again.

"Careful, Grumpy! Don't touch the merchandise!" Elliot kidded, the grin fading from his face as he glanced toward the door.

Munch gave Fin a look and he slightly nodded in understanding. There was no doubt that Elliot was looking for Olivia. He did not waste any time asking about her.

"Where's Liv? I thought she'd be with you guys..." His eyes shifted between the two. They just looked at each other, not knowing what to say. The detective in him picked up on the fact that they were keeping something from him

Munch cleared his throat. "She...uh...couldn't make it tonight."

Before he could ask another question, Munch started talking. Hoping to get Elliot's mind off that line of questioning, he immediately began telling him every thing new they had found out pertaining to the Tarasov/Kushnir case. Fin interjected several comments as they went along.

"Well, now that you are up to speed on the case, you know we need to get your statement about the shooting." Munch told him as he pulled out a small recorder and hit the record button.

"Thursday, July 10th, 6:48 p.m. Beth Israel Hospital, Room 417. Statement of Detective Elliot Stabler, NYPD, Badge number 6313, concerning the shooting incident involving the FBI and the NYPD, 16th Precinct, Special Victims Unit, on Wednesday, July 9th, one block east of the Russian Tea Room, West 57th Street. You ready?" Munch asked.

"Yea...yea...uh...I actually am remembering a lot of it...though some of it is hazy..." Elliot told him, frowning.

"That's okay...we'll ask questions...you just answer the best you can." Munch pulled up a chair and sat down.

"Eventually, it will all come back to you, man." Fin pulled out a note pad and pen.

"Let's start at the end of the meeting...before you and..." Munch paused, looking at Elliot and realizing he did not know Matt had died. "...before you and Matt stayed for drinks. Was there anything unusual that was said or that happened that led you to believe they made you?"

"No...not really..." Elliot answered.

"I've lost count of how many times we've listened to the audio of the meeting...nothing unusual that we could tell was said, either." Munch tapped the note pad with the pen.

"Whatcha mean 'not really'? Fin frowned, looking closely at Elliot.

Elliot turned to look at Fin and then past him as the memory flooded back. "Uh...Mona...she...she kept looking at me funny...just like she did at the first meeting..."

"Funny? Funny how?" Fin asked.

"Staring...at first I thought she was...you know...interested in me...she asked me some questions the first meeting...I didn't know who she was then...just Mona..." Elliot rubbed his face with his right hand.

"What kind of questions did she ask you?" Munch inquired, leaning forward in his chair.

"She asked me if I'd ever been to Sasha's Bar...I told her no and then she asked if I'd been to Ivan's Bar. I...uh...told her no...I was from Chicago." He explained.

"Okay...so what happened last night? I mean, what did she do?" Munch continued his questioning of Elliot.

"She kept looking at me...and then I saw her go to Paul and say something to him...then he looked at me really quick like she had told him something he didn't like." He paused, thinking. "Then...I don't know...about ten or fifteen minutes later, I saw Paul talking to Gavlik ...he looked over at me, too. He was frowning. I don't know how she could have made us...but I thought she was suspicious and I managed to tell Matt."

"You sure you never saw her before these meetings?" Fin stopped writing a looked at Elliot.

"Yea...I mean, I never saw her in person...I saw her in the video tapes...but she wasn't dressed up like she was for these meetings...didn't even look like the same woman...didn't recognize her until Gavlik said her last name at the second meeting." He shook his head.

"Okay...so you are pretty sure she was suspicious of you for some reason...so what happened after that?" Munch peered at him over his glasses that had slid down to the end of his nose.

"Matt and I had a drink...talked about Mona and the way she was acting...we decided it must be okay because they signed all the paperwork and it seemed to go well..." Elliot stared into space. "We...headed out and when we got to the alleyway, two guys grabbed us...I thought we were being mugged and started to fight back...but then I saw Gavlik and realized it was Boris and Luka that had us...and they had rifles jammed in our guts. Then I heard Dean yell 'FBI freeze' and all hell broke loose. I...uh...I tried to jumped behind a dumpster...but...well...I was too slow." He nodded to his leg and put his right hand over his chest.

"All right...is there anything else you can think of, Elliot?" Munch squinted at him.

"No..." He shook his head. A scene began playing out before him in his mind. Elliot suddenly remembered something. "Wait! Yea...Matt...I saw him get shot...how is he doing?"

Munch and Fin exchanged looks. Neither wanted to be the bearer of bad news. Elliot did not miss their exchange and immediately knew the news was not good. He felt his breathing becoming more difficult and his heart beginning to beat faster.

"Tell me! What about Matt?" His eyes widened in fear and he was clearly getting upset and agitated.

Munch stood and leaned against the bed railing close to Elliot. He leaned over and quietly spoke. "Matt didn't make it, Elliot. I'm sorry."

Elliot's mouth open and then closed. He tried to speak but there were no words. He bit his lower lip and then ran his tongue across it. His hands shook as he brought them up to his head, running them over it, down to his neck and then over and down his face.

"No...no." He felt tears burning his eyes. His breathing was hard, coming in short, rapid bursts. "The others...are they okay? God, please tell me they are all okay!" He demanded, his eyes flitting wildly from Munch to Fin and back again.

"Dean was shot in the shoulder...released from the hospital this afternoon. Dave was killed and so was...so was..." Fin could not bring himself to say that Lake was dead. Fin's partner. Lake was dead. He felt tears welling in his own eyes...and Fin never cried.

Munch realized Fin was in trouble, so he took over for him. "Elliot...Chester's gone, too."

Elliot stared at him as though he did not understand what he had said. Then he began shaking his head back and forth, slowly at first, but then rapidly. "No! No! How could this have happened? Not Lake! Not Matt and Dave!" Tears fell freely now and he covered his face with his right hand as his shoulders shook with his sobs.

Munch put a hand on his shoulder trying to calm him down. This could not be good for him, Munch thought. This additional emotional trauma was way too much when he had already undergone so much with his physical injuries. Unexpectedly, Elliot's head snapped up, a look of what could only be described as sheer terror spread across his face, his eyes hollow. He sat straight up, tears streaming down his face, grabbed Munch by the lapels of his jacket and pulled him close.

"She's...she's dead, too...isn't she? That's why she's not here...that's why you said she couldn't be here tonight! Oh, my God! Olivia! Olivia! I thought I dreamed it! Olivia!! Liv! Liv! Olllliiiviiiaaa!" His sobs were heart breaking, gut wrenching. He buried his face in Munch's chest. "Olivia!" Though his cries and screams of her name were muffled, they still tore at Munch and Fin's insides.

"No! Elliot! Olivia is fine...she's fine! I promise you!" Munch tried to console him but either he would not or could not hear the words.

Elliot was still calling for her as his breathing became heavier, more labored and his now irregular heart beat caused the monitor to fill the room with wild, erratic beeps.

"Elliot, Olivia is okay...she was in the surveillance van...she ain't hurt man! She ain't hurt!" Fin, alarmed at Elliot's reaction, tried to reassure him, too, but he did not hear him either.

The door to the room burst open as Dr. Tharpe, an intern, a nurse and a technician with a defibrillator on wheels came rushing to Elliot's bedside. Fin quickly stepped back to get out of the way. But, Elliot was still clinging tightly to Munch and he could not move.

"You need to leave the room, please." Dr. Tharpe told them, firmly, professionally, yet his anger was quite apparent.

Dr. Tharpe and one of the nurses literally peeled the sobbing Elliot from Munch, as the intern injected a syringe of something into his I.V. Almost as soon as he removed the syringe, Olivia's name being called out became mere whispers as the medication took effect on Elliot, bringing calmness once again. As they laid him back on the bed, blood could be seen seeping through the bandage on his chest. At this moment, another person stepped into the room.

Shocked at what he saw going on, Cragen froze at the door way, a deep frown creasing his face. "What happened? Is he okay?"

Munch and Fin stared at their Captain. He glared back until one of them finally answered. "He...he...thinks Olivia is dead." Munch said quietly.

Cragen slowly shook his head

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Dr. Tharpe's Office ∙ Friday Morning, July 11****th**

"Mrs. Stabler, I really think you need re-evaluate these stipulations." Dr. Tharpe, rubbed his tired eyes, gritty from lack of sleep.

He had been up most of the night because Elliot had to undergo surgery again and he wanted to keep a close eye on him. A couple of the sutures on the repair of the anterior wall of the left pulmonary artery had pulled away. Dr. Tharpe, was certain it was because of the intense emotional stress he had undergone when he heard about his fallen comrades and his unwavering belief that his partner, Olivia Benson, had also died. No matter what he said to Kathy Stabler, she would not budge in her insistence that Olivia not be allowed to see him. And now, she had added the entire Special Victims Unit along with the NYPD to the list.

"I don't need to re-evaluate anything, Dr. Tharpe. You, yourself, told me that this happened because of what Munch and Fin told him. I don't want any of them near him." She was firm in her decision.

"Before we put your wishes into play, please...let him see Detective Benson...just long enough that he knows she is alive and well." The doctor pleaded with her.

"I stand by my earlier decision on this." Her blue eyes narrowed as she looked at him.

"You know, your husband will recover and one day he will know what you have done...do you think that will go without consequence? I mean, what are you hoping to accomplish by all of this." He was genuinely confused about her motives.

"I am trying to protect my husband so he can get well!" She snapped.

"Look...Mrs. Stabler...I don't know what is going on here...I have never met any of you until the other night...but, it is more than apparent that your husband and his partner care deeply for one another. It is my professional, medical opinion that Mr. Stabler's emotional well being and thus his physical healing would benefit greatly from simply knowing that Ms. Benson has not been harmed. Please reconsider your stance."

"I do not want that woman near my husband. If you have a problem with this, then I would be happy to request another doctor. Or transfer my husband to another hospital." She glared at him.

"As you wish, Mrs. Stabler. However, I want you to know that in my twenty-seven years as a doctor, I do not believe I have ever seen a more appalling action than this." He stood up and opened the door to his office, his silent way of kicking her out.

When she was gone, Dr. Tharpe sat down at his desk and laid his head across his folded arms. He could not remember ever seeing anyone so cold hearted. All it would take would be for Mr. Stabler to see Ms. Benson, just for a minute, just long enough to see she was okay. If she continued to refuse, he saw no other way to protect his patient but to keep him in a medically induced coma for several days. That would give him time for the repairs to heal properly. Then he could deal with the emotional stress that awaited him. He hoped Mrs. Stabler's reason was because she truly thought she was protecting her husband, but he feared that it was the oldest, most basic reason of all...jealousy.

**SVU Squad Room ∙ Friday Morning, July 11****th**

Munch, Fin and Olivia had returned from the FBI field office about ten minutes ago. The two agencies had been comparing notes and reports on the incident Wednesday night as well as compiling every thing on the case to get it in order to present to the U. S. Attorney's Office. Since Benson and Tutuola were the ones who had originally linked Mona and the Sollecitos to the case, the Feds deferred the interrogation of her as well Paul Sollecito and a seemingly new player in the mix-up, Rob Sollecito, to the SVU. The Bureau had already debriefed Agents Porter and McDougall and interrogated Luka, Boris, Natalia and several other persons involved.

Now, Olivia and Fin gathered up the reports from the first interviews and notes on the case before heading out to Sealview women's prison to talk to Mona. Olivia was glad to have something to concentrate on and think about other than Elliot. She wanted to see him so much, it hurt physically to think about not being able to do so.Munch was working some loose ends on the financial aspect of the case and would stay behind to field any incoming calls.

Cragen had been in his office on the phone when they returned and now his raised voice could be heard although most of the words were unintelligible. A glance through the open blinds revealed an extremely irate Captain. He was standing at this desk, phone cord tangled around his hand, his bald head was red and the veins in his neck and forehead pulsated in anger. A frown deeply etched his already wrinkled face. Without warning, he slammed the desk phone receiver down so hard it bounced back onto his desk. He grabbed it and slammed it down again, this time keeping his hand over it for a moment to hold it in place. Then he leaned over his desk, his arms rigid as his hands gripped the edges of the desk top.

The crew watched in shock, curious as to what had Cragen so riled up and showing it. He was not immune to angry outbursts, but they were few and far between and more often than not directed toward his detectives. Finally, he straightened and headed for the door. Jerking it open, he called to them.

"Olivia! Fin! Munch! Need you in here. Now!" He barked.

They scrambled to get to the office, unwilling to risk anymore of his wrath upon them that what he already seemed to have in store for them. Olivia came in first, wide eyed and nervously pushing her bangs from her face. Fin kept shooting her looks but she was afraid to even look at him. Munch was Munch. Cool, collected and apparently the least fazed by Cragen's anger. They all stood and Cragen did not ask them to be seated. He would keep this short so he could cool off.

"I trust that the statement you got from Elliot last night was as complete as it could possibly be..." He asked, shifting his gaze between Fin and Munch.

"Yes, Sir. Got it all written down and Munch recorded it. Why?" The frown on Fin's face seemed permanent.

"What's going on, Captain?" Munch stood with his hands clasped behind his back, rocking on the balls of his feet.

Cragen looked from him to Olivia. When she met his eyes, he looked away. "After we left Elliot last night, they could not get his chest wound to quit bleeding. He ended up in surgery again..." Olivia gasped, Cragen paused and they all looked at her. Fin put his hand on her back and patted her. John wrapped his hand around her arm.

"He's fine now. Some of the stitches pulled loose from one of the repairs in the pulmonary artery. Anyway, that was Kathy on the phone. Dr. Tharpe said that last night's emotional stress was the reason the repair failed. Kathy is blaming us and is now refusing anyone from the NYPD and especially the SVU access to Elliot. She also told me that Dr. Tharpe has put Elliot in a medically induced coma for the next several days in order to give his body time to heal." Cragen's voice was fully of fury as he explained this latest development to his people.

Olivia just stood there, speechless. "I need you to concentrate on getting this case wrapped up. I'm sure when Elliot is better, this situation will be rectified. And when it is, I would not want to be in Kathy Stabler's shoes...although a ringside seat would suit me just fine! He spat out. "Dismissed." He sat down at his desk, rubbing his temples with his hands.

The detectives filed out of his office and headed out to do the job awaiting them.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Tuesday Morning, July 15****th**

Tomorrow would be a week since the shooting. Maureen was sitting with Elliot. Kathleen would be in after lunch. She watched her Dad, thinking again how fortunate she was, they all were, to still have him with them. Last night, Dr. Tharpe had stopped the medicine that was keeping him in a coma and told them that he should start coming out of it by morning. He had already been stirring some and had even opened his eyes a few times, but it was as though they were not really seeing anything. He also tried to talk, but said nothing that could be understood.

Maureen had a lot of time to think while sitting here. She did some reading and even tried to finish a paper for her summer psych class using her laptop. But, thoughts kept interrupting her. Her Grandma and Aunt Emily had been there most of Sunday and Uncle Joey and Aunt Erin had been there at different times on Saturday. She, Kathleen and their mother had been taking turns as well. There was really no need for all of them to be there at the same time.

Something nagged at her in the back of her mind. In all the time she had been up here in the last several days, not one person from her Dad's work had been up there to see him. In particular, Olivia had not been up there and Maureen was truly puzzled over that because she knew there was no way Olivia would not be there for her Dad. She knew what she had seen between them and she knew Olivia would want to be with her Dad. And her Dad would want her there. Of that she had absolutely no doubt. She wondered was it just because he was in a coma. No. She would have been there no matter what. Something was not right. She just felt it. She even mentioned it to her Mom, but Kathy had shrugged it off, telling her they must be really busy trying to figure out the case and make sure every one involved was caught.

Maureen sighed, stood up from the chair where she had been keeping vigil over her father, and stretched, groaning as she did so. She walked to the window and leaned on the sill, staring out at the beautiful blue skies, watching people leave and enter the parking lot and hospital. Behind her she heard movement and when she turned, she looked straight into the blue eyes of her father, staring at her. He smiled, his really big smile and held his right hand out to her.

"Come here, baby." He spoke quietly, his voice gravelly sounding from days of no use.

"Daddy..." She ran to his side and he enveloped her in a tight hug.

"Oh, Daddy, I am so glad you are okay..." Maureen started crying.

"I know...I love you, baby." He stroked her long blond hair and held her as close as he could.

"I love you, too. How are you feeling? Do you hurt much?" She asked through her sniffles as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Okay...tired...my leg aches some and a my chest is sore...but not really hurting." He smiled at her and tried to sit up a little. "Raise the bed up some, okay."

She hit a couple of buttons and raised him up slowly. "That's good. Thanks."

He looked around the room and noticed the dry erase board on the wall in front of his bed directly in his line of vision. Tuesday, July 15th. He frowned and Maureen noticed the puzzled look on his face.

"What is it, Dad? What's wrong?" She looked in the direction he was looking but did not see anything odd or out of place.

"The board...is that right?" He asked, looking at her with narrowed eyes.

"What do you mean?" Now she was the puzzled one.

"The date...is it right? The last I remember it was Thursday...what happened to Friday through today?" He looked at her, the frown deepening.

"Oh...that...the doctor had to put you in a coma so you would have time to heal." She told him.

"Why? I don't understand..." He trailed off, his eyes searching hers for answers.

She really was not positive about all the reasons, but she did know he had been upset about the deaths of his colleagues and she did not want to remind him of that. She did _not_ know he thought Olivia had died.

"I don't really know, Dad. You want me to see if I can find Dr. Tharpe?" She thought it would be much better for the doctor to relay any bad news.

Elliot did not answer her. He was staring into space, locked into another world. She noticed the heart monitor starting to beat faster and the numbers flashing and going crazy on the other machines. The memories came crashing into him, throwing him off kilter, ripping his heart. He remembered Lake was dead. Matt was dead. Dave, too. Then he remembered Munch telling him Liv could not be there. Maureen watched as the emotions played over his face and her father began crying, extremely distressed.

"She's dead...that's why he did it...she's dead. No. No. No! No! Oh, dear God, what am I going to do? Olivia! No! Please, please! Maur, I gotta get out of here!" Tears ran down his face and he pulled at the tape and tubing of the I.V. attempting to free his arm of it.

"No! Daddy! No, you can't do this!" She put her hand over his, trying to keep him from ripping it out. He still managed to pull it out and blood spurted from the site. She looked for the nurse call button and got a visual on it but was afraid to let go of him long enough to press it.

Medical personnel were already on their way to Elliot's room, but Maureen could not know that and she began to scream for help.

"Someone help me!! I need help! Please! Hurry! I need help!!" She begged for someone, anyone to help her Dad before he did something really bad.

Once again Dr. Tharpe and his entourage made their way to Elliot Stabler's room. Once again they had to sedate him. And once again he was told that Mr. Stabler thought his partner was dead.

Maureen looked on, worried about her Dad. After Elliot was taken care of, the I.V. reattached, the wound checked, Dr. Tharpe finally turned to her.

"What on earth happened?" He realized his tone was harsh as her eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry...we have had a time with your Dad. Can you please tell me what happened?

"He woke up and saw the board with the date and wanted to know what had happened to the other days. I told him you had him in a coma...then it was like he remembered something. And all of a sudden he was pulling at his I.V. and screaming for Olivia. I think he thinks she is dead..." She trailed off, looking up at the doctor.

He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. "He does. He _does_ think she is dead and that is a big part of why I had to induce the coma."

"Why? Just get Liv to come see him...that's all it would take...he just needs to see her. That's all. They are really close. Do you know why hasn't she been here?" She could not understand what the big deal was. Let her Dad see Liv and every thing would be fine.

The doctor just stared into her big, blue eyes, eyes just like her father's. He could not tell her. He slowly shook his head. "No...I don't know why...maybe you should ask your mother." He turned and left the room.

**SVU Squad Room ∙ Tuesday Afternoon, July 15****th**

Cragen stood at the door of his office taking in the actions of his crew. John was leaning back in his chair, the phone receiver glued to his ear. Every now and then he would lean forward and write something on a pad. Fin was typing away on the computer, engrossed in what was on the screen. Olivia stood at her desk, her back to him, picking up first one folder, then another, apparently searching for something in particular.

Cragen was very concerned about her. She had lost weight in this last week...he guessed at least ten pounds and maybe even fifteen. A good bit for someone who really did not need to lose any. He knew she was not eating and he knew he was not the only one worried about that fact. Nearly every morning Munch or Fin would bring her a bagel or an egg biscuit and at lunch a sandwich or a salad would appear on her desk. More often than not they remained unopened and untouched. When she did try to eat, it was only a bite or two.

The deep, dark circles under eyes told him she was not sleeping either. Not much, anyway. She tried to hide it from him, but he knew she was not going home at night. She had been sleeping in the crib, if at all. He also knew she had gone up the hospital at least twice and just sat on a bench outside. He knew this because the captain from the 24th had visited a family member in the hospital and he saw Olivia sitting outside two different nights. Cragen knew it was her way of being as close to Elliot as she could. His heart broke for her. And Elliot. She had not mentioned him nor asked about him since the day they found out that none of the them would be allowed to see him. Neither had she said anything about Rhett. He wondered about that situation and what would happen when Elliot found out what Kathy had done. When he retired, he thought he might very well write a book about all of this. It would surely be a best seller.

He started toward Olivia to talk with her a minute. See how she was holding up. When he was near Fin's desk, Fin looked up and called him over to show him something on the computer.

Pausing in the doorway of the squad room, she looked around. There was the person she was looking for standing at her desk going through files or reports or something. She was shocked at her appearance. It had only been ten days since she saw her at the lake and a week since the shooting and seeing her at the hospital. Then, she had been tanned and healthy looking, happy, content, well rested. Now, the tan had nearly faded and her face was thinner, much thinner. Making her eyes look huge. She had lost weight. Too much weight. The dark circles under her eyes were evidence of the exhaustion that gripped her body. She wondered when was the last time she really slept. Or ate. She almost felt sorry for her. Almost. But she had hurt her Dad and she was angry.

From the corner of his eye, Cragen saw someone appear and stop in the doorway, looking around. He paid no attention until the figure began to move and neared Olivia. He looked up and did a double take when he realized who had come to see her. She walked slowly, almost reluctantly to stand just to Olivia's left side near her desk. Olivia looked up, dropping the folder in her hands, startled by the young woman standing before her.

"Maureen...?" The startled looked quickly gave way to fear as Olivia reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Something happened! Is he okay? Please...tell me! Is he okay?" Her voice was shaky as she pleaded with Elliot's daughter for reassurance.

It only took seconds. Only a second for her stomach to hit the floor, her heart to begin racing, the blood to rush to her head. It must be bad news if Maureen had come here to find her. If she had not been holding onto Maureen, she thought she would have collapsed in the floor.

"Like you care." Maureen's words were laced with venomous sarcasm as anger coursed through her being.

"Excuse me?" Olivia flinched as though Maureen had physically struck her. Her hands dropped from Maureen's should and down to her side.

"I said 'like you care'! And there is _no_ excuse! You haven't even been to see him! You expect me to believe you care how he is doing when you can't even find time to come see him?" The words rolled loudly off her tongue in a fury that was familiar to Olivia. It was clear that Maureen had her father's temper.

"Maureen...please...I...I...wanted...to...come...I really..." Olivia ran her hands through her hair and looked over at Fin, Munch and Cragen who had all come to stand closer to her.

"He thinks you are dead!" She hollered, stepping closer to Olivia.

"I...I know...but there's nothing that I..." She tried to explain.

She whirled completely around, her eyes huge with disbelief. "You _know_? You _know_ he thinks you are dead and still you have not come to see him? I don't believe this! I...I...thought you cared about him! I thought you...you...that you..." Maureen paused, glancing at the three men and thought better of what she had planned to say. "Why? If you knew he thought you were dead, why haven't you come to him Olivia? Why did you let him keep believing that? He was calling...no...screaming for you...crying that you were dead and he didn't know what to do. Don't you know he needs you? How could you do this to him? How could you hurt him like this, Olivia!" Tears found their way down her face.

"Maureen...please..." Olivia's tears trailed down her face as well, she held her hands out to Maureen, but she swatted them away.

Fin could take it no longer. He could not just stand here and watch Maureen lay into Olivia for something that was not her fault. What Kathy had done was appalling and it was past time for her suffer her consequences! He stepped toward Olivia, putting his arm around her, pulling her into a quick hug. He released her and then got right up into Maureen's face and looked her straight in the eyes.

"This ain't Liv's fault. She spent nearly eighteen straight hours by your Dad's side, not eatin', not sleepin'. Look at 'er. She still ain't eatin' or sleepin' right! And it's because of your Dad! She'd be there with your him right now if she could..." Fin snapped at her.

"Fin...no, don't. Please." Olivia begged him, stepping up to pull on his arm.

He jerked free and turned to Olivia. "No...she's a big girl, Olivia. She needs to know. It's only a matter of time before everyone knows anyway."

He turned back to Maureen. "You wanna know why she ain't been up there...why _none _of us from the SVU _or_ the NYPD been up there? You need to ask your momma why!" He turned and stomped back to his desk, snatching the chair out and falling into it roughly.

Maureen stared at his retreating back, her mind thinking back to what Dr. Tharpe had said...'maybe you should ask your mother'. And now, Fin had told her the same thing. That was exactly what she intended to do.

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A/N: I hope this chapter is well received...I hope it is as good as you guys seem to think the others were. I was determined to finish it tonight even though I am exhausted. It's late and I'm sorry, but I don't have time to comment individually on reviews this time if I am going to post it tonight...this morning... although I surely hope that does not keep you from reviewing...pretty please..sugar on top...I really have to go to bed now. You guys truly are an awesome group! Wish we could all go for a girls' night out and talk SVU the whole night! " ) Bensler

P.S. Well, this is simply 'appalling'! I go to add the chapter and the site is down! I could have gone to bed at semi-decent hour!! Such is the stuff of life! " ( Bensler


	34. Apology

**Chapter 34 - Apology**

**Stabler Residence ∙ Tuesday, Late Afternoon, July 15****th**

"Mom?" The young woman called out, as she walked through the house. Kathy's van was in the drive, so she knew she was home.

The smell of something cooking wafted through the air. "Mom?" The house had that empty feel. She wondered where everyone was and why the stove had been left on.

Then she noticed the basement door was open and heard footsteps and the creaking of the stairs.Kathy appeared with a bottle of wine and closed the door behind her.

"Oh, hey, honey. I didn't hear you come in." She smiled as she held up the wine. "Homemade spaghetti sauce recipe calls for a cup of wine."

"Hey, Mom. Where is everybody?" Maureen asked, sitting down at the breakfast table.

"Oh...let's see...Dickie took Eli down to the park and Lizzie is babysitting the Fuller kids. And Kathleen should be at the hospital..."

After leaving the precinct, Maureen had gone back to the hospital and insisted on talking with Dr. Tharpe. It was a futile encounter. He refused to say anything other than she should ask her mother why no one from the NYPD had been to see her father. She checked on her Dad. He was awake again. This time he was more subdued than previously, the medication still affecting him. And because he was grief stricken...at least that was Maureen's take on it. He told Maureen that Olivia had died. She told him she was fine. He told that if she were fine she would have been there to see him.

She spoke with Kathleen briefly and she told Maureen that they had been over and over the fact that Olivia was alive and well. He simply did not believe it. Kathleen had no idea what Dr. Tharpe was talking about either and she, too, had wondered why no one from work had been to see him. Especially, Olivia. She wanted to just call her and ask her to come up but Maureen told her to wait until she talked with their Mom.

"I know where Kathleen is...she took over for me. By the way, Daddy is awake again." Maureen's voice was terse, edged with anger. Kathy shot her a look that told her to reel it in.

"Oh...why didn't she call me...how is he? I'll get this going and head up there." She opened the wine bottle.

"Not good." She saw her mother freeze. "He think's Liv is dead."

Kathy's voice was tight, forced when she spoke. "Oh, really? I guess that medication is playing tricks with his mind."

She watched as Kathy measured the wine and stirred it into the simmering sauce. "You want a taste? It's really good."

Maureen shook her head. She could not believe her mother just passed this off like it were nothing. Her Dad thought his partner of nine years was dead and her Mom just brushed it off. Kathy wiped her hands on a towel hanging from the oven handle and leaned against the counter next to the stove.

"So, what brings you by this afternoon?" Kathy faced her oldest daughter.

Maureen's gaze fell away and she fidgeted with the napkin holder on the table. Kathy watched her quietly for a moment. Then came and sat across from her. She placed her left hand over Maureen's right.

"What's wrong, honey?" She tried to get Maureen to look at her, but she kept her eyes averted.

Pulling her hand away, Maureen stood and twisted a strand of long blond hair around her index finger. "Why hasn't Liv been to see Daddy?" Now her blue eyes burned into her mother's.

Kathy, completely blind sided by the question, opened her mouth but words failed her. She shook her head slightly and tried desperately to regain control of her voice. She took a deep breath and tried to smile at Maureen.

"I don't know...maybe she's been busy with the case or..." Kathy shrugged, unable to hold her daughter's cold stare.

"No! She would never be too busy to see about Dad! No way! They've been partners too long! And even if she were busy, she would find time to visit. So, is the entire SVU and NYPD too busy, too? Mom, what is going on?" She demanded, her voice teetering on yelling.

"Maureen..." Kathy knew she was going to have to tell her what she had done. She knew it would not be well received.

"Mom! What? Tell me!" She was annoyed with her mother's reticence.

Kathy took a deep breath before beginning her explanation. "When your father first came to, he kept asking for Olivia. He was extremely upset. Dr. Tharpe said he was not fully awake and he and Cragen think he somehow got the events of the shooting confused...that he thought he and Olivia had been on a case...not that he was undercover...and believed she had been injured or killed. Oh, Maureen...he was so distraught and when he saw her...it was just too much on him...his breathing and heart rate and blood pressure...Dr. Tharpe said it wasn't good from him to get that stressed out..I...I...didn't want anything to happen to him...so I asked Dr. Tharpe to not allow her to visit him until he was better..." Kathy watched Maureen closely, trying to prepare for her reaction, whatever it may be.

Maureen stared at her mother as though she had grown two extra heads. She walked over to her and leaned over her. "Are you insane? That is the worst thing you could do to Daddy! _And_ Olivia! How could you do this, Mother? How? And you just let him keep believing she is dead! I don't get you! Not at all!" She was definitely yelling now and her blue eyes had turned midnight, stormy just like Elliot's did in anger. "They _need_ to see each other and you owe Daddy and Olivia an apology!"

Kathy leaned back, not in fear, but to be able to look into her eyes a little better. "Maureen, I only did what I thought was best for your Dad. That's all."

Maureen snorted and rolled her eyes. "Well...that just proves what you scream and holler about to him all the time...you _really_ don't know him anymore. If you did, you'd know this was the absolute _worst _thing you could do to him." Maureen turned to leave. She stopped in the entrance way between the kitchen and the hall and looked back at her mother, still sitting at the table. "_And_ your marriage."

The echo of the slamming front door reverberated throughout the house and Kathy's heart. Without a doubt, she knew her daughter's words were true. And she really was not sure why she had done what she did. She realized their marriage was over a long time ago. Even before he came back because of Eli. This last year had only reinforced the knowledge that it was over between them and that the bond between Elliot and Olivia, though it had changed, it was still strong. Perhaps even stronger than before in some ways. If this last year wasn't enough evidence, then surely Elliot's declarations of love and pleadings that she not marry Rhett, were. Maybe keeping Olivia from him, was her way of forcing Elliot to make the first move this time. The move that would finally bring to a close their troubled relationship and dead marriage. She crossed her arms on the table and laid her head down as the tears began to fall.

**Benson Residence ∙ Tuesday Night, July 15****th**

The day had been long and exceptionally draining and stressful for Olivia. Her mental and emotional status, already fragile from the interactions between she and Elliot, not to mention Rhett's departure, had very nearly been dismantled by everything that had happened in the last week. Her physical well being was also in disrepair, and she knew she needed to take care of herself. If for no other reason than for Elliot. He needed her. She knew eventually she would get to see him. Kathy could only hold them at bay for so long.

In reality, she could not legally keep them from seeing him, especially not the police. They were simply deferring to her wishes in order to keep the peace and avoid more stress for Elliot that arguments and dissension would cause. But, it had been five days since she had seen him. Five days since he held her, since she touched him and knew he was going to be all right. Five days of worrying about him. Five days since she heard his voice, heard his words of love, words telling her she could not marry Rhett. This was her biggest stressor by far. Not seeing him. Of course, the fact that Kathy was the reason neither she nor any of the SVU could see Elliot, was another huge stress factor. If Rhett were here, he'd make Kathy let her see Elliot. Rhett.

Rolling her head from side to side, proved to be a vain attempt at releasing the tension in her neck and shoulders. If Rhett were here and he saw how upset she was about not seeing Elliot...he would realize she was not eating or sleeping because she was so distressed over his injuries, not seeing him, what Kathy had done...he would question her feelings for him and for Elliot. She would not be able to blame him because she had been doing that very thing for days now. She _did_ love Rhett, but was it really enough? She had barely even thought about him, much less missed him since the shooting. And she was going to _marry_ him? What did that say about her and her commitment to him? She knew what it said and she really did not want to think about that right now. Taking a cue from Scarlett O'Hara, she decided she would 'think about that tomorrow'.

Her mind carried her back to the weekend. Saturday afternoon had been Dave Smythe's funeral. His young teenage sons were on either side of their mother, trying so hard to be strong for her. As the casket was lowered, all three began sobbing. It was tough, especially seeing his family so torn apart. Olivia went straight home, drank some wine and went to bed for the rest of the day and evening. Matt Cerek's funeral was Sunday afternoon and when Olivia saw his very pregnant wife, she lost it. Dean was on one side of her, Cragen on the other. Had it not been for them, she would have collapsed. Dean could not do much with one arm, but Cragen steadied her and she turned to bury her face in his chest, sobbing. Barely, regaining her composure, she lost it completely when Matt's three and half year old daughter screamed 'don't throw dirt on my, Daddy!' That night, sleep was merely an elusion for Olivia.

Chester's sister and her husband had spent Saturday and Sunday packing his apartment. Then yesterday morning, Monday, they held a memorial service for Detective Chester Lake. The squad had attended together and then accompanied his sister and her husband to the airport. They were taking him home to Oklahoma to be buried. Olivia remembered how her heart ached as she watched the flag draped coffin taken from the hearse and wheeled up the ramp of the airplane. She stood silently, having said her goodbyes to Ches earlier that morning, arriving at the funeral home to see him one last time and 'talk' to him before anyone else had arrived. This was an enormous loss for all of them, but especially for Olivia. She had never lost a co-worker in the line of duty.

Yes, she had seen FBI Agent Lauren Cooper put a gun to her head and pull the trigger, but she had only worked with her a short time. It was not the like she had seen her nearly everyday, ten to fourteen hours a day, for a year. It was not like they were friends. Cragen, Fin and Munch had all lost partners at some point in their careers, so they were not new to this though it didn't make it easier, but they did seem to be coping much better than she. In the end, she knew she would survive and go on. Then her mind turned to Elliot. She could not quit thinking that it could have so easily been Elliot to whom she was saying goodbye. She had come so perilously close to losing him and she would _not_ survive that loss. She would _not_ be able to go on...not without Elliot.

Sighing, she poured another glass of wine. Turning the long stemmed goblet between her fingers, she slowly shook it in a circle, watching as the deep, red liquid nearly sloshed over the confines of the glass. How many did this make, she wondered? She glanced at the empty bottle standing next to the nearly empty bottle she had just returned to its place on the magazine table in front of her. She had opened the first bottle after Dave's funeral, so at least a glass was missing from it, before she started drinking tonight. Judging from the little bit left in the second bottle, this had to be her fourth, maybe fifth glass. No wonder she had a good buzz going. She had not eaten anything all day except for two bites of the blueberry bagel Munch brought her this morning, so her empty stomach only added to the effect of the alcohol. After taking a sip, she put the glass on the end table to her right.

She had been sitting curled into the corner of her couch, and now she stretched her legs out and propped her bare feet on the table. She flexed her toes and leaned back reaching her hands into the air, stretching her arms and yawning. She turned her watch over to see the time. Six fifty-two. Not late at all, but she was exhausted. Just as she had decided to lay down on the couch, the chirping of her cell phone demanded her attention. Glancing at an out of the area number she did not recognize, she ignored the call figuring it was a wrong number and when they got her voice mail they would realize that and not call back. Instead, a minute later, she heard the sound that signaled a message had been left.

Opening the phone, she hit the voice mail button and waited. 'You have one unheard message...' the irritating recorded voice started. She hit the sequence of buttons to skip to the actual message. 'Olivia, dear? I'm coming to see Sonny tomorrow and I was wondering if you would have some free time to meet me for lunch or even just coffee. Please, let me know.' There was a short pause. 'Oh...I'm sorry...this is Marie...Marie Stabler. Good night.' Olivia pulled the phone away and stared at it. Marie? Elliot's Mom? And Rhett's. What could she want? How did she get my cell number? She highlighted the last number and hit send. While it was ringing, she gulped nearly half of the glass of wine she had just poured.

"Olivia...I'm surprised to hear from you." Marie's soft voice answered.

Olivia raised her left eyebrow. Surprised? She called _me_! "Uh...well...I just...just got your message..."

She laughed. "I didn't think you would call me back."

"Why wouldn't I?" Olivia's puzzlement was clear in her voice.

"Well, because of...well, everything that has happened...I don't know..." Marie paused. "So, will you be able to meet me tomorrow? I'll be there by around nine-thirty...but I have some things to attend to first. Would you like to have lunch?"

Olivia was a bit confused, and the thought of food made her nauseous, but she wanted to know what Marie wanted. "Yes...unless you have somewhere in mind, there's a café, Adrianna's, three blocks to the west of the hospital... I can pick you up..."

"Oh...no...I'll meet you there...say around noon?"

"Sounds good."

"We'll talk tomorrow. Bye, Olivia."

"Bye, Marie."

Holding the cell phone in her hand, she flipped it end over end, lost in the thought of what Marie could possibly want to talk to her about. She decided that perhaps, she just wanted to see how she was doing with Rhett gone and now all of this with Elliot. He was her partner, after all. Or maybe she wanted to know more details about the undercover operation and the case. She needed to quit analyzing everything and everyone and just go with the flow. She stretched and decided she would take advantage of the buzz she had and go sleep it off. She downed the rest of the wine and was about to clean up her mess, when the downstairs buzzer went off.

An involuntary groan escaped. Who in the world could that be, she wondered? The only people who ever showed up unannounced were Rhett and Elliot and it could not be either of them. Standing up, the blood, or rather the alcohol, rushed to her head and she found she was very unsteady on her feet. It took a bit longer to cross the room than normal. Leaning her forehead on the intercom, an attempt to steady herself, she pressed the button.

"Yes?" She closed her eyes.

"Liv?" The familiar voice sounded unsure, small.

Her eyes popped open and she bit her lower lip. "Maureen..."

"Can I...come up?" She asked somewhat timidly.

"Yea...sure." Olivia pressed the release button to let her into the building.

She would have made a quick sweep of the apartment, picking up things and maybe combed her hair...if she wasn't on the way to being plastered. As it were, she would do good to remain upright long enough to open the door and show her in.

She made her way to the door and leaned against it, waiting. A soft knock announced Maureen's arrival. She opened the door to find Maureen looking as though she had been crying.

Instantly alarmed, Olivia reached out for her, touching her arm. "Is he okay?"

Maureen hugged her. "Yes...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to upset you. Dad's fine."

Olivia visibly and audibly let out the breath she did not even realize she had been holding. "That's good. Very good." She ran both her hands through her hair and leaned against the door.

"Listen...I...I owe you an apology for earlier, Liv. I am so sorry for going off on you at the precinct...I should have known there was a reason you had not been up there to see Dad...I..I talked to Dr. Tharpe again...he still would not tell me anything except to talk to Mom...Fin told me the same thing...so, I did...I talked to her. She told me what she did and I told her she was insane..."

"Maureen...you shouldn't say things like that to your mother..." Olivia reprimanded.

"Well, she is insane!! I can't believe what she did!! She should not have kept you and the others from seeing Dad!" Maureen shot back.

"She is still your mother and she still deserves your respect." Olivia was firm in her rebuttal of Maureen's action.

The young woman stared at Olivia and then nodded her head. "You're right. I just...I just know how much this is going to upset Daddy...and I know you have already been upset by it..."

"It's okay...it didn't bother me much. Not really..." Olivia tried to smooth over the situation.

"Not really? So, what kind of diet are you on that you've lost so much weight since I saw you at the ER?" She cocked her head sideways and narrowed her eyes.

Olivia smiled. "Okay, okay. So, you got me, kiddo. I'm not on a diet...I just...haven't been hungry."

Maureen looked around the apartment. It was pretty neat and clean, but small. "Uh...can we sit down, please?"

"Oh...yea...sure." Olivia motioned to the living room and waited for Maureen to go first, hoping she would not notice how unsteady she was on her feet.

She paused at the end of the couch, her gaze taking in the empty wine bottle next to the nearly empty bottle of wine and the half full goblet. She glanced over her shoulder at Olivia.

"No wonder 'it didn't bother you much'." Maureen cracked, an eerily familiar smirk spreading across her face. She sat on the far end of the couch.

Olivia smiled and shrugged, sitting the same corner of the couch she had been in all night. "So...I'm not very good at lying."

"Liv...I want you to go see Dad. He woke up again this afternoon. He still thinks you are dead." Maureen told her.

Her heart clenched, aching for Elliot. "I can't, Maur...not unless your Mom says I can. I don't want to go against her wishes and besides...maybe she's right. Your Dad and I do tend to stress each other out, you know." She smiled sadly because it was true.

"Liv.." She whined. "You know Dad wants to see you...he _needs_ to see that you are okay!"

"Then he will ask for me when he wants to see me...and you know I will be there. You _do_ know that, right, Maureen?" She leaned over to be able to looked into her eyes.

Maureen looked at her, searching her eyes, for what, she was not sure. "Yea...yea, I know that. I do...but if he thinks you are dead, why would he ask to see you?"

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Tuesday Night, July 15****th**

"Kath...I think Olivia is dead...but no one will tell me the truth. Even the girls keep telling me she is fine." Elliot told his wife.

"She_ is_ fine, Elliot." She had told him this three times already.

"Will you call her? Let me at least talk to her..." He begged, his eyes pleading.

"You can't have a phone in ICU and cell phones are not allowed either. I'm sorry, El." She felt bad for him, but she did what she thought was best.

"Are you sure she is not dead? She's okay? Have you seen her? I thought she was here...but it was a dream, wasn't it?" Elliot was desperate and he did not care what his wife thought right now.

"Yes. I have seen her. Olivia _was_ here the night you were brought in. She's fine." She closed her eyes, almost wishing he were still in the coma.

"But, she hasn't been up here. Why hasn't she been up to see me? If she was alive, if she were fine, she would be here. I _know_ she would be here." He spoke quietly. He did not want them to medicate him again, so he was trying his best to stay calm.

"I don't know, honey. Maybe she is just really busy...you know...they are short handed right now...and..." Kathy rubbed his hand with hers.

"No. No. She would be here...no matter how busy. We're partners...nine years...partners...best friends...I...she..." His words whispered, trailing off as he closed his eyes.

Kathy watched as a stream of tears rolled down his cheeks. She knew she was going to have to let Olivia...and the others...see him soon. She just hoped he never found out what she had done because he would never believe she did it for him.

**Stabler Residence ∙ Wednesday Morning, July 16****th**

"I know things have been strained between you and Sonny, Kathy, but I never dreamed you could do something like this." Marie was determined to keep her voice low and even, but she was having a difficult time.

"Marie...you have no idea what we have been through the last three years." Kathy said. She wiped up drops of coffee with her napkin.

"You're right. I don't. And I don't need details to tell me that this decision to keep Sonny from seeing his partner of nearly a decade, is ludicrous and if anything, detrimental to his recovery. It is obvious that they share a very unique bond." Marie took a sip of her coffee and eyed Kathy carefully.

So, Marie saw it, too. That thing between Elliot and Olivia. Kathy wanted to scream. She was so sick of hearing about the bond her husband and Olivia had. So sick of seeing it. Everyone noticed it. Everyone envied it. Everyone had something to say about it.

"You saw how upset he was with Olivia in the room...I just thought it would be better if he did not have to deal with her right now." She explained.

"No...what I saw was how quickly he calmed down when she went to his side, assuring him she was fine." Marie made her observations known. "It seems you are the one who does not want to have to deal with Olivia."

Kathy sighed. There was no use denying it anymore. No use trying to defend her actions. "You know what, Marie? You're right. I have been dealing with Olivia Benson for nearly nine years...Olivia this and Olivia that...'she's my partner'...'Liv's my best friend'. You're right...I did not want to deal with her now. We may not be getting along and Elliot may leave again when he gets better, but right now he is still my husband and I thought it was best for him not to see Olivia right now." The words tumbled out and Kathy was glad to get it off her chest.

"I'm sorry, Kathy. You know, I love you...you're a wonderful daughter in law and I do hope you and Elliot can work things out...but sometimes, as hard as it may seem, things just need to be over so every one can make a clean start."

"Are you saying we should get a divorce?" Kathy could not believe her mother-in-law would suggest that.

"No, but I am saying that there is no reason for the two of you to spend the rest of your lives miserable. You'll only end up hating each other. Some things are far worse than a divorce. And again, I hope that some how the two of you can work this out..._and_ be happy." She patted Kathy's hand.

**Adrianna's Café ∙ Wednesday Afternoon, July 16****th**

Olivia looked first up the street and then down, but there was no sign of Marie. The small café was starting to get crowded, so she decided to go ahead and get them a table. She found one toward the back where it would be a bit quieter and more private. She sat facing the door so she would see her when she arrived. She wiped her hands up and down her thighs, ridding them of the perspiration that covered the palms. Her hands tended to sweat when she was nervous and she was very nervous about seeing Marie. Why, she could not have said because she really did not know. A few short minutes later and she saw her. She had spotted Olivia right off and was smiling and waving as she made her way to the table.

Okay...well...Marie does not seem mad or upset...so maybe this is just a nice little lunch. No. She had said 'we'll talk tomorrow.' Olivia smiled and stood up and they hugged each other tightly. Soon, she would find out just what it was Marie wanted to talk about. Maybe Olivia really did not want to know.

Marie had not seen Olivia since last Thursday when Elliot made all those declarations. She had lost quite a bit of weight and she looked...she did not look well. Marie wanted to ask about the weight loss but decided that was much too personal and anyway, she was sure it was because she was upset about not seeing Elliot.

After the normal 'how are you', 'good to see you' and other niceties, they ordered their meal. Marie got a roasted turkey with Swiss cheese sandwich and Olivia opted for a small house salad. She still had no appetite and doubted she would even be able to eat the salad. She handed the menu to the waitress and looked up to see Marie staring at her. Olivia gave her a shy smile, curious as to why she was staring like that at her.

Olivia Benson is a very beautiful woman, Marie thought. But, more than the outward beauty, there was an inward beauty, a strength and resilience, compassion and kindness that exuded from her. What was it Kathy had said? She wanted to hate her, but it was hard to hate someone who was so nice, so kind even if she was drop dead gorgeous and spent more time with your husband than you did. And even her kids loved Olivia. No wonder Kathy did not want to deal with her. No wonder her sons fell in love with her.

Olivia could not resist it any longer. "What? Did I put my lipstick on crooked?" She joked, grinning.

Marie, embarrassed, laughed and broke her gaze. "Oh...please forgive me. I was just thinking how beautiful you are, dear." She reached across the table and patted Olivia's hands that were busy shredding a napkin.

Olivia felt the heat rushing to her face and knew she had turned red. "You are too kind, Marie."

"And you are too modest, Olivia." She smiled. That Olivia did not realize her beauty, made her only that much more attractive.

The waitress appeared with their drinks. Marie took a sip and looked at Olivia. "I'm not one for beating around the bush, so, I'll just say what I need to say. On behalf of the Stabler family I would like to extend our apology for Kathy's action and let you know that we do not agree with her keeping you from Elliot."

To say Olivia was shocked would be an understatement. "I...uh...well...thank you. But...you are not the one who did this...Kathy is the one would should apologize...and she's the only one that can change the situation." Olivia told her.

"Well, just so you know that the rest of us are not in accord with her. I could not believe she carried through with it." Marie shook her head.

"What do you mean? You knew she was going to do this?" Olivia was troubled by this comment.

The waitress appeared, this time with their meals. Olivia was almost certain she would not be eating that salad.

"She mentioned doing it the day Sonny...uh...Elliot told you he loved you. I told her it would be a mistake and she needed to consider every aspect of doing this. I talked with Kathy this morning and I really think she is going to reconsider. I just hope she does so before Elliot finds out what she did." Marie looked at Olivia and thought again how attractive she was.

Olivia just sat there, staring at the table. Finally, she looked up at Marie. "Well, she has every right to do what she did...she was concerned that he got so upset and I'm afraid he and I do bring out the worst in each other. I'm sure she thinks it is in Elliot's best interest and who am I to question what his wife does?"

"Honey...I don't know you well enough to make a comment on all of yours and Elliot's relationship...maybe you do bring out the worst in each other...but, I saw what your presence, your voice, your touch did for my son. When nothing and no one else could calm him, you did. A mother knows her children and I knew my son had very deep feelings for you the first time I saw him looking at you up at the lake." Marie pretty much summed up everything that was true.

Olivia was once again quiet, staring at the table. She had no idea how she was suppose to respond to that statement. So, she didn't.

"Do you deny that you have feelings for Elliot?" Marie asked softly. When Olivia did not answer, Marie asked another question. "You love him, don't you?"

Her head snapped up and she looked Marie in the eyes. "Of course, I love him. He's been my partner for nine years...you don't work with someone that long and not love them. And he's my best friend."

Marie smiled to herself and gently shook her head. "That's not what I meant, Olivia, and you know it. You are_ in_ love with Elliot, and as it would seem, he with you. And that brings me to my next question. You are in love with Rhett, too. What are you going to do about the two of them?"

Olivia just looked at her. After taking one bite, she had been pushing the salad around in it's bowl, now she laid the fork down beside it. Leaning back in her seat, she ran her hands through her hair and closed her eyes. She let out a deep sigh and opened her eyes, meeting Marie's gaze.

"I...I don't know...I don't know what to do." She whispered. "I do love them both. Very much. And I don't want to hurt either of them. I'm in love with Rhett...he is so good to me and I want to marry him, but is it fair to him when I'm in love his brother, too? And El, oh, God...I have been in love with him so long...I can not imagine my life without him in it, if only as my partner, my friend...he is...he is a part of me...it's like we are so intertwined that to take us away from each other...it just leaves this huge wound on our psyche. But he's married...unavailable. And I am so tired of being alone. Rhett means so much to me...I can have the life I have always wanted with him. Marie, tell me what to do. Please, tell me what to do."

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she pleaded with Marie. Marie's eyes were also glistening with unshed tears. Her heart broke for this beautiful woman sitting before her. And her heart broke for her two sons. And for Kathy. The whole situation was just one big mess. She would not want to be in Olivia Benson's shoes for all the money in the world.

"Oh, Liv...honey, you know I cannot tell you what to do. No one can do that. I can ask you some questions that may be able to help..." When Olivia did not respond, she continued. "Don't answer these out loud...just ponder them. If Elliot were free, would you still have a dilemma? And, if you married Rhett and Elliot later became free, what would you do? How would you feel?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and chewed on her lower lip. She looked at Marie. "Rhett already asked me the same thing..."

"He _knows_ about you and Elliot?" Marie didn't know if she was more surprised or shocked or both.

"Yes...before I knew they were brothers, I had told him that at one time I thought there was the possibility of more between me and El. Of course, once he realized it was his brother I was talking about, that possibility took on a whole new meaning."

"You mean when Elliot and Kathy were separated?" Marie asked, suddenly realizing that Olivia was the 'other woman' Kathleen had talked about while her parents were split up.

"Yes...but he never made a move...although after a really bad case he sort of...well, we both sort of admitted to our feelings...but, he said if we chose each other over the job again, we couldn't be partners...it was so complicated...I ran." She sighed, looking down at the shredded napkin in her fingers.

"Ran? What do you mean?" Marie leaned forward, taking a small bit of her sandwich.

"The next day I asked for a new partner and Cragen told me about a temporary opening in computer crimes. I took it just to put some distance between us. I mean, he was married! Is married." She looked up to try and gage Marie's reaction. Her eyes held only compassion.

"What happened then?" Marie wanted to understand what had happened to bring them to this place in their lives.

She sighed and spoke again. "I came back a few weeks later, but things between us were strained...they went from bad to worse. He was angry that I left without talking to him and I was just so confused about my feelings for him and the way he treated me. He was jealous of me dating, yet, he was so mean, so sarcastic. I left again...took an undercover job with the FBI and was gone for two months. I did not have a chance to tell him what was happening and after I was under, I was not allowed to talk to him...Cragen knew where I was, but he was not allowed to say. Elliot was absolutely furious with me and when I came back that time...things were really bad."

She continued. "And to top it off, he had a new partner...a woman. And they seemed to get along just fine...if you know what I mean." She sighed again and rolled her head from side to side. "I was jealous...and that just added even more conflict."

She looked around the café and then at her watch. "I'm sorry...I...I really should not be telling you all of this...I've never told _anyone_ all of this...I don't know why I am now...and to his mother. You must think I am a horrible person...I...I..." She wiped away the few tears that had managed to escape.

"No, Olivia. I do not think you are horrible person. If you were, then how could two of my sons have fallen in love with you. I just wish I had an answer to this dilemma. This gives new meaning to the saying 'keep it in the family', doesn't it?" Marie went to Olivia and enveloped her in a quick, but strong hug.

Olivia's cell phone rang. The caller I.D. showed it was Cragen. "Excuse me, Marie. I need to take this. She flipped the phone open. "Benson." Her eyes widened as she listened to him. She looked up at Marie and shook her head. "Should I go up there?" She was nodding her head now. "Okay...okay...I'm on the way."

"That was the Captain. Dr. Tharpe called the precinct looking for me. Elliot is awake. Someone told him what Kathy did. He's furious and Dr. Tharpe wants me up there to see if I can calm him down." She spoke as if she were in a daze.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Wednesday Morning, July 16****th**

"Mr. Stabler...if you don't calm down, you will leave me no choice but to sedate you again." His voice was firm and authoritative.

"No! I do _not_ need to be sedated! What I need, is to see my partner! Get Detective Benson up here and let me see that she is not dead, that she is not injured and I will be quiet!"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot do that." Dr. Tharpe told him.

"Why? Because she's dead?" Elliot was becoming more agitated by the minute.

"I assure you, Detective Benson is fine." Dr. Tharpe answered.

"Then at least let me call her." He demanded.

"There are no phones in the rooms in the ICU and cell phones are prohibited. You will be moved to a regular room some time today and then you will have access to a phone and you can call Ms. Benson." The doctor did not have time for this and he was really irritated with Mrs. Stabler for putting him in this situation.

A nurse came in to change Elliot's bandage and to take his vitals, which were off the charts with his present emotional state. Dr. Tharpe left the room and Elliot wasted no time starting in on her.

"Do you know why they won't let me see my partner?" He asked her.

"No, sir. I don't, but I could ask." She was young, early twenties maybe. She smiled at him.

"You'd do that?" He was incredulous that someone was actually willing to help him.

"Sure. Let me get this bandage changed and I'll go ask." She smiled. He was really good looking, she thought, even if he is kind of scruffy right now.

Kathleen came in just as the nurse was coming back from asking about Elliot's partner.

"Mr. Stabler...uh...I have an answer to your question." She looked from him to Kathleen, unsure of whether to continue.

"This is my daughter, Kathleen...it's okay." He realized the reason for her hesitancy.

"Oh...well, your wife has banned Ms. Benson and your co-workers from seeing you..." She explained. No one told her he was not suppose to know.

Elliot sat up in bed as straight as he could. "Excuse me? What did you just say?" His eyes narrowed and the veins in his forehead and neck began to pulsate.

"Daddy..." Kathleen was immediately shocked at the statement and alarmed at her Dad's reaction. She knew this would not be good.

The nurse was intimidated by his demeanor. "I'm sorry...but it was your wife that..."

Elliot let loose with a string of curse words that would make the toughest, saltiest sailor blush. He picked up his breakfast tray and slung it against the wall. The nurse ran from the room and Kathleen went to her father, trying to restrain and calm him.

In less than a minute, Dr. Tharpe and a male nurse came racing into the room. Dr. Tharpe looked at the mess on the floor, juice pouring from the open container, the contents of the tray scattered across the floor and then to Kathleen who was trying calm her father. He stared at Elliot.

"How can my wife say who I can and can't see?" Elliot demanded, his breathing heavy.

"Now that you are awake and fully cognizant, she can't." Dr. Tharpe's answer visible settled Elliot. "If you will remain calm, I'll go call Ms. Benson right now."

Elliot rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "I'm sorry...I can't...I can't believe she would do that...I just...I just need to see my partner. I need to see Liv. Please."

Dr. Tharpe was really tired of this situation and he felt sorry for Elliot Stabler and was ready to take it upon himself to get Olivia Benson to come see her partner. She seemed to be the only one who would be able to anything with him. He knew she would not be happy, but he would deal with Kathy Stabler later. He made the call and returned to tell Elliot.

"I did not have a number for Detective Benson, so I called Captain Cragen. He is calling her to tell her she can come visit you." Dr. Tharpe smiled at Elliot.

"_What_ did you do, Dr. Tharpe?" Kathy Stabler asked from the doorway, a frown on her face.

He turned to look Kathy in the eye, but not before he saw the intense, violent fury and rage that filled Elliot Stabler's face. He was almost paralyzed by the utter transformation of Elliot's visage. His eyes were narrowed, icy cold daggers darting from them. His face was nearly purple and the veins throbbing so hard they would surely burst if his emtions did not soon find release. Never had Dr. Tharpe seen such unmitigated anger in the eyes of anyone. Ever.

xxxxxxx

**A/N: **_Are you guys are still liking the story. I hope to wrap it up in the next chapter...but you know me by now...I am too into details sometimes...so it might take two more chapters. It seems that everyone is in one accord when it comes to Kathy...we all hater her!! Aaagghh! You have all been so awesome with the reading and reviews, I wish I could give each of you a big hug...so come on...time for a group hug...put your arms tightly around your shoulders...(group hug!!). Was it as good for you as it was for me? LOL!! OE 4-evah!! " ) Bensler._


	35. Assurance

**Chapter 35 - Assurance**

**JFK Airport ∙ Queens, NY ∙ Wednesday Morning, July 16****th**

His plane had landed at John F. Kennedy International Airport at 10:35 a.m. He was exhausted from the flight or rather, flights and wanted nothing more than to go home and get a hot shower. He could not wait to see Olivia and he was concerned about Sonny and how he was doing. Because of the sporadic phone service, he had been unable to get in touch with Olivia or anyone since Saturday evening to let them know he was coming home. When she told him about Elliot's setback and subsequent surgery, she failed to mention that Kathy had banned her from seeing Sonny, uh, Elliot...Erin had been the bearer of that news when he called to talk with his Mom after he hung up with Olivia. He could not believe Kathy had done such a thing.

He had already been pretty sure he was going to talk to his boss and let him know he had to come home after Elliot's second surgery. Olivia had been extremely upset about it and he was pretty worried himself. He just felt like he needed to be there for her and his family. He wanted to be there. But, he also had an obligation to his employer, after all, they had spent a ton of money for him to do this project. However, when he found out what Kathy had done, that was it. He knew he had to come home. It took a couple of days to secure the flights and then nearly two full days to get home. But, here he was...back in New York City. Home.

Watching the carousel for his luggage, he spotted it and snatched it up on its way around. He was laden with cameras and audio equipment in addition to the luggage. He was fortunate enough to find a cab rather quickly. The driver helped him throw everything into the trunk, he climbed slid into the backseat, giving his home address to the driver. Leaning his head back, the last thing he remembered was seeing a sign for the Van Wyck Expressway, I-678. In seconds, he was fast asleep and had no recollection of the nearly forty minute drive to his condo. Dropping his belongings just inside the door, he peeled his clothes off as he headed for the shower. It felt so good to be home again, to have a real bathroom, a clean bathroom. Rhett grabbed a pair of navy shorts and a pale blue polo shirt with white stripes, slipped into some tennis shoes and head out for the hospital.

He had called Olivia twice, but got no answer. When he did not get his Mom either, he called Emily and she told him she was supposed to be at the hospital and didn't he know they were strict about cell phones being turned off up there. Okay. He would just go up there and check on Elliot, visit for a bit and if his Mom and Olivia were there, well, that would be more than fine. If not, he would track them down later.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Wednesday, July 16****th**

Dr. Tharpe walked toward Kathy ready to explain what he had done, but before he could say a word, Elliot began his verbal assault on her.

"Kathy, who do you think you are keeping Olivia and the others from seeing me?" Elliot spewed the words, his voice a loud roar. He was visibly shaking from the rage that had built within him.

"I'm your wife, Elliot, and I did what I thought was best at the time." Kathy tried to control her fear, her terror. She knew this was going to be bad. Very bad. The only thing she had going for her, was that he could not get out of the bed.

"What you thought was best? Oh, _please_! You really expect me to believe that? You gotta be kidding me!" He stormed, his eyes burning with anger, never left hers.

"Elliot...you were so upset when you saw Olivia..." She did not have a chance to finish.

"That you let me keep thinking she was dead? You think that did not upset me even more, Kathy?" Slamming his fist down on the table that was still across his bed, he screamed at her, the veins in his head and neck pulsating with his fury.

"Elliot...I kept telling you she was not dead, but you..." Kathy knew it was a stretch to make him understand when she was not sure she understood herself.

"But I believed that she was...all you had to do was let me see her! I just needed the assurance that she was okay! She's been my partner for nine years! She's my best friend! And you thought it was for the best that I continue to believe she was dead!? Listen to what you're are saying! How screwed up is that, Kathy?" He closed his eyes and leaned back, his hands shaking as he dragged them over his head and back down his face, rubbing his eyes with his finger tips.

"Best friend? Do you know how sick I am of hearing that? Elliot...please...just try and understand..." Kathy had moved closer to his bedside.

Kathleen, her eyes wide with fear, moved away from her father to make room for Kathy. She was afraid of the exchange between her parents, afraid of what Elliot might do, and afraid of what might happen to him if he became too upset. He was already too upset. The monitors were beeping wildly and she could see how rapid his breathing was and wished there was a way to avoid all of this.

As Kathleen moved, she noticed the two women in the doorway. Her Grandma and Olivia. They both appeared to be in as much shock as she was from the scene unfolding before their eyes. She went to them and Marie pulled her into her arms. Dr. Tharpe had left, not at all interested in being in the middle of a family fight.

Elliot sat straight up again, his fists clenching and unclenching. "Understand? There is no understanding this! You just didn't want her around because you're jealous of her! That's what this is really about! In our twenty years of marriage, this is the lowest thing you have ever done!" His words cut her like jagged shards of glass.

He saw her flinch, but he did not care. He felt nothing toward her but blind rage, fury. He wanted to hurt her. If he could get out of this bed, he feared that for the first time in his life, he really could hurt her. Physically.

As tears formed in her eyes, she reached out and put her hand on his arm. He violently jerked his arm away from her hand almost as though her touch had burned him.

"Don't you touch me! You hear me, Kathy! Do _not_ touch me! Just get away!" He was shaking again, his voice a low growl.

"Elliot...please...please..." She was begging now, the tears coursing down her cheeks.

"You kept Olivia from me...would not let me see her...would not let her come to see me...well, I don't want to see you..." Elliot's voice was finally lowered, hissing at her.

"Elliot...please...don't do this." Kathy pleaded, knowing it was useless, knowing that this time there would be no second chance.

"Don't do what? I want you out. It's over, Kathy. It was over years ago. I just wasn't man enough to admit, to accept it." He wiped tears from his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, an indication that he was done. Done with this conversation. Done with their marriage. Done with her.

"Elliot...can we talk about..." Kathy tried to change tactics.

He interrupted her and this time his voice was so quiet, so low, it rumbled through the room. "There is nothing to talk about, Kathy. Nothing. It's over. I don't want to look at you, I don't want to hear you...I just want you to leave. Now." He glared at her, his eyes cold pieces of steel, his face set now as though it were stone, void of emotion.

Kathy knew when to cut her losses. She knew it was over. She quietly stood, stared at him for a minute, nodded her head slightly and turned to leave. Marie and Olivia did not know what to do or say as they stepped aside to allow her to exit the room. Marie reached out and touched her shoulder. Kathy reached up and put her hand on Marie's hand. She then looked at Olivia, their eyes locked and she was surprised that instead of accusation, condemnation and malicious satisfaction, she saw only understanding, pain and compassion in her huge, brown eyes. And tears. This woman made it impossibly difficult for Kathy to hate her. And she asked herself just what she could have been thinking when she kept Olivia from seeing Elliot?

Maureen, who had shown up in the middle of Kathy and Elliot's fight, stood between Olivia and Marie. She leaned over and hugged Kathy as she passed by and Kathy whispered to her. "It's all right, sweetheart."

"Mom?" Kathleen called out, her voice shaky, as Kathy brushed past them.

"I'm okay, honey...you and Maureen stay here with your Dad. He needs you right, now. Okay?" She hugged Kathleen and kissed her cheek and was gone.

Elliot was still so upset he had leaned back in the bed and closed his eyes, not even watching as Kathy left the room. His breathing was ragged and he consciously tried to inhale and exhale deeply and slowly in an effort to calm himself. So, caught up in the heated exchange with Kathy, he had not noticed Maureen or his Mom come in nor the beautiful detective with the brown eyes who stood at the doorway, staring at him. But, now that he quieted down a bit, he sensed something. Something familiar. Someone. Her. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked around the room. His blue eyes found her brown ones and the sounds of their silence filled their hearts and minds.

Marie was once again amazed at this bond between her son and this woman. Neither moved nor spoke, yet, they were definitely 'talking' to each other. And the tension that had been in this room just minutes ago? It had evaporated and in its place was something very different. There was no mistaking it. Love. Unconditional love. It radiated from Olivia's being, carried across the room to Elliot by her gorgeous eyes and beamed from Elliot's as he stared back at her, his love for her raw and unstoppable.

Marie hugged Kathleen and Maureen tightly and whispered. "Let's go get a milkshake or something and let your Dad and Olivia talk."

Both girls nodded and they slipped out, unnoticed by the man and woman engrossed in their silent conversation.

_I thought you were dead._ No...I'm fine_. I wanted to see you so bad. _I stayed with you all night the first night. _I just needed to know you were okay. _I am okay...now._ Olivia_...Elliot...

It was so good to see him again. So good to know he _was _okay. That he would recover completely. She was not sure about what had gone on between him and Kathy. He was upset and what he did with that relationship remained to be seen. But, right now his sky blue eyes were piercing her eyes. She wanted to run to him and fall into his arms and hug him, hold him close, kiss him and tell him how grateful she was that he was here in this hospital room and not lying in a cemetery. She wanted to tell him about the terror she felt when those first shots rang out and how she ran to him when there was no other way to get there. She wanted him to feel the grief and pain that settled in the innermost core of her soul when the doctor said he had passed away. She wanted him to know that deep within she could not believe he was gone, because she did not feel it and she knew she would feel it if he left her.

Incredible. Thank you, God. She was finally standing here before him and she was not dead. Just as they had told him...she was not dead. She was much thinner, but she was fine, whole, alive. He knew she had not been eating and probably not sleeping, either. Her chocolate brown eyes drilled into his, drinking him in, unable to break from his gaze. Even from the distance he could tell they shimmered with tears, yet to be released. For some reason, she seemed unsure of what to do, almost shy. And, for Olivia Benson who exuded confidence, shy was not a word that came to mind when describing her. He wondered how much she had heard of the conversation with Kathy. It didn't matter. The only thing that mattered right now was that she was here. He needed to touch her. Hold her.

After what seemed like an eternity of staring at one another, Elliot held out his left hand toward her. She took a deep breath and biting her lip, she walked to his bedside and took his hand. They both watched as he held her left hand in his left and traced up and down and between her fingers with his right. Just this innocent, light touch was sending fire coursing through her veins. He slowly brought her hand to his lips, kissing each finger. Still holding her hand, he looked up at her, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips, his eyes twinkled. He turned her hand over and placed small kisses in her palm.

As he did this, a sob tore from her aching chest and without warning escaped her lips. She fell into him and he put his arms around her, holding her close. Giving into his own emotions, tears streaked down his face as he tangled his hands in her hair and murmured words of comfort and assurance.

"It's okay, Baby. Shhh...shhh. I've got you." He whispered, placing kisses along her temple and the side of her face and in her hair.

"El...oh, El...I thought...thought I had lost you." She cried, clutching him tighter. "I...don't...I could...not...El! Don't you leave me like that! You hear me? Please, don't ever leave me!" A new wave of sobs broke over her.

"I'm right here, Liv...and I'm not going anywhere. Shh...shhh. Baby, it's okay."

xxxxxx

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Hallway Outside of Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Wednesday, July 16****th**

It was as though the solid ground below him had abruptly fallen away. He had lost his balance, his footing, teetering on the edge of emotional destruction, annihilation, thrown off kilter by the sight before him. Through the blinds of the ICU room, he watched his life slowly unravel before him knowing there was not a thing he could do to stop it before it lay in tangled threads pooled around his feet. He did not want to watch, but he could not pull his eyes away. This moment was private, yet, it was the proof of what he had sensed, had known all along, yet chose not to believe.

She had even admitted this to him, but convinced him it was not as it seemed. Parts of it were true, she said, but the other part rendered the true parts unimportant. At least that is what she tried to make him believe. Yes, she loved Elliot, not more, but different than she loved him. She wanted to marry him, have children with him, spend the rest of her life with him. That is what she told him. And he believed her. When he thought back on it, he wondered was she trying to convince him or herself. The things that were taking place in that room, left no question as to the validity of what he had thought was true, desperately hoped was not and yet could no longer deny because he now saw it with his very own eyes.

His stomach churning, he felt the sudden need to throw up. Looking around for a restroom, he knew he would never make it. He ran to the nurse's station and grabbed the first trash can he saw. When he was finished, he looked up and apologized to the three nurses staring at him.

"Sir? Are you okay?" A very attractive black nurse asked.

"No...but, I feel better..." He answered, tying the bag up and asked where he could take it.

An older nurse, with a curly, blond hair took it from him. "I'll take care of this. Would you like something to drink? Water? Sprite?"

"Sprite would be good." Maybe that would settle his stomach enough that he could get out here.

Someone handed him a cold can, he popped it open and took a big gulp. "Who are you here to see?" The third nurse, a younger woman with short dark hair and big brown eyes, just like Olivia's, asked him. Just like Olivia.

"Huh? Oh...uh...my brother...he was shot last week..." Rhett explained.

"So, you are Mr. Stabler's brother...I've seen his brother, Joey...haven't seen you before..." The black nurse, looked at him suspiciously.

"I just got in from Afghanistan this morning...listen, thanks for the drink...I'm gonna head out." He nodded toward Elliot's room, noticing that Olivia was now sitting on the edge of his bed, her right hand caressing his face, Elliot's left hand resting on her thigh.

"But you haven't even seen him yet..." The blond noted.

"He's busy...I'll come back later..." He mustered up a slight smile.

Dr. Tharpe came walking up and looked into Elliot's room. "I was going to check on Mr. Stabler, but I think I'll give them a few more minutes. They haven't seen each other in days." He leaned over the counter, smiling at the nurses and Rhett. "I have never seen two people more in love...it's a shame that..." He stopped, catching himself. "Well, it's really none of my business, is it?"

Rhett turned, trying not to look into the room again and headed through the double doors of the ICU. "Wait! Don't you want to meet Dr. Tharpe..." The blond nurse called out to his retreating form.

Rhett did not answer. Even if he had wanted to, the words would never have made their way around the thick lump in his throat. Would he ever be able to breathe normally again? Would his heart ever stop pounding against his chest? Would this sick feeling in his stomach ever go away? Would he be able to do what he needed to do? Would he ever survive losing Olivia Benson?

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Wednesday, July 16****th**

Olivia looked into the blue eyes that were so familiar to her. She wondered how many times over the last nine years she had looked into them. She wondered how many times she had seen them change colors with his moods. How many times she had seen them sparkle with laughter, twinkle with mischief and fill with love? How many times had she watched them glaze over in pain, storm in anger, rage with jealousy? How many times have they sent her silent messages, pleas, even entire conversations? Right now they were the brightest she had seen them in a long time, perhaps ever. Right now there was no question they were filled with happiness, contentment and...love.

Elliot could not bear to take his eyes off of Olivia. He had not seen her for days and even though most of that time he had been in a coma, he still missed her. He kept thinking of how he was convinced she was dead and no one would let him see her or talk to her. That's all he needed...assurance that she was alive. Yet, no one was willing to give that to him. And here she was. In his room, sitting on his bed. Beside him, just like she had been for nine years. Beside him to anchor him, to ground him, to guide him, to calm him. Without her, he was useless, lost.

Looking into her big brown eyes, he knew this love was unbreakable, unfathomable. He knew he would go to his grave loving her. He almost had. He was determined from here on out that he was going to live his life like he would not get a chance to do and say all the things he wanted. And he wanted Olivia to know he loved her...she already did...but he wanted her to know that she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, too. He would say them now.

"It's over between me and Kathy..." He looked at her, trying to gauge her reception of that statement.

She looked away and nodded. "Are you sure that is what you want, El? What about the kids? What about Eli?"

"Eli will be fine...I'll spend as much time as possible with him. The others are nearly grown. They will understand." He was so solemn and yet sure about this.

She nodded again as she played with his hand. "Don't rush into anything just yet. You should take time to think about the repercussions and be absolutely certain this is what you want, El." She hurt you so bad the first time and I don't want to have to try to put you together again. And me. I could never take you going back to her again. Not after all of this, Olivia wanted to add.

Elliot's eyes narrowed as he heard her unasked questions. "Liv...I _am_ positive about this. I should never have gone home...things never changed because Kathy and I didn't change. Half the time we walk on eggshells around each other and the other half we spend screaming in each other's face. I should never have gone to her after Malcom Royce...and I should never have gone home, baby or no baby...not when I was in love with someone else."

Her head snapped up and he smiled at her shock. "Don't look so surprised...I've told you how I feel about you. I want us to be together, Liv. You and me. Are you willing to try?" He took her hand and brought it to his lips once again.

"Elliot...I...I'm so confused...I need time...I can't...I just need some time..." She saw the hurt flash in his eyes and felt him emotionally withdraw from her. And she hated it.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ ICU Nurses Station ∙ Wednesday, July 16****th**

As Olivia came out of Elliot's room, she smiled at one of the nurses at the station and continued down the hall. She was going to look for Marie and the girls.

"Oh...Detective Benson..." Olivia stopped and turned back to the nurse. "Mr. Stabler's brother was here...he did not want to disturb the two of you...said he would come back later." It was the brunette nurse that reminded Rhett of Olivia.

"Joey was here? I didn't know he was coming down. Thank you for letting me know." She started down the hallway once again.

"I know Joey...it wasn't him...his name was..." She looked puzzled and then turned to the other nurses. "Did he give his name?"

"No...but he did mention that he had gotten in from Afghanistan early this morning." The black nurse stated, never looking up from her paperwork.

Olivia's smile froze on her face and she nearly fainted right there in the middle of the hallway. Rhett! If he saw how she and Elliot were...were touching and...oh, no! There was no 'if' about it. She knew he saw and he understood the implications of what he saw. Otherwise, he would still be here. She had to find him! Talk to him. Explain to him. Explain? She had no idea what she would say, how she would say it. Her stomach had dropped to the floor, her heart stopped beating and she did not think she could even draw another breath.

The brunette nurse came out from behind the station, alarmed at how quickly the blood had drained from Olivia's face. "Detective?" She took her by the arm and led her to a chair.

Olivia did not argue. Instead, she flopped heavily into the chair and leaned over, her hands on her knees, her head as far down as she could get it without falling over. Finally, her breath hitched and she began to breathe again, though it was erratic. Her heart was slowing down a bit and becoming regular again as well.

That was where Marie and the girls found her when they returned. They were talking quietly as they came through the double doors of the ICU after being buzzed in by the one of the nurses. Kathleen spotted Olivia first and stopped in her tracks. Marie and Maureen followed her gaze.

"Olivia? Oh, no!" Marie glanced through the blinds at Elliot. He seemed to be sleeping. "What's wrong?" She clutched at her heart.

"El's fine..." She spoke quietly, her eyes blank, unseeing. "He was here."

Puzzled, Marie stepped closer to Olivia and leaned over toward her. "Who was here, Liv?"

Her eyes now met Marie's "He's home...he saw us. Rhett saw us." She whispered as a lone tear trickled down her face.

As the words began to sink in, Marie knelt beside Olivia, taking her hands in hers. "Oh, honey. Everything will be okay." Just from the way they had been looking at each other earlier, Marie could imagine what Rhett had seen between Olivia and Elliot.

**Rhett Stabler Residence ∙ Wednesday Night, July 16****th**

Olivia had called Rhett's cell phone and home phone repeatedly. There was no answer and no response to any of the messages she left. She lost count of how many. She had also tried work and finally asked for Jen Richardson, his co-worker. Jen said he had come in briefly after lunch to drop some video off, talked to their boss and then left, but did not say where he was going. Able to stand it no longer, she went by his condo. His car was not there, but she knocked on the door until it became pounding. Suddenly, she remembered she had a key. She was suppose to be taking care of his cat while he was gone and had completely forgotten about it. Oh, no! If something had happened to Tiger, Rhett would never forgive her.

"Here, kitty, kitty. Tiger...come on boy." She called out as she went through the condo.

There was no sign of him and she was about to panic when she heard a knock at the front door. She half ran to the door and threw it open. There was a young woman, probably mid thirties, standing there holding Tiger.

"Hey. You must be Olivia. I'm Sue from across the street...I saw the lights were on. Rhett called me last week and told me about the shooting. He said you probably wouldn't have time to take care of Tiger, so, he got me to do it. I saw him come in this morning, but he was gone again before I could get ready and come over." She smiled and handed her the cat.

"Oh, thank you. I'm so glad he thought of this, because I'm afraid I did forget with all the drama that has been going on...thanks." Smiling, Olivia took Tiger from Sue.

"No problem...he's home early...I guess because of his brother." Sue pushed a strand of light brown hair behind her ear.

"Yea...how did you get in the condo?" Olivia wondered.

"I have a key. Rhett and I exchanged keys right after he moved in." She told Olivia.

"Hmmm..." Olivia was curious because she did not think he would give his key to just anyone. And if she were honest, a little jealous.

"Emily and I were good friends growing up, so Rhett and I sort of knew each other and since neither of us had family nearby we thought the key thing would be good idea...you know, in case we got locked out or for something like this." She grinned at Olivia. "I guess I need to go...see ya!" She bounded down the steps and ran across the street.

Olivia closed the door and let Tiger down. She filled his food and water bowl and checked the litter box. She noticed the luggage and audio and visual equipment by the door. A line of clothing trailed from the living room down the hall and into the bathroom. The bedroom was littered with more clothing and two towels. He must have been in a hurry because he was usually a neat freak. She sat down on the edge of his bed and sighed. Rhett where are you?

xxxxxx

A/N: Well, some of you will be glad to know...that 'no' I cannot wrap this up as quickly as I had hoped. It is probably going to take two more chapters from here...possibly three. I know I keep saying how awesome you guys are with your reviewing but I cannot think of any other words to describe you guys!! I am simply astonished that you have taken to my stories so well! It is both humbling and a real kick in the ego at the same time! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Hang with me for a bit longer, okay?? " ) Bensler


	36. Angst

**A/N:**_ OMGoodness!! I made _myself_ cry as I wrote the scene between Liv and Rhett! How pathetic is that?! Are you satisfied with how I got him out of the way? My original plan had been to have him die either by a mob hit or in a plane crash on the way from Afghanistan...but I ended up loving him too much to kill him! Who knows...maybe when his year long detail is over, he will show up in a sequel when Elliot is treating Olivia badly...?? Muahahahaha!! FYourI...that was an evil laugh. Bring on the reviews! Please! " ) Bensler_

**Chapter 36 - Angst**

**Marie Stabler's Lake House ∙ Wednesday Night, July 16****th**

Marie was tired from the day trip. It was only an hour drive into the city, but with everything that had gone on today, she was completely exhausted. The confrontation with Kathy, the lunch and talk with Olivia, the dilemma she and Marie's two sons were in, the blowup between Kathy and Elliot, soothing the girls, the fact that Rhett was home and apparently saw something between Olivia and Elliot and yet, no one has heard from him, trying to assure Olivia things would work out...it was all just about too much for her. She was getting too old for so much angst, drama, whatever you wanted to call it...especially, at one time. She needed to shower and go to bed.

Opening the screen door, she keyed into the house. Closing the door behind her, she locked it and slid the deadbolt into place. She noticed the lamp was on by the recliner and frowned. She did not remember it being on when she left. Oh, well, that was another thing about getting older. She forgot things from time to time.

Entering the kitchen to pour herself a glass of lemonade, she realized she smelled coffee. On the counter was a quarter of a pot and a spoon by the sugar bowl. She _knew_ she had not brewed coffee this morning and now she was concerned. Someone had been here or possibly still was here. Gripping her cell phone, she looked around and quietly headed for the back door. She would get out of the house and call Emily who lived nearby. Stepping out onto the deck, she noticed the black Lexus SUV on the side of the house. Rhett. No wonder they could not find him. Looking toward the lake, she could barely make out the silhouette of someone sitting on the deck of the boat dock.

**Dock at the Lake House ∙ Wednesday Night, July 16****th**

It had been hours since he had come out here to sit. Thinking. Praying. Contemplating. Meditating. And still he had no answers. Still he was confused. Heartbroken. He knew what he saw between his brother and his fiancé was more than partners, more than the best friends he knew them to be. Since finding out Elliot, his brother was also Elliot, her partner, he had not had a chance to talk to him. Or was it that he did not want to face him because he already knew the answers to his questions. He wished now that he had. Maybe if he had known that there were stronger feelings involved, maybe he would not have been so caught off guard with all of this.

Oh, who was he kidding? He knew Olivia loved Elliot...she had told him. But, she also told him she loved him, too. And, he believed her. He did. She seemed happy with him...she smiled all the time...they were so good together. He loved her so much. He just did not know if he could carry through with marrying her after now having _no_ doubt as to how much she truly loved his brother. It was evident even through the glass and blinds of a window. It was evident to a doctor that did not really even know the two of them. What was he going to do? His being was filled with angst over the situation. What should he do?

Marie watched him quietly for a moment, praying for the strength to know what to say, how to comfort him. Aware that the next several minutes were going to be among the toughest in her mothering career, she took a minute to steel herself. With everything that was at stake, she had to be absolutely certain that she did not give poor advice. The air was thick with his grief and turmoil. She took a deep breath and stepped onto the dock.

It creaked beneath her feet causing Rhett to look up from his seat. He stood and met her half-way, taking her in his arms. She held him tightly, rubbing his back, neither saying a word. She felt his body begin to tremble and the wetness of his tears as they fell upon her neck. No matter how old your children were, there still were times when they needed Mom and her words of wisdom, her soft shoulder to cry on and her warm embrace. Rhett tried to stifle the sob that tore from him. But he could not. However, he was able to rather quickly regain his composure and he pulled away from his mother. She knew her heart had just broken for her oldest child...and it was a pain unlike any she had ever experienced.

They sat down on one of the wooden benches on the dock. She entwined her hand with his and then covered them with her other. He wiped tears away with his free hand.

"What am I suppose to do, Mom? I love her so much." His voice was quiet, cracking at the word 'love'.

"Oh, sweetheart...if only I had the answers." She squeezed his hand.

"I know she and Sonny...Elliot...have known each other a lot longer...and she told me she loves him...but she said she loves me, too. How? How can you love two people? I mean, romantically? Do you think that it's possible, Mom?" He asked her.

"I always thought it could be possible, but now that I have seen Olivia with the two of you, I'm afraid I_ know_ it is possible. That doesn't help how you feel, I know. But, she does love both of you...very much. She's very confused. She is hurting, too. Deeply. "

"How do you know all this?"

"I talked with Olivia...after what happened in the hospital room...I had to talk to her."

"You mean about Kathy not letting her see Elliot?"

"Yes." Marie did not want to tell him what Elliot had said, let him believe it was only because of what Kathy had done.

"I can't believe she would do something like that. Elliot and Kathy? Are they...are they splitting up again?"

"I think they will, yes. He told her he did not want to see her anymore and that it was over and had been over for a long time. I think he meant it, Rhett."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I asked Liv what she would do if Elliot was ever free again..."

"What did she say?"

"She didn't answer me...and then I accused her of loving my brother more than me."

"How did she react to that?"

"She told me 'not more...just different. She told me wanted to marry me, have my babies, spend the rest of her life with me...what am I supposed to do?"

"If only it were anyone but Elliot..."

He threw his head back and laughed. "If only I had kept my surname...as soon as I told her my name was Everett Stabler, she would have been gone and never looked back...if only I had the sense to ask her partner's last name...or commented that I had brother named 'Elliot'. All of this could have been avoided."

"If only Elliot had made a move when he Kathy were separated...if only Olivia had never been partnered with Elliot...if only...if only...honey, the 'if onlys' won't solve or change anything."

"I know..." He paused. "Do you think he loves her?"

She hated to answer this question because she knew how it would hurt him. "There is no doubt in my mind that he loves her, Rhett. Do you want me to be completely honest?"

"Yea...I do...I need to know, Mom...I need to be able to face it all."

"I saw something between the two of them that I have seen only rarely in my life. Rhett, they have a very special connection, a bond...I don't know what to call it and I really cannot explain it. They have this almost innate awareness of the other...and today, today they seemed to carry on a conversation with just their eyes...no words. It was truly amazing." She stopped and looked at him. He was gazing out at the lights on the lake.

She continued. "When he was coming to the first time, after the first surgery, he was positive Liv had been injured or killed. He called her name and screamed for her. The monitors were going crazy. Nothing and no one could calm him down. The doctor finally let Olivia come to him and within seconds of him hearing her voice, touching her and seeing her, his heart rhythm slowed, his breathing became normal, he calmed down. I have never seen someone have so much affect on another person. They do love each other, Rhett...deeply. All the mess with Kathy...will take some time to work out, but I do believe Elliot is through with her...and I do believe, this time, he _will_ pursue Olivia." She could not bring herself to tell him that Elliot had told her he loved her and she could not marry Rhett, in front of several witnesses. She knew he would find out sooner or later, but she simply could not tell him that. She had already been the bearer of enough bad news.

"How do I let her go? Please...tell me how to let her go?" He whispered the words.

"Honey, you need to talk to her first...be sure that is what she wants..."

"Even if it isn't, how could I marry a woman my brother is in love with...a woman who is in love with my brother?"

"Oh, Rhett...it is so mixed up..."

"Maybe I was put in her life to make them realize what they felt for each other...maybe this is God's way of letting me make up to Sonny for being gone so long...for abandoning him. I can't...I can't marry her, Mom. I can't do that...to any of us. I would always be waiting for her to leave me or have an affair with...with my brother...with Elliot...always wondering did she still love him more...I would know that I took the woman that he is in love with...and I love my brother too much to do that. And, Olivia? I love her more than life itself. There is no way I could marry her and strip her of ever being able to find out if she and Elliot had a chance. I love her, Mom, with all my heart. I love her enough to let her go...no matter how bad it hurts me."

"Oh, honey..." Marie went to him and pulled him into another hug as their tears fell freely.

**SVU Squad Room ∙ Thursday Morning, July 17****th**

"All right people what it the latest on the Tarasov case? We should just about have our end wrapped up and the final reports ready for the FBI. Munch, Fin, fill us in on your talk with Mona Petrovsky yesterday." Cragen stood near Munch's desk with his hands in his trouser pockets.

"Yes, Sir. Elliot was right...she made him. She was with Paul the night he drugged Liv and took her to her apartment. She saw a photo of Liv and Elliot together on Liv's lamp table. That's why Elliot looked familiar to her. When she realized where she had seen him...or his picture...she knew then that he couldn't be who he said he was and must be a cop, too." Munch explained.

Olivia was upset at this news. She stared at pictures lining her desk top, lost in her thoughts. "It's my fault El got shot."

They all looked at her. "What? It is _not _your fault, Olivia!" Cragen told her.

"Yes, it is. If I hadn't had that picture of us..." She started.

"You kiddin' me? Ain't no way you can blame _yo'self_ for having pictures of _yo' _friends in _yo' _own home!" Fin stormed at her, not willing to let herself indulge in this blame game, his street talk flaring like it did when he was angry or frustrated.

"Liv...you know better than to go down that road. Nothing you did or didn't do caused Elliot to get shot. It just happened. It's the nature of the work we are in...you know that." Dean Porter had come around to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

She nodded and whispered. "You're right. I know that. You're right."

"Okay...let's move on. Any leads on our photographer, Robert Sollecito?" Cragen looked at his detectives, his eyes lingering on Olivia just a moment longer. He knew she was going to continue to blame herself for Elliot being shot.

"Well, we know he has experience in digital editing so we are relatively certain he was the one who edited those wedding pictures to make it look like it was Olivia and Rhett. Casey is getting a warrant to cover his home computer." Munch took his glasses off and began cleaning them.

"You ain't gonna b'lieve this...Rob, as he is called by everyone, is the fiancé of a Jennifer Richardson..."

As soon as Olivia heard that name, her head snapped up. She should know that name. Where had she heard it? Before she could ask, Fin continued.

"She works for CNN as a video editor and her colleague is Rhett Chapman." He finished and looked over at Olivia. She met his gaze with wide eyes.

Jen. Yes, that was it. Jen Richardson. She had met her that day at the deli when she and Dean ran into Rhett and his co-workers and they tried to make her jealous. She was engaged to one of the Sollecitos? She glanced at Dean who nodded his head at her.

"Dean and I've met her. Do you think she was involved in this?" Olivia was incredulous, remembering the pretty woman.

"Not knowingly. But, it does seem that she talked to Rob about you and Rhett and mentioned the case you were working on. Rhett must have told Ms. Richardson. We're certain that was how Rob knew who you were and could then provide personal information along with the pictures. Jennifer has to be how Paul knew Rhett was out of town that night he drugged you at the bar." Munch had taken a seat on the corner of her desk.

Olivia's eyes darted everywhere as she processed all of this information. She tried to remember what she had told Rhett about the ongoing investigation. She knew it would not have been much or very detailed because she was very cautious about doing that, knowing it could affect the case if the information fell into the wrong hands. And besides, there were legal ramifications as well, so she never gave names. No, anything she said would have been common knowledge...things that were issued in their press releases. Of this, she was certain.

"You'll have to talk to Rhett, won't you?" It was more a statement than a question. She knew they would.

"Liv...we really do not see him being involved in this...we just have to talk to him and see what he might have told Jennifer and if her story concurs with his. That's all." Dean tried to assure her.

"When's he due back?" Fin asked her, knowing she knew what they were thinking.

"He's home..." She told him. She knew they had to rule out that Rhett was somehow willingly involved with this, even though she knew he was not.

"Thought he was going to be gone three weeks?" Cragen was surprised at this information.

"He came home early because of Elliot..." She answered without looking up.

"You haven't mentioned that he..." Cragen began but was interrupted.

"He came in unannounced yesterday...I haven't seen him...yet..." She trailed off, a tightness settling in her stomach.

Cragen's eyes narrowed as he watched her. Something was up between them if she had not seen him yet and was, apparently, unaware that he was coming home early. He sensed her inner turmoil and confusion. He knew about Elliot and Kathy's fight and he was certain that his two detectives did some heavy talking, but most of this was pure speculation. He only knew that things were precarious between Olivia and Rhett now that it looked like Elliot was about to be a free man. And he hoped, however things worked out, she would find happiness. She deserved it.

The meeting over, Munch and Fin started in on their paper work. Dean turned back to the computer and began typing. Olivia followed Captain Cragen to his office.

"Captain...I've got something I need to take care of...do you mind if I take an hour or so?" She asked as she twisted her watch over and over on her wrist.

He looked at her for a long moment. "That's fine. You have plenty of leave."

"Thank you, Sir." She turned to go.

"Tell Rhett, Munch and Fin will be paying him a visit." He picked up a file from his desk and opened it.

She paused, then nodded her head and left.

**Stabler Residence ∙ Thursday Morning, July 17****th**

The shrill ringing of the telephone had Kathy running to answer it. Just minutes ago, she had laid Eli down for a nap in his playpen in the living room. She didn't want him to wake up.

She grabbed it before the second ring complete, whispering a greeting. "Hello."

"Kathy?" A male voice questioned.

"Yes." She thought she recognized the voice, but could not place it.

"This is Paul. Paul Carmen. How are you doing?" The man identified himself.

Suddenly, every nerve was on edge and the angst that settled within her caused her stomach to clench as her heart skipped a beat. Elliot had wasted no time. The girls told her had been put in a regular room yesterday afternoon and now that he had a phone, he could take care of things himself. Apparently, his first order business was their marriage. Paul Carmen was their divorce attorney.

She took a deep breath and ignored his question. "Elliot must have called you."

"Yes. I'm sorry, Kath. He told me to start proceedings again. I have some papers you need to sign. Can you come by sometime today or tomorrow? I'm going to see him today about the details. If you are still in agreement with the original terms, we can just make adjustments for Eli and things should go fairly smoothly and quickly."

The Stablers and the Carmens had been friends for years. One of their kids was in the twins class at school and that was how they had met. Paul hated to see them split again.

Kathy had to make herself answer him evenly. "I'll look over the original terms, Paul, and let you know when I come to sign the papers. I can come by late this afternoon."

"That will work. See you then, Kathy." He hung up, leaving the dial tone ringing in her ears.

She had really messed up when she kept Olivia from seeing Elliot. She knew he would be furious, but she never dreamed he would do this. She should have know him well enough to know that he would. Maureen understood what the fallout would be and she did not even have to think about it. She knew her father better than his own wife did. Kathy knew she had no one to blame but herself.

Then again, she was surprised that the strongest emotion she felt was relief. She was so sick and tired of their fighting, bickering, arguing. She still loved Elliot but she was no longer in love with him and the co-existing they had done for the last year was not how she wanted to spend the rest of her life. If splitting up meant that each of them would have the opportunity to find someone more compatible, then that would be good. She was sure he already had his 'someone' and she would find someone, too.

**Chapman Residence ∙ Thursday Morning, July 17****th**

Heart pounding, breathing difficult, stomach rolling like a ship in storm, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She had always wondered about the word angst and exactly what it meant. But, now she knew. She felt the intense emotional strife of warring withing her. She had a decision to make. Possibly the most important decision of her life. Yes. She was definitely feeling the angst. She decided she did not like the feeling and she did not like the word.

Waiting just a moment, she knocked again. His car was parked out front but he could have taken a cab, she thought. Upon her third series of knocks, she heard the locks being undone and then the door opened. Rhett stood before her in a pair of khaki cargo shorts, a worn out navy blue Atlanta Braves tee shirt and barefoot. His hair was damp, apparently, having not long ago stepped out of the shower. He looked so good. Olivia was surprised at the strength of her emotions when she saw him. She _had_ missed him. She _did_ love him. She did _not_ want to hurt him.

She was dressed for work. Purple shirt with a white tank peeking from underneath it, a thin black jacket and faded black jeans. Her badge was clipped to her belt, a tiny sliver of tanned skinned visible at her waistline. This woman would still look incredible even in the most nondescript clothing, Rhett thought to himself. Here she was looking absolutely stunning in her casual work clothes, her hair falling over her right eye. She reached to brush it back, but Rhett beat her to it. Her skin burned from his touch and she involuntarily leaned toward his hand.

It was awkward for her because she knew what he must have seen between her and Elliot. However, he did not know that she was aware of that and he wanted everything to seem the same between them. He would have given anything if it had been. He pulled her into a warm embrace, hugging her tightly. He pulled away and then framed her face with his hands, kissing her deeply. She responded to him immediately and his mind screamed that he would never be able to let her go. He broke the kiss and pulled her back to him, breathing heavily.

He began memorizing everything about her. How she fit perfectly beneath his arms, her head just at his chin, how soft yet firm she was, the fragrance of her perfume, her shampoo, her. How warm she was against him and how he could feel her breath on his chest even through his shirt. He was aware of her hands on his back, her fingers spread out, caressing him. It was going to kill him to give her up. But, he convinced himself he could do it...for her. For his brother. For himself. He could. He had no choice. Not really. And he knew that.

It felt so good to be held by him. She could not believe he was home. She felt his strong arms around her, running up her back, massaging her neck, his hands tangling in her hair. He was wearing the Paul Sebastian cologne she had given him when they had been dating a month. It was her favorite and she inhaled deeply, enjoying it. She _had _missed him and she _did_ love him. Very much. But, yes, she loved Elliot more. Rhett's kiss was sweet, yet, it seemed desperate, too. Perhaps, he knew, as she suspected, it may be their last.

"Oh, Rhett...I missed you so much." She whispered against him.

"I missed you, too, Liv. More than you know." He kissed the top of her head, hairs tickling his face.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?" She stayed close to him, still talking into his chest.

"I tried...but international phone service is really screwed up...then I decided to surprise you instead." His eyes were closed, just enjoying the feel of her in his arms.

She gently pulled away from him. "Rhett, I have to talk to you about something...I..."

He cut her off. "Okay, but I have something to tell you first..."

He led her to the living room and motioned for her to sit down. She stared at him and then looked at the seat. "Thanks, but think I'd rather stand." She had the feeling this was not going to be good.

He took a couple of steps, coming to stand about three feet from her. He took her hands in his, intertwining them. "Okay. Before I left for this assignment, I was offered a position which I turned down. It's only a year long detail, but I've reconsidered it and decided that it is too good of an opportunity to pass up."

"Why would you have passed it up to start with?" She asked, her stomach roiling now.

"It's...uh...it's...in London...and I knew you wouldn't want to go...leave your job...and I couldn't ask you to do that for me." He took a deep breath, released her left hand and reached out to touch her left cheek with his right hand.

"So, you made that decision without even talking to me about it?" She put her hand over his.

"Liv, I could never ask you to give up your career to further mine. And I was doing fine in New York." His eyes were beautiful, but from the darker blue she knew he was anguished.

"But, now you can?" She was a bit confused, not quite understanding the implication of his announcement.

He smiled a slow, sad smile and took her face in his hands once again. She wrapped her hands around his forearms.

"I'm not asking you to come with me, Liv. I know you won't. You can't. You have to be here for Elliot." His eyes were shimmering with unshed tears and he blinked rapidly in an effort to hold them back.

When the realization of what he was doing hit her, tears spurted from her eyes and she turned her head to wipe them away. He kissed her lips, her nose, her forehead, then pulled her away so he could look into her eyes. He was giving her an out, making himself the bad guy, instead of her. He was letting her go. He was giving her the freedom to go to Elliot. His brother. It hurt. Oh, how it hurt! Her. Him. She was devastated. Relieved. Crushed. Grateful.

"You saw us...in the hospital..." She spoke softly, not sure if it was a question or a statement.

"Yea..." He looked deeply into her eyes. "Liv...I have never loved a woman...anyone...like I love you. I will always love you. And I will always be there for you if you ever need me...for anything. But, we can't..._I_ can't do this...I can't marry you knowing you are in love with my brother and he with you."

He paused, watching as her chin began to quiver and tears continued streaming down her face. "I know there has been something between the two of you for a long time...maybe even longer than you guys realize. I love my brother and I don't want to hurt him...I never meant to fall in love with the woman he loved, too. And I do love you, Liv, enough to give you a chance to be with him. I love you enough to let you go."

The sobs came from deep within, tearing a piece of her heart and soul out as they ripped from her and she collapsed into Rhett's arms. She felt his body shaking and trembling with hers and his own sobs only magnified her pain. They clung to each other for what seemed to be an eternity...until their sobbing became crying and their crying, at long last, ceased, the last tear spent. Then they just held each other, tightly. Caressing, patting, squeezing, holding on to each other, knowing that once they let go, they would be finished. There would be no Liv and Rhett. It would be over. It had to be over.

xxxxxx


	37. Anew

**Chapter 37 - Anew**

**Benson Residence ∙ Thursday Morning, July 17****th**

Since seeing Rhett last night, her mind was caught in overdrive. She realized he had allowed them both to save face, to some degree anyway, by choosing to take the detail to London. He knew she would not leave SVU and Elliot, and this way he did not have to be around them, worrying about running into them in town or at family get togethers. She knew it would be awkward for all of them, but perhaps, after some time had passed, it would become easier. She turned over in the bed, stretching, yawning and checking the time on the clock. Six-ten. She needed to get up, shower and get ready if she was going to have time to go by the hospital for a bit before going to the station. She couldn't wait to see Elliot.

As she stretched, the light from the morning sun streamed through her window caused the sparkling stones on her engagement ring to come alive. Holding up her hand, watching as the light reflected from the beautiful piece of jewelry, she, unexpectedly, felt a lump in her throat. She had tried to give it back to Rhett, but he would not hear of it. He told her it was a gift bought specifically for her and he did not want it back. She could not keep it, she knew. Elliot would never understand it and she didn't _want _to keep it although it _was_ beautiful. They finally agreed that they would put it up for auction and give half of the money to the Childrens' War Fund for orphans of war. The other half would go to a charity Olivia supported, the Joyful Heart Foundation, that helped victims of rape.

She had yet to take off the ring. She sat up, throwing the covers off and letting her bare legs dangle over the side of the bed. She held her left hand out in front of her. She sighed deeply, then let her right thumb and index finger frame the ring for just a second before she slowly twisted it and removed it from her hand. She held it up, scrutinizing it. So many things had happened, so many things had changed in the three weeks since Rhett had asked her to marry him. In just a short time, they had broken their engagement.

In some ways, she wished she had never met him because it hurt too much to hurt him, and yes, to lose him. On the other hand, he had shown her parts about herself that she never knew existed as well as reminded her about things about herself she had forgotten. She had lost a fiancé, yet, she was not even sure what she and Elliot were...and the way she left him yesterday...telling him she needed time, she was not even sure he would still want her. She held it between her thumb and index finger, admiring it. Then she opened her night stand and pulled out the box it had come in and returned the ring to its one time home. When she closed the box, she felt like it was symbolic of closing the door on Rhett. She sighed heavily and closed the drawer.

She flopped back on her bed and lay there, staring at the ceiling and wondering if Elliot were awake, yet. She wanted to see him, touch him, talk to him, just be with him. She smiled to herself thinking about him, this man who had held her heart for so long. Her cell phone rang, not bothering to check the caller I.D., she answered it with her last name.

"Benson."

Her voice was still husky with sleep and he found himself wishing he was there to wake up beside her. Perhaps soon. Very soon.

"Liv...did I wake you?" Elliot asked, smiling to himself.

Her smile broke quickly over her face. "No...just laying here...thinking."

"Oh...what are you thinking about?" His voice was low and gravelly.

"Mmmm...I don't know..." She answered lazily, not wanting to tell him.

"Sure you do...you were thinking about me." He teased, the smile evident in his voice.

She paused for a moment. "You _really _think I was thinking about _you_?"

"I'm right and you know I'm right, Benson." He was laughing.

"Mighty sure of yourself, Stabler." She laughed, too.

"Naw...just hoping...'cause...I was sure thinking of you." He softly admitted.

He heard her sudden intake of breath, but when she did not respond, he spoke again. "I was calling to see if you were going to come by before you went to work?"

"Yea...I am. I was just about to start getting ready." She answered.

"Good...I'll see you soon, then."

"Give me about forty-five minutes."

"Okay...hey...can you bring me some_ real _coffee?"

"Sure...see you in a little bit."

"Okay. Bye, Liv."

"Bye...uh...El?"

"Yea..."

"I _was _thinking about you, too."

She flipped the phone closed and bit her lower lip as she smiled. She enjoyed this...flirting openly...teasing...admitting to being enamored by him.

**CNN Headquarters ∙ Office of Rhett Chapman ∙ Thursday Morning, July 17****th**

Rhett was late getting to work. He had gotten very little sleep last night after he and Olivia broke their engagement. He doubted he would be much use at the office but maybe, just maybe something there would hold his attention long enough to get her out of his mind if even for only thirty seconds. Unzipping the case, he pulled his laptop out and set it into the docking station on his desk. He turned it on and while it booted up, he pulled some files, photographs and video cards out and began separating them. He had only been there ten minutes when his desk phone rang.

"Rhett Chapman."

"Hey, Rhett. Someone told me they saw you come in..." Her voice was soft and quiet.

"Jen, hey! How're you doing?" Jen was his best buddy from work.

"I know you just got here and all...but I...uh...can I come talk to you?" She asked hesitantly.

"Uh...yea...sure...come on." He was a bit worried by the tone of her voice.

Minutes later, Jennifer Richardson, appeared at his door. He met her halfway and embraced her. "Good to see you, Jen."

She smiled as she returned his hug. "Glad you are home safe and sound. I heard that you had a family emergency, but no one knew what."

"My brother. He was shot." He put his hands in his front pant's pockets, frowning.

"Oh! I am so sorry, Rhett! What happened?" Concerned filled her eyes and voice.

He squinted at her. They worked for one of the leading news outlets in the world and she did not know? "You're kidding, right?"

She looked at him oddly, like he was crazy. "Kidding about what?"

"You don't know? You heard about the FBI sting with the bar owners involved in prostitution and human trafficking..."

"Yes...that was the case that Olivia was in charge of...it's been all over the news." She told him.

Then he remembered that she did not know about him changing his surname, nor did she know Elliot was his brother because he didn't realize everything until the July 4th holiday and he left for Afghanistan right after that. He had not even seen Jen before he left. So, of course, she did not know.

He nodded his head. "Right...and her partner, Elliot Stabler..." He began.

"He's NYPD but was working with the FBI undercover and got shot...some detectives talked to me about all of that because they somehow thought you leaked information to me that you had gotten from Olivia." She explained.

"What? What do you mean 'leaked'? I never told you anything confidential because she never told me anything that could compromise her case!" He did not like what she seemed to be implying.

"Rhett...they arrested Rob...he's going to prison for life..." Tears began falling from her eyes.

"What?" He looked at her, unable to grasp what she was telling him. "Your Rob?"

"Yes...his family is a co-owner of all those bars...and he took the pictures of you and Olivia and altered the other ones putting your faces on the other bodies and I didn't know...I didn't know him at all, Rhett! I was going to marry a killer...a murderer...a Mafioso! But I didn't know what he was. I didn't know!" She was crying so hard now he was barely able to understand her. She wiped angrily at the tears, sniffling as she fell into a chair near his desk.

He stood there staring at her, letting the words begin to register in his mind. "Rob is a Sollecito?" He asked in disbelief. "I'm sorry, Jen...so sorry."

She nodded, still wiping tears away. He sat down in the chair beside her and pulled her into a hug as he wondered how long it would be before the SVU or FBI questioned him. Of course, they would. They had to make sure he had not purposefully given Jen information that she in turn gave Rob to help them figure out who they were trying to intimidate...or worse.

"Elliot is my brother." The revelation was made in a very quiet voice.

Jen's head lifted to meet his stare, the shock registering in her eyes as she realized what this meant. "Your _brother_?" He had told her that Olivia and her partner had the potential of being together a couple of years ago. "Oh, Rhett...I'm sorry...are you and Olivia okay?"

His head fell backward and he laughed a mirthless laugh. "No...we broke up last night..."

The compassion in her voice nearly made him let loose of the tears burning his eyes. "I am so sorry, Rhett..."

"Yea...me, too. And, uh...I'm sorry to hear Rob was involved in this..." His voice was shaky and he seem lost.

"Well...at least I found out before I ended up a member of the 'family'!" She tried to laugh, but sobs came out instead. Rhett pulled her to him and tried to comfort her.

The intercom on his phone buzzed, but he ignored it to continue trying to soothe Jen. A few minutes later, the receptionist knock lightly on the door frame.

"Mr. Chapman, you have visitors..." She looked nervous.

"I don't have any appointments scheduled...make them one for next week and tell them I'll see them then." He told her. He still had an arm around Jen as he reached for a tissue and handed it to her.

"Sir, I don't think..." The receptionist tried to explain.

"What the girl's trying to say, is the NYPD don't make no appointments...for nobody." Fin's hard street attitude caught Rhett's attention.

Rhett and Jen stood. "Looking mighty cozy here...how about you stay, Ms. Richardson. We'll kill the proverbial two birds with one stone." Munch plastered on a phony smile.

Forty-five minutes later, Munch and Fin had finished interviewing the two and were wrapping it up. They had let Jen leave after talking with her because they wanted to see if Rhett would talk to them about him and Olivia.

"Look...I know Liv is your colleague, your friend...but I just don't feel at liberty to discuss our relationship with you. It is not part of the investigation and I think you should talk to her about us." He was firm on that issue.

"We aren't asking from a professional basis...this is personal. We just don't want to see Liv get hurt..." Munch told him.

"It's too late for that...there's enough hurt to go around for everyone." He sighed and his eyes filled with tears. Munch felt sorry for him.

"Man, just so you know...we're really sorry about the way things turned out..." Fin apologized.

"Me, too." He stood and ran his hands through his hair. "If you're finished, I have a lot of things to catch up on."

"Sure. Thanks." Munch told him and they headed out the door.

"Munch, Fin...you guys...take care of Liv...don't let Sonny...uh...I mean, Elliot, hurt her, okay." He spoke quietly and looked down at the floor.

Munch nodded as Fin looked on. "You got it, pal." He assured him.

Once they were gone, Rhett stood at the window, looking out at the city skyline. He knew what he had to do, but the anxiety settled over him like a heavy blanket. No matter. He had to what he had to do.

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Thursday Morning, July 17****th**

It was hospital food. Unappealing. Tasteless. Disgusting. He picked at it trying to see if he could possibly bring himself to eat it because he was hungry, starving. He wished he had asked Olivia to bring him something to eat along with the coffee. He pushed the tray away, just as she entered the room.

"What's the matter, Stabler? Not man enough to eat the food in this joint?" She teased, her hands behind her back as she walked toward him.

"Are you?" He teased back.

She shook her head. "Tsk, tsk, tsk...that was not nice, Elliot. Not nice at all. And, here I came bearing gifts of caffeine and..." She pulled a white paper bag from behind her and peeked inside as the aroma reached Elliot's senses. "Bacon, egg and cheese biscuits, hash browns, cini-minis and orange juice. Good thing I'm starving!"

"Oh, Liv...that sounds great and smells so good! I was just wishing I had asked you to bring food." He grinned at her as he motioned with his hands for her to come to him.

"I bet you wish you had been nice to me, now, huh?" She remained where she was and took a biscuit out, unwrapped it and took a bite, chewing slowly and moaning. "Mmmm...oh...this is so good."

"Great. Just great. I have to go and fall in love with a cruel and evil woman!" He leaned his head back on his pillow and turned his face away.

Olivia nearly choked on the biscuit. Swallowing the bite, she wiped her mouth with a scratchy napkin from the bag. "Gee, Stabler, I'm not sure how to react to that...I mean, admitting you are in love with me...well, that's good...very good." Her voice was very low, her left eyebrow raised.

She began walking slowly over to his bedside. "But then you go and insult me all over again..." She frowned at him. "Just how do you intend to make up for that indiscretion?"

"Why don't you come a little closer and see?" He taunted her, waggling his eyebrows at her.

She put the bag of food on the table and then leaned over him, one hand on either side of him. "This close enough?"

He pulled her to him, holding her close, smoothing her hair, kissing her cheek. After a couple of minutes, he released her. "Hmmm...yea, that'll do...for now."

He had wanted to kiss her properly, but he was not quite sure about what she expected or what she would allow just yet. After all, when she left yesterday, she had told him she was confused and needed some time. He could give her time...he had been waiting for years to have a chance, any chance with her.

Though he had let her go, she stayed hovering over him. Taking his face in her hands, she whispered. "Yea...well, it wasn't nearly close enough for me." She leaned down and kissed him, really kissed him.

Elliot was so shocked, it took a minute for him to respond. When he did, his arms went around her, pulling her down onto the bed beside him as his hands ran through her hair. He had never had a kiss like this, one that sent chills through him at the same time that it set his blood on fire. He did not understand how it was possible, but he loved this woman more each day. He prayed that this kiss meant she had made her decision about them and was willing to take a chance on taking their relationship to a new level. She finally pulled away, smiling at him.

"Wow! Gonna have to come up with a whole new repertoire of insults if this is what making up will be like!" He grinned lazily, playing with her fingers, he noticed something was missing. The ring. Her engagement ring was gone. His heart began pounding faster and he wanted to ask about it, but he knew she would tell him when she was ready.

Olivia just smiled as she pulled the table back over the bed and reached for the bag of food. She handed him a biscuit, put the cini-minis and bowls of hash browns on the table, and pulled the foil top off of the two orange juice containers.

The news was on and Elliot turned up the volume when Olivia's picture flashed on the screen. "You know you're famous now..." He told her, nodding at the television.

She glanced behind her. "Thankfully, it's my academy picture from so long ago, hopefully, no one will recognize me." Laughing, she put the sound back on mute, not wanting to be reminded of the night she almost lost Elliot.

She sat on the edge of his bed, facing him as they ate. She wondered what had gotten into her when she kissed him. She did not know for certain what he was going to do about him and Kathy and he was still married. They should not be kissing. If they were going to have a romantic relationship, she wanted to go slow, give them time to mend their friendship first and then see where it took them. She noticed his eyes seemed to be drawn to her left hand. It took several glances before she realized why. The ring was gone. She had taken it off just this morning and Elliot noticed it was missing. He always had noticed everything about her. She grinned to herself and that did not go unnoticed either.

"Care to tell me why you are smiling like a Cheshire cat?" He popped a cini-mini in his mouth.

"Care to tell me why you keep staring at my hand?" She countered, taking a swallow of her orange juice.

He sputtered, choking just a bit on the sweet roll. He coughed, pounding himself in the chest and then downed the rest of his juice and then the coffee.

"How many years have you been swallowing, now?" She teased, knowing he could not make a retort.

He rolled his eyes at her, still coughing. When he was finally back to some semblance of normality, he spoke, his voice cracking and squeaking. "Very funny. You're a regular comedienne, Liv. Just don't quit your day job, yet."

He reached over and took her left hand in his and curled his thumb and index finger around her ring finger. He looked deep into her eyes. Then he bent his head at the same time he pulled her hand to him and placed a soft kiss where the engagement ring had been just yesterday when he saw her. Just yesterday when she had told him she was confused, that she needed some time. Just yesterday, when he was not even sure he really had a chance at being with her.

She watched as he placed the kiss on her finger and then intertwined his hand with hers. She stared at their joined hands, memorizing how different they were. Her fingers were long and slender, her skin a dark, smooth complexion, a small straight scar on her middle finger. The faint outline of lighter skin where the ring had been, contrasted with her tanned hand. Her nails were neither short nor long, yet manicured and polished. His hands were wide, the fingers long and thick...strong hands. His complexion was lighter with just a hint of a tan, a few freckles scattered across them along with countless scars, old and new. His nails were short and neatly trimmed. He watched her. She finally looked up and their eyes met. Blue. Brown. He waited.

Afer what seemed like forever, but was, in reality, only about two minutes, she spoke quietly. "Rhett's taking a job in London."

Elliot was silent, his eyes never leaving hers.

"It was his way of giving me an out...he knew I would never leave New York or SVU or...or..." She trailed off, the lump in her throat aching.

Elliot reached up and brushed her bangs out of her eyes that had fallen, hiding her right eye. "Or?"

Taking a deep breath, she answered. "You. He knew I would never leave you. He saw us that day after you and Kathy argued..." Her gaze fell to their hands as she rubbed his hand with her free one.

"Hmmm." He paused, a million thoughts flying in his head. "Liv...this...us...we...you and me...this has got to be something you want. Not something you're settling for just because he's leaving." Elliot chose his words carefully, keeping his voice soft, quiet.

Her head lifted quickly, her eyes locking with his. "Settling? You think I think that being with you is settling?" Her voice was raised.

"Liv...I just need...I _have_ to know that you are with me because you love me more than him...not because you can't have him...not because he took that option away...I can't be with you, thinking that you would go back to him if things got tough between us." He knew the words were coming out all wrong and he was afraid she would misunderstand and get angry and they would fight. Or worse, she would run again.

"Elliot...I have been in love with you for so long, no way would I be settling. I was going to tell him I could not marry him and that we needed to call it quits, but he beat me to it. But, he knows, El. He knows I love you. I told him at the lake. He was willing to live with it." She sighed. "This is such a big mess, huh?"

"We'll get through it. We will, Olivia. I promise." He kissed her hand. "I called the divorce attorney. He brought some papers by yesterday. I signed them. Kathy signed, too. He's going to file them in court today or tomorrow. It'll take some time, but we are going through with it. We should have never gotten back together."

"Oh, El... I hate that is has come to this...for the kids...and even for you and Kathy. I just don't want to be the reason..." She was interrupted by Elliot.

"Olivia, you are not the reason our marriage busted up. It took a long time for it to die...it started before I ever knew you. It's dead now. Someone just had to have the guts to admit it." He pulled her to him and just held her.

"El...can we take this slow? Sort of start anew? I mean...we've been at such odds the last couple of years...I just want...to be friends again...you know, like we used to be in the beginning. Laughing, joking..."

"Flirting?" He asked suggestively.

"Yes, flirting. Bantering, arguing, just being together, enjoying each other, you know?" She smiled that brilliant smile, her eyes twinkling.

"Friends? You broke an engagement, I'm getting a divorce...and you want to be...friends?" He acted like he was incredulous at this idea.

"El..."

"You want friends, you got it. I _want _to be your friend again, Liv. And you're right. We should take it slow. We need to secure the friendship we had...have before we do anything else." He agreed.

"Thank you, Elliot." She kissed his cheek and pulled away, looking at her watch. "Oh, no! I have got to get to the house! I'm late! Cragen's going to kill me!"

She stood up, cleared the remains of their breakfast, hugged Elliot and was nearly out the door when he called her name.

"Liv?" He called out.

She stopped and looked back at him. He had the biggest smirk on his face. "What?"

The smirk became even broader, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. "That's friends...uh...with benefits, right?"

She rolled her eyes and closed the door behind her as she left.

**SVU Squad Room ∙ Thursday Morning, July 17****th**

When she arrived at work nearly an hour late, she was surprised to find that neither Munch nor Fin were there. She glanced over at Cragen's office. He had his head buried in a file folder. Little ever escaped his attention, but she thought she might be able to pull this off if she were quiet enough. She tried to sneak in without calling attention to herself. Just as she got to her desk and pulled out the chair, she heard him.

"Benson! Need you in here! Now!" Cragen barked.

She bit her lower lip and rolled her eyes, not where he could see, of course. She threw her keys and cell phone on her desk and went to his office. He motioned for her to sit down as he shut the door behind her.

"Good morning, Captain." She said quietly, wondering what kind of trouble she was in.

"Good morning, Liv. How's Elliot? I am assuming you went by to see him and that is why you are late..." He went to his desk and sat on the edge, just in front of her.

"He's doing okay...they are going to started physical therapy this afternoon. You know he does not make a good patient." She chuckled and Cragen smiled.

"I called you in here to let you know that Munch and Fin went to talk to Rhett this morning." He watched her closely, to see how she would react.

"We broke up last night." She told him, looking down at the floor, she slowly lifted her eyes to his.

He held her gaze and nodded slightly. "You okay with that?"

"Yes...he would always have been my second choice." She smiled just a slight smile.

"Yea..." He stood and went behind his desk and picked up a file. "This is a letter from the FBI field office supervisor. Seems they got together with the NYPD brass and they want to honor the SVU, particularly you at a dinner next month. This is quite an honor, Olivia. I wanted you to know how proud I am of your tenacity to this case, trusting your gut. We felt like this was going to be a big case early on, but I never dreamed it would encompass what it has." He grinned and handed her the letter.

She felt herself blushing, but the grin on her face, told him she was pleased. "Wow...this is an honor...but I was just doing my job, Sir."

"And you did good, Detective." He smiled and winked at her. "Very good."

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Staber's Room ∙ Thursday Afternoon, July 17****th**

He was exhausted after the physical therapy session. He knew they would push him, he just didn't realize they were going to be drill sergeants. In fact, he would take any of his Marine boot camp drill sergeants over that young PT any day. Her name tag said 'Carrie'. Her youth, sweet voice and cuteness belied a monster lurking beneath. He protested and she pushed. He moaned and she insisted. He begged and she threatened to keep him longer. This was just for his shoulder. Therapy on his leg would have to wait until they put the removable cast on. He could only imagine what she would have him doing for his leg. He was asleep nearly the instant they moved him back to bed.

Awake now, he looked out the window at the clear blue sky and wished he could be up and out. He wished he were in the field with Olivia again. Checking out leads, busting perps, catching lunch at Moretti's. Then he thought about them and their changing relationship. If things panned out like he hoped, their days as partners were limited. As much as he hated to think about that, the thought of being with her during the times he was not at work, outweighed his desire to remain her partner. He may be getting ahead of himself anyway. They could still be partners for a while. No one needed to know about them. He laughed to himself. Was he kidding? Everyone already knew about them. Some of them before they realized it. His head turned toward the door at the sound of soft knocking. Someone stepped inside. Rhett.

He sat up straighter in his bed. He did not know what to say. They had never even talked after they realized that they both knew Olivia, that Elliot's partner was dating his brother, that Rhett's fiance's partner was his brother. They had never talked since realizing they were in love with the same woman

"Sonny...how are you doing?" Rhett asked quietly.

" I got shot twice and nearly cashed in, how do you think I'm doing?" He replied sarcastically.

"Look...I didn't come here to fight. I just wanted to see how you are doing and to let you know I'm sorry about what happened to you. Is there anything I can do for you?" Rhett had stepped closer to his bed.

"Haven't you done enough already?" Elliot snapped.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rhett's voice kicked up a notch.

"You've done enough to me to last a lifetime, Manny! First leaving and then...then..." He growled, his eyes fiery with anger and he could not make himself finish his sentence.

"Listen...I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for bailing out on you and Mom and the others. I just couldn't take Dad any more...his drunkenness, hitting Mom and especially, when he told me I wasn't his son any more!" Tears began falling from his eyes and he wiped at them furiously, mad that he let his brother see him cry.

"He what?" Elliot asked, his brows knit together in a deep frown.

"What?" Rhett asked, confused, raking the back of his hand across his nose.

"Dad told you, you weren't his son anymore?" Elliot repeated what Rhett had said, letting the words sink in.

"Yea...that's why I left...why I changed my name...why...why I couldn't bring myself to come back." He ran his hands through his hair.

"I thought you just wanted out...you didn't care about us...about Mom." He trailed off, as everything suddenly began to make sense.

"No! That was not it, at all, Sonny! I just...I was...I was young and stupid and foolish. I wasted a lot of years...I'm sorry. I understand if you can't forgive me, but please...you have to believe me...I never meant to hurt you. Or Mom or anybody. Ever. You were my best bud, little brother. My best bud..." He trailed off as the lump in his throat took on epic proportions.

Elliot was dealing with his own lump and it was going to take an act of Congress to get a word out around it and besides that, tears were blurring his vision. His brother looked up at him and saw the tears streaming down his face and that was all it took for the floodgates to open. Here they were, two former Marines, staring at each other, sniffling and bawling their eyes out. Elliot held a hand out to him. To his big brother. His best bud. Rhett made it to his bedside in two long strides and they embraced. For the first time in nearly twenty years, they embraced.

Several minutes passed with them hugging and just holding on to each other. At last, they released each other and talked some more about Rhett leaving. It took awhile but the conversation finally turned to Olivia.

"If I had known you were in love with her, I never would have pursued her. You know that." Rhett sat on the edge of his bed, right where Liv had sat earlier.

"I know. You had no idea...and I am married...was married...whatever I am...signed papers yesterday and so did Kathy. I'm sorry about you and Olivia." Elliot told him, looking away.

"You are?" Rhett questioned.

"Yea...well, sort of. I mean, I hate that you guys broke up...that...look, she loves you, man." Elliot looked back at him.

"No...she loves you. Been in love with you forever." Rhett corrected him.

"I mean...she...Liv doesn't fall easy...and I watched her fall...hard and fast. She does love you..." He did hate that his brother was hurting over this.

"Yea...even Mom said Liv is in love with us both...but, Elliot, she really loves you...and I hope it will all work out for the two of you. I do." He smiled and nodded his head.

"But you love her, too...and I know this has hurt you, man..."

"Yes...I love her...enough to let her go...to be with the man she loved long before me. I've been hurt before...I'll get over it, eventually." In his heart, he knew he would never get over Olivia Benson. Not completely, anyway.

His head back, staring at the ceiling, Elliot did not respond.

"You just better treat her right...you got that?" Rhett told him. "Or you'll answer to me."

Elliot just looked at him, nodded, and laid back against his pillow. After a long moment, he raised up and looked at his brother. "So...are we good?"

Rhett extended his hand. "Yea...we're good." They shook hands and then pulled each other into another embrace, relieved that their relationship was on the mend. They could start anew and be brothers again...and maybe even, with time, best buds.

eoeoeoeoeoeo

A/N: Sorry it has taken a little long to update this. I had most of the chapter written but had a bit of a problem with the flow. Hope it is all right now. If it smooths things over a bit, I already have the next chapter finished...cause I wrote it before this one! I truly appreciate the time you take to review. " ) Bensler

P.S. I finally got accepted on SVU Fiction! I was so excited! And if you haven't already, please check out my 'short' story - "Illusions of Reality". " )


	38. Acclimated

Chapter 38 - Acclimated

**Beth Israel Hospital ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Thursday Morning, ****July 24****th**

"I'm sorry, Maureen, but I do _not _want to see or talk to your mother. We can take care of everything that needs to be done through the attorney." Intent with the business at hand, he did not look up at her as he spoke.

Elliot stacked a bright green plastic block on top the other two and tickled Eli as his chubby hand knocked them over, giggling. The nurses had rolled another bed into the room and pushed it up against Elliot's to let Eli be close enough to sit and play with his daddy. Elliot was out of traction, but the heavy cast remained. Maureen had been bringing him nearly every day since Elliot was moved into a regular room. This was only the second time he had felt up to actually playing with his son. He was slowly on the mend.

"Dad, she said she just wants to see you and know that you are going to be alright. She needs to talk to you, that's all." She understood her Dad's reluctance, but she wanted to placate her Mom, too. Kathy told her she wanted to apologize for her actions.

Elliot looked at her with a questioning gaze, his blue eyes narrowed. "Maureen, you're not thinking your Mom and I will get back together, are you? Because, if you are, I gotta tell you..."

"No. No, Dad. That's not it. I know you and Mom are over and that you and Olivia are together and..." She debated on how much to let on that she knew and decided it did not matter anymore. It was time for it all to be out in the open.

"Whoa! Whoa! What are you talking about? Liv and I are not 'together'." His hands marked quotation signs in the air as he shook his head.

He wasn't lying. They weren't. He was not sure what they were, but he would not assume they were 'together'. He did know their relationship had shifted and he was sure it was a good thing, but...well...he was going to sit tight and see where it took them. They had not really talked about 'them' since last Thursday when she told him she wanted to take it slow. And she had not kissed him again, either. Nor let him kiss her.

But, they had fallen into a daily routine. Unless something with work prevented it, she came by with breakfast nearly every morning. When time permitted, and she seemed determined that it would, she was there for lunch and dinner as well. She would stay with him until around ten each evening, keeping him company. They had started playing Scrabble every evening, keeping a running tally of who was the winner because the loser had to pay for a night out at the winner's restaurant and function of choice.

Maureen rolled her eyes and leaned over to pick up a block Eli had thrown on the floor. "Daddy, come on. I'm not six years old...I see the way the two of you look at each other and I know how upset you were when you found out Uncle Manny and Liv were going to get married, so don't..."

"What? I wasn't upset about Liv and Manny..." His denial was weak at best and they both knew it.

"I saw you, Daddy. In the woods..." She paused, letting him process what she said and what that meant.

He pulled Eli to him and kissed the top of his head. He could not look Maureen in the eye. "That was...private...you should not have..." He shook his head and kissed Eli again.

She moved closer and took one of his hands. "I didn't mean to...I knew you were upset and I was worried...so I followed you...I never meant to intrude like that...Dad...every one knows you and Olivia care about each other."

"What do you mean?" He was annoyed at her statement. Annoyed that any one was watching what was going on with him and Olivia.

"Dr. Tharpe sees it. Munch and Fin see it. Even Grandma sees it. You're in love with her." She told him quietly. "She loves you, too, Dad."

He started to deny it again, but decided it was no use. She was right. Every one knew about them. He knew it was written all over his face. And hers as well. And Maureen somehow knew Liv felt the same. Looking up at his oldest child, he smiled and pulled her to him. "Yea..."

**St. Peter's Rehabilitation Center ∙ Elliot Stabler's Room ∙ Friday Morning, August 1****st**

Marie was there with Emily and Erin. They were helping Elliot get settled into the small room that had a kitchenette, a small couch and television, a bed and a private bathroom. He had been released from the hospital to the rehabilitation center. Dr. Tharpe knew the physical therapy regimen for his leg would be rigorous and he felt better having Elliot at the center where he would be able to start moving around and negotiating his balance and strength on his own, yet would have trained professionals at hand 24/7. This way the PT could be even more intense and therefore, he would get stronger quicker and be back on the job sooner.

The twins had started back to school Wednesday and Kathy had gone back to work today. A neighbor with a child just a bit older, was keeping Eli. As much as he did not want her to go back to work when she first mentioned it months ago, he was now thankful that she did. With the divorce, she needed to have a job. Elliot had been totally shocked when a week and a half after signing the papers, Paul Carmen brought him the final divorce decree. He thought Paul was kidding him. It turned out that neither he nor Kathy had stopped the original proceedings and all that was necessary for the divorce to be finalized was to have a judge's signature and file it with the court clerk. So, just two days ago, July 30, he and Kathy were officially divorced. He remembered that night when he told Olivia.

He had told the nurses he wanted to celebrate. Somehow they managed to come up with a steak dinner, complete with baked potatoes, salads, strawberry cheesecake and even a bottle of wine and some candles. It was all set up when Olivia arrived that night with a sackful of hamburgers...which the nurses divvied up between them. She had been thrilled at how he managed it put it all together. She thought he was celebrating the fact that he was being released from the hospital. They talked and laughed as they enjoyed their meal and Elliot could not quit staring at her.

"What? Do I have strawberries dribbling from my chin or something?" She was self-conscious about his gaze.

"No. I was just thinking how lucky I am...to have you in my life...as my partner...my best friend...my whatever else we become." He grinned and motioned for her to sit on the bed beside him.

She laughed a bit embarrassedly. "You're nuts, you know that?"

"About you."

He shifted over, giving her room and as she sat, he took her right hand in his and turned it, palm up, kissed it and then laid the folded papers with the blue cover in her hand. Puzzled, she just looked at him.

He nodded at the papers in her hand. "Open them."

She slowly unfolded them and as her eyes raked over the larger writing at the top of the first page, she cocked her left eyebrow, her eyes becoming wide with surprise as she saw the words 'Judgement of Divorce - Final Decree'. Skimming down to the beginning line of the document she saw 'Stabler vs. Stabler'.

Looking up from the papers, she spoke quietly. "How? How so soon?"

"Seems the process was never stopped...all it took was a judge's signature. It's final, Liv. Kathy and I are over." He smiled but she would not look at him. "Liv?"

She stood and shook her head. "Gee, Elliot...I don't know what to say. I mean, 'congratulations' doesn't seem right...or 'that's great, El'...I mean, what do you _want_ me to say?"

Her eyes were flitting all over the room, she was suddenly fidgety, raking her hands through her hair, exhaling deeply and when she finally met his eyes with hers, what he saw worried him. She was scared. He knew what she did when she was scared. And that terrified him.

"I want you to...no...I need you to...just tell me you aren't going run, Liv. Okay. Just tell you'll be here tonight and tomorrow and the next day and the day after that...please. Liv?" He was begging, pleading.

She turned away from him. Her mind was reeling with this information. It can take up to a year, sometimes longer for a divorce to be finalized in New York. She thought she had time to process all of this, to renew their friendship, to become acclimated to a real relationship with Elliot before he was officially free. She _was_ frightened Of her feelings for him. They were so intense. Of him. He was her air, her water, her blood. Essential to her survival. She was scared of 'them'. They fought and argued and ticked each other off. What if they couldn't make it? Yet, they always came back for each other. Always fixed each other. She loved him. She wanted him. She needed him. She could do this. Would do this. Take a chance on 'them'. On her and Elliot.

She turned back to face him and looked at him for the longest time. His eyes were big with fear. She knew he expected her to run and her heart hurt for him. She _was_ going to run. She was going to...but this time, this time she was going to run straight into his arms. And that is exactly what she did.

When she was in his arms, he felt himself begin to breathe again, felt his heart begin to beat again. Then he heard her, softly, quietly whisper. "I'm not going anywhere, El."

He kissed the top of her head and hugged her closer. He could not speak because of the lump in his throat. The stinging in his eyes, he knew were tears begging for release.

"El...I still want to take it slow...okay?" She asked, snuggling into his chest.

He swallowed hard. "Anything you want, baby. Anything you want."

**O'Reilly's Bar ∙ Friday, August 22****nd**

Three weeks later the SVU crew was meeting at O'Reilly's for a drink before heading to the Roosevelt Hotel for the awards dinner that the FBI and the NYPD were having in their and the FBI agents' honor. Olivia simply could not believe it. When Dean told her what his director and the NYPD commissioner had planned, she was speechless. It was going to be a huge, formal extravaganza. Normally, this type of function would mean dragging out her uniform, instead she got to dress up and eat a gourmet meal at a fancy hotel. The FBI wanted to be sure everyone knew what an important role the SVU, as a whole and Detective Olivia Benson, in particular, played in this case.

Leaning on the bar, Fin, dressed completely in white, ran a finger under his starched tuxedo shirt. "Why can't someone come up with a starch that ain't so scratchy?"

Munch, dressed in a traditional black tux and white shirt, leaned over him and grinned. "Maybe if you dressed up more often you would be used to the finer things in life."

"And maybe if you just take this stiff shirt and stick it..." Fin retorted, a frown settling on his face.

"Okay, kids. That's enough." Cragen sounded authoritative, but it lost it's edge when he could not contain his smile.

Casey laughed at them. Their bickering and bantering never ceased to amuse her. She had come straight from work and had changed into a simple, but elegant black dress that was very becoming on her. The guys had expressed their approval and she was satisfied. It did not really matter to her though, because this was Liv's night. She was so proud of her friend.

Cragen was in his dress blue uniform, decorated with nearly forty years of medals and ribbons. The NYPD officers were given the option of wearing tuxes or their dress uniforms, but he knew the protocol called for him to wear his dress blues. This was to be his 'choice'. He twisted his watch over to check the time and wondered where in the heck Olivia was, noting that she was usually early for everything.

All of a sudden, every head in the bar turned toward the door. At the same time, the bar became eerily silent, only the sounds of the television wafting through the air. Casey, Munch, Fin and Cragen followed the gaze of the other patrons and saw Olivia coming toward them. Her steps slowed and then stopped when she realized everyone was staring at her. The blush creeping up her neck to her face was visible to her colleagues who were a good thirty feet from her. Her dress was a Grecian style flounce evening dress in rich a chiffon with a jeweled center brooch and beading throughout the bodice. Spaghetti straps ran from the center of the neckline over the shoulder to the back of the bodice. The high empire waist and high low asymmetric hemline draped nicely around her trim body. Her tan was enhanced by the yellow of her dress and she was simply stunning.

At first she was embarrassed by all the eyes upon her, mostly male. But, then someone began clapping and in seconds the bar was filled with applause and shouts of 'way to go, detective!', 'All right, Liv!', 'you really kicked butt!', 'what a woman!' They had made the papers and then newscasts, including nationally when all the sentences and additional indictments had been handed down . As she looked around, the slow smile that began at the corner of her lips, spread across her face to become one of her brilliant trademark grins as she tucked her bangs behind her right ear and began slowly walking again. She was still grinning and blushing when she reached the bar. Captain Cragen reached out and pulled her into a hug.

"Olivia, you look absolutely gorgeous." He kissed her cheek, then held her hand up and out for her to turn around. "Simply gorgeous."

"Liv...you have to stick with us tonight. That's the only way we can protect you because, trust me, the other women are going to want to claw your eyes out. You _are_ beautiful, Liv." Munch kissed her temple.

"Yea, Liv...you are _some_ kinda hot! Too bad Elliot ain't gonna be here to enjoy it." Fin said and then groaned when Munch elbowed him in the stomach.

She couldn't help it. She flinched. Elliot had been on her mind the whole time she was getting ready. She planned to go by there after the dinner so he could see her dressed up.

"You idiot! Way to ruin the mood." He hissed at his partner.

"It's okay, Munch. I've already been thinking about him not being here to share the night. But, at least, he is alive." She smiled and she did seem okay with it.

"And getting better every day." Cragen added, touching her arm.

"Yea...you shoulda heard him when I went to see him this afternoon. He was giving that little physical therapist down the road for making him do the hand bars again and again." Fin nodded and took the swig of his beer.

It had been six and half weeks since the shooting and Elliot had been released from the hospital three weeks ago. Because he had to have such intensive physical therapy for his leg, the only way Dr. Tharpe would release him was if he agreed to go to a live in rehabilitation center for at least a month. Elliot fought it tooth and nail. But, then Dr. Tharpe had enlisted Olivia to talk to him and he finally, though reluctantly agreed and signed the papers.

"He wouldn't be Elliot if he wasn't griping about something." Casey said. They all laughed.

"What would you like to drink, Olivia?" Munch asked her.

She smiled at him and then glanced Cragen's way. "Uh...I really don't want anything right now...but you guys, go ahead."

The Captain didn't drink and rarely came with them. She wondered did he feel odd being here...in a bar. He was a recovering alcoholic and had not drank in all the years she knew him. They had talked and she knew he had times when it was really difficult to stay on the wagon, but he had and she was tremendously proud of him. In fact, she thought, she should tell him.

Leaning close to him, she whispered. "Don, I am so proud of you."

He smiled at her, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "That means a lot to me, Liv."

"What you say we get on over to the party?" Fin suggested.

**The Roosevelt Hotel ∙ Grand Ballroom ∙ ****Friday, August 22****nd**

Cragen was right in his assumption. All of the brass were in uniform. All of the women had on evening gowns. There were hundreds of people there. Drinks flowed freely, a band was playing, alternating between the Big Band music, sixties, seventies and eighties rock and even some of the more classical style of music. The long dining tables were set on each side of the ball room in such a manner that they created a wide aisle down the middle and then a rather large open area at the front of the stage that served as the dance floor. The balcony with more tables overlooked the main area. The magnificent chandeliers, gold-gilded 27 foot high ceiling, iron-laced balconies and arched windows of the meticulously detailed room made Olivia think she had stepped back in time to the early 1920s.

Dean had been on the look out for them and she saw him coming toward them, grinning and waving. The sling was gone, his shoulder, though still tender, was healing well. He had finished with physical therapy just this past Thursday. He had on a navy blue tuxedo and a pale blue shirt. He was handsome, a good man and she wondered why she could not have fallen for him. She laughed to herself. The same reason she could not completely fall for anyone...Elliot. He was always there. A constant reminder of what and who she really wanted. And now, she had him. They were together. He had not officially asked her but they both knew they were an item. It was unspoken. Like so many things between them over the years, they just knew. She could not remember there being a time in her life when she was happier.

"Liv...that dress! Wow! I think you're going to need a body guard tonight. I'm free." He teased, hugging her to him. He knew she and Elliot had finally gotten together.

"Thanks, but I already have three." She looked over her shoulder at Munch, Fin and Cragen and winked. They all grinned at her like shy little boys. She and Casey laughed.

xxxxx

The dinner was delicious and very fulfilling. The menu included filet mignon with the special Roosevelt Hotel steak sauce and baked potato, veal medallions with wild mushroom cream sauce or sauteed lemon sole with parsley potatoes, baby vegetables in a lemon-butter sauce. Olivia chose the sole, but she helped herself to the filet mignon from Dean's plate and the veal from Munch's.

"Hey! I'm much too good looking for you to have mistaken me for Elliot?" Munch kidded as he used his fork to spear hers as she tried to steal yet another veal medallion from him.

"What's that mean?" Dean asked, puzzled by Munch's remark.

"She always eatin' off of Elliot's plate and he eats off hers...and she thinks she can just help herself to anyone's, don't you, girl?" Fin raised his eyebrows at her.

"You better be glad you got the same thing I did!" She laughed, popping the stolen veal into her mouth.

"Why you think I waited til _you_ ordered?" He laughed as she popped him playfully.

"Well, I for one, am just glad to see she has her appetite back." The Captain's eyes softened as he looked at her.

"Yea...well...she keep eating like she's eatin' tonight and we gonna have to get a sign that says 'Danger - Wide Load' to put across her butt!" Fin smarted off.

Olivia popped him again, but not so playfully this time. He hollered and they all had a good laugh.

"I'm with the Captain. She needs to eat!" Casey agreed. "Otherwise, I am going to have to _stop_ eating, too!"

"Olivia, would you do me the honor of dancing with me?" Captain Cragen smiled and held out his hand.

"The honor would be mine, Don." She smiled, taking his hand.

After two dances, Dean came up and broke in. At the end of the their third dance, someone took a microphone and announced they were ready to begin the awards ceremony. Dean led Olivia back to their table which was near the front.

The FBI director talked a bit about the case they had just closed. Then he asked the NYPD Chief of Detectives to give some background as to how they first became aware of the case. He began telling about Zhanna Tarasov's alleged rape and how the intuition of one NYPD detective said it was otherwise. The FBI director took over the explanation from the time the Bureau became involved. Olivia was half listening. She already knew everything about the case. She was thinking of Elliot, wondering what he was doing, wishing he were here beside her tonight.

When all the chips had fallen, the FBI had closed down nineteen bars in four states - New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Connecticut. All but two had mob ties. Anatoly Gavlik's International Educational Service (IES) had been dismantled and the young women given a small amount of money and the choice to be sent home or stay in the United States. Zhanna Tarasov had been given immunity by agreeing to spill everything she knew about the operation. She had been a key figure in identifying the main players. Mona Petrovsky, also testified, and in exchange got only ten to fifteen for accomplice to murder of the two federal agents and Lake and the attempted murder of Elliot and Dean.

They had arrested twenty-four men and five women for murder, attempted murder, human trafficking, prostitution, money laundering, drug running, kidnaping, mail fraud and a slew of lesser charges. Eleven people had already be convicted and sentenced, including three mob figures. Eighteen more were currently on trial or awaiting trial. Gavlik, Paul and Rob Sollecito got life for murder and just about everything else on the list since they were the owners of the bars.

The U.S. Attorney's Office Asset Forfeiture Division had seized over eight hundred and fifty million dollars in homes, land, vehicles, bank accounts and businesses, most of seized in New York. It was one of the largest forfeitures ever in the state. And it never would have happened if a hard, headed, stubborn, beautiful, chestnut haired, brown eyed lady detective named Olivia Benson had given in to the seemingly open and shut case of a young Ukranian woman who claimed she had been raped. Instead, she went with her gut and pushed to keep the case going and in the end she was more than vindicated for her perseverance.

The Commissioner took over again. He held up a Law Enforcement Purple Heart and began to explain that this medal may be issued to any police officer who is wounded or killed in the line of duty as the result of a confrontation with a criminal and not be an accidental death or injury. The term is based on the Purple Heart Medal issued by the United States armed forces. He then told about Detective Chester Lake of the One-Six's Special Victims Unit and his heroism. Knowing there was no family to accept the heart, Captain Cragen went forward and accepted it. He was expected to say a few words, but he was too choked up. Everyone began applauding and he returned to the table.

The FBI Director then explained about the Medal of Valor and the Memorial Star, two of the FBI's highest honors. The FBI Medal of Valor is presented in recognition of an exceptional act of heroism or voluntary risk of personal safety and life, and this act must have occurred in the direct line of duty or within the scope of FBI employment and in the face of criminal adversaries. The FBI Memorial Star is presented to a surviving relative where death has occurred in the line of duty. He then called out the name Special Agent Matthew Ivan Cerek whose wife and father stepped up to receive the Star. Next was Special Agent Stephen David Smythe. Dave's wife and two sons accepted the star. There was not a dry eye in the room.

Munch and Fin received plaques from the FBI and letters of commendation from both the FBI and the NYPD. The Captain was also recognized for his outstanding leadership of such a unit. Dean received the Medal of Valor and a commendation for his work on the case. When he sat back down at the table, Olivia hugged him and then took the medal from him, running her finger across the cold metal, thinking of how horrible this had been and how much worse it could have been. She reached over and hugged him again, kissing his cheek.

"I'm so glad you are okay." She briefly leaned her head on his shoulder.

The director was talking again. "According to New York Police Commissioner Davis, and Captain, Donald Cragen of the 16th Precinct, SVU, throughout her law enforcement career, Detective Olivia Benson has shown great courage in the face of relentless danger and been a champion of the cause of justice. Her efforts have directly contributed to our success in combating the strongholds of organized crime."

"Despite the dangers, Detective Benson, never batted an eye, playing a central role in this major case by turning it from an alleged rape case into the bust of an international and several state wide mafia backed human trafficking ring and all the resultant evils that come with it. Because of her fierce dedication to this case, her strong leadership skill, excellent investigative techniques and her unwavering commitment to law and order, it is my honor to present the FBI's Medal of Meritorious Achievement, an award that recognizes courageous and selfless acts that protect and save the lives of others, to NYPD's Special Victims Unit Detective Olivia Benson.

As she stood to go forth to accept her accolades, the sudden onslaught of applause was nearly deafening. Then just as suddenly, as though someone flipped a switch, it died away until the last few claps were quieted. She was puzzled by this abrupt change and turned slightly to look back at the guys and Casey, wondering what was going on. It was then she noticed that every eye was on the back of the room. She stopped and slowly turned completely around to get a better view of what had caught their attention. She had no control over the gasp that escaped from her lips as her hand flew to her mouth, nor the tears that began filling her eyes.

There at the back of the room, coming up the aisle between the tables, was Elliot. In his wheelchair. Rhett behind him, rolling the chair and Elliot closer and closer. To her. She glanced at Rhett and he nodded slightly and smiled. She mouthed 'thank you' to him and his smile became wider. Then, she could not take her eyes off of Elliot. He had on a black tuxedo, white shirt and a yellow tie the exact same color as her dress. Casey must have been in on this. No, they _all_ must be in on this. His eyes, so blue, so bright, drilled into her, making her want to run to him and wrap her arms around him and kiss him.

When they were about fifteen feet from her, they stopped. Rhett let down the leg support on the chair, helped Elliot stand and handed him a cane. The plaster cast was gone and in its place was a metal and plastic one that strapped on from his hip to his ankle and made an allowance for partial bending at the knee. When Rhett was sure Elliot had his balance, he moved a couple of steps from his side and waited patiently, close enough to catch him, if necessary. Elliot stood there a minute, staring at Olivia. He reached up, straightened his tie and began his trek. When Elliot took his first halting step toward Olivia, the applause erupted with a vengeance. Almost simultaneously, the tears began streaming down Olivia's face. After he had made five or six steps, she took one to meet him.

He stopped walking, shook his head, holding up his right hand, palm forward. "Let me do this, Liv. Please."

Wiping tears from her face, she nodded. "I'm here, El. Waiting. I'll _always_ be here."

He grinned at her and took a few more steps. Slowly, painfully. He was close enough now, that Olivia could see the sheen of sweat that had popped out across his forehead, upper lip and chin. This was very difficult for him. She was moved by this gesture in ways she could not even begin to understand nor explain. He was here for her, with her, on this most special night of her career.

The applause remained strong and steady as he slowly closed the distance between them. When he was finally in front of her, he released the cane, taking the last two steps unaided. They fell into a desperate embrace, clutching each other and he kissed her cheek as the applause grew even louder. But, as he pulled away, Olivia slipped her right hand behind his head and pulled him down for a kiss. A real kiss. The applause roared like thunder rumbling across the plains and people all across the room began standing up and whooping and hollering, cheering them on.

Cragen leaned toward Fin, poking him with amusement. "Looks like you and Liv are gonna be permanent. Can you handle her?"

"I think the question is...can _Elliot_ handle her?" Fin shot back, grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh, no! Are you telling me that I get stuck with the UnStabler?" Munch asked, feigning horror, but everyone saw the slight smirk.

"Yea...maybe all your weird conspiracy theories will give him something to keep his mind occupied." Fin smarted back.

"Hmmm...somehow I think he will have plenty to keep his mind occupied." Casey said smugly as she nodded at Olivia and Elliot, now leaning with their foreheads pressed together, staring into each others' eyes.

"It's about time." Cragen said aloud what everyone of them was thinking.

eoeoeoeoeo

**A/N:** _Okay, gang. It's winding down. Or should this be it and let you let your imaginations fill in any blanks? I think I can have one more chapter in me for EO...what do you think? By the way, if you have not seen/read it, I did a shorter story. What is your preference? Shorter stories or longer ones? I like the longer one because you can really get to know a character and have a lot more action, too! But short ones can be good, too. Anyway, you know the drill. Read, react, review, be rewarded with more chapters! " ) Bensler_


	39. Achievement

**Chapter 39 - Achievement**

**The Roosevelt Hotel ∙ Grand Ballroom ∙ ****Friday, August 22****nd**

Elliot was here. Right here, with her, for her, beside her on this very special night. Olivia could not get over that he _really_ was here with her. Her face ached from all the smiling, but she could not quit and she could not keep her eyes off of him. Her whole countenance simply glowed because of his presence. They were still holding each other, her arm around Elliot and his around her, as they made their way up to the stage. He had to take the steps one step at a time because the cast would not allow his left knee to bend enough to scale them normally. Rhett helped him keep his balance. Finally, he was there at her side again.

The FBI Field Office Supervisor spoke once again. "As I was saying...it is my honor to present the FBI's Medal of Meritorious Achievement, an award that recognizes courageous and selfless acts that protect and save the lives of others, to NYPD's Special Victims Unit Detective Olivia Benson."

As Olivia stepped forward to receive her award, Elliot remained in position right behind her. She stood still long enough, shaking hands with first the FBI Field Officer Supervisor and then the NYPD Police Commissioner and the Chief of Detectives to have her pictures taken several times and then she turned to Elliot and held up the medal for him to see. The applause filled the ballroom once again as camera flashes lit up the room.

He took it from her and then kissed her forehead and embraced her. "Liv, I am so proud of you! You did good, babe!"

The NYPD Commissioner started his speech. "Detective Benson's individual acts of extraordinary bravery intelligently performed in the line of duty at imminent and personal danger to life are to be commended. Therefore, the NYPD finds that she more than deserves the Department Medal of Honor." He smiled and handed her the solid green bar speckled with tiny gold stars. She turned it over and over in her hand and then held it up for another round of picture taking and applause.

Then they heard the Commissioner speaking again. "We didn't mention this person who was also up for commendation, because we were hoping it would work out that he could actually be here and we are extremely happy it did. So, this last award, is given to another of NYPD's finest because of his willingness to serve where he was needed, in spite of the inherent dangers of the special undercover operation. His bravery goes a long way in protecting the future welfare of the general public as well as reaping justice for the victims of this particular crime. It is with honor and gratitude that the Law Enforcement Purple Heart is bestowed upon Detective Elliot Stabler."

The applause broke out as Elliot slowly stepped forward to accept the award. He turned around and Olivia hugged him and he held out the heart to her and she took it to get a better look at it. He could not help but think how appropriate that was, because she had taken his heart years ago. He had only just recently realized how long she had held it. Before he had time to comprehend the honor he had just received, he heard the FBI Field Officer Supervisor speaking.

"Hold up just a minute, Detective Stabler...for your part in the undercover operation headed by our New York City office, I present you with this letter of commendation from the Director of the FBI and this plaque citing your work on this special undercover assignment."

Elliot walked back over and accepted the FBI awards, Olivia walked over to him to stand with him. Their hands full of awards, their arms full of each other, they both grinned crazily.

Olivia leaned closer to him and whispered in his ear. "El, this night is like a dream...in more ways than one...I want you to know I am so very proud of you and I have never been more proud to be your partner and your best friend."

She went to pull away, but he held her tightly to him, whispering to her. "And my girlfriend, right?"

He felt her smile against his cheek before she pulled away again, this time successfully because they had already drawn too much attention to themselves. Her eyes sparkled as she held his gaze as she stepped away. Finally, they headed back down and the applause died away.

Dean Porter pulled up another chair and move over so Elliot could sit by Olivia. Rhett had gone back to the table near the middle of the ballroom where Elliot's family was sitting. The kids were there, except for Eli, his Mom, his sisters, Emily and Erin and his brother Joey and their spouses. Rhett was there and he had asked Sue, Emily's old friend and his across the street neighbor to come with him. A few of Elliot's older nieces and nephews were there as well.

Everyone greeted Elliot, Casey and even Munch hugging him, Fin and Porter shaking his hand, pounding him on the back, congratulating him. The closure of this case was a huge achievement for everyone involved. They hugged and congratulated Olivia, too, but she was more focused on Elliot and she stood to the side, just watching. Her eyes glistened with tears and Cragen noticed the look of pure adoration on her face. He was sorry that a family had been splintered but he was extremely pleased to know that Olivia was so happy with this new relationship with Elliot. He had realized years ago that they were soul mates, assigned by chance but destined by fate to be together someway, somehow.

Cragen had noticed how each of them would steal glances at the other when they thought no one was watching. He knew...well, he hoped...they would get together and he had seen the subtle changes the last several weeks that indicated things had intensified between them. He had not thought that was possible. Yet, he had been surprised tonight when Olivia took it to an even newer and definitely more permanent level by kissing Elliot in front of the brass. Heck, in front of the entire New York City Police Department. That would provide enough fuel to flame the fires of gossip for the next twenty years. He grinned to himself. He was going to have to split them up...at least officially.

"So...were all of you in on this?" Olivia asked as she looked around at her colleagues, her friends.

A round of laugher began. "Yes, we were all in on it...but Rhett is the one who pulled it off. He's the one that got Dr. Tharpe to agree to let Elliot do this." Cragen told her.

"Casey said we had to match Elliot up with your dress..." Fin told her.

"That's why you kept asking me if I had gotten a dress yet..." She laughed and playfully pushed him away.

"Yea...and when Fin kept telling me you hadn't found one...that's when I decided you and I needed to have a girls' day out shopping." Casey nodded her head.

"You guys! What would I do without you all?" She was on the verge of tears and she did not want to cry.

They visited for a while and then Elliot asked them all to come with him to see his family. Most of them had met at some point during Elliot's stay in the hospital. They all mingled, the Stablers hugged, kissed and told Olivia they were proud of her while the SVU crew was telling his Mom, siblings and other family members how proud they were of him. While they were all still gushing over Elliot and his recovery, Rhett pulled Olivia aside.

"Liv... you look absolutely stunning, that dress is perfect on you...and..." Rhett's left hand held her right arm.

"Rhett..." She was uncomfortable with him saying these things. The pain of their breakup was still too fresh. His fingers came to her lips to silence any further words.

"You deserved tonight. I am proud of you and your accomplishments, Liv. I am proud to have had you as mine, if only for a little while. I'm proud that woman like you would have ever shared part of her life with me." He smiled tenderly at her as his right hand brushed the hair back from her face.

"Rhett...you do know that you mean so much to me...and if things had...had been different..." The words halted, because the lump in her throat would not allow them passage.

"I know, Olivia. I said it before...I'll always love you and I'll always be here for you...no matter what...I'm a phone call away. Remember that, okay." He leaned close to her, talking very softly.

The tears escaped without her even being fully aware that they had formed. He reached up and brushed them away at the same time she did. Their hands touched and then intertwined. He pulled her to him and she hugged him back. He placed a kiss on her forehead and she kissed his cheek. She was at last able to speak again.

"Thank you for bringing him to me, Rhett. I cannot tell you how much it meant for him to be here beside me tonight. There are no words to adequately express how I felt when I saw the two men I love more than anyone in the world coming down that aisle. How grateful I am that you were able to find it in you to do what you did tonight. Thank you so much." She felt the tears welling again, but blinked rapidly, determined to not cry again.

"The two of you belong together, Liv. That's obvious to nearly everyone that sees you together." He smiled that beautiful smile of his. "It was the second hardest thing I have ever done in my life." He kissed her cheek and turned to go.

She grabbed his hand and held him in place. "What was the hardest?"

He took her by her shoulders and looked deep into her big, brown eyes. "Letting you go." He stood just long enough for her to see the tears gathering in his eyes and for hers to fill again and spill over. He turned away and she watched as he walked further and further away from her. Feeling another set of eyes drilling into her, she turned slightly to her right and saw Elliot staring at her. For just a moment, she wondered how long he had been watching her and feared his reaction. Instead, he smiled and she smiled back, relieved.

Elliot smiled when that was the last thing he wanted to do. What he wanted was to go to Olivia and shake her, holler at her and ask was she sure about what she was doing with Rhett, with him. What he wanted to do was get in the other man's face and challenge him. If his physical ability were not diminished right now, he would have done just that and started a ruckus that would not have had a good outcome. The jealousy he felt was compounded by the fact that his brother was the other man. Olivia started to walk toward him, but his Mom stopped her to talk to her.

"Olivia, oh, honey, you must know how proud we are of you! And Elliot." Marie hugged Olivia to her and kissed her cheek.

"You don't know how much that means to me, Marie." She smiled at the older woman and then glanced at Elliot. "And I cannot tell you how much it means to me that El was here tonight to receive his awards and..." She glanced at him again, smiling. "To be here, with me, beside me."

"So...is it official now?" Marie asked, putting her hand to her mouth to stifle her laugh.

"What?" Olivia asked innocently.

"Don't tease an old woman...I thought I knew you better than that." She laughed.

"I think the kiss in front of the NYPD made it about as official as it can get." She grinned and hugged Marie again. "I'm going to go see what he is up to, okay?"

"I think you have a very good point." Marie smiled. "You run along and be with Sonny, dear."

Olivia went to Elliot and put her arm around him, he put his around her and she pulled him closer to her, but he did not return the pull. She was briefly puzzled but gave it little thought because he seemed so intent on his conversation with his brother, Joey and Munch. When, after several minutes, he had not really acknowledged her, she decided to go get a drink.

"I'm going for glass of wine...you want something?" She leaned in closer and whispered in his ear.

He held up his beer bottle glancing at it and she could see that was just over half full. He then tilted it up, guzzled the rest of it in one long gulp and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Yea...get me another beer." He handed her the bottle and turned back to the conversation.

Munch did not miss the expression that crossed her face. Hurt as well as bewilderment. Elliot could be such a jerk at times. Munch, ever the observant one, knew exactly what his problem was. He had been watching Elliot watch Olivia and Rhett. He could almost pinpoint the exact second that Elliot's mood darkened. It was the second Rhett touched her, pulling her away from the crowd. Elliot and Olivia had always seemed to have this uncanny knowledge of the other's presence, sensing when the other was in close proximity, hyper aware of every movement of the other. In some ways, Munch found it eerie. He saw it in action again tonight. Almost the exact second that Rhett reached out for Olivia, Elliot had turned, just in time to see it.

Olivia knew Elliot inside and out and was well aware that he was extremely upset. For starters, his sudden physical distance. By not pulling her tighter in response to her squeeze, she immediately knew something was wrong. Then he basically ignored her and he had plenty of experience doing that for the last year. The way he talked to her, so condescending, when he_ told_ her to get him another beer, was another sign. The final thing was how he downed the beer. Sure, he could knock back his share of alcohol, but most of the time he sipped on one beer, maybe two. When he guzzled, it meant he was in a 'don't give a crap' or 'things are really screwed up' mood and he was ready to get drunk.

She knew what was wrong. Rhett. She could not believe they were going to fight over him after all they had gone through the past six weeks. After all the conversations, the declarations, the assurances. They were going to be reduced to fighting about his brother, her former fiancé. She debated on not getting him another beer, but she knew if she returned empty handed, he would either get angry and cause a scene or he would start downing shots of whiskey in which case he would get angrier, quicker and cause a worse scene. She kept hoping that perhaps with him still not being up to par physically, that would help keep him under control. She quickly tossed that thought aside. If Elliot Stabler were to truly get riled, nothing would keep him from expressing it.

On her way to the bar, she heard her name called. "Liv! Liv, wait up!"

Turning toward the voice, she saw Maureen. "Hey, Maureen." They hugged.

"You are so beautiful, Liv! I love your dress. When Casey told me what color tie we needed to find for Dad, I didn't think I would like it. But, the two of you look great together." She reached out and rubbed the soft material between her thumb and fingers.

"I'm so happy for you, Liv...the awards and commendations...and Daddy." She grinned.

Elliot had insisted on telling the kids about them, that they were going to be spending a lot of time together, testing out this new phase of their relationship. He did most of the talking. Olivia was really apprehensive about their reactions. Maureen had been aware of things between them for a long time and she thought it was about time they were together. She had talked to Kathleen, trying to make her understand that their parents had been over years before Olivia. She was still not sure of things, but she was at least civil and receptive to the idea. Dickie told his Dad that all his friends thought Olivia was hot and he thought it was great that they were dating. Lizzie loved Olivia and after being assured that she could still love her Mom as well as Olivia, she was fine about them, too.

"Yea...your Dad deserved all his awards, too." She smiled back and glanced over at Elliot.

Laughing, Maureen bumped Olivia's shoulder with hers. "I meant that you got Daddy, too!"

Olivia grinned and nodded her head. "That is, by far, the best reward."

**Benson Residence ∙ ****Friday Night, August 22****nd**

She keyed into her apartment and pushed the door open for Elliot. He had refused to get in the wheelchair, instead, laboriously walking with the cane. It was obvious he was quite exhausted, but she knew better than to push this issue. She had asked him to come up to her place for coffee and, quite honestly, was surprised that he agreed.. He was not drunk yet, but he was pretty buzzed and she wanted to see if she could sober him up a bit before taking him to the rehab center. Since they had shared a cab with Casey, they could not really talk. Most of the words were Casey's ramblings about how proud she was of them and how awesome all the medals and plaques and letters of commendation were and what an honor to receive them. Even with her nearly constant chattering, the entire ride had been tension filled. Though she dreaded what was to come, she welcomed the silence as they said goodnight and the cab sped away with Casey.

Olivia went into the kitchen and put on a kettle of water for her tea. She turned to fill the coffee pot and ready it. Good thing she still had some left over that Rhett had bought for himself. Elliot still stood at the door, leaning heavily on his cane.

She glanced over her shoulder at him. "El, go ahead and sit down. I know you must be tired." She smiled and was rewarded with a glare from piercing blue eyes that were like sheets of glassy ice. Cold. Hard.

"I'm fine." He retorted as he shifted his weight to his good leg. A grimace crossed his face and she knew he was in pain.

"El...come on." She walked toward him. "Just sit down a bit."

"I said I was fine, Olivia!" She flinched at the use of her full name and from his clipped tone.

A frown stole across her face as she bit her lower lip and just stared at him. "I'm...uh...I'll be right back...just gonna change clothes." She went into her bedroom and closed the door.

Here we go, she thought. They had just made their new relationship public, in front of family, friends, co-workers, the brass, the whole department and here they were about to have a fight. And from what she could gather, it had the makings of a major one. This was why she ran before. Everything between them was so intense, so all or nothing. Whether it was fighting or loving or having fun they did it with fervor and passion. Sometimes it was just too much to handle. She changed into an NYPD, navy blue, long sleeved tee shirt and a pair of gray sweat pants. She pushed the sleeves halfway up her forearms, dragged her hands through her hair and talked to her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "Okay, Benson...deep breath, suck it up and get your butt out there to face the music. The problem was she did not know what song was playing.

Elliot was still standing near the front door, although he was leaning on the wall just a bit. The yellow tie hung loosely at his neck where the top three buttons on his shirt were undone. He had taken his jacket off and draped it on the back of her couch just like he always did. She thought that could be a good sign. Or rather at least a sign that he was staying for a while. The smell of the coffee filled the air. It was just about finished perking. Opting to ignore him for now, she went into the kitchen and took two mugs from the cabinet to the left of the sink. Putting an orange blossom and honey tea bag in her mug, she filled it with steaming water. Two teaspoons of sugar and a little cream and her beverage was set. The coffee finished and she filled a mug and stirred two spoons of sugar and just a dash of cream in it and slid the mug across the kitchen bar to where Elliot now stood.

He took it and ran his finger around the top edge of the dark green mug. "Thanks." He spoke without looking up.

She watched him as he avoided her eyes. "El...what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Olivia. Why would you ask that?" He glanced up at her and then quickly down at his coffee.

"Why? Which reason do you want first? You've done nothing but snap at me since we talked with your family and that was just when you decided to speak to me. You won't look at me because you know I can read you...you keep calling me 'Olivia'...and in case you forgot, I know you, El, maybe better than myself. So, please tell me what is wrong." She spoke with a quiet annoyance bordering on anger. She was determined not to fight with him. Not tonight. Not this special night.

He stared at her for a long time. How could she be as beautiful in sweats and a tee shirt as she was in that fantastic dress? He did not want to fight. He wanted to take her into his arms and kiss her. Taking a long sip of his coffee, instead, he set it down and then massaged his forehead with his fingers. The beginning of a headache throbbed at his temples. He opened his mouth to speak, but then shook his head.

"Nothing...okay...just nothing!" He was clearly upset and she felt the anger within her begin to rise a few degrees.

Reminding herself that she was not going to fight with him, she sighed. If he did not want to talk, then she was not going to beg. She went to get her coat and keys and grabbed his jacket on her way back toward him. She held it out to him.

"Let's go." She worked hard to modulate her voice and speak without emotion

"What? Go where?" He asked, confused at her actions and her words.

"You don't want to talk...I'm tired...so I'm taking you back to the center. Come on." She opened the door and held it for him.

Slowly, he made his way to her and closed the door. "I'm not ready to go back." His right palm flattened against the door, he held her gaze, eyes narrowed, the beginning of fury filling the blue and turning it to midnight.

"Then talk to me, Elliot. If we are going to work, we have to talk to each other. Otherwise...I just..." She shook her head slowly. "I...don't think...I can...can do this." She replied, never taking her eyes from his.

Looking into her eyes, he saw a resolve there he did not think he had ever seen before. He knew she meant it. If they were going to make this relationship work, then they had to be open about their feelings, not just the good ones...all of them. He took a deep breath and turned away from her.

"I saw you." He spoke so softly she almost could not hear him.

Her brows knit together, she moved around so could face him. "You saw me what?" She was pretty sure what he meant, but she was determined that he would put it into words.

"With Rhett." Boldly, he looked her in the eye now, his jaw jutted out.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She knew it. She knew he had seen them and was not happy about what he saw. She should have just said something about it earlier and cleared the air.

"El...just what do you think you saw? I was thanking him for bringing you to me..." She explained as she took a step closer and put her hand on his arm.

He brushed her hand away and took a faltering step backward. She reached for him and he held his right hand up, palm out silently telling her to leave him alone. "No! It was more than that, Olivia! I'm not stupid! He was touching you! And you...you..." His breathing was suddenly so rapid, so ragged that she thought he might hyperventilate. "You let him...then you kissed him!"

She thought back to the interchange between her and Rhett. She tried to put herself in Elliot's position by asking how she would have reacted if she had seen Elliot and Kathy in the same situation. Without question, she would have been upset. "El...I..." It was all she could say before he continued.

"I thought you made a choice...but you didn't choose...he made it for you. You didn't choose me...you just couldn't have him." He shook his head, running his hand over his face.

Okay. That was it. The end of her determination not to get angry, not to fight. "What? I didn't make a choice? Are you kidding me? What has this last six weeks been, Elliot? I have been at that blasted hospital nearly every waking minute except for work. I have brought you breakfast, lunch and dinner." Her voice was raised, her face was red and that vein in the middle of her forehead was pulsating as her anger escalated.

"Liv..." Dropping his cane, he took her by her shoulders. He tried but there was no stopping her or getting a word in edgewise.

"I have played cards and Monopoly and Uno and Scrabble for hours on end. I have watched more baseball in the last six weeks than I have in my entire life...and I love baseball! I've watched re-runs and bad movies. I can name the anchors of all the news shows and sing the theme song of nearly every sit-com on TV! And you know what? I wouldn't change a thing that I have done the last six weeks for all the money in the world. You want to know why? Why? Because I got more than I could ever hope for by being able to be with the man I have loved for as long as I can remember." Her voice softened. "I got to be with you, El. Beside you, with you. I _want_ to be with you. _Only_ you! Do you hear me?"

"Liv...I'm...I'm sorry...I just...I got jealous. You're mine and I can't take anyone touching you, kissing you! I've wanted you so long...and now...the thought of losing you...literally makes me insane." He was breathing hard, his heart pounding.

"Well, I got news for you, you big dope." She came to him and put her arms around him. "You are not going to lose me, Elliot Stabler. I love you and I am not going anywhere. Not without you."

"I love you, too, Olivia Benson. So much." He leaned down until their lips met and they kissed until the air between them was exhausted and they had to break apart. It was at once a tender kiss, yet demanding. A kiss of promise, yet of surrender as well. A kiss of passion and need and of hope for their future. Together.

He buried his face in her hair, closing his eyes, inhaling her scent, he felt himself finally relax. When he did, he realized he was totally exhausted and he wiped at a tear that made its way down his left cheek. He was where he had dreamed of being for years. Holding Liv in his arms, knowing she loved him like he loved her. He had never been more content, or felt more complete in his entire life.

She kept expecting someone to wake her up and tell her she had been dreaming. Too many times in the past she had dreamed about being held in Elliot's strong arms, feeling his muscles ripple beneath her fingers. But, this...this was real. He was real. Their love solid, though not without complications, but she knew that with him beside her, she could face anything the future held for them.

**Epilogue ∙ Nine Months Later**

Nine months later, Olivia and Elliot were still together. They had worked through a couple of rough patches, one where Elliot stormed out of her apartment late one night and did not speak to her for two days. Another, when, after a particularly vicious and nasty fight, Olivia had reverted to her old ways. She ran. She spent the weekend with her college pal, Sarah, in Phillie, without telling Elliot. She ignored his calls for nearly three days. Finally, they both agreed that they had to keep the lines of communication open if they were to be successful at being together.

Determined to make this relationship as good as it could possibly be, they had gone together to talk to a counselor. Elliot learned that the quickest way to ruin things between them was to ignore Olivia. To shut down, like he did with Kathy all those years. Through counseling he came to realize that because of her mother's alcoholism, Serena was basically an absent parent much of the time. Ignoring her daughter and her needs. So, when Elliot ignored her rather than talked to her, letting her know what upset or angered or hurt him, it sliced Olivia to the core, wounding her deeply and in turn damaging their relationship. Sometimes he needed to stew, be quiet and think things over. Now when he felt this way, he would tell her he just was not up to talking about an issue at that time, but promised to talk about it later.

On the other hand, Olivia had come to see that her running was the main thing Elliot simply could not handle. When things got complicated between them after Gitano and she had transferred to computer crimes _without_ letting him know, Elliot had been terribly hurt. When she went undercover and _couldn't_ tell him and he had no way of knowing where she was or if she was okay, he was very nearly devastated. Through counseling he admitted that to this day, every time they had the slightest argument, let alone a knock down, drag out, he was panic stricken that she would leave him again. When Olivia realized this, she assured him she would never leave him and that if she needed time away alone, she would tell him.

Through determination and a little outside help, they had reclaimed the easy going, joking, bantering of the early years when they were partners and friends. The early years, when they enjoyed each other before the forbidden feelings stirred in their hearts and visited unbearable anguish, sending them spinning out of control, their hearts shattering before them, that had been so easy. Now, those feelings were the basis of a relationship that brought more joy, happiness and contentment than either of them could have ever comprehended when they first decided to take a chance on each other in a romantic relationship.

The kids adapted well to them being together and though it took some time, just recently Kathy had begun to let Olivia keep Eli even if Elliot was not going to be around. It was awkward at first, but she had finally come to terms with Liv and El being together and they were amiable, if not exactly friends. Olivia loved all the kids like they were her own, but Eli had a special place in her heart. She had helped deliver him and save his life and nothing would ever break that bond. Just like nothing would ever break the bond she and Elliot had by default and had strengthened by purposing together to not let anything or anybody damage that connection. Not even themselves.

Their new life was built on the deep trust that they had built over a decade together as partners. If there was a truly difficult aspect of their relationship it was that they were no longer partners. Olivia had a new partner, Brad Seigman, new to SVU and Elliot partnered with Fin. Munch had retired three months ago due to his deteriorating eyesight. It had been extremely difficult to get used to new partners. Every now and then Captain Cragen would partner them, but it was becoming more and more rare. Maybe they realized why and maybe they did not. He was still the captain and he knew his people. He had no doubt that Elliot and Olivia were heading toward marriage and he wanted them to be as adjusted as possible to not working with each other at all, so that when the time came, the transition would not be as painful. He knew it would hurt them both tremendously.

Olivia would love to become Mrs. Elliot Stabler. She daydreamed about being called Detective Stabler. Liv Stabler. Olivia Stabler. She smiled when she thought of being able to say 'This is my husband, Elliot Stabler.' or 'Hi, I'm Olivia Stabler, Elliot's wife.' No matter how much she wanted to, she would never broach the subject. She wanted to give Elliot all the time he needed to get over the divorce and give the kids time to get used to her being around all the time. She had waited nine years; she could wait a little longer. Besides, she really did not think marriage even crossed his mind.

**SVU Squad Room ∙ Captain Cragen's Office**

Elliot was grinning and whistling as he walked into the squad room. He patted his right jacket pocket for the hundredth time since leaving the store, feeling for the small package. He headed straight for Cragen's office.

"Hey, Cap'n. Got a sec?" He asked, still grinning.

"Sure, Elliot...come on in." The Captain looked at him, amused by his big grin, knowing something unusual was up.

Elliot came in and shut the door, then he turned and started closing the blinds. "Uh...you don't mind, do you?"

The Captain just shrugged, his curiosity rising. He leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands behind his head.

When Elliot closed the last blind, he turned to the Captain and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out the small package and began opening it.

"Ah...Elliot...my birthday is not for two weeks...you didn't have to get me anything..." Captain Cragen teased. He was pretty sure what was going on now.

Elliot opened the small navy blue, velvet box and extended it to Cragen. "What do you think? Will she like it?"

Cragen took the small box and brought it close for inspection. It was a Mokume diamond wedding band set in platinum with a center channel of black and white diamonds. Along the outer edge of the ring was an inlaid eternity symbol that had no beginning, no end. It was a very unusual ring, very delicate and beautiful.

"I had it specially made for her. The symbol around the edge...we had seen some Celtic knots at a gift store and when the clerk explained that they had no beginning and no end, Liv said that they were just like us. She said our hearts and minds were so enmeshed, she had no idea where she ended and where I began. And, Cap'n, I gotta tell ya, she was right, 'cause I don't know either." Elliot's eyes were tearing up and he blinked rapidly until they dissipated.

Cragen smiled. Celtic knot. Hmmm...yes, that sounded just like these two. "This is really something, Elliot. I think she will love it. But, is this what I think it is?" He wondered now, because this looked more like a wedding band, not an engagement ring.

"A long time ago, I remember her saying she did not really want an engagement ring. Said they got in the way. Besides, she's already had one and I wanted this to be different. It's a wedding band...then she can wear it on her right hand until we actually get married. That is, if she says yes.." He raised his eyebrows in question.

Cragen started laughing, a hearty and loud laugh. "If? Who are you kidding? If?" He laughed again and this time Elliot laughed with him.

--

Heading back to his desk, he called Olivia. "Hey, babe! Just wanted to hear your voice."

"Hey, El. I was just thinking about you, honey..." She answered softly.

"Oh, yea? Gonna tell me what you were thinking?" His voice rumbled in her ear.

"Hmmm. No. But I might _show_ you...later." She giggled. That was something new he loved about her. He had never heard her giggle until they got together.

"That will be even better. And I have something I want to show _you_..." He teased, his heart nearly bursting with his love for her.

"You gonna tell _me_ what?" She laughed.

"Remember when we saw those Celtic knots in that gift store?"

"Uh-huh...I remember..." She agreed.

Holding the ring between his index finger and thumb, he grinned, watching it sparkle as it caught the dim overhead florescent lights. This was definitely heirloom material. They would have to make sure to keep it in the family. His and Olivia's family. Yea, who _was _he kidding? He knew Olivia Benson better than himself. He had no doubt about it. He knew exactly what she would say. Yes. She would say 'Yes'! "Well, I bought one today..."

eoeoeoeoeoe

Il est finalement de finition!

**A/N**_**:**__ There it is - The End. Hasn't it been an awesome ride? Well, it has been for me! You guys have all been __**A**__bsolutely __**A**__stoundingly __**A**__wesome __**A**__nd __**A**__mazing! (See I _still_ have 'A's!!) And a very special thanks to xoc for being my beta on this last chapter! If you haven't read her stuff...your assignment while waiting for my next story, is to read _her_ stories!! _

_Hope you have enjoyed this as much as I have. Read and review...please! And be on the lookout for a new story or two from your favorite...well, I hope at least one of your favorite authors! " ) Bensler_


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